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Wedding Etiquette Forum
katiewhompus
member
When are you too old for babies?
Ok bear with me on this one. I want to get popular opinion (and see if my opinion is way off base) and I am asking here instead of thebump because I feel you guys offer a wider variety or answers as well as the use of logic when it comes to reproduction.
When are you too old to have babies?
I ask because I just found out my sil's sil is 47 and has a 1 year old daughter, her husband is 60. they are currently trying for a second and will "give up" when she hits 50. While I am happy for them, part of me is going, wtf are you doing having a child at 60. By the time the kid is going to college having a parent die of old age is a very real possibility and kind of mind boggling. I can't imagine my parents (55 and 54) having a child right now.
When are you too old to have babies?
I ask because I just found out my sil's sil is 47 and has a 1 year old daughter, her husband is 60. they are currently trying for a second and will "give up" when she hits 50. While I am happy for them, part of me is going, wtf are you doing having a child at 60. By the time the kid is going to college having a parent die of old age is a very real possibility and kind of mind boggling. I can't imagine my parents (55 and 54) having a child right now.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: When are you too old for babies?
Personally I couldn't imagine having a kid past 35 because of how much energy they require and I just don't think I'd have it in me. More power to the women that do!
I think the bigger thing is that if it's not medically sound for the mom, then you need to either find another way (adoption, surrogate, etc.) or give up. At her age, I'd think it's unlikely that the doctor will encourage them to continue trying. If their parental instincts aren't satisfied yet, though, having a child by whatever method best suits their situation is ok by me.
Dresses may be easier to take in than let out, but guest lists are not. -- kate51485
[QUOTE]Honestly, their generations is probably too old to have a child. Life expectancy for them (if they live a healthy life and die simply of old age) is between 80-95. Therfore most of their healthy years are pretty much going to be past by the time the child would complete high school, and life just STARTS happening after you graduate high school. There are so many moments your parents are still apart of (college, house buying, marriage, babies, etc). <strong> Soon, babies at 50 will not be a problem </strong>because the life expectancy (with same stipulations) will be a good 10-15 years longer. Therefore at 50, you'll only be halfway through life. Anyway, I'm sure a lot of people will think I'm wrong, but thats how I feel..... 50 is too old. 40 is fine, 45 is okay if you are actually healthy, 50 is too old.
Posted by GreenMoon[/QUOTE]
Really? Because the risks go up after you hit 35, and I'm pretty sure that's been the same for awhile.
BFP(4) DD2 born 2.14.13 @ 35w5d due to pPROM
On the flip side, it's hard for me to imagine someone who's 54 having a child old enough to get married.
Right now the CIA world factbook has the average life expectancy of the US at 78 years of age. It's hard to imagine thinking "There is a huge chance my parents won't see me graduate high school" or having a 15 year old dealing with hospital visits and things like heart attacks, stroke, etc.
I don't know, I think I overthink these things too much since Dh is 36 and it's on my mind frequently.
House / Baby blog
My father was 39 when I was born and 48 when my youngest brother was born...that always seemed really old to me but now that I will likely end up having kids later in life I get it. I know it is different because I am the person who has to bear the child, but I don't want to rush it, I want to do it when it is right.
Planning / Married / TTD /
Wait, I thought you could not have babies after menopause??!!!
[QUOTE]I'm in my mid-40s now and if I could have a child now (unlikely), I would. Yeah, 60 for the father is old, but you never know how much time someone has left. My grandparents died in their early 70s; DH had 2 grandparents who lived to their mid-90s. If the father is in that latter category, he could live till his daughter is in her mid-30s. Or he might reasonably die when she's a teenager, but then again, there are people who die in their 40s and 50s, leaving teenagers behind (or even younger). <strong> On the flip side, it's hard for me to imagine someone who's 54 having a child old enough to get married.
</strong>Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]
Edit, mom is 56, dad is 55, I was 1 year off but still, they had me when they were 30/29 which I don't think is all that young.
House / Baby blog
40/112
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: When are you too old for babies? : Edit, mom is 56, dad is 55, I was 1 year off but still, they had me when they were 30/29 which I don't think is all that young.
Posted by katiewhompus[/QUOTE]
I guess it's really not young at all when you put it that way. "Young" is definitely relative. 55 used to be really old to me -- not so much anymore <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-embarassed.gif" border="0" alt="Embarassed" title="Embarassed" />
[QUOTE]I think having kids at that age is just selfish - youre only doing it for your selfish desire to procreate, and without any thought to how that child will be brought up (with significally less active parents than all of its peers) or issues they will have to deal with concerning increased health issues from the parents. I dont think its fair.
Posted by Nebb[/QUOTE]
I agree and disagree with this and here is why.
My father has congenital heart disease. When I was 14, my mother warned me that my father could literally drop dead at any moment from a heart attack. I lived with that fear from that moment on and everytime the phone rang in the middle of the night I was convinced it was because he was dead.
When I was 28 my mother was diagnosed with lung cancer. I thought to myself, privately obviously, how ironic it was that I had spent so many years worried that my father would pass away but that it was my mother who had terminal cancer.
I was 29 when my mother died. She was 55. My father will turn 71 this year and while he is still at risk for a heart attack he is alive. He was 38 (almost 39 when he had me and my my mother was only 26 (almost 27 though), well within the 'safe' range of having kids, but he will be the one there on my wedding day (even though I had tried to prepare myself for the reality that he might not when I was younger).
edited: I get that having kids late in life is not the best scenario but you play the cards you are dealt in life. I am happy that my dad still had me (and both my brothers) even though he was older than other fathers of kids my age.
Planning / Married / TTD /
[QUOTE]I think having kids at that age is just selfish - youre only doing it for your selfish desire to procreate,
Posted by Nebb[/QUOTE]
Oh please. Isn't that why anyone ever has children?
My boss is 38 and met with a parent of one of our high school kids the other day who was the same age (I believe kid was 14) and it really freaked him out. He has twin 7 year olds and it came as a shock that he is old enough to have fathered a high schooler.
House / Baby blog
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: When are you too old for babies? : Oh please. Isn't that why anyone ever has children?
Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]
I kind of agree with this. True they may have more health problems but what about the absentee parents that are never around because of their careers. I think it is more selfish of them to have a child that they never see vs. a person who is older starting a family.
You can't shelther your child from pain and most children are around when their parents die. I think as long as you provide a great home to grow up in, it shouldn't really matter.
And even though THREE women that I graduated from high school with all just had healthy, beautiful babies in the last 2 months I'm still kind of scared that me or a baby would have lots of problems.
But, at 47? I don't know ... mine were hard to keep up with when I was 25, I couldn't imagine at almost twice that. But that would be all that would hold me back. I'd just say good luck.
*shrugs*
House / Baby blog
[QUOTE]That's kind of how I feel as well GreenMoon. Yes death can happen at any time, but when I was growing up I would worry about them dying from an accident or something, not just because they are at the end of their life. Right now the CIA world factbook has the average life expectancy of the US at 78 years of age. It's hard to imagine thinking "There is a huge chance my parents won't see me graduate high school" or having a 15 year old dealing with hospital visits and things like heart attacks, stroke, etc. I don't know,<strong> I think I overthink these things too much since Dh is 36 and it's on my mind frequently.</strong>
Posted by katiewhompus[/QUOTE]
<div>Honestly, if FI and I didn't want to try for kids, we might not be getting married this year. But we want a few years of marriage before kids, and a few years between kids, and as I said, he's 36. If we were the same age, it wouldn't be a rush.</div>
40/112
I don't really so much judge other people who want to have kids that old, but I definitely don't think I would (even if I didn't already have one). I also don't want a huge age gap. We want another kid, but we won't be financially ready to have another for a few years at least. I think her being around 10 would probably be the latest I would want to have another baby (so I would be around 32). I just don't want to have to start all over with the baby years.
Definitely not what I had planned but sometimes that's just how it happens. I definitely don't appreciate being judged for being a younger mom, so I don't feel I should judge someone else for how kids worked out for them.
Also, what I meant in rgards to the health issues - what teenage or early 20s kid wants to take care of an elderly parent. Really.