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Wedding Etiquette Forum
scottswife1106
member
I didn't think it was true until today
In the past, I always heard that when you get married, you somehow acquire a/another child. I always thought that wives were just complaining and needed to appreciate their husbands more. Boy oh boy, was I wrong!
This morning my husband calls me 10 minutes before my alarm goes off to tell me that his car ran out of gas on the expressway. I laid there thinking "Are you SERIOUS??" I asked him where he was and at the same time thinking that if I have to get up and go help him, I am going to be super late for work and the kids will be even later for school. I asked him how long his gas light had been on and he told me not ask that "wife" question and at the same time he is giggling.
I told him to call *999 and call me back when he had talked to them. He called back and said that they were on their way and that he would text me when they got there. About 15 minutes later, he sent the text and said that he was cool and was on his way to the gas station.
I cannot believe all of the crazy things he has done that has left me shaking my head at him. I really cannot believe the thought process of men sometimes.
Well that was the start of my hump day. Anyone else wanna bytch or whine about their H? Go right ahead cause I will not believe that I am in this alone.
ETA: Deleted blanket "men" statement.
This morning my husband calls me 10 minutes before my alarm goes off to tell me that his car ran out of gas on the expressway. I laid there thinking "Are you SERIOUS??" I asked him where he was and at the same time thinking that if I have to get up and go help him, I am going to be super late for work and the kids will be even later for school. I asked him how long his gas light had been on and he told me not ask that "wife" question and at the same time he is giggling.
I told him to call *999 and call me back when he had talked to them. He called back and said that they were on their way and that he would text me when they got there. About 15 minutes later, he sent the text and said that he was cool and was on his way to the gas station.
I cannot believe all of the crazy things he has done that has left me shaking my head at him. I really cannot believe the thought process of men sometimes.
Well that was the start of my hump day. Anyone else wanna bytch or whine about their H? Go right ahead cause I will not believe that I am in this alone.
ETA: Deleted blanket "men" statement.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I didn't think it was true until today
Whatever you hatters be hattin. -Tay Prince
[QUOTE]Your blanket assessment of men as overgrown children bothers me. We all do dumb stuff and it has nothing whatsoever to do with sex. H takes just as much care of me as I do him.
Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]
Agreed. You might think your H does stupid shiit but I guarantee you he feels the same way about you.
My FI is generally more forgetful and less observant than I am, like I'll notice that the washing machine has stopped, and it's time to change the laundry, and I can either bug him to do it until he does it, or change it myself. I've kind of learned to pick my battles, and I read an article in the NYT a while ago (link) about what adult ADHD can do to marriages, and I have started taken his forgetfulness not as a sign that he is taking advantage of my responsibleness, but as general forgetfulness. I don't think he has ADHD, but it was still useful to read about how to deal with different attention spans and how to understand everyday chores from someone else's perspective.
ETA: After reading PPs comments about generalizations and running out of gas themselves, I retract the "I don't know what it is about men and filling up thef gas tank" comment.
[QUOTE]Your blanket assessment of men as overgrown children bothers me. We all do dumb stuff and it has nothing whatsoever to do with sex. H takes just as much care of me as I do him.
Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]
This.
OP, your post demeans both sexes. Everyone does dumb stuff (I'm sure you are no exception).
Planning Bio
Married 9/15/11
*This is Not Legal Advice*
[QUOTE]Your blanket assessment of men as overgrown children bothers me. We all do dumb stuff and it has nothing whatsoever to do with sex. H takes just as much care of me as I do him.
Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]
<div>My experience with adult men has been that many of them (if not most) lack some of the basic adult survival skills I (and most if not all women I know) take for granted. Too many of their mothers took care of this stuff for them when they were growing up while most women I know were taught from an early age that they would be responsible for taking care of general life stuff as adults.</div><div>
</div><div>Why do something yourself if there is a very good chance there will always be a woman around to do it for you?</div>
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I didn't think it was true until today : My experience with adult men has been that many of them (if not most) lack some of the basic adult survival skills I (and most if not all women I know) take for granted. Too many of their mothers took care of this stuff for them when they were growing up while most women I know were taught from an early age that they would be responsible for taking care of general life stuff as adults. Why do something yourself if there is a very good chance there will always be a woman around to do it for you?
Posted by katieisawesome[/QUOTE]
I went to a women's college, and there were a good number of women that were clueless when it came to laundry, keeping their rooms clean, and general taking care of yourself issues.
I really recommend the article I posted in my previous post. It's not gender-specific, too.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I didn't think it was true until today : My experience with adult men has been that many of them (if not most) lack some of the basic adult survival skills I (and most if not all women I know) take for granted. Too many of their mothers took care of this stuff for them when they were growing up while most women I know were taught from an early age that they would be responsible for taking care of general life stuff as adults. Why do something yourself if there is a very good chance there will always be a woman around to do it for you?
Posted by katieisawesome[/QUOTE]
<div>I don't agree with this at all. My fiance is incredibly responsible and self sufficient I don't think it's a sex thing at all, I think it's a personality thing. </div>
[QUOTE]Your blanket assessment of men as overgrown children bothers me. We all do dumb stuff and it has nothing whatsoever to do with sex. H takes just as much care of me as I do him.
Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]
Once again LC reads my mind and spits out my thoughts far more eloquently than I could.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I didn't think it was true until today : My experience with adult men has been that many of them (if not most) lack some of the basic adult survival skills I (and most if not all women I know) take for granted. Too many of their mothers took care of this stuff for them when they were growing up while most women I know were taught from an early age that they would be responsible for taking care of general life stuff as adults. Why do something yourself if there is a very good chance there will always be a woman around to do it for you?
Posted by katieisawesome[/QUOTE]
Oh go....somewhere else. My husband was totally taken care of by his mom. But he spent time on his own. He may not do things as *well* as I do, but he learned in a hurry that I wasn't going to do shiit for him like his mom did. He's my husband, not my child.
ETA; I say not as well as I do beacuse his mom never taught him, she just did it for him. He had to teach himself, where as my parents taught me to be self sufficent, I didn't have to guess and teach myself.
[QUOTE]I never used to let my car get below 1/4 tank before I met my FI. A few summers ago, I saw the gas light on for the first time and we almost ran out of gas on the NJ turnpike. I don't know what it is about men and filling up the gas tank. My FI is generally more forgetful and less observant than I am, like I'll notice that the washing machine has stopped, and it's time to change the laundry, and I can either bug him to do it until he does it, or change it myself. I've kind of learned to pick my battles, and I read an article in the NYT a while ago ( link ) about what<strong> adult ADHD can do to marriages,</strong> and I have started taken his forgetfulness not as a sign that he is taking advantage of my responsibleness, but as general forgetfulness. I don't think he has ADHD, but it was still useful to read about how to deal with different attention spans and how to understand everyday chores from someone else's perspective. ETA: After reading PPs comments about generalizations and running out of gas themselves, I retract the "I don't know what it is about men and filling up thef gas tank" comment.
Posted by jessicabessica[/QUOTE]
My FI was diagnosed with ADHD at a age young and it definately impacts our relationship (he's still medicated). There is a great book for spouses of ADHD patients... (searching for book title and author)
Pro Engagement Pics ~ Pro Wedding Pics
[QUOTE]Your blanket assessment of men as overgrown children bothers me. We all do dumb stuff and it has nothing whatsoever to do with sex. H takes just as much care of me as I do him.
Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]
How was that a blanket assessment? I didn't say all men or all husbands.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I didn't think it was true until today : My experience with adult men has been that many of them (if not most) lack some of the basic adult survival skills I (and most if not all women I know) take for granted. Too many of their mothers took care of this stuff for them when they were growing up while most women I know were taught from an early age that they would be responsible for taking care of general life stuff as adults. Why do something yourself if there is a very good chance there will always be a woman around to do it for you?
Posted by katieisawesome[/QUOTE]
This argument holds water of guys still went straight from their mother's homes to their wives. But that's not the case anymore. H lived alone for years. My brother lives alone currently and doesn't have a significant other and you bet your ass he can take care of himself.
Whatever you hatters be hattin. -Tay Prince
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I didn't think it was true until today : My experience with adult men has been that many of them (if not most) lack some of the basic adult survival skills I (and most if not all women I know) take for granted. Too many of their mothers took care of this stuff for them when they were growing up while most women I know were taught from an early age that they would be responsible for taking care of general life stuff as adults. Why do something yourself if there is a very good chance there will always be a woman around to do it for you?
Posted by katieisawesome[/QUOTE]
I guess I am lucky to know some pretty self sufficient men. FI and the vast majority of my male friends live on their own or lived on their own before moving in with girlfriends/wives. So if they didn't take care of themselves (groceries, cooking, laundry, cleaning, etc), it didn't get done. I think you are making a gross and unfair generalization about men.
FI does things that are "baby-ish" (if he can't find something he asks me before even trying to look for it himself) just as I do too (I am a messy person), but we're both self sufficient.
My FI is also bad when it comes to the gas tank. It's like he thinks it's a waste of time if he puts gas in it before it gets to E. When he is in a hurry and I don't have to go anywhere he takes my car just to avoid the gas station. I feel your pain.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I didn't think it was true until today : How was that a blanket assessment? I didn't say all men or all husbands.
Posted by scottswife1106[/QUOTE]
You said men are... (as in all men)
Planning Bio
Married 9/15/11
*This is Not Legal Advice*
That being said, I totally disagree that men are like children. FI is very capable. There may be some things he does not know about say, laundry, but he knows way more than I do about power tools. Everyone has their skill set and that has nothing to do with maturity.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I didn't think it was true until today : My experience with adult men has been that many of them (if not most) lack some of the basic adult survival skills I (and most if not all women I know) take for granted. Too many of their mothers took care of this stuff for them when they were growing up while most women I know were taught from an early age that they would be responsible for taking care of general life stuff as adults. Why do something yourself if there is a very good chance there will always be a woman around to do it for you?
Posted by katieisawesome[/QUOTE]
I really don't like this statement. Most men do not lack basic survival skills.
There is also something about traditional gender roles being implied that I don't care for either.
I really cannot believe the thought process of men sometimes.
Well that was the start of my hump day. Anyone else wanna bytch or whine about their H? Go right ahead cause I will not believe that I am in this alone.
These all sound like blanket statements to me. I think it's just your H because mine is quite self-sufficient.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I didn't think it was true until today : How was that a blanket assessment? I didn't say all men or all husbands.
Posted by scottswife1106[/QUOTE]
Just because you didn't say "all" doesn't mean it wasn't implied. You said "men" instead of "my H" - that makes it a blanket statement.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I didn't think it was true until today : How was that a blanket assessment? I didn't say all men or all husbands.
Posted by scottswife1106[/QUOTE]
<strong>The last six months have shown me that men are nothing but overgrown children.</strong> If that's not a blanket statement, I don't know what is. Why use the plural "men?" If you only meant your husband, how about you say "my husband?"
Whatever you hatters be hattin. -Tay Prince
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I didn't think it was true until today : My experience with adult men has been that many of them (if not most) lack some of the basic adult survival skills I (and most if not all women I know) take for granted. Too many of their mothers took care of this stuff for them when they were growing up while most women I know were taught from an early age that they would be responsible for taking care of general life stuff as adults. <strong>Why do something yourself if there is a very good chance there will always be a woman around to do it for you?</strong>
Posted by katieisawesome[/QUOTE]
This is the way my grandfather thinks. But he got married in the 1950s, so....
I'm don't think this line of thinking is relevant today. I know quite a few women and men who lack common sense about certain things, and yes, H is clueless about some things, but so am I. I don't think it's fair to generalize all men as being this way.
[QUOTE]My FI did scouting, too, and in Alaska where he grew up. That didn't keep him from bringing the gas tank for one stove and the actual stove from another stove (so we couldn't use them together) on our first backpacking trip together.
Posted by jessicabessica[/QUOTE]
Haha! See, now that sounds like something I would do.
Maybe that's why I don't backpack or go camping.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I didn't think it was true until today : <strong> I went to a women's college, and there were a good number of women that were clueless when it came to laundry, keeping their rooms clean, and general taking care of yourself issues.</strong> I really recommend the article I posted in my previous post. It's not gender-specific, too.
Posted by jessicabessica[/QUOTE]
This. I went to a co-ed school, but I knew plenty of people of varying genders who were unable to take care of basic day-to-day chores. It has nothing to do with gender. And I think most of us have run out of gas or left the lights on and killed the car battery or something similar at least once. Shiit happens.
generic blog link.