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Theresa626
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etiquette
I've never been a fan of etiquette. I know it's there to make others more comfortable but I am usually not bothered when people do things that do not follow etiquette: I don't give a s*it if you put your elbows on the table, don't say excuse me when you burp or eat with the wrong fork, etc.
So, what wedding etiiquette irritates you? Regardless of whether you're going to follow it or not, what irritates you?
There is plenty of wedding etiquette that I will follow because othe people say I have to but it definitely irritates me.
The number one thing that irritates me is not being able to list your registry anywhere. If I'm invited to a wedding, I'd like to ask that all brides and grooms just put the damn registry info in the damn invite. I don't want to be bothered to call you and ask or have to go look it up. I'm going to buy you a gift off of your registry anyway and it's there for my convenience so why do i have to go hunting for it? This is the stupidest rule ever.
2. Not asking for cash. Also stupid. I think you should be able to put that you need a down payment for a house, etc, on your registry if you fucking want to. I mean really.... do you really need a blender or fine china more than a house? I think people should give gifts that are needed and wanted not gifts for the sake of etiquette. I don't really care about the rules here. If someone told me they needed money for a honeymoon or a down payment really badly then I'd just give em cash. I mean, the point of a gift is to make the person happy.
3. The way you have to list names on an invite. I really dislike being called mrs. Man's first name, man's last name. I didn't take on his first name too. I'd like to invite people as first and first last name. women have first names and identities other than being a wife.
So, what wedding etiiquette irritates you? Regardless of whether you're going to follow it or not, what irritates you?
There is plenty of wedding etiquette that I will follow because othe people say I have to but it definitely irritates me.
The number one thing that irritates me is not being able to list your registry anywhere. If I'm invited to a wedding, I'd like to ask that all brides and grooms just put the damn registry info in the damn invite. I don't want to be bothered to call you and ask or have to go look it up. I'm going to buy you a gift off of your registry anyway and it's there for my convenience so why do i have to go hunting for it? This is the stupidest rule ever.
2. Not asking for cash. Also stupid. I think you should be able to put that you need a down payment for a house, etc, on your registry if you fucking want to. I mean really.... do you really need a blender or fine china more than a house? I think people should give gifts that are needed and wanted not gifts for the sake of etiquette. I don't really care about the rules here. If someone told me they needed money for a honeymoon or a down payment really badly then I'd just give em cash. I mean, the point of a gift is to make the person happy.
3. The way you have to list names on an invite. I really dislike being called mrs. Man's first name, man's last name. I didn't take on his first name too. I'd like to invite people as first and first last name. women have first names and identities other than being a wife.
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Re: etiquette
2. Also the naming conventions. We didn't follow this either. We addressed them how we wanted, or how we thought they would prefer. Some were "Lastname Family" some were "Mr & Mrs Lastname" and some were "First & First Lastname" Hell, some were just "First & First" lol
3. Separate invites for children over 18 even if they live at home. We didn't follow this either lol. Why waste another invite? Its ridiculous. The only one we sent a separate invite to was a recently divorced BM that is temporarily living with her parents. She got her own because it had additional info in it about the rehearsal etc.
Fabulosity in the Works / Rockin' the Rock / For Sale
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1. I HATE the whole not giving info about your registry to ppl. the majority of the ppl coming for our wedding will be from out of town so they wont be getting the registry info anyway (since we want them to give us cash) but for the people who live in Florida...they'll be getting a little insert of BBB and macys thank you very much.
2. Not telling people you need money?! r u serious? we need it! Apparently my mom said there is a way for us to write it in french that lets everyone know what it means, but the thing is that I dont know if FI's family will understand what it says... so for those coming from Canada "corbeille nuptiale" will be written and they will get the point. For the rest of them...i guess word of mouth, we havent figured that one out yet.
3. Inviting people because they live together...listen, if you moved in last month and i never met you...i really dont want to have to pay a 45 dollars plate for you... why do i need to invite you?!
4. Sending an invite because you are over 18 but still live with your parents?ummm u live with your parents... the invite they get is the invite YOU get too! LOL
Thats all i can think of right now.
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[QUOTE]i agree with some of those, but i really really really don't think you should ask for money. if you want money, don't register for anything. people will get the hint. i don't think it should be acceptable and i would never do it.
Posted by SarahSmile23[/QUOTE]
I agree 100%.
I agree that I don't care about elbows on tables or what fork you use, but I find burping pretty gross, so I'd hope you'd try to prevent that and if you couldn't - at least be embarassed and appologize.
Listing the registry - I understand the practicality of your thought process, but I also know many, many people view that as a request for gifts. It's a tough balancing act. Fortunately, theknot, weddingchannel, and google make it pretty easy to find my registries when I'm a wedding guest.
Asking for cash - I can't think of a way to do that without it sounding like you're asking for people to give you money. At least with a registry you're publicly announcing what you otherwise intend to buy yourself as of a set date (your wedding), and your guests are merely given the option to beat you to it if they wish.
To me, if you really NEED cash, you should scale back your wedding, find less expensive living accomodations, etc. I understand WANTING it, but NEEDING it is different, to me.
The naming I think should be done to suit the recipient's preferences. I do think some people forget that Mrs. John Smith means "wife of John Smith." It isn't an attempt to use your name - it's using your title. Your name would just be Salle Smith. But, again, as long as the recipient is happy - I personally wouldn't care on this one.
Same with the invites for adults living in someone else's household. If the recipient doesn't care - whatever. It's tricky to know who would care and who wouldn't. Personally, I'm really offended when people send invites for me to my parents house - my own or on my parents' invite. Then again, I haven't lived at their home for 11 years, and have owned two homes of my own since then. If you can't splurge on a stamp and send it to ME, I probably am not close enough to you to WANT to attend your wedding.
Paper RSVPs - eh, whatever. There are reasons they work for some, and reasons they don't for others.
Inviting live-in SOs. Yeah, FI lived with me for 6 months before we were engaged. We were an item long before that, though, and thus a package deal. I have friends that live all over the US, and we don't get to see each other as often as we'd like. If any of them had invited me and told me FI wasn't welcome at any point more than a month after our first date, I would have taken that really personally. Just because they haven't met him due to the travel required to do so doesn't mean he isn't real, part of my life to stay, etc. My relationship doesn't require validation from others to exist.
The thing is - etiquette exists because it's SO hard to know how all of your guests feel about things like this. The "rules" are just to make sure you're not pissing somebody off who wouldn't tell you. The people most likely to be offended are the least likely to tell you that they are. Apply the "rules" as you see fit, just try to do so thoughtfully.
Really, tho, Sarah and Navy are right on the cash thing. I totally can't see a way around that one.
Dresses may be easier to take in than let out, but guest lists are not. -- kate51485
For the bolded section above, I wouldn't count on your Canadian guests understanding what you mean if you just put that on your invitation as a message that you want cash. I'm Canadian and have never, ever seen that before. I also asked a couple of Quebecois friends just now and they also have never seen it before. I thought perhaps it may be just a regional thing. A corbeille nuptiale is simply just a card box.
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Steve and I were so annoyed that we gave them cash, but we gave them half the amount we would have spent on a gift.
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[QUOTE]i agree with some of those, but i really really really don't think you should ask for money. if you want money, don't register for anything. people will get the hint. i don't think it should be acceptable and i would never do it.
Posted by SarahSmile23[/QUOTE]
Straight up asking for cash is tacky, and it's even worse if you do it in a "cute" little poem or another language. I think I would skip that wedding all together cause you can almost count on it being a cash bar.
and welcome back navy and devon. i havent seen you since the format change.
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[QUOTE]and welcome back navy and devon. i havent seen you since the format change.
Posted by SarahSmile23[/QUOTE]
Thats because the new format sucks.
But straight out asking for cash makes my skin crawl. Yes life circumstances can suck and change in a blink. But honestly if I went to an extravagant wedding after reading in the invitation how the couple neeeeded cash for a gift, I'd be offended.
Yes, weddings are important and (hopefully) once-in-a-lifetime events. But that doesn't mean you can't be practical about your budget for it. ESP if you're tight on funds otherwise.
& yes, registries are basically requests for gifts. But it's different than basically begging for cash. I sometimes like to give a check or cash because it's practical & I like practical gifts for people. But if it was almost a "requirement" I'd be taken aback. I might even buy a gift just out of spite.
[QUOTE]I might even buy a gift just out of spite.
Posted by BentleyBaby[/QUOTE]
This is why we're friends. Well, one of the many reasons anyways.
/rant
[QUOTE] <strong>As for listing the registry in your invites, I can't think of a single person, my grandmother included, who would consider that a gift-grab kind of action. It's standard protocol these days. </strong>Since we're conserving paper we won't include that on the mailed invitation, but guests will be directed to our website for all information and the registry will be openly listed. <strong>Since no one I know finds it tacky</strong>, I'll risk that to avoid making my wedding a hassle for anyone else. [/QUOTE]
It is absolutely NOT standard protocol. How do you know they don't think it's tacky? Have you asked them? If so, what did they say? I find it a little bit hard to believe that when something is regarded by most people as rude, that out of ALLLLL your guests, not a single one of them finds it tacky. Seems statistically impossible.
FWIW, posting your registry on your website is not tacky.
^this
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Um, slow to not at all?
We still haven't really set a date. FI's dad has advanced lung cancer so we're kind of taking things one day at a time. Thanks for asking, though.
Hey mod, where'd my "Free Central Florida" sig go?
[QUOTE]Um, slow to not at all? We still haven't really set a date. FI's dad has advanced lung cancer so we're kind of taking things one day at a time. Thanks for asking, though. Hey mod, where'd my "Free Central Florida" sig go?
Posted by I'm knot at work[/QUOTE]
haha, that's right, you did have a free cfl sig. that was funny. i'm not sure, i didn't delete it. i thought you replaced it with your current sig? sorry. :(
and i'm sorry about your dad!
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Also, I know I will get flack for it, but do I really need to have all 9 of my bridesmaids be invited w/ a date if we don't know their significant other?? I know, I'm a horrible friend and a bridezilla blah blah blah, but really? Some of my friends date jerks who I don't want to spend ridic amounts of money on just cause my dear friend can't wake up and smell the coffee...no. Meanwhille, we have to cut our friends that we want in the name of etiquette and inviting ppl I've never heard of.
Apparently, my dad also things it's proper to invite his staff under him. Does anyone know if that's true? I tried to cut it to the ppl I've atleast HEARD of, and he ADDED THEM BACK IN!! I guess that's 12 more of my friends who won't be invited..
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[QUOTE]In Response to Re: etiquette : It is absolutely NOT standard protocol. How do you know they don't think it's tacky? Have you asked them? If so, what did they say? I find it a little bit hard to believe that when something is regarded by most people as rude, that out of ALLLLL your guests, not a single one of them finds it tacky. Seems statistically impossible. FWIW, posting your registry on your website is not tacky.
Posted by I'm knot at work[/QUOTE]
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</div><div>Yep, actually I have. We're inviting people we maintain regular contact with, so we talk about everything, wedding stuff included. I find it statistically impossible that "most" people regard having a registry as rude or tacky. Haven't been to a single wedding (ever) where there wasn't a registry, so that sounds like standard protocol to me. Perhaps there was some confusion about what I was referring to as standard protocol - having the registry at all, that is, not listing in on invites.</div>
Fabulosity in the Works / Rockin' the Rock / For Sale
[QUOTE]I don't like the new format either. But straight out asking for cash makes my skin crawl. Yes life circumstances can suck and change in a blink. But honestly if I went to an extravagant wedding after reading in the invitation how the couple neeeeded cash for a gift, I'd be offended. Yes, weddings are important and (hopefully) once-in-a-lifetime events. But that doesn't mean you can't be practical about your budget for it. ESP if you're tight on funds otherwise. & yes, registries are basically requests for gifts. But it's different than basically begging for cash. I sometimes like to give a check or cash because it's practical & I like practical gifts for people. But if it was almost a "requirement" I'd be taken aback. I might even buy a gift just out of spite.
Posted by BentleyBaby[/QUOTE]<div>
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</div><div>I can definitely see what you're saying. In that sort of situation, I think you're right that the perception given is pretty poor, especially to guests who might not know the backstory if there was some major change in plans/job loss/etc. </div><div>
</div><div>Like I said before, I'm not cool personally with asking for cash, either. I guess if someone's gonna do it, there has to be a not-so-gross way to go about it.
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</div><div>And RE the dad's coworkers, if he's paying for the wedding it's kinda tough to tell him no, but if not, it should be your call. Your wedding should include the people who are important in your life. As for the etiquette for inviting parents' coworkers, my understanding is that it's appropriate for them to invite their bosses, but not necessarily the people who work under them unless you're particularly close to those people. Does that sound right to anyone else?</div>
Fabulosity in the Works / Rockin' the Rock / For Sale
Fabulosity in the Works / Rockin' the Rock / For Sale