FAQs & Invitations Faux Paus

squirrly · April 2010

Please help me build a new sticky. Post your best advice HERE.

NOTE: This particlar thread is not for discussion on WHY something is good or bad. Please start a new one if you want to debate something here. I'd like this to be a concise quick reference. If you post something totally out there, it will be subject to deletion. In an ordinary post, I wouldn't do that, but let's focus on tried-and-true advice here - not special circumstances or exceptions.

aerinpegadrak · April 2010

Q: What shouldn't go on the invitation?
Registry information, attire guidelines (unless the wedding is truly black tie, or if the venue has dress code restrictions), any permutations of "no children allowed."

SaraAndrew2010 · April 2010

Q: Do I have to invite someone to the wedding if I sent them a STD?
A: Yes

Q: Do I have to invite someone to the wedding if they are invited to the bridal shower and/or bachelorette party?
A: Yes

Q: Do I have to invite a guest with their spouse, FI, or live-in partner?
A: Yes

Q: Even if I don't like the spouse, FI, or live-in partner?
A: Still yes

Q: My reception location only holds X people, how many people should I invite?
A: No more than X people. There is no way to predict how many people will accept your invitation. Some brides have extremely high accept rates (almost 100%).

Q: Can I invite someone to the ceremony only?
A: No

Q: I don't want people to bring their kids. How do I communicate this?
A: Address the envelopes (inner and outer) to the people invited.
If a guests RSVPs with their children, call them up and say, "I'm sorry for the confusion. We are having an adult reception and aren't able to accomodate little Johnny. I hope that you and Bob are still able to attend".

HisCB · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_faqs-invitations-faux-paus-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:e4ae8048-5357-4ab0-a816-d42e143286ccPost:be0ee022-5282-4f00-bab9-fa9065c707b9">Re: FAQs & Invitations Faux Paus</a>:
[QUOTE]should i include a space on the invitation for the names of the invited? a lot of the more modern invitations seem to have just the details of the event and no space to put to whom it is!
Posted by topcatiom[/QUOTE]

the names of the people invited are on the envelope, it isnt like a christmas card where you write their name at the top above the printed sentiment.

maybe i misunderstood your question though?

HisCB · April 2010

go to several post offices with COMPLETE invitation to get a quote on postage.

yes you need to put postage on the return envelope for the rsvp.

address it to WIFE AND HUSBAND LASTNAME, to not seperate the man from his last name.

topcatiom · April 2010

i agree, i dont want to have to write the names on it, it is however quite common where i live (UK) but i dont like it!

flissyp · May 2010

I am having the same problem. We are having a destination wedding and some people were able to tell us as soon as they received the STD that they wouldn't be able to come to the wedding. I think I might still send them an invitation with a note saying that we thought they would like an invitation as a momento. What did you decide to do?

xheddyx · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_faqs-invitations-faux-paus-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:e4ae8048-5357-4ab0-a816-d42e143286ccPost:55f0031f-fbc0-4e87-993e-702bf4170b43">FAQs & Invitations Faux Paus</a>:
[QUOTE]Please help me build a new sticky. Post your best advice HERE. NOTE: This particlar thread is not for discussion on WHY something is good or bad. Please start a new one if you want to debate something here. I'd like this to be a concise quick reference. If you post something totally out there, it will be subject to deletion. In an ordinary post, I wouldn't do that, but let's focus on tried-and-true advice here - not special circumstances or exceptions.
Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]

I love your map for the wedding. Who made that for you?

texasmfs · May 2010

I have a question---I am not getting married in my home town--in order to try and keep my wedding small. My friends's children are being invited to the weekend (i.e. Friday night dinner, ceremony, & Sunday breakfast); but, I am having a separate kids party for them. Do I need to invite the children of my family who live in the city where I'm getting married to the ceremony and kids' party?

squirrly · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_faqs-invitations-faux-paus-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:e4ae8048-5357-4ab0-a816-d42e143286ccPost:7af7069c-e95e-4342-b109-f78da7b1dafa">Re: FAQs & Invitations Faux Paus</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to FAQs & Invitations Faux Paus : I love your map for the wedding. Who made that for you?
Posted by xheddyx[/QUOTE]

I did. I used the directions on Weddingmapper.com, except that I used Photoshop as my software of choice. It took some serious time to get it right, though - the better part of a Saturday afternoon.

squirrly · June 2010

Proper ways to address invitaions:

Married Couple, same last name
outter envelope: Mr. and Mrs. John Smith
inner envelope: Mr. and Mrs. Smith

Married Couple, different last name
outter envelope: Ms. Jane Doe and Mr. John Smith
inner envelope: Ms. Doe and Mr. Smith

Unmarried Couple at the same address
outter envelope: Ms. Jane Doe
                            Mr. John Smith
inner envelope:   Ms. Doe
                            Mr. Smith

adding children to an invitation
outter envelope: Jane, Suzanne, and Todd
inner envelope: Jane, Suzanne, and Todd

Other possible title combinations:

Dr. and Mrs. David Jones
Captain and Mrs. David Jones
The Doctors Jones
Captain Mary Jones and Mr. David Jones (could also be Mr. and Mrs., depending on the woman's preferred social title)
Mr. John Doe and Mr. David Jones (married gay couple - having a ceremony is good enough to qualify as married - you don't need to see a legal certificate)
Ms. Jane Doe and Ms. Sally Smith (married lesbian couple)
Reverand and Mrs. David Jones
Reverand Maria Jones and Mr. David Jones
Ms. Mary Jones and the Honorable David Jones (Judge)

khowa01 · June 2010

Can I put our website at the bottom of our invitation? We only have invitations and reply cards, no other inserts, thanks!

squirrly · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_faqs-invitations-faux-paus-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:e4ae8048-5357-4ab0-a816-d42e143286ccPost:a4c090ae-12c6-41ab-bbda-dfce737b0e06">Re: FAQs & Invitations Faux Paus</a>:
[QUOTE]Can I put our website at the bottom of our invitation? We only have invitations and reply cards, no other inserts, thanks!
Posted by khowa01[/QUOTE]

I would not. You can make lovely inserts out of coordinating paper/cardstock with your website on it very inexpensively. Business card sized is fine. Just try something like this:

For more information on accommodations, transportation, and [insert other stuff here but DO NOT MENTION REGISTRY] please visit our wedding website: <a href="http://www.brideandgroom.com" rel="nofollow">http://www.brideandgroom.com</a>

sarah&andre · June 2010

Is it okay to not let the invited single guests bring a guest?

We have a limited amount of people that the venue can hold and have already had to trim our list. I feel like its not fair to let some of the single people invited bring a guest who we may have never met when we've already crossed off someonewe would like to have there.

We invited the spouses of all married couples and in a serious relationship couples.

squirrly · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_faqs-invitations-faux-paus-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:e4ae8048-5357-4ab0-a816-d42e143286ccPost:ff79e172-7cf5-4f6b-80d0-7981f5933a55">Re: FAQs & Invitations Faux Paus</a>:
[QUOTE]Is it okay to not let the invited single guests bring a guest? We have a limited amount of people that the venue can hold and have already had to trim our list. I feel like its not fair to let some of the single people invited bring a guest who we may have never met when we've already crossed off someonewe would like to have there. We invited the spouses of all married couples and in a serious relationship couples.
Posted by sarah&andre[/QUOTE]

Single doesn't just mean "not married", right? Guests who are married, engaged, or living together absolutely must be invited with their SO. Also, "significant" relationships should be respected - and it's up to the people in the relationship to determine if it's significant. If you know for sure they're not seeing anyone, you don't have to give them an "and guest", but if they have a boyfriend or girlfriend, you really should invite the couple together.

verany517 · June 2010

my venue has a 220 person max, but there's about 40 more people we'd like to invite if enough people rsvp that they can't make it. This seemed simple enough at first to us but now we've got these two lists, the A list and the B list. How should we do our invitations RSVP by dates? Also, I think my bridal shower is going to be the month before the wedding.. do I end up not inviting the B list people to the bridal shower? It's a shame cause the A list has ALOT of my FI family that MIL insisted on inviting even though they probably won't come and B list has alot of MIL friends who would def want to come and would also want to come to the bridal shower. What do I do?!

kuchinx · June 2010

We're having heavy hors d'oeuvres and wine/champagne reception and it's for adult only due to limited space. How do we word it in the invitation card without offending our guests?

sndorsey · June 2010

How do you find everyone's addresses? Many are not on whitepages.com, etc. Is it rude to email and ask for addresses? I have provided it for some weddings, and don't mind at all. But I am not sure if it is a faux paus. Thank you!

Tim & Ash · June 2010

I am having inner and outer envelopes. Do I put "& Guest" on the outer envelope too or just on the inner. Also do I address the save the dates the same way I would the invitations? For families with children I planned on addressing the outer envelopes "Mr. and Mrs. John Doe" then the inner with the kids names as well. But I'm not sure what to do now for save the dates. Sorry for any confusion in my writing! Uhh this is by far my least favorite part of wedding planning!

Amy+Chris · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_faqs-invitations-faux-paus-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:e4ae8048-5357-4ab0-a816-d42e143286ccPost:33237cad-8f98-441f-89ef-018162781be4">Re: FAQs & Invitations Faux Paus</a>:
[QUOTE]How do you find everyone's addresses? Many are not on whitepages.com, etc. Is it rude to email and ask for addresses? I have provided it for some weddings, and don't mind at all. But I am not sure if it is a faux paus. Thank you!
Posted by sndorsey[/QUOTE]

I sent emails, facebook messages, and pestered my grandma and the MIL for addresses. I am not sending out invites for months, but I have a running word doc of all invites and addresses. I started getting addresses early so I have less of a chance of becoming obnoxious by pestering everybody for addresses days before the invites must be sent! When it is getting close to the time to mail invites, I'll ask for any address updates via email, facebook, or relatives. Congrats!

JennRyan0810 · June 2010

What about printing labels on the outer envelopes? I do not have the best handwriting and I think it would be faster since I have all the addresses saved on here anyway?

texgal79 · June 2010

Regarding the proper etiquette of addressing names on invitations, a point of clarification:
The salutation pair Mr. and Mrs. was traditionally used for only the husband's name (ie., "Mr. and Mrs. Brad Pitt") Historically, it was not considered proper to say Mrs. Angelina Pitt; Mrs." was rarely used before a woman's first name, maiden name, or before a hyphenated surname her husband was not using. For example, "Mrs. Jane Smith" (the wife of John Smith) was considered incorrect by many etiquette writers, especially of the early 20th century.
Many older women and more traditional areas of the country are fine with Mrs. Husband's name, but many younger women would be appalled at losing their first name to their husband's. Plus, many women are increasingly using the salutation "Ms." no matter their marital status. So, nowadays, you will see "Ms." followed by the woman's first name and her married (husband's) surname. For example, "Mr. Brad Pitt and Ms. Angelina Pitt."
If you have girlfriends who took their husband's names, but you know they would feel "weird" without their first names, or you know the woman much better than you know the man, you can simply spell both out names using the Mr. and Ms. salutations. It's also okay to say, "Mrs. Angelina Pitt" but true etiquette experts frown on the use of Mrs. with the woman's first name.
- The man's name is always listed first (yes, it looks weird in front of a Mrs., but that's tradition), except when the wife (or live-in companion) outranks him. For example, if the woman is a doctor, mayor, minister, judge, lawyer, etc. she should be listed first. I.e., "Ms. Nancy Smith, Esq. and Mr. John Smith". If both husband and wife have equivalent titles, the man precedes, i.e., "Dr. John Smith and the Honorable Nancy Smith."

choesli · July 2010

Is it absolutly necessary to have an inner envelope? It seems redundant and just adds weight. I'm addressing my own envelopes and must admit that the extra time is not exciting.

grandboisd3 · July 2010

OMG i just realized STD means save the date!! haha i was wondering why you were asking if you have to invite someone u gave a STD? lol

rlwais · August 2010

Thanks! Where can you order belly bands? Do you have the calligrapher write the names on the belly band or do you have them pre-printed?

squirrly · August 2010

Most people make their own, but there are some etsy sellers who have them.

geosbride · August 2010

Is it standard procedure to send an invite to one's photog?? Seems silly since he'll be busy the whole time, but thot it important to ask.

squirrly · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_faqs-invitations-faux-paus-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:e4ae8048-5357-4ab0-a816-d42e143286ccPost:29bb8dfa-dc43-452d-bfe3-3aa077a49819">Re: FAQs & Invitations Faux Paus</a>:
[QUOTE]Is it standard procedure to send an invite to one's photog?? Seems silly since he'll be busy the whole time, but thot it important to ask. :)
Posted by geosbride[/QUOTE]

Nope. The only vendor who gets an invitation is the officiant, since they would be seated as a regular guest at the reception. Any others present for the reception would be working then & wouldn't sit with the guests for dinner.

Although, many people like to give the photographer an invitation so that he can photograph it.

Tisha. · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_faqs-invitations-faux-paus-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:e4ae8048-5357-4ab0-a816-d42e143286ccPost:8b48064a-b830-4032-b344-44b065d7a17d">Re: FAQs & Invitations Faux Paus</a>:
[QUOTE]Although, many people like to give the photographer an invitation so that he can photograph it.
Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]

That's what I'm doing. I sent her an invitation w/ the map insert. So, she'll have the invite for photos and the map insert to help her find the location (it's out of town a bit).

Meg0911 · August 2010

If I'm inviting a distant relative or family friend with adult children, if I invite one of their children do I need to invite all of them?

julie21homes · August 2010

If I'm inviting a distant relative or family friend with adult children, if I invite one of their children do I need to invite all of them?

I have questions about this subject too...any thoughts?

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