Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-way-say-bring-stripper-will-injure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b37175dc-c6b1-476b-9b36-3e7895b364e9Post:bd8b91b8-a8a6-460d-af1d-db300aa198ce">Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"</a>:
[QUOTE]OP I don't understand why you are hosting the party at a hotel then. Can you not host the party at your house or apartment? I would be much less likely to go against someone's wishes in their home than in a hotel room that they were paying for. And if I was a BM in a wedding and told the bachelorette party was in a hotel room, I would expect there would be drinking and strippers invited. Or else I don't see the point of getting a hotel.
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

OR just do dinner and movie. For real. Or pedicures?

strlzfan11 · November 2010

So why don't you all just go out to dinner and a movie and call it a night?

NuggetBrain · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-way-say-bring-stripper-will-injure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b37175dc-c6b1-476b-9b36-3e7895b364e9Post:b20d63d5-0d21-4359-b9ba-20249275dfeb">Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm having several problems with this party. My first problem is advising the stripper when he arrives that there is an underage person in the room. <strong>Actually there will be three women under the age of 21 which is under the legal age for alcohol consumption</strong>. I'm not sure about strippers from a legal point of view. From a taste perspective, totally inappropriate, but I feel it is very thoughtless to allow the stripper to waste his time coming only to be told he can't perform because of the age of the guests. In fact, I would think the age issues should be covered in the contract. I would expect the contract to say something along the line of "This is adult only entertainment, etc." The alcohol and stripper are both potentially very serious legal issues so you might as well rent a roulette wheel just to make it even more fun? And, of course, you do understand that should the law get involved here, it will be those over 21 who will bear the burden of this unwise (OK I mean tasteless) escapade.
Posted by Alexmom2[/QUOTE]

You don't have to be 21 to go see a stripper. You have to be 18. Sooooo...yeah.

Liberty27 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-way-say-bring-stripper-will-injure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b37175dc-c6b1-476b-9b36-3e7895b364e9Post:c66b7632-7045-459f-bbb2-d515969514f8">Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?" : But why? Since she's legally allowed to go to the strip club and is, well, getting MARRIED to a dude with a gentelmen's sausage, I'm assuming. So if she hasn't seen it yet, she will soon. And it's perfectly legal for her to watch porn and access strippers. So that argument doesn't hold water. Not wanting to host a party with strippers involved is fine. And I suggest you send an email saying, "Just a reminder, there won't be any alcohol at the party. Also, no strippers. Sorry, I'm paying for the room. If a stripper shows up he'll have to leave, even if he's been paid in full." Done. I wrote that in 30 seconds.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

<div>The e-mail is what I am planning on doing.</div>

Liberty27 · November 2010

Sorry Dani, I would have acknowledged it sooner. My bad.

salt78 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-way-say-bring-stripper-will-injure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b37175dc-c6b1-476b-9b36-3e7895b364e9Post:3f478f8a-7829-48b4-a189-f95bab8ead5a">Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"</a>:
[QUOTE]So why don't you all just go out to dinner and a movie and call it a night?
Posted by strlzfan11[/QUOTE]

<div>Yeah this.</div><div>My bachelorette party wasn't an all night stripper fest and I had an awesome time. </div>

sarah0725 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-way-say-bring-stripper-will-injure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b37175dc-c6b1-476b-9b36-3e7895b364e9Post:c0aff42b-9852-4301-a593-5cbfc802cec2">Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?" : Yes, she is a family member, I will be staying at my parents house part of the time and my aunts house (brides mom) the other part of time. We can't have it at my parent's house because it is over an hour away, not to mention I wouldn't let a stripper into my mom's house either, and having it at my aunt's house is a no-go because her husband is undergoing chemo and is sick a lot.
Posted by Liberty27[/QUOTE]

Then, I dunno. Go out to dinner. Go play laser tag. Get spa stuff done. Go to the movies. Take the money you'd spend on a hotel room and funnel it into doing something that's not in the middle of the night that a group of girls would enjoy. You're setting yourself up for problems with this hotel thing.

Beachy730 · November 2010

So then this is your hotel room that you would be staying in regardless correct? So you aren't necessarily going out of your way to pay for a room for the party, just basically hosting it in your "home" for the time being.

Can all of the posters saying how inappropriate this would be and how awful to have someone underage drink or see a stripper honestly say they never did anything they weren't supposed to do? We used to chalk our IDs all the time and get fake IDs and go to bars and strip clubs all the time. Some of you posters are acting like you've never done a single thing you weren't allowed to do.

Rosie109 · November 2010

This is just making my head hurt. OP before you even asked this question you HAD to know how to politely let the other bridesmaids know that you do not want a stripper there. I mean, what are you looking for here? Reassurance that its cool that you don't allow strippers?

NuggetBrain · November 2010

At this point, I want to know where it is so I can send a stripper to the room. Because it sounds like you guys need to spice some sh*t up, yo.

danieliza1127 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-way-say-bring-stripper-will-injure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b37175dc-c6b1-476b-9b36-3e7895b364e9Post:3afa5672-5acf-4c25-a691-00b94d1fb292">Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"</a>:
[QUOTE]So then this is your hotel room that you would be staying in regardless correct? So you aren't necessarily going out of your way to pay for a room for the party, just basically hosting it in your "home" for the time being. Can all of the posters saying how inappropriate this would be and how awful to have someone underage drink or see a stripper honestly say they never did anything they weren't supposed to do? We used to chalk our IDs all the time and get fake IDs and go to bars and strip clubs all the time. Some of you posters are acting like you've never done a single thing you weren't allowed to do.
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

Um, I think only like 2 people agreed that it was inappropriate.

Liberty27 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-way-say-bring-stripper-will-injure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b37175dc-c6b1-476b-9b36-3e7895b364e9Post:4954f6dc-786e-425c-b53e-24ca173e8f3a">Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?" : Yeah this. My bachelorette party wasn't an all night stripper fest and I had an awesome time.
Posted by salt78[/QUOTE]

<div>It is also partially to get the bride and the bride's sister out of the house for the night. Spend some time with their girlfriends. They have been having a tough time with their dad being so sick.</div>

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-way-say-bring-stripper-will-injure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b37175dc-c6b1-476b-9b36-3e7895b364e9Post:16e71d19-eff8-4682-a907-6eeaf6613008">Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?" : The e-mail is what I am planning on doing.
Posted by Liberty27[/QUOTE]

It's just odd that you couldn't figure that out on your own, considering you figured out how to tell them not to bring alcohol.

laladypoet · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-way-say-bring-stripper-will-injure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b37175dc-c6b1-476b-9b36-3e7895b364e9Post:85e1036f-dba8-474e-86aa-07985cb26afd">Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?" : It is also partially to get the bride and the bride's sister out of the house for the night. Spend some time with their girlfriends. They have been having a tough time with their dad being so sick.
Posted by Liberty27[/QUOTE]
I get that. send the email. it sounds like you've known what to do since page 2.

salt78 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-way-say-bring-stripper-will-injure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b37175dc-c6b1-476b-9b36-3e7895b364e9Post:3afa5672-5acf-4c25-a691-00b94d1fb292">Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"</a>:
[QUOTE]So then this is your hotel room that you would be staying in regardless correct? So you aren't necessarily going out of your way to pay for a room for the party, just basically hosting it in your "home" for the time being.
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

<div>It sounds like she IS getting the hotel for the party though. She said she has a place to stay while she is there for the wedding, but that they just can't throw a party at either of those houses. </div><div>
</div><div>So in that case...what everyone else suggested. Dinner. Spa stuff. Etc. Then there won't be room for strippers and booze and all the little angels can be home in bed at a reasonable hour and you won't have to shell out the $$ for the hotel. </div>

KentuckyKate · November 2010

I say you should find out the bride's POV on strippers. If she is ok with it and you're the only one in the bunch against it, bag the hotel room idea and have the party at someone's house. This way you're not responsible for any possible moral debauchery.

I have been to two parties with male strippers (both as an 18 year old) and the stripper didn't even get all the way naked. I believe the deal was "I'll show you if you want to see" or something like that, and I think only 2 girls out of 20 took a peek. It was hilarious, but not sexy at all. No one was remotely "turned on," but it was a freaking blast. I have some pictures if you're curious!!!

brookelynpaisley · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-way-say-bring-stripper-will-injure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b37175dc-c6b1-476b-9b36-3e7895b364e9Post:0f94ec72-6ffb-4103-8ac4-ea3f57d84e7f">Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?" : I was more concerned what to do if the stripper actually showed up. I apologize, in the future I know not to ask wedding-related advice on a wedding advice forum.
Posted by Liberty27[/QUOTE]

::Pops popcorn, buckles seatbelt, straps on strap-on::

danieliza1127 · November 2010

This whole thing could have been over on page 2 if you had just said "oh okay, I'll just send them an e-mail then. Can I kick the stripper out if he shows up anyway?" and we'd all say "sure, the girls might be mad but yeah you can" and you'd say "okay cool, thanks everyone!" and the post would have fizzled out after some jokes about greased up men.

Nebb · November 2010

I dont understand at all how partying in a hotel room is the ONLY option that you are willing to entertain? Why cant any of the other suggestions youve received be a suitable alternative that is fun and gets those girls minds off of their father? I dont get that.

tidetravel · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-way-say-bring-stripper-will-injure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b37175dc-c6b1-476b-9b36-3e7895b364e9Post:0f94ec72-6ffb-4103-8ac4-ea3f57d84e7f">Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?" : I was more concerned what to do if the stripper actually showed up. <strong> I apologize, in the future I know not to ask wedding-related advice on</strong> a wedding advice forum.
Posted by Liberty27[/QUOTE]

And you're the oldest of the BM's? I'd expect a tantrum like that to come from your not-old-enough-to-see-dick friend.

brookelynpaisley · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-way-say-bring-stripper-will-injure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b37175dc-c6b1-476b-9b36-3e7895b364e9Post:2619d679-cd8a-41cf-83a3-3831276d9936">Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?" : And you're the oldest of the BM's? I'd expect a tantrum like that to come from your not-old-enough-to-see-dick friend.
Posted by tidetravel[/QUOTE]

DED

Manwaithiel · November 2010

Oh my gosh, OP. Just tell them no strippers, send him away if he comes because it is YOUR hotel room. The end. I don't know why you're still talking about this.

I happen to not agree with posters who think that underage BP members should be left out of the festivities just because the bride wants to go do "adult" things. You can have fun without getting trashed. It's really possible, I promise. If you want to have only "adult" parties that required things that people under 18/21 can't do, then you shouldn't be asking underage people to be in your BP. I think it's really crappy to exclude someone because of how old they are. You might as well have not asked them to be in the BP in the first place. You all claim you would "understand" as an underage person, but I seriously doubt you would if you actually were in that situation. My MOH is going to be 16 and if anyone in the BP suggested something that she couldn't do and just said "We'll have a consolation party for her later," I would say absolutely not.

If you want to go on a bar crawl with your of age friends, then do that. But don't call it a bach party and exclude members of the BP who can't participate because of how old they are.

FutureMrsTR · November 2010

Will you PLEASE come back and let us know how this whole bach-party and 19 year old wedding turns out? With pictures, if possible.

Simply Fated · November 2010

Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"

How about, "I don't want to hurt you, but I will if I have to."

L-Bride · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-way-say-bring-stripper-will-injure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b37175dc-c6b1-476b-9b36-3e7895b364e9Post:6dbea726-5655-406a-ae7e-6c8865b4f0a8">Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh my gosh, OP. Just tell them no strippers, send him away if he comes because it is YOUR hotel room. The end. I don't know why you're still talking about this. I happen to not agree with posters who think that underage BP members should be left out of the festivities just because the bride wants to go do "adult" things. You can have fun without getting trashed. It's really possible, I promise. If you want to have only "adult" parties that required things that people under 18/21 can't do, then you shouldn't be asking underage people to be in your BP.<strong> I think it's really crappy to exclude someone because of how old they are. You might as well have not asked them to be in the BP in the first place.</strong>You all claim you would "understand" as an underage person, but I seriously doubt you would if you actually were in that situation. My MOH is going to be 16 and if anyone in the BP suggested something that she couldn't do and just said "We'll have a consolation party for her later," I would say absolutely not. If you want to go on a bar crawl with your of age friends, then do that. But don't call it a bach party and exclude members of the BP who can't participate because of how old they are.
Posted by Manwaithiel[/QUOTE]

I don't agree with this. My sister was 16 at the time of my bach party and she understood perfectly why she wouldn't be able to come out to our grown-up, bar hopping, strip club weekend in Boston. She actually would have felt like an ass if we based the bach party solely on her age. But that's just her- she's a very reasonable and understanding girl. Her and I had our own night going to dinner, getting our nails done and watching movies the weekend before.
She was cool with this...trust me.

FutureMrsTR · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-way-say-bring-stripper-will-injure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b37175dc-c6b1-476b-9b36-3e7895b364e9Post:b5c44d4e-4802-4c51-b714-f29c730fb1ac">Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"</a>:
[QUOTE]Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?" How about, "I don't want to hurt you, but I will if I have to."
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

Of course, you probably have just as much chance (if not more) of ending up in jail for assaulting a minor as for having a stripper in the room. So, OP, you might want to revise your post title :)

tidetravel · November 2010

ManW - I thought most posters were telling OP to change her plans to include everyone at an age-appropriate party (dinner, movies, spa, etc)

L-Bride · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-way-say-bring-stripper-will-injure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b37175dc-c6b1-476b-9b36-3e7895b364e9Post:8568baea-c629-4f24-b96b-2635faa2b4d4">Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh yes, I wouldn't waste my time on this one being polite; the idea is fraught with bad taste and potentially legal nightmares.
Posted by Alexmom2[/QUOTE]

Just because you think it's in "bad taste" doesn't make it true. I can understand why some people don't prefer those types of things but judgmental much? It's the same as someone saying "If there are no strippers at this bach party it's going to be boring and lame."

salt78 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-way-say-bring-stripper-will-injure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b37175dc-c6b1-476b-9b36-3e7895b364e9Post:159d81df-565f-4fb0-be1e-cc2f050100d0">Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?" : Nice. I'm glad that you're implying my sister would not be a reasonable and understanding girl. She is in fact a very reasonable person who might not mind either way, but I don't want her excluded from pre-wedding activities. If I want to go out bar-hopping, I'll do it with my friends who can drink and I won't be calling it a bach party. I think that's pretty reasonable as well.
Posted by Manwaithiel[/QUOTE]

<div>I feel like you didn't read like 98% of the responses in this thread. </div>

Manwaithiel · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-way-say-bring-stripper-will-injure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b37175dc-c6b1-476b-9b36-3e7895b364e9Post:abd7281a-3ccd-4e4e-8abf-603dd0a8cdd9">Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"</a>:
[QUOTE]ManW - I thought most posters were telling OP to change her plans to include everyone at an age-appropriate party (dinner, movies, spa, etc)
Posted by tidetravel[/QUOTE]

I know. There were a couple though who voiced that having a party where you just exclude the underage girl (the 17 year old) was an option because maybe the bride wanted to have an "adult party". I guess if you think that's okay, I just think it's kind of rude to ask someone to be in your BP, knowing their underage, and then insist on having a party you know they can't participate in.

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