Open letters

goheels05 · August 2010

Dear coworker,

You cannot fill our candy basket with Milk Duds, Kit Kats, and Take 5's the week of my period and expect me to not eat every single item in there before any clients can even get to them. Sorry in advance,

Heels

PS. I will probably blame it on the IRS agents who are working in our office today. Those guys were looking pretty menstrual.

laurenclaire1386 · August 2010

On the subject of the IRS:

Dear IRS,
Please don't rape and pillage my bank account. This is the first year I'm filing 1099 and the first year I'll actually owe taxes. Be gentle. Please.

Dear LC,
Find a CPA, STAT. You need to get your taxes done. Way to go for filing that extension, but October is creeping up and you need to get your shite together.

Dear Heels,
Wanna do my taxes?

scoetto · August 2010

Deer Heelsy,
I love Take 5's. Best candy ever.
Love,
Sco

MarriedInAFever · August 2010

Dear random FB friend,

Maybe a FB status isn't the best place to look for a used breast pump. Just saying.

Sincerely,
Class of 2005

goheels05 · August 2010

TAke 5's are theshit.

LC, I could definitely do your taxes. My sidework rate is a third of my standard rate and at least half what you would have to pay a local CPA. You know where to find me.

MeaghanandMichael · August 2010

Dear landlady,

You infuriate me. A few months ago you gave to gorgeous little dogs away to a shelter because you could not handle them and your two sons. Now those dogs are dead because it was not a no kill shelter (your mom told me). Imagine my shock when you come home with a pitbull yesterday. Isn't it just so fun to dump dogs and get new ones when it suits you? Fuuckingcunt.

And it was all I could do not to punch you in the face when you came over to tell us our pizza boxes were not bagged properly in the trash. There is so much I want to say to you.

I wish you slow death by rodents,
Meaghan

betrothed123 · August 2010

Dear boss,

I appreciate your line of thinking in keeping BOR around until after the audit. Really, I get that you're doing it because you think it's going to help me out to not have to pick up all his work on top of my own, and then deal with the auditors on top of all of that. However, it's less helpful to keep an idiot around who refuses to do his own work than it would be to have an empty office and no expectations of getting help.

Sincerely,
Your drowning employee

Lenore2010 · August 2010

MM, let me join you in wishing the dog killer slow death by rodents! WTF?!

scoetto · August 2010

Dear PMS,
You made me cry for no reason this morning. You made me eat cracker jacks, skittles and hello panda chocolate creme filled cookies for breakfast. And luch will consist of grilled cheese, macaroni & cheese and cheesecake. And now instead of 6 miles I'll have to walk at least 8 today. Because yesterday you made me so lazy I didn't exercise. Screw off.

Love,
Sco

Nebb · August 2010

Dear Universe,

Can you please cut me a break, for once. Please. Im not a bad person, I didnt kill mother theresa or the pope or anything. I dont deserve the amount of shiit you keep feeding me. I can promise you I wasnt hitler in another life. Just freaking lay off of me, ive had more bad things happen to me in the past 2 years than most people have in an entire decade. It stopped being funny like a year and a half ago.

Amicably,
Me

hd7694 · August 2010

Dear construction worker man:
I know that it is hot outside but, you agreed to take this job. We have open holes on our house that need to be fixed ASAP. You wouldn't go into a factory job whenever you felt like it and only work the hours that you wanted to or come and go as you please, would you? NO! Get you a$$ over here and work on my house. This sh!t is p!ssing my off!

K-Thanks, Holly

laurenclaire1386 · August 2010

Heels, YGPM.

MeaghanandMichael · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_open-letters?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:e80a3110-a495-4f1f-b469-fd163e26ddb4Post:52f2c30d-3ee8-48f2-9f4d-afd31f5d691b">Re: Open letters</a>:
[QUOTE]MM, let me join you in wishing the dog killer slow death by rodents! WTF?!
Posted by Lenore2010[/QUOTE]

YUP. and I forgot to put in my letter that the reason I mentioned the new dog was a pitbull was because she did not rescue it - it is a PUPPY from a breeder. Eff her.

MeaghanandMichael · August 2010

Dear Nebb,

I am rooting for you. Ever since summer 2008 the universe has hated me and Mike. The sun is breaking through the clouds finally and I just KNOW you deserve the same. Hugs and kisses and more patience (even though I am sure you want to kick patience in the crotch).

Your knottie admirer,
Meaghan

julezlee · August 2010

Dear Senor Kitty Paws,

I know you're just a kitten and all, but this is one of mommy's favorite dresses and it has a lot of sentimental value. So, can you think twice in the future before putting an effing hole in it.

And while we're at it, thanks so much for breaking mommy's jewelry tree as well,
Your kinda cranky Mom

Lenore2010 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_open-letters?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:e80a3110-a495-4f1f-b469-fd163e26ddb4Post:03ae81ad-06a2-4dd4-98c7-43121910cd00">Re: Open letters</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Open letters : YUP. and I forgot to put in my letter that the reason I mentioned the new dog was a pitbull was because she did not rescue it - it is a PUPPY from a breeder. Eff her.
Posted by MeaghanandMichael[/QUOTE]

and as if her irresponsible ass is going to be able to handle a pit bull. People suck.

missy68 · August 2010

Dear Coworker,

Please, please, PLEASE stop sharing your current family tragedy with everyone over the phone and in the office. I can't take it. I really can't. Not only can I not stand hearing it, I can't take the subject matter. I've heard it a dozen times. Having sympathy doesn't mean it isn't selfish.

Your irritated coworker who's now listening to her iPod,
Missy

julezlee · August 2010

Dear Universe,

Please cut Nebb a break. She's a good girl and deserves some it.

TIA,
Julez

MarriedInAFever · August 2010

M&M, that is TERRIBLE.

Sco, I effing love cheese trifectas.

526SadieSadie · August 2010

Dear Rhode Island Public Transit Authority,
You suck. In general.
Yesterday the bus driver was too busy on his cell phone to pay attention to the time and left five minutes late for no reason other than the clock he uses is on his phone and he couldn't use said clock while he was talking on the phone.
Then, when everyone was getting ready to get off the bus, he suddenly lurched forward and just as quickly slammed on the brakes causing two rather large women to slam into my back.
Then, as if all that wasn't enough, the driver just didn't show up last night. 20 minutes after he was supposed to arrive, the next bus in line came and I had to walk two miles to my regular stop. No explanation, no apology.
To add insult to injury, the driver left early this morning. He was supposed to leave the stop at 8:13. When I arrived at 8:14 he was no where to be seen. You know as well as I do that it takes longer than a minute for the bus to manouver out of that parking lot and I would have had time to catch it at the second stop.
You suck on a level that really frightens me sometimes.
Love,
Gianna

I wish I had a job that paid for parking.

goheels05 · August 2010

LC, ygpm back!

M&M that makes my heart hurt.

Scoetto, I guess periods can sync up via the interwebs too.

Nebb · August 2010

Dear "best friend",

I realize now you do not care about me what so ever. In the past month quite a few "major" things have happened in my life and i have been quite public about them - you have not said one word to me. I want to tell you what a nasty and horribly selfish person you are, but I wont, because i wont stoop to your level of saying whatever you want because youre entitled to your opinion. I cant express how much it hurts me that youve written me and our 22 year friendship off, but I will never give you the satisfaction of knowing it or anything else that goes on in my life. I want to kick you in the vag.

best wishes,
your old BF.

kd.joseph · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_open-letters?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:e80a3110-a495-4f1f-b469-fd163e26ddb4Post:7424f7e0-17a8-4087-bf5b-0a0b965ea6d3">Re: Open letters</a>:
[QUOTE]Dear landlady, You infuriate me. A few months ago you gave to gorgeous little dogs away to a shelter because you could not handle them and your two sons. Now those dogs are dead because it was not a no kill shelter (your mom told me). Imagine my shock when you come home with a pitbull yesterday. Isn't it just so fun to dump dogs and get new ones when it suits you? Fuuckingcunt. And it was all I could do not to punch you in the face when you came over to tell us our pizza boxes were not bagged properly in the trash. There is so much I want to say to you. I wish you slow death by rodents, Meaghan
Posted by MeaghanandMichael[/QUOTE]

My jaw is laying on my desk right now. REALLY! I cannot believe this, wtf is wrong with people. So what happens when this one becomes an inconvenience?

You punch her we'll raise money to bail you out promise!

kd.joseph · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_open-letters?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:e80a3110-a495-4f1f-b469-fd163e26ddb4Post:291b6142-b131-4d7d-aee5-85c26ce0823c">Re: Open letters</a>:
[QUOTE]Dear Universe, Please cut Nebb a break. She's a good girl and deserves some it. TIA, Julez
Posted by julezlee[/QUOTE]

Please add my name to this.

Nebb- I just know when all this is over you'll come out on top. Sending good vibes your way, you have been on my mind a lot.

LesPaul · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_open-letters?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:e80a3110-a495-4f1f-b469-fd163e26ddb4Post:aa6e3ea6-c3f5-4176-863b-eabdffad2619">Re: Open letters</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Open letters : Please add my name to this. Nebb- I just know when all this is over you'll come out on top. Sending good vibes your way, you have been on my mind a lot.
Posted by kd.joseph[/QUOTE]

Cosigned, Les

MeaghanandMichael · August 2010

Dear Coworkers,

Your boss is on his honeymoon. Do you really think this means it is ok for 3 of you to call in sick? Has it crossed your mind we actually need you more when he is gone? I don't appreciate picking up your slack, even though I am willing to cover for your boss. I am mad at you.

We will talk when your boss gets home,
Meaghan

scoetto · August 2010

I'm on the give-Nebb-a-break train, too.

And yes, cheese trifectas are pretty darn amazing!

Heels, it was all in due time.

MeaghanandMichael · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_open-letters?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:e80a3110-a495-4f1f-b469-fd163e26ddb4Post:a20709a9-00a7-4219-b23f-0559a4f7ddbd">Re: Open letters</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Open letters : My jaw is laying on my desk right now. REALLY! I cannot believe this, wtf is wrong with people. So what happens when this one becomes an inconvenience? You punch her we'll raise money to bail you out promise!
Posted by kd.joseph[/QUOTE]

You might want to set up a paypal account now, just in case ;)

betrothed123 · August 2010

Dear neighbor,

It's 90 degrees and humid outside. Leaving your trash bag in the hallways is never nice to your neighbors, because it always reeks. The heat and humidity and not helping this situation. When I walked into the complex last night the air was thick with rotting garbage. This is unacceptable. Remove your trash bags form our hallway by the time I get home tonight or you may need some sort of operation to remove my foot from your ass.

Sincerely,
The neighbor that is about to become your worst nightmare

scoetto · August 2010

Dear Julez,
Your wedding video just made me cry. I've seen part of it before, when you first posted it. Today I watched the entire thing, and I had to wipe tears off my keyboard. Beautiful. Your husband is a lucky man. The love you two exude is phenomenal.

Love,
Sco

kd.joseph · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_open-letters?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:e80a3110-a495-4f1f-b469-fd163e26ddb4Post:db4870e0-442d-4e90-8c1e-50e10f378eaa">Re: Open letters</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm on the give-Nebb-a-break train, too. And yes, cheese trifectas are pretty darn amazing! Heels, it was all in due time. :)
Posted by scoetto[/QUOTE]

Dear Sco-
We havent technically synced up yet, but I'm willing to jump on the cheese bandwagon. We are having a cheese platter this weekend.

Love,
fellow cheese lover

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