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Not Engaged Yet
becunning2
member
The boyfriend makes me all aflutter... and nuts. LONG. Rambly. Nuts.
So as many of you may recall, the BF refuses to provide ANY details on when/if we'll get married and what he thinks about that. It makes me slightly (okay, really) crazy because I don't have the security of knowing that we're on the same path; that's really all I want, and I'd be happy with that until whenever.
BUT, in the last week, he's:
* made several comments about "when we have kids..." while talking about finances
* made a spread sheet (no joke) with graphs and charts about my potential earned income at a job I'd like to get while talking about extra money spent on tuition,vs.income, vs. earned income, vs. CHILDREN. (It may sound really weird, but it was totally adorable, and we talk about money a lot).
* made some comment about how I probably wouldn't like to get engaged what with my huge crazy student teaching semester coming up. (I responded it'd be a relief to actually know what he was thinking--it'd make me MORE, not less productive)
....
AND:
I just sat down next to him on the couch and he was fiddling around on his laptop. I said, hey, whatcha up to, and looked over at his computer. Normally, this is NOT a big deal at all. We do this all the time. He moves his computer away, but not before I glance at his page and it had diamonds in the address.
You know, like shiny sparkly diamonds...
So please tell me to get my head out of my butt, that he's going to buy me another pair of diamond earrings that come in a ring-sized box like last year (that should be illegal, btw), that he's not ever going to propose, and that I'll get a horse because I want one. Preferably a Percheron. Because if I'm not getting something sparkly, I better get an awesome huge draft horse instead.
I'd be much less crazy if I just knew we were on the same page about our relationship status...
And now, for good measure, a picture of the engagement pony I would like:
BUT, in the last week, he's:
* made several comments about "when we have kids..." while talking about finances
* made a spread sheet (no joke) with graphs and charts about my potential earned income at a job I'd like to get while talking about extra money spent on tuition,vs.income, vs. earned income, vs. CHILDREN. (It may sound really weird, but it was totally adorable, and we talk about money a lot).
* made some comment about how I probably wouldn't like to get engaged what with my huge crazy student teaching semester coming up. (I responded it'd be a relief to actually know what he was thinking--it'd make me MORE, not less productive)
....
AND:
I just sat down next to him on the couch and he was fiddling around on his laptop. I said, hey, whatcha up to, and looked over at his computer. Normally, this is NOT a big deal at all. We do this all the time. He moves his computer away, but not before I glance at his page and it had diamonds in the address.
You know, like shiny sparkly diamonds...
So please tell me to get my head out of my butt, that he's going to buy me another pair of diamond earrings that come in a ring-sized box like last year (that should be illegal, btw), that he's not ever going to propose, and that I'll get a horse because I want one. Preferably a Percheron. Because if I'm not getting something sparkly, I better get an awesome huge draft horse instead.
I'd be much less crazy if I just knew we were on the same page about our relationship status...
And now, for good measure, a picture of the engagement pony I would like:
This discussion has been closed.
Re: The boyfriend makes me all aflutter... and nuts. LONG. Rambly. Nuts.
Try to keep a level head it could be any number of things! He still has to build a stable for the engagement pony - You would probably notice that by the way
[QUOTE]He doesn't want to talk about it because he believes I should be 100% surprised. It makes me grumpy that we're philosophically different about this because I think it should be a mutual decision and not catch me offguard. I don't really like surprises. Besides, we live together and have been together nearly three years... it can't be *that* much of a surprise. He's also never lived with a gal before and is 31, so hypothetically he's pretty serious about me.
Posted by becunning2[/QUOTE]
<div>Hmm, well maybe you could tell him that he can keep this a surprise and when you decide that you're ready for babies, that'll be a surprise for him! </div><div>ETA: He finds out when you present a stick with a little happy face on it.</div><div>
</div><div>I wouldn't really do that, but he could at least give you something to work with. </div><div>
</div>
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: The boyfriend makes me all aflutter... and nuts. LONG. Rambly. Nuts. : Hmm, well maybe you could tell him that he can keep this a surprise and when you decide that you're ready for babies, that'll be a surprise for him! I wouldn't really do that, but he could at least give you something to work with.
Posted by elannis[/QUOTE]
Hehehe! I wish. But I'd never do that to him. :P
Have you ever told him how frustrated this makes you?
[QUOTE]I think it would be good for you to know whether or not you're at least on the same page. It seems like you are since you're talking about kids but it would drive me INSANE to want to marry someone and not have them say *anything* about it. Have you ever told him how frustrated this makes you?
Posted by kellyt89[/QUOTE]
Yes x 1,000,000. The BF is an expert bean-dipper.
How long have you two been together? I feel like you've said here before but I forget.
I do have to say that I think it's unhealthy that he won't discuss IF you are going to get married. Why won't he talk about it?
becunning I feel for you! My BF doesn't really like to talk about it either and is also great at changing the subject. I do know he wants to marry me but I have no freakin clue WHEN. He thinks it should be this huge surprise. It makes me feel like our relationship is weird sometimes because I feel like a lot of the other girls here have timelines and I don't.
BTW that horse would look AMAZING in a sparkly saddle. It does sound like he's up to something. I totally agree with you on the ring sized box being illegal. A few months ago BF was obsessed with this online penny auction site. He ended up getting me pearl earrings for a penny and told me. So when they arrived (in a ring sized black box) he got down on his knee as a joke. If he hadn't told me about the earrings I would have had a goddamn heart attack!
It bothers me, a lot. He's a funny, smart, caring guy... but he just doesn't seem to understand how unfair I find this no matter how I try to explain it. And then I just get frustrated that he bean-dips me when I deserve a genuine answer about where our relationship is going.
And then he goes off and makes those comments and I catch diamonds in a title, and if I KNEW where we were going, I'd be like, squee, okay, cool, moving along instead of "GAH! What could this MEAN?" *sigh*
Yesterday, he took my hand oh-so-lovingly and kissed me on the cheek and said he really wanted me to finish up with finals so we could spend quality time together. And he's been super huggy/kissy/cuddly lately.
[QUOTE]becunning I feel for you! My BF doesn't really like to talk about it either and is also great at changing the subject. I do know he wants to marry me but I have no freakin clue WHEN. He thinks it should be this huge surprise. It makes me feel like our relationship is weird sometimes because I feel like a lot of the other girls here have timelines and I don't. BTW that horse would look AMAZING in a sparkly saddle. It does sound like he's up to something. I totally agree with you on the ring sized box being illegal. A few months ago BF was obsessed with this online penny auction site. He ended up getting me pearl earrings for a penny and told me. <strong>So when they arrived (in a ring sized black box) he got down on his knee as a joke. If he hadn't told me about the earrings I would have had a goddamn heart attack!</strong>
Posted by leese19[/QUOTE]
<div>
</div><div>Leese, I would've killed him if he hadn't said something previously!! What a butt!!</div><div>
</div><div>Becunning, Yeaaaaaah, he's totally looking at buying a diamond encrusted toilet seat :-P Random. I know, but it was the most off the wall thing I could think of lol</div>
OOOH, I forgot to mention, when we were talking about school, we were talking about me being Dr. My Last Name, which is pretty much Bad Arse for those of you who know it. Then he responded with: Dr. His Last Name. His eyes twinkled. There was a long, long, long pause before he says, "You know... like my grandpa!"
@Irish: Yay for diamond studded toilet seats! I think that'd be really, really uncomfortable.
[QUOTE]Again, he thinks I should be 100% surprised and that since he lives with me, he's serious about where the relationship is going. It bothers me, a lot. He's a funny, smart, caring guy... <strong>but he just doesn't seem to understand how unfair I find this no matter how I try to explain it.</strong> And then I just get frustrated that he bean-dips me when I deserve a genuine answer about where our relationship is going. And then he goes off and makes those comments and I catch diamonds in a title, and if I KNEW where we were going, I'd be like, squee, okay, cool, moving along instead of "GAH! What could this MEAN?" *sigh* Yesterday, he took my hand oh-so-lovingly and kissed me on the cheek and said he really wanted me to finish up with finals so we could spend quality time together. And he's been super huggy/kissy/cuddly lately.
Posted by becunning2[/QUOTE]
To the bolded part, I agree, it's not fair. It seems that a lot of guys feel they can rightfully have that upper hand with engagements. I have talked to a few friends about this before actually.
To the rest, it reminds me a lot of FI. He would constantly make comments like that and drive me BSC. Guys can be cruel without knowing it lol.
[QUOTE]@ Leese: My BF left the box out, I think, so I would peek in it. (He knows me too well). So I knew what it was before he gave it to me, but I about fell over when I walked in the closet and saw it sitting on his dresser. I'd have wanted to smack him even if I knew they were pearl earrings. <strong>OOOH, I forgot to mention, when we were talking about school, we were talking about me being Dr. My Last Name, which is pretty much Bad Arse for those of you who know it. Then he responded with: Dr. His Last Name. </strong>His eyes twinkled. There was a long, long, long pause before he says, "You know... like my grandpa!" @Irish: Yay for diamond studded toilet seats! I think that'd be really, really uncomfortable.
Posted by becunning2[/QUOTE]
<div>
</div><div>Haha, you would have a pretty sweet name that way. I think Dr. Your Last Name is way cooler than Dr. His Last Name, lol. Are you going to take his last name, when you get to that point? I've heard a lot of times when people are Dr's, they keep their maiden name because that's what all of their other degrees are in. </div>
[QUOTE]@Yaga & Leese: Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone. It's so frustrating, and it is kind of an upper hand/power thing. Why does the guy get all the "power" in this kind of setting? I call B.S. *stomps foot*
Posted by becunning2[/QUOTE]
Agreed. I basically had to set FI straight and explain that I was not that type of person to just sit back and let him make big decisions for our life alone. In the end he came to me when he was ready to purchase the ring and asked for my help. Glad I got through to him, lol.
Married! May 27th, 2012
Okay serious face: While I think that it is cute that he wants to surprise you when the time comes, I think that it is a bit silly to act like he can't talk about it, especially when he is dropping hints left and right about kids and such. That is so contradicting!
Also, am I the only one who thinks that it is totally adorable for a guy to go and pick or design a ring all by himself? Okay with maybe a little guidance (color of metal, certain shapes of stones you want or do not want) is good, that is what BF had. I got 2 different rings (I was married before and BF and I were engaged for a bit), I didn't have any say in. They were both great rings, the setting was a little high on the first, but otherwise it was a very nice ring that he had custom designed and got lots of compliments. When BF and I discussed he was set on wanting to get me something as a sign of his love, I was totally okay with that as long as it was not a lot like the one I had before (which he had seen, he was with me when I picked it up from having it checked and cleaned before selling it). We talked a lot about alternative stones, but he was not a fan and I was okay with whatever he wanted to get. He did awesome...I really miss having it, especially with all the marriage talks we've been having lately.
Married! May 27th, 2012
I don't like the idea of BF picking something out. I have to wear it, for a really long time. I'd like some say in such a large purchase. What if I don't like it? I'm picky about jewelry.
Nice horse though. I almost hope you get that instead of the ring.