Controversy Over Date Rape at AU

MyNameIsNot · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_controversy-over-date-rape-au?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a29dea24-6d71-49be-8ae2-6870a82edc9dPost:9c08d1a2-b412-4095-affe-7d88e2e6986b">Re: Controversy Over Date Rape at AU</a>:
[QUOTE]To clarify, what I quoted was a guy's opinion on date rape. I don't believe he was referring to a single incident, but rather trying to point out that not all accusations of date rape are on the up and up... Obviously, I believe that forceful rape is rape regardless of whether alcohol is involved. B<strong>ut if two wasted people have drunk sex at a frat party, it's not fair for the girl to cry date rape the next morning because she now regrets it.</strong>
Posted by ExpatPumpkin[/QUOTE]

<div>But that's not what date rape actually is. That's a false allegation. </div>

polichik · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_controversy-over-date-rape-au?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a29dea24-6d71-49be-8ae2-6870a82edc9dPost:80bc26d4-c500-4ae7-a699-c982dbd99c1a">Re: Controversy Over Date Rape at AU</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Controversy Over Date Rape at AU : Oh I wouldn't say they "asked for it" but I think it should be thought about as a consequence. Like you said "if I drink too much, I might throw up, have a hangover...etc. " I think rape should be added to that. Always expect the unexpected.
Posted by shellydiane820[/QUOTE]

Shelly, I feel like that's like saying "If you go on a date with a guy you've known for less than a decade, you should expect him to hurt you, cheat on you, or rape you." To some people, having a guy you've been dating for a few months pick you up for a date is dangerous, since it's somebody you don't know well. Expecting the unexpected shouldn't be necessary. I feel like expecting rape as a consequence of drinking is disturbing and places the blame on the victim of rape. I think I should be able to expect my fellow human being to behave as decent people, not as rapists.

ExpatPumpkin · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_controversy-over-date-rape-au?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a29dea24-6d71-49be-8ae2-6870a82edc9dPost:3db239ff-d535-4864-9558-d8da70145524">Re: Controversy Over Date Rape at AU</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Controversy Over Date Rape at AU : But that's not what date rape actually is. That's a false allegation.
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

That's the point. That not all allegations of date rape are actually date rape. That some cases are false accusations.

btrflykate1230 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_controversy-over-date-rape-au?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a29dea24-6d71-49be-8ae2-6870a82edc9dPost:0644c3b4-e9f8-4795-a7f8-5504ffb9058d">Re: Controversy Over Date Rape at AU</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Controversy Over Date Rape at AU : Shelly, I feel like that's like saying "If you go on a date with a guy you've known for less than a decade, you should expect him to hurt you, cheat on you, or rape you." To some people, having a guy you've been dating for a few months pick you up for a date is dangerous, since it's somebody you don't know well. Expecting the unexpected shouldn't be necessary.<strong> I feel like expecting rape as a consequence of drinking is disturbing and places the blame on the victim of rape. I think I should be able to expect my fellow human being to behave as decent people, not as rapists.
</strong>Posted by polichik[/QUOTE]

THIS. Thank you for saying this so eloquently.

shellydiane820 · April 2010

No. I'm not saying if you get mugged you deserve it.

My point is (from reading this article) is use common sense.

This guy talks about a frat house:

"The EI frat on campus is notorious for its hardcore parties and which do end up with manipulating and drugging," he said.

What I'm saying is, why would you go somewhere that is known for these hardcore parties?

I'm saying, don't put yourself in these situations. I'm not saying you're asking for it or you deserve it. No one does. I'm saying use your noggin.

shellydiane820 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_controversy-over-date-rape-au?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a29dea24-6d71-49be-8ae2-6870a82edc9dPost:0644c3b4-e9f8-4795-a7f8-5504ffb9058d">Re: Controversy Over Date Rape at AU</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Controversy Over Date Rape at AU : Shelly, I feel like that's like saying "If you go on a date with a guy you've known for less than a decade, you should expect him to hurt you, cheat on you, or rape you." To some people, having a guy you've been dating for a few months pick you up for a date is dangerous, since it's somebody you don't know well. <strong> Expecting the unexpected shouldn't be necessary. I feel like expecting rape as a consequence of drinking is disturbing and places the blame on the victim of rape. I think I should be able to expect my fellow human being to behave as decent people, not as rapists.</strong>
Posted by polichik[/QUOTE]

See, and I feel like it should be necessary. With all of the stories out there of rape, and assault, why would you not be on guard.

I'm not saying don't trust anyone, I think you should just be cautious.

btrflykate1230 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_controversy-over-date-rape-au?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a29dea24-6d71-49be-8ae2-6870a82edc9dPost:648eb7cf-cbfd-4933-b7de-a128cddaef89">Re: Controversy Over Date Rape at AU</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Controversy Over Date Rape at AU : See, and I feel like it should be necessary. With all of the stories out there of rape, and assault, why would you not be on guard. I'm not saying don't trust anyone, I think you should just be cautious.
Posted by shellydiane820[/QUOTE]

But, what I'm saying is, no one deserves to be raped, regardless of the type of situations they put themselves in. There's no reason for that. I get the whole being cautious thing, but what I feel like some people are alluding to is "she deserved it because she got drunk and went to a frat party".

jajph1974 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_controversy-over-date-rape-au?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a29dea24-6d71-49be-8ae2-6870a82edc9dPost:e927918f-534e-4c78-befe-d580fc3a05fa">Re: Controversy Over Date Rape at AU</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Controversy Over Date Rape at AU : <strong> But his being drunk is not an excuse for his behavior. If she says no, and he takes advantage, it's his bad.</strong> It would be the same if he said no and she took advantage. She'd be raping him. (Although there are physical challenges here.)
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

Just playing Devil's advocate here - If being drunk isn't an excuse for the guy's behavior, then it shouldn't be an excuse for a girl's behavior either.

I didn't read the article, however I do think people need to take responsibility for themselves and their actions. A resposible person, male or female, wouldn't put themselves in that position and I don't accept alcohol as an excuse for anything ever. People make a choice to drink too much.

As far as rape goes (again, I didn't read the article), if two people are getting intimate and the woman says "no" at any time, but the man continues ... then yes, that's rape.

However, if a woman has the morning after regret (like, oh shiit I can't believe I did that) and then decides to cry rape, frankly that just pisses me off because she's making it more difficult for actual victims to be taken seriously.

MyNameIsNot · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_controversy-over-date-rape-au?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a29dea24-6d71-49be-8ae2-6870a82edc9dPost:ea1a65ce-7ad8-4b66-ad94-56f5047c404e">Re: Controversy Over Date Rape at AU</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Controversy Over Date Rape at AU : That's the point. That not all allegations of date rape are actually date rape. That some cases are false accusations.
Posted by ExpatPumpkin[/QUOTE]

<div>That's not what I get, but if that's where he's going, there are much more effective ways of saying it. </div>

cac847 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_controversy-over-date-rape-au?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a29dea24-6d71-49be-8ae2-6870a82edc9dPost:648eb7cf-cbfd-4933-b7de-a128cddaef89">Re: Controversy Over Date Rape at AU</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Controversy Over Date Rape at AU : See, and I feel like it should be necessary. With all of the stories out there of rape, and assault, why would you not be on guard. I'm not saying don't trust anyone, I think you should just be cautious.
Posted by shellydiane820[/QUOTE]

I agree completely. This girl chose to go to that particular party, chose to drink as much as she did, and chose to enter a room alone with the guy. If she hadn't done any of this, she wouldn't have been in the situation leading to that particular rape. I'm not saying that what the guy did wasn't horrible (if it was in fact date rape), but even if you're drunk you are still responsible for your actions. I had a friend who purposely got hammered so she would ask her ex to take her home. I begged her to let my FI and I drive her home. She refused and and asked the ex. He brought her inside, got completely naked, and then the next day said he raped her because she was too drunk to consent. It's this type of thing that led to the comment the author at the university made.

ETA: I wasn't clear the way I wrote it... she was the one who got naked, which she admitted.

shellydiane820 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_controversy-over-date-rape-au?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a29dea24-6d71-49be-8ae2-6870a82edc9dPost:ff31886c-0dce-46a4-aacd-d1ea82cb6835">Re: Controversy Over Date Rape at AU</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Controversy Over Date Rape at AU : But, what I'm saying is, no one deserves to be raped, regardless of the type of situations they put themselves in. There's no reason for that. I get the whole being cautious thing, but what I feel like some people are alluding to is "she deserved it because she got drunk and went to a frat party".
Posted by btrflykate1230[/QUOTE]

And I get what you're saying. I don't think anyone deserves it either. That's not the point I'm trying to make, and if that's what you're getting from what I'm saying, I apologize.

ExpatPumpkin · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_controversy-over-date-rape-au?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a29dea24-6d71-49be-8ae2-6870a82edc9dPost:03d1b236-f144-406f-bd68-16926a94aee3">Re: Controversy Over Date Rape at AU</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Controversy Over Date Rape at AU : Just playing Devil's advocate here - <strong>If being drunk isn't an excuse for the guy's behavior, then it shouldn't be an excuse for a girl's behavior either.</strong> I didn't read the article, however I do think people need to take responsibility for themselves and their actions. A resposible person, male or female, wouldn't put themselves in that position and I don't accept alcohol as an excuse for anything ever. People make a choice to drink too much. As far as rape goes (again, I didn't read the article), if two people are getting intimate and the woman says "no" at any time, but the man continues ... then yes, that's rape. <strong>However, if a woman has the morning after regret (like, oh shiit I can't believe I did that) and then decides to cry rape, frankly that just pisses me off because she's making it more difficult for actual victims to be taken seriously.
</strong>Posted by jajph1974[/QUOTE]

Exactly.

MyNameIsNot · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_controversy-over-date-rape-au?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a29dea24-6d71-49be-8ae2-6870a82edc9dPost:03d1b236-f144-406f-bd68-16926a94aee3">Re: Controversy Over Date Rape at AU</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Controversy Over Date Rape at AU : Just playing Devil's advocate here - If being drunk isn't an excuse for the guy's behavior, then it shouldn't be an excuse for a girl's behavior either. I didn't read the article, however I do think people need to take responsibility for themselves and their actions. A resposible person, male or female, wouldn't put themselves in that position and I don't accept alcohol as an excuse for anything ever. People make a choice to drink too much. As far as rape goes (again, I didn't read the article), if two people are getting intimate and the woman says "no" at any time, but the man continues ... then yes, that's rape. However, if a woman has the morning after regret (like, oh shiit I can't believe I did that) and then decides to cry rape, frankly that just pisses me off because she's making it more difficult for actual victims to be taken seriously.
Posted by jajph1974[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>That's exactly what date rape is. And if he's too drunk to understand that she's saying no and stop what he's doing, then he has committed a crime. It doesn't matter how drunk she is. No means no. </div><div>
</div><div>I think I'm too tired to say what I'm trying to say. </div><div>
</div>

btrflykate1230 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_controversy-over-date-rape-au?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a29dea24-6d71-49be-8ae2-6870a82edc9dPost:d5f74d05-1a8f-49e1-984f-3b29a36c2ece">Re: Controversy Over Date Rape at AU</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Controversy Over Date Rape at AU : And I get what you're saying. I don't think anyone deserves it either. That's not the point I'm trying to make, and if that's what you're getting from what I'm saying, I apologize.
Posted by shellydiane820[/QUOTE]

Oh okay, good. Thanks for clarifying! I'm sorry if you felt like I was bullying you. I get what you're saying too (just be careful, and try to avoid any kind of situation that you can to avoid rape) but I just don't think that's always possible. When I first went to college, I had no idea how much I could drink before I would get drunk. It took me a few months before I knew what a "good level" of buzzed was. I feel like sometimes women who are vulnerable like that get preyed on, and that's really no fault of their own.

shellydiane820 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_controversy-over-date-rape-au?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a29dea24-6d71-49be-8ae2-6870a82edc9dPost:03d1b236-f144-406f-bd68-16926a94aee3">Re: Controversy Over Date Rape at AU</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Controversy Over Date Rape at AU : Just playing Devil's advocate here - If being drunk isn't an excuse for the guy's behavior, then it shouldn't be an excuse for a girl's behavior either. I didn't read the article, however I do think people need to take responsibility for themselves and their actions. A resposible person, male or female, wouldn't put themselves in that position and I don't accept alcohol as an excuse for anything ever. People make a choice to drink too much. As far as rape goes (again, I didn't read the article), if two people are getting intimate and the woman says "no" at any time, but the man continues ... then yes, that's rape.<strong> However, if a woman has the morning after regret (like, oh shiit I can't believe I did that) and then decides to cry rape, frankly that just pisses me off because she's making it more difficult for actual victims to be taken seriously.</strong>
Posted by jajph1974[/QUOTE]

this.

shellydiane820 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_controversy-over-date-rape-au?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a29dea24-6d71-49be-8ae2-6870a82edc9dPost:ba8d02f5-8df7-49d0-a058-52e4671b7f1f">Re: Controversy Over Date Rape at AU</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Controversy Over Date Rape at AU : Oh okay, good. Thanks for clarifying! I'm sorry if you felt like I was bullying you. I get what you're saying too (just be careful, and try to avoid any kind of situation that you can to avoid rape) but I just don't think that's always possible. When I first went to college, I had no idea how much I could drink before I would get drunk. It took me a few months before I knew what a "good level" of buzzed was. I feel like sometimes women who are vulnerable like that get preyed on, and that's really no fault of their own.
Posted by btrflykate1230[/QUOTE]

oh no! I'm all about free speech girlfriend! Let's go burn some bras!

And I agree, its not 100% avoidable. However, I do think that going to a frat house in your campus that's famous for date rape is incredibly stupid.

btrflykate1230 · April 2010

However, if a woman has the morning after regret (like, oh shiit I can't believe I did that) and then decides to cry rape, frankly that just pisses me off because she's making it more difficult for actual victims to be taken seriously.

I agree with this as well.

ExpatPumpkin · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_controversy-over-date-rape-au?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a29dea24-6d71-49be-8ae2-6870a82edc9dPost:ffc0eee4-e819-451f-ad17-283838f17bf7">Re: Controversy Over Date Rape at AU</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Controversy Over Date Rape at AU : That's exactly what date rape is. And if he's too drunk to understand that she's saying no and stop what he's doing, then he has committed a crime. It doesn't matter how drunk she is. No means no. I think I'm too tired to say what I'm trying to say.
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

If you had a college-aged son, are you sure you'd still feel this way?

It actually seems demeaning to women: If you (the girl) get drunk, it is not your fault because you can't possibly be expected to make a responsible decision. But if you (the boy) get drunk you should still be able to accurately interpret all of her signals and know when she's just doing it because she's too drunk to know better.

Obviously, this doesn't apply if the guy is pretty much sober and is just preying on drunk girls at a party. But if they are both wasted and both seem to want to have sex, why does he have to assume all responsibility?

btrflykate1230 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_controversy-over-date-rape-au?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a29dea24-6d71-49be-8ae2-6870a82edc9dPost:a33b38a7-7b40-4c53-9160-c34c08ae2564">Re: Controversy Over Date Rape at AU</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Controversy Over Date Rape at AU : oh no! I'm all about free speech girlfriend! Let's go burn some bras! And I agree, its not 100% avoidable. However,<strong> I do think that going to a frat house in your campus that's famous for date rape is incredibly stupid.</strong>
Posted by shellydiane820[/QUOTE]

I agree. I do think it's REALLY dumb.

And I'm all about the bra burning, LOL!

ExpatPumpkin · April 2010

I have no idea why my posts are centering. Sorry

smokeybailey · April 2010

I should feel safe anywhere. If I pass out drunk at a bar, on the street, at a frat house, and someone rapes me, THAT IS A CRIME. Blame me all you want but RAPING ME IS A CRIME. Maybe instead of saying that I shouldn't go over to a friend's frat house because there have been instances of drugging, someone should say DRUGGING WOMEN IS A CRIME.

MyNameIsNot · April 2010

But if the issue is with women making false accusations, that's what person should be commenting on. He's attacking all women who claim date rape. How about educating both guys and girls about what date rape is, and educating them about how false accusations takes away resources for women that actually are raped, and put consequences in place for obviously false allegations.

Like, for example, I have a huge issue with people falsely claiming domestic violence. Rather than attack all domestic violence victims, I bitch about the false complaints, and how they take away resources and make it more difficult to actually get convictions/restraining orders in the case where there actually is domestic violence. And then I advocate for training cops and everybody about recognizing all the signs of domestic violence, outside of just an allegation and a drunk couple arguing when the cop shows up at 3 am.

btrflykate1230 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_controversy-over-date-rape-au?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a29dea24-6d71-49be-8ae2-6870a82edc9dPost:9aa6fd39-de1c-407b-add8-7681fb6acdc5">Re: Controversy Over Date Rape at AU</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Controversy Over Date Rape at AU : If you had a college-aged son, are you sure you'd still feel this way? It actually seems demeaning to women: If you (the girl) get drunk, it is not your fault because you can't possibly be expected to make a responsible decision. But if you (the boy) get drunk you should still be able to accurately interpret all of her signals and know when she's just doing it because she's too drunk to know better. Obviously, this doesn't apply if the guy is pretty much sober and is just preying on drunk girls at a party. <strong> But if they are both wasted and both seem to want to have sex, why does he have to assume all responsibility?
Posted by ExpatPumpkin[/QUOTE]</strong>

If they both wanted it, then it's not rape. If she said no, and he misintrepreted her signals because he was drunk, then he shouldn't have sex when he's drunk. You make poor judgments when you're drunk. It's why we don't allow people to drink and drive.

ExpatPumpkin · April 2010

MyNameIsNot - I see what you mean about creating forums for constructive discussion of the subject... But I think this particular guy's slant is the shock value of his opinion. At least it got people talking, though

MyNameIsNot · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_controversy-over-date-rape-au?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a29dea24-6d71-49be-8ae2-6870a82edc9dPost:9aa6fd39-de1c-407b-add8-7681fb6acdc5">Re: Controversy Over Date Rape at AU</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Controversy Over Date Rape at AU : If you had a college-aged son, are you sure you'd still feel this way? It actually seems demeaning to women: If you (the girl) get drunk, it is not your fault because you can't possibly be expected to make a responsible decision. But if you (the boy) get drunk you should still be able to accurately interpret all of her signals and know when she's just doing it because she's too drunk to know better. Obviously, this doesn't apply if the guy is pretty much sober and is just preying on drunk girls at a party. But if they are both wasted and both seem to want to have sex, why does he have to assume all responsibility?
Posted by ExpatPumpkin[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>But that's what I"m saying. We are assuming the guy is the aggressor, because that's typical, but if they are drunk and the man says no, and she coerces him anyway, and he then cries rape in the morning, she's culpable. She's responsible for her actions regardless of how drunk she was. She can't say she was too drunk to get that he said no. </div><div>
</div><div>More often than not, if the woman is the one pushing, he's either going to physically overpower her, or he's going to decide not to come forward. But in a perfect world, it goes both ways.
<div>
</div></div>

katiewhompus · April 2010

This was a huge issue at my college. A guy managed to rape (and not date rape, actually break into the house and rape) 14 women and almost get away with it because they had been drinking and, according to the cops, were crying "date rape' after the fact. All of these women ( a few of which I had class with) had been at a bar with friends, then come home, locked their door, and went to bed. They were woken up after the guy broke in and were raped. But again, since they had been drinking they just "didn't remember leading him on". Finally he was convicted when he tried to rape someone who was sober enough to fight back, and sober enough that the cops believed her story.

It does make me upset when people use the date rape cry verses just feeling like a slut. It's one thing if you are telling him no, or if you are so wasted you can't say no. It's another thing entirely if you are saying yes the entire time, then wake up and go "oh shitt" and then cry rape. And unfortunately I don't think there's a way to prove either one so guys who are hearing (rightfully) yes yes yes the entire time are then accused of rape.

ExpatPumpkin · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_controversy-over-date-rape-au?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a29dea24-6d71-49be-8ae2-6870a82edc9dPost:f55efb8c-8512-4cd8-8d9f-08d72b755cd9">Re: Controversy Over Date Rape at AU</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Controversy Over Date Rape at AU : If they both wanted it, then it's not rape. If she said no, and he misintrepreted her signals because he was drunk, then he shouldn't have sex when he's drunk. You make poor judgments when you're drunk. It's why we don't allow people to drink and drive.
Posted by btrflykate1230[/QUOTE]

What if <em>she misintrepreted the effect of the signals that she was sending</em> because she was drunk? And then wakes up and says that was date rape, because she never would have done it sober...

Why doesn't the "you make poor judgements when you're drunk" apply to women as well?

btrflykate1230 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_controversy-over-date-rape-au?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a29dea24-6d71-49be-8ae2-6870a82edc9dPost:f083053b-e4f3-4740-b606-2d1e1c98dce2">Re: Controversy Over Date Rape at AU</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Controversy Over Date Rape at AU :<strong> What if she misintrepreted the effect of the signals that she was sending because she was drunk?</strong> And then wakes up and says that was date rape, because she never would have done it sober... Why doesn't the "you make poor judgements when you're drunk" apply to women as well?
Posted by ExpatPumpkin[/QUOTE]

What kind of signals would those be? Like, if she was drunk, got naked, and then said no? Does she deserve it because she got naked?

shellydiane820 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_controversy-over-date-rape-au?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a29dea24-6d71-49be-8ae2-6870a82edc9dPost:6eb33df3-43f5-4035-b404-bcf284dbba71">Re: Controversy Over Date Rape at AU</a>:
[QUOTE]This was a huge issue at my college. A guy managed to rape (and not date rape, actually break into the house and rape) 14 women and almost get away with it because they had been drinking and, according to the cops, were crying "date rape' after the fact. All of these women ( a few of which I had class with) had been at a bar with friends, then come home, locked their door, and went to bed. They were woken up after the guy broke in and were raped. But again, since they had been drinking they just "didn't remember leading him on". Finally he was convicted when he tried to rape someone who was sober enough to fight back, and sober enough that the cops believed her story. It does make me upset when people use the date rape cry verses just feeling like a slut. It's one thing if you are telling him no, or if you are so wasted you can't say no. It's another thing entirely if you are saying yes the entire time, then wake up and go "oh shitt" and then cry rape. And unfortunately I don't think there's a way to prove either one so guys who are hearing (rightfully) yes yes yes the entire time are then accused of rape.
Posted by katiewhompus[/QUOTE]

Holy crap, that's just scary.

katiewhompus · April 2010

Yeah, we were very much a party school and when I think of how stupid I was a freshman it terrifies me. It was also why I only attended parties where I knew 75% of the people there and had several safe rides home.

Controversy Over Date Rape at AU

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