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Engaged as a sophmore
Hi everyone, I'm a sophmore... In highschool. Before you make any assumptions, I'm not pregnant or any other cliche/stereotype that you may be coming up with. I wanted to know if there's anyone else like me out there. To give you some background, I'm a Christian who will be entering into ministry with my fiance in three years when we get married. Also, my fiance is eighteen years old and currently in the Calvary Chapel School of Worship. We've been together for a little over a year now. I'm not going to lie, it's very difficult to be in the position that I'm in and not be lonely because of how people tend to receive such news, so is there anyone out there who's in a similar situation? I'd love to hear about your story and share some more of my fiance and I's own.
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Re: Engaged as a sophmore
I just got engaged at 22, and even that's still young. I hate to think about what might have happened if I decided to get married to the boy I was dating when I was 15 *shudders*. The girl I was then is nothing like the woman I am now.
The years between 15 and 22 were very formative for me. I partied my face off, went to university. I learned who I was. Set some solid goals, learned how to work hard. I accomplished a bunch of goals: Moved out on my own, travelled a bit (more to come), bought a house. I got engaged. Pretty much in that order, with a bunch of other stuff in between. Don't deny yourself of those experiences because you're tied down to your fiance. I did lose myself for a while around 18-19 because I was so devoted to FI (BF at the time). I'm getting my own life back now, and I wish I'd figured that out sooner.
Life is good today.
IMHO, I think that high school should definitely be a time where you are concentrating the most on growing as an individual. Not to say that you can't have a relationship, but it is sometimes easier to stifle your growth when you're in a serious relationship.
Why not just date, get to know each other and live your lives for the next 3 years and then start planning a future together?
The reaction from our peers tends to vary. It's not something that we bring up for attention or simply for the sake of people knowing, but when we do people are either really happy for us or they think we're completely crazy. Honestly, I couldn't care less either way haha. We're in no position to allow the influence of others shape us against what God's doing with us. If people are happy for us it's definitely a nice little bonus though.
Yeah, the move will definitely be a little difficult, but I'm actually really excited and there's a very good chance that his parents will also be moving to Texas around the same time as us, and some of my family lives in Texas as well. If I think about it, it would be especially difficult to be so far away from my future sister-in-law. She's two years old and she's the apple of my eye. His mom is also expecting another teeny tiny blessing this April, and I can't imagine not being around to see him or her grow up. So, God's definitely catered to our needs haha.
OK so if you are so secure in your relationship why do other people's thoughts and comments matter? Because they shouldn't if you are as secure as you claim you are. Being in a young relationship (especially how young you are) is going to be hard and people are going to judge. Heck when I got engaged there were people on my board who I felt weren't thrilled for me because they think I am too young. But that is fine. I don't need their approval to live my life. Look you are so young. I am judging you, I know through God all things are possible but it seems really odd to me that a 17 year old would be interested in a 14 year old. In fact I am a little disturbed by it. But you know what, that is my opinion and it doesn't matter if you choose to not let it have power over you. So learn to just let it slide off your back. GL I really do hope things work out for you.
Married! May 27th, 2012
Well, if you read what I've actually typed, you'll see that I didn't post this for people's opinions and advice for our relationship. I posted this to see if there was anyone in a similar situation. So, technically, you don't belong in this conversation to begin with, but please stay and learn something if you'd like. As for my relationship being disturbing to you, I certainly don't want to serve a God who isn't capable of setting something like that up simply because of how culture views it. My God doesn't work with culture because He, unlike culture, is unchanging. Culture is relative to time, and because God isn't, I don't think it's valid to worry about such things and be preoccupied with them. I strongly believe that we are called to be so heavenly minded that we're no earthly good; it certainly doesn't make much sense to try to be relatable to evil. I'm not saying that to be engaged or married when you aren't young is wrong, I'm saying that man has no place in sorting out his own destiny either way. For your sake, I truly do hope that this has shed some light on this topic for you.
In the end, he was clingy and controlling. I felt suffocated. I felt immense dread upon seeing his car pull into the driveway when he came home from work. I still flinch at the phrase "What did you do today?"
I'm sure at the end, I was no picnic either.
From 15 to 20 I changed a lot, and from 20 to 27 I've changed even more. And I hope to continue to grow more as a person, just not with the rapid growth of my early 20s.
It lasted a whopping 13 months. We had both changed so much in those years, but refused to see it because we were just meant to be. Truth is, God sent him in to my life to teach me a few lessons. To help mold me in to the person I've become. I've since been able to grow as a woman so much. I've lived on my own, I've been a single mom, I've gone to school, and I've got an amazing career. I never would have gotten there without having gone through that trainwreck of a marriage.
No one is judging you. I'm with ravenray on this one. Why the rush to be engaged now? If you're waiting until you graduate, then just wait until then to get engaged. I hope you are shocked by how much you change in the next few years as you continue to grow as your own person. I'm not saying you need to go out and party every night or "indulge in the human flesh" I'm just saying, take some time to be sure this is what you really want out of life.
[QUOTE]Raven - I agree that a 17 year old boy dating a 14 year old girl is disturbing. <strong> I actually find most of this thread quite disturbing...</strong>
Posted by SKP82[/QUOTE]
Me too. FI just asked what was wrong. He said, "you have your 'disgusted' face on"
[QUOTE]Well, if you read what I've actually typed, you'll see that I didn't post this for people's opinions and advice for our relationship. I posted this to see if there was anyone in a similar situation. So, technically, you don't belong in this conversation to begin with,
<strong>FYI, anyone can post anywhere he/she would like to and provide any input to a thread</strong> <strong>he/she wants. When you post on a site like this you are opening yourself (and your situation) to any number of responses, they don't have to be just ones that you like.</strong>
but please stay and learn something if you'd like.
<strong>*eyebrow raise* The condescending tone to someone giving you advice doesn't really scream "I'm mature enough to be thinking about marriage".</strong>
As for my relationship being disturbing to you, I certainly don't want to serve a God who isn't capable of setting something like that up simply because of how culture views it. My God doesn't work with culture because He, unlike culture, is unchanging. Culture is relative to time, and because God isn't, I don't think it's valid to worry about such things and be preoccupied with them. I strongly believe that we are called to be so heavenly minded that we're no earthly good; it certainly doesn't make much sense to try to be relatable to evil. I'm not saying that to be engaged or married when you aren't young is wrong, I'm saying that man has no place in sorting out his own destiny either way. For your sake, I truly do hope that this has shed some light on this topic for you.
Posted by emplatacis[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE]Well, if you read what I've actually typed, you'll see that I didn't post this for people's opinions and advice for our relationship. I posted this to see if there was anyone in a similar situation. So, technically, you don't belong in this conversation to begin with, but please stay and learn something if you'd like. As for my relationship being disturbing to you, I certainly don't want to serve a God who isn't capable of setting something like that up simply because of how culture views it. My God doesn't work with culture because He, unlike culture, is unchanging. Culture is relative to time, and because God isn't, I don't think it's valid to worry about such things and be preoccupied with them. I strongly believe that we are called to be so heavenly minded that we're no earthly good; it certainly doesn't make much sense to try to be relatable to evil. I'm not saying that to be engaged or married when you aren't young is wrong, <strong>I'm saying that man has no place in sorting out his own destiny either way.</strong> For your sake, I truly do hope that this has shed some light on this topic for you.
Posted by emplatacis[/QUOTE]
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p><p class="MsoNormal">You posted because people's comments were getting to you.<span> </span>You said that you felt lonely and you wanted other people's stories.<span> </span>And if you read what I wrote you would know that I have had some of the same types of comments that you had.<span> </span>And really?<span> </span>This is an open forum, I can post where ever I like.<span> </span>You aren't the queen of this post.
<span> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span>
</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span> </span>I disagree; I think it is something to worry about because just like cultures, people change with time.<span> </span>50 years ago the average 15 year old was much more mature, but you know what?<span> </span>People lived a much shorter and harder life; you had to grow up early on.<span> </span>So it is relative.<span>
</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span>
</span></p><p class="MsoNormal">My whole point in the first post was I don't see why you need to be engaged NOW.<span> </span>If you aren't going to get married for three years you should just date and then get engaged (if you are still interested in him) a year out.<span> </span>Then you won't have to deal with those nasty comments. You can still be in a serious relationship.<span> </span>But let me clue you in on something, no one takes your high school relationships seriously.<span> </span>Why?<span> </span>Because they know how high school goes, there is this guy that you are IN LOVE with but in two years you are so glad you dumped the looser.<span> </span>I am not saying that is how your relationship is but that is how people are going to view it.<span> </span>No one took me seriously when I was in high school and dating my FI.<span> </span>It is what comes after high school that matters, that is when you start to become and adult and have adult relationships.<span> </span>This doesn't mean that you cannot start having adult relationships before you are out of high school but no one will take you seriously.<span> </span>And for good reason, so many young marraiges fail because of people not being mature enough and not knowning what they want in life.<span> </span>Something to think about and maybe you will learn something.<span>
</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span>
</span></p><p class="MsoNormal">Your last three sentences make no sense.<span> </span>And what on Earth does the bolded part me?<span> </span>You must be an interesting type of Christian seeing as most Christians believe in freewill and choice.<span> </span>Otherwise we wouldn't have this whole mess of sin to begin with.<span> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
Married! May 27th, 2012
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[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Engaged as a sophmore : You posted because people's comments were getting to you. You said that you felt lonely and you wanted other people's stories. And if you read what I wrote you would know that I have had some of the same types of comments that you had. And really? This is an open forum, I can post where ever I like. You aren't the queen of this post. I disagree; I think it is something to worry about because just like cultures, people change with time. 50 years ago the average 15 year old was much more mature, but you know what? People lived a much shorter and harder life; you had to grow up early on. So it is relative. My whole point in the first post was I don't see why you need to be engaged NOW. If you aren't going to get married for three years you should just date and then get engaged (if you are still interested in him) a year out. Then you won't have to deal with those nasty comments. You can still be in a serious relationship. But let me clue you in on something, no one takes your high school relationships seriously. Why? Because they know how high school goes, there is this guy that you are IN LOVE with but in two years you are so glad you dumped the looser. I am not saying that is how your relationship is but that is how people are going to view it. <strong>No one took me seriously when I was in high school and dating my FI. It is what comes after high school that matters, that is when you start to become and adult and have adult relationships. This doesn't mean that you cannot start having adult relationships before you are out of high school but no one will take you seriously. And for good reason, so many young marraiges fail because of people not being mature enough and not knowning what they want in life.</strong> Something to think about and maybe you will learn something. Your last three sentences make no sense. And what on Earth does the bolded part me? You must be an interesting type of Christian seeing as most Christians believe in freewill and choice. Otherwise we wouldn't have this whole mess of sin to begin with.
Posted by ravenray[/QUOTE]
<div>Well said. I was trying to figure out a way to express this. Eventually you just learn that you have to suck it up and let people be negative about you; the truth is that no one knows you like you do, and maybe you just know something in your heart about this relationship, even if the statistics are against you. The truth is, even though I didn't say it when I posted earlier, I have to admit that I'm skeptical, too. But I don't know you, so should my opinion matter? :)</div><div>
</div><div>But be prepared that this negativity it's not going to go away for a long, long time, if ever. You could be 40 and telling someone you got engaged as a sophomore in high school and they're still going to make a big deal out it. So see what you can learn from the negativity instead of letting it get to you, and really, really try and let yourself grow over the next few years. That doesn't mean sex or drinking (that's not what it meant for me) but be open to all the possibilities the world has. I think you can still do it while you're engaged, but it's harder. It just might be even harder to do it while engaged in high school.</div><div>
</div><div>Wow, did any of that actually make sense? Stupid finals, addling my brains!</div>
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Engaged as a sophmore :
Posted by bethsmiles[/QUOTE]
Beth I love you so much :)
Bride It made sense to me :)
Married! May 27th, 2012
I got engaged at 19. I'm 22 (tomorrow!) now and my fiance is 23. I regret my decision. I honestly wish I would have waited until I was 22. I wish I would have waited until around this time to get engaged. After we got engaged we realized we had NO business getting married without being completely financially independent and stable. Also, we were too young. I wasn't ready to get married without enjoying my college experience. I bet that even if you DO get married to him and stay together you'll whole life, you'll regret it. And keep in mind, my faith is pretty important to me as well. When I was 19, heck 17, I believed my FI was the one God had chosen for me. But either way, I wish I could have waited. We both wish we would have waited until after we were a bit older.
So, there's my story. And even at 19, I was 4 years older than you... You change throughout those years. Even just between 15 and 19 you change. Between 18 and 25 you change A LOT! Even if you keep telling yourself, "Oh! I don't party! I don't like to! I LOVE GOD!! I'm not going to change!!!" Bogus. You WILL change.
That relationship dissolved a couple months later. I'm GLAD it did, looking back. He was controlling and verbally abusive. Yet for some reason, I thought I loved him and we were meant to be together. You know what I think it was, looking back? BRAINWASHING. He was so dang controlling that I felt like he was all I needed.
The fact your own parents are iffy and you don't care doesn't surprise me, since that's how I was at that age... just remember your parents are pretty much always spot on when it comes to these types of things. But the fact your FI's parents and your FI are seemingly using God to pretty much scare you into moving to another state to be a homemaker absolutely disgusts me.
In response to everyone else's comments about how much you will change over the years- they are right. You will change. But, that isn't necessarily a bad thing. My FI and I started dating when I was 15 (he was 16). We got engaged a few months ago (I'm 22 now). We both changed over the past 6+ years, but we changed together. We grew together, not apart. Most high school couples change and grow apart, but not all. We have our own identities separate from each other, which is sooo important, but we also love each other more than life. Still, this took time- we dated throughout high school and college, and didn't get engaged until we were completely ready, and by that time, we really discovered who we are individually and as a couple.
So don't let the other comments freak you out. I think everyone just wants you to be realistic and aware of what all of this means; they don't want you to wake up one day and realize all of this was a mistake. Ultimately, it is between you, your FI, and God.
"You're our early 20's BSC scarecrow. They cower at your maturity." - lennonkdc
My FI and i have been dating since we were 16 and after a few months we said we wanted to get married. in that time i was really inmature and i personally think i didn't know what getting married entitled. My FI (always the mature one since he has lived by himself since he was 15) always told me to wait, at that time i thought he wasn't sure of our relationship but now that i look back i know he was right in telling me to wait. We decided to get married once we completed this checklist:
Now i am 21 and i already finished college and i've been saving most of my paycheck (since i still live with my parents i don't spend alot) towards our future and my FI is going to finish next year and already has a good paying job. We have decided to get married on our 6th anniversary. of couse, he has proposed at least 10 times. and i told him that since we have already stablished a date i need a new proposal so i can make it official
Yes, i think i am still young and i have changed ALOT since i was 16 but i think the best part is that my FI and i have changed and matured together and after everything we still love each other
Sorry for my bad spelling, English is not my first language
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Engaged as a sophmore : Beth I love you so much :) Bride It made sense to me :)
Posted by ravenray[/QUOTE]
Oh good! I'm not going crazy! :)
And to chime in on what polkadot said - I got engaged at 19 and won't be married until I'm almost 24 (I'm 21 now), and I do certainly have days where I wish we would've waited. We always got engaged knowing full well it would be a long engagement, but there are definitely days when I wish we got engaged a year out from the wedding. It can be tough to have a ring and not really be able to plan anything yet, and you have to be ready to deal with 1,001 people going "wow? really? the wedding isn't until 2014?"
Of course, then I look at my shiny engagement ring and remember I get to call him my fiance and I'm happy again :)