Highly Disagree with Bridesmaids Duties

brimcleod · December 2009

Through my own posts, and posts from others, I have noticed that the majority of you "regulars" think that the only duty of a bridesmaid is to stand there & look pretty.

DISAGREE time 40000!!!!

A bridesmaid is not just a friend who stands in your wedding in a dress. And a maid of honor is not just supposed to hold the bouquet & sign the witness line.

They get gifts for a reason. I've read "bridesmaid duties" on theknot.com, and I've read stuff from several other sources to make sure I'm right.

I send my maids a newsletter/message everytime I make a change or think of an idea. They are 100% involved in helping. They're there to support me, and help me when I need it. Mine are all aware of their bridesmaid duties & have agreed to everything, with no objections.

I'm not a bridezilla. And I don't have unusually high expectations. Anyone else on my side, besides my facebook friends?

mbcdefg · December 2009

Nope.

stina93446 · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_highly-disagree-bridesmaids-duties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:4d5d7b12-dae1-4124-a776-67242ea80102Post:9c15bb21-b9e6-40a7-889f-f1bd5deb0c2d">Highly Disagree with Bridesmaids Duties</a>:
[QUOTE]Through my own posts, and posts from others, I have noticed that the majority of you "regulars" think that the only duty of a bridesmaid is to stand there & look pretty. DISAGREE time 40000!!!! A bridesmaid is not just a friend who stands in your wedding in a dress. And a maid of honor is not just supposed to hold the bouquet & sign the witness line. They get gifts for a reason. I've read "bridesmaid duties" on theknot.com, and I've read stuff from several other sources to make sure I'm right. I send my maids a newsletter/message everytime I make a change or think of an idea. They are 100% involved in helping. They're there to support me, and help me when I need it. Mine are all aware of their bridesmaid duties & have agreed to everything, with no objections. I'm not a bridezilla. And I don't have unusually high expectations. Anyone else on my side, besides my facebook friends?
Posted by brimcleod[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>JIC

</div>

stina93446 · December 2009

Oh, and I am also a nope. In case you didn't already know.

brimcleod · December 2009

what does JIC mean

stina93446 · December 2009

Just in case

brimcleod · December 2009

what was the point to that?

stina93446 · December 2009

So that if you decide to delete your post, the other regs will still see what you wrote. You really should watch what you post on a public forum. No matter how you feel or think, you are thinking like a bridezilla and you will be called out for it. Sorry.

brimcleod · December 2009

actually, i'm not. everyywhere else i go it says that bridesmaids are supposed to pitch in.

what's the point to giving the bridesmaids gifts if all they do is stand and look pretty? i don't need people to stand and look pretty. i'm pretty enough as it is.

stina93446 · December 2009

Brim, the wedding industry is a business. They make books, magazines and even tv channels to brainwash brides into buying ANYTHING...even if it means treating your friends like crap.

emilykathleen511 · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_highly-disagree-bridesmaids-duties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:4d5d7b12-dae1-4124-a776-67242ea80102Post:9c15bb21-b9e6-40a7-889f-f1bd5deb0c2d">Highly Disagree with Bridesmaids Duties</a>:
[QUOTE]Through my own posts, and posts from others, I have noticed that the majority of you "regulars" think that the only duty of a bridesmaid is to stand there & look pretty. DISAGREE time 40000!!!! A bridesmaid is not just a friend who stands in your wedding in a dress. And a maid of honor is not just supposed to hold the bouquet & sign the witness line. They get gifts for a reason. I've read "bridesmaid duties" on theknot.com, and I've read stuff from several other sources to make sure I'm right.[/QUOTE]
OF COURSE wedding websites, magazines, and television shows tell you that bridesmaids NEED to do X, Y, and Z. They exist for the sole purpose of making money, which they do through advertising wedding products. If they can convince you that you and your bridesmaids NEED their products, NEED parties, and NEED this, that, and the other at your wedding, they make more money.

[QUOTE]I send my maids a newsletter/message everytime I make a change or think of an idea. They are 100% involved in helping. They're there to support me, and help me when I need it. Mine are all aware of their bridesmaid duties & have agreed to everything, with no objections.[/QUOTE]
That is awesome that you have friends who are so into wedding planning. If they weren't, they wouldn't be bad friends or bad bridesmaids.

[QUOTE]I'm not a bridezilla. And I don't have unusually high expectations. Anyone else on my side, besides my facebook friends?
Posted by brimcleod[/QUOTE]
NOPE.

stina93446 · December 2009

I am sorry, but I CANNOT WAIT until Larissa, Stage, Brooke, Banana, Meg, and all the other regs see your posts.

emilykathleen511 · December 2009

And just FYI, the ladies here are all super laid back about their wedding and the people in it. Interestingly enough, most of us seem to have friends and family who offer to help and plan pre-wedding parties of their own accord, and are just generally helpful.

On the flip side, the ladies that come on here to b*tch about how their friends are awful bridesmaids and just won't help them with anything seem to be the ones who expect it and try to force it.

People don't like being told what to do. They also don't like being told how to spend their time and money.

brimcleod · December 2009

i'm not buying anything...that has nothing to do with my bridesmaids helping me.

it really is a shame that you all don't have such great friends like i do. maybe you shouldn't be so judgmental & you'd have better and more helpful bridesmaids.

stina93446 · December 2009

You completely missed what we both wrote....the wedding industry will write things they made up. There's no need for you to try and insult us about not having friends when clearly it is you who are having the friend issues. You clearly don't care enough about your MOH to talk to her and see how she's doing. you only care about your wedding....an event that lasts half a day. A friendship lasts a lifetime. You need a reality check.

brimcleod · December 2009

well, just to make sure, and to give you all benefit of the doubt,
i just sent a message to ALL of my bridesmaids.

I asked if I was asking too much of them, and I asked if they'd rather do what you all would have them do, or if they'd rather help with several aspects of wedding planning.

I asked them if they thought I was being unreasonable or a bridezilla or a slave driver.

We'll see how they react. Maybe you all need reality checks.

stina93446 · December 2009

I don't know WHY you would do that....or why they would ever tell you that you were asking for too much.

If a friend asked you "Do I look fat in this?" would you say "Oh god yes, you look like a circus tent" or something along the lines of "No, it's looks fine!"

You'd find a way to sugar coat it. You're the bride....er, the fat chick in this scenario. No one is going to hurt your feelings and say that you're asking for too much...and I'm not implying that youre asking for too much. I already told you that you can ask. They can accept or decline. What you're not getting is that you can't expect it. You can't demote people because they didn't attend a bridal expo, a bridal fitting, a bm dress search, etc.

I am now officially calling this and you MUD. Goodnight.

emilykathleen511 · December 2009

Well, that is a nice thought. However, if my friend did that I would most likely pretend like she was the awesomest friend ever no matter what because I wouldn't want to rain on her parade. I doubt someone is going to come back with, "YES Brimcleod you are a giant bridezilla and I hate you!!!"

The reason we are being so blunt with you is that we are internet strangers that can give it to you straight and don't have to sugar-coat things like your friends probably will to spare your feelings. We give the best kind of advice--honest advice. You should take it.

One other thing: In this case, you say your friends ask you what they can do to help. If this is the case, it is perfectly acceptable to let them know how they can help you. Our point is that you shouldn't EXPECT it of them, or get mad if they don't follow-through with it.

brimcleod · December 2009

mud? what the heck?

and fortunately, my maids are extremely honest. which makes them excellent friends.

it really is a shame that you all aren't as blessed as me.

to all of this i say LOL! you all are lame. goodnight.

emilykathleen511 · December 2009

MUD = made up drama

Stina thinks you made all of this drama up to entertain yourself. It honestly wouldn't surprise me.

brimcleod · December 2009

uhh definitely not.

why would i make it up? you all are really dumb. i laugh at this.

jesuslovingchik · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_highly-disagree-bridesmaids-duties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:4d5d7b12-dae1-4124-a776-67242ea80102Post:9c15bb21-b9e6-40a7-889f-f1bd5deb0c2d">Highly Disagree with Bridesmaids Duties</a>:
[QUOTE]Through my own posts, and posts from others, I have noticed that the majority of you "regulars" think that the only duty of a bridesmaid is to stand there & look pretty. DISAGREE time 40000!!!! A bridesmaid is not just a friend who stands in your wedding in a dress. And a maid of honor is not just supposed to hold the bouquet & sign the witness line. They get gifts for a reason. I've read "bridesmaid duties" on theknot.com, and I've read stuff from several other sources to make sure I'm right. I send my maids a newsletter/message everytime I make a change or think of an idea. They are 100% involved in helping. They're there to support me, and help me when I need it. Mine are all aware of their bridesmaid duties & have agreed to everything, with no objections. I'm not a bridezilla. And I don't have unusually high expectations. Anyone else on my side, besides my facebook friends?
Posted by brimcleod[/QUOTE]

<div>Oh I totally agree with you! You may as well not have any bridesmaids if they're just gonna stand there and not do anything else. That's why you ask them if they want to be bridesmaids, cause it means they will most likely have to give their time and money. I'm not gonna be a jerk and force them to do a bunch of stuff they don't wanna do, but if I need to delegate, I know that they are there for me. Ignore people who just wanna please everyone and would never think of asking their friends for help. That's what friends are for.</div>

brimcleod · December 2009

ohmygoodness. thank you SO much.
you're my new best friend. thanks for being the only other sane one on these boards.

emilykathleen511 · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_highly-disagree-bridesmaids-duties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:4d5d7b12-dae1-4124-a776-67242ea80102Post:efb81d2c-d348-4d68-a161-176a0454d446">Re: Highly Disagree with Bridesmaids Duties</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Highly Disagree with Bridesmaids Duties : Oh I totally agree with you! You may as well not have any bridesmaids if they're just gonna stand there and not do anything else. That's why you ask them if they want to be bridesmaids, cause it means they will most likely have to give their time and money. <strong>I'm not gonna be a jerk and force them to do a bunch of stuff they don't wanna do, but if I need to delegate, I know that they are there for me. Ignore people who just wanna please everyone and would never think of asking their friends for help. That's what friends are for.
</strong>Posted by jesuslovingchik[/QUOTE]

I think in essence you just agreed with us. YES, you CAN ask your friends for help. NO, you can't EXPECT them to give up their time and money. If they do that is great, if not they aren't bad friends. For instance, if you had a friend going to graduate school and she was also working full-time, she may not have ANY time to help you out. If she is your really close friend, you would likely still want her to stand by your side as you get married because she is important to you.

For another example, what if your very close friends was just not into party planning or assembling invitations? She is the type of friend who was maybe great about helping with homework in college, but just doesn't like party planning. Would you exclude her even though she supports your marriage just because she won't do enough party planning for you?

And THEN, maybe you have a friend who says she doesn't want to help and you don't know the reason. If you are a good friend you would understand and it wouldn't matter the reason. You would still want her there by your side as you take that big step into marriage.

You may ask your friends for help, and they help you, and that is the end of it. If that is all there is to the story, then great.

If you are understanding of your friends now, they will be there for you later when you really need them throughout your life. If you have an attitude like "ITS ALL ABOUT ME FOR THE NEXT YEAR TIL MY WEDDING AND ANYONE WHO DOESN'T THINK SO IS A BAD FRIEND" you will lose friends. If you two can't see that then there is no hope for either of you.

jesuslovingchik · December 2009

I guess I am just lucky in the fact that I really enjoy planning things myself and it's actually kinda hard for me to let go enough for my friends or family to help me. Cause I'd be totally content planning alot of the things myself. My best friend (and maid of honor) and I have grown up together and she is totally willing to do anything I ask of her, even though she lives a timezone away! On the other hand, I want my cousin to be a bridesmaid in my wedding. I know she wouldn't be able to help much at all and quite frankly I don't even know if she would show up to my wedding, so in asking her, I know not to expect much. I think it's always a good idea to let the bridesmaids know what they are getting themselves into before they say yes. And obviously you know them pretty well if you want them to be in your wedding, so you can know what to expect from each person. What I'm trying to say is, if you expect them to do certain things, tell them beforehand. If you just want them to stand there and look pretty, good luck planning on your own. Bridesmaids are supposed to help you, even if it's only a little bit. If they aren't ok with that, they can always respectfully decline.

brimcleod · December 2009

nobody said I forced anyone to do anything.
i also mentioned that one of my friends couldn't make it to a bridesmaids wedding planning sesh, and i was completely fine with that. you all are totally missing the point.

my point in my other post was that one of my bridesmaids was not being cooperative in any aspect of life. wedding plans aside, she was just being argumentative about everything. basically not being the best friend that i know & love. i never said i expected her to be there or anything. i said specificially that she was being very very argumentative even with non-wedding topics.
jeez.

brimcleod · December 2009

&& thank you jesuslovingchik....you're in the exact same though process as me.

japow1984 · December 2009

Just curious, what exactly are your bridesmaid's "duties" going to be?

lyndausvi · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_highly-disagree-bridesmaids-duties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:4d5d7b12-dae1-4124-a776-67242ea80102Post:83f55850-2c2d-4dd8-8cc9-39161de4a6ee">Re: Highly Disagree with Bridesmaids Duties</a>:
[QUOTE]i'm not buying anything...that has nothing to do with my bridesmaids helping me.<strong> it really is a shame that you all don't have such great friends like i do. maybe you shouldn't be so judgmental & you'd have better and more helpful bridesmaids. ;)</strong>
Posted by brimcleod[/QUOTE]

I was a really laid back bride I had ZERO expectations of my BM. The only thing I asked them to do was buy a dress. No shoes, jewerly, nails, hair nothing.

I only asked my ::gasp::DH and parents (paying for the wedding) for help. Their opinions are the only ones that mattered anyway.

I had no drama. I had a beautiful shower given to me by my MOH and one BM. 2 of them helped me address the invitations (they all think my handwriting sucks - lol and insisted on helping).

Everyone showed up with their dresses and shoes. Some went with me to get nails and hair done. 2 others did it on their own. 2 of my BM are makeup artists, they did my make up. Everyone showed up on time, helped me get ready, etc

All without me telling them their 'duties'

They also knew what was going on because ::gasp:: They asked. Crazy I know.

BTW - the GM basically just have to rent a tux and show up. They still get gifts. What's the difference?

mbcdefg · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_highly-disagree-bridesmaids-duties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:4d5d7b12-dae1-4124-a776-67242ea80102Post:83f55850-2c2d-4dd8-8cc9-39161de4a6ee">Re: Highly Disagree with Bridesmaids Duties</a>:
[QUOTE]it really is a shame that you all don't have such great friends like i do. maybe you shouldn't be so judgmental & you'd have better and more helpful bridesmaids. ;)
Posted by brimcleod[/QUOTE]

Weren't you the one just biitching a few posts below that her MOH wasn't doing anything for her?

If you're going to start drama, at least keep your story straight.

MyNameIsNot · December 2009

Your friends must love you. /sarcasm.

From the maturity level you've displayed in this post, I can only imagine what your friendships are like.

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