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Wedding Etiquette Forum
No Childrennnn!!!
We are having our wedding in a dimly lit, rustic, castle-like building that's very romantic, and neither of us want children there. We want it to be about us with our friends and family, without our guests having to run after their kids or worrying about the kids knocking stuff over or missing their bedtimes etc. I mentioned that we were considering having no kids at our ceremony to my uncle, who has 2 stepdaughters aged 6, and he said that he was not leaving his kids at home and that we could not prohibit immediate family from bringing their kids. This and similar conversations with other guests have made me think: since when is this your day? Isn't this supposed to be our day and about honoring what we want and the way we want to celebrate? Any help on how we can deal with people insisting on bringing their kids against our wishes? We also do not have the budget to include kids; we have to keep our guest list to a minimum and can't afford all the kids. Any suggestions???
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Re: No Childrennnn!!!
[QUOTE]We are having our wedding in a dimly lit, rustic, castle-like building that's very romantic, and neither of us want children there. We want it to be about us with our friends and family, without our guests having to run after their kids or worrying about the kids knocking stuff over or missing their bedtimes etc. I mentioned that we were considering having no kids at our ceremony to my uncle, who has 2 stepdaughters aged 6, and he said that he was not leaving his kids at home and that <strong>we could not prohibit immediate family from bringing their kids.</strong> This and similar conversations with other guests have made me think: since when is this your day? Isn't this supposed to be our day and about honoring what we want and the way we want to celebrate? Any help on how we can deal with people insisting on bringing their kids against our wishes? We also do not have the budget to include kids; we have to keep our guest list to a minimum and can't afford all the kids. Any suggestions???
Posted by yesimusluca[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Actually, you can. By not putting them on the invite ;-)
</div>
The exception to the rule is very young babies. They are always allowed to come.
[QUOTE]Very young babies aren't always the exception. It's nice to make them the exception because they're harder to leave, especially if breastfeeding but the parents of the baby not coming is always an option.
Posted by kcscejal[/QUOTE]
99% of people on here will agree with me that infants are the exception to the "no kids" rule as they are not easily left at home with a sitter and you shouldnt invite a guest <em>assuming</em> they wont come. Infants are way easier than toddlers and young kids, those are the ones who really run a muck.
[QUOTE]In Response to No Childrennnn!!! : Actually, you can. By not putting them on the invite ;-)
Posted by shortee426[/QUOTE]
This.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: No Childrennnn!!! : 99% of people on here will agree with me that infants are the exception to the "no kids" rule as they are not easily left at home with a sitter and you shouldnt invite a guest assuming they wont come. Infants are way easier than toddlers and young kids, those are the ones who really run a muck.
Posted by golden1215[/QUOTE]
<div>Agreed. If you are serious about not wanting a newborn/nursing baby at your event, then don't invite the parents; they are a package deal.</div>
Address your invites carefully, making sure to not put "and family" or anything like that. And be prepared for a backlash from some people. FI and I are also doing an Adults-Only evening (our venue contract actually has a clause that if children aren't attended and watched carefully that the reserve the right to kick them out). Some family members have expressed that they would rather bring their kids, but I'm prepared to call them and explain the situation. FI and I don't want kids there, and we are prepared to deal with the consequences. If you feel the same, then go for it and stick to your guns. Deciding on newborns/infants, etc is up to you.
[QUOTE]I'm putting "adult only reception' on my reception cards and also addressing to the parents only. You can always hire someone to watch the kids in a seperate room at the wedding. I don't have any kids on my side of the family so I'm leaving it up to my FMIL to inform his side. Some people are going to have a serious problem with this but just politely tell them children aren't welcome. If they don't come, so be it.
Posted by SD3194[/QUOTE]
You shouldn't put that on your invites. You should never mention who isn't invited on the invitation. Just address it to the parents.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: No Childrennnn!!! : You shouldn't put that on your invites. You should never mention who isn't invited on the invitation. Just address it to the parents.
Posted by kcscejal[/QUOTE]
<div>This. Don't put it on your website either. Or anywhere.</div>
It rubs me the wrong way (and I don't even have kids) when couples say they have kid-free weddings for the convenience of guests, or so that guests won't have to worry about their kids. I mean for all you know they'd be more worried about leaving the kids with a sitter, and finding a sitter is not always easy. I'm sure you don't mean it, but it sounds a bit presumptuous, like you know better than they do what's convenient for them, because if it was that much more convenient or that much less stress you wouldn't have to not invite the kids, the parents would just leave them home anyhow.
And no, infants are not always the exception. I've never seen an infant at a wedding. Ever.
[QUOTE]Your uncle sounds like a jerk. I guess you can't literally "prohibit" him from bringing his children, but of course you can choose who you want to invite and it's perfectly reasonable to not invite children. Though short of physically kicking them out, I have no idea what you do if your uncle decides to bring them knowing they weren't invited. And no, infants are not always the exception.<strong> I've never seen an infant at a wedding. Ever.
</strong>Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]
Wow, I'm surprised. We had a few at our wedding. They were no problem. H's cousin's toddler, on the other hand...
OP, like everyone else said, you don't have to invite the kids if you don't want to. However, be prepared for the backlash and for people to choose not to come. I also don't think you have to justify your choice to anyone. It's your party, you choose the guests, period, and there is nothing socially inacceptable or against etiquette about not inviting children. Plenty of parties don't invite children - company Christmas parties come to mind - so it's not unheard of by any means.
If you're really concerned that people won't understand that their kids aren't invited, you can set up your RSVP cards to indicate specifically who is invited. Something like ___ of 2 will attend or even listing each invitee individually
Jack Smith will attend _________
Jane Smith will attend_________
Or. of there is a meal choice
Jack Smith Chicken Beef Unable to attend
Jane Smith Chicken Beef Unable to attend
3 week olds, although easier than toddlers, can still be distruptive. Plus I personally wouldn't want to subject my newborn to loud noises and such that tend to be at receptions.
[QUOTE]Your uncle sounds like a jerk. I guess you can't literally "prohibit" him from bringing his children, but of course you can choose who you want to invite and it's perfectly reasonable to not invite children. Though short of physically kicking them out, I have no idea what you do if your uncle decides to bring them knowing they weren't invited. And no, infants are not always the exception. <strong>I've never seen an infant at a wedding. Ever.
</strong>Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]
I have also never seen an infant at a wedding. We had several new moms at my wedding and none of them brought their babies. That being said, I would have been fine if they had.
OP: Sorry about your uncle. Some people feel very entitled when it comes to their children. I find this odd since my parents never would have taken this kind of stance for me, and rightly so. IMO children do not get to attend or do everything the adults do. You're not doing anything wrong.
[QUOTE]as a mother, I don't get why infants are the exeption. I really don't. I left DD with a sitter when she was 3 weeks old (THE HORROR) because she wasn't invited to a wedding. I BF, it still wasn't a big deal. If I wasn't comfortable, I wouldn't have gone. End of story. 3 week olds, although easier than toddlers, can still be distruptive. Plus I personally wouldn't want to subject my newborn to loud noises and such that tend to be at receptions.
Posted by IrishBrideND[/QUOTE]
<div>The exception is often made for multiple reasons. If the mother is breastfeeding it might be hard to leave the infant. Also, sometimes new mothers don't yet have a sitter that they know/trust with such a young child (and Grandma might not live close by). That's not say that is the situation for ALL mothers with infants, but it's nice accommodate for those that are in that situation.</div>
This solved the whole problem. I have also let parents know that the room is where they are to be during the reception. I also did not include names of children on the invitation for the friends and family that are local.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: No Childrennnn!!! : The exception is often made for multiple reasons. If the mother is breastfeeding it might be hard to leave the infant. Also, sometimes new mothers don't yet have a sitter that they know/trust with such a young child (and Grandma might not live close by). That's not say that is the situation for ALL mothers with infants, but it's nice accommodate for those that are in that situation.
Posted by shortee426[/QUOTE]
I understand why some make that exception. My point is I don't get why so many on this board think people MUST make that exception.
I don't live near family at all. We still made it work. And if we couldn't find someone we trusted, only one of us would have gone. I don't expect others to accomodate my breeding choices.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: No Childrennnn!!! : I understand why some make that exception. My point is I don't get why so many on this board think people MUST make that exception. I don't live near family at all. We still made it work. And if we couldn't find someone we trusted, only one of us would have gone. I don't expect others to accomodate my breeding choices.
Posted by IrishBrideND[/QUOTE]
<div>I understand what you're saying. My personal belief is that it is not REQUIRED to make exceptions for infants, but it is nice to. I don't plan on putting any infants on my invites (I actually can only think of 1 anyway), however if the parents approach me and say they won't be able to make it without brining baby I will tell them to bring her along!</div>
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: No Childrennnn!!! : I understand why some make that exception. My point is I don't get why so many on this board think people MUST make that exception. I don't live near family at all. We still made it work. And if we couldn't find someone we trusted, only one of us would have gone. I don't expect others to accomodate my breeding choices.
Posted by IrishBrideND[/QUOTE]
A mom that gets it. I love it.
Lbride: some of us are sane