Talk to me people...Night Thread

lyndausvi · June 2012

I was spanked as a kid or so I'm told. Apparently I was so young I really don't remember. At some point it turned into "the look". I guess subconsciously I knew what would happened if I didn't obey the look. I didn't want to go there.

Anysunrise · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_talk-to-me-peoplenight-thread?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:89565b5a-8bd7-4ed2-a8b4-fe55e4279d89Post:bd209cc3-f40c-4715-9acf-2ab1a07f646a">Re: Talk to me people...Night Thread</a>:
[QUOTE]My mom took away my books to punish me. It was quite effective.
Posted by RupertPenny[/QUOTE]

<div>Hah same. And then later on, it was the internet. </div>

musicalsunlight · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_talk-to-me-peoplenight-thread?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:89565b5a-8bd7-4ed2-a8b4-fe55e4279d89Post:bd209cc3-f40c-4715-9acf-2ab1a07f646a">Re: Talk to me people...Night Thread</a>:
[QUOTE]My mom took away my books to punish me. It was quite effective.
Posted by RupertPenny[/QUOTE]

<div>When I was getting really crappy grades in middle school, my mom threatened to take away dancing. I was an honors student in like 2 seconds, haha. </div>

LeiselEB · June 2012

In Response to Re:Talk to me people...Night Thread:[QUOTE]You show me a parent who spanks their kid when NOT angry.

And a parent who spanks their kid when they aren't angry? I think makes them scarier. Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]

I feel like I phrased that wrong. This was from a class like three years ago so I'm rusty on the lingo. But it's like if you're going to spank your kid you shouldn't be screaming at them or showing that you're furious. You're supposed to say "do not touch the stove" or whatever calmly and swat them and then be done with it. Who knows if this is effective, but it seems less creepy to me than like a full on spanking and yelling session.

My parents always said "this is unacceptable". That's how I knew I was in serious trouble. Though it only happened maybe twice? I was a goody goody.

LeiselEB · June 2012

My parents used to send me to my room, but all my books were there so Id be quite content with that.

adamar15 · June 2012

Books are one thing my mom never took away. Horses, TV, and computer all went, though.

mkrupar · June 2012

I was spanked. I'm sure it has some effect, but I wouldn't know it now. I too was in the afraid to dissapoint camp. Nothing worse than hearing those words come out of your parent's mouth.

Fish - I think the reason people say, "I think I would do X when I have kids, but I will probably change to X when I actually have kids," is because of the people telling child-less kids they just don't know. Like they make people feel insecure in their beliefs of what they will and will not do when raising a kid.

mjmchugh86 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_talk-to-me-peoplenight-thread?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:89565b5a-8bd7-4ed2-a8b4-fe55e4279d89Post:8ce64012-ad6c-43ea-bffa-81e530f46806">Re:Talk to me people...Night Thread</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Talk to me people...Night Thread: I feel like I phrased that wrong. This was from a class like three years ago so I'm rusty on the lingo. But it's like if you're going to spank your kid you shouldn't be screaming at them or showing that you're furious. You're supposed to say "do not touch the stove" or whatever calmly and swat them and then be done with it. Who knows if this is effective, but it seems less creepy to me than like a full on spanking and yelling session. My parents always said "this is unacceptable". That's how I knew I was in serious trouble. Though it only happened maybe twice? I was a goody goody.
Posted by LeiselEB[/QUOTE]

I am pretty sure that no research has ever shown any type of spanking to be effective.

J&K10910 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_talk-to-me-peoplenight-thread?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:89565b5a-8bd7-4ed2-a8b4-fe55e4279d89Post:b79b83a2-4a8c-4f41-901b-d8bbd908b377">Re: Talk to me people...Night Thread</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Talk to me people...Night Thread : Agreed. The only way a small kid (like 2 or 3) will learn not to run into the street is when mom/dad spanks them for doing so, they don't know about how dangerous cars can be.
Posted by sooshi4u[/QUOTE]

Ok, I'm behind because I left to eat dinner, but really? The ONLY way? Hmm...no. Plenty of people teach their kids not to run into the street without spanking them.

PetalPockets2012 · June 2012

Super Nanny doesn't believe in spanking. There was one episode where the mom would spank the kids while telling them how much she loved them and that's why she had to spank them. Then while they were crying she would make them hug and her and tell her they loved her. It bothered me.

texasgurly13 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_talk-to-me-peoplenight-thread?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:89565b5a-8bd7-4ed2-a8b4-fe55e4279d89Post:a4869615-3dae-458e-970b-3c2e6f7f069a">Re: Talk to me people...Night Thread</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Talk to me people...Night Thread : I feel like Cousin Amy can be a black sheep though, because she's not in their immediate family. I don't know that her family subscribes to the religion like the Duggars.
Posted by mkrupar[/QUOTE]

<div>They don't. But that was really the only person I can think of. But that could change as the kids get older. If I remember correctly, the older girls (Jana, Jill, Jinger, and Jessa) want to take college classes. But I think they are doing it online, so they will still be living under the rules of their father until they are married. </div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

crfische · June 2012

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN, JESS!?

Loopyseven · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_talk-to-me-peoplenight-thread?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:89565b5a-8bd7-4ed2-a8b4-fe55e4279d89Post:cd4eb9e7-c26a-4978-9448-b6a77a81bac5">Re:Talk to me people...Night Thread</a>:
[QUOTE]My parents used to send me to my room, but all my books were there so Id be quite content with that.
Posted by LeiselEB[/QUOTE]

<div>I was like this too. I got spanked once. The defiance that prompted it wasn't worth it, but I knew exactly why it happened.</div>

LeiselEB · June 2012

In Response to Re:Talk to me people...Night Thread:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Talk to me people...Night Thread:In Response to Re:Talk to me people...Night Thread: I feel like I phrased that wrong. This was from a class like three years ago so I'm rusty on the lingo. But it's like if you're going to spank your kid you shouldn't be screaming at them or showing that you're furious. You're supposed to say "do not touch the stove" or whatever calmly and swat them and then be done with it. Who knows if this is effective, but it seems less creepy to me than like a full on spanking and yelling session. My parents always said "this is unacceptable". That's how I knew I was in serious trouble. Though it only happened maybe twice? I was a goody goody.Posted by LeiselEBI am pretty sure that no research has ever shown any type of spanking to be effective. Posted by mjmchugh86[/QUOTE]

Im willing to assume that at least one study out there supports its effectiveness. Especially given that things like that cant really be proven. I didn't study psychology, though, so take that with a grain of salt.

To be clear, I'm not personally in favor of spanking but I see that for some kids it may have merits.

RupertPenny · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_talk-to-me-peoplenight-thread?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:89565b5a-8bd7-4ed2-a8b4-fe55e4279d89Post:798a87b8-4271-41a1-95e4-a2095cf76666">Re: Talk to me people...Night Thread</a>:
[QUOTE]Books are one thing my mom never took away. Horses, TV, and computer all went, though.
Posted by adamar15[/QUOTE]

Books were all I cared about. Maybe if I had a horse she could have bribed me with that. But I didn't care about the computer or TV if I had a few books to keep me busy.

No wonder I want to be a librarian when I grow up.

mjmchugh86 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_talk-to-me-peoplenight-thread?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:89565b5a-8bd7-4ed2-a8b4-fe55e4279d89Post:61f8beb6-aad7-49ac-a2c8-3f7d94c7b46c">Re: Talk to me people...Night Thread</a>:
[QUOTE]Super Nanny doesn't believe in spanking. There was one episode where the mom would spank the kids while telling them how much she loved them and that's why she had to spank them. Then while they were crying she would make them hug and her and tell her they loved her. It bothered me.
Posted by PetalPockets2012[/QUOTE]

I currently work with a parent like this. It is why I drink wine when I come home from work.

starrynight84 · June 2012

Fish, I am nodding along with everything you are saying.

Hitting your child is never the answer. Honestly. And I don't have any children of my own (though I like to say I have 30 children to my students) but I still have opinions on parenting. I like natural and logical consequences as defined by Rudolf Dreikur and expanded in his "Children: The Challenge". I use it in my classroom instead of management systems or whatever.

LeiselEB · June 2012

In Response to Re:Talk to me people...Night Thread:[QUOTE]Super Nanny doesn't believe in spanking. There was one episode where the mom would spank the kids while telling them how much she loved them and that's why she had to spank them. Then while they were crying she would make them hug and her and tell her they loved her. It bothered me. Posted by PetalPockets2012[/QUOTE]

That's positively disturbing.

mkrupar · June 2012

Guys I want a new haircut. I think short. But I don't know. It's already short, so I would be going like pixie style.

ArynBaker · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_talk-to-me-peoplenight-thread?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:89565b5a-8bd7-4ed2-a8b4-fe55e4279d89Post:61f8beb6-aad7-49ac-a2c8-3f7d94c7b46c">Re: Talk to me people...Night Thread</a>:
[QUOTE]Super Nanny doesn't believe in spanking. There was one episode where the mom would spank the kids while telling them how much she loved them and that's why she had to spank them. Then while they were crying she would make them hug and her and tell her they loved her. It bothered me.
Posted by PetalPockets2012[/QUOTE]

<div>We talked about this in one of my CDFR classes. It bothered us too. </div>

PetalPockets2012 · June 2012

Have you had it like that before MK?

Loopyseven · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_talk-to-me-peoplenight-thread?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:89565b5a-8bd7-4ed2-a8b4-fe55e4279d89Post:61f8beb6-aad7-49ac-a2c8-3f7d94c7b46c">Re: Talk to me people...Night Thread</a>:
[QUOTE]Super Nanny doesn't believe in spanking. There was one episode where the mom would spank the kids while telling them how much she loved them and that's why she had to spank them. Then while they were crying she would make them hug and her and tell her they loved her. It bothered me.
Posted by PetalPockets2012[/QUOTE]

<div>That's messed up. For some reason I think this would just cause the cycle to repeat.</div>

RupertPenny · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_talk-to-me-peoplenight-thread?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:89565b5a-8bd7-4ed2-a8b4-fe55e4279d89Post:2d43d0d3-b570-4d0a-b7cb-d0a36f7f37aa">Re: Talk to me people...Night Thread</a>:
[QUOTE]Guys I want a new haircut. I think short. But I don't know. It's already short, so I would be going like pixie style.
Posted by mkrupar[/QUOTE]

DO IT!

ErinG93 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_talk-to-me-peoplenight-thread?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:89565b5a-8bd7-4ed2-a8b4-fe55e4279d89Post:2d43d0d3-b570-4d0a-b7cb-d0a36f7f37aa">Re: Talk to me people...Night Thread</a>:
[QUOTE]Guys I want a new haircut. I think short. But I don't know. It's already short, so I would be going like pixie style.
Posted by mkrupar[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I wanted to do that to mine, but I chickened out. You should do it!

</div>

starrynight84 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_talk-to-me-peoplenight-thread?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:89565b5a-8bd7-4ed2-a8b4-fe55e4279d89Post:273164aa-8c4f-460e-b5a5-81bc819e617c">Re:Talk to me people...Night Thread</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Talk to me people...Night Thread: Im willing to assume that at least one study out there supports its effectiveness. Especially given that things like that cant really be proven. I didn't study psychology, though, so take that with a grain of salt. To be clear, I'm not personally in favor of spanking but I see that for some kids it may have merits.
Posted by LeiselEB[/QUOTE]

<div>You might want to watch Oprah Winfrey's interview with Geoffrey Canada. But anyway, spanking is ineffective. And that has been proven.</div>

texasgurly13 · June 2012

Re: Spanking...I won't do it for my kids. I got swatted on the butt a few times when I was growing up, but my parents didn't spank me every time I did something wrong. But those few times, I do remember them and it wasn't really necessary.

When I was in trouble, my parents would take away computer privileges or phone privileges. But it never lasted long. They would tell me I'd be grounded for a week and then after a couple of days, they would stop caring. Eventually, I realized they were empty threats.

J&K10910 · June 2012

EATING DINNER, I SAID THAT.

I get a lot of attitude at work from parents when I try to help them parent their children better, and I don't have any. Especially when I look about 19. Most people don't appreciate that very much. Too bad for the ones that won't try things my way simply because of that. They should talk to the ones who DO try things my way.

Anysunrise · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_talk-to-me-peoplenight-thread?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:89565b5a-8bd7-4ed2-a8b4-fe55e4279d89Post:2d43d0d3-b570-4d0a-b7cb-d0a36f7f37aa">Re: Talk to me people...Night Thread</a>:
[QUOTE]Guys I want a new haircut. I think short. But I don't know. It's already short, so I would be going like pixie style.
Posted by mkrupar[/QUOTE]

<div>I was thinking about going ear length, then I remember how well that turned out the last time. So, just a trim...sigh.</div>

mjmchugh86 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_talk-to-me-peoplenight-thread?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:89565b5a-8bd7-4ed2-a8b4-fe55e4279d89Post:273164aa-8c4f-460e-b5a5-81bc819e617c">Re:Talk to me people...Night Thread</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Talk to me people...Night Thread: Im willing to assume that at least one study out there supports its effectiveness. Especially given that things like that cant really be proven. I didn't study psychology, though, so take that with a grain of salt. To be clear, I'm not personally in favor of spanking but I see that for some kids it may have merits.
Posted by LeiselEB[/QUOTE]

Im currently getting my master's in behavior analysis, so this is kind of right up my alley. The effects of spanking are widely overestimated, and parent do report that they work. However, when looked at in a systematic manner (if this kid is spanked for throwing toys, for example, does the kid in the future throw less toys) there is no evidence to support it. There is evidence that time outs work, because the kid is taken out of the enviroment, does not have access to reinforcement, so in the future that behavior decreases.

PetalPockets2012 · June 2012

J - It is rare but there have been a few moments in my career where the parents actually said "Well, you're the ____. What do you think we should do?" or "You probably know better than us. Please help." Those moments are so nice.

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