is it rude to enclose a "rules of the event" sheet for the guests?

mwhitson14 · April 2010

I didn't want my wedding to be perfect. Hoping for perfect is going to set you up for extreme disappointment.

Blueyed228 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_rude-enclose-rules-of-event-sheet-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:4955ee4c-6203-4264-bc60-8c194adea880Post:2e902c5e-b016-4e17-9319-aca9423cc1a4">Re: is it rude to enclose a "rules of the event" sheet for the guests?</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh my goodness. I realize this is my first post, and most of you will find it totally inappropriate for me to introduce myselfto the boards this way, but seriously??? I made it through four or five pages of this nonsense, and I must say this is ridiculous! Give the girl a break. She wants her wedding day to be perfect, and she doesn't want to be embarrassed. Who on here can honestly say that you don't/didn't want your wedding to be perfect, or that you aren't/weren't worried that *someone* is/was going to embarrass you?To the OP: My FI's family is very similar. I'm actually more worried about what my MIL is going to wear than how my hair will look. And I already know the best man's father will show up in jeans and flannel. I know you're worried about being embarassed and having your day ruined. And if your family is anything like mine, they won't say anything until after the fact. But take a step back. If you got an invitation to a wedding and there was a rules sheet on how to act and dress included with the invitation, would you really want to go? This is the day you marry your best friend. The only thing that matters that day is him. If you're really worried about it, tell your photographer to only take head and shoulder shots of the people who are "inappropriately" dressed. But from what I've been hearing from recent brides I know, short of the cake falling over, you're really not going to care what happens. Oh, and about the kids: my FI has several cousins all close in age. Three of them are from the same family, and would be *those kids* that run around the reception like a bunch of banshees. He made a phone call to his grandmother very politely expressing my concern and asking her if she and his grandfather would mind keeping an eye out to make sure they didn't get into the cake or presents. I got the response card back from his aunt, and the kids are not coming. Now I realize every family is different. In his family, his grandfather disciplines the grandkids if they misbehave in his house. So it wasn't a big deal for them to say to his aunt "Keep a leash on them or leave them at home." But the point was that I didn't have to say anything. So if you're that concerned about the kids, maybe you could enlist FI to find a family member who would be willing to keep an eye on the kids. But that's just my two cents.
Posted by mizk0423[/QUOTE]

Me. I can honestly say I am not worried about it at all. If people do, dress, or say something embarrassing, THEY are the ones who will look stupid, not me.

sucrets4 · April 2010

I'm with blue and whit.

Your wedding day will NOT be perfect. Things WILL go wrong. But if you're married at the end of the day, it will be a success.

How does guest attire affect your marriage at all? It doesn't. End of story.

Mrs.B6302007 · April 2010

[QUOTE]This is the day you marry your best friend. The only thing that matters that day is him.[/QUOTE]

You could have saved yourself a lot of typing by just stopping there.

duckie1905 · April 2010

Your wedding will not be perfect. Expecting perfection is only setting yourself up for disappointment.

DH's uncle wore jeans to our wedding. We weren't any less married at the end of the day and honestly, I didn't even notice until the reception was almost over. He was the one that looked under dressed. No one made a comment about how lax I was on attire because I had allowed jeans. They commented in his inability to dress appropriately for the event.

Your guests will wear what they want to regardless of a bride's attempt to micromanage them.

Danielle&Nanne · April 2010

I would agree that telling people how to behave at your wedding is rude. However, you can simply include on your reception card "cocktail attire" which is perfectly acceptable.

Make sure you have a comprehensive contact list (phone number, email) so you can start calling the people who don't RSVP 3 weeks before the wedding. If it is too much for you to do, see if one of your bridesmaids or your MOH will take over the task.

Lastly, in order to curb the uninvited people who you think will show up to take advantage of your open bar (which sadly, I've seen happen as well), you can have someone who can check your guests in and informs them of the table they're seated at, rather than having a seating chart. This way, you have someone to "work the door". Pick someone who wouldn't have an issue telling people that they're not on the list. I would definitely either pay this person or get them a gift, though.

Blueyed228 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_rude-enclose-rules-of-event-sheet-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:4955ee4c-6203-4264-bc60-8c194adea880Post:b8d846ea-4d72-4a5d-9c83-fa7f7e1e371c">Re: is it rude to enclose a "rules of the event" sheet for the guests?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would agree that telling people how to behave at your wedding is rude. However, you can simply include on your reception card "cocktail attire" which is perfectly acceptable. Make sure you have a comprehensive contact list (phone number, email) so you can start calling the people who don't RSVP 3 weeks before the wedding. If it is too much for you to do, see if one of your bridesmaids or your MOH will take over the task. Lastly, in order to curb the uninvited people who you think will show up to take advantage of your open bar (which sadly, I've seen happen as well), you can have someone who can check your guests in and informs them of the table they're seated at, rather than having a seating chart. This way, you have someone to "work the door". Pick someone who wouldn't have an issue telling people that they're not on the list. I would definitely either pay this person or get them a gift, though.
Posted by Danielle&Nanne[/QUOTE]

This reminds me of trying to get into a nightclub. I also as a guest would not appreciate having a "job" at your wedding.

nda_roxybabe · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_rude-enclose-rules-of-event-sheet-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:4955ee4c-6203-4264-bc60-8c194adea880Post:a5dd89e6-b08a-4c20-ba2b-650cbbeeea63">Re: is it rude to enclose a "rules of the event" sheet for the guests?</a>:
[QUOTE]However, you can simply include on your reception card "cocktail attire" which is perfectly acceptable. In what etiquette universe is this perfectly, or even imperfectly, acceptable?
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
None.

sucrets4 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_rude-enclose-rules-of-event-sheet-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:4955ee4c-6203-4264-bc60-8c194adea880Post:a5dd89e6-b08a-4c20-ba2b-650cbbeeea63">Re: is it rude to enclose a "rules of the event" sheet for the guests?</a>:
[QUOTE]However, you can simply include on your reception card "cocktail attire" which is perfectly acceptable. In what etiquette universe is this perfectly, or even imperfectly, acceptable?
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

In the bridezilla universe!!!!!!! It's myyyyyyyyyyyy dayyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!

nda_roxybabe · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_rude-enclose-rules-of-event-sheet-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:4955ee4c-6203-4264-bc60-8c194adea880Post:cd476f57-00cc-447b-ac8e-bb8ddc12a579">Re: is it rude to enclose a "rules of the event" sheet for the guests?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: is it rude to enclose a "rules of the event" sheet for the guests? : In the bridezilla universe!!!!!!! It's myyyyyyyyyyyy dayyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by sucrets4[/QUOTE]
Wait, so my FI (you know, in the future), family and friends don't matter?! Yipee!

bushgroupie98 · April 2010

Ridiculous

mollysophia · April 2010

Holy crap, this is the poster thread for "Snarky Brides" board. I read the first page during class and almost got thrown out for laughing. Thanks ladies

p.s. on second thought, I'd rather read all 9 pages of this thread than in class. Much more enjoyable.

ap517 · April 2010

Sorry about the rude commenters...weddings are stressful and they can bring out the worst in our families, friends, etc and so it's tough when random internet people make fun of us. Not sure how classy the wedding is but if it's truly going to be a black and white formal sit down dinner I think you can say black tie on the invitation, right? but only if it is a truly formal event. that way people will know what to wear. Also, are you going to have a bar? I think if you are worried about drunk people, just stick to wine and beer and have the bar tender do a three drink maximum. But you really can't change how people act, only yourself. Just be classy from now til the wedding. If these people want to look like trash at a wedding then that's their problem, and I truly feel sorry for these people.

nda_roxybabe · April 2010

Stay classy san diego!

nicoleashlee05 · April 2010

Its hard to have those off-the-wall family members, but you are marrying into the family and truth be told, they're not going to change anytime soon. To keep yourself from stressing, I would not address any formality issues and just make your reception as classy as you want it. Dont fret about the clothes, just make sure your wedding is super enjoyable and you remember the reason why you two are really there.

SheDiva4 · April 2010

I understand you dilemma, I have a similar problem. My reception is at a private club and the dress code of the club is a coat and tie. While we are having an evening reception but I'm very afraid some of our family and friends will show up without a coat or tie. If they do they will either be turned away or required to wear a coat or tie from the club, ugh!

I would suggest that when appropriate at family gatherings you find a opportunity to let your FI family know how important it is to RSVP. You can throw in that people who don't RSVP will probably be served "air sandwiches"

You know your FI's family and will find the appropriate time and way to say this to them.

For example my female cousins were visiting this past weekend . We are very close so I just jokingly said, " Remember this is not going to be some Ghetto-fabulous wedding, so if you would wear it to da club don't wear it to the wedding." No one was offended and they said they would "break out the church clothes" for me.

As for the children "running amuck", if your reception location allows have an area with coloring books and little games for the kids to play. If you can keep the kids occupied then it should keep things less hectic.

So to answer your question, no don't include a formal rules of the event in invitation but let them be known.

Think of it as how the registry is handled, you should never include where you are registered in invotes but your guest should find out through word of mouth.

Also keep in mind, when it feels as if some of the members here are really riding you, this is a microcosm of life, not everyone will share your views or care to.

Remember that everyone here is different and we all have one thing in common, our wedding. So don't take the negative opinions or responses to heart, they are all good people but they have different opinions.

sucrets4 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_rude-enclose-rules-of-event-sheet-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:4955ee4c-6203-4264-bc60-8c194adea880Post:037ba05c-c189-41bb-b8eb-5ab2684540b1">Re: is it rude to enclose a "rules of the event" sheet for the guests?</a>:
[QUOTE]I understand you dilemma, I have a similar problem. My reception is at a private club and the dress code of the club is a coat and tie. While we are having an evening reception but I'm very afraid some of our family and friends will show up without a coat or tie. If they do they will either be turned away or required to wear a coat or tie from the club, ugh!
Posted by SheDiva4[/QUOTE]

In your situation, since it's required by the venue and not just yourselves, it's acceptable to let your guests know what minimum attire will be accepted.

Telling people what to wear because you want pretty pictures isn't cool.

I can't even reply to the other posts. Too ridiculous. Props to roxy and bg for attempting.

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