Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"

Liberty27 · November 2010

To me, a stripper is inappropriate for a 19 year old bride especially when one of the girls in attendance of this pre-party bash will be 17. I am getting a hotel room for the 5 bridesmaids (ages 17, 18, 19, 21 my sis, and 24 me) and bride to hang out in for a night a couple of days before the wedding under the pretenses we will be doing things like watching wedding-related movies and eating pizza. I am really afraid that one of the 'maids is planning on hiring a stripper for that night because I have caught them discussing it before and they are trying to hide it from me. How do I handle this? How old do you even have to be to hire a stripper?

danieliza1127 · November 2010

Are you the bride? I'm confused.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · November 2010

Well, you have to be 18 to hire a stripper. An technically, you need to be 18 to go to a strip club, but I'm not sure there are rules if you hire one for a private home/hotel room.

Can you keep the details of the night a secret from them, like what hotel/room you'll be in, so they have trouble making plans?

Liberty27 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-way-say-bring-stripper-will-injure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b37175dc-c6b1-476b-9b36-3e7895b364e9Post:9944572d-c376-4d01-9476-c92ce88a5af9">Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"</a>:
[QUOTE]Are you the bride? I'm confused.
Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]

<div>No, I am one of the maids.</div>

Liberty27 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-way-say-bring-stripper-will-injure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b37175dc-c6b1-476b-9b36-3e7895b364e9Post:5fb53983-03bc-428e-aa20-6f891f82f7f3">Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, you have to be 18 to hire a stripper. An technically, you need to be 18 to go to a strip club, but I'm not sure there are rules if you hire one for a private home/hotel room. Can you keep the details of the night a secret from them, like what hotel/room you'll be in, so they have trouble making plans?
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

<div>Its a small town, there is literally one hotel. I had already thought about that.</div>

danieliza1127 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-way-say-bring-stripper-will-injure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b37175dc-c6b1-476b-9b36-3e7895b364e9Post:81c3bf8b-e9ad-4418-94aa-b945df06c7f0">Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?" : No, I am one of the maids.
Posted by Liberty27[/QUOTE]

Well...I don't really think it's totally up to you then. You could ask the bride and see how she feels about strippers in general, without giving away the plans. If she's not against them, then I think you'll just have to suck it up and go with it. If she hates the idea, then you could definitely tell the other girls that the bride is totally against it.

salt78 · November 2010

I think it's inappropriate to get married at 19, so I don't know how much more harm a stripper could do.

FutureMrsTR · November 2010

If a stripper shows up, point out that there's an underage girl in the room and he'll probably leave. Couldn't he get in trouble for that? I have no idea what the rules with strippers are.

Liberty27 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-way-say-bring-stripper-will-injure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b37175dc-c6b1-476b-9b36-3e7895b364e9Post:424f489e-1b34-4470-bf1b-ae984d9394d8">Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?" : Well...I don't really think it's totally up to you then. You could ask the bride and see how she feels about strippers in general, without giving away the plans. If she's not against them, then I think you'll just have to suck it up and go with it. If she hates the idea, then you could definitely tell the other girls that the bride is totally against it.
Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]

<div>But would I be liable if something happened because a minor is involved?</div>

Birdie1483 · November 2010

I think I'd be more worried about knowing the stripper if it's a small town.

One of my BM's had a stripper at her bachelorette party. Turns out she wen to high school with him. She asked him to keep his clothes on and just party with them. :-P

sarah0725 · November 2010

I'm kinda with Dani. I don't really see why it's your job to be the morality police at this bachelorette party or whatever it is. I mean, I don't like strippers either, and I'd be upset if one showed up in my hotel room, but there's just something about what you posted that sounds weirdly controlling, like you know what's best for everybody.

sarah0725 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-way-say-bring-stripper-will-injure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b37175dc-c6b1-476b-9b36-3e7895b364e9Post:d10ec7a9-abb9-4a8f-a660-057f9040ab78">Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?" : But would I be liable if something happened because a minor is involved?
Posted by Liberty27[/QUOTE]

If this is your concern, you are already opening yourself up to potential problems by hosting a bachelorette party for someone who's underage. What if one of them brings alcohol? The only way to control the situation is to not host the party.

Rosie109 · November 2010

Pizza and wedding related movies.. Sounds like a stripper would definitely spice things up.

danieliza1127 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-way-say-bring-stripper-will-injure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b37175dc-c6b1-476b-9b36-3e7895b364e9Post:d10ec7a9-abb9-4a8f-a660-057f9040ab78">Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?" : But would I be liable if something happened because a minor is involved?
Posted by Liberty27[/QUOTE]

Good question, I don't know. Is it illegal to have a stripper at a place where someone is underage? If so, like pp just suggested, if a stripper shows up, be sure to tell him that one of the girls is 17. He'll probably have to leave. Also if you're worried about this as a liability, I assume there won't be alcohol either? Because I do know you can get in trouble for providing alcohol to a minor.

Liberty27 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-way-say-bring-stripper-will-injure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b37175dc-c6b1-476b-9b36-3e7895b364e9Post:c82eeccf-21d2-48ab-af68-75710875ed47">Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?" : If this is your concern, you are already opening yourself up to potential problems by hosting a bachelorette party for someone who's underage. What if one of them brings alcohol? The only way to control the situation is to not host the party.
Posted by sarah0725[/QUOTE]

<div>That has already been discussed, and the agreement was that if I am paying for the hotel room then no underage consumption will be going on.</div>

louisvillebride21 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-way-say-bring-stripper-will-injure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b37175dc-c6b1-476b-9b36-3e7895b364e9Post:ad4830ec-0823-4083-8d15-c16be1b401b0">Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?" : Then why can't you apply the same agreement to strippers?
Posted by sarah0725[/QUOTE]

Wait...isn't that the advice she's asking for here? How to make that agreement?

akhensley81 · November 2010

OP, if you really think it's that bad of an idea - I would suggest you just talk to the other maids and be honest with them. But keep in mind, if they're going to do it - they're going to do it. There's not a lot you can do to stop them.

I was completely frank (and maybe a little biitchy) to my maids about strippers. I wanted nothing to do with it. And guess what they did? They kidnapped me (my bach-party was completely a surprise), threw me in a limo, and took me to a strip club. It was horrifying. But we all survived.

ETA: And I agree with PPs, if one shows up, make sure you inform him that you have an underage girl in the room. I'm pretty sure that it would be illegal for him to perform in front of a minor.

danieliza1127 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-way-say-bring-stripper-will-injure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b37175dc-c6b1-476b-9b36-3e7895b364e9Post:705ac26e-737f-47ec-8a8f-b4779bf06a10">Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?" : Wait...isn't that the advice she's asking for here? How to make that agreement?
Posted by louisvillebride21[/QUOTE]

Well if that's the case, just say it the same way you did about the alcohol. No alcohol or strippers in the hotel room that's being booked under my name. Period.

Liberty27 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-way-say-bring-stripper-will-injure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b37175dc-c6b1-476b-9b36-3e7895b364e9Post:ad4830ec-0823-4083-8d15-c16be1b401b0">Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?" : Then why can't you apply the same agreement to strippers?
Posted by sarah0725[/QUOTE]

<div>I know that if they break the rule on the alcohol I can just pour it out. I am afraid a stripper would be more difficult to get rid of. I already told them that a stripper would be not be allowed but I am afraid they will get one anyways.</div>

Liberty27 · November 2010

Can I ask the hotel to not give out our room number unless I specifically say it is ok to do so?

Simply Fated · November 2010

If the 17 year old is allowed to go to the hotel room for the evening, then I'm guessing the mother doesn't care, right?
Depending on local laws and such, you guys would get in much more trouble for serving alcohol to the minors than having a stripper... so I would look into that and see if you can get the bride on board. if a stripper does show up, you have the choice to leave the room until he leaves. Just a suggestion.

sarah0725 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-way-say-bring-stripper-will-injure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b37175dc-c6b1-476b-9b36-3e7895b364e9Post:705ac26e-737f-47ec-8a8f-b4779bf06a10">Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?" : Wait...isn't that the advice she's asking for here? How to make that agreement?
Posted by louisvillebride21[/QUOTE]

Well, she obviously seems to think that the alcohol thing is a non-issue, so what I'm wondering is why she thinks that there's going to be no problem with booze, but there is going to be a problem with strippers. It would seem to me that if she has already gotten everyone to agree on one, then the other shouldn't be too much of a problem, and if the other is a problem, then she should probably be worried about the first also. Because who watches strippers sober, for one thing?

FI and I are friends with some people who are under 21, and so when we plan things for them, we make sure that we pick something really fun and age appropriate, or we host people at our house and make dinner and break out the Wii, or something like that. I think about liability issues too, but the way I deal with it is not putting myself in a situation where I could end up liable.

danieliza1127 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-way-say-bring-stripper-will-injure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b37175dc-c6b1-476b-9b36-3e7895b364e9Post:1ac1a343-16fd-4252-a358-5b8f712a02e8">Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?" : I know that if they break the rule on the alcohol I can just pour it out. I am afraid a stripper would be more difficult to get rid of. I already told them that a stripper would be not be allowed but I am afraid they will get one anyways.
Posted by Liberty27[/QUOTE]

I don't think he'd be hard to get rid of, if you told him there was a 17 year old in the room. The downfall though is that the girls would probably be pretty pissed at you for the rest of the night for ruining their fun and being a fuddy duddy. Not that I think you are, but that's what they will think.

I think you need to have an honest conversation with them and let them know that if a stripper shows up, you will kick him out, and if it's going to ruin their time and make them mad at you for doing so, then maybe it's best if someone else rent the room or you hold this at someone's house instead of a hotel.

It seems like if this were at someone's house, it might be less of an issue. No front desk to see the stripper and kick him out themselves, no rowdy girls being loud in a hotel room drawing attention, etc.

Manwaithiel · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-way-say-bring-stripper-will-injure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b37175dc-c6b1-476b-9b36-3e7895b364e9Post:1ac1a343-16fd-4252-a358-5b8f712a02e8">Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?" : I know that if they break the rule on the alcohol I can just pour it out. I am afraid a stripper would be more difficult to get rid of. I already told them that a stripper would be not be allowed but I am afraid they will get one anyways.
Posted by Liberty27[/QUOTE]

You call hotel security. You have him escorted out. I disagree with Dani in saying this is not your call. If you're paying for everything and the hotel room is in your name, then you absolutely get most of the say in what goes on.

louisvillebride21 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-way-say-bring-stripper-will-injure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b37175dc-c6b1-476b-9b36-3e7895b364e9Post:85ccf33d-8d90-456e-bacc-4fa94e4f43c5">Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"</a>:
[QUOTE]Can I ask the hotel to not give out our room number unless I specifically say it is ok to do so?
Posted by Liberty27[/QUOTE]

Absolutely.

squirrly · November 2010

You can't prevent them from getting one. But you don't have to let him in the door. If they want a stripper they need to provide a location for him.

AK, seriously? And you stayed? I'd have left if I was forced to go somewhere I didn't want to go. If your friends want to go see a strip show, whatever, but they don't have the right to force you to do so.

danieliza1127 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-way-say-bring-stripper-will-injure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b37175dc-c6b1-476b-9b36-3e7895b364e9Post:85ccf33d-8d90-456e-bacc-4fa94e4f43c5">Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"</a>:
[QUOTE]Can I ask the hotel to not give out our room number unless I specifically say it is ok to do so?
Posted by Liberty27[/QUOTE]

I'm sure whoever hires him will call him with the room number. The front desk won't have anything to do with it. It's not like he'll stop at the front desk and ask for the room number.

louisvillebride21 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-way-say-bring-stripper-will-injure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b37175dc-c6b1-476b-9b36-3e7895b364e9Post:dccc1ca7-253c-4fd1-8bde-f55d03ab0b27">Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?" : Well, she obviously seems to think that the alcohol thing is a non-issue, so what I'm wondering is why she thinks that there's going to be no problem with booze, but there is going to be a problem with strippers. It would seem to me that if she has already gotten everyone to agree on one, then the other shouldn't be too much of a problem, and if the other is a problem, then she should probably be worried about the first also. Because who watches strippers sober, for one thing? FI and I are friends with some people who are under 21, and so when we plan things for them, we make sure that we pick something really fun and age appropriate, or we host people at our house and make dinner and break out the Wii, or something like that. I think about liability issues too, but the way I deal with it is not putting myself in a situation where I could end up liable.
Posted by sarah0725[/QUOTE]

Well as she said, the alcohol is a THING she can easily get rid of, the stripper is a PERSON. Little more difficult there. I mean, at least she's thinking about liability here. It's being responsible.

sarah0725 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-way-say-bring-stripper-will-injure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b37175dc-c6b1-476b-9b36-3e7895b364e9Post:aaea6fd8-3f0c-41a3-a95e-8295426c7979">Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?" : Well as she said, the alcohol is a THING she can easily get rid of, the stripper is a PERSON. Little more difficult there. I mean, at least she's thinking about liability here. It's being responsible.
Posted by louisvillebride21[/QUOTE]

But now we're imagining a party where OP is running around, confiscating drinks and pouring them out, and shooing strippers out the door. That doesn't sound fun for anybody, including OP. If these bridesmaids are this out of control, then it sounds like party planning needs to go back to the drawing board.

Either you can trust people to have an adult agreement about booze and strippers, or you can't. If you can't, then you're making yourself liable.

kikibaby · November 2010

Young brides bachelorette parties sound like a 13 year old's birthday slumber party.

NuggetBrain · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-way-say-bring-stripper-will-injure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b37175dc-c6b1-476b-9b36-3e7895b364e9Post:f941f960-fda4-40e4-a0f4-927d4fe19001">Re: Polite way to say "if you bring a stripper I will injure you?"</a>:
[QUOTE]I'd just tell the BMs that if a stripper shows up, they'll need to have a separate hotel room for him. And, I'd ask the bride if she's even interested. <strong> If not, call hotel security and ask that the stripper be escorted out.</strong> If I were the bride, I'd be horriffied that a BM of mine would go against my wishes on that subject, but if she's into it, then. . . ok. But, no, I wouldn't permit a stripper and a minor to be in the same hotel room at the same time.
Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]

I'd ask him to leave first. I don't think security needs to be involved unless he refuses to go. However, remember that even if you do ask him to leave, you still should pay him, since he probably won't be able to get another gig at such short notice.

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