kicked out pregnant bridesmaid

hwolf62307 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_kicked-out-pregnant-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a2e59173-01e0-44f5-86aa-838e6bb8a003Post:99e4a463-b291-4983-b07a-c4d6d731bd45">Re: kicked out pregnant bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: kicked out pregnant bridesmaid : honestly? yes, i think a good friend WOULD put family planning on hold, as long as the wedding isn't insanely far in advance. I have seen many people post on here that they asked their BMs not to get pregnant, I haven't done anything remotely close to this and yet I am getting trouble for my post? I never asked her not to get pregnant. I would never say that to anyone. However, I DO think it's an unsaid thing, out of courtesy for the friend who has asked you to participate in "the most important day of their life." I guess I see being a BM as one of the most honorable things you could offer a friend. If it isn't important enough to you to be 100% present, than that's your perogitive. For me, that's what I felt my responsibility as a BM was. I know what the original poster said, I guess I should apologize to her for getting off track, we ARE still talking about pregnant BM's though, aren't we?
Posted by caitybug02[/QUOTE]

who said a pregnant bridesmaid isnt 100% present?

caitybug02 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_kicked-out-pregnant-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a2e59173-01e0-44f5-86aa-838e6bb8a003Post:f800b750-4553-48da-a3e0-73584ca9d355">Re: kicked out pregnant bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: kicked out pregnant bridesmaid : Well good for you, but you have no right to be upset about it or be hurt by it because it is soooo none of your business.
Posted by Manwaithiel[/QUOTE]

i'm sorry, who are you to tell me that my priorities are out of whack?

oh im so silly, you're right, my best friend of 12 years being pregnant at my wedding is none of my business. seems to me that you've made it YOURS though, funny how that happened.

bridgeeboo · December 2010

That is awful, I am so, so, so sorry you have been treated this way.

Her behavior is really uncalled for. If you are supposed to be one of her best friends, she would want you standing up at the altar with her, no matter what.

I can say this, because I am in a similar situation. My matron of honor got pregnant (not planned) in June. My wedding is February 5, and she will be 8 months pregnant. I changed my bridesmaid dresses so we went with a designer that had pregnancy dresses. She is going to look beautiful. She is one of my best friends, and I am thrilled for her pregnancy, and can't wait for her to have a baby.

You pick the people who are your attendants because you love them. Even when you are planning your wedding, those people's lives go on. Since I got engaged and set my date, my matron of honor got pregnant, my maid of honor got engaged and married (I was her maid of honor too), my bridesmaid got engaged and married (I was her bridesmaid), and yesterday, my cousin, who is also one of my bridesmaids got engaged too. All this in a span of less than a year, and all right before my wedding! I figure I am lucky, I started a trend of love

I would hold off on making your friend your MOH. Wait to see how this pans out. I would talk to her and tell her your feelings, and how much you want to be there for her.

Honestly, if she feels you can't stand on an altar, you can't be her "right hand man" running around and running errands for her all day. All I want my matron of honor to do is stand on the altar beside me, and if she can't stand because she is too pregnant, I will have a chair for her. It is that important to me because I love her, and I feel your friend should feel the same way about you. Especially since she knew you were pregnant when she asked you.

I hope this works out for you! If your friend does not reconsider her choices, I would strongly suggest you re-evaluate your friendship with her. It is difficult, but sometimes wedding bring out either the best or worst in people.

bablingbrooke · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_kicked-out-pregnant-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a2e59173-01e0-44f5-86aa-838e6bb8a003Post:5d1af52d-22bc-4ee6-a279-0fa37d295f5b">Re: kicked out pregnant bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: kicked out pregnant bridesmaid : i'm sorry, who are you to tell me that my priorities are out of whack? oh im so silly, you're right, my best friend of 12 years being pregnant at my wedding is none of my business. seems to me that you've made it YOURS though, funny how that happened.
Posted by caitybug02[/QUOTE]
You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake. A BM who is pregnant for your wedding is no different than a BM who was pregnant for mine or anyone else's. So yeah, others can tell you that your priorities are out of whack because they objectively are.

caitybug02 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_kicked-out-pregnant-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a2e59173-01e0-44f5-86aa-838e6bb8a003Post:bfa972d8-b3ef-4d1b-997f-82d14ade4a1f">Re: kicked out pregnant bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: kicked out pregnant bridesmaid : who said a pregnant bridesmaid isnt 100% present?
Posted by hwolf62307[/QUOTE]

do you really think a pregnant BM is going to go on an out of town bachelorette party? i know i wouldn't want to, if i was!

InATizzy1601 · December 2010

oh im so silly, you're right, my best friend of 12 years being pregnant at my wedding is none of my business. seems to me that you've made it YOURS though, funny how that happened.

Honey, you made it our business by posting it on the boards....duh.

Also, out of town bachelorette party? So if a friend gets laid off or can't afford that are they kicked out too?

hwolf62307 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_kicked-out-pregnant-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a2e59173-01e0-44f5-86aa-838e6bb8a003Post:9d07bf99-5141-458c-bb38-89564a64d539">Re: kicked out pregnant bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: kicked out pregnant bridesmaid : do you really think a pregnant BM is going to go on an out of town bachelorette party? i know i wouldn't want to, if i was!
Posted by caitybug02[/QUOTE]

Maybe your bridesmaid would, though? and even so ... it's just a bachelorette party. i can understand being sad that she couldn't/wouldn't go (if she even chose not to) ... but come on .. the bachelorette? it's just another party! you'd kick someone off your wedding party because they can't or won't go to the bacelorette for some reaon?

scarlett5990 · December 2010

Friendship is about being there through thick and thin. If one friend's pregnant, the other is asking, "how can I help?" Friendship isn't about how you'll look in a dress pregnant. Pregnancy is a beautiful thing. Honestly, it sounds to me like the bride doesn't want a friend, she wants a slave. She wants someone who will do all the work, but won't take any of the credit. That's not fair to you at all. You were right to email her and say, "hey this isn't fair, and this is how I feel." If she feels that your email was hurtful, well honey, sometimes the truth hurts. As for your wedding, who is in your party is your decision. However, if it were me, I'd honestly ask myself a couple questions. Is she really going to be there when it gets to be in the thick of things? Or is she going to make some excuse as to why she can't do something. Or will she back out last minute? Do what your heart tells you is right. If that means she's in the wedding, great! If it means you need to move on and go separate ways, that's fine too. Just remember this, when life gives you lemons...make lemon bars!

cowgirlkal · December 2010

I had a similar thing happen to me and one of my friends which I was a BM in her wedding. She was married and I had just broken up with someone and wanted to have drinks with the girls, but she didn't like it that it wasn't just a me and her thing and through a complete fit. She limited what I could see on her networking sites and acted like a complete child. She did realize later how much our friendship meant to her and called an appologized, but it took a while for me to forgive her as I really am not one to have drama, I normally just remove it. Now it is my turn to pick my BMs and unfortunately I don't need the high school drama in my wedding so she won't be standing up with me. If she is a part of the wedding at all it will be an unnamed part like the guest book or something.

My Matron of Honor was 5.5 months pregnant when we went dress shopping. I planned my wedding after her pregnancy was over, not because I didn't want a pregnant BM standing up with me, because I love babies, but because I knew she couldn't party with me and be that big part of my bachelorette party that most MOH are.

I wish you the best in your decision and your pregnancy, and I hope you can work something out with her, but like someone else said it is much easier to talk to people in person or over the phone than through an email. Emails can not show emotion.

~Life is not measured by the amount of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away!!!

tidetravel · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_kicked-out-pregnant-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a2e59173-01e0-44f5-86aa-838e6bb8a003Post:9d07bf99-5141-458c-bb38-89564a64d539">Re: kicked out pregnant bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: kicked out pregnant bridesmaid : do you really think a pregnant BM is going to go on an out of town bachelorette party? i know i wouldn't want to, if i was!
Posted by caitybug02[/QUOTE]

#1 - you don't plan your B-party. IF your friends DECIDE to throw you one, AND it happens to be out of town, then she can choose to go IF she wants. She's not required to, and if she, or anyone, doesn't attend, it doesn't mean that she's a bad friend or a bad person.

Hell, I wouldn't travel to an OOT b-party, even if I wasn't pregnant.

caitybug02 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_kicked-out-pregnant-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a2e59173-01e0-44f5-86aa-838e6bb8a003Post:04a9d023-2311-4ba7-a380-1fc0e6215b8e">Re: kicked out pregnant bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]Also, out of town bachelorette party? So if a friend gets laid off or can't afford that are they kicked out too?
Posted by InATizzy1601[/QUOTE]

um, i am not planning my own bachelorette party. but nice try, finding another reason to crucify me.

you guys are certainly a very warm and welcoming crew now aren't you.

what do a bunch of brides have to be so angry about?
i tell my short little story, and receive nothing but all of you telling me that i'm wrong and malicious? isn't this supposed to be a place to VENT and have friendly discussions about weddings/feelings, and not be name called?

hey, people, it's FRIDAY. smile and stop picking on someone who only came here to share something she feels like she couldn't share with anyone else in her life. successful job at making her feel like an awful human being.

and AGAIN (addressing a recent post above this one), I AM NOT KICKING HER OUT OF MY WEDDING. I HAVENT EVEN TALKED TO HER ABOUT IT. I HAVENT TALKED TO ANYONE ABOUT IT.

i'm peacing out, this place sure is something. i've learned my lesson. buncha piranhas.

good luck, diybridemama. best of luck to you.

Manwaithiel · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_kicked-out-pregnant-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a2e59173-01e0-44f5-86aa-838e6bb8a003Post:9d07bf99-5141-458c-bb38-89564a64d539">Re: kicked out pregnant bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: kicked out pregnant bridesmaid : do you really think a pregnant BM is going to go on an out of town bachelorette party? i know i wouldn't want to, if i was!
Posted by caitybug02[/QUOTE]

Have you ever been pregnant?

If not, then I can't understand how you could possibly know what you're talking about.

Manwaithiel · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_kicked-out-pregnant-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a2e59173-01e0-44f5-86aa-838e6bb8a003Post:29389c6b-8e94-472a-9831-4ba66336dc59">Re: kicked out pregnant bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: kicked out pregnant bridesmaid : AfreakinMEN
Posted by SuperBusyBride[/QUOTE]

YOU STAY TOO! I like you =)

bablingbrooke · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_kicked-out-pregnant-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a2e59173-01e0-44f5-86aa-838e6bb8a003Post:bc3ab842-d4ef-4e68-9439-a6bb2ee0205a">Re: kicked out pregnant bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: kicked out pregnant bridesmaid : um, i am not planning my own bachelorette party. but nice try, finding another reason to crucify me. you guys are certainly a very warm and welcoming crew now aren't you. what do a bunch of brides have to be so angry about? i tell my short little story, and receive nothing but all of you telling me that i'm wrong and malicious? isn't this supposed to be a place to VENT and have friendly discussions about weddings/feelings, and not be name called? hey, people, it's FRIDAY. smile and stop picking on someone who only came here to share something she feels like she couldn't share with anyone else in her life. successful job at making her feel like an awful human being. and AGAIN (addressing a recent post above this one), I AM NOT KICKING HER OUT OF MY WEDDING. I HAVENT EVEN TALKED TO HER ABOUT IT. I HAVENT TALKED TO ANYONE ABOUT IT. i'm peacing out, this place sure is something. i've learned my lesson. buncha piranhas. good luck, diybridemama. best of luck to you.
Posted by caitybug02[/QUOTE]
Charming. You'll be missed. Your "little story" had horribly out of whack priorities that you now (hopefully) know are not right to have. Hopefully you take that away and don't breathe a word of disappointment to your BM (and get over it yourself). You'll feel very silly that you were ever this upset.

Manwaithiel · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_kicked-out-pregnant-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a2e59173-01e0-44f5-86aa-838e6bb8a003Post:bc3ab842-d4ef-4e68-9439-a6bb2ee0205a">Re: kicked out pregnant bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: kicked out pregnant bridesmaid : um, i am not planning my own bachelorette party. but nice try, finding another reason to crucify me. you guys are certainly a very warm and welcoming crew now aren't you. what do a bunch of brides have to be so angry about? i tell my short little story, and receive nothing but all of you telling me that i'm wrong and malicious? isn't this supposed to be a place to VENT and have friendly discussions about weddings/feelings, and not be name called? hey, people, it's FRIDAY. smile and stop picking on someone who only came here to share something she feels like she couldn't share with anyone else in her life. successful job at making her feel like an awful human being. and AGAIN (addressing a recent post above this one), I AM NOT KICKING HER OUT OF MY WEDDING. I HAVENT EVEN TALKED TO HER ABOUT IT. I HAVENT TALKED TO ANYONE ABOUT IT. i'm peacing out, this place sure is something. i've learned my lesson. buncha piranhas. good luck, diybridemama. best of luck to you.
Posted by caitybug02[/QUOTE]

There's probably a reason for that.

butterflyroy78 · December 2010

This is a hard situation. I would be beyond hurt if I were you. I would say, if you know this is not her normal behavior, maybe go to the wedding as a regular guest. I would not purchase a special dress nor help at all with set up, though. As far as your wedding goes, don't make any hastey decisions. You may regret it later. I am getting married next year and my FSIL will likely be pregnant (She is in the process now) and I couldn't be happier for her! As long as she plans accordingly for her dress, it really doesn't bother me. I mean, I have bridesmaids of all shapes and sizes! I love them regaurdless and want them standing with me! Good luck!

jandamathews · December 2010

I just goes to show how immature she is. You share your feeling with her that she hurt you and she turns it all around, putting it back on your shoulders and making it your fault. I'm sorry, but that is NOT a friend. I wouldn't even continue on with her in this argument. She's going to start demanding your attention becasue she feels guilty but won't own up to it. Don't even give her the time of day, no matter how tempting it is. I would only resond in the slightest if she were truly appologetic AND wanted to make things right.

mholtbro · December 2010

Wow, I know that I am echoing a lot of sentiments that have already been expressed, but I stand firm in the belief that your friend is a jerk! While I agree that there are always two sides to every story, it's pretty obvious that this bride is only concerned about the attention she is receiving.

And btw... an attention belly?? Last time I checked, pregnancy was a blessed but totally normal thing. Now, if your fetus can set off fireworks and a musical production, yeah I'd be worried about you stealing the stage... but other than that, I think she is being ridiculous.

Also, it is clear that she is not worried about your health. Standing up for your friend as her MOH is definitely less stressful than being a waitress for the evening, on your feet for the entire reception!

I would tell her that since she is so worried about your health that there is no reason for your to fly across the country and wear yourself out.

Manwaithiel · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_kicked-out-pregnant-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a2e59173-01e0-44f5-86aa-838e6bb8a003Post:938aae10-0ca3-4f08-9f2e-a83ad413fb50">Re: kicked out pregnant bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow, I know that I am echoing a lot of sentiments that have already been expressed, but I stand firm in the belief that your friend is a jerk! While I agree that there are always two sides to every story, it's pretty obvious that this bride is only concerned about the attention she is receiving. And btw... an attention belly?? Last time I checked, pregnancy was a blessed but totally normal thing. Now, if your fetus can set off fireworks and a musical production, yeah I'd be worried about you stealing the stage... but other than that, I think she is being ridiculous. Also, it is clear that she is not worried about your health. Standing up for your friend as her MOH is definitely less stressful than being a waitress for the evening, on your feet for the entire reception! I would tell her that since she is so worried about your health that there is no reason for your to fly across the country and wear yourself out.
Posted by mholtbro[/QUOTE]

Kind of like Katy Perry's "Firework" music video =P

SuperBusyBride · December 2010

To Manwaithiel:

And I like YOU, fellow bride with common sense and logic!

[Deleted User] · December 2010

Honey, I'm so sorry. If I were in your shoes, I'd be thinking the same thing.

If she wants her friends standing beside her, it shouldn't matter what size/shape/color/pregnancy status they are. If she's picking people based on having a bunch of matching girls in exactly the same size dress, she's not a real friend.

Sarahsue1684 · December 2010

My SIL will be pregnant for my bachelorette party and she is excited to come on out, granted we are not going out to the bars but we will be renting a cabin and hanging on the lake. If she wasnt wanting to I would understand because she is about to have a baby. I would never be mad at someone who is trying to start a family or build there family. Hopefully everything works out. You think being such good friends you would be happy for her. I would. I dont think its anything to get stressed out about so she's pregnant big deal everyone is living there own life.

butterflykisses11907 · December 2010

One of my bridesmaids already told me she and her husband will be trying for their first come May. This makes me excited!! Yes she could possibly be 6 months pregnant at my November wedding but I think that would be fun!! I'm more excited about my best friend being pregnant than I am concerned how it will look or take away from me! The only thing I'm concerned about is finding a dress for her to be comfortable in! Lol Granted she won't be that big but I would still feel the same way if she were 7.5 months along. MY reaction is the right one, not hers. She is being very selfish and not looking at the big picture here. Yes she may be very stressed and maybe she needs to clear that big head she's getting! I don't agree with everyone else saying she's showing her true colors. We all have bad sides and they can all show when triggered the right way...she's just showing her bad side! I agree with one poster who said to make a lunch date to talk about things. I do agree with one person said about showing up just as a guest (not her slave) because you don't necessarily want to burn bridges...if she does that's her prerogative. Don't stoop to her level. As for paying for her photographer...did we really read that right?! Wow. If my friend was doing that for me I would never even THINK to treat her how you're being treated!! Also, I probably wouldn't let my friend pay for something that expensive in the dirt place but... About that situation, I would let her know you're not paying for anymore and she will need to figure out a payment plan or something. If she can't give you the honor of being MOH then you can't give her photography!! As far as her being your MOH I def agree to wait and see how it all pans out!! I wish you nothing but the best...I hope everything works out for you guys!!

tidetravel · December 2010

You new people that haven't "peaced out" can stay. I approve.

bablingbrooke · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_kicked-out-pregnant-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a2e59173-01e0-44f5-86aa-838e6bb8a003Post:9e75795b-f9be-4951-826c-915c27135c10">Re: kicked out pregnant bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]You new people that haven't "peaced out" can stay. I approve.
Posted by tidetravel[/QUOTE]
Ditto. It's refreshing to see new posters who aren't BSC and have some perspective about the wedding. Very refreshing. Welcome.

Manwaithiel · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_kicked-out-pregnant-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a2e59173-01e0-44f5-86aa-838e6bb8a003Post:dffc0d6c-3331-4218-ae22-4449cabcd376">Re: kicked out pregnant bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]To Manwaithiel: And I like YOU, fellow bride with common sense and logic!
Posted by SuperBusyBride[/QUOTE]

Most of the time =)

Please play with us WP Board peeps more often. We'd love to have you.

SuperBusyBride · December 2010

What exactly is BSC?

bablingbrooke · December 2010

BSC = batshitcrazy. Like people who kick out BMs for being pregnant or think their wedding stands or falls on a pregnant BM being unable to get wasted at the bach party, for example...

InATizzy1601 · December 2010

This is the first time I've come on here and not wanted to curl up and cry. I think I'll stay! I like you ladies!

It's refreshing to see women on here that don't feel entired to alienate and basically run their loved ones lives because of one day!

Thanks ladies!

anitabonita12 · December 2010

Look, I think you should not even consider her to be your MOH. That is the one person that will help you through everything and not bring you down. I don't know how long you have been friends for, but it sounds like you don't mean that much to her. She was extremely rude and tried to turned things on you again after you sent her that email. The email was not out of line AT ALL, you have the right to complain to her, so don't feel bad that " you hurt her feelings" with your email, because she is doing more hurting to you. Enjoy your pregnancy, and not let anyone tell you that you can't stand there. I would not even be a BM after this. Some women become truly bridezillas, i don't get it, is just a wedding, a rite of passage that the media and stores try to trick us. They let us think that we need all these expensive stuff. Be strong and reject this "friendship" How is she gonna be with your kids?

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