Things you shouldn't register for...

TheRapps · October 2010

I definitely think registering for a Honeymoon should be okay - ESPECIALLY if you can work it out so that people can buy individual items (like a breakfast, or a massage). I think that'd be really sweet, and people would know you were thinking of them and appreciating them on your honeymoon. My husband and I cut a TON out of our wedding to afford our honeymoon, and it's a little disappointing, actually. We decided just not to have a registry, and it ended up that almost everyone just gave us cash, so we ended up paying off half the cost of the wedding from the gifts. So, in our budget (since I never plan to take gifts into consideration as income), we could have had a better reception area (we did it in an indoor pavilion in a park) or real food (we ordered meat but our moms cooked the sides) or something else. I don't regret my wedding day, but if I could go back, I would do some things differently. I vote for asking for what you want TOGETHER as a couple - and if you want a honeymoon, go for it

MrsMoral2b · October 2010

Why not register for honeymoon? I'm just asking for practical advice here. I actually recently received an email from TheKnot.com partner advertising a honeymoon registry. My fiance is 42 and I am 30. We've both maintained our own households for many years now, and don't need anything as far as kitchen accessories or linens. Also, this is my second marriage. I'd like to tell people not to buy us anything, but then we'd end up with a bunch stuff we don't necessarily like or need b/c people woud buy anyway. We thought registering our honeymoon would be a great idea! I have a 9 year old, so time away by ourselves would be wonderful. GiftRegistry360.com has Travelocity gift cards for which a couple can register. So can someone tell me why it's inappropriate to register a honeymoon before I make a fool of myself? Advice is much appreciated!

caseywalton1987 · October 2010

Why is in wrong to ask for money? What if you really don't have a lot of money or are able to save up a lot of money for the honeymoon? It's not okay to just not have a registry and if people ask parents they cant say on well they could use money for the honeymoon.

YoungNY · October 2010

Personally, I think it is ridiculous to register for things you don't need just because it is socially acceptable or "normal". A registry is supposed to be a list of things the bride and groom will need/want to start a new life together. No one needs expensive chna or new coffee marker when they already have a prefectly good one. And asking your guests to buy you upgrades you don't need when there are unconventional things you really do need, is just wasteful. We want a good camera to take on the honeymoon and a video camera for the ceremony. We need a new tv and entertainment set, a new mattress and a few kitchen things. We're doing the Disney Cruise for our honeymoon so we plan on using the Disney Honeymoon Registry. Our rule is we get one fantasy item each and the rest must be things we would buy ourselves. If our guests would rather not buy the things on our registry then that's fine, but I refuse to register for things I don't need or want.

mfroeba · October 2010

Wow. Will you marry me?!

jcamm11 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_things-shouldnt-register?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:d70740b0-5741-4ea3-9a1f-4ef75c3cd907Post:1b9d2538-0c20-41e2-835b-4ac6b2056537">Re: Things you shouldn't register for...</a>:
[QUOTE]Why is in wrong to ask for money? What if you really don't have a lot of money or are able to save up a lot of money for the honeymoon? It's not okay to just not have a registry and if people ask parents they cant say on well they could use money for the honeymoon.
Posted by caseywalton1987[/QUOTE]

That is perfectly fine - exactly the way to go about it. Why? Because people are approaching your family, saying they would like to give you a gift, and asking what you would like. There's nothing wrong with answering that question. Just don't put the cart before the horse and state your preference for cash on the invites.
It says to your guests you expect them to give a gift, and you assume their choice will not be good enough.

bethanyraeWed134550 · October 2010

All of the "modern-day" registry lists (that I get from muliple wedding websites) say this is absolutely appropriate to have your guests put $ towards a honeymoon. Because so many couples live together already, why not put it towards something you REALLY need? I've read many articles where ppl register for honeymoons, grills, flatscreens, and PlayStations. I certainly don't need any nonstick cookie sheets and measuring spoons. Our registries are a mix of traditional and modern. If someone can't afford an item, then give us a giftcard and we'll get it ourselves. But why not try? I don't think it's being greedy. It's custom to basically "ask" for gifts for your wedding shower. I know we're all struggling in some way in this economy, so if you want something, your wedding shower is your best bet to getting it before having to buy it yourself!

It's your day/life. Get whatever works for you!

kimandvince11 · October 2010

As long as it is for the house, i say register for whatever you need... furniture included!

RozandAnthony · October 2010

I thought my brother and sis-in-law were crazy registering for mountain bikes...and they were! Nobody bought two $300 mountain bikes for them! But, also, no one was offended that they registered for them. A registry isn't a "must-buy" list. It's a suggestion only. I'm sure that for every gift a couple receives that was not on the their registry, they have one registry gift that had "What are they thinking???" all over it.

~Can't wait to be a Strand!

exzylen · October 2010

At our engagement party most of the guests gave us cash or gift cards, but wrote in the card that they'd like to know what we spent the money on.

For the wedding we have created a registry that just lists items (not attached to a particular store) So e.g, we've said a BBQ. But on the website there is an option for 'contribute' to the gift. So if they want to help us get the BBQ they just say they want to contribute (and now much) to that and they can either give us the money in an envelope (and say thats what they've contributed to in the envelope) or there is an option to deposit into out account (we'd prefer the envelope option, but we have some family/friends that said they'd prefer the transfer option) Other guests can see that there is say $100 left to the BBQ goal and then they aren't forced to buy one big gift (as my fiance and i have been living together for two years, so we have most of the house stuff we need).
But the guest also has the option of 'contribute all' and there is enough information there about the style of BBQ we'd like, that they could go out and get it with a group of friends or if they are generous, by themselves.

If an item doesn't get the full contribution needed, we are willing to pay what is left and get the item ourselves.

This is the site we've used www.ouronlineregistry.com

Hope that gives some people an idea of what to do who are after slightly more expensive gifts.

klablanc18 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_things-shouldnt-register?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:d70740b0-5741-4ea3-9a1f-4ef75c3cd907Post:c1c0cbb9-c282-4011-bf3e-139bfdccb215">Re: Things you shouldn't register for...</a>:
[QUOTE]You should really be ashamed of yourself for one giving someone a $25 gift card for their wedding and then tell people on this blog you did so. If you can't afford to go to a wedding don't go and just send a card with a minimum of $50 along with it. Wow, I would never even spend less then $40 on a shower gift. All you did by doing that was give that bride and groom full range to drag your name though the mud and forever be known as their "Cheapest Friends Ever".
Posted by kornfugate1[/QUOTE]

Wow, and you thought cheap people were rude? How about you being rude for assuming that everyone has a money tree in their backyard and can just pop out $50 or more on a whim? The food for my wedding is going to be under $20 per person anyways. I am getting married in March, and I would be more than happy to get a $25 gift card. That's $25 less of my own money that I would have to spend on something. That frees up that $25 for a credit card payment, groceries, gas for my car to get me to my meager job, or a little splurge on something for my FI. I am sorry that not everyone has your disposable funds, but I am even more sorry that you would burden some couple with that attitude at what is supposed to be a celebration of them, not a celebration of your pocketbook.

michiru777 · October 2010

I agree with Queebers. I prefer to receive or give money. Almost ALL the weddings I've been to ask for money nicely on an enclosure card in the invite. I think I've NEVER been on a wedding where they have registry. I only see it for baby showers. Maybe its Puerto Rico.... but it is the custom here. Not everyone has the time or money to spend a predetermined amount of money on something you chose. I think its better to just give the couple 100 or 200 (or a 20 depending on your status haha) with a nice card and be DONE WITH IT! I personally prefer it cause I dont like people buying things for me.... or a registry!! Whats the element of surprise there?!?! What am I gonna say: "OH I LOVE WHAT YOU BOUGHT ME!!" (OBVIOUSLY cause I choose it.. duh!). And if it isn't something I chose, and I dont like it.... I won't have the heart to return it.

I was going to use a Bed, bath and beyond registry, I scanned a lot of things....but after months thinking it through.... Bed, bath and beyond its EXPENSIVE!!! You see stuff in there that you can get million times cheaper somewhere else!!! I have family with money as well as family without..... but after having a rough economic experience this year, I learned the value of money. I love Walmart..... and I can get EVERYTHING THERE with very little money..... but I'm scared it will make my invite look CHEAP (I'm high maintenance... I know!).

After the opinions of many friends and family, I opted out to just GO WITH TRADITION and ask for money. Its easier, faster and everybody is used to it here. I won't bother people to go to a store and buy something for me... cause I personally wouldn't want to do that either. I DIDN'T know it was a NO NO for Americans. Money is not EVIL!!! hahaha

jcamm11 · October 2010

You should really be ashamed of yourself for one giving someone a $25 gift card for their wedding and then tell people on this blog you did so. If you can't afford to go to a wedding don't go and just send a card with a minimum of $50 along with it. Wow, I would never even spend less then $40 on a shower gift. All you did by doing that was give that bride and groom full range to drag your name though the mud and forever be known as their "Cheapest Friends Ever".
Posted by kornfugate1

If you can't afford to have a wedding without counting on your gifts to off-set it, maybe you shouldn't have one!

BTW, I am having a wedding on the moon next Saturday, and you're invited. Since I'm sure you can't afford the space shuttle, you can send my $50 at your earliest convenience.

PetiteCabbage · October 2010

Yikes. Some of these people are unbelievable. Shame on the elitist person who started this thread. It is absolutely appropriate to register for WHATEVER you want. Of course registering for a honeymoon is appropriate; thus sites like "the honeyfund." Some of us simply aren't as greedy and materialistic as others, I guess, and would appreciate to give or receive an actual lived opportunity to experience together instead of a toaster.

magnolia3062 · October 2010

A lot of couples I know that have recently gotten married did set up bank accounts for guests to make deposits into, yes they had real registries as well but typically not much. Thats because they were already living together and had most things they needed, like many couples today, and had little to no help paying for the wedding. I think this is just a modern way of doing things and is completely acceptable.

ramsnwranglers · October 2010

i think a Wii is a great idea if you will play together

shori140 · October 2010

I don't think its bad to register for a honeymoon. some people do not get the chance to get away and i think after a wedding you sometimes need to relax and get away just the two of you. if it was so wrong then the travel stores and other places would not offer it. I have been to a few weddings where people have put money towards it. Especially if the couple already has a house, because they sometimes do not really need anymore things for it.

luciatobe · October 2010

It's your registry, you can register for whatever you want. If you want a wii that both of you will be playing on go for it. I will definitely be registering fo rmy honeymoon, seeing that we also have mostly everything we need. I also laugh at some of the items on the registry like the tampons and cigs, but if that's what you need, go for it.

salsacouple33 · October 2010

I disagree on the honeymoon... Although I don't think you should expect someone to pay for the entire honeymoon... there are great honeymoon registries out there like www.honeyfund.com, where couples can create their own list of items guests might like to purchase for their honeymoon - like a massage, or dinner on the beach, or snorkeling. You can also set it up where people can give you money towards your trip, such as $100 toward the cost of your flight, or $50 for spending.

I think for couples like us, this was a perfect idea because we've been living together for years, and have an established home, with the items we love, and need. Having someone buy an extra blender, or mixing bowls is not something my friends should waste their money on - get something the couple will appreciate.

xxamberzenergyxx · October 2010

I agree... My fiance and I are doing a honeymoon registry, and a normal one from target or something like that... that way if people want to give us funds towards our honeymoon, awesome, because otherwise, as you said, we won't get to go on one, but if they dont like the idea of donating to the honeymoon, we will have the usual blender, pillows, dishes, etc on the normal gift registry.

tbonnell · October 2010

Now, I can honestly say I did not read every comment posted, but I do not feel that the comments I did read were exactly helpful for a bride and groom when registering. To me, the registry isn't about trying to impress your friends by being traditional. When you register, you need to keep in mind what you and your fiance need. Whatever it is! Now, I agree you should keep your guests in mind when registering for expensive items. For me, 80% of my guests are close family who traditionally fish out more money for gifts. However, my fiance and I decided that when we registered, we wouldn't register for anything that is not near the price we would pay ourselves. Of course, we did splurge by asking for an expensive vaccum, and pots and pans, with the idea in mind that if someone is willing and able to spend the money, we will be greatful!

I guess my only advice, which is also the best advice I was given, was to not register for anything you don't need, because you will get that item instead of those pots and pans you needed.

Just be realistic for your situation and keep the type of guests you are inviting in mind.

tbonnell · October 2010

Another tip,
When I was building my registry, I went to multiple places and selected everything I needed. Most stores have a place online you can view/edit/add to your registry. I printed everything off, and compaired prices, quality, and consumer comments on the items I chose. I felt that through this tactic, I was able to offer my guests the best price, as well as ensure that I was registering for a quality product. Of course this took time, which is another reason I suggest people register for items early (even if you do get critiques about how you will change your mind) If you do, then you can change your registry!

Boomkin · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_things-shouldnt-register?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:d70740b0-5741-4ea3-9a1f-4ef75c3cd907Post:d689f4b1-8a4d-4a17-8de3-7a0efde7279f">Re: Things you shouldn't register for...</a>:
[QUOTE]I've seen registries with video games, DVDs, and computer equipment, and all of that really turned me off. I'd be happy to buy newly married friends something that they will both use, but the DVD of "I Love You, Man," or a 25-foot HDMI cable? Not so much. As for registering for expensive items, some stores give you a discount on registry items that you didn't get after the wedding. Which is why we _did_ register for more pricey things we'd love to have. I figure we've got it out there if people want to buy them for us. If we don't and we just get money/gift cards, we've got a discount on them coming. Win-win. Although I couldn't bring myself to register for any expensive sets of things. I know for a fact nobody will spend $700 on our wedding gift in one go. Everything that comes in a set, from china to pots and pans, we registered for piece by piece. If anyone wants to get us the entire set, they can save money. Piece by piece is less sticker shock, and I think we've got a better chance of getting things like full place settings of our china pattern that way.
Posted by islandblonde[/QUOTE]

My fiance is an Information Assurance major, and I am working on multiple degrees within Library and Information Services. He does programming and design at home and I catalog, teach computer classes, and am starting up an online business. I also work part-time at a video game store. Video games and computer equipment would be VERY useful to both of us.

raposner · October 2010

Basically, all registry is asking people to buy you stuff, but why should that "stuff" have to be platters? If we peel back the reasons behind the traditional registry, we find that it doesn't make sense for everyone, and is as greedy in its own way as any other kind of registry.

I'm not sure why it would be considered "okay" to register for a bunch of kitchenware that no one really needs, meaning ask other people to stock one's kitchen with indulgent items, but "not okay" to register for a once-in-a-lifetime honeymoon to solidify one's marriage, the memories of which will last forever.

When one marries a bit later in life, one already has pots, pans, blenders, etc. So guests would be wasting their money on those items, just to satisfy tradition.

Honeyfund is a great website for honeymoon registry, and we would much rather keep our memories forever than get a set of wine goblets that can break into a million pieces.

Live and let live, right?

brittcard · October 2010

Not to be rude, but it sounds like some people on here are REALLY getting their panties in a twist over "rules" and what looks good. But onto my question:

What do you do if you live in an extremely small apartment and are about to move 6 months after the wedding? We are leaving almost everything here, but we have no idea what kind of house we'll buy or appliances we'll need until we sort through all of the 'combined' stuff. I feel like you have to be in a certain place in life to know what you really need for a registry, and we arn't right now. And we have no storage. So our plan is similar to the advice above (from "Qeebers")- register for a few items we know we need, and hopefully the rest of people will go for gift cards or cash. We just arn't that worried about it.

jc3music · October 2010

It really isn't necessary to give a gift at all. Especially if you can't afford anything. A beartiful card should be enough. It is a nice gesture to help the newlyweds on their new life together, however. Just don't give them something you got for a gift and didn't want. If you, please remember to take the previous gift card out of the box.

B2B39 · October 2010

By the way it never stops being the couples day! Whether they decide to invite 500 people or go to city hall by themselves it is always about the couple and the start of their lives together. I agree with most of the logical people posting here. Register for the things you need. Register at multiple places with various price points so guests can feel comfortable in a store buying an item they know you need within their budget. Your guests are probably grown ups. They are likely even capable of making their own choices.

ashdawn684 · October 2010

Me and my FH were invited to a bridal shower for his cousins FW. Obvously he didnt want to go, so i got stuck going. It was this girls like third marriage. On her registry she had sheets for her 9 year old son, they were twin size camo sheets obviously not for them. A basketbll goal, sports wall paper. undrstand it is up to the bride and groom to register for things, but I dont think you should register for kids stuff. I have a 5 year old daughter and I wont be registering anything for her

Stephanierwood · October 2010

I also agree that there is nothing wrong with registering for a vacation. It fits most of people's "rules" of registering. It is something that the bride and groom will benefit from, it isn't furniture, bras, or cigarettes, and there are different options for people with all price points. I don't know how someone could really go wrong with that... Some people are spending all of their money on their wedding and want a honeymoon. That's our plan!

LinZ3214 · October 2010

I think a couple should be able to register for whatver they want. In the case of your friends wedding, why shouldn't they be allowed to register for nice things just because they are young? People will often surprise you on what they are willing and able to spend on you for your big day. If it's not in your budget to spend a lot, I'm sure it's not something they hold against you and your presence if gift enough, but don't begrudge them for the nice things they want. They didn't ask you to buy it.

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