They all have permits, but background checks don't cover stupidity. I don't think they'd get violent (not sure why I mentioned their temper in the first place, now that I think about it), but I wouldn't be surprised if they wanted to take it off in order to dance or something. I know it's also an option not to invite them in the first place, but hey, they're his family and it would be nice if they were there. Ah well, we have a few years to save for a DW.
This is seriously so simple. Think of it the same way as a non-smoking reception. Is it legal? Yes. Is it dangerous to bystanders? Yes. Is it rude to ask people to refrain from it? No.
Ok, but how would you do it? Would you just use word of mouth or put it on a reception card?
I'm sure you've already talked about this, but make sure youre VERY clear with FI what your expectation are for when your married (and ESPECIALLY when you have kids). Can his family bring the guns in your house? Can he have his gun out? Does it have to be an a gun safe? Ect. Ect.
A few people in my FIs family have guns around (and potentially someday someone in my family could), and I've already made it very clear that my kids (someday lol) will not be staying at those houses without either myself or my FI present at all times.
This is seriously so simple. Think of it the same way as a non-smoking reception. Is it legal? Yes. Is it dangerous to bystanders? Yes. Is it rude to ask people to refrain from it? No.
Ok, but how would you do it? Would you just use word of mouth or put it on a reception card?
I'd do it the same way as a smoking ban: let the venue handle it and if you think there's a particular relative who will be very effected by it, give them a heads up. "Hey Uncle Shootemup, just so you know the venue is a gun free zone. If they see you with a gun they'll ask you to put the gun in the car or leave." Or just say nothing, hire security, and let them handle it.
You might need to be careful with that, since I don't know your state gun laws, but I'm pretty sure around here the only buildings that can enforce a no guns policy are government buildings and schools. If you met at college, a wedding in the college auditorium or chapel could be really sweet and make this a non-issue for you.
If you request no guns, you'll risk getting off to a bad start with his family.
You can request it, but be prepared if people don't show or if they conceal carry. Most of my police friends will not go anywhere that they cannot carry. But then again, they are logical with their carrying and the average person on the street wouldn't even know.
I know in a lot of states, guns are not allowed in venues where a certain percentage of revenue comes from liquor sales. I wonder if your state & venue fall into this category. I think here it's 50%. If 50% or more of the revenue comes from alcohol, guns are not allowed.
Even in very gun friendly Nevada, it is illegal to drink while carrying. Or at least that's the sense I got when my best friend's boyfriend called her from jail to bail his ass out after getting sloshy at a casino and twirling his gun around in the open.
Etiquette-wise it's fine. But just like requesting guests not smoke, there will be a few stubborn people who will do it, anyway. I remember when NY stopped allowing smoking in public places. A lot of people complained about how their rights were being taken away.
If these people are crazy, they might bring their guns, anyway, even if it's just to prove they legally can.
I've been worrying about a lot of family-related wedding things lately, but thankfully Canada has made this worry essentially non-existant.
OP, I would definitely pick a venue where guns aren't allowed. I'm also very uncomfortable around guns and even the idea of your average Joe being able to own a gun and conceal & carry (probably due to that whole "Canada" thing), so I can understand your feelings about this.
You're extremely anti-gun, and he carries? You have bigger things to work out than wedding planning.
I recognize that this is a big issue, but we have talked about it many times. People can have different beliefs and still share a life together. My parents have been happily married for 44 years, and they have clashing views on a ton of stuff.
I may not like it, but my BF is respectful and responsible. He knows my parents don't like it either, so he leaves it secured in the car when we visit them. He also does that if he knows kids will be around. He keeps it in a locked box stored in a safe. He even sat me down and showed me how to handle it, dismantle it, and how to use it to be more comfortable with it. I don't trust his boneheaded family, but I trust him.
Wow....I didn't even know this could be on the list of concerns for a wedding, but since I'm not really in many social/family circles where people own/carry guns, maybe that's why.
Can we just back up one second here so I can ask something: Even if you have a permit or are by law allowed to carry/have/conceal a weapon....can somebody please explain to me what on EARTH you could possibly need to have one on you at a wedding for??? That's the part about this conversation that's boggling me a bit here...
To that end, if you don't want guns at your reception, ask people to check them at home/the door. If they cannot do that, don't come. Period. We're not talking about not wearing a certain type of clothing or shoe here: we're talking about a weapon that can have lethal (see: "deadly," "life ending") consequences, intentional or otherwise. To me, that's not even a discussion, but that's just me I guess.
You're extremely anti-gun, and he carries? You have bigger things to work out than wedding planning.
I recognize that this is a big issue, but we have talked about it many times. People can have different beliefs and still share a life together. My parents have been happily married for 44 years, and they have clashing views on a ton of stuff.
I may not like it, but my BF is respectful and responsible. He knows my parents don't like it either, so he leaves it secured in the car when we visit them. He also does that if he knows kids will be around. He keeps it in a locked box stored in a safe. He even sat me down and showed me how to handle it, dismantle it, and how to use it to be more comfortable with it. I don't trust his boneheaded family, but I trust him.
The comment responded to was judgmental and not etiquette related
Can we just back up one second here so I can ask something: Even if you have a permit or are by law allowed to carry/have/conceal a weapon....can somebody please explain to me what on EARTH you could possibly need to have one on you at a wedding for??? That's the part about this conversation that's boggling me a bit here...
Yeah, I don't think there's ever a need to have a gun at a wedding. They just carry one wherever they go, no matter what the occasion is. There's no reason for it, they just do it because they can. I don't understand it.
This is seriously so simple. Think of it the same way as a non-smoking reception. Is it legal? Yes. Is it dangerous to bystanders? Yes. Is it rude to ask people to refrain from it? No.
I disagree. Can you go so far as to ask the people who smoke to leave the pack of cigarettes in their car or at home and not carry it in their pocket? No. Just because they aren't using it doesn't mean they can't carry it.
Honestly OP, I think you are over reacting. First of all if you're not getting married for a "couple of years" I really don't think this is something to stress about now. Secondly, I don't know the people you know and I'm trying to believe what you say, but I'm skeptical about the lack of responsibility you claim these people have. I know A LOT of gun owners, and we are some as well, and any gun that is a semi automatic weapon (meaning you have to pull the trigger each time in a row) which is most handguns - you need a background check for to even have, and take safety courses. THEN if you want a carry permit, you need even more hoops to jump through. I just don't see *Most* people who go through all this to obtain guns legally for the purpose of self protection being all LA DEE DA lets just throw our guns on the table and see which kid wants to play with it first. If you are that concerned about it, don't invite these certain people, or as a PP said - have a dry reception.
But in reality, I think most people would be responsible at a wedding with their weapon in the holster and locked as most people do on a regular basis at any outing. It's not your place to tell them not to bring them. However, you CAN check if your venue prohibits it, and then pass the word around. But agree with PP, you shouldn't lie if that's not truly the case.
I'm not stressing, I'm just curious and wanted to get some input. I'm not actually planning for a wedding 3 years in advance.
I agree that most people would probably be responsible with their guns at a wedding, but it sounds like OP has legitimate reason to worry about these people in particular.
OP, unless you have a home church or something you want to be married in, I would actually look at venues in Canada. Semi-destination just a few hours away, and the issue is off the table. If you are married in the states, I would say something or pick a gun-free venue and hire security. Be prepared that his family will be offended, but I see this as a safety issue. I have a couple of good friends that frequently carry, but they never touch alcohol while doing so.
(Full disclosure-I'm not anti-gun but from a pretty restrictive state and don't know a ton about them)
I agree that the wedding isn't nearly as big an issue as what you will do if/when you have children and grandma and grandpa and Uncle Bill want to take care of them without you. Example: my father-in-law disciplined my H in a way I don't agree with while growing up (an open palm to the face or head). I've made it very clear to H that if/when we have kids he needs to have that conversation with his father. Because if my children are disciplined that way then they will no longer be visiting their grandparents without us. It's non-negotiable. If that's how you feel about this situation, you need to start thinking.
Getting married in Canada is the easy solution to this. Like PP mentioned you can also get married in a location where they are forced to fly and go through TSA. Or you can pay close attention and see how much of this perception is actually irresponsible behavior and how much of it is your personal fear of guns. I'm not saying you're lying but you may be overly sensitive to seeing guns out in the open just in general and that translates to guns being "thrown around." Like PPs who know many people who carry I sort of find this unfathomable... I grew up in an area where the teenage boys brought shotguns to school in the bed of their trucks because they were going hunting afterwards. And the "gun free school zone" was cool with that. I learned to use both a handgun and a shotgun at a young age, mostly because a lot of people around me owned them and my parents didn't want me to be unsafe if I was near one. My point is - if his family is really, objectively unsafe with their weapons, then you need to steer clear and figure out how to navigate the rest of your life with them going forward. But if you are exaggerating because guns scare you and you don't like them generally, keep thinking about your own words here, that people can have different viewpoints on issues while maintaining a healthy relationship, and respect their preference.
Does anyone else think it's rude to bring a gun to a hosted event? If you carry for protection, bringing it to my wedding implies you'll need protection because I'm a bad host who won't be having a safe wedding? Not sure how I feel about that, just thinking on it.
This is seriously so simple. Think of it the same way as a non-smoking reception. Is it legal? Yes. Is it dangerous to bystanders? Yes. Is it rude to ask people to refrain from it? No.
I disagree. Can you go so far as to ask the people who smoke to leave the pack of cigarettes in their car or at home and not carry it in their pocket? No. Just because they aren't using it doesn't mean they can't carry it.
Honestly OP, I think you are overreacting. First of all if you're not getting married for a "couple of years" I really don't think this is something to stress about now. Not saying you couldn't ask the question, because I know I ask things way in advance too. I'm just saying, you have time to think about this. The people you want to invite may change or those particular people may not carry their weapons as much anymore. Secondly, I don't know the people you know and I'm trying to believe what you say, but I'm skeptical about the lack of responsibility you claim these people have. I know A LOT of gun owners, and we are some as well, and any gun that is a semi automatic weapon (meaning you have to pull the trigger each time in a row) which is most handguns - you need a background check for to even have, and take safety courses. THEN if you want a carry permit, you need even more hoops to jump through. I just don't see *Most* people who go through all this to obtain guns legally for the purpose of self protection being all LA DEE DA lets just throw our guns on the table and see which kid wants to play with it first. If you are that concerned about it, don't invite these certain people, or as a PP said - have a dry reception.
But in reality, I think most people would be responsible at a wedding with their weapon in the holster and locked as most people do on a regular basis at any outing. It's not your place to tell them not to bring them. However, you CAN check if your venue prohibits it, and then pass the word around. But agree with PP, you shouldn't lie if that's not truly the case.
I have to disagree with a few things here.
1. No, having a gun does not require a background check. On the federal level, some gun sales require a background check, but not even all gun sales require background checks. There are plenty of legal ways to acquire a firearm that do not require a background check. Private (person to person) gun sales are one way and gun shows are another.
2. Yes, many states require a permit to carry, but not all of them do. I believe OP stated that her state has open carry laws, which means that a permit is not required to carry.
3. Gun owners are people. Just like any other group of people there are responsible ones and irresponsible ones. Based on the people I know that are gun owners, I would guess that the majority of gun owners are responsible. That doesn't mean ALL gun owners are responsible. Just look up statistics on accidental gun deaths each year that could have been easily prevented (think of all the stories about children getting ahold of guns and accidentally killing someone or themselves).
4. OP has witnessed these people being irresponsible gun owners. So, yes, even though most gun owners would not leave a gun lying around on a table with children around, OP knows these people do! The argument that "well most gun owners wouldn't do that," is like saying "most people are responsible drinkers that don't drink and drive." It's true, but if you are dealing with people you know drink and drive frequently, knowing that most people don't doesn't alleviate your concerns.
5. I agree with other posters. I think there are a few ways for OP to prevent this problem. Have the wedding in Canada or another state with stricter gun laws. Or have a destination wedding which requires traveling through TSA. Or pick a venue that doesn't allow firearms. The last option is probably the least likely to guarantee that no one will bring a gun though unless you plan on having your guests patted down or walk through a metal detector on the way in. As such, if you do select a venue that doesn't allow firearms, I would still suggest hiring security.
Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
This is seriously so simple. Think of it the same way as a non-smoking reception. Is it legal? Yes. Is it dangerous to bystanders? Yes. Is it rude to ask people to refrain from it? No.
I disagree. Can you go so far as to ask the people who smoke to leave the pack of cigarettes in their car or at home and not carry it in their pocket? No. Just because they aren't using it doesn't mean they can't carry it.
Honestly OP, I think you are overreacting. First of all if you're not getting married for a "couple of years" I really don't think this is something to stress about now. Not saying you couldn't ask the question, because I know I ask things way in advance too. I'm just saying, you have time to think about this. The people you want to invite may change or those particular people may not carry their weapons as much anymore. Secondly, I don't know the people you know and I'm trying to believe what you say, but I'm skeptical about the lack of responsibility you claim these people have. I know A LOT of gun owners, and we are some as well, and any gun that is a semi automatic weapon (meaning you have to pull the trigger each time in a row) which is most handguns - you need a background check for to even have, and take safety courses. THEN if you want a carry permit, you need even more hoops to jump through. I just don't see *Most* people who go through all this to obtain guns legally for the purpose of self protection being all LA DEE DA lets just throw our guns on the table and see which kid wants to play with it first. If you are that concerned about it, don't invite these certain people, or as a PP said - have a dry reception.
But in reality, I think most people would be responsible at a wedding with their weapon in the holster and locked as most people do on a regular basis at any outing. It's not your place to tell them not to bring them. However, you CAN check if your venue prohibits it, and then pass the word around. But agree with PP, you shouldn't lie if that's not truly the case.
Respectfully, there is a huge difference between carrying a pack of cigarettes around and carrying a gun. No one accidentally kills a 5 year old because they were merely carrying a pack of cigarettes. Accidents where guns--that are supposed to have a safety on--go off by mistake happen all the time. It is a daily occurrence in the US.
Re: Can I request a gun-free wedding?
SaveSave
Fatty Blog
"If you choose to bring a gun, please get the couple two gifts to compensate for potentially making the bride nervous."
Fatty Blog
You might need to be careful with that, since I don't know your state gun laws, but I'm pretty sure around here the only buildings that can enforce a no guns policy are government buildings and schools. If you met at college, a wedding in the college auditorium or chapel could be really sweet and make this a non-issue for you.
If you request no guns, you'll risk getting off to a bad start with his family.
SaveSave
One more vote for a destination wedding!
Previously Alaynajuliana
If these people are crazy, they might bring their guns, anyway, even if it's just to prove they legally can.
I recognize that this is a big issue, but we have talked about it many times. People can have different beliefs and still share a life together. My parents have been happily married for 44 years, and they have clashing views on a ton of stuff.
I may not like it, but my BF is respectful and responsible. He knows my parents don't like it either, so he leaves it secured in the car when we visit them. He also does that if he knows kids will be around. He keeps it in a locked box stored in a safe. He even sat me down and showed me how to handle it, dismantle it, and how to use it to be more comfortable with it. I don't trust his boneheaded family, but I trust him.
I recognize that this is a big issue, but we have talked about it many times. People can have different beliefs and still share a life together. My parents have been happily married for 44 years, and they have clashing views on a ton of stuff.
I may not like it, but my BF is respectful and responsible. He knows my parents don't like it either, so he leaves it secured in the car when we visit them. He also does that if he knows kids will be around. He keeps it in a locked box stored in a safe. He even sat me down and showed me how to handle it, dismantle it, and how to use it to be more comfortable with it. I don't trust his boneheaded family, but I trust him.
The comment responded to was judgmental and not etiquette related
Yeah, I don't think there's ever a need to have a gun at a wedding. They just carry one wherever they go, no matter what the occasion is. There's no reason for it, they just do it because they can. I don't understand it.
OP, unless you have a home church or something you want to be married in, I would actually look at venues in Canada. Semi-destination just a few hours away, and the issue is off the table. If you are married in the states, I would say something or pick a gun-free venue and hire security. Be prepared that his family will be offended, but I see this as a safety issue. I have a couple of good friends that frequently carry, but they never touch alcohol while doing so.
(Full disclosure-I'm not anti-gun but from a pretty restrictive state and don't know a ton about them)
Respectfully, there is a huge difference between carrying a pack of cigarettes around and carrying a gun. No one accidentally kills a 5 year old because they were merely carrying a pack of cigarettes. Accidents where guns--that are supposed to have a safety on--go off by mistake happen all the time. It is a daily occurrence in the US.
Fatty Blog