Wording for a No-Kids Wedding

doeydo · July 2013

I would not like to have any children at my wedding. How do I word that politely in the invitations?

NYCMercedes · July 2013

doeydo said:

I would not like to have any children at my wedding. How do I word that politely in the invitations?

Simple. Don't put their names on the invitation.

doeydo · July 2013

Um, well, if someone shows up anyways with a baby in tow, I will not be pleased. I am therefore really trying to prevent that. Is stating "adult ceremony and reception" suitable?

NYCBruin · July 2013

doeydo said:

Um, well, if someone shows up anyways with a baby in tow, I will not be pleased. I am therefore really trying to prevent that. Is stating "adult ceremony and reception" suitable?

No. It's very rude to point out who ISN'T invited. Simply address invitations to the people who are invited. For example: Mr. and Mrs. Smith. If they send back their RSVP card with 3, you call them up and explain that your'e sorry for the confusion, but the invitation was just for the two of them and you hope they can still make it.

AddieCake · July 2013

You put only the names of the people invited. If someone RSVPs with their baby, you call and tell them no. If they show up anyway with a baby, I can promise you that having put "adults only" on your invitations would not have prevented that from happening since they ignored your phone call.

colleenhas · August 2013

I would just address the invitation to the people invited. Do you have a website? If so, I would add that the wedding and reception are adult only on the website. The last couple of wedding's I have attended have sent out STD's with their website address and on It stated that it was an adult only reception and wedding.

doeydo · August 2013

Ok. thanks for your input ladies. I'll just invite the people I want to come and if they RSVP with their kids or something then I'll talk to them about it.

southernbelle0915 · August 2013

We also did "no kids". PPs are right that you never point out who's not invited.

The way we navigated this was addressing the invites to only the parents and wording our RSVP cards like this:

We look forward to celebrating with you!

Name(s)_______________________

____ # attending the ceremony

____ # attending the reception

If they RSVP'd more than the number of people actually on the invitation, we'd follow up and explain.

ETA: No one ended up bringing kids. It got the message across.

MyNameIsNot · August 2013

You could also list the adults' names on the RSVP card.

John Smith ___ beef ___ chicken ___ will not attend

Mary Smith ___ beef ___ chicken ___ will not attend

Then there is no place to write in the kids' names.

heidirs731 · August 2013

I know families who would feel an invitation to them would mean everyone, not just the names on the card. Is it weird for me to feel I'd rather put something indicating there's no kids on the invite than actually have that stressful/awkward conversation explaining they can't being their children?

libby2483 · August 2013

I know families who would feel an invitation to them would mean everyone, not just the names on the card. Is it weird for me to feel I'd rather put something indicating there's no kids on the invite than actually have that stressful/awkward conversation explaining they can't being their children?

Yes, some people will feel this, but that doesn't mean that you should meet rudeness with rudeness. It is tacky to put anything about who is not invited on an invitation, so if your guests are clueless, you will unfortunately need to have that awkward conversation.

heidirs731 · August 2013

I think I'd rather be rude. lol. I'm terrible at phone conversations like that.

banana468 · August 2013

heidirs731 said:

I think I'd rather be rude. lol. I'm terrible at phone conversations like that.

You'll need to work on that skill then. What you're saying is that you'd rather be rude to all your guests than deal with the few guests who are rude to you.

Three Nine Two · August 2013

To be honest, I don't think it's too rude to state that it's an adult only reception. Even if you don't, and opt to go with the awkward phone call option, either way you're going to have to be telling people that their kids aren't invited.

NYCBruin · August 2013

Three Nine Two said:

To be honest, I don't think it's too rude to state that it's an adult only reception. Even if you don't, and opt to go with the awkward phone call option, either way you're going to have to be telling people that their kids aren't invited.

Not true. She would only have to inform guests who rudely RSVP'd with additional guests (their children). Guests who were not rude and did not include their children who were not invited won't have to be told that their kids aren't invited. By putting something on the invitation about who isn't invited, the bride is being rude.

southernbelle0915 · August 2013

Here's why it's rude to say "adults only reception" or any rendition thereof: It is rude to say who is NOT invited. By saying "adults only," you're saying kids aren't welcome.

Just because some people are frightened by "awkward phone calls" doesn't make it ok to be rude to ALL your guests because you are afraid some guests will be rude. It makes no sense at all.

heidirs731 · August 2013

The only guests I would imagine I would be being rude to would be the guests who would want to bring their kids and would be offended that they couldn't. No one else I know of (friend or family) would care or even bat an eyelash.

And guests replying with more people than invited wouldn't be being rude if they didn't understand that the invite only extends to the people on the card, which many people (at least people I'm familiar with) don't know that rule.

Maybe I'm looking at this from the wrong standpoint. My career is in communications. If I don't give people the right info to respond correctly, then it's my failure and I have to make up for that mistake by calling everyone because I did a poor job in communicating the first time around.

NYCMercedes · August 2013

What could be clearer than putting the invitees name on the envelope?

heidirs731 · August 2013

Some people assume you can always add a plus +1 or more, that it goes unstated. I know friends and family who believe this.

NYCMercedes · August 2013

You know rude people.

heidirs731 · August 2013

I just don't think they've ever been told it works any other way.

libby2483 · August 2013

heidirs731 said:

I just don't think they've ever been told it works any other way.

Well, if they RSVP with additional people for your wedding, you'll have the opportunity to politely inform them.

Jen4948 · August 2013

libby2483 said:

show previous quotes

heidirs731 said:

I just don't think they've ever been told it works any other way.

Well, if they RSVP with additional people for your wedding, you'll have the opportunity to politely inform them.

This. And be prepared for "it's always been that way" whines. You'll need to stand firm with these people and make clear that you're not bending the rules for them, as well as huffy refusals to attend.

KDM323 · August 2013

You should never include who IS NOT invited on an invitation. The invitations are addressed to the people that ARE invited.

NYCMercedes · August 2013

I know my cousin simply put ADULTS ONLY right on the invite and apologized in advance. The only children that were there was my nephew and that was because my cousin wanted him in her wedding pictures

Bad idea, putting who is NOT invited.

meg2marryshane · August 2013

How about adding a line that says We have reserved __ seats in your honor and fill in the space?

heidirs731 · August 2013

meg2marryshane said:

How about adding a line that says We have reserved __ seats in your honor and fill in the space?

I kinda like that idea.

Jen4948 · August 2013

smeyer3091 said:

It worked but if it were me I would just leave it up to the discretion of the parents.

You're saying you would let the parents decide whether or not their children are invited, regardless of what the hosts want?

Sorry, no. If the parents want to attend a wedding where their kids were not invited, they must leave the kids in the care of someone else while the wedding is going on, and if they aren't willing to do that, they must decline the invitation. It is not up to them to decide that they are going to bring their kids if the kids were not invited by the hosts.

MDbride1012 · August 2013

Have the RSVP cards look something like this...

____ of 2 will attend

____ We will not be able to attend.

jewely24 · August 2013

I was concerned about this too because I knew I had a few people who just wouldn't care about adding their extra special snowflake children. So I very specifically worded my RSVP card (see below) to avoid any "confusion". I've gotten back more than half of my RSVP's so far (and they're due in two days, but that's another story...) and haven't run into any problems yet!

prettyfacegal · August 2013

I would prefer to let the guest know...before hand than avoiding it. Its your party and you do what you want AND makes you happy.

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