Bridesmaids With Tattoos

cmelliott · September 2013

QueerFemme said:

yes, i said she to make it simple because marc used to be miranda and i wasn't about to start every post about BM with "hey one of my BM is transgender" lol. and also, it is not a clear gender identification. to be honest, it never has been. but like i said, i'm really trying not to put everything out on the internet but it's hard when i'm having defend myself from everyone's attacks on these boards.

You should never, ever again, refer to your friend as "miranda" and if Marc hasn't clearly said "I use masculine pronouns" you should be using "they" or "their".

which is what i'm doing, aren't i? however that's not good enough for the "perfect" people on this board, huh? lol

cmelliott · September 2013

QueerFemme said:

cmelliott said:

@cruffino and @smalfrie this is when you've crossed the line. i will use names to make this easier. i asked miranda to be in my wedding and then in january i bought all their bridesmaids dresses. then in march, miranda decided she wanted to be marc. because i'm an amazing friend, i asked if marc still wanted to be in the wedding since i had already bought the dress and did they still want to wear the dress. marc said yes to both because marc loves me and i love marc and we're amazing friends. please don't you even dare to judge me on something that you don't know. you all can call me a terrible person because i asked miranda if she was okay with covering up the tattoo but i love my friend, whether they want to be miranda or marc and you all have no idea what you're talking about.

I don't even POST on TK anymore, but I had to come out of the woodwork for this one.

I'll judge the HELL out of you. You are referring to this friend who you say you love with feminine pronouns and calling him "miranda" when he has clearly already expressed his desire to go by Marc.

Your friend is trying to be kind to you, and agreeing to wear a dress, probably because he cares about you, I have no idea why. But, I would bet all the money I have that if you hadn't phrased it as "do you still want to be in the wedding" , and instead said "Of course you are still in the wedding, do you want to wear a suit or tux?" he would have likely chosen that.

The fact that you aren't even using his preferred gender reference makes you a huge asshole and a really bad friend.

no, you have no right to judge on things you know nothing of. everything that i've already put on here was in defense of the attacks by everyone who twists everything into something they can argue with. so you're saying that everytime i post on this board about BM i should start with "btw one of my BM is transgendered". since it is the internet, i'm trying to keep everything simple. and yes, you all only have a small portion of the information and conversations but because of that, once again you have no right to judge.

QueerFemme · September 2013

cmelliott said:

QueerFemme said:

yes, i said she to make it simple because marc used to be miranda and i wasn't about to start every post about BM with "hey one of my BM is transgender" lol. and also, it is not a clear gender identification. to be honest, it never has been. but like i said, i'm really trying not to put everything out on the internet but it's hard when i'm having defend myself from everyone's attacks on these boards.

You should never, ever again, refer to your friend as "miranda" and if Marc hasn't clearly said "I use masculine pronouns" you should be using "they" or "their".
which is what i'm doing, aren't i? however that's not good enough for the "perfect" people on this board, huh? lol

You referred to this friend on this entire thread as "she" the entire time, and "Miranda", until someone pointed out what a total asshole move that was.

cmelliott · September 2013

PandPMeant2B said:

cmelliott said:

PandPMeant2B said:

cmelliott said:

PandPMeant2B first of all, this is not the thread to debate transgender, second of all if we are going to talk about this instead of the relevant topic, then i will say i already explained that it's not a clear cut situation. they want to be called marc but there has been no clear explanation of pronouns. third, i refer to them as "they" because you do not know who "they" are.

First of all, I'm not debating anything with you. Second of all, not clear cut? If your friend expressed that he wants to be called Marc (a male name), wouldn't it be a logical assumption that he would prefer male pronouns? Third, that whole paragraph was clearly about Marc. No, I don't know who HE is, but I know enough to refer to him as HIM, not THEY.

i edited my post to make it better understandable. but by making another response, you are debating. no, it is not logical because you don't know the whole situation and you wouldn't because you don't know them. as i stated in my edited post, i'm trying to make everything simple without laying it all out on the internet. but you guys make it hard when you dig and you take everything and twist it around and blow it up.

I thought it was pretty understandable to start with; wrong, but understandable. I'm sorry, but I don't see where you cleared anything up. No, I don't know the whole situation. I am an internet stranger. The problem when you only tell parts of the story (no matter WHY you are only sharing certain parts) is that we can only go by what you tell us. Please tell me how assuming Marc would want to use male pronouns ISN'T logical, regardless of whether I know the whole situation. And please show me where I "dug," "took everything and twisted it around," or "blew it up." I'm sure you're very sensitive to this whole situation and you care very much for your friend. That doesn't mean what you did/are doing wasn't/isn't rude.

a person's situation and relationships cannot be "wrong" although i can tell by this that you always think you're right, even if it's an opinion.

QueerFemme · September 2013

cmelliott said:

QueerFemme said:

cmelliott said:

@cruffino and @smalfrie this is when you've crossed the line. i will use names to make this easier. i asked miranda to be in my wedding and then in january i bought all their bridesmaids dresses. then in march, miranda decided she wanted to be marc. because i'm an amazing friend, i asked if marc still wanted to be in the wedding since i had already bought the dress and did they still want to wear the dress. marc said yes to both because marc loves me and i love marc and we're amazing friends. please don't you even dare to judge me on something that you don't know. you all can call me a terrible person because i asked miranda if she was okay with covering up the tattoo but i love my friend, whether they want to be miranda or marc and you all have no idea what you're talking about.

I don't even POST on TK anymore, but I had to come out of the woodwork for this one.

I'll judge the HELL out of you. You are referring to this friend who you say you love with feminine pronouns and calling him "miranda" when he has clearly already expressed his desire to go by Marc.

Your friend is trying to be kind to you, and agreeing to wear a dress, probably because he cares about you, I have no idea why. But, I would bet all the money I have that if you hadn't phrased it as "do you still want to be in the wedding" , and instead said "Of course you are still in the wedding, do you want to wear a suit or tux?" he would have likely chosen that.

The fact that you aren't even using his preferred gender reference makes you a huge asshole and a really bad friend.
no, you have no right to judge on things you know nothing of. everything that i've already put on here was in defense of the attacks by everyone who twists everything into something they can argue with. so you're saying that everytime i post on this board about BM i should start with "btw one of my BM is transgendered". since it is the internet, i'm trying to keep everything simple. and yes, you all only have a small portion of the information and conversations but because of that, once again you have no right to judge.

You are asking a tg person to wear a dress in your wedding. The fact that you even said "Do you still want to be in the wedding" makes you a jerk and I will judge you. That should have never even been a consideration. Your question should have been "now that you are IDing as tg and as Marc, what do you want to WEAR in the wedding.

grumbledore · September 2013

PandPMeant2B said:

grumbledore said:

If your friend is going by Marc, why not refer to him as "he?" Or hasn't he given a pronoun preference? It's really rude to refer to him as female if that's not what he prefers. And, to be honest, it's confusing me a little right now.
This. My brother is transgendered and it will be a cold fucking day in hell when I refer to him as "she/her" in any medium.

You could choose not to commit either way and refer to him as "they" as in " They haven't fully transitioned...I wouldn't have asked if they still wanted to wear the dress if I was going to make them wear the dress... I do love them as they are.... I didn't ask them to cut or grow their hair...or cut off their arm....when I asked if they could cover it up, I didn't demand. I openly asked if it's something they would be okay with and they said yes." That probably makes your friend feel like an "it." How supportive of you.

PandP - I was so mad the last time I was in this thread that I didn't get your sarcasm. Well played. Well played.

Maggie0829 · September 2013

I just hope that you realize what a great friend you have in Marc. They are most likely going way out of their comfort zone to appease you and are most likely very upset about it but they care about you to make themselves uncomfortable for one day.

cmelliott · September 2013

QueerFemme said:

cmelliott said:

QueerFemme said:

yes, i said she to make it simple because marc used to be miranda and i wasn't about to start every post about BM with "hey one of my BM is transgender" lol. and also, it is not a clear gender identification. to be honest, it never has been. but like i said, i'm really trying not to put everything out on the internet but it's hard when i'm having defend myself from everyone's attacks on these boards.

You should never, ever again, refer to your friend as "miranda" and if Marc hasn't clearly said "I use masculine pronouns" you should be using "they" or "their".
which is what i'm doing, aren't i? however that's not good enough for the "perfect" people on this board, huh? lol

You referred to this friend on this entire thread as "she" the entire time, and "Miranda", until someone pointed out what a total asshole move that was.

yes, because as i've stated three...four...five? times. it was to keep it simple without having to start every BM post with saying "oh btw one of my BM is transgendered". i really feel like no one on this board reads, or at least comprehends what they read. i'm finding myself repeating the same things to the same people over and over.

arrippa · September 2013

cmelliott said:

QueerFemme said:

yes, i said she to make it simple because marc used to be miranda and i wasn't about to start every post about BM with "hey one of my BM is transgender" lol. and also, it is not a clear gender identification. to be honest, it never has been. but like i said, i'm really trying not to put everything out on the internet but it's hard when i'm having defend myself from everyone's attacks on these boards.

You should never, ever again, refer to your friend as "miranda" and if Marc hasn't clearly said "I use masculine pronouns" you should be using "they" or "their".
which is what i'm doing, aren't i? however that's not good enough for the "perfect" people on this board, huh? lol

I am echoing Maggie, please stop saying "lol". You said it in every thread and it makes no sense.

Look - I am covering MY tattoos for my wedding, however, I told my MOH ( who has a huge back piece) to leave hers alone when she asked about it. It's a part of her and I love it and I love her (and I am getting married in a southern baptist church, talk about conservative).

cmelliott · September 2013

Maggie0829 said:

I just hope that you realize what a great friend you have in Marc. They are most likely going way out of their comfort zone to appease you and are most likely very upset about it but they care about you to make themselves uncomfortable for one day.

they are a wonderful friend and they probably are going out of their comfort zone. but this is why i've already asked if they would still be comfortable wearing the dress. i know it's hard to see that i'm very sensitive to the situation, but trust me when i say i've covered every angle and made sure everyone was okay with everything.

PandPMeant2B · September 2013

cmelliott said:

QueerFemme said:

yes, i said she to make it simple because marc used to be miranda and i wasn't about to start every post about BM with "hey one of my BM is transgender" lol. and also, it is not a clear gender identification. to be honest, it never has been. but like i said, i'm really trying not to put everything out on the internet but it's hard when i'm having defend myself from everyone's attacks on these boards.

You should never, ever again, refer to your friend as "miranda" and if Marc hasn't clearly said "I use masculine pronouns" you should be using "they" or "their".

which is what i'm doing, aren't i? however that's not good enough for the "perfect" people on this board, huh? lol

Look, no one ever said they were prefect. I'm really trying to be nice to you. Like PPs said, you did a great job of painting yourself as a rude, inconsiderate friend, judging by whatever parts of the story you chose to share. I'm not saying you ARE rude and inconsiderate; just that you are coming off that way. @QueerFemme, can you please explain why a person would have to specify a preference for gender pronouns if they have already chosen a gender-specific name? Forgive me if I'm being ignorant, but I would think it's not necessary... especially in this case (it's not like we're all out with Marc; I can see where that can get a little confusing). I would think "they" would be more alienating.

PandPMeant2B · September 2013

cmelliott said:

PandPMeant2B said:

cmelliott said:

PandPMeant2B said:

cmelliott said:

PandPMeant2B first of all, this is not the thread to debate transgender, second of all if we are going to talk about this instead of the relevant topic, then i will say i already explained that it's not a clear cut situation. they want to be called marc but there has been no clear explanation of pronouns. third, i refer to them as "they" because you do not know who "they" are.

First of all, I'm not debating anything with you. Second of all, not clear cut? If your friend expressed that he wants to be called Marc (a male name), wouldn't it be a logical assumption that he would prefer male pronouns? Third, that whole paragraph was clearly about Marc. No, I don't know who HE is, but I know enough to refer to him as HIM, not THEY.

i edited my post to make it better understandable. but by making another response, you are debating. no, it is not logical because you don't know the whole situation and you wouldn't because you don't know them. as i stated in my edited post, i'm trying to make everything simple without laying it all out on the internet. but you guys make it hard when you dig and you take everything and twist it around and blow it up.

I thought it was pretty understandable to start with; wrong, but understandable. I'm sorry, but I don't see where you cleared anything up. No, I don't know the whole situation. I am an internet stranger. The problem when you only tell parts of the story (no matter WHY you are only sharing certain parts) is that we can only go by what you tell us. Please tell me how assuming Marc would want to use male pronouns ISN'T logical, regardless of whether I know the whole situation. And please show me where I "dug," "took everything and twisted it around," or "blew it up." I'm sure you're very sensitive to this whole situation and you care very much for your friend. That doesn't mean what you did/are doing wasn't/isn't rude.

a person's situation and relationships cannot be "wrong" although i can tell by this that you always think you're right, even if it's an opinion.

NOW who's judging? Pot, meet kettle.

ETA: I wasn't calling your relationship or situation wrong. I was calling the fact that YOU were wrong, wrong.

daveANDkristen · September 2013

cmelliott said:

no, you have no right to judge on things you know nothing of. everything that i've already put on here was in defense of the attacks by everyone who twists everything into something they can argue with. so you're saying that everytime i post on this board about BM i should start with "btw one of my BM is transgendered". since it is the internet, i'm trying to keep everything simple. and yes, you all only have a small portion of the information and conversations but because of that, once again you have no right to judge.

The fact that your attendant is transgendered has nothing to do with the topic. You are the one who mentioned it. You don't have to start a single post with "btw one of my BM is transgendered". You brought up that your now male-identified friend is wearing a dress in your wedding. It doesn't take much word-twisting to make that sound fudged up*

*edited for the pearl clutchers out there

cmelliott · September 2013

QueerFemme said:

cmelliott said:

QueerFemme said:

cmelliott said:

@cruffino and @smalfrie this is when you've crossed the line. i will use names to make this easier. i asked miranda to be in my wedding and then in january i bought all their bridesmaids dresses. then in march, miranda decided she wanted to be marc. because i'm an amazing friend, i asked if marc still wanted to be in the wedding since i had already bought the dress and did they still want to wear the dress. marc said yes to both because marc loves me and i love marc and we're amazing friends. please don't you even dare to judge me on something that you don't know. you all can call me a terrible person because i asked miranda if she was okay with covering up the tattoo but i love my friend, whether they want to be miranda or marc and you all have no idea what you're talking about.

I don't even POST on TK anymore, but I had to come out of the woodwork for this one.

I'll judge the HELL out of you. You are referring to this friend who you say you love with feminine pronouns and calling him "miranda" when he has clearly already expressed his desire to go by Marc.

Your friend is trying to be kind to you, and agreeing to wear a dress, probably because he cares about you, I have no idea why. But, I would bet all the money I have that if you hadn't phrased it as "do you still want to be in the wedding" , and instead said "Of course you are still in the wedding, do you want to wear a suit or tux?" he would have likely chosen that.

The fact that you aren't even using his preferred gender reference makes you a huge asshole and a really bad friend.
no, you have no right to judge on things you know nothing of. everything that i've already put on here was in defense of the attacks by everyone who twists everything into something they can argue with. so you're saying that everytime i post on this board about BM i should start with "btw one of my BM is transgendered". since it is the internet, i'm trying to keep everything simple. and yes, you all only have a small portion of the information and conversations but because of that, once again you have no right to judge.

You are asking a tg person to wear a dress in your wedding. The fact that you even said "Do you still want to be in the wedding" makes you a jerk and I will judge you. That should have never even been a consideration. Your question should have been "now that you are IDing as tg and as Marc, what do you want to WEAR in the wedding.

no, once again, i stated i bought the dress before any of this was even explained to me. afterwards, i asked if they still felt comfortable wearing the dress. don't you think that would be the place they would say no? then i would have asked what else they wanted to wear. but they said yes.

mc4dj13 · September 2013

Do you really have NO life that you continue to lurk on a wedding board almost 10 years later?! For freak's sake I was still in HS when you got married. How does it feel to have someone be mean for no reason whatsoever? I don't know you but I took it upon myself to criticize you and your seemingly-normal choice. Oh, well- Freedom of speech!

Jesus Christ ladies you are being brutal on this bride! It is HER wedding and SHE is footing the bill for them as she previously stated. She has the right to any vision she desires. Honey, stick to what you want and tell your bridesmaid. It is better to be honest and upfront rather than regret a decision later on. That goes for anything! Tattoos, piercings, or club foots.

KeptInStitches · September 2013

@QueerFemme, I found "they" alienating - can you perhaps help me understand how it isn't?

cmelliott · September 2013

daveANDkristen said:

cmelliott said:

no, you have no right to judge on things you know nothing of. everything that i've already put on here was in defense of the attacks by everyone who twists everything into something they can argue with. so you're saying that everytime i post on this board about BM i should start with "btw one of my BM is transgendered". since it is the internet, i'm trying to keep everything simple. and yes, you all only have a small portion of the information and conversations but because of that, once again you have no right to judge.

The fact that your attendant is transgendered has nothing to do with the topic. You are the one who mentioned it. You don't have to start a single post with "btw one of my BM is transgendered". You brought up that your now male-identified friend is wearing a dress in your wedding. It doesn't take much word-twisting to make that sound fudged up*

*edited for the pearl clutchers out there

actually it was mentioned in the post where someone asked what i would do if a BM had chopped off all their hair and i explained that my BM who was transgendered had already cut their hair. i never once said "oh hey i bought my transgendered BM a dress. how do y'all feel about THAT?" lol

QueerFemme · September 2013

Look, no one ever said they were prefect. I'm really trying to be nice to you. Like PPs said, you did a great job of painting yourself as a rude, inconsiderate friend, judging by whatever parts of the story you chose to share. I'm not saying you ARE rude and inconsiderate; just that you are coming off that way. @QueerFemme, can you please explain why a person would have to specify a preference for gender pronouns if they have already chosen a gender-specific name? Forgive me if I'm being ignorant, but I would think it's not necessary... especially in this case (it's not like we're all out with Marc; I can see where that can get a little confusing). I would think "they" would be more alienating.

Not every person who is trans neatly fits into a male or female or masculine/feminine box. They don't necessarily ID as "male", but they are masculine and would rather use a masculine name, but they may or may not be transitioning to male, so they may or may not want to use masculine pronouns. But, they RARELY (like, I've never seen it happen) continue to use feminine pronouns. So, they prefer a non gender specific reference like they, or their. It's not hard, if you just respect someone's preferences.

And, yes, even in the third person, on an internet message board. It's totally fucking rude to use someone's prior name or feminine pronouns in reference to them.

Maggie0829 · September 2013

cmelliott said:

Maggie0829 said:

I just hope that you realize what a great friend you have in Marc. They are most likely going way out of their comfort zone to appease you and are most likely very upset about it but they care about you to make themselves uncomfortable for one day.

they are a wonderful friend and they probably are going out of their comfort zone. but this is why i've already asked if they would still be comfortable wearing the dress. i know it's hard to see that i'm very sensitive to the situation, but trust me when i say i've covered every angle and made sure everyone was okay with everything.

I think it was more that you started the conversation with them by asking if they still wanted to be in the wedding. Not asking them if they would rather wear a suit or a dress? Do you see the difference? By making it seem like an ultimatum (which you probably did not mean to make out as) they probably felt like they had to do it your way even though they may feel extremely uncomfortable or risk making you mad. I think that is where everyone is coming from on this thread and why many are saying that your wedding vision is more important then your friends feelings.

QueerFemme · September 2013

cmelliott said:

Maggie0829 said:

I just hope that you realize what a great friend you have in Marc. They are most likely going way out of their comfort zone to appease you and are most likely very upset about it but they care about you to make themselves uncomfortable for one day.
they are a wonderful friend and they probably are going out of their comfort zone. but this is why i've already asked if they would still be comfortable wearing the dress. i know it's hard to see that i'm very sensitive to the situation, but trust me when i say i've covered every angle and made sure everyone was okay with everything.

if you had "covered every angle", you wouldn't have even considered asking your friend if they still wanted to be in the wedding. Asshole move.

grumbledore · September 2013

cmelliott said:

grumbledore said:

PandPMeant2B said:

grumbledore said:

If your friend is going by Marc, why not refer to him as "he?" Or hasn't he given a pronoun preference? It's really rude to refer to him as female if that's not what he prefers. And, to be honest, it's confusing me a little right now.
This. My brother is transgendered and it will be a cold fucking day in hell when I refer to him as "she/her" in any medium.

You could choose not to commit either way and refer to him as "they" as in " They haven't fully transitioned...I wouldn't have asked if they still wanted to wear the dress if I was going to make them wear the dress... I do love them as they are.... I didn't ask them to cut or grow their hair...or cut off their arm....when I asked if they could cover it up, I didn't demand. I openly asked if it's something they would be okay with and they said yes." That probably makes your friend feel like an "it." How supportive of you.

Marc was a "she" in this thread until the poster was called out on it. They is appropriate if Marc hasn't specified or doesn't know - if Marc is identifying as male, then "he" is appropriate.

yes, i said she to make it simple because marc used to be miranda and i wasn't about to start every post about BM with "hey one of my BM is transgender" lol. and also, it is not a clear gender identification. to be honest, it never has been. but like i said, i'm really trying not to put everything out on the internet but it's hard when i'm having defend myself from everyone's attacks on these boards.

I realize that this isn't why you were originally in this thread, but that said the conversation has moved in another direction, so...

Are you out of your fucking mind? There is no reason whatsoever for you to even tell us that Marc is transgendered. It's not relevant. And frankly the fact that you are having him wear a fucking DRESS in your wedding is going to make my head explode. Unless he's a tranvestite as well as transgendered and wants to wear a dress, what you are doing is absolutely fucking ridiculous.

If Marc doesn't identify as male OR female, then there is absolutely no reason to refer to Marc with a gender specific pronoun, which is what you later chose to do and would be fine.

However, you chose to refer to your dear friend in the following manner from the get-go:

"Actually, I think it's perfectly fine to ask her to cover up her tattoos if she wants to be in the wedding. I have a bridesmaid who has a large tattoo on her chest and I asked her to cover it up and she was fine. That doesn't mean I love her any less, I just had a few small stipulations for my wedding. And I was fine if she said no she didn't want to be in the wedding because of that. We don't let petty stuff like that ruin our friendship. I just have a clear vision of what I want in the wedding and tattoos are not one of them. I don't have any tattoos myself but I'm not against them and they don't bother me, I'm just going for like a romantic, classic look and black ink doesn't really fit in lol. It is you and your fiance's day, if that's something you prefer, just ask her and if she's not okay with it just let her decline and if you're good friends, everything will be fine."

You are disrespectful. You not only gave bad advice, but it really sounds like you are being a terrible friend. Hopefully we're magically all wrong.

cmelliott · September 2013

Do you really have NO life that you continue to lurk on a wedding board almost 10 years later?! For freak's sake I was still in HS when you got married. How does it feel to have someone be mean for no reason whatsoever? I don't know you but I took it upon myself to criticize you and your seemingly-normal choice. Oh, well- Freedom of speech!

Jesus Christ ladies you are being brutal on this bride! It is HER wedding and SHE is footing the bill for them as she previously stated. She has the right to any vision she desires. Honey, stick to what you want and tell your bridesmaid. It is better to be honest and upfront rather than regret a decision later on. That goes for anything! Tattoos, piercings, or club foots.

I'm still in the box. THANK YOU SO MUCH. You're the first one to realize these people are just hateful and mean. However, I always stand my ground and never back down so I won't let these people walk all over me. But thank you.

daveANDkristen · September 2013

mc4dj13 said:

Do you really have NO life that you continue to lurk on a wedding board almost 10 years later?! For freak's sake I was still in HS when you got married. How does it feel to have someone be mean for no reason whatsoever? I don't know you but I took it upon myself to criticize you and your seemingly-normal choice. Oh, well- Freedom of speech!

Jesus Christ ladies you are being brutal on this bride! It is HER wedding and SHE is footing the bill for them as she previously stated. She has the right to any vision she desires. Honey, stick to what you want and tell your bridesmaid. It is better to be honest and upfront rather than regret a decision later on. That goes for anything! Tattoos, piercings, or club foots.

Who are you talking to?

Viczaesar · September 2013

This is a hell of a thread. Standing O to the ladies who continue to fight the good fight.

Pepper6 · September 2013

mc4dj13 said:

Do you really have NO life that you continue to lurk on a wedding board almost 10 years later?! For freak's sake I was still in HS when you got married. How does it feel to have someone be mean for no reason whatsoever? I don't know you but I took it upon myself to criticize you and your seemingly-normal choice. Oh, well- Freedom of speech!

Jesus Christ ladies you are being brutal on this bride! It is HER wedding and SHE is footing the bill for them as she previously stated. She has the right to any vision she desires. Honey, stick to what you want and tell your bridesmaid. It is better to be honest and upfront rather than regret a decision later on. That goes for anything! Tattoos, piercings, or club foots.

So you're saying it's totally okay to ask someone with a deformity to cover up their 'ugly foot' or get it fixed because it will ruin your wedding pictures? Wow...you must have a lot of friends...

daveANDkristen · September 2013

cmelliott said:

actually it was mentioned in the post where someone asked what i would do if a BM had chopped off all their hair and i explained that my BM who was transgendered had already cut their hair. i never once said "oh hey i bought my transgendered BM a dress. how do y'all feel about THAT?" lol

Lots of women wear their hair short. I fail to see how the fact that your friend cut their hair and is FTM is relevant.

arrippa · September 2013

mc4dj13 said:

Do you really have NO life that you continue to lurk on a wedding board almost 10 years later?! For freak's sake I was still in HS when you got married. How does it feel to have someone be mean for no reason whatsoever? I don't know you but I took it upon myself to criticize you and your seemingly-normal choice. Oh, well- Freedom of speech!

Jesus Christ ladies you are being brutal on this bride! It is HER wedding and SHE is footing the bill for them as she previously stated. She has the right to any vision she desires. Honey, stick to what you want and tell your bridesmaid. It is better to be honest and upfront rather than regret a decision later on. That goes for anything! Tattoos, piercings, or club foots.

Who are you talking to? Your statement about talking and being upfront to someone who has a congenital deformity about your wedding vision invalidates everything you say.

editted-trying to make my meaning clear.

Maggie0829 · September 2013

mc4dj13 said:

Do you really have NO life that you continue to lurk on a wedding board almost 10 years later?! For freak's sake I was still in HS when you got married. How does it feel to have someone be mean for no reason whatsoever? I don't know you but I took it upon myself to criticize you and your seemingly-normal choice. Oh, well- Freedom of speech!

Jesus Christ ladies you are being brutal on this bride! It is HER wedding and SHE is footing the bill for them as she previously stated. She has the right to any vision she desires. Honey, stick to what you want and tell your bridesmaid. It is better to be honest and upfront rather than regret a decision later on. That goes for anything! Tattoos, piercings, or club foots.

Just because it is HER wedding day and is footing the bill does not mean she has the right to force one of her friends to be uncomfortable in their own skin and attire on that day. How would you like it to be forced into an outfit and covered in makeup just to meet your "friends" wedding vision? That is not a friend. That is someone wanting pretty props for their wedding.

QueerFemme · September 2013

cmelliott said:

daveANDkristen said:

cmelliott said:

no, you have no right to judge on things you know nothing of. everything that i've already put on here was in defense of the attacks by everyone who twists everything into something they can argue with. so you're saying that everytime i post on this board about BM i should start with "btw one of my BM is transgendered". since it is the internet, i'm trying to keep everything simple. and yes, you all only have a small portion of the information and conversations but because of that, once again you have no right to judge.

The fact that your attendant is transgendered has nothing to do with the topic. You are the one who mentioned it. You don't have to start a single post with "btw one of my BM is transgendered". You brought up that your now male-identified friend is wearing a dress in your wedding. It doesn't take much word-twisting to make that sound fudged up*

*edited for the pearl clutchers out there
actually it was mentioned in the post where someone asked what i would do if a BM had chopped off all their hair and i explained that my BM who was transgendered had already cut their hair. i never once said "oh hey i bought my transgendered BM a dress. how do y'all feel about THAT?" lol

Your post said "because i'm an amazing friend, i asked if marc still wanted to be in the wedding since i had already bought the dress"

that quote makes you the asshole in this scenario.

cruffino · September 2013

mc4dj13 said:

Do you really have NO life that you continue to lurk on a wedding board almost 10 years later?! For freak's sake I was still in HS when you got married. How does it feel to have someone be mean for no reason whatsoever? I don't know you but I took it upon myself to criticize you and your seemingly-normal choice. Oh, well- Freedom of speech!

Jesus Christ ladies you are being brutal on this bride! It is HER wedding and SHE is footing the bill for them as she previously stated. She has the right to any vision she desires. Honey, stick to what you want and tell your bridesmaid. It is better to be honest and upfront rather than regret a decision later on. That goes for anything! Tattoos, piercings, or club foots.

you are utterly ridiculous.

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