Cash Bars - Everything you need to know in one place

grumbledore · September 2013

I've seen a couple more cash bar threads today - here are the answers!

MNVegas · September 2013

Great post!

crunchymamaof2 · September 2013

best.post.ever!

Can someone do this for all the hot topics??? Like, choosing your wedding party, dollar dances, honeymoon registries, showers, jack and jils, and other pre wedding parties...etc. You ladies do a much better job at explaining than me :-)

grumbledore · September 2013

acove2006 said:

best.post.ever!
Can someone do this for all the hot topics??? Like, choosing your wedding party, dollar dances, honeymoon registries, showers, jack and jils, and other pre wedding parties...etc. You ladies do a much better job at explaining than me :-)

I was thinking the same thing earlier today - I mean, honestly, we are all giving the same answers all day every day, and dealing with the same "But, (insert my special circumstance here)!" arguments every day.

ashleyep · September 2013

grumbledore said:

acove2006 said:

best.post.ever!
Can someone do this for all the hot topics??? Like, choosing your wedding party, dollar dances, honeymoon registries, showers, jack and jils, and other pre wedding parties...etc. You ladies do a much better job at explaining than me :-)

I was thinking the same thing earlier today - I mean, honestly, we are all giving the same answers all day every day, and dealing with the same "But, (insert my special circumstance here)!" arguments every day.

It would probably come across much nicer too than our terse one sentence responses.

grumbledore · September 2013

True @ashleyep

itzMS · September 2013

If only new posters knew how to read the stickies.

How many times on Registering and Gifts or Favors do we have to answer about Honeymoon registries and charity donations despite there actually being stickies?

grumbledore · September 2013

itzMS said:

If only new posters knew how to read the stickies.
How many times on Registering and Gifts or Favors do we have to answer about Honeymoon registries and charity donations despite there actually being stickies?

True that. Although frankly I don't think the Honeymoon Registry sticky goes far enough to drive the point home - it's still a little sweet.

My rule for wedding planning is this: Don't be a dick.

Seriously. A couple of friends and I have taken to citing the "Don't be a dick Rule" of wedding planning. It's not hard or expensive to treat people well.

arrippa · September 2013

Thanks for typing this out. I am way too lazy to do something like this!

Salsera29 · September 2013

grumbledore said:

itzMS said:

If only new posters knew how to read the stickies.
How many times on Registering and Gifts or Favors do we have to answer about Honeymoon registries and charity donations despite there actually being stickies?

True that. Although frankly I don't think the Honeymoon Registry sticky goes far enough to drive the point home - it's still a little sweet.

My rule for wedding planning is this: Don't be a dick.

Seriously. A couple of friends and I have taken to citing the "Don't be a dick Rule" of wedding planning. It's not hard or expensive to treat people well.

I like you.

grumbledore · September 2013

grumbledore said:

itzMS said:

If only new posters knew how to read the stickies.
How many times on Registering and Gifts or Favors do we have to answer about Honeymoon registries and charity donations despite there actually being stickies?

True that. Although frankly I don't think the Honeymoon Registry sticky goes far enough to drive the point home - it's still a little sweet.

My rule for wedding planning is this: Don't be a dick.

Seriously. A couple of friends and I have taken to citing the "Don't be a dick Rule" of wedding planning. It's not hard or expensive to treat people well.

I like you.

Thanks!

grumbledore · September 2013

What not to do:

aurorajanette · September 2013

grumbledore said:

What not to do:

Oh dear lord. This takes it to a whole new level! Even charging people for water and soda. I mean, it's all bad form, but seriously how rude can you be?

WinstonsGirl · September 2013

grumbledore said:

What not to do:

I would hope this is for a summer wedding, cos I'd be running out to McDonalds for $1 summer drink days all evening long.

grumbledore · September 2013

WinstonsGirl said:

grumbledore said:

What not to do:

I would hope this is for a summer wedding, cos I'd be running out to McDonalds for $1 summer drink days all evening long.

Likewise. I mean, seriously, $3 for a can of soda? That's low.

WinstonsGirl · September 2013

How klassy would that wedding be with all of my large McDonalds empty cups everywhere?? Awesome

pengwinn · September 2013

Probably going to get reamed out for this, but I kind of disagree. I think that paying for as much alcohol as you can and then allowing a cash bar for guests who want extra would be okay. I know that my guests would absolutely prefer that over a completely dry wedding!

aurianna · September 2013

pengwinn said:

Probably going to get reamed out for this, but I kind of disagree. I think that paying for as much alcohol as you can and then allowing a cash bar for guests who want extra would be okay. I know that my guests would absolutely prefer that over a completely dry wedding!

@pengwinn

See #4 and #10

pengwinn · September 2013

Right, I read it all. I just still disagree. But that's just me

NYCBruin · September 2013

pengwinn said: Right, I read it all. I just still disagree. But that's just me

You can disagree, but since you aren't a mind reader, you have no way of knowing what your guests are ACTUALLY thinking (which often is different from what they may say to you since they don't want to hurt your feelings). So, even though YOU disagree, there's a pretty solid chance that at least some of your guests agree with us and will think you're rude.

Edited: Quote box wonky

pengwinn · September 2013

I'm allowed to disagree I think I conveyed my opinion respectfully...no need to get snarky.

aurianna · September 2013

pengwinn said:

Right, I read it all. I just still disagree. But that's just me

So you disagree that it's not tacky that guests have to pay for things at a party that exists in the first place as a thank you for them? And you disagree that having a cash bar could preclude less wealthy guests (or simply those who rightly thought they shouldn't need to bring cash to a thank you party) from enjoying the party as much as guests with more money? And you disagree that there isn't something completely off about throwing a thank you party for your guests where those with less money in general, or no cash on them, will be left out in the cold while others around them drink?

Those elements aren't even a "know your crowd" sort of thing... it's more of a how could a hostess knowingly do those things and be ok about it?

pengwinn · September 2013

No, I still think that supplying as much alcohol as you can and simply having an option for more is okay. That's all. For example, one place I looked at often the hosts will purchase some kegs and wine (or something) and when that runs out guests can have the option to buy more alcohol if they wish it.

As you said you can't read minds, but assuming people will find it tacky or rude is assuming you know what they are thinking as well. I just don't think you have the final word on this.I see that the majority of the people on these boards likely agree with you - and I agree with much of it. I just don't think it has to be so black and white.

ShesSoCold · September 2013

pengwinn said:

No, I still think that supplying as much alcohol as you can and simply having an option for more is okay. That's all. For example, one place I looked at often the hosts will purchase some kegs and wine (or something) and when that runs out guests can have the option to buy more alcohol if they wish it.

As you said you can't read minds, but assuming people will find it tacky or rude is assuming you know what they are thinking as well. I just don't think you have the final word on this.I see that the majority of the people on these boards likely agree with you - and I agree with much of it. I just don't think it has to be so black and white.

We don't pull etiquette rules out of our asses. Etiquette goddesses like Emily Post will agree with us. Obviously you're entitled to your opinion on something. But there are etiquette rules. And we didn't make them up. Sure, there's a chance that some of your guests may not be offended by having to buy a drink that was free an hour ago, but there's no way someone is going to be offended by not having to buy a drink. I wouldn't be offended if I was invited to a wedding where BBQ was served. I would, however, be offended if I was invited to a wedding where BBQ was served, but I could have a lobster tail if I paid for it.

pengwinn · September 2013

ShesSoCold said:

pengwinn said:

No, I still think that supplying as much alcohol as you can and simply having an option for more is okay. That's all. For example, one place I looked at often the hosts will purchase some kegs and wine (or something) and when that runs out guests can have the option to buy more alcohol if they wish it.

As you said you can't read minds, but assuming people will find it tacky or rude is assuming you know what they are thinking as well. I just don't think you have the final word on this.I see that the majority of the people on these boards likely agree with you - and I agree with much of it. I just don't think it has to be so black and white.

We don't pull etiquette rules out of our asses. Etiquette goddesses like Emily Post will agree with us. Obviously you're entitled to your opinion on something. But there are etiquette rules. And we didn't make them up. Sure, there's a chance that some of your guests may not be offended by having to buy a drink that was free an hour ago, but there's no way someone is going to be offended by not having to buy a drink. I wouldn't be offended if I was invited to a wedding where BBQ was served. I would, however, be offended if I was invited to a wedding where BBQ was served, but I could have a lobster tail if I paid for it.

I don't accuse you of pulling it out of your asses, that's not what I meant by that. I'm all for friendly debate but WOW you all feel strongly about this. To each his (or her) own.

ShesSoCold · September 2013

Look, I understand that we come across harsh. But we're the strangers that aren't afraid to tell you the truth. Your friends and family probably aren't going to tell you that the one dress you love makes your butt look big or that they'd be offended by something you're planning. We will. We don't know you and we won't be guests at your wedding so ultimately, we really don't care what you do. But we're trying to help you look good and host a party well. If 20 or more of us (and reliable etiquette sources) think something is rude, chances are some of your guests will too.

And bottom line, to me, is that yes, some people may not be offended by bad etiquette. NO ONE, however, will be offended by good etiquette.

pengwinn · September 2013

As I said, I understand and appreciate that. On that note though, harshness and truth may go hand in hand sometimes but it's all about delivery. And if you do care about etiquette I would think that being polite to strangers on the internet would be considered good etiquette. Though not necessary - just pointing it out.

And let me just say I'm not talking about this particular situation - I didn't find anybody to be too harsh necessarily.

There are some people that will be kind and informative despite the internet (thought it's rare). But if you are making the point that you can be as rude as you want online, and you're on an etiquette board, it just seemed contradictory!

manateehugger · September 2013

pengwinn said:

As I said, I understand and appreciate that. On that note though, harshness and truth may go hand in hand sometimes but it's all about delivery. And if you do care about etiquette I would think that being polite to strangers on the internet would be considered good etiquette. Though not necessary - just pointing it out. And let me just say I'm not talking about this particular situation - I didn't find anybody to be too harsh necessarily.
There are some people that will be kind and informative despite the internet (thought it's rare). But if you are making the point that you can be as rude as you want online, and you're on an etiquette board, it just seemed contradictory!

How was anyone rude here? Specific example?

pengwinn · September 2013

I said above that I don't think anybody necessarily was in this situation. Just addressing what ShesSoCold was saying.

manateehugger · September 2013

pengwinn said:

I said above that I don't think anybody necessarily was in this situation. Just addressing what ShesSoCold was saying.

But where do you see "etiquette-breaking rudeness"? You brought up people being rude on an etiquette board. I'm just asking for an example.

If you say, "You're hideous in your dress." -Rude.

If you say, "The dress just isn't flattering on you." Blunt honesty.

If you say, "Only idiots have cash bars." - Rude.

If you say, "Cash bars are tacky and poor etiquette." Blunt honesty.

Cash Bars - Everything you need to know in one place

Re: Cash Bars - Everything you need to know in one place

Choose Another Board

Search Boards