Am I Wrong?
My parents are paying for most of my wedding with me picking up the difference. We are expecting 140 guests plus the bridal party at $150pp. My guest list consists of my close family, friends, and colleagues. My fiancé's list includes his parents, siblings, their kids, and a few close friends. My fiancé's mother wants my fiance to add her siblings (who she barely speaks to), their kids, and 4 friends.
We live in Miami but we are getting married in NY where I grew up. My fiancé's mother has siblings and friends who she says would love to come to our wedding. Who wouldn't want to come to a wedding? My stance is that these people are not close to my fiancé and have not seen or spoken to him in over 10 years. If my fiancé's mom wants to entertain these people, it should be on her dime. My fiancé's parents have not offered to contribute financially or in labor to our wedding. She hasn't even called and asked my mother if there is anything that she could do.
It's well known in my fiance's family that his parents are cheap. For his birthday (at the surprise party that I threw for him), his mom gave him an empty card and wrote inside, "I owe you your favorite Sunday dinner." She cooks a variation of the same meal every Sunday. For Christmas, she gave each child a picture of her and her husband that they had taken on a cruise. My fiancé's parents have never taken him out for a meal at Applebee's or even McDonald's. His parents are always entertaining friends at their home and they expect everyone to drop what they're doing to come and meet them. If my fiancé's mother wants to see her family and friends while she's in town for our wedding, that's fine, but I should not be expected to invite them to our reception. They are not close to me or my fiancé and if it were not for our wedding, she wouldn't be visiting them at all. She just wants to show off.
Am I wrong?
Re: Am I Wrong?
Your FI and you need to make this decision together and then let him address it with his mom. I suggest you and he give her a total number of guests she is permitted to invite. Complaining about her past Christmas gifts or lack of dinner invitations makes you seem like a bit of a whiner as it has no bearing on today's decisions. I would table that talk for good. Also, the "I" or "me" attitude, such as ... "My stance is that these people are not close to my fiance" and "I should not be expected to invite them to our reception," is a bit off putting or self-centered. I do agree with you about her reunion on your dime. We faced that as well.
Are you "required" to invite them? Probably not.
Should you do so anyway? Maybe. I wouldn't invite everyone your FMIL ever met, but I think inviting some of her most special people is a nice gesture, especially if your folks have a ton of people on their list. Yes, your parents are paying. But a wedding is about a union of two people and, to some extent, two families. I think that respecting your FMIL's feelings is a good start to your "new" life and your new formal relationship to your FMIL. And it would feel unbalanced to me to leave out all of her people (and, in terms of family, your FI's people too...even if they aren't seen often) if you invite the same type of people on your side.
My mom & step-dad gave us a good portion of the wedding money, the rest is from us. We're still inviting his family and at least one good family friend (whom he hasn't seen in eons but who is very important to his mother).
The bolded wasn't necessary. They can spend their money however they wish and it's not any of your business. So I'd try your best to just let all that go.
Technically you are not wrong. If they're not paying then they don't get a say. But you never said what your FI wants. In fact, I have no clue if he's even paying at all since you repeatedly said "I". If he is okay with inviting all or just a few of her list then I would just do it. What's the big deal really? You'll see them for half a second at the wedding and it will make your FMIL happy. Win win!
After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!
No. You're wrong.
1. Your FI's mother's siblings...AKA your FI's aunts/uncles? If this is the case, I would base it on how close your FI is with his aunts/uncles. Does he want to invite them? I know in my family, not inviting aunts/uncles would be considered a huge snub. If you could fit it into the budget, my advice would be to invite them.
2. Their kids...your FI's cousins? Same as above. Is he close with his cousins?
3. 4 friends: This is where I think you could draw the line. If you or your FI don't know/don't want their friends there, I see no problem with saying no, especially since they aren't contributing financially.
Ultimately though, like other posters said, it needs to be a mutual decision between you and your FI that takes into consideration family dynamics and your FI's feelings.