What Your Guests Really Think of Your Honeymoon Registry...
While my mom and I were discussing dress shopping appointments, etc., she mentioned an invitation to a co-worker's wedding she'd just gotten. Apparently, this was her first encounter with a honeymoon registry. She basically was so taken aback that she couldn't even put it into words: "I mean...who ever heard of...like, unbelievable...I just...I mean, I just can't even..."
I almost told her about the wedding we went to last summer, where the couple put their bank's routing number on their website "to help make their honeymoon to Scotland really special"...or the one this past summer, where the couple had a registry on their site, but wrote that it was "very small" because they would "really prefer cash for their honeymoon in St. Bart's since they already had everything they needed for their apartment." But I didn't want to give her a heart attack :P
I know this is definitely not the first honeymoon fund post, but I thought I'd share what a firsthand encounter looks like. While I know they're rude, I've grown to expect them and just sigh, but seeing one for the first time made my mom unable to even express how rude she thought it was.
Re: What Your Guests Really Think of Your Honeymoon Registry...
If they ask what you want, you can tell them you're saving up for a great honeymoon.
Other than that, nope. No way at all. Even if you say the above (which you can't do unless you're asked directly), some people just don't like to give cash as gifts. They'll still get you a physical gift.
Registering for your entire wedding.... That sounds super crazy to me!! Like welcome to my party please pick up your portion of the check over there before you leave?!??
I'm just excited to marry my man! We could do it in a Starbux with no gifts
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
I'm very glad I've since learned what they really are because, in theory, they sound fun. If not for TK I might even have started searching for one myself.
A honeymoon registry like where you "register" for a "dinner out" for $50 or something and then you just get the money?!?!?
I've heard of asking for money FOR your honeymoon or my grandma was talking about a honey fund where they just pay paled over money but an actual registry where you think you're buying stuff for someone?? That's so sneaky! THAT feels rude, and really wrong. There is no way a couple could allocate every dollar spent to every activity purchased! That's flat out lying to your guests.
A few coworkers of mine who are getting married soon have mentioned to me that they set up Honeyfunds. One of them told me "we think it'll encourage our guests to give cash, and we'll just get one big fat check at the end and it'll be awesome". They posted various excursions and dinners etc to their honeyfund that they do not intend to take. It's all kindof weird to me. Another coworker of mine set up a honeyfund but she said that it's something that her family accepts and expects her to do. I reminded her of the "processing fee" but she didn't mind.
In my circle, a Honeyfund would be frowned upon, gossiped about, and no one would use it to give a gift.
Interesting tidbit - Did you know that you can get a REFUND from Honeyfund if you change your mind? My sister was uninvited to a wedding 2 weeks prior to the event (not sure of the backstory there) so she called Honeyfund to get her money back and they quickly processed her full refund.
We have the same issue. We've been living together for nearly 5 years and don't really need any of the typical wedding gifts. We are also doing a cruise wedding where guests are not allowed to bring gifts to the wedding, except for cards & cash... well, they could but it would be super inconvenient for everyone involved and we would have to pay a customs tax for all gifts received. :-o
So, here's what we put on registry page (last page) of our wedding website:
First, we don't really need anything. Just attending our wedding and celebrating with us, especially since it is destination wedding, or even sending out warm thoughts if you can't come is more than enough and greatly appreciated.
If you really have money burning a hole in your pocket, we have been very fortunate in our lives and there are a lot of people not so lucky. So, here are a list of charities that have personal meaning to us that you can make donation in our name. Then we listed a couple charities we have checked out and love. One is a cancer charity (FI had cancer several years ago), One is for spine disorders (which I suffer from), one is for Habitat for Humanity (which we volunteer with and support). All charities we recommend had to provide at least 80% of donations to their cause, not overhead.
Then for those that really want to buy us stuff, we have links to a few store registries, with instructions to please ship to our home prior to wedding. We knew some people prefer to buy actual gifts, especially the older, more traditional people, so we struggled to find at least a few items in various price ranges to help those people out... mainly upgrades of items we use often.
I imagine that most people will just give us cash, but there may be some who donate to good causes or buy from our registries also.
I'd be impressed if you gave the cash people sent you to a charity.
Which one?
One that's with my actual honeymoon hotel.
Whenever someone in our friend circle asks about our honeymoon plans and I tell them it's up in the air until we see how long it takes us to get jobs after we finish our grad programs, they immediately suggest we do a honeymoon registry for that exact reason--because people give cash at weddings anyway and this would "encourage" them to do so. First, who needs to be "encouraged" to give cash? It's only the easiest gift ever! Also, no one seems to get that asking/encouraging people to give you cash is very different from people just giving you cash because that's what they chose to do without any prompting.
But that is good to know about the refund--perhaps Honeyfund does have a soul after all!