Wedding Etiquette Forum

What Your Guests Really Think of Your Honeymoon Registry...

While my mom and I were discussing dress shopping appointments, etc., she mentioned an invitation to a co-worker's wedding she'd just gotten. Apparently, this was her first encounter with a honeymoon registry. She basically was so taken aback that she couldn't even put it into words: "I mean...who ever heard of...like, unbelievable...I just...I mean, I just can't even..."

I  almost told her about the wedding we went to last summer, where the couple put their bank's routing number on their website "to help make their honeymoon to Scotland really special"...or the one this past summer, where the couple had a registry on their site, but wrote that it was "very small" because they would "really prefer cash for their honeymoon in St. Bart's since they already had everything they needed for their apartment." But I didn't want to give her a heart attack :P

I know this is definitely not the first honeymoon fund post, but I thought I'd share what a firsthand encounter looks like. While I know they're rude, I've grown to expect them and just sigh, but seeing one for the first time made my mom unable to even express how rude she thought it was.

southernbelle0915APDSS22KeptInStitchesBlue_Birdkitty8403Liatris2010NYCMercedesAngusaurpeachy0722
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Re: What Your Guests Really Think of Your Honeymoon Registry...

  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 Figment of Your Imagination member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    There were a LOT of horrified whispers among my aunts and my mom about my cousin's Honeyfund.  Not just what it was, but the fact that she registered for her ENTIRE destination wedding there (including wedding attire and booze), AND they emailed the link to a lot of people who weren't invited to the wedding at all, including said mom and aunts (and cousins). Repeatedly. With reminders of how long was left for them to get everything.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • So is there ANY not tacky way to tell you're guests you don't need anything and you'd rather have a better honeymoon then another blender?
    PetKatSold2011
  • My grandma just called me up just appalled that she just got invited to a wedding where they had a "honey fund" and I'd never heard of it. I don't get why it's rude! (I understand that it's rude because my grandma told me and will not do this!!!) I fell like people give gifts at weddings and telling them that if they would like to give a gift please just send cash seems fine to me. If be fine with that. I would also in complete honesty be fine if people didn't give us gifts. I make a lot of jokes about needing a new blender (I really do lol) but I would never invite someone in the spirit of getting gifts or throw a party for that reason so maybe that's why it seems less rude to me.

    Registering for your entire wedding.... That sounds super crazy to me!! Like welcome to my party please pick up your portion of the check over there before you leave?!??
  • I am not offended by hm registries.  I do however think the couple is being grossly inefficient by adding a middleman to the cash gifts. So I would not buy off a hm registry.  I also didn't have one because of the middleman aspect and because I know some people think it is tacky.
    pbi9994PetKatSold2011
  • I think it might just be a generational/how I grew up thing. I see WHY it's rude it just doesn't give me that "how rude" feeling.
    pbi9994DaphneM7PetKatSold2011
  • My grandma just called me up just appalled that she just got invited to a wedding where they had a "honey fund" and I'd never heard of it. I don't get why it's rude! (I understand that it's rude because my grandma told me and will not do this!!!) I fell like people give gifts at weddings and telling them that if they would like to give a gift please just send cash seems fine to me. If be fine with that. I would also in complete honesty be fine if people didn't give us gifts. I make a lot of jokes about needing a new blender (I really do lol) but I would never invite someone in the spirit of getting gifts or throw a party for that reason so maybe that's why it seems less rude to me. Registering for your entire wedding.... That sounds super crazy to me!! Like welcome to my party please pick up your portion of the check over there before you leave?!??
    Asking for cash in any form (gift cards, cash registry, etc) is inappropriate. People already know cash is a great gift and will give it if they want to. Do you really think your guests need to be reminded of this?  You never ask or tell people what to get you. If you want cash do a small registry to guide those who want to give a physical gift and others will give cash if they want.
    PrettyGirlLostdoeydoKeptInStitches
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    So is there ANY not tacky way to tell you're guests you don't need anything and you'd rather have a better honeymoon then another blender?
    Don't register for anything anywhere.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    [Deleted User]Blue_Birdoffthemarket915
  • FI's cousin got married last year, and that was the first time I had ever seen a honeymoon registry. I wasn't offended by it at the time and, in fact, we bought something for them off of it because it's the only registry they had. BUT, now knowing that it is rude, and now knowing that they didn't even actually get the gift we thought we gave them but a check instead, I'm really disappointed.

    I'm very glad I've since learned what they really are because, in theory, they sound fun. If not for TK I might even have started searching for one myself.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Mind blown A honeymoon registry like where you "register" for a "dinner out" for $50 or something and then you just get the money?!?!? I've heard of asking for money FOR your honeymoon or my grandma was talking about a honey fund where they just pay paled over money but an actual registry where you think you're buying stuff for someone?? That's so sneaky! THAT feels rude, and really wrong. There is no way a couple could allocate every dollar spent to every activity purchased! That's flat out lying to your guests.
    Exactly!  You will be surprised just how many brides on here feel differently about it.  But lying and deceiving is never a good thing to do to your loved ones.

  • APDSS22APDSS22 O-K-L-A-H-O-M-A is OK member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer

    I'm honestly glad my grandma brought it up to me. Whether I think it's rude or not, how offended she was would steer me away from that. I wouldn't ever want to offend a bunch of people I loved enough to invite to my wedding.

    I'm just excited to marry my man! We could do it in a Starbux with no gifts :D

    And that right there is why we try to steer brides away from it. The point is even if only your grandma is offended by the hm registry, you can avoid offending her by just having a small traditional registry or none at all. That's just being polite to your guests. If people want to give you a gift, they already know cash or checks are awesome and versatile.

    doeydo
  • Really if a couple wants cash I don't mind giving cash as a gift, but I just hate the farce of a honeyfund or similar site! I am sure there are plenty of guests who believe they are buying you an excursion swimming with the dolphins or a candlelit dinner. I would be pretty mad and disappointed to find out after that the couple just got a check. If you want cash, don't register and people will get the hint. 
    PrettyGirlLost
  • Mind blown A honeymoon registry like where you "register" for a "dinner out" for $50 or something and then you just get the money?!?!? I've heard of asking for money FOR your honeymoon or my grandma was talking about a honey fund where they just pay paled over money but an actual registry where you think you're buying stuff for someone?? That's so sneaky! THAT feels rude, and really wrong. There is no way a couple could allocate every dollar spent to every activity purchased! That's flat out lying to your guests.
    That's usually how they are too, they're totally deceptive.  One of my friends did one where you could buy "dinner" for the couple... but they went to an all inclusive!  So it was just a general contribution to the honeymoon (minus the "registries" cut of course).  Its lying, and it just feels icky all over.
  • A few coworkers of mine who are getting married soon have mentioned to me that they set up Honeyfunds. One of them told me "we think it'll encourage our guests to give cash, and we'll just get one big fat check at the end and it'll be awesome". They posted various excursions and dinners etc to their honeyfund that they do not intend to take. It's all kindof weird to me. Another coworker of mine set up a honeyfund but she said that it's something that her family accepts and expects her to do. I reminded her of the "processing fee" but she didn't mind.

    In my circle, a Honeyfund would be frowned upon, gossiped about, and no one would use it to give a gift.   

    Interesting tidbit - Did you know that you can get a REFUND from Honeyfund if you change your mind? My sister was uninvited to a wedding 2 weeks prior to the event (not sure of the backstory there) so she called Honeyfund to get her money back and they quickly processed her full refund.  

    grumbledorelauralee1723PrettyGirlLostkmmssg
  • @clairekundinger

    A way to let guests know that you would prefer cash would be to create a small registry with only a few items (such as a blender ;) ) for those guests who always give a physical gift. But by looking at the registry, most guests will get the idea that you don't need much. 

    Otherwise, as said, if they ask, you can say you're saving up for a honeymoon.

    I was also pretty flabbergasted when I learned that HM don't actually give the B&G the item your purchased! Friends of ours had a HM registry with things like a couples massage, dinner, etc. When I first saw it, though I didn't contribute to it, it didn't bother me, as I realize lots of people treasure memories and want to create experiences with their new spouse. But I didn't realize until reading on these boards that the B&G don't actually get what you "paid" for (including the service fee). I'd rather give the B&G a cheque and tell them "it's for the HM". 
  • Pffft I'd rather the B&G tell me they aren't getting any of that crap and they are just playing me to get me to buy stuff!! I feel like it's a way to get MORE money too because someone who would flip you a 20 couldn't do that they would have to buy you dinner for $50! Well not have to but I think the whole thing just kind of ticks me off. I would be upset with one of my friends or family if they did that.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its

    Interesting tidbit - Did you know that you can get a REFUND from Honeyfund if you change your mind? My sister was uninvited to a wedding 2 weeks prior to the event (not sure of the backstory there) so she called Honeyfund to get her money back and they quickly processed her full refund.  

    That is the first good thing I have heard about Honeyfund! At least they have that going for them ;) 
    I can't believe she got univited, but at least she got money back!
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

    annathy03lauralee1723PrettyGirlLost
  • Just to be clear, there ARE honeymoon registries where the bride and groom do actually get what it is they registered for and not a check minus fees. I don't have a problem with any kind of honeymoon registry personally (though I don't get why someone would willingly register for something, knowing they'll have to fork over a percentage in fees), but I don't understand why anyone would have a problem with a registry where you do actually get that dinner on the beach or that snorkeling excursion.
    PetKatSold2011
  • princessleia22princessleia22 Oceanfront Property in Arizona member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    So is there ANY not tacky way to tell you're guests you don't need anything and you'd rather have a better honeymoon then another blender?


    We have the same issue.  We've been living together for nearly 5 years and don't really need any of the typical wedding gifts.  We are also doing a cruise wedding where guests are not allowed to bring gifts to the wedding, except for cards & cash... well, they could but it would be super inconvenient for everyone involved and we would have to pay a customs tax for all gifts received. :-o 

    So, here's what we put on registry page (last page) of our wedding website:

    First, we don't really need anything.  Just attending our wedding and celebrating with us, especially since it is destination wedding, or even sending out warm thoughts if you can't come is more than enough and greatly appreciated.

    If you really have money burning a hole in your pocket, we have been very fortunate in our lives and there are a lot of people not so lucky.  So, here are a list of charities that have personal meaning to us that you can make donation in our name.  Then we listed a couple charities we have checked out and love.  One is a cancer charity (FI had cancer several years ago), One is for spine disorders (which I suffer from), one is for Habitat for Humanity (which we volunteer with and support).  All charities we recommend had to provide at least 80% of donations to their cause, not overhead.

    Then for those that really want to buy us stuff, we have links to a few store registries, with instructions to please ship to our home prior to wedding.  We knew some people prefer to buy actual gifts, especially the older, more traditional people, so we struggled to find at least a few items in various price ranges to help those people out... mainly upgrades of items we use often. 

    I imagine that most people will just give us cash, but there may be some who donate to good causes or buy from our registries also.

    image 

  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    nicoann said:
    So is there ANY not tacky way to tell you're guests you don't need anything and you'd rather have a better honeymoon then another blender?


    We have the same issue.  We've been living together for nearly 5 years and don't really need any of the typical wedding gifts.  We are also doing a cruise wedding where guests are not allowed to bring gifts to the wedding, except for cards & cash... well, they could but it would be super inconvenient for everyone involved and we would have to pay a customs tax for all gifts received. :-o 

    So, here's what we put on registry page (last page) of our wedding website:

    First, we don't really need anything.  Just attending our wedding and celebrating with us, especially since it is destination wedding, or even sending out warm thoughts if you can't come is more than enough and greatly appreciated.

    If you really have money burning a hole in your pocket, we have been very fortunate in our lives and there are a lot of people not so lucky.  So, here are a list of charities that have personal meaning to us that you can make donation in our name.  Then we listed a couple charities we have checked out and love.  One is a cancer charity (FI had cancer several years ago), One is for spine disorders (which I suffer from), one is for Habitat for Humanity (which we volunteer with and support).  All charities we recommend had to provide at least 80% of donations to their cause, not overhead.

    Then for those that really want to buy us stuff, we have links to a few store registries, with instructions to please ship to our home prior to wedding.  We knew some people prefer to buy actual gifts, especially the older, more traditional people, so we struggled to find at least a few items in various price ranges to help those people out... mainly upgrades of items we use often. 

    I imagine that most people will just give us cash, but there may be some who donate to good causes or buy from our registries also.


    I'd be impressed if you gave the cash people sent you to a charity.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Just to be clear, there ARE honeymoon registries where the bride and groom do actually get what it is they registered for and not a check minus fees. I don't have a problem with any kind of honeymoon registry personally (though I don't get why someone would willingly register for something, knowing they'll have to fork over a percentage in fees), but I don't understand why anyone would have a problem with a registry where you do actually get that dinner on the beach or that snorkeling excursion.

    Which one?
    Maggie0829southernbelle0915MuppetOverlord
  • Just to be clear, there ARE honeymoon registries where the bride and groom do actually get what it is they registered for and not a check minus fees. I don't have a problem with any kind of honeymoon registry personally (though I don't get why someone would willingly register for something, knowing they'll have to fork over a percentage in fees), but I don't understand why anyone would have a problem with a registry where you do actually get that dinner on the beach or that snorkeling excursion.

    Which one?

    One that's with my actual honeymoon hotel.
  • My grandma just called me up just appalled that she just got invited to a wedding where they had a "honey fund" and I'd never heard of it. I don't get why it's rude! (I understand that it's rude because my grandma told me and will not do this!!!) I fell like people give gifts at weddings and telling them that if they would like to give a gift please just send cash seems fine to me. If be fine with that. I would also in complete honesty be fine if people didn't give us gifts. I make a lot of jokes about needing a new blender (I really do lol) but I would never invite someone in the spirit of getting gifts or throw a party for that reason so maybe that's why it seems less rude to me. Registering for your entire wedding.... That sounds super crazy to me!! Like welcome to my party please pick up your portion of the check over there before you leave?!??
    Asking for cash is always rude.  Always.  And that is exactly what a honeymoon registry does. With a honeymoon registry your guests are thinking that they are buying you and your FI a romantic dinner on the beach but what you actually end up getting is a check, minus a fee from the website.  You don't get a reserved romantic dinner.

    A wedding registry is a way to help your guests who wish to give you a gift an idea of what you and your FI may need or the style/colors you prefer.  In no way is a registry a way to push your guests to buy you gifts.  Gifts are never required but if a guest would like to buy you something then they have your registry to know what you may like (it is kind of like making a Christmas wish list...you would love the items on it but you in no way expect to actually get them).


    This exactly. Thanks, Maggie0829!
    PrettyGirlLost
  • A few coworkers of mine who are getting married soon have mentioned to me that they set up Honeyfunds. One of them told me "we think it'll encourage our guests to give cash, and we'll just get one big fat check at the end and it'll be awesome". They posted various excursions and dinners etc to their honeyfund that they do not intend to take. It's all kindof weird to me. Another coworker of mine set up a honeyfund but she said that it's something that her family accepts and expects her to do. I reminded her of the "processing fee" but she didn't mind.

    In my circle, a Honeyfund would be frowned upon, gossiped about, and no one would use it to give a gift.   

    Interesting tidbit - Did you know that you can get a REFUND from Honeyfund if you change your mind? My sister was uninvited to a wedding 2 weeks prior to the event (not sure of the backstory there) so she called Honeyfund to get her money back and they quickly processed her full refund.  


    Whenever someone in our friend circle asks about our honeymoon plans and I tell them it's up in the air until we see how long it takes us to get jobs after we finish our grad programs, they immediately suggest we do a honeymoon registry for that exact reason--because people give cash at weddings anyway and this would "encourage" them to do so. First, who needs to be "encouraged" to give cash? It's only the easiest gift ever! Also, no one seems to get that asking/encouraging people to give you cash is very different from people just giving you cash because that's what they chose to do without any prompting.

    But that is good to know about the refund--perhaps Honeyfund does have a soul after all!

    PrettyGirlLost
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