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Etiquette

EDITED WITH POLL: For those of you trying to defend honeymoon registries. . .

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Re: EDITED WITH POLL: For those of you trying to defend honeymoon registries. . .

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    What in the world is the problem with a HM fund? Why is it tacky? What is the difference between doing the HM fund and just giving a check? You are giving money either way. I don't want things. I have enough things. We are living together and don't need any more crap laying around the house. If you want to give me something, give me money for my honeymoon. I really dont understand what the problem is. If you don't want to give money then dont give anything! Seriously, I do not want another dish set or serving spoon!
    FFS!  Have you not read this thread or the millions of other threads on HM registries that are on these boards?  Find the search bar and use it.

    SKPMLiatris2010aurorajanette
  • edited November 2013
    My wedding is in 5 months and I'm doing a HMR. FI and I love to travel and several of our friends/siblings do too. How many guests contributed? We had our first of two showers last weekend (hosted and attended by OOT bridal party, wanted to give them some space in between travel times) and had our first contribution from my brother and SIL, avid travelers. How much money did you get? TBD Did it actually pay for the entire honeymoon? We don't expect it to. Airfare and hotel are already purchased. If you went, did you actually do the things that people paid for - beach dinners, massage, scuba lessons, etc.  We will. I love the idea of sending a photo of the activity (with the exceptin of massages) to the giver with the TY. In all honesty, we will likely do most of the activities we registered for regardless of whether they are gifted to us or not. Zip-line, paddle boarding, massages, winery tour. I had a bit of a challenge convincing my mother that a HMR was okay. We are also registered at BBB for the shower that her friends are hosting and anyone else who prefers the box gift route. I did a HMR because I would love to contribute to one as a guest - just haven't had the chance to yet. Yes, we can pay for our own honeymoon. Just like we are paying for our own wedding. Our guests understand that we are fully capable. But for those who think it's fun to contribute to an experience, the option is there.
    To the bolded- they don't need a honeymoon registry to contribute to an "experience". If you're taking a honeymoon then they can give you a check towards it. Hell, they can even write "for a couples massage" on the memo! The option is always there. I think it's pretty safe to say everyone knows cash is a welcome, and sometimes preferred, gift. A honeymoon registry isn't needed to let your guests know that.
    kaddessi said:
    What in the world is the problem with a HM fund? Why is it tacky? What is the difference between doing the HM fund and just giving a check? You are giving money either way. I don't want things. I have enough things. We are living together and don't need any more crap laying around the house. If you want to give me something, give me money for my honeymoon. I really dont understand what the problem is. If you don't want to give money then dont give anything! Seriously, I do not want another dish set or serving spoon!

    Did you read even one reply to this thread? A sentence even? There is no difference between buying off a HMR and giving a check except that the HMR typically charges a fee (when you can do the same thing for free), is deceptive, and screams "JUST GIVE ME MONEY!!!!!" which is soooo incredibly rude. That's the entire point. You don't need a rude "registry" to let people know you'd prefer cash.

    You don't want anything? Then don't register. People know cash is a welcome and usually preferred gift. But someone will probably get you that serving spoon anyway (maybe with beyonce the metal chicken's picture on it). Or they can pull it out of one's ass if one is rude enough to have a HMR anyway.

    After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

  • I am probably going to be slammed for this but I see no difference between asking for cash, HM registries, OR gift registries. To me they are ALL "GIVE ME SOMETHING THAT I WANT". The only difference with gift registries is you get to pick from a list. The entire registry thing just needs to end...
    Blergbot
  • Lindzxxo said:
    I am probably going to be slammed for this but I see no difference between asking for cash, HM registries, OR gift registries. To me they are ALL "GIVE ME SOMETHING THAT I WANT". The only difference with gift registries is you get to pick from a list. The entire registry thing just needs to end...
    I see your point, but gift registries really are for the convenience of your guests who want to buy you things.  For example, when I buy gifts for weddings or showers, I appreciate having a registry because I know that the couple will actually use/keep what I'm buying them.  One of my "go to" gifts for couples is a nice vase.  Of course I could pick one out myself, but I have no way of knowing if the couple will like the vase that I liked.  I prefer to buy something from the registry because the vase I end up buying might not be something I would have ever picked out myself, but it makes me happy knowing that they will actually use it and like it.

    I like registries for that reason.  So long as they aren't anywhere near the invitations.

    There's no similar experience for a cash registry.  I know they will like cash.  I know they will use cash.  
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
  • LindzxxoLindzxxo member
    Second Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited November 2013
    I am not a fan of "I want this or that so pick one". In my experience a lot of couples put stuff registries that they really do not want or really need. They just looked through and they decided that something looked cool so they put it on the registry.I had a friend who, rather than recieving a bunch of random vases or china that will just sit collecting dust and rarely ever be used, recieved cash which was then put towards car payments (note they just didn't register for anything). My thing is if you don't know they couple well enough to give them a heartfelt gift that you thought up yourself just give them cash so they can put it towards something they truly need.


    ETA: This was suppose to be in reply to @NYCBruin
  • NYCBruinNYCBruin member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    edited November 2013
    Lindzxxo said:
    I am not a fan of "I want this or that so pick one". In my experience a lot of couples put stuff registries that they really do not want or really need. They just looked through and they decided that something looked cool so they put it on the registry.I had a friend who, rather than recieving a bunch of random vases or china that will just sit collecting dust and rarely ever be used, recieved cash which was then put towards car payments (note they just didn't register for anything). My thing is if you don't know they couple well enough to give them a heartfelt gift that you thought up yourself just give them cash so they can put it towards something they truly need.


    ETA: This was suppose to be in reply to @NYCBruin
    There's nothing wrong with couple's not registering.  I think it's wrong to register for things you have no intention of using/keeping.  

    I was just pointing out that for many couples who would be using the cash they received to purchase things for their home, a registry is a nice way for a lot of people who prefer to give a physical gift buy something that the couple will actually want.

    There are also some people who just don't give cash for a variety of reasons.  Without a registry, they have to guess at what the couple would like/want/use.  Most of them prefer when a couple has a registry.

    ETA and while you think some things would just collect dust or would never be used, that's not the case for a lot of couples.  We did not register for a lot of stuff, but we only registered for things that we absolutely will use if someone is kind enough to purchase them as a gift.
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Why did you?
    It was what the couple had registered for, and I didn't know any better. At the time, I thought it was brilliant. Then I discovered TK and found out it's a bit of a scam and all the reasons it sucks. 

    Were you made aware of any fees?
    Nope. 

    If you purchased them an item or an activity are you sure they actually received it?
    Nope b/c we never got a thank you card, either. 

    Why did you use the HM registry rather than just giving cash?
    See above.


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image

  • NYCBruin said:
    Lindzxxo said:
    I am not a fan of "I want this or that so pick one". In my experience a lot of couples put stuff registries that they really do not want or really need. They just looked through and they decided that something looked cool so they put it on the registry.I had a friend who, rather than recieving a bunch of random vases or china that will just sit collecting dust and rarely ever be used, recieved cash which was then put towards car payments (note they just didn't register for anything). My thing is if you don't know they couple well enough to give them a heartfelt gift that you thought up yourself just give them cash so they can put it towards something they truly need.


    ETA: This was suppose to be in reply to @NYCBruin
    There's nothing wrong with couple's not registering.  I think it's wrong to register for things you have no intention of using/keeping.  

    I was just pointing out that for many couples who would be using the cash they received to purchase things for their home, a registry is a nice way for a lot of people who prefer to give a physical gift buy something that the couple will actually want.

    There are also some people who just don't give cash for a variety of reasons.  Without a registry, they have to guess at what the couple would like/want/use.  Most of them prefer when a couple has a registry.

    ETA and while you think some things would just collect dust or would never be used, that's not the case for a lot of couples.  We did not register for a lot of stuff, but we only registered for things that we absolutely will use if someone is kind enough to purchase them as a gift.
    That still doesn't make it any less "gimme gimme" than HM registries. Either way you are asking for SOMETHING (which seems to be the major gripe of those against HM funds) and to me asking for ANYTHING is rude.
  • Lindzxxo said:

    NYCBruin said:
    Lindzxxo said:
    I am not a fan of "I want this or that so pick one". In my experience a lot of couples put stuff registries that they really do not want or really need. They just looked through and they decided that something looked cool so they put it on the registry.I had a friend who, rather than recieving a bunch of random vases or china that will just sit collecting dust and rarely ever be used, recieved cash which was then put towards car payments (note they just didn't register for anything). My thing is if you don't know they couple well enough to give them a heartfelt gift that you thought up yourself just give them cash so they can put it towards something they truly need.


    ETA: This was suppose to be in reply to @NYCBruin
    There's nothing wrong with couple's not registering.  I think it's wrong to register for things you have no intention of using/keeping.  

    I was just pointing out that for many couples who would be using the cash they received to purchase things for their home, a registry is a nice way for a lot of people who prefer to give a physical gift buy something that the couple will actually want.

    There are also some people who just don't give cash for a variety of reasons.  Without a registry, they have to guess at what the couple would like/want/use.  Most of them prefer when a couple has a registry.

    ETA and while you think some things would just collect dust or would never be used, that's not the case for a lot of couples.  We did not register for a lot of stuff, but we only registered for things that we absolutely will use if someone is kind enough to purchase them as a gift.
    That still doesn't make it any less "gimme gimme" than HM registries. Either way you are asking for SOMETHING (which seems to be the major gripe of those against HM funds) and to me asking for ANYTHING is rude.
    Registries are helpful for guests.  HM registries are not.  That's a key difference.  Think of the registry as a central location for FAQ such as "what color linens would match your decor?" "what china pattern do you like?" "do you need a blender or do you already have one?"
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
    APDSS22
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