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Bridesmaid drama!!!! So over it!

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Re: Bridesmaid drama!!!! So over it!

  • maryemoomaryemoo member
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    Am I the ONLY one who thinks it's totally understandable to not allow a drug addict (SOMEONE WHO IS DANGEROUS TO THEMSELVES AND OTHERS AND IS PARTICIPATING IN ILLEGAL ACTIVITY) to come to your own wedding? Yes?  Well I sure as hell wouldn't allow someone like that at my wedding, ESPECIALLY since there would be cops there. Can ANY of you HONESTLY say that you totally wouldn't mind at all if a bunch of cops arrested a guest in the middle of your wedding and disrupted/ruined everything?

    katieg520 I personally wouldn't feel bad about that one. Also, is it possible to still let the local one be a MOH and just say something like, "hey, I know that helping me out with all of this stuff is causing you a lot of stress, this is supposed to be a fun time for both of us, so don't worry about it" and then delegate those tasks to other people?

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  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
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    maryemoo said:

    Am I the ONLY one who thinks it's totally understandable to not allow a drug addict (SOMEONE WHO IS DANGEROUS TO THEMSELVES AND OTHERS AND IS PARTICIPATING IN ILLEGAL ACTIVITY) to come to your own wedding? Yes?  Well I sure as hell wouldn't allow someone like that at my wedding, ESPECIALLY since there would be cops there. Can ANY of you HONESTLY say that you totally wouldn't mind at all if a bunch of cops arrested a guest in the middle of your wedding and disrupted/ruined everything?

    katieg520 I personally wouldn't feel bad about that one. Also, is it possible to still let the local one be a MOH and just say something like, "hey, I know that helping me out with all of this stuff is causing you a lot of stress, this is supposed to be a fun time for both of us, so don't worry about it" and then delegate those tasks to other people?


    That's just a terrible idea. 1. You don't replace people. The first one knows she's failed to live up to the bride's expectations and the second one knows she's second choice, 2. There are absolutely no tasks that a MOH has, other than to buy the dress and show up. If a bride needs help, she should ask her fiance. There is nothing to delegate to your nearest and dearest friends.
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  • katieg520katieg520 member
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    I'm glad you agree with me @maryemoo as far as the not wanting that dude to be there. I didn't care what anybody said about that, I am sticking my ground. I have a cousin I'm not inviting (with the support of my mother) for the same reason, lol.

    @NYCMercedes I don't plan on having this girl replaced. I will just be down one less BP member if it does come down to that.

    The plot has indeed thickened on this story, things have gotten worse and I'm not sure this girl will stay in my BP.
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  • Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 member
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    maryemoo said:

    Am I the ONLY one who thinks it's totally understandable to not allow a drug addict (SOMEONE WHO IS DANGEROUS TO THEMSELVES AND OTHERS AND IS PARTICIPATING IN ILLEGAL ACTIVITY) to come to your own wedding? Yes?  Well I sure as hell wouldn't allow someone like that at my wedding, ESPECIALLY since there would be cops there. Can ANY of you HONESTLY say that you totally wouldn't mind at all if a bunch of cops arrested a guest in the middle of your wedding and disrupted/ruined everything?

    katieg520 I personally wouldn't feel bad about that one. Also, is it possible to still let the local one be a MOH and just say something like, "hey, I know that helping me out with all of this stuff is causing you a lot of stress, this is supposed to be a fun time for both of us, so don't worry about it" and then delegate those tasks to other people?

    Dude, you don't need to use caps IN EVERY SINGLE POST.



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  • maryemoomaryemoo member
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    Dreamergirl8812 Dude, it's for emphasis...you don't need to get offended by that.
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  • blueobsidianblueobsidian member
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    maryemoo said:
    Dreamergirl8812 Dude, it's for emphasis...you don't need to get offended by that.
    Typing is all caps is considered yelling on the internet.  Don't you get offended when people yell at you?
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  • PolarBearFitzPolarBearFitz member
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    edited October 2013

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  • MeguslerMegusler member
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    Can I offer the advice to quit feeding this forum with details about your wedding if you're tired of people giving you advice and saying you're a bridezilla? They're obviously going to be petty about small details (looking at you previous poster) and you're obviously going to be offended and feel the need to justify yourself to people you will never meet. Maybe you like the attention, which if so, keep on with your bad self. But if you really don't appreciate people's negative opinions of the way you have chosen to run you wedding then quit letting them judge it. The only person you need to justify your decisions to are your fiance and family. I know this a snark board, but I was expecting brides being funny and witty not tearing other people down.
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  • ser523ser523 member
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    Okay, I think everyone is being too harsh with you, though you might want to ease up on the girls.

    As for the planning of things: Traditionally, the bride's family plans and hosts the engagement party. To which the groom's family may also choose to throw their own party or cohost with the bride's family. Also traditionally, the MOH and the bridesmaids (and often the MOB) plan and throw the bridal shower.  Other family members or friends might want to help with the shower.  And the bridesmaids and MOH typically plan the bachelorette party. 

    However, everyone does things their own way these days! 

    I wanted to note that I understand that typically, you do invite the significant others of guests.  However, I plan to have a small wedding myself and we are going to allow guests to only bring fiances/spouses/super long term SO's.  And I support your exclusion of the drug addict bf.  However, if it were me, I would also be prepared for the possibility that said person might not attend the wedding without the bf.

    Hope that's at least a little helpful! 


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  • PolarBearFitzPolarBearFitz member
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    What measurement of time denotes 'super long term' exactly?
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  • jess.davilajess.davila member
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    Okay, am I the only one here who thinks it is absolutely retarded to be obligated to invite a known drug user to a wedding? Personally, I wouldn't have bothered asking the girl to be in the wedding party at all, just to avoid that bit of awkwardness. But there is nothing in the world that demands that you invited a DRUG USER to your WEDDING. How do you know he won't show up with drug paraphernalia on him? Did none of you consider whether or not children might be a the event?

    Wow...

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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    Did we even cover what kind of drug user this person is? Does he smoke pot? If so, BFD. Or are we talking someone that shoots up heroin? 

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  • robinwinegirlrobinwinegirl member
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    edited November 2013
    Hmmm.... I think that both your MOH and Matron of Honor are emotionally unable to stand by your side at this moment in time. Have you tried asking them what would work for them and how you can help them? You could use this time to grow closer to them and reestablish the bonds that you once had. I agree that they should not be "servants or maids" but they should be by your side during the engagement and activities leading up to the wedding. They should want to help and attend planned events (it's supposed to be fun). They are  your best friends that should want to stand and support you while you marry your future husband. The idea that they just have to wear the dress and look pretty in pictures is not the real purpose. They should support you emotionally and be helpful (not servant helpful though.) I am in a similar boat with my own sister and I'd rather her not participate than just stand and look pretty. Hang in there :)
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  • cruffinocruffino member
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    jess.davila said:

    Okay, am I the only one here who thinks it is absolutely retarded to be obligated to invite a known drug user to a wedding? Personally, I wouldn't have bothered asking the girl to be in the wedding party at all, just to avoid that bit of awkwardness. But there is nothing in the world that demands that you invited a DRUG USER to your WEDDING. How do you know he won't show up with drug paraphernalia on him? Did none of you consider whether or not children might be a the event?

    Wow...

    it sounds like the MOH also has a substance abuse problem. OP mentioned a pill addiction. everyone's jumping on the guy's jock, but the MOH is struggling with the same problem. 

    yeah, and lose the "r" word. it's offensive.
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  • maryemoomaryemoo member
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    I genuinely apologize for offending anyone, but I stand by my original statement.
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  • Amyzen83Amyzen83 member
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    So after reading all of this here are my 2 cents: 

    1) OP I have to admit that when I first read your post you sounded very harsh about your friends, and came off as a bit entitled, and very YOU focused, and I then I read about how you were cutting out someone's SO as we are all aware on these boards is a NO NO. Clearly, that would make any friend upset. However I realized you were venting out of frustration...I'd be upset too if one of my closest friends wouldn't be able to come to my wedding because their husband wouldn't allow them to come. I also read some of the other people's responses and thought they were just as harsh and said some pretty hurtful things. Two wrongs don't make a right.

    2) I'm sorry for what you are going through and after further reading, you finally let us in on the deeper issues, and I can imagine that there are some heavy duty things weighing on you, and for that you are in my prayers and I don't know what I'd do in your situation honestly. I agree with maryemoo that I wouldn't want to invite some drug addict to my wedding either unless it was just a matter of pot. Drug addicts have potential to cause all sorts of drama, but at the same time there are probably some who can function in normal social situations without incident. For me personally, I wouldn't risk it, but I would also not invite my friend if she was insisting on being with someone so destructive.

    3) For awhile it seemed like you were really taking to heart what everyone here was saying until you reposted the Knot's article. What were you trying to achieve with that? That you were right the whole time and everyone else is a bunch of judgy b--ches who are talking out of their asses when all they were only trying to do was understand where you were coming from and trying to help you? That's not a very nice thing to do. It's not about being "right" it's about treating your bridesmaids with respect. 

    4) I read the same exact article and this is my opinion of it: I believe that this article was targeted towards women who have been asked to be part of a bridal party and want to know how as bridesmaids they can help their friend or relative, but I see these merely as traditional suggestions not requirements. In other words the bride has no business reading this and using it as a license to require these things out of their bridesmaids. If they want to help, then that's awesome, otherwise it is rude to pursue and micromanage that they are fulfilling "their duties". I also hate the part about the MOH keeping "other bridesmaids in line". There's nothing I hate more than an alfa female bridesmaid. At my own wedding if I see any of my bridesmaids trying to boss my other bridesmaids around, the bossy one is going to get called out.

    Anyway sorry this is long winded, but I'm just expressing my opinion and I really really do hope that the rest of your planning is going smoothly, and that your friend will hopefully seek out the help that she needs independently, but otherwise, if I were you I would just focus on the more important aspects of the wedding planning process with your FI who is really the only other person you need to concern yourself with. Relax and try to see where everyone else is coming from when you are asking for advice, even if you may not like nor agree with what others say. Such is the plight of posting online to a bunch of strangers who can't possibly know the real you or your life.
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