Wedding Etiquette Forum

Cash Bars - Everything you need to know in one place

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Re: Cash Bars - Everything you need to know in one place

  • PDKH said:
    @bubbles053009 I am breaking this long quote chain Why leave early? Because it is rude or because you cannot have a good time? I find leaving either way to be rude because I do not think that a cash bar is a sign that the couple doesn't want you there. Judge all you want out of the couple but letting that ruin your night is just sad. I like to look at the positive. Either way, it is a Saturday night and if you were at the wedding or at a bar you would have to pay for your own drinks at this point. You're at the wedding so you might as well celebrate with people who clearly wanted you there badly enough that they invited you. Judge them, then enjoy yourself.
    But it's a wedding... not a bar. If I'm going to the bar I'm expecting them to charge me for my drinks because it's a business. I will have money on me and will be expecting to spend it. If I'm going to a wedding, I'm giving my family and friends the benefit of the doubt that they will host me correctly and I won't have to open my wallet. I probably won't have cash on me, and any cash bar I've been to doesn't accept cards. This is in no way a comparison.

    ETA: Holy run-on!
    I am in no way comparing a night out at a bar to a wedding, as far as etiquette is concerned.  What I am trying to get at is, in most cases you don't know it is a cash bar until you get there. If you know it is a cash bar before hand you would then be faced with a choice. I have a free Saturday night and I can either go to a bar or go to a wedding - in both instances I will have to buy my drinks.  The point is, the only difference between a cash bar wedding and a night at the bar (ignoring etiquette) is that at a wedding....it is a wedding.  I agree that you should be annoyed but by the time you realize it is annoying, you are already there and you might as well enjoy yourself (buying the drinks or not) and celebrate the marriage of those two people.  
    I'll still enjoy it, but I will be irritated the fact that the couple is asking me to fund an event to which they invited me. They are treating me like a bar patron, not a guest. 

    Can I ask, how many weddings have you been to?
    I agree you should be annoyed. It is a legitimate reason to be annoyed. I have been to 5 weddings.  Not sure why that matters but 3 where I was old enough to consume alcohol. I cannot speak to the 2 where I was underage but the 3 where I was of age, 2 were cash bars.  Honestly, I was irritated. But when I look back on the goods and bads of those weddings there are other things that stick out in my head before the bar. The entertainment at the open bar wedding was awful, the DJ was absolutely terrible.  When I think of which wedding was "worse" I would say the open bar because even though I could drink to my hearts content, I couldn't dance.  The cash bar weddings were great, I had a great time and my lack of alcohol consumption and annoyance that I had to pay for the alcohol did not negatively impact how much I enjoyed the wedding.  
  • mrsbananymrsbanany member
    100 Comments 100 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited January 2014
    PDKH said:
    Rather than replying to everyone, I am just going to make a general post. 

    Let me clarify: I am in NO WAY approving of cash bars. At all. I am not having one, I think they are rude, inappropriate, ridiculous and every other criticism in the book. 

    What I am trying to get at here is, regardless of your feelings towards them, try to look at the positive. Throw some shade, give side eye, talk about them behind their backs, judge them, do whatever you want. But don't let it ruin your time so much so that you feel you need to leave early or that you cannot have a good time. You are not at a bar, you are at a wedding and regardless of how many etiquette rules were broken there is cake, dancing, and hopefully some good food. Have a good time.  

    ETA: I also said nothing about storming out. I also did not say that it is rude to leave a wedding early. There are plenty of reasons to leave early and the majority are legitimate.  I just think that saying a cash bar will ruin your time so much that you need to leave early is rude.  I think that, while breaking etiquette, it is not something so major that your entire vision of the wedding is ruined.  
    Correction, you are having a partial cash bar because according to the venues in your area of MA it's a liability issue to have an open bar for the entire night.
    Say what? That doesn't even remotely make sense. The venue and bartenders should hold liability no matter who is paying for the drinks.
    Correct, my venue does not allow an open bar the entire time of the event.  It is closing one hour before the event ends.  However, it ends at 5:00 and at 6:00 we will be having an after party at my beach house for everyone that wishes to come. More alcohol will be provided there.  It is the policy at my venue...and a few others I looked at...I don't know why but that is the way it is.

    ETA: the options are closing the bar or cash bar. We are choosing to close the bar.
  • @mimiphin - no, I'm not in the GTA.  What about Ontario's laws is more flexible (I'm not asking to be an ass, I'm just curious)
  • PDKH said:
    Rather than replying to everyone, I am just going to make a general post. 

    Let me clarify: I am in NO WAY approving of cash bars. At all. I am not having one, I think they are rude, inappropriate, ridiculous and every other criticism in the book. 

    What I am trying to get at here is, regardless of your feelings towards them, try to look at the positive. Throw some shade, give side eye, talk about them behind their backs, judge them, do whatever you want. But don't let it ruin your time so much so that you feel you need to leave early or that you cannot have a good time. You are not at a bar, you are at a wedding and regardless of how many etiquette rules were broken there is cake, dancing, and hopefully some good food. Have a good time.  

    ETA: I also said nothing about storming out. I also did not say that it is rude to leave a wedding early. There are plenty of reasons to leave early and the majority are legitimate.  I just think that saying a cash bar will ruin your time so much that you need to leave early is rude.  I think that, while breaking etiquette, it is not something so major that your entire vision of the wedding is ruined.  
    Correction, you are having a partial cash bar because according to the venues in your area of MA it's a liability issue to have an open bar for the entire night.
    Say what? That doesn't even remotely make sense. The venue and bartenders should hold liability no matter who is paying for the drinks.
    Correct, my venue does not allow an open bar the entire night of the event.  It is closing one hour before the event ends.  However, it ends at 5:00 and at 6:00 we will be having an after party at my beach house for everyone that wishes to come. More alcohol will be provided there.  It is the policy at my venue...and a few others I looked at...I don't know why but that is the way it is.
    I would never have worked with this venue or the others that required it. Can you do consumption after that point? Have you double-checked the laws in you area? 

    Who is paying for the drinks should not matter as long as a licensed bartender can (and should) reserve the right to cut people off. You also will want to be careful about people driving to and from the beach house, because if something happens, that can very easily be on you. 
    image
    PrettyGirlLost
  • PDKH said:
    Say what? That doesn't even remotely make sense. The venue and bartenders should hold liability no matter who is paying for the drinks.

    I agree...I can see where an event bar would have some limits - our venue's liquor license stipulates that (1) all beer/wine/booze served at the venue needs to be purchased through the venue and (2) the maximum length of time that a bar can be available for a single event is 4 hours.  This makes sense.  Believe me, if the venue would allow for a bar of any kind to be open for another hour for any event, they would take you up on it, because that is money directly in their pockets.  But these stipulations were put in place for liability reasons, and they hold firm for open bars, consumption bars, and cash bars.

     

    It shouldn't matter who is paying for the booze from a liability standpoint.  If someone wants to get drunk, they're going to get drunk regardless of who pays for it - and liability would rest with the bartenders/venue no matter what type of bar there was.  So I'm thinking either (a) this is a line from the venue that is a complete lie because they feel like they make more money off of a cash bar versus an open bar (which i would think would never actually be the case) or (b) this is a line that brides in that are using it to justify their cash bars (in which case, I ask you - why can't the hosts just pay for consumption bar?  that's exactly the same as cash bar where you are charged per drink, but the host would pay the full tab at the end rather than the guests.)

     

    Anyone else from that area of MA want to comment?  I would find it really truly odd if that rule was in place strictly due to liability issues.  And even if it was...what would stop someone from having a consumption bar instead of a true "open" bar?

    PrettyGirlLost
  • PDKH said:
    PDKH said:
    Rather than replying to everyone, I am just going to make a general post. 

    Let me clarify: I am in NO WAY approving of cash bars. At all. I am not having one, I think they are rude, inappropriate, ridiculous and every other criticism in the book. 

    What I am trying to get at here is, regardless of your feelings towards them, try to look at the positive. Throw some shade, give side eye, talk about them behind their backs, judge them, do whatever you want. But don't let it ruin your time so much so that you feel you need to leave early or that you cannot have a good time. You are not at a bar, you are at a wedding and regardless of how many etiquette rules were broken there is cake, dancing, and hopefully some good food. Have a good time.  

    ETA: I also said nothing about storming out. I also did not say that it is rude to leave a wedding early. There are plenty of reasons to leave early and the majority are legitimate.  I just think that saying a cash bar will ruin your time so much that you need to leave early is rude.  I think that, while breaking etiquette, it is not something so major that your entire vision of the wedding is ruined.  
    Correction, you are having a partial cash bar because according to the venues in your area of MA it's a liability issue to have an open bar for the entire night.
    Say what? That doesn't even remotely make sense. The venue and bartenders should hold liability no matter who is paying for the drinks.
    Correct, my venue does not allow an open bar the entire night of the event.  It is closing one hour before the event ends.  However, it ends at 5:00 and at 6:00 we will be having an after party at my beach house for everyone that wishes to come. More alcohol will be provided there.  It is the policy at my venue...and a few others I looked at...I don't know why but that is the way it is.
    I would never have worked with this venue or the others that required it. Can you do consumption after that point? Have you double-checked the laws in you area? 

    Who is paying for the drinks should not matter as long as a licensed bartender can (and should) reserve the right to cut people off. You also will want to be careful about people driving to and from the beach house, because if something happens, that can very easily be on you. 
    The bar is consumption only, they don't offer traditional "open" bars.  According to the law, liability falls on those who supplied the alcohol as well as the venue, so it is both of us, at least in Massachusetts. 

    We are having a trolley bring people to and from their hotel, to the venue and then to the house and back.
  • PDKH said:
    PDKH said:
    Rather than replying to everyone, I am just going to make a general post. 

    Let me clarify: I am in NO WAY approving of cash bars. At all. I am not having one, I think they are rude, inappropriate, ridiculous and every other criticism in the book. 

    What I am trying to get at here is, regardless of your feelings towards them, try to look at the positive. Throw some shade, give side eye, talk about them behind their backs, judge them, do whatever you want. But don't let it ruin your time so much so that you feel you need to leave early or that you cannot have a good time. You are not at a bar, you are at a wedding and regardless of how many etiquette rules were broken there is cake, dancing, and hopefully some good food. Have a good time.  

    ETA: I also said nothing about storming out. I also did not say that it is rude to leave a wedding early. There are plenty of reasons to leave early and the majority are legitimate.  I just think that saying a cash bar will ruin your time so much that you need to leave early is rude.  I think that, while breaking etiquette, it is not something so major that your entire vision of the wedding is ruined.  
    Correction, you are having a partial cash bar because according to the venues in your area of MA it's a liability issue to have an open bar for the entire night.
    Say what? That doesn't even remotely make sense. The venue and bartenders should hold liability no matter who is paying for the drinks.
    Correct, my venue does not allow an open bar the entire night of the event.  It is closing one hour before the event ends.  However, it ends at 5:00 and at 6:00 we will be having an after party at my beach house for everyone that wishes to come. More alcohol will be provided there.  It is the policy at my venue...and a few others I looked at...I don't know why but that is the way it is.
    I would never have worked with this venue or the others that required it. Can you do consumption after that point? Have you double-checked the laws in you area? 

    Who is paying for the drinks should not matter as long as a licensed bartender can (and should) reserve the right to cut people off. You also will want to be careful about people driving to and from the beach house, because if something happens, that can very easily be on you. 
    The bar is consumption only, they don't offer traditional "open" bars.  According to the law, liability falls on those who supplied the alcohol as well as the venue, so it is both of us, at least in Massachusetts. 

    We are having a trolley bring people to and from their hotel, to the venue and then to the house and back.
    This still doesn't make sense. You are not supply the alcohol unless you are running to Costco and buying cases of liquor and they are charging you a bottle fee. Your venue is purchasing the alcohol and then you are purchasing the alcohol (at an increase in cost, of course) from them on behalf of your guests on a consumption basis.  

    If you were saying they insist on closing the bar entirely an hour early, this would make sense. But suddenly charging your guests instead of you makes no sense except that possibly they think it will slow people down before they hop into a car. In which case, that's the venue trying to get you to charge your guests so that they lessen their own liability risks. Not ok in my book. The bartenders and venues need to do their job if they are so worried about it. 
    image
    Maggie0829
  • Fran1985 Fran1985 Narnia member
    Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper

    I am in no way comparing a night out at a bar to a wedding, as far as etiquette is concerned. What I am trying to get at is, in most cases you don't know it is a cash bar until you get there. If you know it is a cash bar before hand you would then be faced with a choice. I have a free Saturday night and I can either go to a bar or go to a wedding - in both instances I will have to buy my drinks. The point is, the only difference between a cash bar wedding and a night at the bar (ignoring etiquette) is that at a wedding....it is a wedding. I agree that you should be annoyed but by the time you realize it is annoying, you are already there and you might as well enjoy yourself (buying the drinks or not) and celebrate the marriage of those two people. 

    At a wedding, my FI and I have usually already spent somewhere between 200-700 dollars before we even step foot in the wedding. A bar tab is $60. A tab at a wedding is asking us for $60 more dollars on top of what we have spent for travel, hotel, gift. Its not even close to the same as going to a bar price wise.

     

     


    image
    PrettyGirlLostMaggie0829aurorajanetteNYCBruin
  • @amandaj424 The only law I found for MA for social host liability laws, which is what this is, is the sale of alcohol to an already highly intoxicated person.

    A licensee shall not sell an alcoholic beverage
    to an intoxicated person.


    That is copied and pasted from where I found it. A simple google search got me to it.
    That is correct but also correct for industries outside of social host liability, such as restaurants.  
    A simple google search also brought me this:

    if a guest at a party has too much to drink, and after leaving the party causes an accident resulting in damages to another individual, the host of the party, as the supplier of the alcoholic beverages, can be found partially liable and responsible for the damages. - See more at: http://www.wynnandwynn.com/blog/what-is-the-social-host-liability-law-mas/#sthash.wwmw0Uvl.dpuf
  • PDKH said:
    PDKH said:
    PDKH said:
    Rather than replying to everyone, I am just going to make a general post. 

    Let me clarify: I am in NO WAY approving of cash bars. At all. I am not having one, I think they are rude, inappropriate, ridiculous and every other criticism in the book. 

    What I am trying to get at here is, regardless of your feelings towards them, try to look at the positive. Throw some shade, give side eye, talk about them behind their backs, judge them, do whatever you want. But don't let it ruin your time so much so that you feel you need to leave early or that you cannot have a good time. You are not at a bar, you are at a wedding and regardless of how many etiquette rules were broken there is cake, dancing, and hopefully some good food. Have a good time.  

    ETA: I also said nothing about storming out. I also did not say that it is rude to leave a wedding early. There are plenty of reasons to leave early and the majority are legitimate.  I just think that saying a cash bar will ruin your time so much that you need to leave early is rude.  I think that, while breaking etiquette, it is not something so major that your entire vision of the wedding is ruined.  
    Correction, you are having a partial cash bar because according to the venues in your area of MA it's a liability issue to have an open bar for the entire night.
    Say what? That doesn't even remotely make sense. The venue and bartenders should hold liability no matter who is paying for the drinks.
    Correct, my venue does not allow an open bar the entire night of the event.  It is closing one hour before the event ends.  However, it ends at 5:00 and at 6:00 we will be having an after party at my beach house for everyone that wishes to come. More alcohol will be provided there.  It is the policy at my venue...and a few others I looked at...I don't know why but that is the way it is.
    I would never have worked with this venue or the others that required it. Can you do consumption after that point? Have you double-checked the laws in you area? 

    Who is paying for the drinks should not matter as long as a licensed bartender can (and should) reserve the right to cut people off. You also will want to be careful about people driving to and from the beach house, because if something happens, that can very easily be on you. 
    The bar is consumption only, they don't offer traditional "open" bars.  According to the law, liability falls on those who supplied the alcohol as well as the venue, so it is both of us, at least in Massachusetts. 

    We are having a trolley bring people to and from their hotel, to the venue and then to the house and back.
    This still doesn't make sense. You are not supply the alcohol unless you are running to Costco and buying cases of liquor and they are charging you a bottle fee. Your venue is purchasing the alcohol and then you are purchasing the alcohol (at an increase in cost, of course) from them on behalf of your guests on a consumption basis.  

    If you were saying they insist on closing the bar entirely an hour early, this would make sense. But suddenly charging your guests instead of you makes no sense except that possibly they think it will slow people down before they hop into a car. In which case, that's the venue trying to get you to charge your guests so that they lessen their own liability risks. Not ok in my book. The bartenders and venues need to do their job if they are so worried about it. 
    From my understanding based off of my meetings with the venues, the purchase of those drinks on behalf of your guests makes you liable.  Again, I am not a lawyer, I don't know the ins and outs of the law. I do know that an open bar increases revenue for a venue so closing the bar or switching to cash is not a wise decision from a business standpoint, this leads me to believe that it is true. A business does not want to just give up revenue for no reason..
  • @amandaj424 The only law I found for MA for social host liability laws, which is what this is, is the sale of alcohol to an already highly intoxicated person.

    A licensee shall not sell an alcoholic beverage
    to an intoxicated person.


    That is copied and pasted from where I found it. A simple google search got me to it.
    That is correct but also correct for industries outside of social host liability, such as restaurants.  
    A simple google search also brought me this:

    if a guest at a party has too much to drink, and after leaving the party causes an accident resulting in damages to another individual, the host of the party, as the supplier of the alcoholic beverages, can be found partially liable and responsible for the damages. - See more at: http://www.wynnandwynn.com/blog/what-is-the-social-host-liability-law-mas/#sthash.wwmw0Uvl.dpuf

    PDKH said:
    PDKH said:
    PDKH said:
    Rather than replying to everyone, I am just going to make a general post. 

    Let me clarify: I am in NO WAY approving of cash bars. At all. I am not having one, I think they are rude, inappropriate, ridiculous and every other criticism in the book. 

    What I am trying to get at here is, regardless of your feelings towards them, try to look at the positive. Throw some shade, give side eye, talk about them behind their backs, judge them, do whatever you want. But don't let it ruin your time so much so that you feel you need to leave early or that you cannot have a good time. You are not at a bar, you are at a wedding and regardless of how many etiquette rules were broken there is cake, dancing, and hopefully some good food. Have a good time.  

    ETA: I also said nothing about storming out. I also did not say that it is rude to leave a wedding early. There are plenty of reasons to leave early and the majority are legitimate.  I just think that saying a cash bar will ruin your time so much that you need to leave early is rude.  I think that, while breaking etiquette, it is not something so major that your entire vision of the wedding is ruined.  
    Correction, you are having a partial cash bar because according to the venues in your area of MA it's a liability issue to have an open bar for the entire night.
    Say what? That doesn't even remotely make sense. The venue and bartenders should hold liability no matter who is paying for the drinks.
    Correct, my venue does not allow an open bar the entire night of the event.  It is closing one hour before the event ends.  However, it ends at 5:00 and at 6:00 we will be having an after party at my beach house for everyone that wishes to come. More alcohol will be provided there.  It is the policy at my venue...and a few others I looked at...I don't know why but that is the way it is.
    I would never have worked with this venue or the others that required it. Can you do consumption after that point? Have you double-checked the laws in you area? 

    Who is paying for the drinks should not matter as long as a licensed bartender can (and should) reserve the right to cut people off. You also will want to be careful about people driving to and from the beach house, because if something happens, that can very easily be on you. 
    The bar is consumption only, they don't offer traditional "open" bars.  According to the law, liability falls on those who supplied the alcohol as well as the venue, so it is both of us, at least in Massachusetts. 

    We are having a trolley bring people to and from their hotel, to the venue and then to the house and back.
    This still doesn't make sense. You are not supply the alcohol unless you are running to Costco and buying cases of liquor and they are charging you a bottle fee. Your venue is purchasing the alcohol and then you are purchasing the alcohol (at an increase in cost, of course) from them on behalf of your guests on a consumption basis.  

    If you were saying they insist on closing the bar entirely an hour early, this would make sense. But suddenly charging your guests instead of you makes no sense except that possibly they think it will slow people down before they hop into a car. In which case, that's the venue trying to get you to charge your guests so that they lessen their own liability risks. Not ok in my book. The bartenders and venues need to do their job if they are so worried about it. 
    From my understanding based off of my meetings with the venues, the purchase of those drinks on behalf of your guests makes you liable.  Again, I am not a lawyer, I don't know the ins and outs of the law. I do know that an open bar increases revenue for a venue so closing the bar or switching to cash is not a wise decision from a business standpoint, this leads me to believe that it is true. A business does not want to just give up revenue for no reason..

    But if you are liable (and not the venue/bartenders - which I'm not sure I buy) why does your venue insist on closing the open bar early? And if you stop paying for drinks, wouldn't that suddenly make the venue liable and not you (just as bars can often be held liable for over-serving their patrons). Did you even discuss this with them?
    image
  • Fran1985 Fran1985 Narnia member
    Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    PDKH said:
    PDKH said:
    PDKH said:
    Rather than replying to everyone, I am just going to make a general post. 

    Let me clarify: I am in NO WAY approving of cash bars. At all. I am not having one, I think they are rude, inappropriate, ridiculous and every other criticism in the book. 

    What I am trying to get at here is, regardless of your feelings towards them, try to look at the positive. Throw some shade, give side eye, talk about them behind their backs, judge them, do whatever you want. But don't let it ruin your time so much so that you feel you need to leave early or that you cannot have a good time. You are not at a bar, you are at a wedding and regardless of how many etiquette rules were broken there is cake, dancing, and hopefully some good food. Have a good time.  

    ETA: I also said nothing about storming out. I also did not say that it is rude to leave a wedding early. There are plenty of reasons to leave early and the majority are legitimate.  I just think that saying a cash bar will ruin your time so much that you need to leave early is rude.  I think that, while breaking etiquette, it is not something so major that your entire vision of the wedding is ruined.  
    Correction, you are having a partial cash bar because according to the venues in your area of MA it's a liability issue to have an open bar for the entire night.
    Say what? That doesn't even remotely make sense. The venue and bartenders should hold liability no matter who is paying for the drinks.
    Correct, my venue does not allow an open bar the entire night of the event.  It is closing one hour before the event ends.  However, it ends at 5:00 and at 6:00 we will be having an after party at my beach house for everyone that wishes to come. More alcohol will be provided there.  It is the policy at my venue...and a few others I looked at...I don't know why but that is the way it is.
    I would never have worked with this venue or the others that required it. Can you do consumption after that point? Have you double-checked the laws in you area? 

    Who is paying for the drinks should not matter as long as a licensed bartender can (and should) reserve the right to cut people off. You also will want to be careful about people driving to and from the beach house, because if something happens, that can very easily be on you. 
    The bar is consumption only, they don't offer traditional "open" bars.  According to the law, liability falls on those who supplied the alcohol as well as the venue, so it is both of us, at least in Massachusetts. 

    We are having a trolley bring people to and from their hotel, to the venue and then to the house and back.
    This still doesn't make sense. You are not supply the alcohol unless you are running to Costco and buying cases of liquor and they are charging you a bottle fee. Your venue is purchasing the alcohol and then you are purchasing the alcohol (at an increase in cost, of course) from them on behalf of your guests on a consumption basis.  

    If you were saying they insist on closing the bar entirely an hour early, this would make sense. But suddenly charging your guests instead of you makes no sense except that possibly they think it will slow people down before they hop into a car. In which case, that's the venue trying to get you to charge your guests so that they lessen their own liability risks. Not ok in my book. The bartenders and venues need to do their job if they are so worried about it. 
    From my understanding based off of my meetings with the venues, the purchase of those drinks on behalf of your guests makes you liable.  Again, I am not a lawyer, I don't know the ins and outs of the law. I do know that an open bar increases revenue for a venue so closing the bar or switching to cash is not a wise decision from a business standpoint, this leads me to believe that it is true. A business does not want to just give up revenue for no reason..

    No, it does not make you liable. You've been told this multiple times, by lawyers. Paying for someones drink at a bar does not make you liable for their drunk driving or whatever. Its the bartender's responsibility to cut people off.

    image
    PrettyGirlLostLDay2014NYCBruin
  • bubbles053009 There is no need to be snarky. I am being polite, you should as well.  My venue, and others I looked at have that policy. Regardless of if that is the law or not, I need to respect the policies at my venue. I haven't looked in NH, I am looking in Cape Cod so I cannot speak for venues there. I am also not saying that this is the policy for all venues. My argument is my argument and it is valid because that is what the venues told me. If you think it is ridiculous, give them a call and figure out the details because clearly I cannot give you the validation you are looking for.
    Sabinus15
  • @Fran1985  I am just repeating what I was told by my venue. Nothing more, I am not taking a stance on the policy, I am just telling you what they told me.

    @PDKH I did not discuss it in detail with all the venues. It did not make sense to me to do so when we were still unsure if we were going to book with them.  Now that we are in the process of booking, our final meeting to sign the papers is coming soon, it is something that we will be discussing in great detail. All I can tell you now is what I was told. 
  • Personally, if i found a venue that told me "your only option is to have a cash bar at the guests' expense" I would either:

     

    1. Accept the limitations of that venue and book it for a dry wedding

    or

    2. Find another venue

     

    I wouldn't use that as an excuse for not properly hosting my guests.  I find it hard to believe that it is impossible to have a host-funded bar at any venue in Cape Cod.  I do find it odd that the venues are pushing this policy though, especially since they'd make so much more money off of an open-bar scenario.  This must be very strictly enforced for the venues to feel like it's worthwhile to deal with it.

     

    A friend of mine got married in Cape Cod 10 years ago...I wasn't invited because I didn't know her at the time...all of a sudden I feel like I need to ask her about this!  I do know her parents; they are the people who paid for the wedding, and there is no way on god's green earth that they allowed guests to buy their own drinks.  Very interesting.

    SKPMPrettyGirlLostaurorajanette
  • mrsbananymrsbanany member
    100 Comments 100 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited January 2014
    delujm0 said:

    Personally, if i found a venue that told me "your only option is to have a cash bar at the guests' expense" I would either:

     

    1. Accept the limitations of that venue and book it for a dry wedding

    or

    2. Find another venue

     

    I wouldn't use that as an excuse for not properly hosting my guests.  I find it hard to believe that it is impossible to have a host-funded bar at any venue in Cape Cod.  I do find it odd that the venues are pushing this policy though, especially since they'd make so much more money off of an open-bar scenario.  This must be very strictly enforced for the venues to feel like it's worthwhile to deal with it.

     

    A friend of mine got married in Cape Cod 10 years ago...I wasn't invited because I didn't know her at the time...all of a sudden I feel like I need to ask her about this!  I do know her parents; they are the people who paid for the wedding, and there is no way on god's green earth that they allowed guests to buy their own drinks.  Very interesting.

    Not all the venues have this policy.  I don't believe it is the law to close the bar but I believe it is the law that who ever bough the last drink is liable.  I am looking at smaller venues and that could explain it. Obviously, if the reception is at Ocean Edge or Chatham Bars Inn they do not have this policy. The venues I looked at are significantly smaller and less expensive which could explain why they close the bar early.  Honestly, I do not think I am improperly hosting my guests if the bar closes for the last hour at the reception and I provide them with more alcohol at the after party.  
  • @delujm0 - I'd rather attend a dry wedding than a cash bar.  Just my opinion :)
    PrettyGirlLost
  • PDKH said:
    Rather than replying to everyone, I am just going to make a general post. 

    Let me clarify: I am in NO WAY approving of cash bars. At all. I am not having one, I think they are rude, inappropriate, ridiculous and every other criticism in the book. 

    What I am trying to get at here is, regardless of your feelings towards them, try to look at the positive. Throw some shade, give side eye, talk about them behind their backs, judge them, do whatever you want. But don't let it ruin your time so much so that you feel you need to leave early or that you cannot have a good time. You are not at a bar, you are at a wedding and regardless of how many etiquette rules were broken there is cake, dancing, and hopefully some good food. Have a good time.  

    ETA: I also said nothing about storming out. I also did not say that it is rude to leave a wedding early. There are plenty of reasons to leave early and the majority are legitimate.  I just think that saying a cash bar will ruin your time so much that you need to leave early is rude.  I think that, while breaking etiquette, it is not something so major that your entire vision of the wedding is ruined.  
    Correction, you are having a partial cash bar because according to the venues in your area of MA it's a liability issue to have an open bar for the entire night.
    Say what? That doesn't even remotely make sense. The venue and bartenders should hold liability no matter who is paying for the drinks.
    Correct, my venue does not allow an open bar the entire time of the event.  It is closing one hour before the event ends.  However, it ends at 5:00 and at 6:00 we will be having an after party at my beach house for everyone that wishes to come. More alcohol will be provided there.  It is the policy at my venue...and a few others I looked at...I don't know why but that is the way it is.

    ETA: the options are closing the bar or cash bar. We are choosing to close the bar.
    @bubbles053009 I never said I was having a cash bar. I was provided with 2 options, cash or closed for the last hour of the event. I am choosing to close it. 
  • arrippaarrippa Sam Adams Craft Commonwealth member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer

    @amandaj424 I am not sure where in MA you are from but I am getting married in Somerville/Cambridge area (ceremony in Somerville, reception in Cambridge) and we are having a fully open bar. There is no liability on us. My FI is a lawyer and he looked everything over.

    PrettyGirlLost
  • LDay2014 said:
    @delujm0 - I'd rather attend a dry wedding than a cash bar.  Just my opinion :)


    That's exactly what i was getting at.  If the venue won't allow anything but a cash bar, she can either use the venue and have a dry wedding, or get a new venue that will allow an open bar.

     

    I must have misread something somewhere here...I thought we were saying that the venues would only allow a cash bar for the duration of the wedding.  If they'll allow open bar but then for the last hour it can only be cash bar or nothing, my inclination would be to use the venue, have the open bar for as long as they will allow, and then just end the reception 30 minutes earlier than was originally planned.  Having a "last call" 30 minutes before the end of the reception would be perfectly acceptable.  So if you can only have a 4 hour open bar (my venue can only have 4 hours of any kind of bar, period), you can have your cocktail hour from 7-8, your reception from 8-11:30, and last call happens at 11.  so the bar is only open from 7-11.  not a big deal.

     

    You know a thread has gotten out of control when I don't even feel like I have the time to go back through it to get to the original entry about this particular law/policy situation. :-)

    PrettyGirlLost
  • @amandaj424 I am not sure where in MA you are from but I am getting married in Somerville/Cambridge area (ceremony in Somerville, reception in Cambridge) and we are having a fully open bar. There is no liability on us. My FI is a lawyer and he looked everything over.

    I am getting married on the south shore/Cape Cod. If it is not the law, it is just the venue policy
    grumbledore
  • delujm0 said:

    Personally, if i found a venue that told me "your only option is to have a cash bar at the guests' expense" I would either:

     

    1. Accept the limitations of that venue and book it for a dry wedding

    or

    2. Find another venue

     

    I wouldn't use that as an excuse for not properly hosting my guests.  I find it hard to believe that it is impossible to have a host-funded bar at any venue in Cape Cod.  I do find it odd that the venues are pushing this policy though, especially since they'd make so much more money off of an open-bar scenario.  This must be very strictly enforced for the venues to feel like it's worthwhile to deal with it.

     

    A friend of mine got married in Cape Cod 10 years ago...I wasn't invited because I didn't know her at the time...all of a sudden I feel like I need to ask her about this!  I do know her parents; they are the people who paid for the wedding, and there is no way on god's green earth that they allowed guests to buy their own drinks.  Very interesting.

    Not all the venues have this policy.  I don't believe it is the law to close the bar but I believe it is the law that who ever bough the last drink is liable.  I am looking at smaller venues and that could explain it. Obviously, if the reception is at Ocean Edge or Chatham Bars Inn they do not have this policy. The venues I looked at are significantly smaller and less expensive which could explain why they close the bar early.  Honestly, I do not think I am improperly hosting my guests if the bar closes for the last hour at the reception and I provide them with more alcohol at the after party.  
    To the bolded: no.  Just no.

    Playing make-believe for a minute though and assuming your statement is true, you still don't eliminate liability by having a cash bar for one hour.  If someone leaves before the last hour or started hoarding beers before the bar switched to cash, then you would still be liable under your not at all correct legal analysis.
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
    PrettyGirlLostFran1985 grumbledore
  • NYCBruin said:
    delujm0 said:

    Personally, if i found a venue that told me "your only option is to have a cash bar at the guests' expense" I would either:

     

    1. Accept the limitations of that venue and book it for a dry wedding

    or

    2. Find another venue

     

    I wouldn't use that as an excuse for not properly hosting my guests.  I find it hard to believe that it is impossible to have a host-funded bar at any venue in Cape Cod.  I do find it odd that the venues are pushing this policy though, especially since they'd make so much more money off of an open-bar scenario.  This must be very strictly enforced for the venues to feel like it's worthwhile to deal with it.

     

    A friend of mine got married in Cape Cod 10 years ago...I wasn't invited because I didn't know her at the time...all of a sudden I feel like I need to ask her about this!  I do know her parents; they are the people who paid for the wedding, and there is no way on god's green earth that they allowed guests to buy their own drinks.  Very interesting.

    Not all the venues have this policy.  I don't believe it is the law to close the bar but I believe it is the law that who ever bough the last drink is liable.  I am looking at smaller venues and that could explain it. Obviously, if the reception is at Ocean Edge or Chatham Bars Inn they do not have this policy. The venues I looked at are significantly smaller and less expensive which could explain why they close the bar early.  Honestly, I do not think I am improperly hosting my guests if the bar closes for the last hour at the reception and I provide them with more alcohol at the after party.  
    To the bolded: no.  Just no.

    Playing make-believe for a minute though and assuming your statement is true, you still don't eliminate liability by having a cash bar for one hour.  If someone leaves before the last hour or started hoarding beers before the bar switched to cash, then you would still be liable under your not at all correct legal analysis.
    I have said before that I don't know the law.  This is what I gather from what I have been told. Even if it is not the law, it is the venue policy
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    NYCBruin said:
    delujm0 said:

    Personally, if i found a venue that told me "your only option is to have a cash bar at the guests' expense" I would either:

     

    1. Accept the limitations of that venue and book it for a dry wedding

    or

    2. Find another venue

     

    I wouldn't use that as an excuse for not properly hosting my guests.  I find it hard to believe that it is impossible to have a host-funded bar at any venue in Cape Cod.  I do find it odd that the venues are pushing this policy though, especially since they'd make so much more money off of an open-bar scenario.  This must be very strictly enforced for the venues to feel like it's worthwhile to deal with it.

     

    A friend of mine got married in Cape Cod 10 years ago...I wasn't invited because I didn't know her at the time...all of a sudden I feel like I need to ask her about this!  I do know her parents; they are the people who paid for the wedding, and there is no way on god's green earth that they allowed guests to buy their own drinks.  Very interesting.

    Not all the venues have this policy.  I don't believe it is the law to close the bar but I believe it is the law that who ever bough the last drink is liable.  I am looking at smaller venues and that could explain it. Obviously, if the reception is at Ocean Edge or Chatham Bars Inn they do not have this policy. The venues I looked at are significantly smaller and less expensive which could explain why they close the bar early.  Honestly, I do not think I am improperly hosting my guests if the bar closes for the last hour at the reception and I provide them with more alcohol at the after party.  
    To the bolded: no.  Just no.

    Playing make-believe for a minute though and assuming your statement is true, you still don't eliminate liability by having a cash bar for one hour.  If someone leaves before the last hour or started hoarding beers before the bar switched to cash, then you would still be liable under your not at all correct legal analysis.
    I have said before that I don't know the law.  This is what I gather from what I have been told. Even if it is not the law, it is the venue policy
    The proper host finds this out before locking him/herself into a contract with a venue with this policy, and finds another venue that doesn't have such a policy.  Sometimes, yes, that means you have to give up on your "dream" if your "dream" is of having your wedding at a venue with guest-unfriendly policies.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • NYCBruin said:
    delujm0 said:

    Personally, if i found a venue that told me "your only option is to have a cash bar at the guests' expense" I would either:

     

    1. Accept the limitations of that venue and book it for a dry wedding

    or

    2. Find another venue

     

    I wouldn't use that as an excuse for not properly hosting my guests.  I find it hard to believe that it is impossible to have a host-funded bar at any venue in Cape Cod.  I do find it odd that the venues are pushing this policy though, especially since they'd make so much more money off of an open-bar scenario.  This must be very strictly enforced for the venues to feel like it's worthwhile to deal with it.

     

    A friend of mine got married in Cape Cod 10 years ago...I wasn't invited because I didn't know her at the time...all of a sudden I feel like I need to ask her about this!  I do know her parents; they are the people who paid for the wedding, and there is no way on god's green earth that they allowed guests to buy their own drinks.  Very interesting.

    Not all the venues have this policy.  I don't believe it is the law to close the bar but I believe it is the law that who ever bough the last drink is liable.  I am looking at smaller venues and that could explain it. Obviously, if the reception is at Ocean Edge or Chatham Bars Inn they do not have this policy. The venues I looked at are significantly smaller and less expensive which could explain why they close the bar early.  Honestly, I do not think I am improperly hosting my guests if the bar closes for the last hour at the reception and I provide them with more alcohol at the after party.  
    To the bolded: no.  Just no.

    Playing make-believe for a minute though and assuming your statement is true, you still don't eliminate liability by having a cash bar for one hour.  If someone leaves before the last hour or started hoarding beers before the bar switched to cash, then you would still be liable under your not at all correct legal analysis.
    I have said before that I don't know the law.  This is what I gather from what I have been told. Even if it is not the law, it is the venue policy
    Sigh which goes back to the part where you should have pushed back on this policy or found a new venue. 

    Where's Maggie with her tail-chasing dog?
    image
    PrettyGirlLost
  • PDKH said:
    NYCBruin said:
    delujm0 said:

    Personally, if i found a venue that told me "your only option is to have a cash bar at the guests' expense" I would either:

     

    1. Accept the limitations of that venue and book it for a dry wedding

    or

    2. Find another venue

     

    I wouldn't use that as an excuse for not properly hosting my guests.  I find it hard to believe that it is impossible to have a host-funded bar at any venue in Cape Cod.  I do find it odd that the venues are pushing this policy though, especially since they'd make so much more money off of an open-bar scenario.  This must be very strictly enforced for the venues to feel like it's worthwhile to deal with it.

     

    A friend of mine got married in Cape Cod 10 years ago...I wasn't invited because I didn't know her at the time...all of a sudden I feel like I need to ask her about this!  I do know her parents; they are the people who paid for the wedding, and there is no way on god's green earth that they allowed guests to buy their own drinks.  Very interesting.

    Not all the venues have this policy.  I don't believe it is the law to close the bar but I believe it is the law that who ever bough the last drink is liable.  I am looking at smaller venues and that could explain it. Obviously, if the reception is at Ocean Edge or Chatham Bars Inn they do not have this policy. The venues I looked at are significantly smaller and less expensive which could explain why they close the bar early.  Honestly, I do not think I am improperly hosting my guests if the bar closes for the last hour at the reception and I provide them with more alcohol at the after party.  
    To the bolded: no.  Just no.

    Playing make-believe for a minute though and assuming your statement is true, you still don't eliminate liability by having a cash bar for one hour.  If someone leaves before the last hour or started hoarding beers before the bar switched to cash, then you would still be liable under your not at all correct legal analysis.
    I have said before that I don't know the law.  This is what I gather from what I have been told. Even if it is not the law, it is the venue policy
    Sigh which goes back to the part where you should have pushed back on this policy or found a new venue. 

    Where's Maggie with her tail-chasing dog?
    Well, I also said before that we haven't signed the contract yet.  We have a meeting in a few weeks to go through all the details before booking.   I said I didn't push back on the majority because it didn't seem worth it for a place we weren't going to book. We picked the place we want to book but we are going back for another visit and to hash out the details before booking. All of what I have told you is from our initial visit. 
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    PDKH said:
    NYCBruin said:
    delujm0 said:

    Personally, if i found a venue that told me "your only option is to have a cash bar at the guests' expense" I would either:

     

    1. Accept the limitations of that venue and book it for a dry wedding

    or

    2. Find another venue

     

    I wouldn't use that as an excuse for not properly hosting my guests.  I find it hard to believe that it is impossible to have a host-funded bar at any venue in Cape Cod.  I do find it odd that the venues are pushing this policy though, especially since they'd make so much more money off of an open-bar scenario.  This must be very strictly enforced for the venues to feel like it's worthwhile to deal with it.

     

    A friend of mine got married in Cape Cod 10 years ago...I wasn't invited because I didn't know her at the time...all of a sudden I feel like I need to ask her about this!  I do know her parents; they are the people who paid for the wedding, and there is no way on god's green earth that they allowed guests to buy their own drinks.  Very interesting.

    Not all the venues have this policy.  I don't believe it is the law to close the bar but I believe it is the law that who ever bough the last drink is liable.  I am looking at smaller venues and that could explain it. Obviously, if the reception is at Ocean Edge or Chatham Bars Inn they do not have this policy. The venues I looked at are significantly smaller and less expensive which could explain why they close the bar early.  Honestly, I do not think I am improperly hosting my guests if the bar closes for the last hour at the reception and I provide them with more alcohol at the after party.  
    To the bolded: no.  Just no.

    Playing make-believe for a minute though and assuming your statement is true, you still don't eliminate liability by having a cash bar for one hour.  If someone leaves before the last hour or started hoarding beers before the bar switched to cash, then you would still be liable under your not at all correct legal analysis.
    I have said before that I don't know the law.  This is what I gather from what I have been told. Even if it is not the law, it is the venue policy
    Sigh which goes back to the part where you should have pushed back on this policy or found a new venue. 

    Where's Maggie with her tail-chasing dog?
    Well, I also said before that we haven't signed the contract yet.  We have a meeting in a few weeks to go through all the details before booking.   I said I didn't push back on the majority because it didn't seem worth it for a place we weren't going to book. We picked the place we want to book but we are going back for another visit and to hash out the details before booking. All of what I have told you is from our initial visit. 
    If you're going back to them, I'd clarify this before you lock yourself into a contract and either get that provision removed or not use that particular venue.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited January 2014
    And a gif for the hell of it.

    image

    KeptInStitchesaurorajanettechibiyuirajahmd
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