Cash Bars - Everything you need to know in one place

Sabinus15

leese19 said:

i get it. You think it's wrong. A lot of people do. Everyone I know has cash bars- no one where I'm from thinks it's rude because that's just what people do- like I have said- most people I know have not even been to an open bar- does that make every wedding I have been to tacky? NO. This argument could go on forever. 

It might not have made it seem tacky to you, but you were improperly hosted for alcohol at every wedding you've been to if you have only been to weddings with a cash bar at the reception.  It is not proper etiquette to make your guests pay for anything at the reception, which is their thank you for attending your wedding ceremony.  Your personal opinion might be that you didn't mind paying for drinks, but it is still against proper etiquette.  Etiquette doesn't change with personal opinion.  The reason people keep correcting you is because you are stating your opinion which is against etiquette on an Etiquette forum and most of the new brides who have questions here don't read the whole thread so it's for their information. 

Even if one person, or even a group of people care more about having their favorite alcohol at a wedding reception than being properly hosted, what is proper etiquette does not change.  This is because etiquette is about hosting your guests properly and trying to prevent their discomfort first and foremost.  You can sit through a reception without your alcoholic drink of choice, you shouldn't have to sit through it without a chair (for example.)

*gasp* Heaven forbid a different region of the U.S. have a different local culture with a different set of proper etiquette rules. OMG, everyone there must be so rude! :P

manateehugger

Sabinus15 said:

leese19 said:

i get it. You think it's wrong. A lot of people do. Everyone I know has cash bars- no one where I'm from thinks it's rude because that's just what people do- like I have said- most people I know have not even been to an open bar- does that make every wedding I have been to tacky? NO. This argument could go on forever. 

It might not have made it seem tacky to you, but you were improperly hosted for alcohol at every wedding you've been to if you have only been to weddings with a cash bar at the reception.  It is not proper etiquette to make your guests pay for anything at the reception, which is their thank you for attending your wedding ceremony.  Your personal opinion might be that you didn't mind paying for drinks, but it is still against proper etiquette.  Etiquette doesn't change with personal opinion.  The reason people keep correcting you is because you are stating your opinion which is against etiquette on an Etiquette forum and most of the new brides who have questions here don't read the whole thread so it's for their information. 

Even if one person, or even a group of people care more about having their favorite alcohol at a wedding reception than being properly hosted, what is proper etiquette does not change.  This is because etiquette is about hosting your guests properly and trying to prevent their discomfort first and foremost.  You can sit through a reception without your alcoholic drink of choice, you shouldn't have to sit through it without a chair (for example.)

*gasp* Heaven forbid a different region of the U.S. have a different local culture with a different set of proper etiquette rules. OMG, everyone there must be so rude! :P

Oh please oh please, do tell me which "local culture" or region you are discussing!!

lyndausvi

It makes me sad to see the art of hosting events slowly deteriorate away.  

First it's thinking guests paying for an alcoholic drink is okay. Next it will be any drink, then it will move to food,  then people will start just selling tickets to the wedding.

Sure it might take a generation or two,  but at this rate people will not know what the true meaning of hosting means.

PrettyGirlLost

Sabinus15 said:

leese19 said:

i get it. You think it's wrong. A lot of people do. Everyone I know has cash bars- no one where I'm from thinks it's rude because that's just what people do- like I have said- most people I know have not even been to an open bar- does that make every wedding I have been to tacky? NO. This argument could go on forever. 

It might not have made it seem tacky to you, but you were improperly hosted for alcohol at every wedding you've been to if you have only been to weddings with a cash bar at the reception.  It is not proper etiquette to make your guests pay for anything at the reception, which is their thank you for attending your wedding ceremony.  Your personal opinion might be that you didn't mind paying for drinks, but it is still against proper etiquette.  Etiquette doesn't change with personal opinion.  The reason people keep correcting you is because you are stating your opinion which is against etiquette on an Etiquette forum and most of the new brides who have questions here don't read the whole thread so it's for their information. 

Even if one person, or even a group of people care more about having their favorite alcohol at a wedding reception than being properly hosted, what is proper etiquette does not change.  This is because etiquette is about hosting your guests properly and trying to prevent their discomfort first and foremost.  You can sit through a reception without your alcoholic drink of choice, you shouldn't have to sit through it without a chair (for example.)

*gasp* Heaven forbid a different region of the U.S. have a different local culture with a different set of proper etiquette rules. OMG, everyone there must be so rude! :P

Etiquette which is the art of proper hosting is universal. . . there is no region in the US where charging your guests for shit at an event you are hosting in their honor is not considered rude.

For the 1 millionth time, what is accepted or common practice is not the same as what is proper by etiquette standards.

Sabinus15

But here's the real question: 

If no one is offended, is it still offensive? 

jdluvr06

jdluvr06 said:

Lindzxxo said:

My question for those who ARE in favor of cash bars: When you have a party are your place/house/apartment do you charge your guests for drinks in your home?

No but most of my friends will bring their own drinks if there is something specific they want. I'm sure we've all been to a BYOB party.



*urgh stuck in box*

 The point is you don't CHARGE them for hijacking a soda or drink from your fridge. It should be the same for any hosted event such as a wedding.

Also, I've never been to a BYOB but I usually host and I've never been much of a going out to party type girl.

I'm not for or against cash bars personally. I could care less either way. I'm not having one at my wedding but to each his own. I was just answering your question.

APDSS22

Sabinus15 said:

But here's the real question: 

If no one is offended, is it still offensive? 

Pretty much every single thing a bride on here has thought doesn't offend people and is okay because "everyone they know does it" or "it's the norm" has been written about on the worst weddings thread or another one here on the knot.  A guest might not say it to the face of their host because they're polite, but it's pretty much guaranteed that someone will be offended by offensive behavior and improper hosting.  No one gets offended by free alcohol and food graciously hosted, a good portion of the population gets offended by cash bars, not having enough chairs for every guest, or having a VIP section at the reception, etc.

NYCMercedes

I think it's lack of culture, not a different culture. I can't imagine not being a gracious hostess, regardless of what my friends and acquaintances do.

Sabinus15

NYCMercedes said:

I think it's lack of culture, not a different culture. I can't imagine not being a gracious hostess, regardless of what my friends and acquaintances do.

Oh, so you're saying one culture is superior to another? Hm, interesting.

Sabinus15

TheFutureMrsRohlman22 said:

Sabinus15 said:

But here's the real question: 

If no one is offended, is it still offensive? 

Pretty much every single thing a bride on here has thought doesn't offend people and is okay because "everyone they know does it" or "it's the norm" has been written about on the worst weddings thread or another one here on the knot.  A guest might not say it to the face of their host because they're polite, but it's pretty much guaranteed that someone will be offended by offensive behavior and improper hosting.  No one gets offended by free alcohol and food graciously hosted, a good portion of the population gets offended by cash bars, not having enough chairs for every guest, or having a VIP section at the reception, etc.

That doesn't answer the question though. 100 people are not offended by …whatever. Pick anything. Is that thing still offensive?

NYCBruin

Sabinus15 said:

TheFutureMrsRohlman22 said:

Sabinus15 said:

But here's the real question: 

If no one is offended, is it still offensive? 

Pretty much every single thing a bride on here has thought doesn't offend people and is okay because "everyone they know does it" or "it's the norm" has been written about on the worst weddings thread or another one here on the knot.  A guest might not say it to the face of their host because they're polite, but it's pretty much guaranteed that someone will be offended by offensive behavior and improper hosting.  No one gets offended by free alcohol and food graciously hosted, a good portion of the population gets offended by cash bars, not having enough chairs for every guest, or having a VIP section at the reception, etc.

That doesn't answer the question though. 100 people are not offended by …whatever. Pick anything. Is that thing still offensive?

Yes.  Example: lots of people don't think racist jokes are offensive.  Many even think they are funny.  Doesn't make them any less offensive when they are told in a room of just racists.

APDSS22

NYCBruin said:

Sabinus15 said:

TheFutureMrsRohlman22 said:

Sabinus15 said:

But here's the real question: 

If no one is offended, is it still offensive? 

Pretty much every single thing a bride on here has thought doesn't offend people and is okay because "everyone they know does it" or "it's the norm" has been written about on the worst weddings thread or another one here on the knot.  A guest might not say it to the face of their host because they're polite, but it's pretty much guaranteed that someone will be offended by offensive behavior and improper hosting.  No one gets offended by free alcohol and food graciously hosted, a good portion of the population gets offended by cash bars, not having enough chairs for every guest, or having a VIP section at the reception, etc.

That doesn't answer the question though. 100 people are not offended by …whatever. Pick anything. Is that thing still offensive?

Yes.  Example: lots of people don't think racist jokes are offensive.  Many even think they are funny.  Doesn't make them any less offensive when they are told in a room of just racists.

This was pretty much where I was going.  I just think it's also highly unlikely that not even great aunt Edna or super picky office friend Sara are not offended by whatever a hostess is trying to pass on to her guests cost-wise, even if they don't say anything.  In the unlikely event you found a whole roomful of people doing something like cussing like sailors, their behavior is still offensive, even if no one in the room is personally offended.

Sabinus15

Racism harms society as a whole. Do cash bars do this? Are they harmful to society? What would happen if every wedding in the next year in every part of the US decided to have a cash bar? 

Side note: I will not be having a cash bar. I just think it's interesting that people are so opposed to them. 

Jen4948

Sabinus15 said:

Racism harms society as a whole. Do cash bars do this? Are they harmful to society? What would happen if every wedding in the next year in every part of the US decided to have a cash bar? 

Side note: I will not be having a cash bar. I just think it's interesting that people are so opposed to them. 

I think it's interesting that those who want to have them are so defensive about it when told that they violate etiquette, or dismissive of the rule, which is a universal Western etiquette rule-it's not "opinion," "regional," or okay just because someone's friends or family "always do it" or "are okay with it."

delujm0

 

Sabinus15 said:

But here's the real question: 

If no one is offended, is it still offensive? 

If i murder someone, and no one finds out that i did it, am i still a murderer?  I'd argue yes.

Sabinus15

delujm0 said:

 

Sabinus15 said:

But here's the real question: 

If no one is offended, is it still offensive? 

If i murder someone, and no one finds out that i did it, am i still a murderer?  I'd argue yes.

A murder clearly hurts the person being murdered and the people who love that person. A cash bar only effects the people who attend a wedding. If no one is offended, who cares?

People have BYOB parties with friends all the time, or hang out at a bar/restaurant where they would be compelled to pay for something. I don't know of anyone on the internet who decrys this practice. Why hold some social events to a higher standard than others?

Maggie0829

delujm0 said:

 

Sabinus15 said:

But here's the real question: 

If no one is offended, is it still offensive? 

If i murder someone, and no one finds out that i did it, am i still a murderer?  I'd argue yes.

A murder clearly hurts the person being murdered and the people who love that person. A cash bar only effects the people who attend a wedding. If no one is offended, who cares?

People have BYOB parties with friends all the time, or hang out at a bar/restaurant where they would be compelled to pay for something. I don't know of anyone on the internet who decrys this practice. Why hold some social events to a higher standard than others?

I take issue with people who have murdered other people even if the murder they committed was in no way related to me or my family. It is the whole killing people part that irks me. 

 As for your second point. Having an informal gathering at your home or meeting friends out at a bar is a completely different thing then a hosted event with formal invitations. For example if my friend was like "hey let's hang out and watch a movie." I would be like "awesome, I will bring some wings and a few beers." Or if my friend was like "let's get some drinks at the bar." I would be like "cool see you there." And then proceed to stop by an ATM or make sure I have my credit card on me. But if I received a formal invite to a wedding I would be expecting and assume since hosts are noted on the invite that I, as a formally invited guest, would not have to open my wallet all evening.  I mean if guests paying for their own shit at a wedding is okay then why are weddings so darn formal with those pesky mailed invites?  People might as well just invite their guests by word of mouth the night or two before like you would do with a casual hang out or a night out at the bar.

lyndausvi

 

A lot of social circles enjoy drinking a social events.  It's a pretty know fact in a lot of social circles. Which in way surprises me that people see bars as an after thought.  It was as much apart of our budget as the food or dress.  

 In the 50+ weddings I've been to around the world I've never once attended a cash bar wedding.   If I was to attend one I would buy drinks because I like the drink at social events.  But that in no way should be construed as I'm not offended.    I certainly would never tell the hosts to their face that I think they are horrible hosts, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't have those thoughts.

I concede that people who only know cash bars are less likely be offended.  I actually do get it, you don't know any other way, but that doesn't mean it's not offensive.  

 If your circle is fine with cash bars, fine. Have a cash bar.  It doesn't effect me.  However, don't be going around telling others not in your own social group they are fine when it's not.    

It's plain and simple a good host NEVER makes their guests open their wallets.  Period.

PrettyGirlLost

Sabinus15 said:

But here's the real question: 

If no one is offended, is it still offensive? 

Yes because SOMEONE WILL be offended. Just because no one says it to your face, does not mean you will be getting a pass from your family and friends.  In fact they will probably judge you more harshly than some rando because they expect more from you.

delujm0

I think the thing that irks me the most about the "regional" excuse is that it implies that every single guest at the wedding will have come from that region.  I don't think I've ever been to a wedding where NO ONE came from out of town.  If you are inviting even one person, or the date of one person, who isn't from this alleged "region that accepts cash bars," there is potential for them to be offended.

The other offensive thing is that, even in the EXTREMELY off chance that this is not the actual case, I will always assume that the only reason the bar isn't fully open and paid for by the hosts is that they decided to blow their budget on other things, like designer dresses or over-the-top flower arrangements.  Neither of those two things affects me as a guest.  I would clearly rather they spend their money on things that make a difference to me.

 

The 3 most expensive items at my wedding are: Food, Open Bar, Venue.  All three of these are guest-centric items (the venue falls under guest-centric because we selected it due to its downtown location and therefore easy access to hotels, etc - most of our guests are from OOT so we wanted to make sure that once they got to town they wouldn't need to get in a car and drive anywhere for the remainder of the weekend). 

 

Could I have spent more on my dress than the open bar, and done a cash bar instead?  Absolutely.  I tried on plenty of dresses that exceeded the cost of my open bar.  I tried on plenty of dresses that exceeded the cost of my open bar plus the cost of the dress that I actually bought.  But I didn't choose to do that because my guests' comfort is my top prioriy.  That is what etiquette is.  Making your guests' comfort your top priority.  If they're paying for stuff at your hosted event, clearly they are not a priority.  Period.  Regionally accepted or not.  Offended or not.  It is still against etiquette.

 

You can feel free to do a cash bar if you want to.  Just own the fact that it is against etiquette, and move on.

PrettyGirlLost

delujm0 said:

I think the thing that irks me the most about the "regional" excuse is that it implies that every single guest at the wedding will have come from that region.  I don't think I've ever been to a wedding where NO ONE came from out of town.  If you are inviting even one person, or the date of one person, who isn't from this alleged "region that accepts cash bars," there is potential for them to be offended.

The other offensive thing is that, even in the EXTREMELY off chance that this is not the actual case, I will always assume that the only reason the bar isn't fully open and paid for by the hosts is that they decided to blow their budget on other things, like designer dresses or over-the-top flower arrangements.  Neither of those two things affects me as a guest.  I would clearly rather they spend their money on things that make a difference to me.

 

The 3 most expensive items at my wedding are: Food, Open Bar, Venue.  All three of these are guest-centric items (the venue falls under guest-centric because we selected it due to its downtown location and therefore easy access to hotels, etc - most of our guests are from OOT so we wanted to make sure that once they got to town they wouldn't need to get in a car and drive anywhere for the remainder of the weekend). 

 

Could I have spent more on my dress than the open bar, and done a cash bar instead?  Absolutely.  I tried on plenty of dresses that exceeded the cost of my open bar.  I tried on plenty of dresses that exceeded the cost of my open bar plus the cost of the dress that I actually bought.  But I didn't choose to do that because my guests' comfort is my top prioriy.  That is what etiquette is.  Making your guests' comfort your top priority.  If they're paying for stuff at your hosted event, clearly they are not a priority.  Period.  Regionally accepted or not.  Offended or not.  It is still against etiquette.

 

You can feel free to do a cash bar if you want to.  Just own the fact that it is against etiquette, and move on.

Preach.

To the bolded- a full, open bar at my venue is $10,000+  I did not look at let alone try on dresses that were that much, lol.  You are brave!

delujm0

PrettyGirlLost said:

delujm0 said:

I think the thing that irks me the most about the "regional" excuse is that it implies that every single guest at the wedding will have come from that region.  I don't think I've ever been to a wedding where NO ONE came from out of town.  If you are inviting even one person, or the date of one person, who isn't from this alleged "region that accepts cash bars," there is potential for them to be offended.

The other offensive thing is that, even in the EXTREMELY off chance that this is not the actual case, I will always assume that the only reason the bar isn't fully open and paid for by the hosts is that they decided to blow their budget on other things, like designer dresses or over-the-top flower arrangements.  Neither of those two things affects me as a guest.  I would clearly rather they spend their money on things that make a difference to me.

 

The 3 most expensive items at my wedding are: Food, Open Bar, Venue.  All three of these are guest-centric items (the venue falls under guest-centric because we selected it due to its downtown location and therefore easy access to hotels, etc - most of our guests are from OOT so we wanted to make sure that once they got to town they wouldn't need to get in a car and drive anywhere for the remainder of the weekend). 

 

Could I have spent more on my dress than the open bar, and done a cash bar instead?  Absolutely.  I tried on plenty of dresses that exceeded the cost of my open bar.  I tried on plenty of dresses that exceeded the cost of my open bar plus the cost of the dress that I actually bought.  But I didn't choose to do that because my guests' comfort is my top prioriy.  That is what etiquette is.  Making your guests' comfort your top priority.  If they're paying for stuff at your hosted event, clearly they are not a priority.  Period.  Regionally accepted or not.  Offended or not.  It is still against etiquette.

 

You can feel free to do a cash bar if you want to.  Just own the fact that it is against etiquette, and move on.

Preach.

To the bolded- a full, open bar at my venue is $10,000+  I did not look at let alone try on dresses that were that much, lol.  You are brave!

Ha!  Well i'm not THAT brave.  My full open bar is going to be under $5k, thankfully. :-)

PrettyGirlLost

delujm0 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

Preach.

To the bolded- a full, open bar at my venue is $10,000+  I did not look at let alone try on dresses that were that much, lol.  You are brave!

Ha!  Well i'm not THAT brave.  My full open bar is going to be under $5k, thankfully. :-)

Me neither, we are only hosting beer, wine, and a signature drink ;-)

mimiphin

lyndausvi said:

 

A lot of social circles enjoy drinking a social events.  It's a pretty know fact in a lot of social circles. Which in way surprises me that people see bars as an after thought.  It was as much apart of our budget as the food or dress.  

 In the 50+ weddings I've been to around the world I've never once attended a cash bar wedding.   If I was to attend one I would buy drinks because I like the drink at social events.  But that in no way should be construed as I'm not offended.    I certainly would never tell the hosts to their face that I think they are horrible hosts, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't have those thoughts.

I concede that people who only know cash bars are less likely be offended.  I actually do get it, you don't know any other way, but that doesn't mean it's not offensive.  

 If your circle is fine with cash bars, fine. Have a cash bar.  It doesn't effect me.  However, don't be going around telling others not in your own social group they are fine when it's not.    

It's plane and simple a good host NEVER makes their guests open their wallets.  Period.

I agree with this 100%.
I have my own views on cash bars, but I will not go around here telling people what they are and that they should do it. For me it is a regional (Canadian) thing and there was already a thread that talked about it.

But I have to say what pisses me off is when it is a "full' cash bar, Don't be making me pay $4 for my Ginger-ale.

tcnoble

The regional excuse irks me. I have been to two cash bar weddings in the Midwest - I'm from there but now live in Vegas, going back for weddings more frequently - and just because it appears "accepted" in that region, and 150 of our 192 guests are coming from the midwest, does it mean we should save ourselves the cash and just have an open bar because "it's common in our circle."???? 

I think the people that so strongly support cash bars completely disregard the fact that a reception is FOR YOUR GUESTS. It isn't about YOU anymore. You can toot your own horn all day long about your ceremony and make that as much about you as you want - but once the ceremony is done you are HOSTING AN EVENT. You are a HOST. If you invite people to your house, you don't tell them "well I could afford for you to share my bottle of Veuve and you can drink that for free, but if you want the Dom that's in the fridge I have to charge you per glass." No, you just don't have the Dom, period. You host what you can afford.

This conversation could go on forever, sure, but this isn't a matter of opinion - its a FACT. People can say it's these "damn Knot brides" that make these rules - these women didn't wake up one day and decide to take over etiquette. And if you are so dead set on a cash bar, don't come here and ask about proper etiquette that you will disregard anyways. YOU are the ones looking for arguments, not the people here that are trying to help others with genuine etiquette concerns.

JEEEEEEEEZE.

That is all.

aurorajanette

lyndausvi said:

 

A lot of social circles enjoy drinking a social events.  It's a pretty know fact in a lot of social circles. Which in way surprises me that people see bars as an after thought.  It was as much apart of our budget as the food or dress.  

 In the 50+ weddings I've been to around the world I've never once attended a cash bar wedding.   If I was to attend one I would buy drinks because I like the drink at social events.  But that in no way should be construed as I'm not offended.    I certainly would never tell the hosts to their face that I think they are horrible hosts, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't have those thoughts.

I concede that people who only know cash bars are less likely be offended.  I actually do get it, you don't know any other way, but that doesn't mean it's not offensive.  

 If your circle is fine with cash bars, fine. Have a cash bar.  It doesn't effect me.  However, don't be going around telling others not in your own social group they are fine when it's not.    

It's plain and simple a good host NEVER makes their guests open their wallets.  Period.

Yes! 

Re-posting this because it needs to be posted more than once. Hopefully it will penetrate some of the thicker skulls around here.

Inkdancer

Okay, so here are the most common arguments we've had for why a cash bar is okay, and the resulting smackdowns.

1. An open bar is too expensive. I can only afford a cash bar. Think about how you've divided up your budget. If you spent several thousand dollars on a dress and now don't have the money to host a bar, shame on you. Spoiling yourself at the expense of hosting your guests is very inconsiderate. Before you spend any wedding money, calculate the costs of food, drink, and a venue with enough chairs for every person. Subtract that from your budget, and now you know how much you can spend on everything else. And if you really don't have the money to host a full open bar (which is fair! alcohol is expensive!) you have several etiquette approved options. Serve only select drinks such as wine and beer, and possibly a signature cocktail. Serve no alcohol at all. Have your wedding at a time of day when alcohol isn't typically consumed in great quantities. Have your wedding in a venue that lets you provide your own alcohol and get it at a discount. But never, never ask your guests to pay for anything at a celebration you are hosting.

2. People get more drunk at open bars than when they have to buy their own drinks. If you have a good bartender, no they do not. No responsible bartender should be allowing people to drink more than they can handle, no matter who is footing the bill. And if you have guests who are getting inappropriately drunk, your friends have more problems than who's paying for their booze. Ultimately, you can't make your guests' choices for them. Making a rude choice can't be justified by your friends' bad habits.

3. It's normal [in my circle/ in my area/ with people I know]. Nobody will be offended, so why should I have to do it? The frequency of an event does not have anything to do with whether or not it is okay. People frequently cut others off in traffic, interrupt others while they're talking, or burp aloud at the dinner table. These things are also rude. Make the right choice, even when nobody else you know did it.

4. I/ my parents/ someone has a moral/ religious objection to providing alcohol for my guests. Then have a dry wedding. Even if you have a cash bar, you're still responsible for the alcohol being available, so you have no moral high ground here.

Did I miss any?

Sabinus15

Inkdancer said: Okay, so here are the most common arguments we've had for why a cash bar is okay, and the resulting smackdowns.

1. An open bar is too expensive. I can only afford a cash bar. Think about how you've divided up your budget. If you spent several thousand dollars on a dress and now don't have the money to host a bar, shame on you. Spoiling yourself at the expense of hosting your guests is very inconsiderate. Before you spend any wedding money, calculate the costs of food, drink, and a venue with enough chairs for every person. Subtract that from your budget, and now you know how much you can spend on everything else. And if you really don't have the money to host a full open bar (which is fair! alcohol is expensive!) you have several etiquette approved options. Serve only select drinks such as wine and beer, and possibly a signature cocktail. Serve no alcohol at all. Have your wedding at a time of day when alcohol isn't typically consumed in great quantities. Have your wedding in a venue that lets you provide your own alcohol and get it at a discount. But never, never ask your guests to pay for anything at a celebration you are hosting.

2. People get more drunk at open bars than when they have to buy their own drinks. If you have a good bartender, no they do not. No responsible bartender should be allowing people to drink more than they can handle, no matter who is footing the bill. And if you have guests who are getting inappropriately drunk, your friends have more problems than who's paying for their booze. Ultimately, you can't make your guests' choices for them. Making a rude choice can't be justified by your friends' bad habits.

3. It's normal [in my circle/ in my area/ with people I know]. Nobody will be offended, so why should I have to do it? The frequency of an event does not have anything to do with whether or not it is okay. People frequently cut others off in traffic, interrupt others while they're talking, or burp aloud at the dinner table. These things are also rude. Make the right choice, even when nobody else you know did it.

4. I/ my parents/ someone has a moral/ religious objection to providing alcohol for my guests. Then have a dry wedding. Even if you have a cash bar, you're still responsible for the alcohol being available, so you have no moral high ground here.

Did I miss any?
I agree on all but #3. In my opinion, I would agree that cash bars are generally against U.S. etiquette unless is it accepted in your local culture. For example, in my hometown, cash bars are common, no one is offended, therefore there has been no act of rudeness committed (or poor etiquette). And if a couple people are offended, couldn't it be argued that there has been a lack of cultural awareness on their part? Just because a culture is small doesn't make it any less legitimate. 

Saying that a local wedding culture is incorrect is saying that:

1. There is only one possible set of rules for proper etiquette.

2. Etiquette does not change over time. 

3. People do not determine the rules of etiquette.

Which in my opinion is a ridiculously old-fashioned line of thought. 

tcnoble

I can't handle any more "it's common so no one is offended.."

*headdesk*

ETA spelling

Sabinus15

tcnoble said:

I can't handle any more "it's common so no one is offended.."

*headdesk*

ETA spelling

It's not just common, it's culturally accepted. As in, it is not considered to be rude.