Cash Bars - Everything you need to know in one place

Maggie0829

tcnoble

WHO determined it was culturally accepted? It's just become some unspoken rule because nobody will declare it rude to the hosts of those cash bars. Fearful of being rude does not declare something proper etiquette.

Inkdancer

Sabinus15 You feel that it's old-fashioned? Of course it is! Being correct to your guests spans time. Etiquette does of course adapt over time (nobody in the 15th century could have made etiquette rules about the telephone or email) but "it doesn't bother my friends" doesn't change what is correct. It doesn't bother me that my mom doesn't serve fancy dinners with more than one fork, but it's still not etiquette-correct.

tcnoble

It kills me how on this thread and the PPD thread that people forget that this is not an "ETIQUETTE OPINION" board. People come on here seeking etiquette advice, then get defensive when the answer they get isn't the one they wanted. 

The fork example is a great one. You're not offended, but that doesn't mean every 5 star restaurant is going to start serving with one fork. It's determined by ETIQUETTE not least offensive gestures.

delujm0

Sabinus15 said:

tcnoble said:

I can't handle any more "it's common so no one is offended.."

*headdesk*

ETA spelling

It's not just common, it's culturally accepted. As in, it is not considered to be rude.

OH MY GOD.

 

For the last time, etiquette is not a regional thing.  Etiquette means "making your guests' comfort your top priority."  It is not an opinion!  It does not vay by culture!  I will maybe, MAYBE acknowledge that it varies by country.  But etiquette in the US is the same in EVERY region.  Guests' comfort is the priority.  That is etiquette.

 

Are you going to argue that your guests would feel uncomfortable if they went to your wedding and it was the first one they had ever been to that had an open bar?  I'd think they'd be thrilled to save some money.

 

I understand that in certain regions, cash bars are the norm, and that indegenous people to those regions do not think they are rude.  HOWEVER, they are still against etiquette, as etiquette is NOT a regional thing.  If you live in one of those regions, that is completely fine.  Maybe your guests won't think you are rude.  But accept that fact that if you make the decision to have a cash bar, it is against etiquette.

 

No guest is going to complain about not having to pay for drinks at your wedding.  None.  However, there is always a likelihood of a guest complaining that they DO have to pay for drinks at your wedding.  Right? 

PrettyGirlLost

Sabinus15 said:

tcnoble said:

I can't handle any more "it's common so no one is offended.."

*headdesk*

ETA spelling

It's not just common, it's culturally accepted. As in, it is not considered to be rude.

Really?  How do you know this?  Did you poll the entire region?

Sorry, but nope, I don't buy that cash bars are culturally accepted in "certain areas."

For the last time COMMON =/= ACCEPTED AND NOT RUDE.  All common means in this case is that there are a lot of people being rude in an area.  It is possible that they don't realize they are being rude and do not intend to be rude, but they are not properly hosting their guests.

Sabinus15 said:

I agree on all but #3. In my opinion, I would agree that cash bars are generally against U.S. etiquette unless is it accepted in your local culture. For example, in my hometown, cash bars are common, no one is offended, therefore there has been no act of rudeness committed (or poor etiquette). And if a couple people are offended, couldn't it be argued that there has been a lack of cultural awareness on their part? No, it's not that the offended party lacks cultural awareness it is that the offending parties lack common courtesy, etiquette, and culture IMO.  Just because a culture is small doesn't make it any less legitimate. 

Saying that a local wedding culture is incorrect is saying that:

1. There is only one possible set of rules for proper etiquette.

2. Etiquette does not change over time. 

3. People do not determine the rules of etiquette.

Which in my opinion is a ridiculously old-fashioned line of thought. 

Again, etiquette rules were established so that people could learn how to be kind and gracious hosts.  Most of the rules are timeless and universal. 

So unless we evolve to not have assess to sit on, it will still be rude in 2515 to not have enough seats for all your guests. . . unless your wedding is being held on the moon and in zero gravity, in which case everyone will be floating around and chairs will be unnecessary.

jdluvr06

tcnoble said:

It kills me how on this thread and the PPD thread that people forget that this is not an "ETIQUETTE OPINION" board. People come on here seeking etiquette advice, then get defensive when the answer they get isn't the one they wanted. 

The fork example is a great one. You're not offended, but that doesn't mean every 5 star restaurant is going to start serving with one fork. It's determined by ETIQUETTE not least offensive gestures.

What fork thing?

Maggie0829

@jdluvr06 - A poster made mention that having multiple forks out at the dinner table is proper etiquette but that when her Mom has dinner she doesn't get upset that multiple forks aren't available but just because she isn't upset doesn't mean that her Mom is following proper etiquette.

Basically she is equating the whole "well cash bars don't offend me" or "are the norm in our area" to the fact that even though you may not be offended doesn't mean that what is being done is correct etiquette wise.

NYCBruin

And FFS every time we have a poster who claims that "everyone has cash bars here" we can always find at least one person who disagrees and has been to weddings in that area without cash bars or maybe even has never been to a wedding in that region with a cash bar.  You can't speak for an entire region.  Just because you have never been to a properly hosted wedding doesn't mean they are non-existent in your locale. 

By that logic, I could claim that "no one gets mugged in New York City" because I've lived here for years and don't know anyone who has been mugged.  YOUR PERSONAL EXPERIENCE DOES NOT REPRESENT YOUR ENTIRE REGION/AREA/CULTURE/WHATEVER.

Sabinus15

delujm0 said:

Sabinus15 said:

tcnoble said:

I can't handle any more "it's common so no one is offended.."

*headdesk*

ETA spelling

It's not just common, it's culturally accepted. As in, it is not considered to be rude.

OH MY GOD.

 

For the last time, etiquette is not a regional thing.  Etiquette means "making your guests' comfort your top priority."  It is not an opinion!  It does not vary by culture!  I will maybe, MAYBE acknowledge that it varies by country.  But etiquette in the US is the same in EVERY region.  Guests' comfort is the priority.  That is etiquette.

 

Are you going to argue that your guests would feel uncomfortable if they went to your wedding and it was the first one they had ever been to that had an open bar?  I'd think they'd be thrilled to save some money.

 

I understand that in certain regions, cash bars are the norm, and that indegenous people to those regions do not think they are rude.  HOWEVER, they are still against etiquette, as etiquette is NOT a regional thing.  If you live in one of those regions, that is completely fine.  Maybe your guests won't think you are rude.  But accept that fact that if you make the decision to have a cash bar, it is against etiquette.

 

No guest is going to complain about not having to pay for drinks at your wedding.  None.  However, there is always a likelihood of a guest complaining that they DO have to pay for drinks at your wedding.  Right? 

Well, actually…

"Each society, country and culture will have numerous nuances that would make it irresponsible to suggest a uniform approach to understanding any country's social/business culture or etiquette. One also has to take into account the personal cultures of individuals, whether they be religious, regional, gender, corporate or otherwise."

-http://www.kwintessential.co.uk/resources/country-profiles.html

PrettyGirlLost

Sabinus15 said:

delujm0 said:

Sabinus15 said:

tcnoble said:

I can't handle any more "it's common so no one is offended.."

*headdesk*

ETA spelling

It's not just common, it's culturally accepted. As in, it is not considered to be rude.

OH MY GOD.

 

For the last time, etiquette is not a regional thing.  Etiquette means "making your guests' comfort your top priority."  It is not an opinion!  It does not vary by culture!  I will maybe, MAYBE acknowledge that it varies by country.  But etiquette in the US is the same in EVERY region.  Guests' comfort is the priority.  That is etiquette.

 

Are you going to argue that your guests would feel uncomfortable if they went to your wedding and it was the first one they had ever been to that had an open bar?  I'd think they'd be thrilled to save some money.

 

I understand that in certain regions, cash bars are the norm, and that indegenous people to those regions do not think they are rude.  HOWEVER, they are still against etiquette, as etiquette is NOT a regional thing.  If you live in one of those regions, that is completely fine.  Maybe your guests won't think you are rude.  But accept that fact that if you make the decision to have a cash bar, it is against etiquette.

 

No guest is going to complain about not having to pay for drinks at your wedding.  None.  However, there is always a likelihood of a guest complaining that they DO have to pay for drinks at your wedding.  Right? 

Well, actually…

"Each society, country and culture will have numerous nuances that would make it irresponsible to suggest a uniform approach to understanding any country's social/business culture or etiquette. One also has to take into account the personal cultures of individuals, whether they be religious, regional, gender, corporate or otherwise."

-http://www.kwintessential.co.uk/resources/country-profiles.html

That is one site that is describing "supposed" social cultural differences.  They have nothing to do with the etiquette of properly hosting an event.

jdluvr06

@Maggie0829 oh ok. I have to say I never did understand the purpose of multiple forks. It's another one of those things that could care less either way if people have them or not but I am interested in knowing the reasoning behind it. Google here I come. Lol.

lyndausvi

anyone else getting dizzy?

Sabinus15

PrettyGirlLost said: Sabinus15 said: delujm0 said:
Sabinus15 said: tcnoble said: I can't handle any more "it's common so no one is offended.."
*headdesk*


ETA spellingIt's not just common, it's culturally accepted. As in, it is not considered to be rude. OH MY GOD.   For the last time, etiquette is not a regional thing.  Etiquette means "making your guests' comfort your top priority."  It is not an opinion!  It does not vary by culture!  I will maybe, MAYBE acknowledge that it varies by country.  But etiquette in the US is the same in EVERY region.  Guests' comfort is the priority.  That is etiquette.   Are you going to argue that your guests would feel uncomfortable if they went to your wedding and it was the first one they had ever been to that had an open bar?  I'd think they'd be thrilled to save some money.   I understand that in certain regions, cash bars are the norm, and that indegenous people to those regions do not think they are rude.  HOWEVER, they are still against etiquette, as etiquette is NOT a regional thing.  If you live in one of those regions, that is completely fine.  Maybe your guests won't think you are rude.  But accept that fact that if you make the decision to have a cash bar, it is against etiquette.   No guest is going to complain about not having to pay for drinks at your wedding.  None.  However, there is always a likelihood of a guest complaining that they DO have to pay for drinks at your wedding.  Right? 
Well, actually…
"Each society, country and culture will have numerous nuances that would make it irresponsible to suggest a uniform approach to understanding any country's social/business culture or etiquette. One also has to take into account the personal cultures of individuals, whether they be religious, regional, gender, corporate or otherwise."
-http://www.kwintessential.co.uk/resources/country-profiles.html

That is one site that is describing "supposed" social cultural differences.  They have nothing to do with the etiquette of properly hosting an event.

So enlighten me, how is general etiquette qualitatively different from the etiquette involved in hosting an event? Is event etiquette that completely separate and independent from a culture's general system of etiquette, that it is not subject to the same traits of how etiquette itself functions and changes?  

Are you seriously saying that cultures are not different? 

NYCBruin

Sabinus15 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

Sabinus15 said:

delujm0 said:

Sabinus15 said:

tcnoble said:

I can't handle any more "it's common so no one is offended.."

*headdesk*

ETA spelling

It's not just common, it's culturally accepted. As in, it is not considered to be rude.

OH MY GOD.

 

For the last time, etiquette is not a regional thing.  Etiquette means "making your guests' comfort your top priority."  It is not an opinion!  It does not vary by culture!  I will maybe, MAYBE acknowledge that it varies by country.  But etiquette in the US is the same in EVERY region.  Guests' comfort is the priority.  That is etiquette.

 

Are you going to argue that your guests would feel uncomfortable if they went to your wedding and it was the first one they had ever been to that had an open bar?  I'd think they'd be thrilled to save some money.

 

I understand that in certain regions, cash bars are the norm, and that indegenous people to those regions do not think they are rude.  HOWEVER, they are still against etiquette, as etiquette is NOT a regional thing.  If you live in one of those regions, that is completely fine.  Maybe your guests won't think you are rude.  But accept that fact that if you make the decision to have a cash bar, it is against etiquette.

 

No guest is going to complain about not having to pay for drinks at your wedding.  None.  However, there is always a likelihood of a guest complaining that they DO have to pay for drinks at your wedding.  Right? 

Well, actually…

"Each society, country and culture will have numerous nuances that would make it irresponsible to suggest a uniform approach to understanding any country's social/business culture or etiquette. One also has to take into account the personal cultures of individuals, whether they be religious, regional, gender, corporate or otherwise."

-http://www.kwintessential.co.uk/resources/country-profiles.html

That is one site that is describing "supposed" social cultural differences.  They have nothing to do with the etiquette of properly hosting an event.

So enlighten me, how is general etiquette qualitatively different from the etiquette involved in hosting an event? Is event etiquette that completely separate and independent from a culture's general system of etiquette, that it is not subject to the same traits of how etiquette itself functions and changes?  

Are you seriously saying that cultures are not different? 

Cultural differences: the type of food or alcohol you serve at an event

A rude vs. polite thing: asking people to pay for a party you are hosting to thank them

Also, to my previous point.  What culture are you speaking on behalf of?  Because I guarantee there is another poster on this board who identifies with that culture and will disagree with you. 

Sabinus15

NYCBruin said:

Sabinus15 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

Sabinus15 said:

delujm0 said:

Sabinus15 said:

tcnoble said:

I can't handle any more "it's common so no one is offended.."

*headdesk*

ETA spelling

It's not just common, it's culturally accepted. As in, it is not considered to be rude.

OH MY GOD.

 

For the last time, etiquette is not a regional thing.  Etiquette means "making your guests' comfort your top priority."  It is not an opinion!  It does not vary by culture!  I will maybe, MAYBE acknowledge that it varies by country.  But etiquette in the US is the same in EVERY region.  Guests' comfort is the priority.  That is etiquette.

 

Are you going to argue that your guests would feel uncomfortable if they went to your wedding and it was the first one they had ever been to that had an open bar?  I'd think they'd be thrilled to save some money.

 

I understand that in certain regions, cash bars are the norm, and that indegenous people to those regions do not think they are rude.  HOWEVER, they are still against etiquette, as etiquette is NOT a regional thing.  If you live in one of those regions, that is completely fine.  Maybe your guests won't think you are rude.  But accept that fact that if you make the decision to have a cash bar, it is against etiquette.

 

No guest is going to complain about not having to pay for drinks at your wedding.  None.  However, there is always a likelihood of a guest complaining that they DO have to pay for drinks at your wedding.  Right? 

Well, actually…

"Each society, country and culture will have numerous nuances that would make it irresponsible to suggest a uniform approach to understanding any country's social/business culture or etiquette. One also has to take into account the personal cultures of individuals, whether they be religious, regional, gender, corporate or otherwise."

-http://www.kwintessential.co.uk/resources/country-profiles.html

That is one site that is describing "supposed" social cultural differences.  They have nothing to do with the etiquette of properly hosting an event.

So enlighten me, how is general etiquette qualitatively different from the etiquette involved in hosting an event? Is event etiquette that completely separate and independent from a culture's general system of etiquette, that it is not subject to the same traits of how etiquette itself functions and changes?  

Are you seriously saying that cultures are not different? 

Cultural differences: the type of food or alcohol you serve at an event

A rude vs. polite thing: asking people to pay for a party you are hosting to thank them

Also, to my previous point.  What culture are you speaking on behalf of?  Because I guarantee there is another poster on this board who identifies with that culture and will disagree with you. 

No, there is such a thing as etiquette varying by culture. 

Maybe you think that etiquette means BEING polite, which yes, is universal.

HOW to be polite (aka: the rules of etiquette) unarguably varies by culture, and if you can't see that, then you missed a lesson or two on geography. 

delujm0

I said in my previous post that i will make some allowances for different countries having different etiquette standards.  However, if you live in the US, cash bars are rude.  Period.  There are not multiple etiquette cultures in this country.  There is "caring about your guests' comfort" and "not caring about your guests' comfort."

 

I have heard from brides on here that have had to make extreme plans in order to get an open bar in Ireland, or elsewhere in Europe, because it is absolutely unheard of there.  I'll allow for that.  It's like how you don't tip waitstaff in Europe, because they are already paid a living wage (unlike in the US where they make $2/hour).  Note, that even in this instance, again, NO ONE, no matter where they are located, would complain about a fully paid for open bar, just like your European waitress isn't going to complain if you tip her unnecessarily.  Why would anyone hate being fully hosted?  But yes, in some other countries, it is not seen as rude to have a cash bar.

 

Just because it's not seen as rude in some countries for your guests to pay for their own drinks doesn't mean your guests wouldn't be extremely grateful to not have to do so at your hosted event.  Which brings me back to etiquette = prioritizing your guests' comfort = a hosted bar is always the best option etiquette-wise, because everyone will be happy with it.

 

Do not tell me that in the midwestern US it is "etiquette approved" to have an open bar though.  I have heard that excuse about 1000 too many times.

Sabinus15

delujm0 said: I said in my previous post that i will make some allowances for different countries having different etiquette standards.  However, if you live in the US, cash bars are rude.  Period.  There are not multiple etiquette cultures in this country.  There is "caring about your guests' comfort" and "not caring about your guests' comfort."   I have heard from brides on here that have had to make extreme plans in order to get an open bar in Ireland, or elsewhere in Europe, because it is absolutely unheard of there.  I'll allow for that.  It's like how you don't tip waitstaff in Europe, because they are already paid a living wage (unlike in the US where they make $2/hour).  Note, that even in this instance, again, NO ONE, no matter where they are located, would complain about a fully paid for open bar, just like your European waitress isn't going to complain if you tip her unnecessarily.  Why would anyone hate being fully hosted?  But yes, in some other countries, it is not seen as rude to have a cash bar.   Just because it's not seen as rude in some countries for your guests to pay for their own drinks doesn't mean your guests wouldn't be extremely grateful to not have to do so at your hosted event.  Which brings me back to etiquette = prioritizing your guests' comfort = a hosted bar is always the best option etiquette-wise, because everyone will be happy with it.   Do not tell me that in the midwestern US it is "etiquette approved" to have an open bar though.  I have heard that excuse about 1000 too many times.

First of all I acknowledged that in general, a cash bar is poor etiquette in the U.S, and yes, an open bar is always the preferable option if you want alcohol at your wedding. But, how can you be so sure that there is absolutely no region in the U.S. in which cash bars do follow good etiquette? You haven't taken a poll either. 

So it seems that neither argument can be proven true right here, right now. However, I think we can all agree that you should know your guest's preferences and try your best to make sure they have a good time without offending them. 

PrettyGirlLost

NYCBruin said:

Sabinus15 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

That is one site that is describing "supposed" social cultural differences.  They have nothing to do with the etiquette of properly hosting an event.

So enlighten me, how is general etiquette qualitatively different from the etiquette involved in hosting an event? Is event etiquette that completely separate and independent from a culture's general system of etiquette, that it is not subject to the same traits of how etiquette itself functions and changes?  

Are you seriously saying that cultures are not different? 

Cultural differences: the type of food or alcohol you serve at an event

A rude vs. polite thing: asking people to pay for a party you are hosting to thank them

Also, to my previous point.  What culture are you speaking on behalf of?  Because I guarantee there is another poster on this board who identifies with that culture and will disagree with you. 

Exactly.

manateehugger

Sabinus15 said:

delujm0 said:

I said in my previous post that i will make some allowances for different countries having different etiquette standards.  However, if you live in the US, cash bars are rude.  Period.  There are not multiple etiquette cultures in this country.  There is "caring about your guests' comfort" and "not caring about your guests' comfort."

 

I have heard from brides on here that have had to make extreme plans in order to get an open bar in Ireland, or elsewhere in Europe, because it is absolutely unheard of there.  I'll allow for that.  It's like how you don't tip waitstaff in Europe, because they are already paid a living wage (unlike in the US where they make $2/hour).  Note, that even in this instance, again, NO ONE, no matter where they are located, would complain about a fully paid for open bar, just like your European waitress isn't going to complain if you tip her unnecessarily.  Why would anyone hate being fully hosted?  But yes, in some other countries, it is not seen as rude to have a cash bar.

 

Just because it's not seen as rude in some countries for your guests to pay for their own drinks doesn't mean your guests wouldn't be extremely grateful to not have to do so at your hosted event.  Which brings me back to etiquette = prioritizing your guests' comfort = a hosted bar is always the best option etiquette-wise, because everyone will be happy with it.

 

Do not tell me that in the midwestern US it is "etiquette approved" to have an open bar though.  I have heard that excuse about 1000 too many times.

First of all I acknowledged that in general, a cash bar is poor etiquette in the U.S, and yes, an open bar is always the preferable option if you want alcohol at your wedding. But, how can you be so sure that there is absolutely no region in the U.S. in which cash bars do follow good etiquette? You haven't taken a poll either. 

So it seems that neither argument can be proven true right here, right now. However, I think we can all agree that you should know your guest's preferences and try your best to make sure they have a good time without offending them. 

Because there's no place in the country where a guest wouldn't be more comfortable having drinks appropriately offered to them at a hosted event versus being sent to an ATM to shell out cash for a drink at a hosted event. 

NYCMercedes

@sabinas15. A lady or gentleman never would be so rude as to tell you that your actions are rude. As your guest, I wouldn't tell you your cash bar is offensive. Thus, how do you know what everyone thinks?

JCbride2015

What part of "etiquette is not a matter of opinion" do people not understand?  Arguing about whether a cash bar is improper etiquette in the US is like arguing about whether it's illegal to exceed the speed limit.  Sure, people exceed the speed limit all the time, and maybe where you live, everybody speeds.  But it's still illegal.

I just.... can't with this.

Jen4948

JCBride2014 said:

What part of "etiquette is not a matter of opinion" do people not understand?  Arguing about whether a cash bar is improper etiquette in the US is like arguing about whether it's illegal to exceed the speed limit.  Sure, people exceed the speed limit all the time, and maybe where you live, everybody speeds.  But it's still illegal.

I just.... can't with this.

I sympathize.  They just won't accept that no, it is not "opinion," "regional," or that they or their friends or relatives aren't entitled to drinks at weddings, even if they themselves don't want to pay for them.  So they perpetuate impoliteness and keep trying to justify what is unjustifiable.

mimiphin

JCBride2014 said:

What part of "etiquette is not a matter of opinion" do people not understand?  Arguing about whether a cash bar is improper etiquette in the US is like arguing about whether it's illegal to exceed the speed limit.  Sure, people exceed the speed limit all the time, and maybe where you live, everybody speeds.  But it's still illegal.

I just.... can't with this.

THIS!!!!!

jdluvr06

I really don't care either way about the cash bar thing, however I do get irritated when I see some posters say they wouldn't go to a wedding they knew had a cash bar and then turn around and say other posters are petty because they would leave a dry wedding early. Isn't it the same pettiness that drives a person to be offended by a cash bar as people who get bored at a dry reception?

Jen4948

jdluvr06 said:

I really don't care either way about the cash bar thing, however I do get irritated when I see some posters say they wouldn't go to a wedding they knew had a cash bar and then turn around and say other posters are petty because they would leave a dry wedding early. Isn't it the same pettiness that drives a person to be offended by a cash bar as people who get bored at a dry reception?

No, because it's not "pettiness" that causes people to not go to weddings with cash bars.  It's because the reception is a thank-you to the guests, not the couple, and the guests should not have to pay for their own provisions-in some cases, they probably can't afford to pay for drinks-and by going to a wedding knowing it's a cash bar, that implies approval of what doesn't pass etiquette muster.

Given that no one is entitled to alcohol, it's perfectly acceptable and possible to not be bored at a dry wedding.  That one might be bored at a dry wedding is not a given-it's a chosen.  So leaving early out of "boredom" because the wedding is dry IS petty.

jdluvr06

jdluvr06 said:

I really don't care either way about the cash bar thing, however I do get irritated when I see some posters say they wouldn't go to a wedding they knew had a cash bar and then turn around and say other posters are petty because they would leave a dry wedding early. Isn't it the same pettiness that drives a person to be offended by a cash bar as people who get bored at a dry reception?

No, because it's not "pettiness" that causes people to not go to weddings with cash bars.  It's because the reception is a thank-you to the guests, not the couple, and the guests should not have to pay for their own provisions-in some cases, they probably can't afford to pay for drinks-and by going to a wedding knowing it's a cash bar, that implies approval of what doesn't pass etiquette muster.

Given that no one is entitled to alcohol, it's perfectly acceptable and possible to not be bored at a dry wedding.  That one might be bored at a dry wedding is not a given-it's a chosen.  So leaving early out of "boredom" because the wedding is dry IS petty.

Well I feel it is petty to not go to a wedding because of a cash bar. If you won't go to a friends or relatives wedding because of something silly like that then I feel that you must not care that much for the people getting married. ETA: also I don't really view the reception as a thank you to guest. I view it as a continuation of the celebration, then again I'm not a big fan of most weddings and the only reason I go is to show support for my loved ones.

cruffino

jdluvr06 said:

Jen4948 said:

jdluvr06 said:

I really don't care either way about the cash bar thing, however I do get irritated when I see some posters say they wouldn't go to a wedding they knew had a cash bar and then turn around and say other posters are petty because they would leave a dry wedding early. Isn't it the same pettiness that drives a person to be offended by a cash bar as people who get bored at a dry reception?

No, because it's not "pettiness" that causes people to not go to weddings with cash bars.  It's because the reception is a thank-you to the guests, not the couple, and the guests should not have to pay for their own provisions-in some cases, they probably can't afford to pay for drinks-and by going to a wedding knowing it's a cash bar, that implies approval of what doesn't pass etiquette muster.

Given that no one is entitled to alcohol, it's perfectly acceptable and possible to not be bored at a dry wedding.  That one might be bored at a dry wedding is not a given-it's a chosen.  So leaving early out of "boredom" because the wedding is dry IS petty.

Well I feel it is petty to not go to a wedding because of a cash bar. If you won't go to a friends or relatives wedding because of something silly like that then I feel that you must not care that much for the people getting married. ETA: also I don't really view the reception as a thank you to guest. I view it as a continuation of the celebration, then again I'm not a big fan of most weddings and the only reason I go is to show support for my loved ones.

If I'm spending my time and money to celebrate your life event, which you asked me to attend, then I expect to be properly hosted. If I want to buy drinks I'll go to a bar, wear some jeans, and not watch you prance around all night in a wedding dress. Doesn't mean I don't love you or am not happy for you. Just a preference on how I spend my free time.

Jen4948

cruffino said:

jdluvr06 said:

I really don't care either way about the cash bar thing, however I do get irritated when I see some posters say they wouldn't go to a wedding they knew had a cash bar and then turn around and say other posters are petty because they would leave a dry wedding early. Isn't it the same pettiness that drives a person to be offended by a cash bar as people who get bored at a dry reception?

No, because it's not "pettiness" that causes people to not go to weddings with cash bars.  It's because the reception is a thank-you to the guests, not the couple, and the guests should not have to pay for their own provisions-in some cases, they probably can't afford to pay for drinks-and by going to a wedding knowing it's a cash bar, that implies approval of what doesn't pass etiquette muster.

Given that no one is entitled to alcohol, it's perfectly acceptable and possible to not be bored at a dry wedding.  That one might be bored at a dry wedding is not a given-it's a chosen.  So leaving early out of "boredom" because the wedding is dry IS petty.

Well I feel it is petty to not go to a wedding because of a cash bar. If you won't go to a friends or relatives wedding because of something silly like that then I feel that you must not care that much for the people getting married. ETA: also I don't really view the reception as a thank you to guest. I view it as a continuation of the celebration, then again I'm not a big fan of most weddings and the only reason I go is to show support for my loved ones.

If I'm spending my time and money to celebrate your life event, which you asked me to attend, then I expect to be properly hosted. If I want to buy drinks I'll go to a bar, wear some jeans, and not watch you prance around all night in a wedding dress. Doesn't mean I don't love you or am not happy for you. Just a preference on how I spend my free time.

This 100%.

Jen4948

jdluvr06 said:

jdluvr06 said:

I really don't care either way about the cash bar thing, however I do get irritated when I see some posters say they wouldn't go to a wedding they knew had a cash bar and then turn around and say other posters are petty because they would leave a dry wedding early. Isn't it the same pettiness that drives a person to be offended by a cash bar as people who get bored at a dry reception?

No, because it's not "pettiness" that causes people to not go to weddings with cash bars.  It's because the reception is a thank-you to the guests, not the couple, and the guests should not have to pay for their own provisions-in some cases, they probably can't afford to pay for drinks-and by going to a wedding knowing it's a cash bar, that implies approval of what doesn't pass etiquette muster.

Given that no one is entitled to alcohol, it's perfectly acceptable and possible to not be bored at a dry wedding.  That one might be bored at a dry wedding is not a given-it's a chosen.  So leaving early out of "boredom" because the wedding is dry IS petty.

Well I feel it is petty to not go to a wedding because of a cash bar. If you won't go to a friends or relatives wedding because of something silly like that then I feel that you must not care that much for the people getting married. ETA: also I don't really view the reception as a thank you to guest. I view it as a continuation of the celebration, then again I'm not a big fan of most weddings and the only reason I go is to show support for my loved ones.

How you view it does not constitute proper etiquette as to how everyone else should view it or behave.  

You want to buy a drink and think that's the most important thing about a wedding reception?  Fine, leave the wedding and go to a bar, because clearly, having a drink is more important to you and you "don't care that much for the people getting married" because of your unwillingness to accept the hospitality offered as it comes without having to run out to satisfy your need choice to drink alcohol. It makes you look hypocritical as well as "petty."