Destination Wedding Etiquette

TiaTea · January 2014

Maggie0829 said:

"They can't grasp this concept because the one's planning such a thing don't give a shit about others feelings because it is a "me, me, all about me" world to them."

"If my friends and family cared more about a fucking party then the fact that I am marrying the love of my life then I really would rather not associate with them anymore."

Didn't you say that it's not about you?
Did you invite your guestd because they wanted to see your ceremony? Was the ceremony about you and him, or about them?
Wasn't the fucking party to thank your guests?

Too much contradiction, mostly because you are trying to fit everybody under a "common denominator."
Whatever your wedding was, hope you and friends enjoyed it. Let the others have whatever THEY enjoy, the marrying couples and their friends and family.

TiaTea · January 2014

I am verry sorry for the third post . It's hard to follow with all the quotes.
Is STBMEverhard married?

"For us to have a nice wedding (nothing over-the-top, expensive or grandiose) in a location we and our guests would enjoy, that we could afford without one of us selling a kidney, a DW was the way to go"
...
"However, since we do not consider ourselves married..."

You are either married or not. It's not a matter of "considering yourself" . It's a matter of legallity. ,

What a confusing thread!

Jells2dot0 · January 2014

TiaTea said:

I am verry sorry for the third post . It's hard to follow with all the quotes.
Is STBMEverhard married?

"For us to have a nice wedding (nothing over-the-top, expensive or grandiose) in a location we and our guests would enjoy, that we could afford without one of us selling a kidney, a DW was the way to go"
...
"However, since we do not consider ourselves married..."

You are either married or not. It's not a matter of "considering yourself" . It's a matter of legallity. ,

What a confusing thread!

Yes- she had a civil ceremony and is legally married to her spouse. She is saying she does not consider herself married until she has a ceremony in Mexico with her guests present.

MobKaz · January 2014

TiaTea said:

I am verry sorry for the third post . It's hard to follow with all the quotes.
Is STBMEverhard married?

"For us to have a nice wedding (nothing over-the-top, expensive or grandiose) in a location we and our guests would enjoy, that we could afford without one of us selling a kidney, a DW was the way to go"
...
"However, since we do not consider ourselves married..."

You are either married or not. It's not a matter of "considering yourself" . It's a matter of legallity. ,

What a confusing thread!

She is married. And having a reenactment at a destination location, months after the fact. And makes no bones about admitting that she is deliberately lying to her guests about it because it is a detail they do not need to know. (She does not refer to it as lying.....she just thinks no one needs to know about her legal life.) And following the destination farce, she is having an additional event to celebrate with guests not invited to either other event.

If you are OK with treating your closest friends and family in that manner..........

TiaTea · January 2014

Here is a good story for everybody who ever wants to discuss "real" vs. "just papers" wedding.
The only real ... Let me repeat it that way THE ONLY REAL MARRAGE IS THE LEGAL ONE. The one when you sign papers and file them.
Everything else , no matter how spiritual, pretty, thoughtful, or traditional, is just a decoration to the real marriage.
https://www.google.com/#q=their+papers+did+not+get+filed+and+they+were+not+married

JellyBean52513 · January 2014

TiaTea said:

I am verry sorry for the third post . It's hard to follow with all the quotes.
Is STBMEverhard married?

"For us to have a nice wedding (nothing over-the-top, expensive or grandiose) in a location we and our guests would enjoy, that we could afford without one of us selling a kidney, a DW was the way to go"
...
"However, since we do not consider ourselves married..."

You are either married or not. It's not a matter of "considering yourself" . It's a matter of legallity.

What a confusing thread!

STB is married but she only refers to her husband as her spouse when it comes to dealing with health insurance, i.e., in order to extend coverage to him and get those benefits. She is inviting people to a reenactment of a wedding ceremony (even though she calls it a wedding, which it isn't, because she already had a wedding). Legally, she's a wife. Realistically, she's playing pretend like a 6-year old would and her "wedding" in Mexico will have about as much worth as a playground ceremony performed during recess in elementary school: it's. not. a. real. wedding. That ship has sailed, you are married, accept it and stop lying to people because God doesn't like ugly and karma doesn't like liars.

PrettyGirlLost · January 2014

TiaTea said:

I am trying to follow up the logic here:

Maggie0829 said:
"Please people, remember that the actual act of marrying your FI is what people want to see. They aren't just coming for the party."

Cookie Pusher said
"Having the reception is to thank your guests for coming to witness the getting married part."

The guests wanted to witness the wedding, so you invited them, meaning you gave them what they wanted.
Then you have a reception to thank them for the fact that you already gave them what they wanted on the first place?
Yes? No?

Yes, pretty much. The reception is thrown in honor of the guests to thank them for supporting and celebrating your marriage.

PrettyGirlLost · January 2014

TiaTea said:

Here is a good story for everybody who ever wants to discuss "real" vs. "just papers" wedding.
The only real ... Let me repeat it that way THE ONLY REAL MARRAGE IS THE LEGAL ONE. The one when you sign papers and file them.
Everything else , no matter how spiritual, pretty, thoughtful, or traditional, is just a decoration to the real marriage.
https://www.google.com/#q=their+papers+did+not+get+filed+and+they+were+not+married

Oooook. But for the majority of the people in the US, the spiritual, religious, etc ceremony AND signing the license that makes the marriage legal occurs on THE SAME DAY.

And guess what, the marriage isn't legally valid until the license is filed, and that doesn't usually happen exactly on the wedding day.

If you want to understand the issues with PPDs, which is at the heart of the arguments with STBMrsEverhart, then read the PPD sticky. But it basically boils down to this:

Having a PPD or 2nd wedding ceremony after you are already legally married at the JOP, is ridiculous and offensive to many because what it says to people is "Hey everyone, look at me! I had a shotgun JOP wedding because I wanted some sort of government benefit immediately and didn't have the money saved to host the wedding reception I really wanted. So now I'm having a wedding redo so I can have the big floofy dress and party that I really wanted."

It's offensive because it shows selfishness and impulsiveness on the part of the couple, and it's a smack in the face to everyone who chooses to have a single JOP ceremony as their wedding. . . it's like saying to those people that their wedding wasn't "real" because they chose not to have a PPD.

To make matters worse, for the most part, brides that have a PPD are not forthcoming with their guests that they are actually already married, and lying to people who are supposed to be so close to you about something as significant as marriage is terrible.

PPDs are also offensive because they miss the mark of what a wedding is and why it is important- your wedding ceremony is the important part and that occurs when you legally and/or in the eyes of your chosen deity become husband and wife.

MobKaz · January 2014

JellyBean52513 said:

TiaTea said:

I am verry sorry for the third post . It's hard to follow with all the quotes.
Is STBMEverhard married?

"For us to have a nice wedding (nothing over-the-top, expensive or grandiose) in a location we and our guests would enjoy, that we could afford without one of us selling a kidney, a DW was the way to go"
...
"However, since we do not consider ourselves married..."

You are either married or not. It's not a matter of "considering yourself" . It's a matter of legallity.

What a confusing thread!

STB is married but she only refers to her husband as her spouse when it comes to dealing with health insurance, i.e., in order to extend coverage to him and get those benefits. She is inviting people to a reenactment of a wedding ceremony (even though she calls it a wedding, which it isn't, because she already had a wedding). Legally, she's a wife. Realistically, she's playing pretend like a 6-year old would and her "wedding" in Mexico will have about as much worth as a playground ceremony performed during recess in elementary school: it's. not. a. real. wedding. That ship has sailed, you are married, accept it and stop lying to people because God doesn't like ugly and karma doesn't like liars.

I think I've stumbled upon her Pinterest board.........

...

mrs4everhart · January 2014

Because there is far too much going on above to want to quote/re-quote/etc. all I will say is what we consider our relationship status, how we go about our wedding, weddingS, reception, after party and whatever else we feel it necessary to host and pay for, is really our concern and prerogative. I've been clear that we don't consider what we're doing lying because as one of you ladies put it, we don't consider our legal lives the business of our friends and family. Although a small handful do know and don't care (they understand and accept our arrangement). I really don't see why strangers, not the least bit effected by these types of arrangements, get themselves worked up over what order other strangers get married!

At the end of the day our guests who decide to travel to Mexico will get what they came for: vows, rings, flowers, a lovely ceremony, a great reception and from that day forward we'll happily be referring to the other as "husband/wife." When we get back to the states I'll wade through the red tape and share a last name with him. No one at any point was EVER going to see or be involved with our marriage license whether we signed it 5 years ago, last week, next week or in September. We personally see a huge difference in the ceremonial aspects of a wedding/marriage and the legal aspects and truly don't see that the requirements for both most be met simultaneously. If all of you do, I encourage you all to make sure you sign your license on your wedding day.

As for amending our plans to avoid god's wrath, thanks, we'll worry about our own souls and if we ever get the idea we'd like to be preached to, we'll make our way to church. I don't see that happening however. Our karma will weather this as well. I don't think either of us believes that our approach to marriage negates good that we do or positivity we put out in the universe.

I'll continue to encourage women to make their own choices on this subject. You all will continue to offer opposing viewpoints. It'll go on forever..........

MobKaz · January 2014

It's a story as old as Cain and Abel......good versus evil.....right versus wrong.

mrs4everhart · January 2014

mobkaz said:

It's a story as old as Cain and Abel......good versus evil.....right versus wrong.

The bible is book of stories made up to scare people in to a set morality. Morality, like good and evil, right and wrong, so on and so forth are all relative. You go out and find yours, I'll live mine.

PrettyGirlLost · January 2014

STBMrsEverhart said:

mobkaz said:

It's a story as old as Cain and Abel......good versus evil.....right versus wrong.

The bible is book of stories made up to scare people in to a set morality. Morality, like good and evil, right and wrong, so on and so forth are all relative. You go out and find yours, I'll live mine.

I'm not so sure about that one. I think there are some universal morals we can all agree on. . .he major religions seem to- Killing other ppl is bad, for instance.

mrs4everhart · January 2014

PrettyGirlLost said: STBMrsEverhart said: mobkaz said: It's a story as old as Cain and Abel......good versus evil.....right versus wrong.

The bible is book of stories made up to scare people in to a set morality. Morality, like good and evil, right and wrong, so on and so forth are all relative. You go out and find yours, I'll live mine. I'm not so sure about that one. I think there are some universal morals we can all agree on. . .he major religions seem to- Killing other ppl is bad, for instance.
ETA: what is with the formatting lately?

I certainly do not want to turn this in to a moral debate, but I personally don't believe all killing is bad using your bolded example. There's that relatavism again. It's how TV shows like Dexter for instance do so well with the greater societal psyche. And yes, I understand the show is make believe but my point remains the same: It's "ok" to kill the "bad" guy. Is it? Is the Navy Seal who put two in Bin Laden's dome a murderous, cold blooded killer? Some might say he is. I personally don't agree. I think he's a hero and a damn fine individual. But there are many who would say the same of Bin Laden himself. And the only thing that makes one party "right" and the other "wrong" is what side of the particular argument they fall on, their life experiences, their morality.

Referring to thousands of years old texts may help some form their moral compass. For others, they may trust their own guidance in this area. Since none of us will ever really know which was the correct path until we're dead, if even then, I suppose this train of thought is a waste of time.

MobKaz · January 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

mobkaz said:

It's a story as old as Cain and Abel......good versus evil.....right versus wrong.

The bible is book of stories made up to scare people in to a set morality. Morality, like good and evil, right and wrong, so on and so forth are all relative. You go out and find yours, I'll live mine.

I'm not so sure about that one. I think there are some universal morals we can all agree on. . .he major religions seem to- Killing other ppl is bad, for instance.

PGL....the irony of the book title was clearly lost on some posters. A children's version, focusing on pride and lies, seemed fitting....almost autobiographical. I took a chance using such a reference on someone lacking morals. The world may be relative, but most people have a comparison base that goes beyond their own frighteningly narrow, single viewpoint.

mrs4everhart · January 2014

mobkaz said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

mobkaz said:

It's a story as old as Cain and Abel......good versus evil.....right versus wrong.

The bible is book of stories made up to scare people in to a set morality. Morality, like good and evil, right and wrong, so on and so forth are all relative. You go out and find yours, I'll live mine.

I'm not so sure about that one. I think there are some universal morals we can all agree on. . .he major religions seem to- Killing other ppl is bad, for instance.

PGL....the irony of the book title was clearly lost on some posters. No, I got it. I just chose to ignore it. I think a grown woman who needs to google stupid graphics to seem witty is more childish than having a differing opinion. A children's version, focusing on pride and lies, seemed fitting....almost autobiographical. I took a chance using such a reference on someone lacking morals. The world may be relative, but most people have a comparison base that goes beyond their own frighteningly narrow, single viewpoint. The fact that you're so disappointed you think people "missed it" that you had to come back and point out your lame handiwork is laughable.

MobKaz · January 2014

STBMrsEverhart said:

mobkaz said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

mobkaz said:

It's a story as old as Cain and Abel......good versus evil.....right versus wrong.

The bible is book of stories made up to scare people in to a set morality. Morality, like good and evil, right and wrong, so on and so forth are all relative. You go out and find yours, I'll live mine.

I'm not so sure about that one. I think there are some universal morals we can all agree on. . .he major religions seem to- Killing other ppl is bad, for instance.

PGL....the irony of the book title was clearly lost on some posters. No, I got it. I just chose to ignore it. I think a grown woman who needs to google stupid graphics to seem witty is more childish than having a differing opinion. A children's version, focusing on pride and lies, seemed fitting....almost autobiographical. I took a chance using such a reference on someone lacking morals. The world may be relative, but most people have a comparison base that goes beyond their own frighteningly narrow, single viewpoint. The fact that you're so disappointed you think people "missed it" that you had to come back and point out your lame handiwork is laughable.

I wasn't disappointed people missed it; it was only meant for you. I can understand how you would be confused, however. Using the term "people" in reference to you is quite the misnomer.

Having a different opinion is childish now?

mrs4everhart · January 2014

mobkaz said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

mobkaz said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

mobkaz said:

It's a story as old as Cain and Abel......good versus evil.....right versus wrong.

The bible is book of stories made up to scare people in to a set morality. Morality, like good and evil, right and wrong, so on and so forth are all relative. You go out and find yours, I'll live mine.

I'm not so sure about that one. I think there are some universal morals we can all agree on. . .he major religions seem to- Killing other ppl is bad, for instance.

PGL....the irony of the book title was clearly lost on some posters. No, I got it. I just chose to ignore it. I think a grown woman who needs to google stupid graphics to seem witty is more childish than having a differing opinion. A children's version, focusing on pride and lies, seemed fitting....almost autobiographical. I took a chance using such a reference on someone lacking morals. The world may be relative, but most people have a comparison base that goes beyond their own frighteningly narrow, single viewpoint. The fact that you're so disappointed you think people "missed it" that you had to come back and point out your lame handiwork is laughable.

I wasn't disappointed people missed it; it was only meant for you. I can understand how you would be confused, however. Using the term "people" in reference to you is quite the misnomer.

Having a different opinion is childish now?

I thought you weren't speaking to me anyway? Which would mean the only graphics from you I'd like you to post for my benefit is the video of your two cents offered via interpretive dance which I requested days ago. Past that do us all a favor and just stop with your Children's Bibles and Pee Wee Herman nonsense. Your snark is old and tired and your attempts at insulting me fall miserably flat. Rest up, put on those dancing shoes, follow through with your threats and quit engaging me. You lack the graciousness and class to disagree with someone and not make yourself look like a total ass.

mimiphin · January 2014

Jells2dot0 said:

TiaTea said:

I am verry sorry for the third post . It's hard to follow with all the quotes.
Is STBMEverhard married?

"For us to have a nice wedding (nothing over-the-top, expensive or grandiose) in a location we and our guests would enjoy, that we could afford without one of us selling a kidney, a DW was the way to go"
...
"However, since we do not consider ourselves married..."

You are either married or not. It's not a matter of "considering yourself" . It's a matter of legallity. ,

What a confusing thread!
Yes- she had a civil ceremony and is legally married to her spouse Husband, And now she is having an AHR too!!!. She is saying she does not consider herself married until she has a ceremony in Mexico with her guests present.

@Jell's I hope you don't mind my additions

Jells2dot0 · January 2014

mimiphin said:

Jells2dot0 said:

TiaTea said:

I am verry sorry for the third post . It's hard to follow with all the quotes.
Is STBMEverhard married?

"For us to have a nice wedding (nothing over-the-top, expensive or grandiose) in a location we and our guests would enjoy, that we could afford without one of us selling a kidney, a DW was the way to go"
...
"However, since we do not consider ourselves married..."

You are either married or not. It's not a matter of "considering yourself" . It's a matter of legallity. ,

What a confusing thread!
Yes- she had a civil ceremony and is legally married to her spouse Husband, And now she is having an AHR too!!!. She is saying she does not consider herself married until she has a ceremony in Mexico with her guests present.

@Jell's I hope you don't mind my additions

No problem! I didn't say husband because I was lazy and didn't want to go back through the post to confirm it was a husband versus a wife!

What STB is doing apparently is normal over the DW board. I think there needs to be a DW Etiquette sticky post over that board. I personally can not understand why some people do not view the signing of the paperwork as a special moment and do not actually consider themselves husband and wife at that moment!

crunchymamaof2 · January 2014

Jells2dot0 said:

mimiphin said:

Jells2dot0 said:

TiaTea said:

I am verry sorry for the third post . It's hard to follow with all the quotes.
Is STBMEverhard married?

"For us to have a nice wedding (nothing over-the-top, expensive or grandiose) in a location we and our guests would enjoy, that we could afford without one of us selling a kidney, a DW was the way to go"
...
"However, since we do not consider ourselves married..."

You are either married or not. It's not a matter of "considering yourself" . It's a matter of legallity. ,

What a confusing thread!
Yes- she had a civil ceremony and is legally married to her spouse Husband, And now she is having an AHR too!!!. She is saying she does not consider herself married until she has a ceremony in Mexico with her guests present.

@Jell's I hope you don't mind my additions

No problem! I didn't say husband because I was lazy and didn't want to go back through the post to confirm it was a husband versus a wife!

What STB is doing apparently is normal over the DW board. I think there needs to be a DW Etiquette sticky post over that board. I personally can not understand why some people do not view the signing of the paperwork as a special moment and do not actually consider themselves husband and wife at that moment!

Because looking pretty and having an audience is what *really* matters, dontcha know?

If becoming married only required standing in front of an audience and saying vows (don't forget the fancy dress and frilly party) then the world would be in trouble and full of benefit moochers.

That "meaningless" paperwork is huge! TBH my DH and I considered ourselves to be husband and wife long before we were married (not that we referred to each other as such to others). But we both knew without that silly paperwork what we thought didn't matter one bit. That paperwork means EVERYTHING.

Maggie0829 · January 2014

I agree that legal issues between two people is their business, HOWEVER, when you start involving other people and their money (in regards to travel expenses and such) I feel that your legal marital status should be revealed because that may be a determinant in whether or not those individuals that you are inviting to your "wedding day" decide to come. I know that if I was invited to a DW, shelled a a shit ton of money to go and watch two people I care about marry each other (and in my mind that means legally along with ceremonially) and then come to find out that what I just witnessed and spent my hard earned money attending was basically a show, I would be extremely pissed off.

Look, I know that none of us will be able to change your mind about your plans, but just know that this could back fire on you. You may lose friends not because you had multiple weddings but because you lied to them. People tend to be a bit more forgiving about things if they know everything up front.

sofakingmad · January 2014

Ok, while I will defend having a DW and then having a party/parties afterwards (not receptions, but celebrations), I do find it strange that you are already married, now having a DW in Mexico and then having parties afterwards.

JellyBean52513 · January 2014

STBMrsEverhart said:

Because there is far too much going on above to want to quote/re-quote/etc. all I will say is what we consider our relationship status, how we go about our wedding, weddingS (you can only have one, singular, wedding), reception, after party and whatever else we feel it necessary to host and pay for, is really our concern and prerogative. I've been clear that we don't consider what we're doing lying because as one of you ladies put it, we don't consider our legal lives the business of our friends and family (the definition of lying really isn't subject to your own personal interpretation. Lying = not telling the truth, regardless of whether you feel you have a good enough reason for doing it). Although a small handful do know and don't care (they understand and accept our arrangement). I really don't see why strangers, not the least bit effected by these types of arrangements, get themselves worked up over what order other strangers get married (you can only get married once, in one order. Anything past that is just for show.)

At the end of the day our guests who decide to travel to Mexico will get what they came for (no they wont! Now I can't tell if you're trying to lie to us or if you're beginning to believe these lies yourself): vows, rings, flowers, a lovely (fake) ceremony, a great reception and from that day forward we'll happily be referring to the other as "husband/wife." Lol at the quotes. Just LOL. When we get back to the states I'll wade through the red tape and share a last name with him. No one at any point was EVER going to see or be involved with our marriage license whether we signed it 5 years ago, last week, next week or in September. We personally see a huge difference in the ceremonial aspects of a wedding/marriage and the legal aspects and truly don't see that the requirements for both most be met simultaneously. If all of you do, I encourage you all to make sure you sign your license on your wedding day.

As for amending our plans to avoid god's wrath, thanks, we'll worry about our own souls and if we ever get the idea we'd like to be preached to, we'll make our way to church. I don't see that happening however. Our karma will weather this as well. I don't think either of us believes that our approach to marriage negates good that we do or positivity we put out in the universe.

I'll continue to encourage women to make their own choices on this subject. You all will continue to offer opposing viewpoints. It'll go on forever..........

We only care so much here because this is a board about Etiquette, and what you are doing breaks many Etiquette rules. IDGAF if you feel this plan is 150% awesome, those of who adhere to Etiquette know that it sucks.

MobKaz · January 2014

Maggie0829 said:

I agree that legal issues between two people is their business, HOWEVER, when you start involving other people and their money (in regards to travel expenses and such) I feel that your legal marital status should be revealed because that may be a determinant in whether or not those individuals that you are inviting to your "wedding day" decide to come. I know that if I was invited to a DW, shelled a a shit ton of money to go and watch two people I care about marry each other (and in my mind that means legally along with ceremonially) and then come to find out that what I just witnessed and spent my hard earned money attending was basically a show, I would be extremely pissed off.

Look, I know that none of us will be able to change your mind about your plans, but just know that this could back fire on you. You may lose friends not because you had multiple weddings but because you lied to them. People tend to be a bit more forgiving about things if they know everything up front.

Exactly. If you are treating the legal portion in such a cavalier way, it makes no sense to go out of your way to deceive your guests. I think the worst or most illogical argument is saying that the friends would not care one way or another. Then why not offer full disclosure so guests can make an informed decision? To have so little genuine investment in these so called friendships that you prefer to risk losing them for the sake of a charade is incredulous, and sad.

Jen4948 · January 2014

So that sticky about legal weddings has spilled over into yet another thread?

Sigh.

arrippa · January 2014

Come on people..the ignore button is a great option. It doesn't feed the trolls or people who lie to their friends.

Jen4948 · January 2014

moemacWed30594 said:

Come on people..the ignore button is a great option. It doesn't feed the trolls or people who lie to their friends.

I already use it on certain people who keep getting defensive about bad decisions (and a few others). I just wish the threads in question would stop coming up and die, because nothing gets resolved and everyone wastes so much time going around and around and around in vicious circles.

mrs4everhart · January 2014

Jells2dot0 said:

mimiphin said:

Jells2dot0 said:

TiaTea said:

I am verry sorry for the third post . It's hard to follow with all the quotes.
Is STBMEverhard married?

"For us to have a nice wedding (nothing over-the-top, expensive or grandiose) in a location we and our guests would enjoy, that we could afford without one of us selling a kidney, a DW was the way to go"
...
"However, since we do not consider ourselves married..."

You are either married or not. It's not a matter of "considering yourself" . It's a matter of legallity. ,

What a confusing thread!
Yes- she had a civil ceremony and is legally married to her spouse Husband, And now she is having an AHR too!!!. She is saying she does not consider herself married until she has a ceremony in Mexico with her guests present.

@Jell's I hope you don't mind my additions

No problem! I didn't say husband because I was lazy and didn't want to go back through the post to confirm it was a husband versus a wife!

What STB is doing apparently is normal over the DW board. It's normal a lot more places than just the DW board, trust me. We're personally friends with three couples who did this. And it's happening all the time. It's becoming quite normal, I can presume in part to the economy. People see they can get more for their money outside of the US and have no desire to throw away cash to meet the requirements overseas when they can deal with it at home first for a heck of a lot less. I think there needs to be a DW Etiquette sticky post over that board. I personally can not understand I'm not convinced you or anyone else needs to understand. why some people do not view the signing of the paperwork as a special moment because there was nothing special about it for us! We fulfilled a governmental necessity and went out for pizza in jeans and t-shirts because we were hungry. We don't talk about it, think about it, nothing. We will once we fulfill what we consider "special." Society doesn't have to consider the same things special do we? do not actually consider themselves husband and wife at that moment!

mrs4everhart · January 2014

JellyBean52513 said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

Because there is far too much going on above to want to quote/re-quote/etc. all I will say is what we consider our relationship status, how we go about our wedding, weddingS (you can only have one, singular, wedding), Maybe you can, but since you all have decided our signing paperwork was our wedding, looks like we're having two! Not in our opinion of course. The only occasion we'll ever consider remotely legit will be happening in September. reception, after party and whatever else we feel it necessary to host and pay for, is really our concern and prerogative. I've been clear that we don't consider what we're doing lying because as one of you ladies put it, we don't consider our legal lives the business of our friends and family (the definition of lying really isn't subject to your own personal interpretation. Lying = not telling the truth, regardless of whether you feel you have a good enough reason for doing it). I'm clearly not in agreement here. And neither are the many people who are aware of our situation. Although a small handful do know and don't care (they understand and accept our arrangement). I really don't see why strangers, not the least bit effected by these types of arrangements, get themselves worked up over what order other strangers get married (you can only get married once, in one order. Anything past that is just for show.) Sure. So we'll be getting married in September. That's once.

At the end of the day our guests who decide to travel to Mexico will get what they came for (no they wont! Now I can't tell if you're trying to lie to us or if you're beginning to believe these lies yourself) No, I believe this firmly and whole heartedly. : vows, rings, flowers, a lovely (fake) there will be nothing fake about our ceremony. I mean, I hope we're not faking love, fidelity, commitment and all that jazz. It would be an ever bigger bummer for us if that's the case! ceremony, a great reception and from that day forward we'll happily be referring to the other as "husband/wife." Lol at the quotes. Just LOL. Great, laughter is good for you. I laugh at most of the things y'all write too! When we get back to the states I'll wade through the red tape and share a last name with him. No one at any point was EVER going to see or be involved with our marriage license whether we signed it 5 years ago, last week, next week or in September. We personally see a huge difference in the ceremonial aspects of a wedding/marriage and the legal aspects and truly don't see that the requirements for both most be met simultaneously. If all of you do, I encourage you all to make sure you sign your license on your wedding day.

As for amending our plans to avoid god's wrath, thanks, we'll worry about our own souls and if we ever get the idea we'd like to be preached to, we'll make our way to church. I don't see that happening however. Our karma will weather this as well. I don't think either of us believes that our approach to marriage negates good that we do or positivity we put out in the universe.

I'll continue to encourage women to make their own choices on this subject. You all will continue to offer opposing viewpoints. It'll go on forever..........

We only care so much here because this is a board about Etiquette, and what you are doing breaks many Etiquette rules. IDGAF if you feel this plan is 150% awesome, those of who adhere to Etiquette know that it sucks. Frankly, IDGAF what you don't GAF about. Many of you are downright dicks to people in similar situations and I've said it a million times (it feels like that many anyway): I'm not concerned with y'all's opinion of what we're doing. I'm not going to ever be convinced to scrap our plans by the silly "what ifs" thrown around like I'm living to appease every hypothetical that jumps out of the bushes! I AM however hoping a lurker or ten reads this mess and says, yea, wait a second, there's nothing wrong with making the best out of our situation, we're totally doing this wedding how it works best, Miss Manners be damned!

Destination Wedding Etiquette

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