Over the past 8 months, I have picked my bridal party, dresses, and have been having a blast sharing ideas with my girls getting ready for the big day in July. In addition to the wedding, I have been dealing with a seriously family illness with my mom, which has been causing me to take multiple trips to Michigan to be by her side.
The first instance of me needing to leave, I knew a few days in advance and had to make arrangements with work, as did my fiance. I pre-warned the party that I may be leaving as we had scheduled to all go together to purchase my wedding dress, look at bridesmaid gowns and do lunch so they can all get to know one another. They all said, we're praying for you and keep us posted. Once all plans were confirmed that my fiance and I were leaving town, I sent out the email of regrets and various dates to reschedule the shopping date a month later. I received an email from my MOH that simly said "Good, I made a hair appointment for the same time." I asked her when this appointment was made and she said a few days before I even announced that I might be leaving town. So she had already planned on bailing on the afternoon. I was angry and just let the conversation go to focus on my mom. When I came back to town, I asked her if I hadn't left, what did she plan on doing about having two engagements to tend to in one day at the same time. Her responce was her hair was more important to her because if she didn't take that appointment, she couldn't get in for another week to her stylist.
A few weeks went by and the next date to go dress shopping came up. She actually came and was trying on dresses, having a good time with all the girls. We went with a dress that was considered "special occasion" and not bridesmaid so we were advised by davids bridal to buy the dress now and not wait, as not all the sizes needed will be available for very long. She couldn't afford her dress right away so I ordered it for her, under the understanding she would pay me back. That was in November. I have asked her twice, and she keeps saying "at the end of the month" she'll have the money. Then something comes up and she no longer has the money. I honestly don't mind when she can afford to pay me back, but the promise of soon and then backing out on it is what I find upsetting.
On pinterest, I started a board for us all to share and pin on so they can show me hair styles, make-up, shoes, and jewlery they like. I have planned on purchasing the jewelry as my gift to them all along, and the MOH has gauged earrings. In my search for jewelry, I found a gauge plug that allows you to put any standard earring in it and as long as the front is big enough, it hides the fact that it's a gauge all together. It's important to me that they wear the same jewelry. I like the idea of everyone having the same look. Since the gauges were a specialty item, I asked her opinion on them and if she would consider wearing them for the wedding. I was immediately shot down with the idea by a blunt "No, I absolutely will not wear those. They're expensive and I've already been picking out earrings that will fit my guages." I explained to her that the jewelry was going to be my gift and I would pay for the gauge converters, but she wouldn't have it. I also explained to her that I wanted everyone to look the same for the pictures and the response I got was "That's stupid. No one does that anymore for weddings."
When I emailed the girls an idea for a pair of shoes, the other two girls were completely on board with a cute ballet flat with gems on the toe that matched the dress. Her responce was "that's too expensive of a shoe." It is a $60 Nine West Ballet Flat. I thought that was reasonable, considering I just went shopping with her the previous week and watched her spend over $90 on pair of slip on loafers.
I wanted to talk to her before the holidays and ask if maybe she didn't realize the financial responsibility it means to be in a bridal party, but she wouldn't make time for me. Whenever I ask her to hang out even, just for drinks or shopping, she tells me I live too far away and I have to come to her, but then she won't pick a time or a day to hang out.
Today she kind of hit the last straw with me and emailed me a picture of some new piercings she got. Dermals, in the side of her face. Typical cost to have those done is $50 and she got two of them. That doesn't include the cost of jewelry. Now, I'm not against piercings, I have a few cartilage piercings myself, but dermals in the side of her face kind of push my limits. I don't like the idea of those being in my wedding photos the rest of my life.
Even the two other girls are starting to ask me what is up with her/what's her deal because she has had nothing but negative things to say or an unpleasant attitude the whole time.
I know it's not the nicest thing to tell someone you're no longer in the wedding party, but I plan on suggesting maybe she would be more comfortable as a guest? Thoughts? Suggestions?