Wedding Party

Maid of Dishonor

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Re: Maid of Dishonor

  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Calling someone a name isn't? Ok. Yet me saying you're an older woman (which you are) that's acting like a child is? Ok. @banana498. Like I said nice try. Let's go back to what I originally stated I would do to you, which is ignore you because you love focusing your attention on me than at home.
    What is it with your obsession about posters and their home life? This has to be at least the third person you have said this to. You do understand that the same argument could be said about you as well.
    AddieCakePrettyGirlLostHaileyDancingbear
  • MadHops21MadHops21 Buried in blankets member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    @banana468 I actually edited my post, sadly your happy fingers beat me to it. Instead of addressing your high school behavior you point out a grammatical error that I corrected. Real classy. By the looks of your picture in your signature you're definitely too old to be acting like this and calling people names.
    @KnotPorscha  Personal attack in this thread.
    KnotPorscha not sure if you saw the first tag, but just in case. 
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  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    @mobkaz it started with them mentioning me in their posts and me replying back and answering their questions. There's been times where the conversation/post has ended with us no longer replying to each other and I say something to someone else and they jump back in mentioning me again. So every time I'm mentioned I'm going to reply back. I'm not mentioning them first they are mentioning me time after time so that's why I say that. Why keep bothering with me when I'm talking to someone else, your time can be spent elsewhere. So actually it can't, they are going out of their way, I'm not.
    Reality is not your friend, is it?



    jenniferursPrettyGirlLost
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    @mobkaz it started with them mentioning me in their posts and me replying back and answering their questions. There's been times where the conversation/post has ended with us no longer replying to each other and I say something to someone else and they jump back in mentioning me again. So every time I'm mentioned I'm going to reply back. I'm not mentioning them first they are mentioning me time after time so that's why I say that. Why keep bothering with me when I'm talking to someone else, your time can be spent elsewhere. So actually it can't, they are going out of their way, I'm not.
    To the bolded.........
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    To the italicized...........
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    MadHops21jenniferursmimiphinPrettyGirlLost
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited January 2014
    I DD'd because frankly that picture more than creeps me out.  Since the originator of that post has now been banned, I had to eradicate that gif as well.
    MairePoppyMadHops21OliveOilsMommimiphin
  • Your fiancé sounds like a dick. If you want to be comfortable after a long day at work, he should want that for you too.
    That's what you take from all of this?  image

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    PrettyGirlLost
  • logana1 said:




    Your fiancé sounds like a dick. If you want to be comfortable after a long day at work, he should want that for you too.

    That's what you take from all of this?  image



    I'd tell you what else I took from all of this, but you wouldn't like that either.
    Emmy1493MadHops21SKPM
  • Your fiancé sounds like a dick. If you want to be comfortable after a long day at work, he should want that for you too.
    That's what you take from all of this?  image

    I'd tell you what else I took from all of this, but you wouldn't like that either.

    Yep. You're right.
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  • doeydo said:
    banana468 said:

    "I do have one question though is put yourself in her shoes. What if one day you changed - say you had a child and became fat and your FH just threw his hands in the air and said "Sorry no deal. We're no longer married. You aren't changing like I want you too. I want you to loose weight. You haven't done it. We're done." How would that make you feel? It would hurt a lot, hearing that someone so close to you valued looks over true friendship and love. You most likely will not change your mind but this is just food for thought."

     

    I'm sorry, that's comparing apples to oranges there.  If I was in her wedding and she asked me to wear something specific, I would, no questions asked.

    And what would you do if your husband thought you should change the way you dress for him?

    Good Question (even though it doesn't matter to the situation), but he did ask me to change how I dressed, and you know what, I did. 

    What?  Was there something 'wrong' with the way you dressed (ie. way too revealing)?  Because that seems extremely controlling and is a red flag for me.  

    Actually the opposite.  I would come home after working and go straight to pj's.  He wanted an inbetween for a few hours.  I wear a suit to work and hate it, so as soon as I come home, I use to switch out to pj's and slippers. 
    Your fiancé sounds like a dick. If you want to be comfortable after a long day at work, he should want that for you too.
    I lied, I am not done. At least not yet. I agree with this so much. If I came home from a long day dealing with a-holes, and my FI wasn't pleased with how I dressed and tried to make me change, or tell me how to dress, you know what would happen..?

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    logana1PrettyGirlLostSKPM
  • logana1logana1 member
    Third Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited January 2014
    "I lied, I am not done. At least not yet. I agree with this so much. If I came home from a long day dealing with a-holes, and my FI wasn't pleased with how I dressed and tried to make me change, or tell me how to dress, you know what would happen..?

    image

    "
    Ok, that made me lol.
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  • @AddieL73, schlumpadinka is my new favorite word!
    logana1Jen4948PrettyGirlLostSKPM
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    banana468 said:
    @AddieL73, schlumpadinka is my new favorite word!
    You are the 2nd person this week to tell me that! Hahaha!  (I stole it from Oprah).
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    PrettyGirlLost
  • AddieL73 said:

    I'm going to weigh in on the clothes thing. I don't think it's "controlling" of him to prefer she not change right into PJs. Hear me out. 


    I live in PJs at home. When I come home from work, I shower and get right into them. I may not get dressed all day on a Saturday if I've got nowhere to go. Sometimes I'll shower and change into comfy sweats, but that's about it. I do this when I am home alone only. I used to do it all the time, and then I changed my habit, and here's why. 

    I have a couple married guy friends who have told me they despise that their wives are always in baggy, unflattering sweats as soon as they come home. Hearing this, I decided I never want to be that wife. So when my husband is home, I at least wear something somewhat cute. Still comfortable, mind you, but figure flattering and cute. He is gone for work for 2 months at a time, and when he comes home, we go out and do a few things, but we mostly like to just be home together, and I don't WANT to look like a schlumpadinka all the time around him. He has never said anything to me, and this is MY choice. 

    It doesn't mean her fiance is controlling or doesn't love her just b/c he'd like her not to look frumpy. I don't see that as a red flag at all. 





    This was his point when he asked me not to wear pjs so much. If you think about it, we all put some sort of effort forth to attract someone. Even if it's wearing your nice pjs out in public. I use to wear jeans and a nice sweater or shirt all the time. All he was asking for was for me to get back to that a few days a week. Red flag? I don't think so.

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    [Deleted User]
  • I still can't get over the fact that your fiancé told you how to dress when you come home from a long day at work. It's particularly mind-blowing to me due to my long-standing issue with pajamas. I love them. I wear them to restaurants. I wear them to the grocery store. I've even been known to wear them to bars. At the end of the day, I like being comfortable, am not out to impress anyone, and have never cared what people think about me, beyond being a kind and gracious person who looks out for the well being of others.

    Would my fiancé like me to dress up more than I do? Maybe. But he would never dream of asking me to change. After all, he knew this about me when we met. Heck, I used to wear pajamas to the law school classes we shared together. At the end of the day, I'm not an accessory to him or some trophy wife whose sole appeal is looking hot day to day. He loves me for me and that includes all of the quirks that come with me. He finds the pajama thing endearing and admires my confidence in going out in whatever I please. He also loves that he finds me the prettiest when I'm dressed down with no makeup on.

    So, if you take nothing else from this thread (I won't even go into the other issues, because, well, I just can't...), please understand that you should be with someone who loves you in your totality, "flaws" and all. You are not there for the visual pleasure of another and, even if you were in some respects (who doesn't want to be attracted to their SO?), your fiancé should find you just as beautiful in PJ's as he does a ball gown. Because if he can't, you're in for a very long road ahead.

    /please don't make your bridesmaids cover up parts of them that may define their personality
    //please don't make them pay for jewelry, shoes, hair, makeup, etc.
    ///please...oh hell, it's not going to make a difference anyway. Nevermind.


    No one can know what happens behind closed doors in a relationship. So to assume the worst of my fiancé because of his request for me not to dress down everyday is ridiculous. I wear pjs out to places too. I'm all for comfort. But if I use to dress nice and no longer do, it's up to me to decide what I want to do to keep our flame going. Love doesn't just keep going because you promised it would. You have to work at it.
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    Ms2MrsViney[Deleted User]
  • I mean, I don't dress down the second I walk through my door either, but lets say I am having one of those days where I just feel like crap and all I wanna do is get into my soft happy bunny capri jammy pants, then I will. I do understand you wanting to look good for your man, I do. But it seems less "ehh" if he doesn't have to ask you, and you do it on your own. 

    To be honest, my FI could really care less, as his style is just about the same as mine. Don't get me mistaken though, we can clean up pretty damn nicely when need be, and I will make a crap ton of effort to still look good for my man, but I feel better about myself if he doesn't have to ask, and I do it on my own. That's just my train of thinking. If thats what makes you happy OP, then good! But aside from all of this dressing mess, please do talk to your MOH. In the end I promise this will NOT matter in any way,shape or form, and wouldn't it be better if you still had your friend afterward...?

    What we say might not change your mind at all, but these ladies know a lot about weddings and give great advice when you ask for it (and you did, mind you) so if you aren't prepared for what might be said, don't post. If you come here writing stuff like this, you will get blunt, honest and snarky. I just hope you choose the right choice for your friendship, good day and good luck!




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    logana1
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    logana1 said:

    If you think about it, we all put some sort of effort forth to attract someone. Even if it's wearing your nice pjs out in public.
    Anybody wearing PJs out in public needs a public whipping. 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    logana1MairePoppyPrettyGirlLost[Deleted User]
  • logana1 said:

    I still can't get over the fact that your fiancé told you how to dress when you come home from a long day at work. It's particularly mind-blowing to me due to my long-standing issue with pajamas. I love them. I wear them to restaurants. I wear them to the grocery store. I've even been known to wear them to bars. At the end of the day, I like being comfortable, am not out to impress anyone, and have never cared what people think about me, beyond being a kind and gracious person who looks out for the well being of others.

    Would my fiancé like me to dress up more than I do? Maybe. But he would never dream of asking me to change. After all, he knew this about me when we met. Heck, I used to wear pajamas to the law school classes we shared together. At the end of the day, I'm not an accessory to him or some trophy wife whose sole appeal is looking hot day to day. He loves me for me and that includes all of the quirks that come with me. He finds the pajama thing endearing and admires my confidence in going out in whatever I please. He also loves that he finds me the prettiest when I'm dressed down with no makeup on.

    So, if you take nothing else from this thread (I won't even go into the other issues, because, well, I just can't...), please understand that you should be with someone who loves you in your totality, "flaws" and all. You are not there for the visual pleasure of another and, even if you were in some respects (who doesn't want to be attracted to their SO?), your fiancé should find you just as beautiful in PJ's as he does a ball gown. Because if he can't, you're in for a very long road ahead.

    /please don't make your bridesmaids cover up parts of them that may define their personality
    //please don't make them pay for jewelry, shoes, hair, makeup, etc.
    ///please...oh hell, it's not going to make a difference anyway. Nevermind.


    No one can know what happens behind closed doors in a relationship. So to assume the worst of my fiancé because of his request for me not to dress down everyday is ridiculous. I wear pjs out to places too. I'm all for comfort. But if I use to dress nice and no longer do, it's up to me to decide what I want to do to keep our flame going. Love doesn't just keep going because you promised it would. You have to work at it.
    Thats fair. If you used to dress differently and then suddenly changed, I can see where he would be confused. I would have a problem with it if you always were this way and he then tried to change you, but that doesn't seem to be the case.

    Still, I think you should be able to wear whatever you want to wear whenever you want to. But that's just me.
    logana1
  • banana468 said:
    @AddieL73, schlumpadinka is my new favorite word!


    Yep, it goes on the list with psycho hosebeast.

    Addie - you are a really thoughtful spouse!

    PrettyGirlLost
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    AddieL73 said:
    I'm going to weigh in on the clothes thing. I don't think it's "controlling" of him to prefer she not change right into PJs. Hear me out. 

    I live in PJs at home. When I come home from work, I shower and get right into them. I may not get dressed all day on a Saturday if I've got nowhere to go. Sometimes I'll shower and change into comfy sweats, but that's about it. I do this when I am home alone only. I used to do it all the time, and then I changed my habit, and here's why. 

    I have a couple married guy friends who have told me they despise that their wives are always in baggy, unflattering sweats as soon as they come home. Hearing this, I decided I never want to be that wife. So when my husband is home, I at least wear something somewhat cute. Still comfortable, mind you, but figure flattering and cute. He is gone for work for 2 months at a time, and when he comes home, we go out and do a few things, but we mostly like to just be home together, and I don't WANT to look like a schlumpadinka all the time around him. He has never said anything to me, and this is MY choice. 

    It doesn't mean her fiance is controlling or doesn't love her just b/c he'd like her not to look frumpy. I don't see that as a red flag at all. 




    But this is totally different from what OP said.  Someone asked her how she would feel if her FI asked her to change the way she dressed for him.  She said she did.  The idea was to try to get her to understand how it would feel to have someone you love tell you that they cared more about your physical appearance than about your personal comfort with your appearance.  

    You choose to stay dressed nice around the house because you want to be attractive, and that's great.  But you do it because you choose to, and because it is something that you've decided is important to you because of conversations with friends.  You don't do it because your H told you your physical appearance is more important than your comfort.  If he did, that would be a red flag.  

    OP is probably BSing about why she did it, because she absolutely refuses to put herself in this BM's shoes, and absolutely refuses to admit that prioritizing a friend's appearance over her personal comfort is a bad thing.  
    jenniferursEmmy1493mimiphinKeptInStitches
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited January 2014
    @MyNameIsKnot

    Yeah, I get it. I just don't think it's a red flag for a relationship if your SO prefers you spruce up a little. And her fiance didn't tell her that her physical appearance was more important than her comfort. He told her he'd rather she not change right into PJs. 

    ETA: I don't disagree that her expectations for her bridesmaid here are out of line. I just get annoyed when people cry ZOMG, RED FLAG! YOU HAVE A FIANCE PROBLEM! so quickly. 





    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    logana1kmmssg[Deleted User]
  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited January 2014
    But shoe pictures are uber important!  I mean, if you don't have a shoe picture like you see on Pinterest then your wedding is just not valid!

    **That was sarcasm, just in case anyone was wondering**

    I am super late to this party. But here is my "shoe picture." The shoes arent the same. Is my marriage a fraud?

    image

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    Emmy1493kmmssgPrettyGirlLost[Deleted User]
  • OP, I have no idea what your financial situation is, and I know you have paid for her dress, but maybe if you are dying to have all your BM wear those shoes and everyone else can afford it... Why not ask you one bridesmaid if she would like you to go 50/50 on the shoes? This will make them more affordable, and you will also get what you want as well. I am having to help out one my MOH because though she was saving for my wedding, she was recently laid off. It means a lot to me and her for her to be able to stand up there with me so I have agreed to split the costs with her to help her out.
    logana1PrettyGirlLost
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    KatWAG said:
    Do yoga pants count as PJs? If so, I will bend over for my whipping!
    No, Kat, you're good. But I'll still spank ya if you want. ;)
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    PrettyGirlLost
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    KatWAG said:
    But shoe pictures are uber important!  I mean, if you don't have a shoe picture like you see on Pinterest then your wedding is just not valid!

    **That was sarcasm, just in case anyone was wondering**

    I am super late to this party. But here is my "shoe picture." The shoes arent the same. Is my marriage a fraud?

    image

    That is probably the cutest shoe picture I have seen.

    I mean, WTF were you thinking?!

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    KatWAG
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