Ok to put attire on invitation?

PrettyGirlLost · February 2014

tcnoble said:

If someone wants to show up to my wedding in her best "off-the-pole" attire, more power to her. At least she will be wearing clothes.

Should we just start putting "Please don't come naked." on invitations, since clearly so many people have morons for guests??

I think so.

"Clothing required."

When my best friend got married one of her close guy friends brought a date with him that literally came off of the pole. . . as in she was in fact a stripper. And she was dressed like a stripper- she showed up to the moderate church ceremony in a bright red, short dress, a red maxi coat, and 5 inch red lucite heels.

Everybody looked at her like Oh my effing gawd, and we felt very embarrassed for the friend. But my best friend's wedding wasn't in any way ruined because of it. Her pictures turned out just fine. . . here's a spoiler but the stripper isn't in a single picture.

cookie0803 · February 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

tcnoble said:

If someone wants to show up to my wedding in her best "off-the-pole" attire, more power to her. At least she will be wearing clothes.

Should we just start putting "Please don't come naked." on invitations, since clearly so many people have morons for guests??

I think so.

"Clothing required."

When my best friend got married one of her close guy friends brought a date with him that literally came off of the pole. . . as in she was in fact a stripper. And she was dressed like a stripper- she showed up to the moderate church ceremony in a bright red, short dress, a red maxi coat, and 5 inch red lucite heels.

Everybody looked at her like Oh my effing gawd, and we felt very embarrassed for the friend. But my best friend's wedding wasn't in any way ruined because of it. Her pictures turned out just fine. . . here's a spoiler but the stripper isn't in a single picture.

Yep. Most professional photographers know what to avoid in the pictures they make available to the bride and groom.

saacjw · February 2014

Inkdancer said:

antoto said:

Okay. I have a genuine question here. What resource are people using when you say attire should not be mentioned in the wedding website? On my website I mention the attire... but I also talk about how the garden will be in full bloom so people with allergies may want to consider taking medication if they want to stay comfortable, and so on. It's not that I think any of my guests are "morons" (holy cow... I would never say/feel that about my guests), but if they are on my wedding website and looking for info about where to be/what to do/etc would "wedding attire is formal" not help a few of them?

I fully agree that it should NOT be on your invite, but I feel like a wedding website is fine... am I wrong? I don't know I just feel like invitations are formal and you should only stick to the traditional format, but websites are completely different animals. There are tons of things on my website that I wouldn't put on my invite.

On your website, you may absolutely say things like "the gardens will be in full bloom" or "June is a high-pollen season" or "the cocktail hour will be held on a grassy lawn". What you can't say is "no jeans", "only flat shoes", or "tuxes required". Basically, you can tell guests about the location or things they need to know, but once you get specific about what they can and cannot wear, you're being rude.

Yup. My good example of this is a friend who got married at a summer camp. Their website said to please be aware that the ceremony site is near a horse paddock and has a reasonably steep slope. This told me to take my allergy meds and not wear heels so I wouldn't go falling down. They also said that the weather that time of year fluctuates drastically from hot to cold after sundown. That told me to bring a sweater. They included pictures of their ceremony spot, which was pretty rustic (wooden benches), so I knew not to wear my normal cocktail dress.

phira · February 2014

We noted that the entire event will take place inside, and that there would be a coat check.

Cookie Pusher · February 2014

Yea, we noted on our site that the ceremony was on grass and the reception was outdoors in a pavillion with a concrete floor (we're planning to rent some large fans to put around the venue). As we have had stifling hot summers as of late, we'd rather our guests show up in sundresses, khakis and polo shirts than be uncomfortably hot in formalwear. Our STDs were pretty casual and match the invitations we'll be sending so that will hopefully send enough of a hint. I would never put "Casual Attire" or anything like that on the invitations!

artbyallie · February 2014

So, I have a question. Why, if one cares so very deeply about what one's guests look like, would one even invite 'freak shows' to one's wedding? Why not just hire models and actors to come fawn over you while looking gorgeous?

I adore any and all freak shows in my life, for the record.

jazzyeb · February 2014

Appalled by all the negativity on this post. Bully bridal bitches!!!!

phira · February 2014

@jazzyeb As if it's not bullying or bitchy to dictate guests' attire on the invitation.

knottie83bd5c83a89b9680 · February 2014

artbyallie said:
So, I have a question. Why, if one cares so very deeply about what one's guests look like, would one even invite 'freak shows' to one's wedding? Why not just hire models and actors to come fawn over you while looking gorgeous?

I adore any and all freak shows in my life, for the record.

MTE!!

cookie0803 · February 2014

@jazzyeb no. No one here will track you down and "bully" you over what you put on your invitation. You may have noticed you're on the etiquette board. You will not find validation for ideas that go against etiquette here, but no one knows you or can stop you either.

Side note, charming first post. You may want to check out the Terms of Use.

Maggie0829 · February 2014

jazzyeb said:

Appalled by all the negativity on this post. Bully bridal bitches!!!!

Your first reply ever on these forums and this is what you chose?

NYCBruin · February 2014

jazzyeb said:

Appalled by all the negativity on this post. Bully bridal bitches!!!!

So, trying to help brides avoid a faux pas and/or insulting their guests is negative but name-calling isn't?

antoto · February 2014

jazzyeb said:

Appalled by all the negativity on this post. Bully bridal bitches!!!!

I actually found their advice to be useful. I was making an etiquette error and they helped me solve it

If you are looking for actual advice and want help this is a GREAT board! If you are looking for someone's shoulder to cry on this is NOT a great board. If you need an emotional support board I'm sure you can find that somewhere on the internet. Perhaps Wedding Wire?

grumbledore · February 2014

antoto said:

jazzyeb said:

Appalled by all the negativity on this post. Bully bridal bitches!!!!

I actually found their advice to be useful. I was making an etiquette error and they helped me solve it If you are looking for actual advice and want help this is a GREAT board! If you are looking for someone's shoulder to cry on this is NOT a great board. If you need an emotional support board I'm sure you can find that somewhere on the internet. Perhaps Wedding Wire?

Actually, Wedding Wire has been way less appalling lately. I'd try Wedding Bee. Or the wedding boards on Reddit, they love bad advice and bad ideas.

antoto · February 2014

grumbledore said:

antoto said:

jazzyeb said:

Appalled by all the negativity on this post. Bully bridal bitches!!!!

I actually found their advice to be useful. I was making an etiquette error and they helped me solve it If you are looking for actual advice and want help this is a GREAT board! If you are looking for someone's shoulder to cry on this is NOT a great board. If you need an emotional support board I'm sure you can find that somewhere on the internet. Perhaps Wedding Wire?

Actually, Wedding Wire has been way less appalling lately. I'd try Wedding Bee. Or the wedding boards on Reddit, they love bad advice and bad ideas.

REDDIT has wedding boards???? Oh dear god...

APDSS22 · February 2014

antoto said:

grumbledore said:

antoto said:

jazzyeb said:

Appalled by all the negativity on this post. Bully bridal bitches!!!!

I actually found their advice to be useful. I was making an etiquette error and they helped me solve it If you are looking for actual advice and want help this is a GREAT board! If you are looking for someone's shoulder to cry on this is NOT a great board. If you need an emotional support board I'm sure you can find that somewhere on the internet. Perhaps Wedding Wire?

Actually, Wedding Wire has been way less appalling lately. I'd try Wedding Bee. Or the wedding boards on Reddit, they love bad advice and bad ideas.

REDDIT has wedding boards???? Oh dear god...

That was my exact response.

grumbledore · February 2014

Yep, they are as terrifying as you might expect.

PrettyGirlLost · February 2014

grumbledore said:

Yep, they are as terrifying as you might expect.

Perhaps we need a Reddit Thursday where we share some of these gems?

jazzyeb · February 2014

I don't have a stance on the matter either way to all the know it alls who felt the need to reply to yes my "first post". Guess we don't like the word bitch much. Sips tea and giggles.

jazzyeb · February 2014

Good for you. Now carry on.

crunchymamaof2 · February 2014

I don't have a stance on the matter either way to all the know it alls who felt the need to reply to yes my "first post". Guess we don't like the word bitch much. Sips tea and giggles.

So then you're admittedly here to cause trouble. Classy.

PrettyGirlLost · February 2014

jazzyeb said:

I don't have a stance on the matter either way to all the know it alls who felt the need to reply to yes my "first post". Guess we don't like the word bitch much. Sips tea and giggles.

I don't need to be labeled by some rando in her first post.

Especially since none of us were being bitches in this thread. If you want validation for poor etiquette, this isn't the board for you.

Don't choke on that tea, honey.

JCbride2015 · February 2014

jazzyeb said:

I don't have a stance on the matter either way to all the know it alls who felt the need to reply to yes my "first post". Guess we don't like the word bitch much. Sips tea and giggles.

Oh, you're charming.

theartistformerlyknownas · February 2014

phira said:
3) Phrase everything as suggestions and examples, and not as restriction (UNLESS your venue has a restriction and will turn guests away at the door). So if someone asks you what to wear, don't answer, "Well, no jeans or sneakers."

OK so... my venue does have a VERY strict "no denim whatsoever" policy. Friend of FI's grandfather was actually turned away at the door for his uncle's Irish wake because she wore a jean skirt. Now, I don't THINK any of our guests would try to wear jeans to our private country club wedding, but I would be mortified if someone had a jean jacket or skirt on and wasn't allowed inside. We ARE close enough to Canuckistan for the "Canadian tuxedo" to be pret-ty popular.

Plan was to state ONLY on the wedding website, tucked away on the Guest Information page, "Please note, the (Venue Name) does not permit denim of any kind. Please see website.com for their dress code, and let us know if you have any questions." Yay or nay?? Parents and WP all know the rule, but with 275 guests I'm not confident word of mouth alone will suffice. Pinky swear I'm not a speshul snowflake, just don't want anyone to be embarrassed or excluded.

JellyBean52513 · February 2014

So this reminds me of an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond where his daughter Ally was invited to a birthday party. The birthday girl's mom indicated on the invitation that all girls in attendance were to wear a specific dress. Ray and his wife thought it was absolutely ridiculous that this girl's mom was telling people what to wear to the party. Ally didn't want to be the only girl NOT wearing the special dress, so Ray caved and bought it for her. Upon arrival, she was the only one in the dress because all the parents decided that they weren't going to let another person dictate how to dress their kid for a party.

Moral of the story: people don't like to be given clothing instructions and most will probably ignore what you have to say once they realize how rude and offensive it is.

PrettyGirlLost · February 2014

Lolo8383 said:

phira said:
3) Phrase everything as suggestions and examples, and not as restriction (UNLESS your venue has a restriction and will turn guests away at the door). So if someone asks you what to wear, don't answer, "Well, no jeans or sneakers."

OK so... my venue does have a VERY strict "no denim whatsoever" policy. Friend of FI's grandfather was actually turned away at the door for his uncle's Irish wake because she wore a jean skirt. Now, I don't THINK any of our guests would try to wear jeans to our private country club wedding, but I would be mortified if someone had a jean jacket or skirt on and wasn't allowed inside. We ARE close enough to Canuckistan for the "Canadian tuxedo" to be pret-ty popular. Plan was to state ONLY on the wedding website, tucked away on the Guest Information page, "Please note, the (Venue Name) does not permit denim of any kind. Please see website.com for their dress code, and let us know if you have any questions." Yay or nay?? Parents and WP all know the rule, but with 275 guests I'm not confident word of mouth alone will suffice. Pinky swear I'm not a speshul snowflake, just don't want anyone to be embarrassed or excluded.

Hahahaha, love it!

When your venue has a dress code- which most country clubs do- then it is ok to list attire restrictions.

Perhaps on top of having the info on your website, you could have a small blurb on your reception insert in the invitations? Something like

Reception to follow at
Blah Blah Swanky Country Club
Address
Please visit our www.blahblahsewankycountryclub.com for dress code

Also, I would list the country club dress code on your website directly on the page that has your reception venue info.

JellyBean52513 · February 2014

mandalynnecobb said:

It may not be the nicest thing to do but i feel like sometimes it has to be done..

I'm marrying into a family of gypsy's yes I said gypsy. I am not a gypsy and am super nervous about what my whole family and friends will say when they see my soon to be husbands family.. I have seen wedding photos of my fiance's sisters wedding.. all men wore SNEAKERS, JEANS and WHITE TANK TOPS. Little girls wore little CROP TOPS and BIG TULLE SKIRTS.. if you've seen my big fat gypsy wedding its kind of like that.. I am going to drop dead if that happens at my wedding. I'm going for a formal rustic wedding. I will be putting attire on the invitation..because I've already heard them say they are wearing cowgirl boots and daisy dukes to the reception...and they were serious.

1. If you are so offended by how your future in-laws dress for social events, which you knew about in advance since you've seen pictures, then you should reconsider becoming a part of their family.

2. If you're going for "rustic" how are cowboy boots offensive? Ain't shit rustic about 5-inch heels.

3. Someone will read "no jeans allowed" and wear them to piss you off. Immaturity and rudeness tends to be reciprocal.

PrettyGirlLost · February 2014

JellyBean52513 said:

mandalynnecobb said:

It may not be the nicest thing to do but i feel like sometimes it has to be done..

I'm marrying into a family of gypsy's yes I said gypsy. I am not a gypsy and am super nervous about what my whole family and friends will say when they see my soon to be husbands family.. I have seen wedding photos of my fiance's sisters wedding.. all men wore SNEAKERS, JEANS and WHITE TANK TOPS. Little girls wore little CROP TOPS and BIG TULLE SKIRTS.. if you've seen my big fat gypsy wedding its kind of like that.. I am going to drop dead if that happens at my wedding. I'm going for a formal rustic wedding. I will be putting attire on the invitation..because I've already heard them say they are wearing cowgirl boots and daisy dukes to the reception...and they were serious.

1. If you are so offended by how your future in-laws dress for social events, which you knew about in advance since you've seen pictures, then you should reconsider becoming a part of their family.

2. If you're going for "rustic" how are cowboy boots offensive? Ain't shit rustic about 5-inch heels.

3. Someone will read "no jeans allowed" and wear them to piss you off. Immaturity and rudeness tends to be reciprocal.

I'm with jellybean on all of this.

Plus, formal rustic sounds like a huge oxymoron to me. I get that it is a "thing" now thanks to Pinterest and venues that are renovated barns, but it seems totally contradictory to me.

Are you going to wear a gorgeous, traditional wedding gown, will your BM's be wearing lovely, traditional dresses, and then have everyone wear cowboy boots? *shudder*

Inkdancer · February 2014

Lolo8383 said:

phira said:
3) Phrase everything as suggestions and examples, and not as restriction (UNLESS your venue has a restriction and will turn guests away at the door). So if someone asks you what to wear, don't answer, "Well, no jeans or sneakers."

OK so... my venue does have a VERY strict "no denim whatsoever" policy. Friend of FI's grandfather was actually turned away at the door for his uncle's Irish wake because she wore a jean skirt. Now, I don't THINK any of our guests would try to wear jeans to our private country club wedding, but I would be mortified if someone had a jean jacket or skirt on and wasn't allowed inside. We ARE close enough to Canuckistan for the "Canadian tuxedo" to be pret-ty popular. Plan was to state ONLY on the wedding website, tucked away on the Guest Information page, "Please note, the (Venue Name) does not permit denim of any kind. Please see website.com for their dress code, and let us know if you have any questions." Yay or nay?? Parents and WP all know the rule, but with 275 guests I'm not confident word of mouth alone will suffice. Pinky swear I'm not a speshul snowflake, just don't want anyone to be embarrassed or excluded.

Like PP said, I would put an insert that says "Reception to follow at Super Swank Country Club. Please see www.countryclubsite.com or ourweddingsite.com for dress code details." Then on your wedding website, say something like:

Reception will be held at 4 pm at Super Swank Country Club.
Super Swank has a strict dress code, as follows from their website: and then copy-paste what's on their site about what people are and are not allowed to wear.

You may also want to have a couple of extra sports jackets/ ties/ polos on hand for any guests who don't check your website.

antoto · February 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

JellyBean52513 said:

mandalynnecobb said:

It may not be the nicest thing to do but i feel like sometimes it has to be done..

I'm marrying into a family of gypsy's yes I said gypsy. I am not a gypsy and am super nervous about what my whole family and friends will say when they see my soon to be husbands family.. I have seen wedding photos of my fiance's sisters wedding.. all men wore SNEAKERS, JEANS and WHITE TANK TOPS. Little girls wore little CROP TOPS and BIG TULLE SKIRTS.. if you've seen my big fat gypsy wedding its kind of like that.. I am going to drop dead if that happens at my wedding. I'm going for a formal rustic wedding. I will be putting attire on the invitation..because I've already heard them say they are wearing cowgirl boots and daisy dukes to the reception...and they were serious.

1. If you are so offended by how your future in-laws dress for social events, which you knew about in advance since you've seen pictures, then you should reconsider becoming a part of their family.

2. If you're going for "rustic" how are cowboy boots offensive? Ain't shit rustic about 5-inch heels.

3. Someone will read "no jeans allowed" and wear them to piss you off. Immaturity and rudeness tends to be reciprocal.

I'm with jellybean on all of this.

Plus, formal rustic sounds like a huge oxymoron to me. I get that it is a "thing" now thanks to Pinterest and venues that are renovated barns, but it seems totally contradictory to me.

Are you going to wear a gorgeous, traditional wedding gown, will your BM's be wearing lovely, traditional dresses, and then have everyone wear cowboy boots? *shudder*

THIS! ahahaha

Ok to put attire on invitation?

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