Getting married before destination wedding?

mrs4everhart · February 2014

chibiyui said:

chibiyui said:

Quite honestly, I just wish people would stop having DWs in Mexico. Take your goddamn honeymoon there, visit the ruins, the sanitized clean parts where you don't have cops making you pay protection money, but just stop getting married there, pretend or legal.

WTF do you care about people getting married in Mexico? If you don't care for the country don't go. But why should anyone make decisions about where they want to get married based on your extremely limited views of a great country?
I just think it tends to be a cop-out "nouveau riche" trend, like, all the beaches in the states aren't "exotic" enough for you. I understand most people have very good reasons for DW, but given how Mexico has more complicated marriage laws then the states, it doesn't seem logical to get married there unless you're actually Mexican. And it is gorgeous, just be very careful if you step outside the tourist areas.

To the first bolded: I have a hard time comprehending how one applies a trend of seeking a lower priced wedding out of their home country being attributed to new money, but ok.

To the second: I appreciate your faux concern, but I think we'll be alright. More Americans are harmed right here on our own soil than abroad. I'm not going to limit my wanderings over some "what ifs" although I'll try to avoid Detroit as best as possible.

loro929 · February 2014

@STBMrsEverhart

I have been lurking around several posts of which whenever your name is added into the mix there seems to erupt the never-ending debate on PPDs.

What I don't understand is the following: If you are so adamant to not listen to ANYONE's advice // opinions, then why do you instigate by commenting with your quite strong and controversial ideas whenever the words DW appear in TK? If you really were *OK* with what you have decided to do, then I feel you would not try to grab the DW attention spotlight award every time the letters DW appear. IMOH, I feel that it is more an issue of insecurity.

Reading many of your comments in the many debates regarding the topic. I feel as if you come here for validation of your wedding decisions, and the fact that many ladies aren't giving it to you makes you continuously need to argue in favor of PPDs, in general, in order to assure yourself that you made the right decision.

I guess what I want to ask you out of simple curiosity is: if you don't agree with anything that the ladies say here, and you don't find their advice helpful and/or appropriate to your situation, and you are perfectly happy and content with your plans, why do you continuously write to justify them? There should be no need...

mrs4everhart · March 2014

@loro929 - It's not the initials "DW" that generally piques my interest (past the fact that my FI and I are hosting one and I lurk the DW boards for anything pertinent to our wedding, although BestDestinationWeddings.com is far more helpful). It's the initials "PPD" that raises my hackles on any board they appear. And the reason I weigh in on these nonsense "PPD" threads time and again is because they are complete bullshit. There are many differences of opinion about whether or not holding a ceremony after a marriage license is signed is an alright thing to do, and that's all, well and good. The problem I have is the fact that there are far too many individuals stating there is only one acceptable school of thought on this issue, and that's just not the fact.

I'm psyched on my wedding plans and have never considered changing them. And I need validation like I need a hole in my head. The fact is, I'm not going to let a group of women be compete dicks to people who are unsure what to do in situations similar to my own because they believe their way is the right (and only) way, unchallenged. It's just not in my nature. And the amount of PM'ed thank you's I've received enforces the fact that I should continue to post a differing POV, however unpopular it may be.

Jells2dot0 · March 2014

STBMrsEverhart said:

@loro929 - It's not the initials "DW" that generally piques my interest (past the fact that my FI and I are hosting one and I lurk the DW boards for anything pertinent to our wedding, although BestDestinationWeddings.com is far more helpful). It's the initials "PPD" that raises my hackles on any board they appear. And the reason I weigh in on these nonsense "PPD" threads time and again is because they are complete bullshit. There are many differences of opinion about whether or not holding a ceremony after a marriage license is signed is an alright thing to do, and that's all, well and good. The problem I have is the fact that there are far too many individuals stating there is only one acceptable school of thought on this issue, and that's just not the fact.

I'm psyched on my wedding plans and have never considered changing them. And I need validation like I need a hole in my head. The fact is, I'm not going to let a group of women be compete dicks to people who are unsure what to do in situations similar to my own because they believe their way is the right (and only) way, unchallenged. It's just not in my nature. And the amount of PM'ed thank you's I've received enforces the fact that I should continue to post a differing POV, however unpopular it may be.

The main reason why the girls on here criticize you is because you are purposely NOT telling your guests that you are already married and have been for awhile. Yes, having a vow renewal and treating it like an actual wedding will get some "side eyes" on here, but everyone would be a little less insistant with you if you were gracious enough to let your guests know that you are already married and allow them to make an informed decision to spend their money and time off on your international event.

If you are getting PMs that condone the lying aspect of your plans, then that is just disheartening. It's also humorous that these alleged PMers won't publicly get behind you. I think it's because they know deep down it's not the right thing to do, but they like the idea of someone being vocal about it because it possibly validates their own shady plans.

mrs4everhart · March 2014

Jells2dot0 said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

@loro929 - It's not the initials "DW" that generally piques my interest (past the fact that my FI and I are hosting one and I lurk the DW boards for anything pertinent to our wedding, although BestDestinationWeddings.com is far more helpful). It's the initials "PPD" that raises my hackles on any board they appear. And the reason I weigh in on these nonsense "PPD" threads time and again is because they are complete bullshit. There are many differences of opinion about whether or not holding a ceremony after a marriage license is signed is an alright thing to do, and that's all, well and good. The problem I have is the fact that there are far too many individuals stating there is only one acceptable school of thought on this issue, and that's just not the fact.

I'm psyched on my wedding plans and have never considered changing them. And I need validation like I need a hole in my head. The fact is, I'm not going to let a group of women be compete dicks to people who are unsure what to do in situations similar to my own because they believe their way is the right (and only) way, unchallenged. It's just not in my nature. And the amount of PM'ed thank you's I've received enforces the fact that I should continue to post a differing POV, however unpopular it may be.

The main reason why the girls on here criticize you is because you are purposely NOT telling your guests that you are already married and have been for awhile. Yes, having a vow renewal and treating it like an actual wedding will get some "side eyes" on here, but everyone would be a little less insistant with you if you were gracious enough to let your guests know that you are already married and allow them to make an informed decision to spend their money and time off on your international event.

If you are getting PMs that condone the lying aspect of your plans, then that is just disheartening. It's also humorous that these alleged PMers won't publicly get behind you. I think it's because they know deep down it's not the right thing to do, but they like the idea of someone being vocal about it because it possibly validates their own shady plans.

To the first paragraph, I don't care why people feel the need to express their opinions. It's the internet, I expect that people will post what's on their minds on a message board. Doesn't mean I have to agree with them or care one way or the other what strangers think of me or my plans. I'm not unable to comprehend the countless posts speaking out against my position/thoughts/ideas/plans, I just simply don't agree and have no intention of changing our plans.

To the second, whether you find it disheartening or not, I don't have issues with my plans, so naturally others in similar situations to my own do not offend me either. The main reason these women say they chose to stay anonymous is (a) nothing anyone has to say on the subject is changing their minds or plans and (b) many aren't quite as unfazed by strangers being downright bitchy as I clearly am. They are intimidated by the vitriol found on many of these boards. I don't agree with throwing the words "mean" or "bully" around as cavalierly as I see it sometimes on these boards but seriously, some stereotypes are rooted in truthfulness, like it or not. Some of the women here can be downright hateful and nasty. For me, that type of stuff makes me laugh. For other women they are truly not comfortable with confrontation, etc., however safe the internet makes these exchanges. So mostly I get a lot of kudos for standing my ground and not allowing other posters to silence me just because they don't agree with me. And I've gotten plenty letting me know that they are in similar situations and we have discussed the particulars, good, bad and ugly.

MobKaz · March 2014

Jells2dot0 said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

@loro929 - It's not the initials "DW" that generally piques my interest (past the fact that my FI and I are hosting one and I lurk the DW boards for anything pertinent to our wedding, although BestDestinationWeddings.com is far more helpful). It's the initials "PPD" that raises my hackles on any board they appear. And the reason I weigh in on these nonsense "PPD" threads time and again is because they are complete bullshit. There are many differences of opinion about whether or not holding a ceremony after a marriage license is signed is an alright thing to do, and that's all, well and good. The problem I have is the fact that there are far too many individuals stating there is only one acceptable school of thought on this issue, and that's just not the fact.

I'm psyched on my wedding plans and have never considered changing them. And I need validation like I need a hole in my head. The fact is, I'm not going to let a group of women be compete dicks to people who are unsure what to do in situations similar to my own because they believe their way is the right (and only) way, unchallenged. It's just not in my nature. And the amount of PM'ed thank you's I've received enforces the fact that I should continue to post a differing POV, however unpopular it may be.

The main reason why the girls on here criticize you is because you are purposely NOT telling your guests that you are already married and have been for awhile. Yes, having a vow renewal and treating it like an actual wedding will get some "side eyes" on here, but everyone would be a little less insistant with you if you were gracious enough to let your guests know that you are already married and allow them to make an informed decision to spend their money and time off on your international event.

If you are getting PMs that condone the lying aspect of your plans, then that is just disheartening. It's also humorous that these alleged PMers won't publicly get behind you. I think it's because they know deep down it's not the right thing to do, but they like the idea of someone being vocal about it because it possibly validates their own shady plans.

@Jells2dot0........why in the world would you put any credence into anything she says? I think we all know how good her word is.....of course those messages are **cough** private.

mrs4everhart · March 2014

mobkaz said:

Jells2dot0 said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

@loro929 - It's not the initials "DW" that generally piques my interest (past the fact that my FI and I are hosting one and I lurk the DW boards for anything pertinent to our wedding, although BestDestinationWeddings.com is far more helpful). It's the initials "PPD" that raises my hackles on any board they appear. And the reason I weigh in on these nonsense "PPD" threads time and again is because they are complete bullshit. There are many differences of opinion about whether or not holding a ceremony after a marriage license is signed is an alright thing to do, and that's all, well and good. The problem I have is the fact that there are far too many individuals stating there is only one acceptable school of thought on this issue, and that's just not the fact.

I'm psyched on my wedding plans and have never considered changing them. And I need validation like I need a hole in my head. The fact is, I'm not going to let a group of women be compete dicks to people who are unsure what to do in situations similar to my own because they believe their way is the right (and only) way, unchallenged. It's just not in my nature. And the amount of PM'ed thank you's I've received enforces the fact that I should continue to post a differing POV, however unpopular it may be.

The main reason why the girls on here criticize you is because you are purposely NOT telling your guests that you are already married and have been for awhile. Yes, having a vow renewal and treating it like an actual wedding will get some "side eyes" on here, but everyone would be a little less insistant with you if you were gracious enough to let your guests know that you are already married and allow them to make an informed decision to spend their money and time off on your international event.

If you are getting PMs that condone the lying aspect of your plans, then that is just disheartening. It's also humorous that these alleged PMers won't publicly get behind you. I think it's because they know deep down it's not the right thing to do, but they like the idea of someone being vocal about it because it possibly validates their own shady plans.

@Jells2dot0........why in the world would you put any credence into anything she says? I think we all know how good her word is.....of course those messages are **cough** private.

Yes, @mobkaz, I'm making this up because I have so little else going on in my world, I'm now just pretending people PM me. You're fucking ridiculous. Now, go google a gif that encapsulates your feelings about this and post it, my watch needs some calibration.

MobKaz · March 2014

STBMrsEverhart said:

mobkaz said:

Jells2dot0 said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

@loro929 - It's not the initials "DW" that generally piques my interest (past the fact that my FI and I are hosting one and I lurk the DW boards for anything pertinent to our wedding, although BestDestinationWeddings.com is far more helpful). It's the initials "PPD" that raises my hackles on any board they appear. And the reason I weigh in on these nonsense "PPD" threads time and again is because they are complete bullshit. There are many differences of opinion about whether or not holding a ceremony after a marriage license is signed is an alright thing to do, and that's all, well and good. The problem I have is the fact that there are far too many individuals stating there is only one acceptable school of thought on this issue, and that's just not the fact.

I'm psyched on my wedding plans and have never considered changing them. And I need validation like I need a hole in my head. The fact is, I'm not going to let a group of women be compete dicks to people who are unsure what to do in situations similar to my own because they believe their way is the right (and only) way, unchallenged. It's just not in my nature. And the amount of PM'ed thank you's I've received enforces the fact that I should continue to post a differing POV, however unpopular it may be.

The main reason why the girls on here criticize you is because you are purposely NOT telling your guests that you are already married and have been for awhile. Yes, having a vow renewal and treating it like an actual wedding will get some "side eyes" on here, but everyone would be a little less insistant with you if you were gracious enough to let your guests know that you are already married and allow them to make an informed decision to spend their money and time off on your international event.

If you are getting PMs that condone the lying aspect of your plans, then that is just disheartening. It's also humorous that these alleged PMers won't publicly get behind you. I think it's because they know deep down it's not the right thing to do, but they like the idea of someone being vocal about it because it possibly validates their own shady plans.

@Jells2dot0........why in the world would you put any credence into anything she says? I think we all know how good her word is.....of course those messages are **cough** private.

Yes, @mobkaz, I'm making this up because I have so little else going on in my world, I'm now just pretending people PM me. You're fucking ridiculous. Now, go google a gif that encapsulates your feelings about this and post it, my watch needs some calibration.

mrs4everhart · March 2014

Right on time.......Thanks for at least avoiding a smoker this go 'round.

MobKaz · March 2014

STBMrsEverhart said:

Right on time.......Thanks for at least avoiding a smoker this go 'round.

Jells2dot0 · March 2014

mobkaz said:

Jells2dot0 said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

@loro929 - It's not the initials "DW" that generally piques my interest (past the fact that my FI and I are hosting one and I lurk the DW boards for anything pertinent to our wedding, although BestDestinationWeddings.com is far more helpful). It's the initials "PPD" that raises my hackles on any board they appear. And the reason I weigh in on these nonsense "PPD" threads time and again is because they are complete bullshit. There are many differences of opinion about whether or not holding a ceremony after a marriage license is signed is an alright thing to do, and that's all, well and good. The problem I have is the fact that there are far too many individuals stating there is only one acceptable school of thought on this issue, and that's just not the fact.

I'm psyched on my wedding plans and have never considered changing them. And I need validation like I need a hole in my head. The fact is, I'm not going to let a group of women be compete dicks to people who are unsure what to do in situations similar to my own because they believe their way is the right (and only) way, unchallenged. It's just not in my nature. And the amount of PM'ed thank you's I've received enforces the fact that I should continue to post a differing POV, however unpopular it may be.

The main reason why the girls on here criticize you is because you are purposely NOT telling your guests that you are already married and have been for awhile. Yes, having a vow renewal and treating it like an actual wedding will get some "side eyes" on here, but everyone would be a little less insistant with you if you were gracious enough to let your guests know that you are already married and allow them to make an informed decision to spend their money and time off on your international event.

If you are getting PMs that condone the lying aspect of your plans, then that is just disheartening. It's also humorous that these alleged PMers won't publicly get behind you. I think it's because they know deep down it's not the right thing to do, but they like the idea of someone being vocal about it because it possibly validates their own shady plans.

@Jells2dot0........why in the world would you put any credence into anything she says? I think we all know how good her word is.....of course those messages are **cough** private.

I did use the word "alleged" LOL

mrs4everhart · March 2014

Again, @mobkaz, you're fucking ridiculous. The fact that you think I'm just making up that many women have PM'ed over the last several months to thank me up or get my thoughts is funny. What's sad however, is how out of touch most of you are, not because you think I'm living in some fantasyland pretending people PM me, but because you're so far off base with what people do on the daily and what many think of the "advice" and how it is dispensed around here. You and your ilk are welcome to think I'm nuttier than squirrel shit and that's no skin off my nose. I'll be having practical conversations with women who aren't interested in being told what you all think they're not entitled to or what you all say they can't do with their time and money. That's easy.

MobKaz · March 2014

STBMrsEverhart said:

Again, @mobkaz, you're fucking ridiculous. The fact that you think I'm just making up that many women have PM'ed over the last several months to thank me up or get my thoughts is funny. What's sad however, is how out of touch most of you are, not because you think I'm living in some fantasyland pretending people PM me, but because you're so far off base with what people do on the daily and what many think of the "advice" and how it is dispensed around here. You and your ilk are welcome to think I'm nuttier than squirrel shit and that's no skin off my nose. I'll be having practical conversations with women who aren't interested in being told what you all think they're not entitled to or what you all say they can't do with their time and money. That's easy.

Hey....Quick Draw.....

mrs4everhart · March 2014

mobkaz said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

Again, @mobkaz, you're fucking ridiculous. The fact that you think I'm just making up that many women have PM'ed over the last several months to thank me up or get my thoughts is funny. What's sad however, is how out of touch most of you are, not because you think I'm living in some fantasyland pretending people PM me, but because you're so far off base with what people do on the daily and what many think of the "advice" and how it is dispensed around here. You and your ilk are welcome to think I'm nuttier than squirrel shit and that's no skin off my nose. I'll be having practical conversations with women who aren't interested in being told what you all think they're not entitled to or what you all say they can't do with their time and money. That's easy.

Hey....Quick Draw.....

Yea, I'll agree there, I can count on logging in and your making me feel like I'm in a Bill Murray movie.

lizann8503 · March 2014

My FH and I are planning a DW at Las Caletas, which is a cove outside Puerto Vallarta. Las Caletas is only accessible by boat and they do not offer a legal ceremony. They can only offer a spiritual ceremony. We will have to get legally married before or after.

Jells2dot0 · March 2014

lizann8503 said:

My FH and I are planning a DW at Las Caletas, which is a cove outside Puerto Vallarta. Las Caletas is only accessible by boat and they do not offer a legal ceremony. They can only offer a spiritual ceremony. We will have to get legally married before or after.

I'm curious as to why the location on the island causes legality issues. The resort I married on is located on an island in the middle of the Great Barrier Reef. In order to get there, you have to take a ferry to one island, and from there, you take a small boat transfer (think deep sea fishing size). Or you can take a helicopter to the first island and then boat over. The resort where we stayed is only run on solar and has 6 rooms. I had the celebrant and photographer come over by helicopter and boat transfer for my wedding, which was easily arranged through the resort.

I imagine your guests have to get on the island somehow, so how is it that you and your guests can get there but a celebrant can't?

Ausome13 · March 2014

I have spoken to the people attending my Ceremony and none of them were concerned when I was considering doing the paper work here. They are coming to watch me say vows before God not fill out legal documents. That being said, I have opted to go to Jamaica instead of Mexico to avoid the issues that were causing me to consider having a symbolic ceremony. I think every bride and every wedding is different and however they want to have their celebration is their choice but I would urge everyone to be upfront and not hide the information from anyone.

mrs4everhart · March 2014

Jells2dot0 said:

lizann8503 said:

My FH and I are planning a DW at Las Caletas, which is a cove outside Puerto Vallarta. Las Caletas is only accessible by boat and they do not offer a legal ceremony. They can only offer a spiritual ceremony. We will have to get legally married before or after.

I'm curious as to why the location on the island causes legality issues. The resort I married on is located on an island in the middle of the Great Barrier Reef. In order to get there, you have to take a ferry to one island, and from there, you take a small boat transfer (think deep sea fishing size). Or you can take a helicopter to the first island and then boat over. The resort where we stayed is only run on solar and has 6 rooms. I had the celebrant and photographer come over by helicopter and boat transfer for my wedding, which was easily arranged through the resort.

I imagine your guests have to get on the island somehow, so how is it that you and your guests can get there but a celebrant can't?

It reads to me as though a judge's services aren't offered by whatever resort or park or other type of venue this island has. Only a judge can perform legal marriages for visitors in Mexico but all sorts of different types of celebrants can offer a couple a spiritual ceremony in Mexico. Perhaps there's a possibility that the couple could source a judge themselves but maybe they're not interested in the hassle? Or maybe they're not interested in the type of ceremony the Mexican legal ceremony is.

lizann8503 · March 2014

Hi Jells,

I'm not sure of the reasoning behind not offering legal ceremonies. In the information they send me, they just stated, "The ceremony would follow, taking place directly on the beach. It is important to know that we do not do legal ceremonies, only symbolic."

SarahWins · March 2014

We are getting married in Puerto Aventuras, near Cancun. With all of the extra paperwork required, blood tests, more time in the country, paying for birth certificates to be translated, etc. it doesn't make sense for us to go the legal route there. Oh, and the wedding has to be performed in Spanish. Then when you get home you will have to get your marriage license translated and converted to your state's version. We are getting legally married before our wedding because we want to be able to claim married status on our taxes, and won't be back in the U.S. until after the New Year. To us, the legal part is just that, though, and not the "real" wedding. We aren't considering ourselves married until after the ceremony, and I'm not changing my name until we get home. If it's important to you to not be legally married, you can always wait until after you get back. I would definitely not mess with the legalities in Mexico though. Save yourself the time, hassle, and money.

heyyitsbri · March 2014

This makes sense to me. I totally understand where Jells is coming from though. I am tossing the idea back and forth to marry in the Port of Miami on the cruise ship or on the beach in Grand Cayman when we port there. The wedding planner takes care of all the details so I don't really have to worry about the paperwork part, other than getting the marriage certificate application notarized and sent back to Florida. However, it seems like some of these DWs are very complicated. I can see how they're wanting to get married legally in the states to avoid doing a whole lot of running around, in a country they've never been, to get paperwork done on what should be a relaxing and lovely vacation

sydneyviolet · March 2014

Jells2dot0 said:

The only time it really makes sense to do that is if you cannot legally marry in the destination you chose.

@Jells2dot0 It's amusing to me that you are still unable to reflect on the separation between the legality of marriage and the ritual of the wedding.

I'm holding a DW in Italy and sorting out the paperwork before I leave because – wait for it – it's easier. It's not an uncommon thing to do and it's been around forever (FMIL did it this way too), so It's surprising to me that you are so close-minded on this issue.

My guests (rational and progressive people) couldn't care less about where we did the paperwork, they are just excited to share the symbolic ceremony with us.

Jells2dot0 · March 2014

sydneyviolet said:
Jells2dot0 said:

The only time it really makes sense to do that is if you cannot legally marry in the destination you chose.

@Jells2dot0 It's amusing to me that you are still unable to reflect on the separation between the legality of marriage and the ritual of the wedding.

I'm holding a DW in Italy and sorting out the paperwork before I leave because – wait for it – it's easier. It's not an uncommon thing to do and it's been around forever (FMIL did it this way too), so It's surprising to me that you are so close-minded on this issue.

My guests (rational and progressive people) couldn't care less about where we did the paperwork, they are just excited to share the symbolic ceremony with us.

This is way old news. And for what it's worth, as a destination wedding bride who got married in a country where I was not resident, I stand by what I said. I'm not being close minded. I'm standing up for the guests who don't realize that some of the ceremonies they are witnessing are a re-do after they spent thousands to attend what they thought was your wedding. If your guests know you got legally married beforehand, then good for you. You did the right thing.

sydneyviolet · March 2014

@Jells2dot0 Your response indicates that you are still not clear on the division of the legality of marriage and the ritual of the wedding.

Jells2dot0 · March 2014

sydneyviolet said:

@Jells2dot0 Your response indicates that you are still not clear on the division of the legality of marriage and the ritual of the wedding.

I do understand. A wedding is when you get married. So, when you sign the papers, that is your wedding. People have big to do weddings or small private weddings. However, if you choose to have a JOP wedding or very scaled back civil ceremony with few guests and no vows, then you opt out of the whole big ritual. Unless you live in a country where you have to have a scaled back civil ceremony separate from a religious ceremony or larger ceremony. Then, yes, you will have two separate events- the civil marriage and what you are calling a ritual.

sydneyviolet · March 2014

@Jells2dot0

Jells2dot0 · March 2014

@knotporscha can you close this thread? There is a VERY similar post that is a sticky on the etiquette board, so there is no need to continue this mess on this board.

Getting married before destination wedding?

Re: Getting married before destination wedding?

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