Unplugged Wedding - Thoughts?

sydneyviolet · April 2014

Is there anything worse than photographs of other people taking photographs?!! You should check out this article on Huff Post if you haven't already.

l9i I think your blurb sounds totally reasonable.

I work in fashion and advertising photography and I just can't bare the thought of someones terrible iPhone shots of my ceremony on FB......and there's no way someone's iPhone shot is ever going to compare to my professional photographers (he is amazing).

If anything, I think it's rude (and become all too common place) for guests to take photographs during a ceremony. It's terribly intrusive - as a guest I have never felt comfortable doing this, and I work in photography!

You need to work out what sits best with your personal values and approach for the day. I will be having a unplugged ceremony as my FI and I are quite private people. I have mentioned this on the website, included a reminder slip with the invite and because of our small numbers (35) my coordinator is able to mention this to each guest on arrival.

All of my guests are very progressive and respectful people - I can't imagine anyone having any issues with our request.

skyhigh27 · April 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

skyhigh27 said:

Our vidiot (he's a friend of ours, hence the pet name) actually says in our contract that there's to be no outside photography or videography other than those under contract to cover the event. However, there will be two photographers and two vidiots, so that's already a lot of people in a confined area. Our officiant is going to make an announcement prior to the ceremony and we're both putting our vows on paper rather than using our phones or iPad.

A co-worker showed me a video, I believe it was called "don't be that guy (wedding)", I'm sure it's on YouTube if you are curious. Kind of made me cringe.

Meaning no other commercial/professional photogs/videographers, right? He doesn't mean that guests can't take photos, does he?

That's exactly what he means, with the clarification of people can take photographs/videos of themselves but not any designed elements of the wedding itself. On one hand, I think he's a tad out of line however after watching some of his other work, I understand why so many photographers and videographers prefer to not have oblivious people standing in the way of the money shot, so to speak.

My personal feeling is if you think you might run into an issue of people getting in the way of your paid photographer(s), have the officiant say something or casually bring it up prior to the wedding when you see family and friends. When I first got engaged, that was one of the first things I said to my friends; I'm not a huge fan of having my photo plastered all over Facebook or Instagram (they very much are) and asked that they not share any photos of me or my fiancé from our wedding, but they know I'm very particular about photography in general.

To me, taking photographs during someone's wedding is like texting during dinner but I understand that not everyone feels the same way.

joshkaytsheard · April 2014

We had an uplugged wedding & loved it! Read more here: http://thecountrymoosechronicles.blogspot.com/2014/04/unplugged-part-2.html

One of our biggest wants for our wedding was amazing pictures of our day, and we didn't want any guests getting in the way of that (i have seen it happen wayyy to many times) so we found a way around it with our unplugged wedding.

loved it!! and would totally do it again!

Viczaesar · April 2014

joshkaytsheard said:

We had an uplugged wedding & loved it! Read more here: http://thecountrymoosechronicles.blogspot.com/2014/04/unplugged-part-2.html

One of our biggest wants for our wedding was amazing pictures of our day, and we didn't want any guests getting in the way of that (i have seen it happen wayyy to many times) so we found a way around it with our unplugged wedding.

loved it!! and would totally do it again!

Congratulations, you're rude!

kplisko · April 2014

I love the idea of an unplugged wedding and am doing it myself. We recently saw the wedding of a rock star on ET and they did the same thing. Our main concern is that we prefer privacy at our event and we really don't want people tweeting and facebooking pictures - we are very private. Our sign at the entrance to our reception will read (may need to be tweaked): Welcome to our Unplugged Wedding! Please respect our wishes with no posting to social media but have a hell of a good time!

Guests will know it's fine to take pictures all they want, we just prefer not to have them shared with the entire world!

photokitty · April 2014

kplisko said:

I love the idea of an unplugged wedding and am doing it myself. We recently saw the wedding of a rock star on ET and they did the same thing. Our main concern is that we prefer privacy at our event and we really don't want people tweeting and facebooking pictures - we are very private. Our sign at the entrance to our reception will read (may need to be tweaked): Welcome to our Unplugged Wedding! Please respect our wishes with no posting to social media but have a hell of a good time!

Guests will know it's fine to take pictures all they want, we just prefer not to have them shared with the entire world!

Unless you are a rockstar or celebrity yourself, I don't think people are going to be scouring the net for images of your wedding. If you have a FB account than you are already not respecting your own wishes on being private. If you don't have any social media and people know you are private, it is dafe to assume they wouldn't post photos of you anyway - I know I wouldn't. If you ever post any wedding photos on social media this request will make you a hypocrite.

Also if you friends want to take a selfie, group shot without or one with this SO, then it's really rude to ask them not to post it just bc it happened at your reception. Just update your setting so no one can tag you or post to your wall without your approval.

PrettyGirlLost · April 2014

skyhigh27 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

skyhigh27 said:

Our vidiot (he's a friend of ours, hence the pet name) actually says in our contract that there's to be no outside photography or videography other than those under contract to cover the event. However, there will be two photographers and two vidiots, so that's already a lot of people in a confined area. Our officiant is going to make an announcement prior to the ceremony and we're both putting our vows on paper rather than using our phones or iPad.

A co-worker showed me a video, I believe it was called "don't be that guy (wedding)", I'm sure it's on YouTube if you are curious. Kind of made me cringe.

Meaning no other commercial/professional photogs/videographers, right? He doesn't mean that guests can't take photos, does he?

That's exactly what he means, with the clarification of people can take photographs/videos of themselves but not any designed elements of the wedding itself. On one hand, I think he's a tad out of line however after watching some of his other work, I understand why so many photographers and videographers prefer to not have oblivious people standing in the way of the money shot, so to speak.

My personal feeling is if you think you might run into an issue of people getting in the way of your paid photographer(s), have the officiant say something or casually bring it up prior to the wedding when you see family and friends. When I first got engaged, that was one of the first things I said to my friends; I'm not a huge fan of having my photo plastered all over Facebook or Instagram (they very much are) and asked that they not share any photos of me or my fiancé from our wedding, but they know I'm very particular about photography in general.

To me, taking photographs during someone's wedding is like texting during dinner but I understand that not everyone feels the same way.

So the photographer is saying that absolutely no one- other commercial/professional photographers or guests- are permitted to photograph the wedding. Unless of course they are taking selfies.

What's he going to do? Yell at or try to confiscate guests' phones and cameras? Does he really think he can keep guests from taking pictures of the bride and groom, their table centerpieces if they like them, the venue, etc? I'm thinking he isn't going to have time to police anyone since he's supposed to be taking pictures of you!

Folks, this specific type of language in photography contracts is what I find pretentious and overly controlling. This type of language and intent goes well beyond just Covering Your Ass so that the bride and groom can't sue you on the rare chance that you miss a money shot because a guest gets in the way.

Good luck trying to control everybody all night *eyeroll*

netskyblue2 · April 2014

I think the best way to request an unplugged ceremony without being offensive to guests is to have the officiant ask guests to please refrain from taking photos during the ceremony.

daradevries · April 2014

I'm having the person marrying us just say "no flash photography" before the ceremony starts. That's what is most important to me when people are discussing an "unplugged ceremony". My photographer showed me what other people's flashes can do to his pictures and they were so surprising! There's weird shadows and bright white on people's faces.

I feel it's the person attending the wedding's fault if they have their nose in their phone and not paying attention, I'll be paying attention to my groom and that's what truly matters that day.

laro0075 · April 2014

I don't think it's rude at all. The term 'unplug' is a little weird, though. Frankly, people don't have common sense. Respectfully telling them to keep their devices off isn't offensive. If people are offended, then they can stay home and talk on their phones.

Really, the fact that you're even thinking of saying it is a completely accurate reflection on the way society is now.

demaris8 · April 2014

I was a guest at an unplugged wedding two years ago. The minister made an announcement at the beginning of the ceremony and everyone abided. I thought it was a sweet idea but I'm so picture crazy, I thought "what if the photographer misses something someone else can't capture?!" Which is the main reason I'm okay with cameras and phones at my wedding next year, as long as the phones are silenced lol

Another friend got married in last May and had tons of beautiful photos from friends in addition to the photographer.

I don't think it's a terrible idea. Maybe keeping it off of the program and just having the officiant make the announcement in the beginning might make it less "in your face" and offensive, as some people put it, because it's not in writing. The minister at the wedding I attended put it in such a way that we felt honored to just enjoy the wedding and not worry about phones, so an announcement might be a better way to go. Plus, people might miss your note in the program.

RoyandCarrie · April 2014

My photographer sent me a link to this article: http://petapixel.com/2013/05/15/guest-photographers-or-why-you-should-have-an-unplugged-wedding/ so I am asking guests to refrain from taking photos during the ceremony and at key moments (first dance, cake cutting, etc) during the reception. I mentioned it on my wedding website and included the link to the article. Hopefully when guests see the pictures in the article, they will understand. I also told them I will make professional photos available to them online.

Carsonchilders · April 2014

Just this morning I read the following article (definitely worth the read if you have the time.) It is your special day, and if you don't want guests potentially ruining your professional's pictures (whom you have PAID to capture special moments) by using flash or jumping in the way to get a good shot themselves, then it is your prerogative to request an unplugged ceremony. It also takes away the intimacy of the ceremony and other special moments to look out and see a sea of iPhones instead of your loved one's happy faces. I am getting married in October and am definitely going to request an unplugged ceremony and flash-less reception. Your guests should not be offended that you want your special day the way you want it.

http://petapixel.com/2013/05/15/guest-photographers-or-why-you-should-have-an-unplugged-wedding/

stephaniebyrd107 · April 2014

My fiance and I are asking people to leave devices away during the ceremony. I've been to too many weddings where I had to watch the ceremony through someone's iPad, or the photographer had to ask someone to move.

Honestly, I feel like taking pictures during someone else's ceremony is selfish and rude. I feel like most people - not all, for sure, but most - take pictures for themselves or to post of Facebook, not to actually share with the couple.

My photographer shared this great video with me that shows how far some guests go to get their great picture: http://fstoppers.com/attending-a-wedding-soon-be-sure-to-watch-this-video

emmaaa · April 2014

That article was shared in this thread three times now. It does show what flash can do to a photographer. But a well trained and professional photographer should be able to adjust to this.

This is not a "new" thing. Before cell phones, people used a digital camera. Before that, it was a regular camera, and before that it was a polaroid camera. There has always been a flash on these cameras and photographers have learned how to take awesome pictures regardless.

PrettyGirlLost · April 2014

Yeah that petapixel article has already been linked here several times, and I think it's fake.

Those photos that are bleached out because guests are supposedly taking photos with their phones. . . they look like they were manipulated in Photoshop in order to support the claims in the article.

meghanmarie79 · April 2014

abbyj700 said:

I've been in 3 weddings in the past 12 months - 2 of which were unplugged. We will be doing the same for our ceremony. We put it on our wedding website and will be having our officiant ask our guests to do so as well.

For the rest of our festivities cameras are welcomed and encouraged. We even have a wedding app for people to post to.

Out of a whole weekend of festivities - we ask people put the phones away for 15 minutes. If they don't, I'm not going bridezilla and diving across the aisle to club someone out. It'll all work out.

All of this!!!! I'm requesting an unplugged ceremony, but I'm not going to freak out if someone doesn't comply. Ours is kind of airplane-centric, so my program will read like this:

Ladies and gentlemen, prior to wedding take-off, all seat backs and tray tables must be in their upright and locked positions, all bags properly stowed, and all portable electronic devices turned off and stowed. This includes cell phones and cameras. Your Captain and First Officer will gladly share the photo gallery as soon as it becomes available. Thank you, and enjoy the ride!

So it will be like the flight attendant making the announcement before the plane takes off. Again tho, if someone can't bear the thought of not taking pictures, whatever. I'm not going to force anyone. But it doesn't hurt to ask for that courtesy in the beginning.

Looking back, I've realized that there are times that I would be so busy taking pictures, I would miss out on what's happening right in front of me -- be it a wedding, birthday party, concert -- so I've made a conscious effort to enjoy what's in front of me, maybe take one or 2 pictures to preserve the memory, but do my best to, as much as people hate the phrase, be present.

FutureMrsLouis · April 2014

This is all so interesting. I've totally seen the issue of everyone having out their phone or DSLR (that beeped for every photo during the ceremony and I think it's the rudest thing to ever happen during someone's most sacred moment (especially if they cared enough to want you to be included). At the last wedding I attended, it was so bad that I couldn't see the bride walking down the aisle, and much of my view of the ceremony was obstructed. It was so distracting that I pulled out my phone.., and immediately added "unplugged ceremony" to my list of wedding musts.

I love the wording that was originally suggested, and I may to use it - though tweaked because MY VENUE doesn't allow photography/movement during the ceremony. And if the photog I'm paying for has to shoot from the back of the sanctuary, you darn well better believe that I don't want your iphone glare or beeping camera taking photos instead.

I think it's 50/50 on guests being offended. Some, like me, who think that the present case of too many amateur photogs ruins the ceremony, and those who will think I'm a controlling brat. Chances are, those who think I'm a brat already feel that way and me asking them (politely) not to use their phones won't change much.

bjosselyn · April 2014

We are doing a combo - we left a cute note on the program asking guests to not take photos and simply enjoy the moment during the ceremony, but then we did a cute "I Spy" game to take photos during the reception - showing that we aren't offending anyone, but there is a time and place for photos.

Inkdancer · April 2014

FutureMrsLouis said:

This is all so interesting. I've totally seen the issue of everyone having out their phone or DSLR (that beeped for every photo during the ceremony and I think it's the rudest thing to ever happen during someone's most sacred moment (especially if they cared enough to want you to be included). At the last wedding I attended, it was so bad that I couldn't see the bride walking down the aisle, and much of my view of the ceremony was obstructed. It was so distracting that I pulled out my phone.., and immediately added "unplugged ceremony" to my list of wedding musts.

I love the wording that was originally suggested, and I may to use it - though tweaked because MY VENUE doesn't allow photography/movement during the ceremony. And if the photog I'm paying for has to shoot from the back of the sanctuary, you darn well better believe that I don't want your iphone glare or beeping camera taking photos instead.

I think it's 50/50 on guests being offended. Some, like me, who think that the present case of too many amateur photogs ruins the ceremony, and those who will think I'm a controlling brat. Chances are, those who think I'm a brat already feel that way and me asking them (politely) not to use their phones won't change much.

Is your venue really going to kick a guest out for scratching their nose while you're saying your vows?

buhdana · April 2014

I'm considering having an unplugged ceremony too, but it seems like a lot of people on here think it's mean and controlling. I'm sure guests know to have their phones on vibrate or silent, but the sea of iPhone photography can be annoying and rude. I wish people would just sit and watch through their own eyes (not a screen) and be present (yes, I said it), because a lot of them will not. I wish guests would just do this out of courtesy (and for their own enjoyment!) and not have to be told, because telling people can come off as rude in itself. If you're going to do it, try to be as tactful and unpatronizing as possible. Just have the officiant say something quickly about keeping phones and cameras away during the ceremony. If people are worried about photos, assure them they will have free access to the professional photos. As much as you can HOPE guests will be respectful, not all of them will, and that's kind of sad.

FutureMrsLouis · April 2014

Likely not - but I think it's a fabulous excuse for getting what I want. It's more that videography has to be done from the back of the room, and once the processional starts, the photog is supposed to only be in the back of the room. I'm working on getting that loosened a bit, cause I think it's harsh, but the wording was pretty specific: everyone needs to sit their arses down while the wedding is happening.

kimberlydiane22 · April 2014

I'll give my $.02. I'm 24, not married (heck not even engaged yet) but it'll happen whenever he gets a ring instead of 4wheelers (lol). Truthfully I LOVE the idea of an unplugged ceremony.
I've attended three weddings this past year (twice being in the party). I can't even begin to count how many professional photos were taken of the attendees & those attendees were on their phones (& not necessarily taking photos at the time).
Unfortunately technology & the lack of mannerisms is getting worse. While people say "they have common sense, you don't need to tell them because you'll come off rude".... Well. Common sense these days lacks A LOT. Heaven forbid someone put their phone away for 15minutes & not check a text/tweet or take a photo etc.
Reception is fair game for photos (definitely make your own little Instagram # AND change your facebook privacy to where you must accept tags before those show up on your profile!)
I agree with @sydneyviolet!!!!

wuerfleinrs · April 2014

I don't find it offensive at all. Every time I go to a movie or play they ask you to turn of your phone. Sometimes people forget and need to be reminded. It's happened to me before. I personally don't mind if people take pictures but I will ask them not to take flash photographs. 1. I don't want it to cause problems for my photography and 2. the flash really bothers my fiances eyes. We don't need to be distracted by tons of flashing. I do think you need to keep the note simple "Please silence your phones" "No flash photography".

misshart00 · April 2014

This thread must have been sent in an email or been on the front page of TK.

Emily4HL · April 2014

You are allowed to have preferences and state them, so long as you realize that people may not agree with you or follow them. Different people feel differently about weddings and what they mean and I think you have a right to ask for the kind of wedding that means the most to you. Expressing your preferences, rather than telling your guests how to live their lives seems appropriate to me, preferably with a quick statement at the beginning of your wedding.

I also went to one wedding where there was no photography, professional or otherwise, during the ceremony. They then staged some shots afterwards and encouraged everyone to take pictures then, which was a interesting method.

emmaaa · April 2014

@misshart Yep, just got TK Newsletter

kplisko · April 2014

Unfortunately there are some circumstances surrounding our event and we prefer to keep it private. Neither of us hold any social media accounts but thanks for your input.

kplisko · April 2014

photokitty said:

kplisko said:

I love the idea of an unplugged wedding and am doing it myself. We recently saw the wedding of a rock star on ET and they did the same thing. Our main concern is that we prefer privacy at our event and we really don't want people tweeting and facebooking pictures - we are very private. Our sign at the entrance to our reception will read (may need to be tweaked): Welcome to our Unplugged Wedding! Please respect our wishes with no posting to social media but have a hell of a good time!

Guests will know it's fine to take pictures all they want, we just prefer not to have them shared with the entire world!

Unless you are a rockstar or celebrity yourself, I don't think people are going to be scouring the net for images of your wedding. If you have a FB account than you are already not respecting your own wishes on being private. If you don't have any social media and people know you are private, it is dafe to assume they wouldn't post photos of you anyway - I know I wouldn't. If you ever post any wedding photos on social media this request will make you a hypocrite.

Also if you friends want to take a selfie, group shot without or one with this SO, then it's really rude to ask them not to post it just bc it happened at your reception. Just update your setting so no one can tag you or post to your wall without your approval.

Unfortunately there are some circumstances surrounding our event and we prefer to keep it private. Neither of us hold any social media accounts but thanks for your input.

Emily4HL · April 2014

I'm much more concerned about SOCIAL MEDIA.

A mutual, password protected drop box account for guests or other ways to share pictures via social media that you're comfortable with seems like a good idea to me. I don't think I'm super popular, but people google EVERYONE, and you never know where your life will lead in the future. Some people have implied in this thread that opting into facebook means I must accept every kind of facebook use, and I disagree. I usually share articles with friends and don't have that many pictures, so I'd like to encourage guests to share more privately by suggesting a specific way to do that. I will suggest a method of sharing that I'm comfortable with.

We will probably include something such as "We would prefer that guests share pictures with each other through __________." I think providing a method that I feel most comfortable with and that still allows my guests to share with each other is important.

To me, there's also a huge difference between guest selfies at a wedding and pictures of the events of the wedding itself. If its your face, I don't particularly care where you took the picture unless it was wildly inappropriate timing. If its someone else's face, their emotional response, or their work, I'm much more sensitive.

Finally, if its rude tell people who aren't invited to the wedding all about it, or post details on facebook where people who aren't invited will see them, I think its also inconsiderate to have all your guests share tons of pictures publicly. Personally, I like seeing a few pictures when someone gets married, but too many makes me feel excluded. I'm having a large wedding, but lots of people who see my facebook feed aren't invited and I don't want them to feel excluded.

Bottom line, if I wouldn't start a conversation with an uninvited person about my wedding details, I don't want anyone showing them tons of pictures unless they ask to see them. Yes, they don't have to look, but I don't want all the pics there anyway, so I'd rather show them if they ask.

Unplugged Wedding - Thoughts?

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