XP: MOH wants to do her hair exactly the same way as me

SBmini · April 2014

Please- tell me if I'm being a bridezilla for being a little peeved by this.

I've been pretty easy going with my girls and what they wear to the wedding. I just asked my wedding party to send me their hair styles so the stylist I've hired can properly gauge the time needed. So my MOH replies right away by telling me she wants it half up, half down and curled, and sends me a photo... it is exactly what I'm doing for my hair.

I'm not sure how to manage. She's brunette, I'm blonde, so we won't look exactly a like. But is it OK for me to want to tell her that she can do anything but that? Or am I out of line to dictate what she can or cannot do with her hair? Not sure if it makes any difference, but I'm paying for hair and makeup for all of the girls.

Edit: because no one actually read any other posts in this thread aside from the first post. I didn't ask her to do anything. Nor am I trying to dictate what her hair is. I was a flower girl/jr bridesmaid with my sister in multiple weddings as kids and we already had matching hair. I don't think there's anything wrong with me wanting my hair to be unique at my own wedding. I really don't appreciate some of the mean things people have said simply because I was asking if I was overthinking this or if I was right. Telling me I'm overthinking it would have been good enough.

chibiyui · April 2014

I, personally, if I were the BM would feel bad for picking the style you were planning on, and would have no problem picking something different.

I also don't think anyone will really notice your hair styles are the same though. Drink a glass of wine, and see how you feel afterwords. It will probably pass.

NavyBlue143 · April 2014

Nobody is going to notice if her hair is the same style as yours. You can request, but it seems nit picky to me. It's just hair, she's not putting on a silver tinsel Cher wig.

NYCMercedes · April 2014

The pic was for the stylist, not for you to judge, so let it go.

manateehugger · April 2014

So wait, does she know she picked the same style?

Regardless, there's only so many ways to do a half-up style and most people pick from the same 20 pictures on Pinterest. It will not matter at all.

JCbride2015 · April 2014

Especially because your hair colors are different, I don't think anybody will notice. And half up, curled, is a very common hairstyle. It's not like you're having a complicated braided halo or something else unique, and she copied it from you. She just happens to have the same taste.

I wouldn't say anything to her. Nobody will notice.

SBmini · April 2014

PDKH said:

So wait, does she know she picked the same style? Regardless, there's only so many ways to do a half-up style and most people pick from the same 20 pictures on Pinterest. It will not matter at all.

Yes, I'm pretty sure she knows it's the same style, she saw me after my hair and make up trial.

jaime232 · April 2014

In my opinion, I can't remember any bridesmaids' hair from any wedding I've ever attended (except mine last year)... I do remember brides' hairstyles though. I just think that in general we tend to overestimate how much people will notice details like that.

manateehugger · April 2014

Also, I don't know about you, but I've never had hair come out exactly like the picture. Hair texture makes a huge difference.

Couggal12 · April 2014

Eh, I probably would be like whatever but, in the end does it really matter? I have super thick hair so I prefer to wear my hair down for my wedding. I wouldn't care if a BM did the same...in the end you won't remember in 5-10 years.

AddieCake · April 2014

I would never in a million years notice if a bridesmaid had the same hairstyle as the bride.

pinkshorts27 · April 2014

As a guest: I would not notice.

As a bride: I would not care.

As a bridesmaid: I would want to know so I can change it, though I probably wouldn't have remembered from the trial (I just don't pay attention to other hairstyles).

So in your situation I would say something like: "Oh my goodness, this is too funny. We are going to match because I totally am doing the same hair style! Way cool!" and sound super excited and then leave it be. If she wants to change, she can. At least now she knows

phira · April 2014

Maybe add a cute hair piece to yours?

lyndausvi · April 2014

I prefer my hair half up half down. I really don't care what others think. that is how I'm the most comfortable.

Point is, maybe 1-2 people might notice the hair is the same half/up/half down style, , but the fast majority of us are not going to notice and will just notice that everyone looks amazingly comfortable.

SBmini · April 2014

Well, I just mentioned to her that my hair was similar but I didn't tell her to change anything. We'll see what she decides day of.

Angusaur · April 2014

IMO You're being way too knitpicky. You will be the bride, the one at the alter in the white dress. She'll be one of the BMs off to the left in the BM dress. Nobody will notice.

larrygaga · April 2014

I know everyone here says it doesn't matter and they wouldn't care, but I'll tell you that I would be annoyed too. I always want to look completely different from everyone else, so if someone copies me at any time I usually get annoyed. Especially if someone copies me when I'm the bride.

Don't say anything, though. Show her how you are going to do your hair, and then leave it be.

EDIT: I didn't realize it was a half-up do. There aren't many ways to vary that one.

[Deleted User] · April 2014

larrygaga said:

I know everyone here says it doesn't matter and they wouldn't care, but I'll tell you that I would be annoyed too. I always want to look completely different from everyone else, so if someone copies me at any time I usually get annoyed. Especially if someone copies me when I'm the bride.

Don't say anything, though. Show her how you are going to do your hair, and then leave it be.

Pretty much this. I would probably be a little annoyed but really when it comes down to it, it's not worth bringing up.

lyndausvi · April 2014

larrygaga said:

I know everyone here says it doesn't matter and they wouldn't care, but I'll tell you that I would be annoyed too. I always want to look completely different from everyone else, so if someone copies me at any time I usually get annoyed. Especially if someone copies me when I'm the bride.

Don't say anything, though. Show her how you are going to do your hair, and then leave it be.

Is it just the BMs or everyone? Because pretty much every event I go to I have my hair 1/2 up -1/2 down. I have another friend who always seem to have her hair up in a french twist. It's her style. Another friend always wears her hair down.

I guess my point is there are only so many hair styles to go around. It seems a little ridiculous to get annoyed that another woman choose to wear their hair in a similar style. It's bad enough we have to worry about our outfits, now we have worry about having the a similar hair style? Where does it end? As a woman do I have inquire with the bride on their nail color so I don't pick something similar? What about hair color?

Sometimes I wish I was a guy. My husband doesn't have to worry if his hair style is similar to the groom's.

singinchick13 · April 2014

I personally would be upset as well. That is my favourite hairstyle too, and most of my friends NEVER wear their hair that way so it would be weird if they decided to for the wedding.

I think if you are paying the same hairstylist and your friend is deadset on having this style, make sure the stylist knows to make yours more extravagant than hers is. If she's your friend, though, and knows you she would likely know that this wouldn't make you happy so she should happily change her style, but who knows.

JennyColada · April 2014

I'm super easy going, both as a bride and as an individual.

I've never been a BM, but I'd probably be a bit tiffed if I was this girl and if you said something to me about my choice. I mean, if you wanted to set boundaries for what styles are acceptable then let them know that. But I'd be kind of annoyed and hurt for the situation to be like "pick what you want!" *picks* "Not that, pick again."

It just feels petty to me, and that would be hurtful.

monkeysip · April 2014

JCBride2014 said:

Especially because your hair colors are different, I don't think anybody will notice. And half up, curled, is a very common hairstyle. It's not like you're having a complicated braided halo or something else unique, and she copied it from you. She just happens to have the same taste.

I wouldn't say anything to her. Nobody will notice.

This exactly. I would be annoyed if I had a really different, complicated hairstyle and MOH wanted the same... but this is relatively common, and it will look different because you have different hair colors, and I'm sure at least little differences in texture/length.

bride2b71614 · April 2014

I am in the camp with all PPs that think its not a big deal. During a ceremony (which is usually when the bridal party is featured most), my main focal point is on the bride and groom. The bridal party pretty much fades into the background. I believe that many people have this same mindset, so I highly doubt that a guest would come up to you and your BM and say OMG YOUR HAIRSTYLES MATCH THATS SO WEIRD! If that were to happen, I think would look at my BM and enthusiastically say "twinsies" and high five her. After that exchange, I would probably be concerned about having large of a gap between my ceremony and cocktail hour due to the guest having so much time on their hands to even care about/notice our matching hairstyles.

That aside, you allowed for your BMs to choose their hairstyle. To be fair, half up half down is an extremely common hair style, and its a tad childish to call dibs on a hairstyle (even if its your wedding). If you still feel uncomfortable with the fact that she may wear the same hairstyle on the day of, I like the suggestion that @phira made of adding a decorative piece such as a comb, veil, or stylish headband in order to feel more distinguishable from your BM (PS you really won't have to do this because the focus is on you already).

AddieCake · April 2014

Yeah....half up, half down isn't exactly unique. Some of the guests will probably have that style, too.

beachyone15 · April 2014

I wouldn't worry about that at all...now when your FMIL wants to wear white to your wedding (like mine does) THEN we can talk!

ElcaB · April 2014

I understand your anxiety about this and think I'd feel similarly, but I think it'd be kind of rude to say something about it.

FiancB · April 2014

Yeahhhh I think you need to chill. You'll have different hair colors and different dresses and nobody is going to notice. Hair never turns out exactly like the picture anyway like someone else said. It's a pretty basic hairstyle and I'd be more understanding if it was a certain updo, but saying no one else can have half-up half-down hair is a bit like saying no one else can have bangs.

SBmini · April 2014

Well thanks for bringing me back down to earth, even though I disagree with some of you on basic sentiments. It's different if a guest has a similar hair style because the guests didn't see what I was going to do. And bangs aren't a temporary style- they are a longstanding choice. So those aren't fair comparisons.

I did not ask her to change her style.

huskypuppy14 · April 2014

My sister had half up and half down and curled for her wedding, and so did I as the MOH. We have similar hair and it looks best half up and half down. That's pretty much how I wear my hair for fancy events anyway. If she told me I couldn't do half up, I wouldn't know what to do.

Now, they were a little different, mine was a little more messy looking, and she had a veil, so no one was confused. I think it's not a big deal at all. If you wanted a braided twist and she wanted the same thing, then yeah I could see you being slightly peeved.

lc07 · April 2014

I'm not trying to be a jerk; I'm being serious. I really don't understand what the concern is with both of you having your hair styled half up/half down?

PrettyGirlLost · April 2014

SBmini said:

Please- tell me if I'm being a bridezilla for being a little peeved by this.

I've been pretty easy going with my girls and what they wear to the wedding. I just asked my wedding party to send me their hair styles so the stylist I've hired can properly gauge the time needed. So my MOH replies right away by telling me she wants it half up, half down and curled, and sends me a photo... it is exactly what I'm doing for my hair.

I'm not sure how to manage. She's brunette, I'm blonde, so we won't look exactly a like. But is it OK for me to want to tell her that she can do anything but that? Or am I out of line to dictate what she can or cannot do with her hair? Not sure if it makes any difference, but I'm paying for hair and makeup for all of the girls.

That's a pretty standard style for weddings, going out, etc. I bet some of your guests will style their hair the same way.

I presume that on top of different hair colors you both have different hair lengths, textures, and will be wearing different hair accessories, so your hair styles won't really be all that similar when all is said and done.

No one will be paying too much attention to your BM's anyways, let alone their hair styles.

XP: MOH wants to do her hair exactly the same way as me

Re: XP: MOH wants to do her hair exactly the same way as me

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