So, this may draw a lot of agro, but the only one that bothers me is the honeymoon fund thing. I'd rather give the couple money in hopes they would spend it on things for their new life together (even contributing to a dream house fund sits better with me). I don't see the big deal in being upset about other things. It's not my wedding. On my day, I'll do what I want, and my guests should be happy for me and happy that they were invited. That's how I feel when I go to friends' weddings. I especially don't know why people get upset about the cash bar. Alcohol is expensive! If I want to drink, I'll pay. If I don't want to drink, I won't pay, and I'll STILL have a great time. Why? Because I'm celebrating the sacred union of a couple.
So, this may draw a lot of agro, but the only one that bothers me is the honeymoon fund thing. I'd rather give the couple money in hopes they would spend it on things for their new life together (even contributing to a dream house fund sits better with me). I don't see the big deal in being upset about other things. It's not my wedding. On my day, I'll do what I want, and my guests should be happy for me and happy that they were invited. That's how I feel when I go to friends' weddings. I especially don't know why people get upset about the cash bar. Alcohol is expensive! If I want to drink, I'll pay. If I don't want to drink, I won't pay, and I'll STILL have a great time. Why? Because I'm celebrating the sacred union of a couple.
The cash bar distinguishes between guests, which is rude. See my example linked and written previously.
In all honesty...If you are a true friend to someone then yes, you will respect their relationship, if you know your guests, then yes you WILL KNOW what to do to help your guests feel at ease...the point I'm trying to make is that making people happy is a tough thing... I don't care what you do... there will always be one person that will walk away with a mouth full of complaints. I mean, you're planning/planned a wedding...let one of your guests call you up a week or two and tell you they just got into a relationship, would you honestly invite them? Let's put all the etiquette stuff to the side, and the who knows better (because I don't care who wins the conversation)..and be honest...no one here checks off the etiquette rules checklist the DAY OF their wedding...whatever happens, happens...
The only thing that annoys me is an unorganized wedding! Guests are kinda left to do their own thing while photos are being taken, where to be and when if the venue is large, etc.
I am quite surprised to see so many people dissing the cash bar. At least alcohol is there, right? We are providing two drinks and then the rest is on our guests' dime. I have a hard time paying for someone to get drunk. My fiance and I are paying for he whole wedding so we need to draw a line somewhere. (I have two drinks a year, if that, so it's hard for me to pay and there is the feeling of responsiblity if anything were to happen on my guests' drive home.)
In all honesty...If you are a true friend to someone then yes, you will respect their relationship, if you know your guests, then yes you WILL KNOW what to do to help your guests feel at ease...the point I'm trying to make is that making people happy is a tough thing... I don't care what you do... there will always be one person that will walk away with a mouth full of complaints. I mean, you're planning/planned a wedding...let one of your guests call you up a week or two and tell you they just got into a relationship, would you honestly invite them? Let's put all the etiquette stuff to the side, and the who knows better (because I don't care who wins the conversation)..and be honest...no one here checks off the etiquette rules checklist the DAY OF their wedding...whatever happens, happens...
Before sending out save the dates I contacted every potential guest and asked if they were seeing someone. I will do the same to my non-married/engaged guests before sending out invites (since I know the married and engaged guests). I will make sure that everything else follows etiquette. If there is a tip jar out that I see, it will be put away. If they are allowing people to buy hard alcohol my DOC will be having a very loud conversation with me and/or my father in the private bathroom (away from guests) and that will be ended. I don't know anything that I could do to not follow etiquette that I didn't already plan for and my wedding isn't until December.
The only thing that annoys me is an unorganized wedding! Guests are kinda left to do their own thing while photos are being taken, where to be and when if the venue is large, etc.
I am quite surprised to see so many people dissing the cash bar. At least alcohol is there, right? We are providing two drinks and then the rest is on our guests' dime. I have a hard time paying for someone to get drunk. My fiance and I are paying for he whole wedding so we need to draw a line somewhere. (I have two drinks a year, if that, so it's hard for me to pay and there is the feeling of responsiblity if anything were to happen on my guests' drive home.)
Wrong. None of it should ever be on your guests' dime. First, providing a cash bar will do nothing to stop drunkenness, and second, your guests should never be expected to open their wallets-for anything. If you want to prevent people from getting drunk at your wedding, have a dry wedding-but never expect your guests to pay for drinks.
In all honesty...If you are a true friend to someone then yes, you will respect their relationship, if you know your guests, then yes you WILL KNOW what to do to help your guests feel at ease...the point I'm trying to make is that making people happy is a tough thing... I don't care what you do... there will always be one person that will walk away with a mouth full of complaints. I mean, you're planning/planned a wedding...let one of your guests call you up a week or two and tell you they just got into a relationship, would you honestly invite them? Let's put all the etiquette stuff to the side, and the who knows better (because I don't care who wins the conversation)..and be honest...no one here checks off the etiquette rules checklist the DAY OF their wedding...whatever happens, happens...
If you read and listen to what the majority of poster's here are saying, it's actually NOT tough to make ppl happy. All people are saying that they want is
To be invited with their SO A place to sit Food appropriate to the time of day of the reception Something to drink w/o having to pay for it- doesn't have to be alcohol.
Are people possibly going to be pains in the asses because they might not like the food you are serving? Sure, but at that point it is on THEM- They are the ones being rude if they openly bitch about it.
From an etiquette standpoint, if you make an attempt to see who is in a relationship before the invites go out, and you don't give truly single guests a Plus 1, you are not obligated to invite the SO's of people who began dating someone after those invites went out. But ppl here will strongly suggest having a buffer in your budget and venue for all single guests in case the scenario you just asked about actually comes up.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
None of it is a big deal to me. If it were then I'd send my sincere regrets and not attend. The celebration isn't about me anyway, so for all those who complain, the best option is to go find something else to do that weekend.
I don't really understand why guests would get offended at most of the things on this board. It's not your wedding! It's not your day! Yes, there are certain things you should do or provide as a host, such as inviting SO's, making sure there's enough food for the guests, etc. But everyone's situation is different. Isn't the whole point of a wedding for you to share your new commitment and new life together with friends and family? So if they're doing that, who cares about anything else! Why do you feel like you need to be provided with certain things, or certain knowledge, just because you're invited to a party? The day should be about the bride and groom, not about you and how much you like the party. I'm sure there are some blatantly rude things hosts do, but usually people try hard to please everyone, and it's impossible, namely because of the stupid rules everyone has.
I've been to 3 "PPD's" (which, btw, I had no idea was an actual thing until I came to The Knot. Why do you feel like you deserve or need to be at the "real" exchanging of vows?) 1. The bride's lease was up and so the logical option was to move in w/ the fiance. But she wanted to be legally married first. The options were to have a very small (like ,5 ppl) ceremony first, move in prematurely which went against her personal morals (which are hers to decide and hers alone), or to be homeless until the reception. 2. Couple wanted to do a destination wedding, but realized most people can't afford the trip. But they also wanted to have a celebration with their friends and family, so they had a later reception. What's wrong with wanting to host a party? 3. Couple married legally because one spouse was an immigrant and needed work authorization. Working allowed him to earn/save money for the wedding. Boom.
I've also heard of a couple who did a potluck wedding because they're dirt poor. Are you really going to judge a couple for wanting to celebrate their union but are too poor to provide a full party? Who is anyone to judge how a couple chooses to express their love? For most, they're paying for you to enjoy yourself, so do that. I am always grateful that I'm close enough with someone to be invited to the wedding, that they want to share that with me, even if I'm on the B list. I know someone who doesn't write the check for the gift until after cocktail hour, to make sure there's "nothing fishy" about the wedding. Really? The stress and expectations are hard enough to deal with planning an
event like that, as I'm sure everyone here can understand, so back off
when it comes to someone else's day.
ACTIONS.
HAVE
CONSEQUENCES.
In all of your examples, the B/G wanted to have their cake and eat it, too.
None of those reasons are bad reasons for having a wedding -- but ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES.
If your personal morals prohibit pre-marital co-habitation, then fine. But if your action is that you can't time your wedding to coincide with your lease's expiration, the the consequence is you have a small, private, JOP wedding, you're married, and that's it.
If your action is to want to have a DW, then the consequence is that not everyone will be able to attend and you'll have to accept that.
If your action is to get married to get your SO a visa or green card, then the consequence is that you don't get the big wedding because you had to do it on a budget in a shortened time-frame.
You are conflating the act of marriage -- a legal state recognised by the government which confers upon the parties inalienable rights and privileges -- with Hollywood's idea of a wedding -- a state in which you wear a big, pretty dress and everyone fawns all over you for a day.
They are not the same thing. Like, at all. A wedding ceremony is only, by definition, the ceremony in which you are legally united in matrimony. You need you, your FI, an officiant, a licence, and probably witnesses. Nothing more.
If you want the big, fancy wedding, that's fine -- many of us on these boards had those or are currently planning them -- but with that desire comes the implied social contract that you will host people appropriately for your wedding.
Also, having an AHR (at-home reception; a party with no trappings of a wedding that's just to celebrate the recent marriage) isn't against etiquette.
I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
Pardon my language but short of doing something illegal, I don't give a shit what you're doing/not doing at your wedding. If I'm your friend or family member, I'll be there and without judgement. Don't know my fiance and didn't invite him? I'll fly solo and dance the night away alone. Cash bar? No worries I don't drink. B listed? Thanks for inviting me at all! No vegetarian food? I'm sure there's a great restaurant I can hit up before or after.
Do what makes you happy and comfortable. If that's pleasing your friends, strike up a conversation and ask their opinion, not some etiquette book. I'm surprised at some people's replies. It makes me so grateful to have the family and friends that I do.
@pinkshorts27 and @prettygirllost
You both must've have the most etiquette correct weddings planned... I never said I didn't have any of those things for my wedding... I budgeted for everything... But I did it because it's what I WANTED not what the guests should want... I just don't think other people should be bashed for not being able to do the etiquette correct thing to do... If you live to please the world you will die doing just that... What should I tell people who can't check off things in their etiquette rule book ... Don't get married?
@pinkshorts27 and @prettygirllost
You both must've have the most etiquette correct weddings planned... I never said I didn't have any of those things for my wedding... I budgeted for everything... But I did it because it's what I WANTED not what the guests should want... I just don't think other people should be bashed for not being able to do the etiquette correct thing to do... If you live to please the world you will die doing just that... What should I tell people who can't check off things in their etiquette rule book ... Don't get married?
Nope, I'm sure there are minor things I will screw up. . . but I'm here to make sure I don't seriously fuck something up.
ALL BRIDES SHOULD WANT TO HOST THEIR GUESTS PROPERLY!
Why in the hell wouldn't anyone, as a decent human being want to make every effort to ensure their family and friends are hosted properly? And it's not that hard to pull off- which is what @pinkshorts27 and others have been trying to explain to you in their other posts by giving their experiences ><
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
It's really depressing to see that weddings have gone from being a celebration of a couple's marriage, an opportunity to support them and congratulate them on their new life together... And turned into an opportunity for entitled, bitchy guests to complain about every last detail that doesn't meet their expectations.
Keep this in mind: this is the bride and groom's day to be treated like royalty and showered with love and support by all those who are close to them. It is NOT an opportunity for guests to be treated to dinner and entertained for five or more hours on the new (probably kind of broke) couple's dime.
If you don't approve of the way the couple is planning their celebration, you have two choices: suck it up and be nice because you love them, or stay out of it. By showing up and complaining or walking out or otherwise making a scene, you are helping ruin their special day, and your etiquette is worse than theirs.
Rant over, thanks.
I could not agree more! the wedding is about celebrating the couple and they marriage. the bride and groom will provide what they can. and honestly if any of my guests wanted to act this entitled then i would be happy they didn't attend! i am shocked and appalled by the responses on here!
Of course they want to have their cake and eat it, too. It's a wedding! There's cake at weddings! What's the point of having cake and NOT eating it?
So in order to be able to live and work freely in this country, you HAVE to have a small wedding? Says who?!?! If you want to pay for two weddings (one being the DW, or JOP ceremony), then why the heck can't you have 2? It's not like they're asking for double gifts from all the guests. What if they have a small wedding and then a big one for an anniversary? Are people not allowed to have anniversary parties? Since when do you decide what kind of parties other people are allowed to have and when and with whom?
If getting married in Rome was really important to my BFF but I couldn't afford the trip, I would be really upset that I couldn't celebrate with her, but understand that Rome is important to her for HER wedding. I would then be thrilled and honored to be invited to a later reception that they're providing, because I'm not a snotty little brat who feels like I need be privy to every detail of everyone's personal lives.
You admit that the actual marriage ceremony and the fancy reception are
not one and the same, but yet, people aren't allowed to separate them??? How does that makes sense? Of course there are certain things a host should do for ANY party, as I said, like provide food, but some of the stuff that people talk about on this board are just so incredibly selfish and disgusting.
This is the part I don't understand...personally, I care how my friends and family perceive me. Yes weddings are expensive, but I would rather have an intimate wedding for 30 people properly hosted than a huge blow out where 150 people have to pay for drinks and leave their loved ones at home. Both could potentially cost the same thing, but being an adult, I chose to make hard decisions.
I could have had a $50K wedding, full blown, convention centre, decorated ballrooms with grand flower arrangements and all the wedding industry bullshit...but you know what? I CAN'T FATHOM SPENDING THAT KIND OF MONEY ON ONE FREAKING DAY. Instead, we chose to get married in our backyard with 24 other people for a whopping total of $5K. My guests will not have to open their wallets for anything. I have chosen to have a properly hosted wedding within a specific budget by having a smaller guest list and making choices.
I'm sorry that the wedding industry and celebrities are making you feel pressured to have big blow out fancy weddings, but I promise you...it's not a requirement. The important thing is to marry your best friend and celebrate with those who love you most...respect their time, their love for you, and conduct yourselves accordingly.
Yes, it's the couples wedding, but once you invite other people it stops being all about you. Want it all about you? go to the courthouse...
Let's start with etiquette in the fact that cursing is no where in there... Another thing is I never said it was hard to pull off, but in reading other posts not yours ... I saw how picky peoples expectations were... That's where I disagreed ... I have manners and common sense in which I will use in planning my wedding. What I've been trying to say is that I don't agree with ALL the etiquette rules in which I think I am as well as you all are entitled to do. So stop posting against everything I put because I'm pretty sure it's not out of this world the things I am posting
@prettygirllost
Let's start with etiquette in the fact that cursing is no where in there... Another thing is I never said it was hard to pull off, but in reading other posts not yours ... I saw how picky peoples expectations were... That's where I disagreed ... I have manners and common sense in which I will use in planning my wedding. What I've been trying to say is that I don't agree with ALL the etiquette rules in which I think I am as well as you all are entitled to do. So stop posting against everything I put because I'm pretty sure it's not out of this world the things I am posting
Swearing has nothing to do with wedding etiquette.
This is the wedding etiquette board, so if you are posting things that are against etiquette, people are going to disagree with you and they are going to post about it. You can have your opinion, but people here try to educate others on what is correct etiquette and why.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
My biggest pet peeves were all scratched at the last wedding I was invited to (for my cousin).
My fiance and I have been together for almost 4 years and we have our own house but for SOME REASON, they sent a mass invite to my parents, sister (who also has a fiance with their own house), and I to my parents. They didn't put our fiances on the invite and did not send us our own invites.
So I didn't even know I was invited because my parents are horrible at sharing info.
ALSO, the wedding is going to be 5 states away, and will strictly only serve tea and hors deourves.
So to sum that up:
1) Not inviting serious significant others
2) Sending a mass invite for people that reside at different addresses
3) Asking people to come from miles and miles away and only serve tea and snacks and be surprised when no one comes.
Right, but it is based on opinion, I'm not forcing anyone to listen to what I have to say. I have my opinions on some of it. I do agree with a lot of it... It's just becoming a little hostile when I don't agree with others here
Weddings R Expensive is not an excuse to be rude when you then turn around and choose to buy a $2000 dress, a $5000 photographer, a very pricey reception venue, etc.
You can choose to spend that money on those things, but you don't get to blow your budget on superficial things and then whine that weddings are expensive so that is why you can't afford to pay for your guests' alcohol or their SO's to be with them, etc.
It's not a matter of being disrespectful...it is their day...if they want to spend that money, then that's on them... It is rude...but it's still their day (and their money!). I mean really... a plate of food is ridiculously priced... and half of it doesn't even taste good...but does this all really matter??? A wedding is a celebration of a new step in the couple's lives... If the couple wants to invite their co-worker that just asked some girl to be his girlfriend a couple of months earlier, the couple should not have to re-adjust their wedding budget to fit in a person that they have never met much less their own co-worker just started dating. Let's be real... this is not a free food event. If you are truly there for the couple you go and your happy...people will survive without their gf and bf for ONE 4-5 hour night. I totally get it if your friends have put a ring on it... then yes...it's only right...but too technical!
YES, it fucking matters. If you invite people to share your wedding with you, you are making a commitment to hosting them properly. Things that are required to host your guests properly: - not having unhosted time between hosted events (i.e. gaps) - having enough chairs for every guest - having appropriate food and beverage for the time of your event (ceremony + reception) - something to eat and something to drink, which can be as simple as cake and punch if it's not at a meal time (e.g. 2-5 pm) - not asking your guests to pull out their wallets for anything - not asking your guests for money (dollar dance, wishing well, honeymoon registry, etc) - inviting ALL PARTS of a social unit. ALL COUPLES need to be invited, regardless of whether or not you like the SO or whether or not you've met the SO.
Once you invite other people, their comfort and needs need to be put first. Your FIRST concern as a host should be your guests, not yourself. If you don't want to act like a proper host, don't invite anyone.
Newbies, newsflash for you: the ceremony is all about you and your FI (though again, if you invite other people, you need to treat them properly by having enough chairs and so on). The reception, however, is not a party honoring yourself. It's a thank you for your guests, to thank them for attending your ceremony and coming to celebrate with you. It's where you receive your guests for the first time as a married couple - hence the name - and host them appropriately. You should keep this in mind when planning your reception.
Right, but it is based on opinion, I'm not forcing anyone to listen to what I have to say. I have my opinions on some of it. I do agree with a lot of it... It's just becoming a little hostile when I don't agree with others here
Again, not sure who you are referencing here...but etiquette isn't exactly a topic for discussion. It's fairly black and white. If you want to properly host your guests, you do certain things.
Don't like etiquette? Don't come to the etiquette board...I hear WW is looking for newbs
Wow, snarky much? "If you invite me to your wedding with my DH, don't have a gap, and don't have us come after dinner I will most likely show up and play nice."
@KempKristoff - First - I see the art of sarcasm is lost on you
Second, if you are going to quote me, put your big girl panties on and quote me IN CONTEXT. Here is what I REALLY said in my post:
I am trying to become a less judgy person of others so I will overlook quite a bit. What I learned from the last wedding (which was the biggest cluster I have ever attended) is sometimes there is someone there who needs a little moral support. This was my BFF's DD's wedding and my BFF was a wreck because she was cut out of the planning (controlling groom who made things into a "my church" vs "your parents church" kinda deal). They came to her 10 days before the wedding with the biggest cluster you can imagine and not all of it was fixable. BFF needed a little moral support.
Anyhoo - I will not attend if you don't invite DH. If you choose a huge gap it is my choice which portion I attend (I won't wait around for 3 hours) and if I choose your reception I will have zero guilt about that.
I have probably attended more cash bars than open bars and I only remember maybe 3 or 4 weddings that did NOT have the dollar dance so I wouldn't walk out because of that. The cash bar wedding where I paid for my Diet Coke was also the one with the 3 hour gap. I was not a happy camper for that one at all. It was a 400 person reception.
I will not take part in your honeymoon registry or your cash grab. If I l attend your wedding, I will give you whatever gift I feel is best (I usually give cash anyway). My gift, my choice.
If you invite me to the "dance part" of your reception you won't see me there. That really doesn't happen around here anyway.
It is very important to me that we do our kids wedding correctly and so far so good. I am trying to keep in mind that people don't know what they don't know and if they don't know proper etiquette that will show in their weddings. It isn't full of malice if they just don't know what they should be doing. If you invite me to your wedding with my DH, don't have a gap, and don't have us come after dinner I will most likely show up and play nice.
Dude read my posts again... I never disagreed with those things... I think mainly the one thing I disagree with is expecting to invite people you don't know... It's like a slaughter house for disagreeing... Yeah I do appreciate etiquette... But I CAN disagree... I have that right... Just as many have posted their nasty comments about weddings they've gone to... I can post my non-hasty comments, that's what a DISCUSSION BOARD is for...
@lday2014 Thanks for the suggestion... But again I have a right to disagree and make for some discussion... Yikes
How is not inviting a SO bad etiquette? I would get if you're married a married couple should always be invited as a couple, but I have many friends that have SOs that I've never met or they have only been together for a little while.... I'm sorry but when a wedding gets close to $200 per person I'm not inviting your bf of 3 months or someone I've never met.... Sorry don't think it's rude. It's rude for guests who don't understand that
This is what I get for not checking TK for most of the afternoon!
HELLO NEW PEOPLE and welcome to the boards.
The purpose of this thread is to talk about which etiquette breaches are ones that each of us individually considers to be deal-breakers.
I've spent a lot of time on the board with many of these fine people, and often, we disagree on things. For example: I don't mind electronic invitations, while a lot of people find them inappropriately casual. Others find them downright rude, since many people do not check email frequently or have consistent email access. Meanwhile, I'll decline a wedding invitation if my partner is not invited with me, while many folks on here would still go. Each of us has a different set of deal-breakers, and that's what the purpose of this thread is. We're not all going to agree.
However, here's what the majority of regulars do agree on:
- Once you invite people to your event, you need to host your event properly. There are plenty of wedding details that are no one's business but your own. You can choose whatever outfits you want to wear. You can have whatever invitations you'd like. You can serve your favorite food. You can forgo dancing and have board games instead. Whatever floats your boat! But there are basic ways to be a good host, like making sure there are chairs for everyone, making sure there's food for everyone, and ensuring that your guests don't have to open their wallets.
- If you insist that a TRUE friend/family member who really LOVES the couple will be HONORED to attend the couple's wedding, and wouldn't CARE if their significant other wasn't invited/they had to pay for alcoholic (or even all) beverages/there was a 3 hour gap where they had nothing to do while the couple took hours of photos ... I will insist that if you TRULY loved and cared about your guests, you'd bother to host them properly.
- Are you on a budget? We're happy to help you brainstorm ways to have a great wedding on your budget. However, you are not entitled to a 150-person wedding with a plated meal, a $5000 wedding dress, and your dream honeymoon. Many of us don't have the money to have our dream wedding, so instead, we're having a great wedding that fits our budget. We're also still able to invite significant others, and we're able to provide our guests with food and drink without asking them to pay for it.
- Are we being rude? You can't read tone on the internet. Additionally, I've found that a lot of people who say, "You're being rude!" follow up with, at the very least, really rude posts. Sometimes, people end up getting banned for violating the TOS as they call out people for rudeness. If you're new to the community, that's fine--we're all new at some point--but take the time to lurk before you post, and try to remember that on the internet, it's very easy to take things personally.
- Finally, like I've said, people disagree here all the time. But we don't hold it against each other. There are people on these boards--hell, even in this thread!--who have disagreed with me from time to time. And that's FINE. Tempers flare sometimes, and then everything settles. We try not to take, "I disagree with your opinions!" to mean, "You are a bad human being!" The boards are not a hive mind; we don't assimilate people and make them believe exactly the same thing. We still get along, though, because, contrary to the belief of a lot of new posters in this thread, we're not rude to each other.
How is not inviting a SO bad etiquette? I would get if you're married a married couple should always be invited as a couple, but I have many friends that have SOs that I've never met or they have only been together for a little while.... I'm sorry but when a wedding gets close to $200 per person I'm not inviting your bf of 3 months or someone I've never met.... Sorry don't think it's rude. It's rude for guests who don't understand that
I answered your question a few pages back, here it is again:
from Miss Manners Guide to a Surprisingly Dignified Wedding:
"I can't copy and paste but this is from page 152 from Miss Manners guide to a surprisingly dignified wedding:
"Miss Manners is all for inviting couple wedding guests as couples - indeed, there is a new rudeness, which she is trying to stamp out, of inviting only half of an established couple Those who are married, engaged, or otherwise firmly attached must be asked in tandem to social events (as opposed to office gatherings, which are still office gatherings, no matter how many drinks are served). This is not the same as being expected to surrender control of a guest list to the guests themselves."
Re: What are your etiquette deal breakers?
To be invited with their SO
A place to sit
Food appropriate to the time of day of the reception
Something to drink w/o having to pay for it- doesn't have to be alcohol.
Are people possibly going to be pains in the asses because they might not like the food you are serving? Sure, but at that point it is on THEM- They are the ones being rude if they openly bitch about it.
From an etiquette standpoint, if you make an attempt to see who is in a relationship before the invites go out, and you don't give truly single guests a Plus 1, you are not obligated to invite the SO's of people who began dating someone after those invites went out. But ppl here will strongly suggest having a buffer in your budget and venue for all single guests in case the scenario you just asked about actually comes up.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
If your personal morals prohibit pre-marital co-habitation, then fine. But if your action is that you can't time your wedding to coincide with your lease's expiration, the the consequence is you have a small, private, JOP wedding, you're married, and that's it.
Do what makes you happy and comfortable. If that's pleasing your friends, strike up a conversation and ask their opinion, not some etiquette book. I'm surprised at some people's replies. It makes me so grateful to have the family and friends that I do.
ALL BRIDES SHOULD WANT TO HOST THEIR GUESTS PROPERLY!
Why in the hell wouldn't anyone, as a decent human being want to make every effort to ensure their family and friends are hosted properly? And it's not that hard to pull off- which is what @pinkshorts27 and others have been trying to explain to you in their other posts by giving their experiences ><
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
Of course they want to have their cake and eat it, too. It's a wedding! There's cake at weddings! What's the point of having cake and NOT eating it?
So in order to be able to live and work freely in this country, you HAVE to have a small wedding? Says who?!?! If you want to pay for two weddings (one being the DW, or JOP ceremony), then why the heck can't you have 2? It's not like they're asking for double gifts from all the guests. What if they have a small wedding and then a big one for an anniversary? Are people not allowed to have anniversary parties? Since when do you decide what kind of parties other people are allowed to have and when and with whom?
If getting married in Rome was really important to my BFF but I couldn't afford the trip, I would be really upset that I couldn't celebrate with her, but understand that Rome is important to her for HER wedding. I would then be thrilled and honored to be invited to a later reception that they're providing, because I'm not a snotty little brat who feels like I need be privy to every detail of everyone's personal lives.
You admit that the actual marriage ceremony and the fancy reception are not one and the same, but yet, people aren't allowed to separate them??? How does that makes sense? Of course there are certain things a host should do for ANY party, as I said, like provide food, but some of the stuff that people talk about on this board are just so incredibly selfish and disgusting.
Let's start with etiquette in the fact that cursing is no where in there... Another thing is I never said it was hard to pull off, but in reading other posts not yours ... I saw how picky peoples expectations were... That's where I disagreed ... I have manners and common sense in which I will use in planning my wedding. What I've been trying to say is that I don't agree with ALL the etiquette rules in which I think I am as well as you all are entitled to do. So stop posting against everything I put because I'm pretty sure it's not out of this world the things I am posting
This is the wedding etiquette board, so if you are posting things that are against etiquette, people are going to disagree with you and they are going to post about it. You can have your opinion, but people here try to educate others on what is correct etiquette and why.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
- not having unhosted time between hosted events (i.e. gaps)
- having enough chairs for every guest
- having appropriate food and beverage for the time of your event (ceremony + reception) - something to eat and something to drink, which can be as simple as cake and punch if it's not at a meal time (e.g. 2-5 pm)
- not asking your guests to pull out their wallets for anything
- not asking your guests for money (dollar dance, wishing well, honeymoon registry, etc)
- inviting ALL PARTS of a social unit. ALL COUPLES need to be invited, regardless of whether or not you like the SO or whether or not you've met the SO.
Once you invite other people, their comfort and needs need to be put first. Your FIRST concern as a host should be your guests, not yourself. If you don't want to act like a proper host, don't invite anyone.
Newbies, newsflash for you: the ceremony is all about you and your FI (though again, if you invite other people, you need to treat them properly by having enough chairs and so on). The reception, however, is not a party honoring yourself. It's a thank you for your guests, to thank them for attending your ceremony and coming to celebrate with you. It's where you receive your guests for the first time as a married couple - hence the name - and host them appropriately. You should keep this in mind when planning your reception.
Dude read my posts again... I never disagreed with those things... I think mainly the one thing I disagree with is expecting to invite people you don't know... It's like a slaughter house for disagreeing... Yeah I do appreciate etiquette... But I CAN disagree... I have that right... Just as many have posted their nasty comments about weddings they've gone to... I can post my non-hasty comments, that's what a DISCUSSION BOARD is for...
@lday2014
Thanks for the suggestion... But again I have a right to disagree and make for some discussion... Yikes
Newbie= new to TK.