Wedding Etiquette Forum

What are your etiquette deal breakers?

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Re: What are your etiquette deal breakers?

  • So, this may draw a lot of agro, but the only one that bothers me is the honeymoon fund thing. I'd rather give the couple money in hopes they would spend it on things for their new life together (even contributing to a dream house fund sits better with me). I don't see the big deal in being upset about other things. It's not my wedding. On my day, I'll do what I want, and my guests should be happy for me and happy that they were invited. That's how I feel when I go to friends' weddings. I especially don't know why people get upset about the cash bar. Alcohol is expensive! If I want to drink, I'll pay. If I don't want to drink, I won't pay, and I'll STILL have a great time. Why? Because I'm celebrating the sacred union of a couple.
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  • So, this may draw a lot of agro, but the only one that bothers me is the honeymoon fund thing. I'd rather give the couple money in hopes they would spend it on things for their new life together (even contributing to a dream house fund sits better with me). I don't see the big deal in being upset about other things. It's not my wedding. On my day, I'll do what I want, and my guests should be happy for me and happy that they were invited. That's how I feel when I go to friends' weddings. I especially don't know why people get upset about the cash bar. Alcohol is expensive! If I want to drink, I'll pay. If I don't want to drink, I won't pay, and I'll STILL have a great time. Why? Because I'm celebrating the sacred union of a couple.
    The cash bar distinguishes between guests, which is rude. See my example linked and written previously. 

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  • PrettyGirlLost

    In all honesty...If you are a true friend to someone then yes, you will respect their relationship, if you know your guests, then yes you WILL KNOW what to do to help your guests feel at ease...the point I'm trying to make is that making people happy is a tough thing... I don't care what you do... there will always be one person that will walk away with a mouth full of complaints. I mean, you're planning/planned a wedding...let one of your guests call you up a week or two and tell you they just got into a relationship, would you honestly invite them? Let's put all the etiquette stuff to the side, and the who knows better (because I don't care who wins the conversation)..and be honest...no one here checks off the etiquette rules checklist the DAY OF their wedding...whatever happens, happens... 
  • The only thing that annoys me is an unorganized wedding!  Guests are kinda left to do their own thing while photos are being taken, where to be and when if the venue is large, etc.

    I am quite surprised to see so many people dissing the cash bar.  At least alcohol is there, right?  We are providing two drinks and then the rest is on our guests' dime.  I have a hard time paying for someone to get drunk.  My fiance and I are paying for he whole wedding so we need to draw a line somewhere.  (I have two drinks a year, if that, so it's hard for me to pay and there is the feeling of responsiblity if anything were to happen on my guests' drive home.)
  • PrettyGirlLost

    In all honesty...If you are a true friend to someone then yes, you will respect their relationship, if you know your guests, then yes you WILL KNOW what to do to help your guests feel at ease...the point I'm trying to make is that making people happy is a tough thing... I don't care what you do... there will always be one person that will walk away with a mouth full of complaints. I mean, you're planning/planned a wedding...let one of your guests call you up a week or two and tell you they just got into a relationship, would you honestly invite them? Let's put all the etiquette stuff to the side, and the who knows better (because I don't care who wins the conversation)..and be honest...no one here checks off the etiquette rules checklist the DAY OF their wedding...whatever happens, happens... 
    Before sending out save the dates I contacted every potential guest  and asked if they were seeing someone. I will do the same to my non-married/engaged guests before sending out invites (since I know the married and engaged guests). I will make sure that everything else follows etiquette. If there is a tip jar out that I see, it will be put away.  If they are allowing people to buy hard alcohol my DOC will be having a very loud conversation with me and/or my father in the private bathroom (away from guests) and that will be ended. I don't know anything that I could do to not follow etiquette that I didn't already plan for and my wedding isn't until December. 

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  • The only thing that annoys me is an unorganized wedding!  Guests are kinda left to do their own thing while photos are being taken, where to be and when if the venue is large, etc.

    I am quite surprised to see so many people dissing the cash bar.  At least alcohol is there, right?  We are providing two drinks and then the rest is on our guests' dime.  I have a hard time paying for someone to get drunk.  My fiance and I are paying for he whole wedding so we need to draw a line somewhere.  (I have two drinks a year, if that, so it's hard for me to pay and there is the feeling of responsiblity if anything were to happen on my guests' drive home.)
    Wrong.  None of it should ever be on your guests' dime.  First, providing a cash bar will do nothing to stop drunkenness, and second, your guests should never be expected to open their wallets-for anything.  If you want to prevent people from getting drunk at your wedding, have a dry wedding-but never expect your guests to pay for drinks.
  • PrettyGirlLost

    In all honesty...If you are a true friend to someone then yes, you will respect their relationship, if you know your guests, then yes you WILL KNOW what to do to help your guests feel at ease...the point I'm trying to make is that making people happy is a tough thing... I don't care what you do... there will always be one person that will walk away with a mouth full of complaints. I mean, you're planning/planned a wedding...let one of your guests call you up a week or two and tell you they just got into a relationship, would you honestly invite them? Let's put all the etiquette stuff to the side, and the who knows better (because I don't care who wins the conversation)..and be honest...no one here checks off the etiquette rules checklist the DAY OF their wedding...whatever happens, happens... 
    If you read and listen to what the majority of poster's here are saying, it's actually NOT tough to make ppl happy.  All people are saying that they want is

    To be invited with their SO
    A place to sit
    Food appropriate to the time of day of the reception
    Something to drink w/o having to pay for it- doesn't have to be alcohol.

    Are people possibly going to be pains in the asses because they might not like the food you are serving?  Sure, but at that point it is on THEM- They are the ones being rude if they openly bitch about it.


    From an etiquette standpoint, if you make an attempt to see who is in a relationship before the invites go out, and you don't give truly single guests a Plus 1, you are not obligated to invite the SO's of people who began dating someone after those invites went out.  But ppl here will strongly suggest having a buffer in your budget and venue for all single guests in case the scenario you just asked about actually comes up.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • edited April 2014
    None of it is a big deal to me. If it were then I'd send my sincere regrets and not attend. The celebration isn't about me anyway, so for all those who complain, the best option is to go find something else to do that weekend.
  • @pinkshorts27 and @prettygirllost You both must've have the most etiquette correct weddings planned... I never said I didn't have any of those things for my wedding... I budgeted for everything... But I did it because it's what I WANTED not what the guests should want... I just don't think other people should be bashed for not being able to do the etiquette correct thing to do... If you live to please the world you will die doing just that... What should I tell people who can't check off things in their etiquette rule book ... Don't get married?
  • Was this thread in the email or something?
  • Was this thread in the email or something?
    Unfortunately :(
  • It's really depressing to see that weddings have gone from being a celebration of a couple's marriage, an opportunity to support them and congratulate them on their new life together... And turned into an opportunity for entitled, bitchy guests to complain about every last detail that doesn't meet their expectations.

    Keep this in mind: this is the bride and groom's day to be treated like royalty and showered with love and support by all those who are close to them. It is NOT an opportunity for guests to be treated to dinner and entertained for five or more hours on the new (probably kind of broke) couple's dime.

    If you don't approve of the way the couple is planning their celebration, you have two choices: suck it up and be nice because you love them, or stay out of it. By showing up and complaining or walking out or otherwise making a scene, you are helping ruin their special day, and your etiquette is worse than theirs.

    Rant over, thanks.
    I could not agree more! the wedding is about celebrating the couple and they marriage. the bride and groom will provide what they can. and honestly if any of my guests wanted to act this entitled then i would be happy they didn't attend! i am shocked and appalled by the responses on here!
  • heyyou1203heyyou1203 member
    Second Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    edited April 2014
    HisGirlFriday13

    Of course they want to have their cake and eat it, too. It's a wedding! There's cake at weddings! What's the point of having cake and NOT eating it?

    So in order to be able to live and work freely in this country, you HAVE to have a small wedding? Says who?!?! If you want to pay for two weddings (one being the DW, or JOP ceremony), then why the heck can't you have 2? It's not like they're asking for double gifts from all the guests. What if they have a small wedding and then a big one for an anniversary? Are people not allowed to have anniversary parties? Since when do you decide what kind of parties other people are allowed to have and when and with whom?

    If getting married in Rome was really important to my BFF but I couldn't afford the trip, I would be really upset that I couldn't celebrate with her, but understand that Rome is important to her for HER wedding. I would then be thrilled and honored to be invited to a later reception that they're providing, because I'm not a snotty little brat who feels like I need be privy to every detail of everyone's personal lives.

    You admit that the actual marriage ceremony and the fancy reception are not one and the same, but yet, people aren't allowed to separate them??? How does that makes sense? Of course there are certain things a host should do for ANY party, as I said, like provide food, but some of the stuff that people talk about on this board are just so incredibly selfish and disgusting.
  • @prettygirllost

    Let's start with etiquette in the fact that cursing is no where in there... Another thing is I never said it was hard to pull off, but in reading other posts not yours ... I saw how picky peoples expectations were... That's where I disagreed ... I have manners and common sense in which I will use in planning my wedding. What I've been trying to say is that I don't agree with ALL the etiquette rules in which I think I am as well as you all are entitled to do. So stop posting against everything I put because I'm pretty sure it's not out of this world the things I am posting
  • edited April 2014
    @prettygirllost Let's start with etiquette in the fact that cursing is no where in there... Another thing is I never said it was hard to pull off, but in reading other posts not yours ... I saw how picky peoples expectations were... That's where I disagreed ... I have manners and common sense in which I will use in planning my wedding. What I've been trying to say is that I don't agree with ALL the etiquette rules in which I think I am as well as you all are entitled to do. So stop posting against everything I put because I'm pretty sure it's not out of this world the things I am posting
    Swearing has nothing to do with wedding etiquette.

    This is the wedding etiquette board, so if you are posting things that are against etiquette, people are going to disagree with you and they are going to post about it.  You can have your opinion, but people here try to educate others on what is correct etiquette and why.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • My biggest pet peeves were all scratched at the last wedding I was invited to (for my cousin).

    My fiance and I have been together for almost 4 years and we have our own house but for SOME REASON, they sent a mass invite to my parents, sister (who also has a fiance with their own house), and I to my parents.  They didn't put our fiances on the invite and did not send us our own invites.  
    So I didn't even know I was invited because my parents are horrible at sharing info.

    ALSO, the wedding is going to be 5 states away, and will strictly only serve tea and hors deourves.  

    So to sum that up:

    1) Not inviting serious significant others
    2) Sending a mass invite for people that reside at different addresses
    3) Asking people to come from miles and miles away and only serve tea and snacks and be surprised when no one comes.

  • Right, but it is based on opinion, I'm not forcing anyone to listen to what I have to say. I have my opinions on some of it. I do agree with a lot of it... It's just becoming a little hostile when I don't agree with others here
  • Wow, snarky much?

    "If you invite me to your wedding with my DH, don't have a gap, and don't have us come after dinner I will most likely show up and play nice."
    @KempKristoff - First - I see the art of sarcasm is lost on you

    Second, if you are going to quote me, put your big girl panties on and quote me IN CONTEXT. Here is what I REALLY said in my post:

    I am trying to become a less judgy person of others so I will overlook quite a bit.  What I learned from the last wedding (which was the biggest cluster I have ever attended) is sometimes there is someone there who needs a little moral support.  This was my BFF's DD's wedding and my BFF was a wreck because she was cut out of the planning (controlling groom who made things into a "my church" vs "your parents church" kinda deal).  They came to her 10 days before the wedding with the biggest cluster you can imagine and not all of it was fixable.  BFF needed a little moral support.

    Anyhoo - I will not attend if you don't invite DH.  If you choose a huge gap it is my choice which portion I attend (I won't wait around for 3 hours) and if I choose your reception I will have zero guilt about that.

    I have probably attended more cash bars than open bars and I only remember maybe 3 or 4 weddings that did NOT have the dollar dance so I wouldn't walk out because of that.  The cash bar wedding where I paid for my Diet Coke was also the one with the 3 hour gap.  I was not a happy camper for that one at all.  It was a 400 person reception.

    I will not take part in your honeymoon registry or your cash grab.  If I l attend your wedding,  I will give you whatever gift I feel is best (I usually give cash anyway).  My gift, my choice.

    If you invite me to the "dance part" of your reception you won't see me there.  That really doesn't happen around here anyway.

    It is very important to me that we do our kids wedding correctly and so far so good.  I am trying to keep in mind that people don't know what they don't know and if they don't know proper etiquette that will show in their weddings.  It isn't full of malice if they just don't know what they should be doing.  If you invite me to your wedding with my DH, don't have a gap, and don't have us come after dinner I will most likely show up and play nice.
  • @viczaesar

    Dude read my posts again... I never disagreed with those things... I think mainly the one thing I disagree with is expecting to invite people you don't know... It's like a slaughter house for disagreeing... Yeah I do appreciate etiquette... But I CAN disagree... I have that right... Just as many have posted their nasty comments about weddings they've gone to... I can post my non-hasty comments, that's what a DISCUSSION BOARD is for...

    @lday2014
    Thanks for the suggestion... But again I have a right to disagree and make for some discussion... Yikes
  • And newbie... Really? Unless you're a wedding planner... No one should be called a newbie it's always a NEW experience...
  • And newbie... Really? Unless you're a wedding planner... No one should be called a newbie it's always a NEW experience...

    Newbie= new to TK.
  • How is not inviting a SO bad etiquette? I would get if you're married a married couple should always be invited as a couple, but I have many friends that have SOs that I've never met or they have only been together for a little while.... I'm sorry but when a wedding gets close to $200 per person I'm not inviting your bf of 3 months or someone I've never met.... Sorry don't think it's rude. It's rude for guests who don't understand that
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