@viczaesar
Dude read my posts again... I never disagreed with those things... I think mainly the one thing I disagree with is expecting to invite people you don't know... It's like a slaughter house for disagreeing... Yeah I do appreciate etiquette... But I CAN disagree... I have that right... Just as many have posted their nasty comments about weddings they've gone to... I can post my non-hasty comments, that's what a DISCUSSION BOARD is for...
@lday2014
Thanks for the suggestion... But again I have a right to disagree and make for some discussion... Yikes
1. It would be easier to read your posts if you did not abuse the period. You are not posting complete thoughts. 2. You physically can disagree, and I physically can tell you that you're wrong. If you keep posting asinine comments like "does it matter?" then you're going to get a lot of people disagreeing with you and telling you that yes, how you treat your guests DOES matter.
I only have one opinion about any of these things. Where I grew up dollar dances were basically tradition. So I've been to many weddings with dollar dances. They were always for couples that were young, still in college, broke, etc and it was really just so they had a little extra spending money on their honeymoon. Also all of the weddings that had dollar dances also were dry weddings. That was perhaps more annoying than the dollar dance to me. I'm personally not having one, because I'm not young or broke and I don't feel the need to ask for any extra spending money but I don't find anything wrong with them. And I am absolutely having alcohol (no cash bar, I also agree that's tacky) and my family members that don't drink can get over it. Basically my opinion is, if a couple can afford to have a lavish, expensive ceremony and reception, then they don't need to have a dollar dance, but if the reception is humble, small, and not overdoing it then they can have a dollar dance if they want to.
How is not inviting a SO bad etiquette? I would get if you're married a married couple should always be invited as a couple, but I have many friends that have SOs that I've never met or they have only been together for a little while.... I'm sorry but when a wedding gets close to $200 per person I'm not inviting your bf of 3 months or someone I've never met.... Sorry don't think it's rude. It's rude for guests who don't understand that
Because if they're in a relationship they're considered a social unit, and it is bad etiquette and really rude to split up a social unit. It's that simple. It doesn't matter at all if you've ever met them or not. It is, frankly, not about you; it's about the comfort of your guest. If you choose to invite a guest, you are choosing to invite all members of their social unit (and to be clear, social units do not include children). If you choose to invite coworker Cindy, you need to invite Cindy's boyfriend. If you're not willing to pay to host BOTH of them, then you need to invite neither. Both, or neither. It really is that simple. If you're not willing to pay $200 each for BOTH Cindy and her boyfriend, then you don't invite Cindy OR her boyfriend.
@pinkshorts27 and @prettygirllost
You both must've have the most etiquette correct weddings planned... I never said I didn't have any of those things for my wedding... I budgeted for everything... But I did it because it's what I WANTED not what the guests should want... I just don't think other people should be bashed for not being able to do the etiquette correct thing to do... If you live to please the world you will die doing just that... What should I tell people who can't check off things in their etiquette rule book ... Don't get married?
AMEN!!!! If my guests feel so entitled to make my wedding celebration about them, then please feel free to leave, I wouldn't want them there anyway.
Yeah, I mean, isn't it really rude of people to expect to be properly hosted at an event? It's a lot easier for me to focus on celebrating the couple getting married when I'm hungry, bored, uncomfortable from standing, and bummed out because I can't even afford a soda because I left my cash at home.
I have read most of the posts on this thread and feel like everyone so appalled by the wedding "missteps" are doing couples a favor by RSVPing "no" Weddings are a celebration of love and the focus should be on the union taking place than whether everything met certain standards. Yes being hungry at a wedding is annoying but it's not the end of the world not should it be the marker of relationships going forward. So many things could have happened. And this need to bring your SO everywhere....please, there is probably good reason they were not invited.
I have read most of the posts on this thread and feel like everyone so appalled by the wedding "missteps" are doing couples a favor by RSVPing "no" Weddings are a celebration of love and the focus should be on the union taking place than whether everything met certain standards. Yes being hungry at a wedding is annoying but it's not the end of the world not should it be the marker of relationships going forward. So many things could have happened. And this need to bring your SO everywhere....please, there is probably good reason they were not invited.
The dollar dance is a tradition practiced a few different ways in several different cultures. It has several different meanings but often represents good luck and good fortune to the couple. You are not required to participate just because it takes place. I think the fact that you would leave a reception just because someone continued this tradition shows your ignorance of culture and tradition.
I grew up in a pretty tacky area, and cash bars, dollar dances, and PPD's are common... but luckily I've learned the proper ways to treat guests for all social events, and that includes thank you's, chairs, and food to eat depending on the time of day. Even though "where I'm from" does it one way, doesn't mean I should perpetuate bad behavior.
Of course they want to have their cake and eat it, too. It's a wedding! There's cake at weddings! What's the point of having cake and NOT eating it?
So in order to be able to live and work freely in this country, you HAVE to have a small wedding? Says who?!?! If you want to pay for two weddings (one being the DW, or JOP ceremony), then why the heck can't you have 2? It's not like they're asking for double gifts from all the guests. What if they have a small wedding and then a big one for an anniversary? Are people not allowed to have anniversary parties? Since when do you decide what kind of parties other people are allowed to have and when and with whom?
If getting married in Rome was really important to my BFF but I couldn't afford the trip, I would be really upset that I couldn't celebrate with her, but understand that Rome is important to her for HER wedding. I would then be thrilled and honored to be invited to a later reception that they're providing, because I'm not a snotty little brat who feels like I need be privy to every detail of everyone's personal lives.
You admit that the actual marriage ceremony and the fancy reception are not one and the same, but yet, people aren't allowed to separate them??? How does that makes sense? Of course there are certain things a host should do for ANY party, as I said, like provide food, but some of the stuff that people talk about on this board are just so incredibly selfish and disgusting.
For the love of Christ. Did you read the part where I said an AHR isn't against etiquette?
If you get married in Rome, and want to have a party to celebrate GO RIGHT AHEAD. Just don't have a fucking do-over of your wedding.
I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
Stand in the aisle and all over the venue during the wedding and as the bride walks down the aisle.
TabithaLSingleton this pisses me off too. I actually asked someone at the last wedding to get out of the aisle. She crawled over me to get in the aisle to get a picture. smh.
There shouldn't be a need for a dress code, but some people need one! My biggest pet peeve, when a guest wears a white dress! The bride and the flower girl are the only ones that should be wearing a white dress! It is so tacky and rude!! And jeans at a wedding are completely unacceptable!
Some of these people are terrible and I'm happy none of their judgmental faces will be looking at me while I walk down the aisle. And for everyone saying the reception is about the guests, I have news for you, no, it's not. Nothing on their wedding day is EVER about you. The reception is a celebration of the ceremony and wedding that just took place. Not to pay you back for gracing the couple with your presence at their wedding. No one is forcing you to attend, and it's very likely that the couple is spending more than your crappy attitude is worth for you to be there.
This makes me so happy I'm having a small intimate wedding and reception and I don't know any rude people like these, and even if I did none of them would be invited.
Some of these people are terrible and I'm happy none of their judgmental faces will be looking at me while I walk down the aisle. And for everyone saying the reception is about the guests, I have news for you, no, it's not. Nothing on their wedding day is EVER about you. The reception is a celebration of the ceremony and wedding that just took place. Not to pay you back for gracing the couple with your presence at their wedding. No one is forcing you to attend, and it's very likely that the couple is spending more than your crappy attitude is worth for you to be there.
This makes me so happy I'm having a small intimate wedding and reception and I don't know any rude people like these, and even if I did none of them would be invited.
You are the one with the crappy attitude.
Sorry, but a reception is indeed for the guests who took the time and money out of their lives to celebrate with the couple-because they were invited to do so. It is not solely for the purpose of stroking the couple's egos. If the couple want their wedding to be entirely about them and no one else, they should get married entirely by themselves and invite nobody. As soon as they invite one other person, their wedding is about them as well.
Wait a minute... Are you all saying that you would refuse to attend your friends' wedding if they had things like a dollar dance, a dress code, or a pot-luck?
I understand not attending if your spouse is not invited. But I don't understand much of the rest. It is not your day, it is theirs. Maybe they can't afford to feed all of the people that they would like to have at the wedding. Maybe they don't know that some of these things can come off as tacky! You're just going to refuse to attend and celebrate their special day? I'm planning my wedding right now and I know that I am breaking a lot of etiquette rules... but if the people that I consider friends are seriously not going to come because they don't love all of my decisions... well, then maybe they're not my real friends. You may not agree with their choices, but put yourself aside. I am not meaning to offend anyone, but I felt quite disheartened reading this. I didn't know people could be so snarky about someone else's wedding.
Some of these people are terrible and I'm happy none of their judgmental faces will be looking at me while I walk down the aisle. And for everyone saying the reception is about the guests, I have news for you, no, it's not. Nothing on their wedding day is EVER about you. The reception is a celebration of the ceremony and wedding that just took place. Not to pay you back for gracing the couple with your presence at their wedding. No one is forcing you to attend, and it's very likely that the couple is spending more than your crappy attitude is worth for you to be there.
This makes me so happy I'm having a small intimate wedding and reception and I don't know any rude people like these, and even if I did none of them would be invited.
Do you honestly believe that no one at your wedding will share our opinions?
Have you seen 'When Harry Met Sally?' You remember the scene in the restaurant where Sally fakes her orgasm and Harry is all surprised to find out that women fake it? And Sally says that all women fake it and all men think it's never happened to them and she tells him, you do the math'?
We're all telling you people will be offended. You think it's not going to happen to you. You do this math.
I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
I have been incredibly disappointed by everything I have read on these
message boards today. Women should be uplifting and helping each other,
not making people feel badly about their situations.
I agree there are general rules of etiquette and having to pay of couple bucks for a drink is really annoying but everyone has their own situation, their own story, and their own reason for their decisions. People who love are care for the couple are there to celebrate their love and that's really all that matters.
I personally was almost in tears after reading some of the posts on these message boards today. My fiance and I have fought like hell to be together, and unfortunately if we want to spend the rest of our lives on the same continent, have to be legally married in a time frame that our family will not be able to fly in from all over the world to attend. (We're on the east coast. My family is in California and his is in Ireland) It sucks, we hate it but it is what is and it is what we have to do.
That being said, in no way do we want to give up the once in a lifetime chance to make our commitment to each other in front of our families. Although we will already be married, when we say our vows in front of our friends and family, it will mean every bit as much (if not more because everyone is there) as when we do it the first time.
I had never heard of a PPD before today and like I said was in tears thinking I would never have that moment of walking down the aisle and saying my vows to my husband in front of our loved ones. I am not doing this for gifts (In fact, I have my mother's crystal and china, and really don't want any), it really is about sharing own wedding with our loved ones.
I discussed this with both my best friend and my sister in law today who told me I was being ridiculous and anyone who deserved to be at our wedding would want to be there whether they knew we were married or not. In fact, everyone who is going to be invited to our wedding is just so happy for us to finally start our lives together they really wouldn't care what we did they just want to celebrate with us.
My best friend also told me that I am actually a "pretty princess" (I ran the Disney Princess 1/2 Marathon dressed as Belle this year). So I don't really give a damn what anyone says, I'm going to embrace my pretty princess day, because after what my fiance and I have been through, we do in fact deserve it. Anyone who doesn't like it, I don't really want to come anyway.
So my point is, before bashing anyone's dreams on an anonymous wedding board, please remember that you don't know them or their stories but their friends and family do and are likely to feel far differently.
And brides, please don't chance your weddings based on what you've read here! Talk it over with your fiance and family, and I'm sure you'll find a reasonable perspective.
Come on, we're grown ups getting married, not 10th graders. Let's support each other, not make others feel badly :-)
Some of these people are terrible and I'm happy none of their judgmental faces will be looking at me while I walk down the aisle. And for everyone saying the reception is about the guests, I have news for you, no, it's not. Nothing on their wedding day is EVER about you. The reception is a celebration of the ceremony and wedding that just took place. Not to pay you back for gracing the couple with your presence at their wedding. No one is forcing you to attend, and it's very likely that the couple is spending more than your crappy attitude is worth for you to be there.
This makes me so happy I'm having a small intimate wedding and reception and I don't know any rude people like these, and even if I did none of them would be invited.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
I have been incredibly disappointed by everything I have read on these
message boards today. Women should be uplifting and helping each other,
not making people feel badly about their situations.
I agree there are general rules of etiquette and having to pay of couple bucks for a drink is really annoying but everyone has their own situation, their own story, and their own reason for their decisions. People who love are care for the couple are there to celebrate their love and that's really all that matters.
I personally was almost in tears after reading some of the posts on these message boards today. My fiance and I have fought like hell to be together, and unfortunately if we want to spend the rest of our lives on the same continent, have to be legally married in a time frame that our family will not be able to fly in from all over the world to attend. (We're on the east coast. My family is in California and his is in Ireland) It sucks, we hate it but it is what is and it is what we have to do.
That being said, in no way do we want to give up the once in a lifetime chance to make our commitment to each other in front of our families. Although we will already be married, when we say our vows in front of our friends and family, it will mean every bit as much (if not more because everyone is there) as when we do it the first time.
I had never heard of a PPD before today and like I said was in tears thinking I would never have that moment of walking down the aisle and saying my vows to my husband in front of our loved ones. I am not doing this for gifts (In fact, I have my mother's crystal and china, and really don't want any), it really is about sharing own wedding with our loved ones.
I discussed this with both my best friend and my sister in law today who told me I was being ridiculous and anyone who deserved to be at our wedding would want to be there whether they knew we were married or not. In fact, everyone who is going to be invited to our wedding is just so happy for us to finally start our lives together they really wouldn't care what we did they just want to celebrate with us.
My best friend also told me that I am actually a "pretty princess" (I ran the Disney Princess 1/2 Marathon dressed as Belle this year). So I don't really give a damn what anyone says, I'm going to embrace my pretty princess day, because after what my fiance and I have been through, we do in fact deserve it. Anyone who doesn't like it, I don't really want to come anyway.
So my point is, before bashing anyone's dreams on an anonymous wedding board, please remember that you don't know them or their stories but their friends and family do and are likely to feel far differently.
And brides, please don't chance your weddings based on what you've read here! Talk it over with your fiance and family, and I'm sure you'll find a reasonable perspective.
Come on, we're grown ups getting married, not 10th graders. Let's support each other, not make others feel badly :-)
This is an etiquette board and therefore you are going to get correct advice on how to treat your guests.
I have been incredibly disappointed by everything I have read on these
message boards today. Women should be uplifting and helping each other,
not making people feel badly about their situations.
I agree there are general rules of etiquette and having to pay of couple bucks for a drink is really annoying but everyone has their own situation, their own story, and their own reason for their decisions. People who love are care for the couple are there to celebrate their love and that's really all that matters.
I personally was almost in tears after reading some of the posts on these message boards today. My fiance and I have fought like hell to be together, and unfortunately if we want to spend the rest of our lives on the same continent, have to be legally married in a time frame that our family will not be able to fly in from all over the world to attend. (We're on the east coast. My family is in California and his is in Ireland) It sucks, we hate it but it is what is and it is what we have to do.
That being said, in no way do we want to give up the once in a lifetime chance to make our commitment to each other in front of our families. Although we will already be married, when we say our vows in front of our friends and family, it will mean every bit as much (if not more because everyone is there) as when we do it the first time.
I had never heard of a PPD before today and like I said was in tears thinking I would never have that moment of walking down the aisle and saying my vows to my husband in front of our loved ones. I am not doing this for gifts (In fact, I have my mother's crystal and china, and really don't want any), it really is about sharing own wedding with our loved ones.
I discussed this with both my best friend and my sister in law today who told me I was being ridiculous and anyone who deserved to be at our wedding would want to be there whether they knew we were married or not. In fact, everyone who is going to be invited to our wedding is just so happy for us to finally start our lives together they really wouldn't care what we did they just want to celebrate with us.
My best friend also told me that I am actually a "pretty princess" (I ran the Disney Princess 1/2 Marathon dressed as Belle this year). So I don't really give a damn what anyone says, I'm going to embrace my pretty princess day, because after what my fiance and I have been through, we do in fact deserve it. Anyone who doesn't like it, I don't really want to come anyway.
So my point is, before bashing anyone's dreams on an anonymous wedding board, please remember that you don't know them or their stories but their friends and family do and are likely to feel far differently.
And brides, please don't chance your weddings based on what you've read here! Talk it over with your fiance and family, and I'm sure you'll find a reasonable perspective.
Come on, we're grown ups getting married, not 10th graders. Let's support each other, not make others feel badly :-)
This is an etiquette board and therefore you are going to get correct advice on how to treat your guests.
Not only that, but I love-not- this notion that just because we all have 2 XX chromosomes and ovaries we should blow smoke and unicorns up each other asses?
Sorry, no thanks.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
I have been incredibly disappointed by everything I have read on these message boards today. Women should be uplifting and helping each other, not making people feel badly about their situations.
I agree there are general rules of etiquette and having to pay of couple bucks for a drink is really annoying but everyone has their own situation, their own story, and their own reason for their decisions. People who love are care for the couple are there to celebrate their love and that's really all that matters.
I personally was almost in tears after reading some of the posts on these message boards today. My fiance and I have fought like hell to be together, and unfortunately if we want to spend the rest of our lives on the same continent, have to be legally married in a time frame that our family will not be able to fly in from all over the world to attend. (We're on the east coast. My family is in California and his is in Ireland) It sucks, we hate it but it is what is and it is what we have to do.
That being said, in no way do we want to give up the once in a lifetime chance to make our commitment to each other in front of our families. Although we will already be married, when we say our vows in front of our friends and family, it will mean every bit as much (if not more because everyone is there) as when we do it the first time.
I had never heard of a PPD before today and like I said was in tears thinking I would never have that moment of walking down the aisle and saying my vows to my husband in front of our loved ones. I am not doing this for gifts (In fact, I have my mother's crystal and china, and really don't want any), it really is about sharing own wedding with our loved ones.
I discussed this with both my best friend and my sister in law today who told me I was being ridiculous and anyone who deserved to be at our wedding would want to be there whether they knew we were married or not. In fact, everyone who is going to be invited to our wedding is just so happy for us to finally start our lives together they really wouldn't care what we did they just want to celebrate with us.
My best friend also told me that I am actually a "pretty princess" (I ran the Disney Princess 1/2 Marathon dressed as Belle this year). So I don't really give a damn what anyone says, I'm going to embrace my pretty princess day, because after what my fiance and I have been through, we do in fact deserve it. Anyone who doesn't like it, I don't really want to come anyway.
So my point is, before bashing anyone's dreams on an anonymous wedding board, please remember that you don't know them or their stories but their friends and family do and are likely to feel far differently.
And brides, please don't chance your weddings based on what you've read here! Talk it over with your fiance and family, and I'm sure you'll find a reasonable perspective.
Come on, we're grown ups getting married, not 10th graders. Let's support each other, not make others feel badly :-)
Good for you! I haven't ever seen anything about a PPD day anywhere besides the knot. I think it's a horrible and belittling thing to call someone's event. Some poster may feel like it's less meaningful without the legal side but it will be meaningful to you and your family and guests. If I were invited I would celebrate with you while heartedly as expect most of your guests will to.
I have been incredibly disappointed by everything I have read on these
message boards today. Women should be uplifting and helping each other,
not making people feel badly about their situations.
I agree there are general rules of etiquette and having to pay of couple bucks for a drink is really annoying but everyone has their own situation, their own story, and their own reason for their decisions. People who love are care for the couple are there to celebrate their love and that's really all that matters.
I personally was almost in tears after reading some of the posts on these message boards today. My fiance and I have fought like hell to be together, and unfortunately if we want to spend the rest of our lives on the same continent, have to be legally married in a time frame that our family will not be able to fly in from all over the world to attend. (We're on the east coast. My family is in California and his is in Ireland) It sucks, we hate it but it is what is and it is what we have to do.
That being said, in no way do we want to give up the once in a lifetime chance to make our commitment to each other in front of our families. Although we will already be married, when we say our vows in front of our friends and family, it will mean every bit as much (if not more because everyone is there) as when we do it the first time.
I had never heard of a PPD before today and like I said was in tears thinking I would never have that moment of walking down the aisle and saying my vows to my husband in front of our loved ones. I am not doing this for gifts (In fact, I have my mother's crystal and china, and really don't want any), it really is about sharing own wedding with our loved ones.
I discussed this with both my best friend and my sister in law today who told me I was being ridiculous and anyone who deserved to be at our wedding would want to be there whether they knew we were married or not. In fact, everyone who is going to be invited to our wedding is just so happy for us to finally start our lives together they really wouldn't care what we did they just want to celebrate with us.
My best friend also told me that I am actually a "pretty princess" (I ran the Disney Princess 1/2 Marathon dressed as Belle this year). So I don't really give a damn what anyone says, I'm going to embrace my pretty princess day, because after what my fiance and I have been through, we do in fact deserve it. Anyone who doesn't like it, I don't really want to come anyway.
So my point is, before bashing anyone's dreams on an anonymous wedding board, please remember that you don't know them or their stories but their friends and family do and are likely to feel far differently.
And brides, please don't chance your weddings based on what you've read here! Talk it over with your fiance and family, and I'm sure you'll find a reasonable perspective.
Come on, we're grown ups getting married, not 10th graders. Let's support each other, not make others feel badly :-)
This is an etiquette board and therefore you are going to get correct advice on how to treat your guests.
Not only that, but I love-not- this notion that just because we all have 2 XX chromosomes and ovaries we should blow smoke and unicorns up each other asses?
Sorry, no thanks.
Exactly. How come if we question another woman all of a sudden the integrity of our female interactions are insulted? Not cool.
My biggest pet peeve is poor timing. Big gaps are the most itritating thing to guests, especially when they have to travel! Not inviting serious significant others can be viewed as offensive, but I've been to weddings without my fiancée because my family as a whole was invited and the couple getting married had invited plenty of people that we all knew.I think I would only be offended if I got an invitation without him if it was to a friend's wedding where I knew no one. Dollar dances and outright telling people that they need to offer cash on the day of is tacky, but some people have that as part of their local traditions and they're entitled to it. You don't like it? Don't do it. However. Even more irritating is when people think its ok to leave a wedding or complain when an open bar is not available. Do you really need to be drunk to enjoy the celebration of the biggest day in this person's life? (Someone with whom you obviously claim to be close). The day is supposed to be about the couple. If they're not big on alcohol, but are willing to even offer a champagne/sparking cider toast or go to the length of paying for the bar tender so you have the option of a cash bar, be grateful they they're even allowing that. I could see getting upset over having to pay for basic drinks like soda, but who gives a rat's patoot about the alcohol?
There is a huge difference between belittling someone and "blowing smoke and unicorns up their asses" I believe the word term is "constructive criticism" It is in fact possible to give feedback and be sensitive at the same time.
There is a huge difference between belittling someone and "blowing smoke and unicorns up their asses" I believe the word term is "constructive criticism" It is in fact possible to give feedback and be sensitive at the same time.
98% of the responses in this thread ARE constructive, lol!
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
Gross, newly engaged people having opinions! How dare they!
Nope. Mostly just rude people who aren't listening.
I agree with BeJuled1. It does most certainly appear to be that most newly engaged people on these boards are indeed gross in their manners, mindset and opinions. Thanks for pointing it out!
Re: What are your etiquette deal breakers?
2. You physically can disagree, and I physically can tell you that you're wrong. If you keep posting asinine comments like "does it matter?" then you're going to get a lot of people disagreeing with you and telling you that yes, how you treat your guests DOES matter.
You can stop because you are going a tad to far....
If you get married in Rome, and want to have a party to celebrate GO RIGHT AHEAD. Just don't have a fucking do-over of your wedding.
Are you all saying that you would refuse to attend your friends' wedding if they had things like a dollar dance, a dress code, or a pot-luck?
I'm planning my wedding right now and I know that I am breaking a lot of etiquette rules... but if the people that I consider friends are seriously not going to come because they don't love all of my decisions... well, then maybe they're not my real friends.
You may not agree with their choices, but put yourself aside. I am not meaning to offend anyone, but I felt quite disheartened reading this. I didn't know people could be so snarky about someone else's wedding.
Have you seen 'When Harry Met Sally?' You remember the scene in the restaurant where Sally fakes her orgasm and Harry is all surprised to find out that women fake it? And Sally says that all women fake it and all men think it's never happened to them and she tells him, you do the math'?
We're all telling you people will be offended. You think it's not going to happen to you. You do this math.
I agree there are general rules of etiquette and having to pay of couple bucks for a drink is really annoying but everyone has their own situation, their own story, and their own reason for their decisions. People who love are care for the couple are there to celebrate their love and that's really all that matters.
I personally was almost in tears after reading some of the posts on these message boards today. My fiance and I have fought like hell to be together, and unfortunately if we want to spend the rest of our lives on the same continent, have to be legally married in a time frame that our family will not be able to fly in from all over the world to attend. (We're on the east coast. My family is in California and his is in Ireland) It sucks, we hate it but it is what is and it is what we have to do.
That being said, in no way do we want to give up the once in a lifetime chance to make our commitment to each other in front of our families. Although we will already be married, when we say our vows in front of our friends and family, it will mean every bit as much (if not more because everyone is there) as when we do it the first time.
I had never heard of a PPD before today and like I said was in tears thinking I would never have that moment of walking down the aisle and saying my vows to my husband in front of our loved ones. I am not doing this for gifts (In fact, I have my mother's crystal and china, and really don't want any), it really is about sharing own wedding with our loved ones.
I discussed this with both my best friend and my sister in law today who told me I was being ridiculous and anyone who deserved to be at our wedding would want to be there whether they knew we were married or not. In fact, everyone who is going to be invited to our wedding is just so happy for us to finally start our lives together they really wouldn't care what we did they just want to celebrate with us.
My best friend also told me that I am actually a "pretty princess" (I ran the Disney Princess 1/2 Marathon dressed as Belle this year). So I don't really give a damn what anyone says, I'm going to embrace my pretty princess day, because after what my fiance and I have been through, we do in fact deserve it. Anyone who doesn't like it, I don't really want to come anyway.
So my point is, before bashing anyone's dreams on an anonymous wedding board, please remember that you don't know them or their stories but their friends and family do and are likely to feel far differently.
And brides, please don't chance your weddings based on what you've read here! Talk it over with your fiance and family, and I'm sure you'll find a reasonable perspective.
Come on, we're grown ups getting married, not 10th graders. Let's support each other, not make others feel badly :-)
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
This is an etiquette board and therefore you are going to get correct advice on how to treat your guests.
Sorry, no thanks.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
Not inviting serious significant others can be viewed as offensive, but I've been to weddings without my fiancée because my family as a whole was invited and the couple getting married had invited plenty of people that we all knew.I think I would only be offended if I got an invitation without him if it was to a friend's wedding where I knew no one.
Dollar dances and outright telling people that they need to offer cash on the day of is tacky, but some people have that as part of their local traditions and they're entitled to it. You don't like it? Don't do it.
However. Even more irritating is when people think its ok to leave a wedding or complain when an open bar is not available. Do you really need to be drunk to enjoy the celebration of the biggest day in this person's life? (Someone with whom you obviously claim to be close). The day is supposed to be about the couple. If they're not big on alcohol, but are willing to even offer a champagne/sparking cider toast or go to the length of paying for the bar tender so you have the option of a cash bar, be grateful they they're even allowing that.
I could see getting upset over having to pay for basic drinks like soda, but who gives a rat's patoot about the alcohol?
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."