Wedding Etiquette Forum

What are your etiquette deal breakers?

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Re: What are your etiquette deal breakers?

  • @viczaesar You can stop because you are going a tad to far....
    Nope.



  • ViczaesarViczaesar member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited April 2014
    Stand in the aisle and all over the venue during the wedding and as the bride walks down the aisle.
    What on earth are you trying to say with this sentence fragment?

    ETA: Oh, are you answering the original question, rather than responding to another poster/post?



  • I have been blessed to be planning my dream Wedding thanks to my parents, however I do come from a very small town where some people are getting married in churches that do not charge because they simply can't even afford a $3000 budget.  I have a very close family and no one has every complained about helping out with a wedding or even a potluck reception.  In my small town we are all understanding and help out.  
    In another subject, I had a friend who had a cash bar for personal reasons as she had several family members with alcohol issues and she wanted to deter from that.  You may not always know the issues behind what is bothering you, but as others have said it is not your wedding.  If you are not paying for it and its not your day, show up and smile or don't show up at all. If the couple is already dealing with such strict budget issues or similar, I'm sure the picky guests are also the least of their worries.
  • I have been blessed to be planning my dream Wedding thanks to my parents, however I do come from a very small town where some people are getting married in churches that do not charge because they simply can't even afford a $3000 budget.  I have a very close family and no one has every complained about helping out with a wedding or even a potluck reception.  In my small town we are all understanding and help out.  
    In another subject, I had a friend who had a cash bar for personal reasons as she had several family members with alcohol issues and she wanted to deter from that.  You may not always know the issues behind what is bothering you, but as others have said it is not your wedding.  If you are not paying for it and its not your day, show up and smile or don't show up at all. If the couple is already dealing with such strict budget issues or similar, I'm sure the picky guests are also the least of their worries.
    WE aren't being picky. Just want to be respected. there is a difference. If she wants to deter that, then have a dry wedding or don't invite them. People get drunk at bars alll the time. Also if you have professional bar tenders they have to legally cut people off, just make sure they know you want people cut off.

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  • I agree with all, except honeymoon registries. My fiancé and I have one, but in my defense, we've lived together for almost 2.5 years in a home I bought for myself about 4 years ago; we already have so much stuff for the house, so we didn't register for a lot. I think a honeymoon registry allows friends and family the opportunity to give a gift to the bride and groom without giving them something unnecessary.
  • Wow, you all make me not want to have a wedding! 
  • @HisGirlFirday13
    Yea, I do know how to read, thank you. And at what point did I say the hypothetical post-Rome reception was going to be an AHR? Is that another rule you're tacking on as to how people need to live their lives? You can have a separate reception but only if you do it in your backyard? Says who, you? I don't think a reception with 100 people is a "do over" of a 4 person ceremony. Maybe you just don't understand numbers.
  • OK! I've been reading this thread for about an hour and I'm panicking a little about my wedding day schedule because of all GAP complaints, OOT issues, etc. My FI and I are from different cities, and so are our families, and we both live outside our hometowns AND we are in a long distance relationship, so we are talking about big parties from 4 or 5 different states. Our wedding will be in my hometown because we're having the reception in my family's ranch to cut expenses (and because it's gorgeous if I may say so myself). It is really important for us that all our guests feel special and happy because most of them will be traveling and spending their money to be with us in our wedding day, so I wouldn't like anyone to feel uncomfortable or offended, or to have to spend any more money than necessary.
    I will share what we have planned so far. I would really appreciate the input.
    - The wedding will be on a saturday, so we're making a weekend out of it.
    - For the guests arriving on Friday, we have a private terrace reserved in a restaurant. It's laid back kind of place to hang out and for the guests to relax after their flight. We'll be providing pizza, wine, and beer. (We're Mexican, wedding rehearsals are not a thing down here, so please don't judge haha)
    - We have negotiated group rates in 2 hotels for our OOT guests, and transport will be provided for all the wedding related events that weekend.
    - We will have 2 weddings. The catholic church ceremony, and the legal one with a judge.
    - The catholic church wedding will be at 7 PM, and it lasts about and hour. We will take the pictures BEFORE to give time to our guests arriving saturday to check in, rest and get ready. 
    - After the ceremony we have the dreaded GAP. We have set everything up (wedding band, drinks appetizers etc, to start at 9 PM) That's because the ranch is a 30-40 minutes drive from the church (again we will have vans and buses for EVERYONE.. including people that live in that city so they will be safe having a few drinks in our OPEN bar and not having to drive all the way back.). We think that it will take one hour (8PM-9PM) to get everyone in the vehicles and drive them to the ranch so when they arrive everything will be ready. 
    - The "legal" ceremony will be in a separate area of the ranch with only a few people, while the rest of the guests are already enjoying their drinks, appetizers and music in the reception area, kind of like a cocktail hour. (is that rude?)
    - As mentioned before we will have appetizers, a 3 course dinner, a snack bar for later and an open bar.
    - My parents will host lunch the next day for both families and close friends that will not fly home early.

    Thoughts?
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  • gtgm89 said:

    OK! I've been reading this thread for about an hour and I'm panicking a little about my wedding day schedule because of all GAP complaints, OOT issues, etc. My FI and I are from different cities, and so are our families, and we both live outside our hometowns AND we are in a long distance relationship, so we are talking about big parties from 4 or 5 different states. Our wedding will be in my hometown because we're having the reception in my family's ranch to cut expenses (and because it's gorgeous if I may say so myself). It is really important for us that all our guests feel special and happy because most of them will be traveling and spending their money to be with us in our wedding day, so I wouldn't like anyone to feel uncomfortable or offended, or to have to spend any more money than necessary.

    I will share what we have planned so far. I would really appreciate the input.
    - The wedding will be on a saturday, so we're making a weekend out of it.
    - For the guests arriving on Friday, we have a private terrace reserved in a restaurant. It's laid back kind of place to hang out and for the guests to relax after their flight. We'll be providing pizza, wine, and beer. (We're Mexican, wedding rehearsals are not a thing down here, so please don't judge haha)
    - We have negotiated group rates in 2 hotels for our OOT guests, and transport will be provided for all the wedding related events that weekend.
    - We will have 2 weddings. The catholic church ceremony, and the legal one with a judge.
    - The catholic church wedding will be at 7 PM, and it lasts about and hour. We will take the pictures BEFORE to give time to our guests arriving saturday to check in, rest and get ready. 
    - After the ceremony we have the dreaded GAP. We have set everything up (wedding band, drinks appetizers etc, to start at 9 PM) That's because the ranch is a 30-40 minutes drive from the church (again we will have vans and buses for EVERYONE.. including people that live in that city so they will be safe having a few drinks in our OPEN bar and not having to drive all the way back.). We think that it will take one hour (8PM-9PM) to get everyone in the vehicles and drive them to the ranch so when they arrive everything will be ready. 
    - The "legal" ceremony will be in a separate area of the ranch with only a few people, while the rest of the guests are already enjoying their drinks, appetizers and music in the reception area, kind of like a cocktail hour. (is that rude?)
    - As mentioned before we will have appetizers, a 3 course dinner, a snack bar for later and an open bar.
    - My parents will host lunch the next day for both families and close friends that will not fly home early.

    Thoughts?
    Yes, it's rude to invite people to a wedding and then not let them witness the actual wedding.

    Given that a Catholic Nuptial Mass is legally binding, why do you need to have a separate "legal' ceremony? You say your families are Mexican, but mention 'states,' so I can't tell if you mean Unites States states or states in Mexico.

    If it's the former and your Catholic Mass would be legally binding, you're being rude by having two ceremonies.

    If your Mass starts at 7 and runs until 8 and the venue for the reception is 40 minutes away, you're probably safe on the gap, because it will take that long to get through the receiving line and into the vehicles and to the venue.

    Please explain the reasons for having two separate ceremonies?
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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • Simky906Simky906 member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited April 2014
    @gtgm89 Is your wedding taking place in the US? If so, I am confused by your having 2 separate ceremonies since in the US your religious and legal ceremonies can be the same thing. That seems very odd to me. 
    Also, I would have (if possible) cocktails and appetizers ready to be served at 8:30. That way if people are getting back to the ranch in the first trip they don't have to stand around twiddling their thumbs, kwim? Though you don't really have to start the band up then, just a little something available.  Other than that, I think you're fine.
  • I'm so sorry, I can see why it was a little confusing. 
    Church weddings in Mexico are NOT legally binding. To be legally married you have to have a wedding with a judge and a few witnesses, sign the paperwork, etc. and it takes about 15 to 20 minutes because it's only a formality. If you're not catholic, or religious and only have the "legal" wedding, then you MUST invite everyone to attend, that part is obvious to me.

    Why 2 ceremonies? Because in Mexico and catholic families church weddings are the IMPORTANT wedding even if they're not valid for legal purposes. In the Church wedding is where you exchange vows, rings, when dad walks you down the aisle etc. It's the ceremony that everyone wants to attend because it's the one that's full with all the emotional moments.

    I know it's kind of different... but most weddings here are like this. There are also other couples that go down to city hall with a couple witnesses to get the legal part out of the way and have their wedding with only the church ceremony and the reception days or weeks later. We don't want to do that because we want our siblings to be our witnesses and it would be impractical to have them all fly to the legal wedding and then again for the church wedding. It's easier if we have it the same day because they will be already there.

    There's also the option of having the signing done in the reception, but don't you think it would be king of tedious after the church ceremony to have to sit through that?

    I thought it would be more thoughtful to have everybody entertained an comfy while we take care of business because to us that's what the legal part really is, haha.. I don't know..:(
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  • gtgm89 said:

    I'm so sorry, I can see why it was a little confusing. 
    Church weddings in Mexico are NOT legally binding. To be legally married you have to have a wedding with a judge and a few witnesses, sign the paperwork, etc. and it takes about 15 to 20 minutes because it's only a formality. If you're not catholic, or religious and only have the "legal" wedding, then you MUST invite everyone to attend, that part is obvious to me.

    Why 2 ceremonies? Because in Mexico and catholic families church weddings are the IMPORTANT wedding even if they're not valid for legal purposes. In the Church wedding is where you exchange vows, rings, when dad walks you down the aisle etc. It's the ceremony that everyone wants to attend because it's the one that's full with all the emotional moments.

    I know it's kind of different... but most weddings here are like this. There are also other couples that go down to city hall with a couple witnesses to get the legal part out of the way and have their wedding with only the church ceremony and the reception days or weeks later. We don't want to do that because we want our siblings to be our witnesses and it would be impractical to have them all fly to the legal wedding and then again for the church wedding. It's easier if we have it the same day because they will be already there.

    There's also the option of having the signing done in the reception, but don't you think it would be king of tedious after the church ceremony to have to sit through that?

    I thought it would be more thoughtful to have everybody entertained an comfy while we take care of business because to us that's what the legal part really is, haha.. I don't know..:(
    This is how Europe works, too.

    I'd suggest doing the Catholic Mass first, because that's the part everyone came to see, and then doing the the judge part later, but I recognise that with your time line that might not be feasible. If not, no big deal.

    Because the religious part matters more to you (an opinion I share), and because of the bifurcation of your marriage laws, I understand why you're doing two ceremonies, and that makes sense.

    Also, key element, you're not lying, because all your guests will know that the religious ceremony wasn't legally binding, but they'll be properly hosted and not lied to.
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • This is how Europe works, too. I'd suggest doing the Catholic Mass first, because that's the part everyone came to see, and then doing the the judge part later, but I recognise that with your time line that might not be feasible. If not, no big deal. Because the religious part matters more to you (an opinion I share), and because of the bifurcation of your marriage laws, I understand why you're doing two ceremonies, and that makes sense. Also, key element, you're not lying, because all your guests will know that the religious ceremony wasn't legally binding, but they'll be properly hosted and not lied to.
    I'm not sure about Mexico, but in a lot of European countries the civil ceremony has to be done first.








    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • One of many, many things some of you newer posters don't get. Why on earth would you invite people to your wedding, only to host them improperly? I mean, if you don't want to spend money on proper amount of food/drink, why invite anyone? Why not just elope, since "It's your Speshul day?" 

    It only takes two to get married. Not a crowd full of people.


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  • I have been blessed to be planning my dream Wedding thanks to my parents, however I do come from a very small town where some people are getting married in churches that do not charge because they simply can't even afford a $3000 budget.  I have a very close family and no one has every complained about helping out with a wedding or even a potluck reception.  In my small town we are all understanding and help out.  
    In another subject, I had a friend who had a cash bar for personal reasons as she had several family members with alcohol issues and she wanted to deter from that.  You may not always know the issues behind what is bothering you, but as others have said it is not your wedding.  If you are not paying for it and its not your day, show up and smile or don't show up at all. If the couple is already dealing with such strict budget issues or similar, I'm sure the picky guests are also the least of their worries.
    1) Of course they won't verbally say they mind helping out. They are being nice to your face. We are strangers who don't mind giving the truth.

    2) We all have personal shit happen. We all have things come up in life that cost money. The difference is FI and I (as well as many, many other posters) are willing to give up some things in order to properly host our guests. We are choosing to only serve beer, wine, pop, water, and juice because we would rather our guests not open their wallet and have a good time. 

    3) You can't and shouldn't control how adults act. If someone wants to get drunk..they will. It is not your job to control how someone reacts and deals with alcohol.
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  • Oh my! I'm less than 50 days from my wedding and glad to know that I'm not really doing much to offend because it's too late to change much now. The one thing that would turn most people off here is the bar. We are getting married in my home town because my dad built the church. It's a tiny town and reception venues are limited to 2. Neither have bars, but are BYOB (or liquor) and we made sure to let guests know in the invite. I guess if people don't want to come because of a bar, that's their issue. The way I grew up, most people knew to bring their own booze to special events, which allowed them to drink exactly what they wanted and saved money. We are small town, easy going people and half my family is from Mexico, where bringing your own booze is the norm.
  • eaosornio said:
    Oh my! I'm less than 50 days from my wedding and glad to know that I'm not really doing much to offend because it's too late to change much now. The one thing that would turn most people off here is the bar. We are getting married in my home town because my dad built the church. It's a tiny town and reception venues are limited to 2. Neither have bars, but are BYOB (or liquor) and we made sure to let guests know in the invite. I guess if people don't want to come because of a bar, that's their issue. The way I grew up, most people knew to bring their own booze to special events, which allowed them to drink exactly what they wanted and saved money. We are small town, easy going people and half my family is from Mexico, where bringing your own booze is the norm.
    Erm.... BYOB is also pretty rude.  Just like a cash bar, you're differentiating among who can afford to drink alcohol and who can't.  The obvious way to deal with this and still host your guests properly would be to just "BYOB" yourselves for the whole wedding.  Many couples really look for venues like this on purpose, because buying alcohol in bulk is so much cheaper than paying the venue price anyway!

    And it's not too late for you to do that, btw.  Just spread the word nobody needs to buy liquor.
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  • lyndausvi said:

    I'm not sure about Mexico, but in a lot of European countries the civil ceremony has to be done first.




    Ah! I did not know that. Thanks!!
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'

  • lyndausvi said:
    I'm not sure about Mexico, but in a lot of European countries the civil ceremony has to be done first.


    Of course, people here know how the 2 wedding thing works, an are not offended of they're not invited to the civil part, because they're not expecting it... it would be very rude on the other hand not to invite them to the Church ceremony. What has me a bit worried is the part about keeping the guests waiting for us while we do the civil part. That's why I thought we could do something, kind of like what other brides have mentioned here about their cocktail hours to keep properly hosting our guests, but instead of using that time for photos it would be for the civil wedding (as we are having our pictures taken before the church wedding).

    I had that concern too, about needing to be legally married to be allowed to be married by the church, but we already asked in the church and we don't need to :)... we can have the Church Mass first.
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  • @viczaesar

    Seriously get a life!!!!!! All you've done here is make fun of people. Who made you wedding guru? Wow, I have never seen someone be so disgusting and rude, and quite frankly tasteless. Whoever you are, you are what the internet needs to watch out for -a cyber bully! I'm disgusted by your posts, just nasty!
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