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'I suppose your Knotter-people agree with you'

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Re: 'I suppose your Knotter-people agree with you'

  • doeydo said:

    image
    Oh yes; how rude of me to get a card and a gift, wrap it, and bring it to someone's wedding.  
    There is no way I am just going to mail it in a cardboard box or something.  Heaven forbid the couple have to figure out a way to get the gifts out of the venue.  FFS, what about brithdays and other gift giving occasions?  Should people not give gifts in person and just mail it or drop it off at the person's house?

    Do people really not *get* that there's a big difference between the logistics of a birthday party and a wedding?? I think there are a lot of rather daft responses to an etiquette rule.

  • ScoutFScoutF member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    banana468 said:
    image
    Oh yes; how rude of me to get a card and a gift, wrap it, and bring it to someone's wedding.  
    There is no way I am just going to mail it in a cardboard box or something.  Heaven forbid the couple have to figure out a way to get the gifts out of the venue.  FFS, what about brithdays and other gift giving occasions?  Should people not give gifts in person and just mail it or drop it off at the person's house?
    Do people really not *get* that there's a big difference between the logistics of a birthday party and a wedding?? I think there are a lot of rather daft responses to an etiquette rule.
    @banana468 I usually agree with your views, but we will have to agree to disagree on this one. I don't think anyone is being daft, and I don't think there is a right way or a wrong way to give a gift. A gift is a gift, and I will never feel burdened by having to transport it (or cut it in the case of your flower example) when I am given one.
    doeydoKeptInStitches
  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl Desert Oasis member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    beethery said:
    My parents have brought boxed gifts to weddings, I've always given cash. My reason being is that the B&G probably just want to mosey after the wedding, what if they have to pack up centerpieces or whatever after the wedding and don't have room in their car for gifts?
    The way it's worked with my friends (and how we'll do it) is that a wedding party memeber or family member helps box up and transport the gifts to the couple's home. 

    My BFF has already volunteered to transport our gifts for us. He's got a key to the place already so that's handy. 
  • My only issue with gifts at the wedding is things sometimes grow legs and walk off.

    I also know it's common and I don't side eye it.
  • ScoutFScoutF member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    MagicInk said:
    banana468 said:
    @beethery @DaisyMaeMommy Oh, FFS. HGF issued a blanket statement about how normal, well bred, polite people know to bring wedding gifts to the recipient before the wedding. There is absolutely nothing wrong with taking boxed gifts to a wedding, and I don't think it's cool for her to insinuate that people who do so are impolite or weren't raised properly. 
     Similarly, one never gives cut flowers as a hostess gift because it puts an undo burden on the hostess to trim them and find a vase. Should the hostess still receive the gift and be gracious? Absolutely. Should the giver know better and not create the undo burden? You betcha.
    WTF? Seriously? No cut flowers? Damn, well me and my friends are apparently much ruder then I thought.

    Meh, I'm just gonna live with it and keep on bringing my gifts to weddings and handing my friends flowers as hostess gifts (if I get them a real plant that means that have to not kill it and they will kill it). If they think I'm white trash for it I'm ok with that. 

    Giving a gift at all create a burden if you think about it. The person has to open the gift, write a thank you for the gift, mail the thank you note. Just easier to not give anyone any gifts.
    I wish I could love that again @MagicInk!
  • ScoutF said:


    banana468 said:

    doeydo said:

    image
    Oh yes; how rude of me to get a card and a gift, wrap it, and bring it to someone's wedding.  
    There is no way I am just going to mail it in a cardboard box or something.  Heaven forbid the couple have to figure out a way to get the gifts out of the venue.  FFS, what about brithdays and other gift giving occasions?  Should people not give gifts in person and just mail it or drop it off at the person's house?

    Do people really not *get* that there's a big difference between the logistics of a birthday party and a wedding?? I think there are a lot of rather daft responses to an etiquette rule.


    @banana468 I usually agree with your views, but we will have to agree to disagree on this one. I don't think anyone is being daft, and I don't think there is a right way or a wrong way to give a gift. A gift is a gift, and I will never feel burdened by having to transport it (or cut it in the case of your flower example) when I am given one.


    You may not feel that way but that doesn't mean that doing so is acceptable. People on the E board use the "it doesn't bother me" all the time in defense of actions that are against etiquette.

    It wasn't a big deal that we received gifts at our wedding but some couples have serious logistical problems with that. One bride several years ago had a NYC wedding and did not have a car at the reception location. Because of the quantity of gifts, someone in the family (I think her father) had to rent a car at the last minute to transport all of the items from the Manhattan reception venue.

    If we arranged for transportation for the BP and parents, we would have been begging guests for favors at 10 PM to do the same thing.

    And let's not forget the secondary issue that not everyone in large venues is honest. So the gift could possibly not even get to the intended recipient either.

  • ScoutFScoutF member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    PDKH said:
    Honestly, if I ever hear a couple complaining about having to pack up and transport all their weddings gifts on the wedding day, they will get a massive side-eye from me. 

    Agreed.
  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl Desert Oasis member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    beethery said:
    Personally, I'd be jazzed as hell about any gift that I got, boxed or otherwise. And if I had to figure out a way to get it home, so be it. I just give cash because it's easier, personal preference.
    You know how kids get really excited about gifts and they don't even seem to care about the gift at all just the wrapping paper and the box?

    Well that's still me. I mean I like the thing too now, but seriously, I'm just tickled pink someone got me a thing. Anything at all. Pack of sharpies and I'd fucking love you. 
    RebeccaB88ymc85beharrington
  • banana468 said:
    banana468 said:
    image
    Oh yes; how rude of me to get a card and a gift, wrap it, and bring it to someone's wedding.  
    There is no way I am just going to mail it in a cardboard box or something.  Heaven forbid the couple have to figure out a way to get the gifts out of the venue.  FFS, what about brithdays and other gift giving occasions?  Should people not give gifts in person and just mail it or drop it off at the person's house?
    Do people really not *get* that there's a big difference between the logistics of a birthday party and a wedding?? I think there are a lot of rather daft responses to an etiquette rule.
    @banana468 I usually agree with your views, but we will have to agree to disagree on this one. I don't think anyone is being daft, and I don't think there is a right way or a wrong way to give a gift. A gift is a gift, and I will never feel burdened by having to transport it (or cut it in the case of your flower example) when I am given one.
    You may not feel that way but that doesn't mean that doing so is acceptable. People on the E board use the "it doesn't bother me" all the time in defense of actions that are against etiquette. It wasn't a big deal that we received gifts at our wedding but some couples have serious logistical problems with that. One bride several years ago had a NYC wedding and did not have a car at the reception location. Because of the quantity of gifts, someone in the family (I think her father) had to rent a car at the last minute to transport all of the items from the Manhattan reception venue. If we arranged for transportation for the BP and parents, we would have been begging guests for favors at 10 PM to do the same thing. And let's not forget the secondary issue that not everyone in large venues is honest. So the gift could possibly not even get to the intended recipient either.

    I think it is their own fault they had to rent a car at the last minute. They should have had a plan in place for any boxed gifts they might receive.
    ScoutFdoeydo
  • beetherybeethery So sayeth the fuckin' Pope. member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    edited May 2014
    jdluvr06 said:
    I think it is their own fault they had to rent a car at the last minute. They should have had a plan in place for any boxed gifts they might receive.
    Fortune does favor the prepared.
    --

    I'm the fuck out.

    image
  • This whole thing has me thinking, is the tradition of dropping the gift off before the wedding a hold-over from when brides lived at home until they married?  In those situations, it was easy to know where to send the gift: it went to the bride's parents, possibly to the home of the bachelor groom.  I don't think situations are necessarily as clear-cut now, and that has lead to more tolerance for bringing gifts to the wedding, couple's being prepared to accept gifts, and some leniency that those who bring gifts aren't clueless etiquette-wise.

    Thinking back to our wedding, DH and I would have potentially had four places where people might have delivered gifts pre-wedding: my mom's house, my dad's house, his parent's house and our own home, out of state from the wedding.  Any of the first three would satisfy part of the rule here - since the physical item was received pre-wedding, but would still create a burden for DH and me as we had to get the gift back to our home.  And our invites didn't necessarily help people figure out where to send a gift - we sent them from our address, but people RSVP'ed to my mom.

    I guess this is just something I will add to my list of not-an-etiquette deal-breaker-for-me.  But I will deliver the physical gift to my cousin at his home before his wedding date because I am not attending his destination wedding. (I'd already planned to do so.)
    image
    Anniversary


  • beetherybeethery So sayeth the fuckin' Pope. member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    MagicInk said:
    beethery said:
    Personally, I'd be jazzed as hell about any gift that I got, boxed or otherwise. And if I had to figure out a way to get it home, so be it. I just give cash because it's easier, personal preference.
    You know how kids get really excited about gifts and they don't even seem to care about the gift at all just the wrapping paper and the box?

    Well that's still me. I mean I like the thing too now, but seriously, I'm just tickled pink someone got me a thing. Anything at all. Pack of sharpies and I'd fucking love you. 
    Dammit, now I just want to register for art supplies (not going to do it though). I basically have an episode any time anyone gives me art supplies. 

    If anyone decides to throw me a shower, even though I'm not having a registry, I should just ask for boxes wrapped in paper grocery bags. The cats would love it, and I would have no issue transporting them home.
    --

    I'm the fuck out.

    image

  • JaxInBlue said:
    This whole thing has me thinking, is the tradition of dropping the gift off before the wedding a hold-over from when brides lived at home until they married?  In those situations, it was easy to know where to send the gift: it went to the bride's parents, possibly to the home of the bachelor groom.  I don't think situations are necessarily as clear-cut now, and that has lead to more tolerance for bringing gifts to the wedding, couple's being prepared to accept gifts, and some leniency that those who bring gifts aren't clueless etiquette-wise.

    Thinking back to our wedding, DH and I would have potentially had four places where people might have delivered gifts pre-wedding: my mom's house, my dad's house, his parent's house and our own home, out of state from the wedding.  Any of the first three would satisfy part of the rule here - since the physical item was received pre-wedding, but would still create a burden for DH and me as we had to get the gift back to our home.  And our invites didn't necessarily help people figure out where to send a gift - we sent them from our address, but people RSVP'ed to my mom.

    I guess this is just something I will add to my list of not-an-etiquette deal-breaker-for-me.  But I will deliver the physical gift to my cousin at his home before his wedding date because I am not attending his destination wedding. (I'd already planned to do so.)
    Yup, this too. FI and I are getting married in our hometown, which is two states over from where we currently live. While we plan on changing our registry address shortly before we head home for the wedding week (since fortune indeed favors the prepared), If guests are kind enough to bring us gifts, I'd much rather guests just bring any gifts to the wedding so we don't have to risk gifts sitting for two weeks on our front porch, or so we don't have to worry about getting gifts from our parents' houses to our own house after the wedding.

    We have three addresses saved on our registry. 

    Either way, barring the extreme and ridiculous, I don't think there's really a way to be rude while giving a gift of goodwill and congratulations. Inconvenient? Sure, maybe, that's life. Rude? Nope. 
    image
  • PDKH said:
    Honestly, if I ever hear a couple complaining about having to pack up and transport all their weddings gifts on the wedding day, they will get a massive side-eye from me. 

    This times a million. 

    People are making it sound like transporting gifts is some big, difficult process. It really was not. Friends and family who stayed till the end volunteered to help us move our gifts into bigger boxes/bags (yes, we were prepared) and then take those consolidated gifts into my parents' car, which they then drove back to their house. At some point during our honeymoon, they brought them to our house. Had they not, we would have gone to their house to take them to our house after our honeymoon. Easy-peasy. 
    ScoutF

  • PDKH said:

    Honestly, if I ever hear a couple complaining about having to pack up and transport all their weddings gifts on the wedding day, they will get a massive side-eye from me. 


    This times a million. 

    People are making it sound like transporting gifts is some big, difficult process. It really was not. Friends and family who stayed till the end volunteered to help us move our gifts into bigger boxes/bags (yes, we were prepared) and then take those consolidated gifts into my parents' car, which they then drove back to their house. At some point during our honeymoon, they brought them to our house. Had they not, we would have gone to their house to take them to our house after our honeymoon. Easy-peasy. 


    People are also making it sound like this etiquette rule doesn't exist. You can be fine with breaking it but that hardly makes it OK.

  • ScoutFScoutF member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    banana468 said:
    PDKH said:
    Honestly, if I ever hear a couple complaining about having to pack up and transport all their weddings gifts on the wedding day, they will get a massive side-eye from me. 

    This times a million. 

    People are making it sound like transporting gifts is some big, difficult process. It really was not. Friends and family who stayed till the end volunteered to help us move our gifts into bigger boxes/bags (yes, we were prepared) and then take those consolidated gifts into my parents' car, which they then drove back to their house. At some point during our honeymoon, they brought them to our house. Had they not, we would have gone to their house to take them to our house after our honeymoon. Easy-peasy. 
    People are also making it sound like this etiquette rule doesn't exist. You can be fine with breaking it but that hardly makes it OK.
    And I don't see why it is such a huge deal and is considered unacceptable to bring a gift to a wedding.
    doeydo
  • banana468 said:
    PDKH said:
    Honestly, if I ever hear a couple complaining about having to pack up and transport all their weddings gifts on the wedding day, they will get a massive side-eye from me. 

    This times a million. 

    People are making it sound like transporting gifts is some big, difficult process. It really was not. Friends and family who stayed till the end volunteered to help us move our gifts into bigger boxes/bags (yes, we were prepared) and then take those consolidated gifts into my parents' car, which they then drove back to their house. At some point during our honeymoon, they brought them to our house. Had they not, we would have gone to their house to take them to our house after our honeymoon. Easy-peasy. 
    People are also making it sound like this etiquette rule doesn't exist. You can be fine with breaking it but that hardly makes it OK.
    Awww, TK isn't giving me notifications. I thought it did give notifications if someone quoted or tagged you? 

    Anyways, I honest-to-goodness can't see how giving a boxed gift is some sort of terrible etiquette fail. Someone spend their time and money on getting you something they thought you'd like and gave it to you. That really should not make one offended or irritated that they now have to take a gift home. I can see how it can be slightly inconvenient. I cannot see how it is faux pas. 
    doeydo
  • Wow - I didn't know it was such a big deal either. FI and I have had conversations where he insists that most "normal" people send/give the wedding gifts early, but I told him to be prepared for the boxed gifts on the day-of also. He thinks I'm crazy, but I guess he wins??? I will not let him know that's the case ;) haha but good to know for future reference

  • banana468 said:


    PDKH said:

    Honestly, if I ever hear a couple complaining about having to pack up and transport all their weddings gifts on the wedding day, they will get a massive side-eye from me. 


    This times a million. 

    People are making it sound like transporting gifts is some big, difficult process. It really was not. Friends and family who stayed till the end volunteered to help us move our gifts into bigger boxes/bags (yes, we were prepared) and then take those consolidated gifts into my parents' car, which they then drove back to their house. At some point during our honeymoon, they brought them to our house. Had they not, we would have gone to their house to take them to our house after our honeymoon. Easy-peasy. 
    People are also making it sound like this etiquette rule doesn't exist. You can be fine with breaking it but that hardly makes it OK.




    Awww, TK isn't giving me notifications. I thought it did give notifications if someone quoted or tagged you? 

    Anyways, I honest-to-goodness can't see how giving a boxed gift is some sort of terrible etiquette fail. Someone spend their time and money on getting you something they thought you'd like and gave it to you. That really should not make one offended or irritated that they now have to take a gift home. I can see how it can be slightly inconvenient. I cannot see how it is faux pas. 



    I think we may be agreeing. I don't think it's the worst thing a guest can do and if course any recipient of any gift should be gracious about what was given. Still, this is something that should be avoided if possible.
  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 Figment of Your Imagination member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I grew up with the idea that you sent the gift ahead of time. Technically, yes, that is proper and technically it's not proper to bring them to the wedding, for the reasons above. But, at least around here it's expected that some people will bring them. I think for my sister it was about 50/50 send ahead and brought to the wedding. People just plan ahead for who's going to transport any gifts brought.  Cash is not that common as a gift here, so much so that no one ever has a card box available.  (I was also raised that it was crass to give cash for a wedding gift, that it insinuated that the couple was destitute.  But that's obviously not the case everywhere.)  The vast majority of people give boxed gifts, so people just plan for that.

    I don't side eye gifts brought to the wedding anymore. Not a deal breaker by any means, and not an inconvenience if you've planned for it (as you should). 

    I was also raised that you send cut flowers ahead of time for a party/gathering, etc., so the hostess can cut and arrange them at her convenience. Or, you send them the day after, with a thank you note.  But yeah, that doesn't necessarily happen either.
  • ShellD13ShellD13 Can't get there from here member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    I attended a wedding last year that was in a very pretty older church in what had become a fairly sketchy part of town.  The pastor was quick to tell everyone to lock their vehicles in the parking lot and insisted that following the ceremony the gift table and all of the gifts had to be moved to a less visible area of the church as the original placement was just inside the front doors and quite visible from the parking lot and the fellowship hall where the reception was being held was too far away to ensure that nothing was stolen...

    I've brought boxed gifts to weddings previously but after helping my sisters pack up all of those box gifts from their weddings I now try to do the "ship directly to the registrants home" when buying gifts.
    Anniversary
    huskypuppy14
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    MagicInk said:

    AddieCake said:
    I guess I am not polite or well-bred, and neither are any of my friends and family.
    That's ok, I'm not either. If you bring cake, I'll bring booze, and we'll have a white-trash party with gifts.

    It's a date!
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
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