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What people really think about your PPD...

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Re: What people really think about your PPD...

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    mrs4everhartmrs4everhart member
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    Zhabeego said:
    Honey, you're married. Your husband is not your FI, you are not engaged and weddings are the act of getting married - not putting on a pouffy dress and having an audience. And unless you've never, ever gossiped or griped about a friend to another person, you should probably climb down off your high horse. I don't blame these women for grousing about a woman so entitled and delusional she's not only planning a faux wedding after already getting married, she also demanded a shower! You can bet these women aren't the only ones put out.
    Here's what I can tell you about me, and my shit talking. One of two things will generally happen: I'm either going to express myself to my friend/family member's face and let the chips fall where they may or I'm going to let the relationship run it's course while backing out of it slowly and quietly until there's nothing left. There would not be any grousing-bridesmaid for me. I'm not going to be in someone's wedding while they think I'm supporting their relationship/wedding while I'm really off running my mouth to the knick-knack shop lady. Fuck that. There's very few relationship scenarios that I really judge - as long as everyone is a consenting adult, the older I get the less I care what people have going on. If I'm going to buy a dress I'm never going to wear again and possibly be subjected to a bridal shower and a bachelorette party (which is akin to torture in my world) you better believe I am coming correct to that shit. If I have reason(s) to bitch, moan and complain to others about it, I have reason to say no thanks when the bride asks me to be part of her wedding party. Simple.
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    mrs4everhartmrs4everhart member
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    edited June 2014
    MobKaz said:
    Maggie0829 said:
    Why do people still feel the need to engage with STB?  I find that discussing her plans is completely pointless.  She will still think she is right no matter what is said so why even bother?

    STBMrsEverhart said:
    wrigleyville said:
    STBMrsEverhart said:
    HisGirlFriday13 said:
    They aren't trashing their friend. They are trashing her rude and tacky idea. If you expect your friends to blow sunshine up your ass even if you have a terrible, horrible, rude idea, you need a new understanding of what friend means.
    Sharing legit concerns and/or feelings with a friend is one thing. Agreeing to be part of something then bitching about it or shit talking about it to strangers is quite another.
    You're right. They should have said no in the first place since they were so taken aback by the bride's behavior. But, at least they were able to make that choice. Your wedding party doesn't even have the luxury of making a choice since they think your wedding is your actual, legal, marriage.
    We're not having BP. I don't need an entourage milling around me while pretend because we have already enaged in the act of vowing myself to another.
    FTFY
    We have vowed nothing to the other as of yet (I mean besides the fact that we've been together 9 years and made life decisions based on being with the other long before marriage was ever discussed). Interesting that people would consider signing a government form as the same act as openly vowing something to another. The state of Colorado could care less if we love, honor or cherish the other, let alone if we plan or promise to be faithful, kind or compassionate. A marriage license may spell out legal assets, liabilities, rights, responsibilities and/or ramifications, but it has absolutely no bearing on much else. That "contract" can be simply negated or broken by paying more money to the state and signing a few more documents. A relationship, particularly one following guidelines set forth in a marriage pact by way of speaking vows to the other, isn't so easily broken or nullified. Some people may consider the legal contract the same thing. And who am I to tell them they're feelings are wrong? If literally committing one's name to a document makes all the emotional significance to someone, then by all means who should stop them? But a legal document will not make an emotional significance to us, so it would seem we are going to have to go the route of speaking some promises to each other and laying some ground rules at it were. For which we do not need bridal attendants. 
    If it doesn't mean anything, then why the fuck did you even do it?

    Oh, because having a marriage license means you get X, Y, and Z benefits.

    Funny how it only matters and means something when it's convenient for you and you get benefits from it and how it doesn't matter when people call you on your bullshit.

    If it didn't matter, you wouldn't have signed it.

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    Edited: Don't know what's up with the quote box, but this is mess.



    I don't ever remember saying that we didn't want to be legally married, or that it lacked legal importance. But I have been, and remain, vehement that it has never been important to us that the legal process be part of our ceremony. And it was never going to be, as we were not going to inconvenience ourselves or our any of our guests to meet Mexican requirements. We plan to leave for MX on Sept. 10, we were going to sign our papers locally on the 9th before we left. Life took a crazy turn and we made a decision that turned out to be based on incorrect info. Ha! Joke was on us! We actually could have waited until the 9th of September because I could have added him to my insurance without being legally married come to find out. Oh well, nothing we can do about it now. I mean, there is, but divorcing and remarrying seems overly dramatic as well as a waste of time and money. The paperwork doesn't hold any emotional significance. That doesn't mean I have a hard time grasping the legal significance. I don't fault others if they get all gushy over their marriage license. I just personally don't feel that way. I also don't feel the need to get married in a church, or that some deity is part of my relationship. I don't fault or judge others who do. Why should I? What does anyone else's opinion of their marriage have to do with me? 




    To the bolded:  The very definition of a PPD.

    Once again, with your self-absorbed and narcissistic perspective, you speak only about yourself.  The point is, and always will be, the fact that you refuse to allow your guests to know the truth.

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    It might be a closer definition of our AHR technically speaking, since that's SUPER unnecessary. But it's just going to be such a great time it's hard to say no to! This self absorbed narcissist is psyched for both. I don't plan on looking back on life one day and having many regrets. Especially over things I have full control over. Such as my wedding and great times with great people. One of my favorite philosophies: It's better to regret something you did than something you didn't do. 

    The point is and will always be there's nothing wrong with separating signing a license from the wedding ceremony. If people want to do them together, great. If they want to separate them, great. There's plenty of reasons why people would separate the two. There's plenty of reasons why people wouldn't. Every couple has to make decisions that work for them. It's simple really.
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    mrs4everhartmrs4everhart member
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    perdonami said:
    Than just simply tell those great people the truth. 

    They'll get to experience our truth. And it's going to be perfect, and amazing and wonderful!! Now if you'll excuse me, as much as I enjoy arguing the merits of gouging tradition and gutting standard etiquette, I've got the day off and wedding planning awaits. I'm in such an ecstatic mood, I think I'll add in a squueeeee!!! 
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    banana468banana468 member
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    KatieinBkln said:

    I normally like to stay out of this shit and watch it unfold with the same awed expression of a child meeting Santa for the first time, but "They'll get to experience our truth" is the single most bullshit-filled sentence I've seen on these boards. I'm actually impressed!


    Not since our former President attempted to redefine the word "is" have I seen such crap. My daughter's diaper contents in her infancy were better.
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    KGold80KGold80 member
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    edited June 2014
    STBMrsEverhart said:
    perdonami said:
    Than just simply tell those great people the truth. 

    They'll get to experience our truth. And it's going to be perfect, and amazing and wonderful!! Now if you'll excuse me, as much as I enjoy arguing the merits of gouging tradition and gutting standard etiquette, I've got the day off and wedding planning awaits. I'm in such an ecstatic mood, I think I'll add in a squueeeee!!! 
    I think that's one of the most narcissistic statements I have ever had the displeasure of reading.
    ETA: Is it against the TOS to suggest that someone's behavior/thoughts might be borderline antisocial?
    Wedding Countdown Ticker


    image
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    sophhabobophasophhabobopha member
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    STBMrsEverhart said:
    perdonami said:
    Than just simply tell those great people the truth. 

    They'll get to experience our truth. And it's going to be perfect, and amazing and wonderful!! Now if you'll excuse me, as much as I enjoy arguing the merits of gouging tradition and gutting standard etiquette, I've got the day off and wedding planning awaits. I'm in such an ecstatic mood, I think I'll add in a squueeeee!!! 
    image


    image
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    annathy03annathy03 member
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    offensivekitten2 said:
    I'd like to meet this paragon of humanity that doesn't bitch when someone does something shitty to them. Truely, they must be the next coming of the virgin mary.
    I just want to meet that kitten.  It is probably a full grown cat by now, but traveling back in time is just as likely as this paragon existing.  If I were her guest and found out I'd been told"their" truth lied to, I'd be pissed and drop her like a bad habit.  Friends don't lie to me like that.
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    APDSS22APDSS22 member
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    Cookie Pusher said:
    STBMrsEverhart said:

    They'll get to experience our truth. And it's going to be perfect, and amazing and wonderful!! Now if you'll excuse me, as much as I enjoy arguing the merits of gouging tradition and gutting standard etiquette, I've got the day off and wedding planning awaits. I'm in such an ecstatic mood, I think I'll add in a squueeeee!!! 
    image
    I assume if she's making her own truths she lives in the Matrix.
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    MobKazMobKaz member
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    STBMrsEverhart said:
    perdonami said:
    Than just simply tell those great people the truth. 

    They'll get to experience our truth. And it's going to be perfect, and amazing and wonderful!! Now if you'll excuse me, as much as I enjoy arguing the merits of gouging tradition and gutting standard etiquette, I've got the day off and wedding planning awaits. I'm in such an ecstatic mood, I think I'll add in a squueeeee!!! 
    image

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    Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 mod
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    Lizzieyounce said:
    Normally I try to be nice to people and wish nothing but nice things for them. This may get me flamed, but would it be horrible for me to wish that STBMrsE's guest list find out that she's married before her destination PPD and all decide to not attend?
    You are certainly not the first to think that, so you're not alone :)

    I am not in much of a position to be a betting woman these days, but I would guess that if she did tell her guests the truth from the start, almost all of them would still go. 

     







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    mrs4everhartmrs4everhart member
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    edited June 2014
    Lizzieyounce said:
    Normally I try to be nice to people and wish nothing but nice things for them. This may get me flamed, but would it be horrible for me to wish that STBMrsE's guest list find out that she's married before her destination PPD and all decide to not attend?
    You're within your rights to wish whatever you'd like. Many already know and still can't wait and if anyone else "finds out" (lord only knows how), I'd bet my last dollar they still wouldn't drop out. Everyone's psyched for a multi-day beach party, which is what this will be. Sure, there will be a wedding in there somewhere but I don't believe for a minute that that is why most of our peeps are attending. Especially knowing we're hosting an AHR when we return (they could just attend it instead). 

    To answer someone else's question above - the sky is a gorgeous shade of blue in my world today. Like it is most days. With over 300+ days of sunshine a year it's easy to be happy where I live. 

    Oh, and to the poster who is embarrassed for me - that's a tremendous waste of energy and emotion on your part. I'm pretty darned psyched to be me. I mean, I'd be happier if we'd hit the Powerball or something but I really have no good reason to complain about life. It's all about perspective and making a concerted effort to be happy. I haven't always been this way. My 30's have been very good to me. I've learned a lot about life, love, family and friends and what is truly important, and what isn't. Emphasis on the what isn't. 

    Edited for bad autocorrecting.
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    perdonamiperdonami member
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    Simply Fated said:
    What does "our truth" mean? Either it is true or isn't. Anything else is an opinion or theory.
    I suppose it what she meant to say when she said that she wanted her guests to be "in the moment."
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    Simply FatedSimply Fated member
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    perdonami said:


    Simply Fated said:

    What does "our truth" mean? Either it is true or isn't. Anything else is an opinion or theory.

    I suppose it what she meant to say when she said that she wanted her guests to be "in the moment."

    Well that's good. When I go to the theater, I like when I'm "in the moment."


    If there is a wedding during that super fun party weekend in Mexico, it won't be her's. She's already married. Unless she get's a divorced, first, or someone else is getting married, there won't be a wedding.
    image
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    mrs4everhartmrs4everhart member
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    MobKaz said:
    KGold80 said:
    Oh for fuck's sake...how the hell did I miss that she is legally married, having a destination PPD, AND an at home reception!? I missed that last part. I'm sorrynotsorry to say that shit goes beyond the pale of rude and atrocious attention whoring.
    ....and plays pretend at home and in public with her husband by referring to him as "fiance" while claiming him as her legal spouse every time she files an insurance claim.  She makes no bones about lying ("controlling information" is her latest euphemism) to her supposed nearest and dearest.  I get physically ill every time I think of this self-righteous, amoral, narcissistic "person".  Thankfully, those thoughts are few and far between.


    You actually, literally vomit? That's the funniest thing I've read in a hot minute! 
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    mrs4everhartmrs4everhart member
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    KGold80 said:
    Oh for fuck's sake...how the hell did I miss that she is legally married, having a destination PPD, AND an at home reception!? I missed that last part. I'm sorrynotsorry to say that shit goes beyond the pale of rude and atrocious attention whoring.
    The AHR doesn't come up on these boards often, but it's not a secret or anything. We're not even sorrynotsorry for hosting one, it's going to be awesome!! The weekend after we come home we're hosting a party for local friends and family in Denver at one of our favorite bars. Tacos, margs, a sick zombie cake as a surprise since I put my foot down and told FI no, we wouldn't be having a bloody, zombie cake as our wedding cake (I don't usually just say no, but that's just not what I want in the pics years from now). It may be beyond the pale of rude, atrocious attention whoring but anyone who doesn't want hosted tacos, margs and cake is welcome to stay home. I know where we'll be partying that day! 
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