is it rude to not serve meat?

buttercup1958 · June 2014

No its not rude at all! I would be willing to try it and I had shrimp, chicken, and steak for dinner tonight. But they were small porpotions and I had a salad!

RebeccaB88 · June 2014

I don't think it would be rude, but I'd personally be concerned about it from a dietary angle. I'd expect it if I knew the couple was vegan, although I do know of one couple who were vegan but also offered a carving station and seafood at their reception, because they knew their family and friends would like it. They just didn't eat it or look at it.

I would be the guest contacting you before sending in my RSVP to ask EXACTLY what's in each of the entrees, so I could decide which one would meet my required protein intake for that meal that also did not include soy or pulses, and only a small amount of beans or legumes (and no quinoa, only because I despise it), as well as was diabetic friendly (type 2 diabetics must eat reduced carbs, and those carbs must be balanced with a certain amount of protein to prevent blood sugar spikes). If nothing met my needs, I'd decide if I needed to eat beforehand (that would depend on timing, how long after I left home I'd be eating) or if I needed to bring my own supplement to the meal (which, honestly, due to my required protein numbers, would probably need to be animal protein). Yes, this is all for medical reasons, guided by a doctor and nutritionist.

If you have a wedding website, you might put a more detailed menu up there, so people can see exactly what you're talking about. Of course, vegan food can be yummy.

(It sounds a lot more complicated than it is, really. It's just almost impossible for me to get my required protein numbers in without animal protein, because of my soy and pulse intolerance and dislike of most beans and quinoa. If I had to go sit in my car to eat my piece of chicken cooked at home, I'd do it. Most standard banquet meals I have little to no problem with, as long as it's not fish/seafood.)

tcnoble · June 2014

FYI there is a delicious vegan eatery here in Vegas called Red Velvet Cafe, and they make the most amazing chocolate chip cookies I've ever had. Related to the OP - I think if you were having a bigger wedding there might be more concern, but with 30-40 people, I'm sure most guests recognize you eat vegan foods and will be expecting it. I'm a picky eater, I love meat, but I certainly wouldn't be upset if you served a vegan meal. If I had to grab a cheeseburger later, so be it. But if it causes you serious moral strife to serve animal products, do your vegan thang and expose people to some delicious vegan options!! ETA my iPad hates paragraphs

hanckypanky · June 2014

In your case I wouldn't object to working to find a meal that meets your needs without spending my money to fund animal cruelty. I'll be sure to tell guests to contact us with questions on the menu page of the website.

kitsunegari89 · June 2014

NYCBruin said:

mrshutzler said:

Not serving meat is one thing; Making everyone eat vegan is another. I can handle having some foods without meat or a cheese/tomato pasta dish. If the cheese is fake tofu cheese, though? Not so much. Give people a variety of choices. You can even have a vegan option or two. Don't make everyone forgo eggs and milk or honey or cheese just because you choose to. Sorry, but I don't agree that everyone will be fine with all-vegan options. I would have had a mutiny on my hands if I had done that to my guests.

Do you really ONLY eat food with meat, cheese, eggs, milk and honey in them??

Offering only vegan choices isn't "forcing" someone to eat vegan. Non-vegans eat "vegan" foods all the time.

And I intentionally avoid eating vegan because my body self destructs if I don't eat liver every day (srsly, it's the only thing that keeps my skin nice and my anemia in check) Very few of my meals would be considered vegan. I even put fish or boiled eggs on my lunch salads. Go ahead and make your guests eat vegan. Just don't be surprised if a whole bunch of them turn their noses up at the food because I probably would. I just went to a vegan birthday party that was serving portobello mushroom "cheeseburgers", and I like picked at it and pretended to eat it like a true friend but that stuff went in the trash when nobody was looking.

hanckypanky · June 2014

mrshutzler said:

NYCBruin said:

mrshutzler said:

Not serving meat is one thing; Making everyone eat vegan is another. I can handle having some foods without meat or a cheese/tomato pasta dish. If the cheese is fake tofu cheese, though? Not so much. Give people a variety of choices. You can even have a vegan option or two. Don't make everyone forgo eggs and milk or honey or cheese just because you choose to. Sorry, but I don't agree that everyone will be fine with all-vegan options. I would have had a mutiny on my hands if I had done that to my guests.

Do you really ONLY eat food with meat, cheese, eggs, milk and honey in them??

Offering only vegan choices isn't "forcing" someone to eat vegan. Non-vegans eat "vegan" foods all the time.

And I intentionally avoid eating vegan because my body self destructs if I don't eat liver every day (srsly, it's the only thing that keeps my skin nice and my anemia in check) Very few of my meals would be considered vegan. I even put fish or boiled eggs on my lunch salads. Go ahead and make your guests eat vegan. Just don't be surprised if a whole bunch of them turn their noses up at the food because I probably would.

You won't die not having animal products for dinner one day of your life.

kitsunegari89 · June 2014

hanckypanky said:

NYCBruin said:

mrshutzler said:

Not serving meat is one thing; Making everyone eat vegan is another. I can handle having some foods without meat or a cheese/tomato pasta dish. If the cheese is fake tofu cheese, though? Not so much. Give people a variety of choices. You can even have a vegan option or two. Don't make everyone forgo eggs and milk or honey or cheese just because you choose to. Sorry, but I don't agree that everyone will be fine with all-vegan options. I would have had a mutiny on my hands if I had done that to my guests.

Do you really ONLY eat food with meat, cheese, eggs, milk and honey in them??

Offering only vegan choices isn't "forcing" someone to eat vegan. Non-vegans eat "vegan" foods all the time.

And I intentionally avoid eating vegan because my body self destructs if I don't eat liver every day (srsly, it's the only thing that keeps my skin nice and my anemia in check) Very few of my meals would be considered vegan. I even put fish or boiled eggs on my lunch salads. Go ahead and make your guests eat vegan. Just don't be surprised if a whole bunch of them turn their noses up at the food because I probably would.

You won't die not having animal products for dinner one day of your life.

I didn't say anyone would die, I'm just saying they won't enjoy it. Nobody dies from having a crappy time. If one is cool with like 70% of the guests pretending to eat the food and then throwing it away (true story happened at that birthday party I went to... everyone was throwing food away when nobody was looking), then by all means... serve vegan food!

RebeccaB88 · June 2014

hanckypanky said:

In your case I wouldn't object to working to find a meal that meets your needs without spending my money to fund animal cruelty. I'll be sure to tell guests to contact us with questions on the menu page of the website.

Purely out of curiosity (because obviously I won't be attending your wedding), what if it wasn't possible to find an appropriate meal without it including animal products? I would honestly eat a piece of chicken I brought from home in my car if I had to, but it would be off-putting, even knowing your feelings about veganism. If I was close enough to you to be invited, I'd still do it, though. I honestly can't remember the last meal I had that didn't include at least dairy or eggs as a protein source, even if it was meatless. (I love hummus, but I have to eat a metric ton of it to hit my numbers.)

ETA: I'd totally be trying the vegan food, I'd just probably have to supplement the protein is all. Even my protein shakes are whey protein, which comes from animals, though.

hanckypanky · June 2014

& like I said, there's such a huge variety that if they literally can't find one thing they'd like, I think it'd be because they're determined to hate vegan food on principle.

kitsunegari89 · June 2014

hanckypanky said:

& like I said, there's such a huge variety that if they literally can't find one thing they'd like, I think it'd be because they're determined to hate vegan food on principle.

I hate it on the principle that it never tastes good, and I am friends with a vegan chef. Do whatever you want. Eat only onions if that's what you want... just don't make me do it. I conducted a recent workplace satisfaction survery and the backyard hens I get my eggs from feel very content in their safe, predator-free outdoor environment and don't feel abused or exploited at all. Ditto my neighbor's bees.

beethery · June 2014

jules3964 said:

hanckypanky said:

And that was when I wasn't vegan so I think our guests will be fine and if not I truly believe it's because they're determined to be snobby about veganism and refuse to like the food on principle.

This is why I wouldn't necessarily advertise that everything is vegan — just list what the options are.

We're having vegan cupcakes, but aren't going to label them as such because I know a few people would refuse to eat them just because they *assume* they won't taste good. We expect those same people to walk around raving about those fantastic cupcakes, unaware that they are vegan... haha.

I am doing this with the GF cupcakes I'm ordering so my friend with Celiac's can enjoy a cupcake. They're PB cup cupcakes and they are FUCKING PHENOMENAL. Nobody needs to know they're GF besides my friend. We're going to order a fucking shit ton because I know they're going to fly off the stand.

hanckypanky · June 2014

RebeccaB88 said:

hanckypanky said:

In your case I wouldn't object to working to find a meal that meets your needs without spending my money to fund animal cruelty. I'll be sure to tell guests to contact us with questions on the menu page of the website.

Purely out of curiosity (because obviously I won't be attending your wedding), what if it wasn't possible to find an appropriate meal without it including animal products? I would honestly eat a piece of chicken I brought from home in my car if I had to, but it would be off-putting, even knowing your feelings about veganism. If I was close enough to you to be invited, I'd still do it, though. I honestly can't remember the last meal I had that didn't include at least dairy or eggs as a protein source, even if it was meatless. (I love hummus, but I have to eat a metric ton of it to hit my numbers.)

ETA: I'd totally be trying the vegan food, I'd just probably have to supplement the protein is all. Even my protein shakes are whey protein, which comes from animals, though.

Idk what I'd do, but luckily as far as I know none of our guests has that issue. do have a known peanut allergy on s/os side and have made sure all vendors we looked at are able to be free of contaminates though!

hanckypanky · June 2014

mrshutzler said:

hanckypanky said:

& like I said, there's such a huge variety that if they literally can't find one thing they'd like, I think it'd be because they're determined to hate vegan food on principle.

I hate it on the principle that it never tastes good, and I am friends with a vegan chef. Do whatever you want. Eat only onions if that's what you want... just don't make me do it. I conducted a recent workplace satisfaction survery and the backyard hens I get my eggs from feel very content in their safe, predator-free outdoor environment and don't feel abused or exploited at all. Ditto my neighbor's bees.
yeah, I sincerely don't care to get onto an ethics debate with you.

jdluvr06 · June 2014

mrshutzler said:

hanckypanky said:

NYCBruin said:

mrshutzler said:

Not serving meat is one thing; Making everyone eat vegan is another. I can handle having some foods without meat or a cheese/tomato pasta dish. If the cheese is fake tofu cheese, though? Not so much. Give people a variety of choices. You can even have a vegan option or two. Don't make everyone forgo eggs and milk or honey or cheese just because you choose to. Sorry, but I don't agree that everyone will be fine with all-vegan options. I would have had a mutiny on my hands if I had done that to my guests.

Do you really ONLY eat food with meat, cheese, eggs, milk and honey in them??

Offering only vegan choices isn't "forcing" someone to eat vegan. Non-vegans eat "vegan" foods all the time.

And I intentionally avoid eating vegan because my body self destructs if I don't eat liver every day (srsly, it's the only thing that keeps my skin nice and my anemia in check) Very few of my meals would be considered vegan. I even put fish or boiled eggs on my lunch salads. Go ahead and make your guests eat vegan. Just don't be surprised if a whole bunch of them turn their noses up at the food because I probably would.

You won't die not having animal products for dinner one day of your life.

I didn't say anyone would die, I'm just saying they won't enjoy it. Nobody dies from having a crappy time. If one is cool with like 70% of the guests pretending to eat the food and then throwing it away (true story happened at that birthday party I went to... everyone was throwing food away when nobody was looking), then by all means... serve vegan food!

For some reason I have a feeling that isn't what would typically happen. I've been to vegan events before and most people didn't even notice until after they have eaten and someone points it out. I kind of think someone would have to be super super into meat and dairy to even notice without someone pointing it out.

JoanE2012 · June 2014

No, it's not rude to not serve meat. I would be fine with it, provided there was something a bit more "mainstream". DH would be ok with it, though he'd probably grumble a bit and we'd most likely stop somewhere on the way home so he could get a sandwich. My father is a meat and potatoes eater. He doesn't really care for pasta, and I know most other vegetarian dishes really wouldn't satisfy him (if he even ate it). I could see this being a theme with most of the "older" men in my family (and some in DHs). Food is one of the only things people remember at a wedding, so sadly, the men in my family wouldn't remember it favorably. But you know your guests best.

OwningAHome1981 · June 2014

offensivekitten2 said:

If it's not rude to exclude pork from a Jewish wedding, then it's not rude to exclude meat from a vegan wedding. It's a belief as valid as any other. Hosts shouldn't be asked to violate thier moral beliefs just so someone can stuff thier face with thier favorite food.

I think Judaism and Veganism are completely different though. Jewish people cannot have pork at their weddings b/c it is against their religion and the venues won't allow it. Veganism is a choice, you aren't born into it - you are born into Judaism. Of course if you are Jewish you don't HAVE to obey the customs if you don't want to - but it's different b/c Jewish venues and officiants have very strict rules. I would never expect pork @ a Jewish wedding but if the couple was vegan, I would at least hope they'd serve meat. It's not required and I'm not a meat snob, but if I am drinking, I'd like to think I'd have some protein and somewhat of a cushion in me... plus a big fat juicy steak is just amazing!

hanckypanky · June 2014

You can't argue using Jewish examples, as I was Jewish until I was 19

My moral convictions about veganism are stronger than my Jewish ones were. Like I said, I'd rather change the entire wedding time than pay for animal cruelty.

offensivekitten2 · June 2014

hanckypanky said:
You can't argue using Jewish examples, as I was Jewish until I was 19

My moral convictions about veganism are stronger than my Jewish ones were. Like I said, I'd rather change the entire wedding time than pay for animal cruelty.

That's exactly my point. It's a deeply held conviction and way of life. Some people feel deeper about it than religion. People telling you to just nut up and serve meat are being disrespectful. Not eating meat for one meal isn't the end of days.

theartistformerlyknownas · June 2014

I would fully expect a vegan couple to have a vegan wedding. Honestly, I'd judge you if you DID go against such strong beliefs and serve animal products.

I agree with the suggestion of providing some type of a menu beforehand just so people can kind of mentally prepare - I love a lot of vegan foods, but try not to eat too much soy. If I knew everything was going to be tofu based, I'd probably eat on the way there and then just snack. I would never turn my nose up at you as the host though; I would graciously accept what was given and just supplement it a bit. And anything that was sweet potato, butternut squash, or portabella mushroom based I would hug you for.

I'm not serving beef at my wedding, because I liked the chicken and salmon options better. If anyone wants to judge me for that, they're the rude one.

monkeysip · June 2014

OwningAHome1981 said:

offensivekitten2 said:

If it's not rude to exclude pork from a Jewish wedding, then it's not rude to exclude meat from a vegan wedding. It's a belief as valid as any other. Hosts shouldn't be asked to violate thier moral beliefs just so someone can stuff thier face with thier favorite food.

I think Judaism and Veganism are completely different though. Jewish people cannot have pork at their weddings b/c it is against their religion and the venues won't allow it. Veganism is a choice, you aren't born into it - you are born into Judaism. Of course if you are Jewish you don't HAVE to obey the customs if you don't want to - but it's different b/c Jewish venues and officiants have very strict rules. I would never expect pork @ a Jewish wedding but if the couple was vegan, I would at least hope they'd serve meat. It's not required and I'm not a meat snob, but if I am drinking, I'd like to think I'd have some protein and somewhat of a cushion in me... plus a big fat juicy steak is just amazing!

I don't get this... following Judaism is just as much a choice as Veganism. Unless you're a child, you make a conscious choice to follow your religion and its customs. And just because something is a choice doesn't mean you don't have just as strong convictions.

I know some vegans are vegans because of dietary preferences or something (not that there is anything wrong with that), but if you're a vegan because of ethical beliefs about animals, then I would definitely expect you to live that belief and not have animals products at your wedding.

NYCBruin · June 2014

mrshutzler said:

hanckypanky said:

& like I said, there's such a huge variety that if they literally can't find one thing they'd like, I think it'd be because they're determined to hate vegan food on principle.

I hate it on the principle that it never tastes good, and I am friends with a vegan chef. Do whatever you want. Eat only onions if that's what you want... just don't make me do it. I conducted a recent workplace satisfaction survery and the backyard hens I get my eggs from feel very content in their safe, predator-free outdoor environment and don't feel abused or exploited at all. Ditto my neighbor's bees.

-----------------

I think you're a perfect example of the wedding guest that won't be pleased if things aren't exactly YOUR way.

To the OP, if one of your guests is upset because they simply can't not eat animal products for a whopping 6 hours of their lives that's on them, not on you.

Also, the example of a portobello burger party is not remotely similar to a wedding with multiple vegan entire options. Unless of course you've already decided to hate something without trying it, you know, like children do

NYCBruin · June 2014

monkeysip said:

OwningAHome1981 said:

offensivekitten2 said:

If it's not rude to exclude pork from a Jewish wedding, then it's not rude to exclude meat from a vegan wedding. It's a belief as valid as any other. Hosts shouldn't be asked to violate thier moral beliefs just so someone can stuff thier face with thier favorite food.

I think Judaism and Veganism are completely different though. Jewish people cannot have pork at their weddings b/c it is against their religion and the venues won't allow it. Veganism is a choice, you aren't born into it - you are born into Judaism. Of course if you are Jewish you don't HAVE to obey the customs if you don't want to - but it's different b/c Jewish venues and officiants have very strict rules. I would never expect pork @ a Jewish wedding but if the couple was vegan, I would at least hope they'd serve meat. It's not required and I'm not a meat snob, but if I am drinking, I'd like to think I'd have some protein and somewhat of a cushion in me... plus a big fat juicy steak is just amazing!

I don't get this... following Judaism is just as much a choice as Veganism. Unless you're a child, you make a conscious choice to follow your religion and its customs. And just because something is a choice doesn't mean you don't have just as strong convictions.

I know some vegans are vegans because of dietary preferences or something (not that there is anything wrong with that), but if you're a vegan because of ethical beliefs about animals, then I would definitely expect you to live that belief and not have animals products at your wedding.

--------

So much this!

emcme22 · June 2014

Honestly I really don't eat anything plant based, so I know I would have a really hard, if not impossible time finding something to eat at this kind of wedding. All I can think of I would eat would be a pasta(I'm assuming theres a vegan version of pasta without eggs but I could be wrong?) and cake. However I know I am the exception, not the rule and most people aren't like me. Also while I completely understand the choice to be vegetarian I don't as much understand veganism.

All of that being said though I do not think it is rude to only serve vegan food at your reception. It makes sense to me that is what you would do and as a guest I would not complain, just eat beforehand or maybe stop on the way home, not a big deal. I also suggest putting option on your website beforehand so people know what to expect.

hanckypanky · June 2014

emcmac87 said:
Honestly I really don't eat anything plant based, so I know I would have a really hard, if not impossible time finding something to eat at this kind of wedding. All I can think of I would eat would be a pasta(I'm assuming theres a vegan version of pasta without eggs but I could be wrong?) and cake. However I know I am the exception, not the rule and most people aren't like me. Also while I completely understand the choice to be vegetarian I don't as much understand veganism.

All of that being said though I do not think it is rude to only serve vegan food at your reception. It makes sense to me that is what you would do and as a guest I would not complain, just eat beforehand or maybe stop on the way home, not a big deal. I also suggest putting option on your website beforehand so people know what to expect.

Most pasta is vegan actually, unless it's handmade. There's no pasta option at the truck we're probably going with. There is pizza though. Who can resist pizza??

I don't understand vegetarianism, myself, so.

Nymeru · June 2014

I don't see how anyone could be offended by this. If they know you well enough to be invited to your wedding, they should understand how you feel about food. It doesn't seem that this should come as a shock to anyone. Vegan food can be absolutely delicious! If you have a good menu, it doesn't matter whether there are any meat dishes on it.

beethery · June 2014

I make italian food that could easily work for vegetarians, and sometimes vegans all the time. I don't even think about it. It's not that big of a thing if you do it right, and you don't have to load stuff down with tofu just to make things vegan or vegetarian.

Also, any non-veg will have all day to get their meat products in with breakfast and lunch.

ashleyep · June 2014

hanckypanky said:

Honestly I really don't eat anything plant based, so I know I would have a really hard, if not impossible time finding something to eat at this kind of wedding. All I can think of I would eat would be a pasta(I'm assuming theres a vegan version of pasta without eggs but I could be wrong?) and cake. However I know I am the exception, not the rule and most people aren't like me. Also while I completely understand the choice to be vegetarian I don't as much understand veganism.

All of that being said though I do not think it is rude to only serve vegan food at your reception. It makes sense to me that is what you would do and as a guest I would not complain, just eat beforehand or maybe stop on the way home, not a big deal. I also suggest putting option on your website beforehand so people know what to expect.
Most pasta is vegan actually, unless it's handmade. There's no pasta option at the truck we're probably going with. There is pizza though. Who can resist pizza?? I don't understand vegetarianism, myself, so.

What's the pizza? No cheese on it obviously?

misshart00 · June 2014

I love my meat, pretty much eat it with every meal. That being said, I think it's fine to serve a vegan meal for your wedding. Like PP said, I would probably have at least one dish that's fairly mainstream, like a pasta so it doesn't seem so "foreign" to meat eaters.

And to be honest, I would probably try something other than the pasta because when else am I going to get to try something like that, kwim?

theartistformerlyknownas · June 2014

ashleyep said:

hanckypanky said:

Honestly I really don't eat anything plant based, so I know I would have a really hard, if not impossible time finding something to eat at this kind of wedding. All I can think of I would eat would be a pasta(I'm assuming theres a vegan version of pasta without eggs but I could be wrong?) and cake. However I know I am the exception, not the rule and most people aren't like me. Also while I completely understand the choice to be vegetarian I don't as much understand veganism.

All of that being said though I do not think it is rude to only serve vegan food at your reception. It makes sense to me that is what you would do and as a guest I would not complain, just eat beforehand or maybe stop on the way home, not a big deal. I also suggest putting option on your website beforehand so people know what to expect.
Most pasta is vegan actually, unless it's handmade. There's no pasta option at the truck we're probably going with. There is pizza though. Who can resist pizza?? I don't understand vegetarianism, myself, so.

What's the pizza? No cheese on it obviously?

Hopefully cashew cheese. Nummy nummy.

Lauramae980 · June 2014

My friend graduated grad school and had a party. The only vegan there was her. It was at a very nice Vegan restaurant and we all had a lovely time. It was nice to try new things and the food was quite tasty and refreshing for a hot evening.

BTW: We did joke around a lot about the fact that it was vegan, but it was all in good humor. Also, we realized that we were invited guests getting a meal paid for that included drinks. We wanted to be there for our friend and this was important to her.

Personally, I do like food trucks, but only as a side option to avoid long lines.

is it rude to not serve meat?

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