Wedding Etiquette Forum

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  • MagicInk said:
    I just want to share that I got drunk last night. $5 martini and manis Monday at a local gay bar. It was fantastic. I mean I spent $40, my nails are fantastic and I got wasted on yummy drinks. Guys...its the best thing ever.

    And then I got in a cab, came home and watched Veronica Mars until I passed out on the couch. And now I'm at work like a regular grown up lady.
    I wish we had something like this in our area!
    We have the opposite!  In our area, there's a salon / spa called Studio Raw - it's quite risque and absolutely wonderful.  They've held hoedowns, cabarets, Mardi Gras parties... they've done nude calendar shoots with their staff... and the salon has an open bar and free cupcakes.  I shit you not, this place must be Heaven on earth. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Mr. Bean Flipping the Bird
  • We have the opposite!  In our area, there's a salon / spa called Studio Raw - it's quite risque and absolutely wonderful.  They've held hoedowns, cabarets, Mardi Gras parties... they've done nude calendar shoots with their staff... and the salon has an open bar and free cupcakes.  I shit you not, this place must be Heaven on earth. 
    I'd sit through a manicure if I could get free cupcakes.  

  • I got drunk last night off one margarita (partly because I'm a lightweight, partly because I was dehydrated and drank anyway). Today I woke up feeling fine and went to work.

    How irresponsible of me.
  • I basically live in a magical world where everyone drinks for every occasion and this concept of NO BOOZE EVER is very foreign to me. 

    I honestly don't understand it.


    This. For sure. My family plays power hour on Christmas, aptly called Happy Birthday Jesus power hour, so this concept is baffleing to me too
  • I was rather drunk at my own wedding not so long ago. So were many of my guests. Everyone behaved themselves - there were no fights, no shouting, no one lost control of their bodily functions. But there was a ton of dancing, laughing, great story-telling, and awesome pictures from the day... and from the bar-crawling we did after the reception. The best part is that I remember everything.
    ~*~*~*~*~

  • lyndausvi said:
    I basically live in a magical world where everyone drinks for every occasion and this concept of NO BOOZE EVER is very foreign to me. 

    I honestly don't understand it.


    YES!!!

    Honestly I do "get" people being opposed to alcohol.  I just don't understand the OP situation.  She is okay with wineries, but is completely obsessed with the thought of maybe 4 of her guests getting drunk.  

    Now maybe it's just me, but I'm a drinker.  I have been to a lot of parties around the world.  I've also worked numerous parties in my lifetime.   In my experience  when at an event with a lot of non-drinkers drinkers tend to hold it back a little.   Atmosphere dictates their drinking habits.  So if everyone is drinking  they will tend to drink more to keep up with the crowd so-to-speak.  If no one is drinking  they tend to just have a glass of wine or a few beers or none at all. 

    Even if these 4 people do like to drink hard, it's unlikely they are going to be partying like they are at a frat party when everyone else isn't drinking.  Especially with only 10 other people, some of which are not part of their own family.  At least in my experience it doesn't work that way.   

    ::shrugs::
    I just don't get why she's so quick to assume those 4 guests won't respect that her and her fiancé don't like alcohol and will choose to not get wasted. I can have a weekend out with my girlfriends and get wasted, but if I was going to the wedding of a family member who I knew didn't drink, I certainly wouldn't act the same way. I'm not going to be in the backyard of the house you rented doing shots. I'll have a few beers and relax and respect that you don't like to be around drunk people.
    Anniversary

  • AddieCake said:
    Will there be any skinny dipping in the lake?
    I
    ashleyep said:
    lyndausvi said:
    I basically live in a magical world where everyone drinks for every occasion and this concept of NO BOOZE EVER is very foreign to me. 

    I honestly don't understand it.


    YES!!!

    Honestly I do "get" people being opposed to alcohol.  I just don't understand the OP situation.  She is okay with wineries, but is completely obsessed with the thought of maybe 4 of her guests getting drunk.  

    Now maybe it's just me, but I'm a drinker.  I have been to a lot of parties around the world.  I've also worked numerous parties in my lifetime.   In my experience  when at an event with a lot of non-drinkers drinkers tend to hold it back a little.   Atmosphere dictates their drinking habits.  So if everyone is drinking  they will tend to drink more to keep up with the crowd so-to-speak.  If no one is drinking  they tend to just have a glass of wine or a few beers or none at all. 

    Even if these 4 people do like to drink hard, it's unlikely they are going to be partying like they are at a frat party when everyone else isn't drinking.  Especially with only 10 other people, some of which are not part of their own family.  At least in my experience it doesn't work that way.   

    ::shrugs::
    I just don't get why she's so quick to assume those 4 guests won't respect that her and her fiancé don't like alcohol and will choose to not get wasted. I can have a weekend out with my girlfriends and get wasted, but if I was going to the wedding of a family member who I knew didn't drink, I certainly wouldn't act the same way. I'm not going to be in the backyard of the house you rented doing shots. I'll have a few beers and relax and respect that you don't like to be around drunk people.
    Yeah, here's where I'm at too. If I was on vacation with my parents, I'd still grab a couple bottles of wine and H would grab some random local 12 pack for the weekend. But we'd lounge on the deck around while having a drink or two because my family's atmosphere is not a party party thing. 

    With H's parents, we'd bring a couple bottles of bourbon and a case of bud light and be prepared to sit on a pontoon all day, knocking back drink after drink. That's just how they roll.

    Heck, even my various friend groups, I determine what I bring and how much I'll drink based on the crowd that'll be there. 
    image
  • She seems to be very judgmental about alcohol, putting it in the "bad" category, so I don't think any amount of drinking would be OK for her. It's not just a preference thing. Drinking is a social ill and twisted and doing it in her presence is disrespectful and a personal insult. At least that's what I'm getting out of this. Frankly, I don't need to be seen or treated like an errant alcohol abuser for liking my vodka/sodas. Just sounds like a bad scene. What is she going to do, search everyone's luggage, do sobriety tests, burst out in tears if someone appears tipsy?
  • The OP would probably hate my group of friends. We got so drunk Saturday night that I can't remember everything. It has been years since I've drank so much. It was awesome!
  • mimivac said:
    She seems to be very judgmental about alcohol, putting it in the "bad" category, so I don't think any amount of drinking would be OK for her. It's not just a preference thing. Drinking is a social ill and twisted and doing it in her presence is disrespectful and a personal insult. At least that's what I'm getting out of this. Frankly, I don't need to be seen or treated like an errant alcohol abuser for liking my vodka/sodas. Just sounds like a bad scene. What is she going to do, search everyone's luggage, do sobriety tests, burst out in tears if someone appears tipsy?
    We used to do the sobriety tests as drinking games in college....
    image
  • AddieCake said:
    Will there be any skinny dipping in the lake?

    @AddieCake, If I were at this wedding weekend, I would be skinny dipping in the kitchen sink just to get a little entertainment going....
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • mimivac said:
     
    Because perhaps these guests aren't actually drinking to the point of being "uncontrolled" and don't care to pander to the Bride's controlling histrionics?

    I have a hard time believing the judgement and accuracy of a person who can manage to go out to wineries to have a meal but the thought of a relative having a glass of wine in front of her at this lake house would reduce her to tears.

    She sounds like my mom. When I first started living on my own, I still had my credit card statements going to my parents' house. She would open them and see charges from a corner convenience store that she  knew also sold wine. Not like a hundred charges. Just one or two. Normal stuff. She believed that women shouldn't drink, that it was course, manly behavior. She asked me if I was an alcoholic (never having seen me drink, just inferring from the credit card statements).

    Years passed and I drank a glass of wine on vacation with her and she asked if I was an addict. In her mind, having a glass of wine meant you were "drunk and out of control," no matter how you actually acted. This is where the OP seems to be coming from.

    Your mom needs a cocktail. 
    image

  • lyndausvi said:
    Emmy211 said:
    I basically live in a magical world where everyone drinks for every occasion and this concept of NO BOOZE EVER is very foreign to me. 

    I honestly don't understand it.


    This. For sure. My family plays power hour on Christmas, aptly called Happy Birthday Jesus power hour, so this concept is baffleing to me too
    My great aunt never married or had kids.  She had a special savings account for her own wake.  She gave access to the account to one of her nieces with instructions on how the money was to be spent.  

     She died at age 84.  That was one hell of a party.  Lots of food and booze.  I would say 150+ people 85 or so percent drinkers (the others were underage).  Some even drunk.

    To this day when I hear Amazing Grace I think of her.
    Your dearly departed great aunt is my hero.

  • lyndausvi said:
    Emmy211 said:
    I basically live in a magical world where everyone drinks for every occasion and this concept of NO BOOZE EVER is very foreign to me. 

    I honestly don't understand it.


    This. For sure. My family plays power hour on Christmas, aptly called Happy Birthday Jesus power hour, so this concept is baffleing to me too
    My great aunt never married or had kids.  She had a special savings account for her own wake.  She gave access to the account to one of her nieces with instructions on how the money was to be spent.  

     She died at age 84.  That was one hell of a party.  Lots of food and booze.  I would say 150+ people 85 or so percent drinkers (the others were underage).  Some even drunk.

    To this day when I hear Amazing Grace I think of her.
    Your dearly departed great aunt is my hero.
    She was pretty awesome.   

    Although, that is pretty much how our wakes go.  I remember just turing 21 when my grandma died.    She died on a Thursday, funeral was on Monday. Basically my aunt's house was an open house for those 5 days. 100 or more people filtered in during that time.  My aunt and uncle had a kegerator in their house.   I had to drive to get a new keg on both Friday and Sunday.    I had to get the keg because my car wasn't blocked in and I was finally of age.   

    I'm pretty sure there was a keg on tap in that house for a good 20 years straight until her husband died.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • lyndausvi said:

    lyndausvi said:
    Emmy211 said:
    I basically live in a magical world where everyone drinks for every occasion and this concept of NO BOOZE EVER is very foreign to me. 

    I honestly don't understand it.


    This. For sure. My family plays power hour on Christmas, aptly called Happy Birthday Jesus power hour, so this concept is baffleing to me too
    My great aunt never married or had kids.  She had a special savings account for her own wake.  She gave access to the account to one of her nieces with instructions on how the money was to be spent.  

     She died at age 84.  That was one hell of a party.  Lots of food and booze.  I would say 150+ people 85 or so percent drinkers (the others were underage).  Some even drunk.

    To this day when I hear Amazing Grace I think of her.
    Your dearly departed great aunt is my hero.
    She was pretty awesome.   

    Although, that is pretty much how our wakes go.  I remember just turing 21 when my grandma died.    She died on a Thursday, funeral was on Monday. Basically my aunt's house was an open house for those 5 days. 100 or more people filtered in during that time.  My aunt and uncle had a kegerator in their house.   I had to drive to get a new keg on both Friday and Sunday.    I had to get the keg because my car wasn't blocked in and I was finally of age.   

    I'm pretty sure there was a keg on tap in that house for a good 20 years straight until her husband died.
    My grandmother passed away not long after I turned 21.  My mom got entertaining insisting that we honor her Mexican heritage by doing tequila shots after the funeral.  She somehow even got my super Evangelical, no booze drinking cousin to do a shot. 
  • FiancBFiancB member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    FiancB said:
    mimivac, I have a friend whose mom is like that as well. She also saw some costume boots from halloween and assumed my friend was whoring herself out. 

     OP seems long gone but if not I'm really curious to hear more details about these relatives that sound like they lose control of their bowels every time they look at a glass of beer. Sounds fascinating. I would like to make a case study.
    Sometimes I have to try really hard to not laugh out loud when reading these boards at work. Now is one of those times.
    I did have a bio professor that said he had some kind of genetic disorder that makes him super sensitive to alcohol, and one sip really does make him falling down drunk. I think it's probably safe to say that this doesn't run in OP's family though.
    image
  • We are not changing our wedding plans. My fiance doesn't think that his family is going to have any problems with it. I didn't ask for opinons, and I'm still not. I am not being rude, controlling, or insensible. It just makes me uncomfortable. It is my pocketbook and therefore my house for the time we are there. To answer some of your previous questions, there are only 4 people who would be interested in drinking during the entire weekend. @flantastic, I am not wrong. You are unkind.
    *sitb* You are right, your house, your pocketbook, your rules. Just don't be too upset when people either don't come, or book a hotel. It is not because there would be no alcohol there, it would be because you decided to dictate everyone's *nearly* week.
  • FiancB said:
    FiancB said:
    mimivac, I have a friend whose mom is like that as well. She also saw some costume boots from halloween and assumed my friend was whoring herself out. 

     OP seems long gone but if not I'm really curious to hear more details about these relatives that sound like they lose control of their bowels every time they look at a glass of beer. Sounds fascinating. I would like to make a case study.
    Sometimes I have to try really hard to not laugh out loud when reading these boards at work. Now is one of those times.
    I did have a bio professor that said he had some kind of genetic disorder that makes him super sensitive to alcohol, and one sip really does make him falling down drunk. I think it's probably safe to say that this doesn't run in OP's family though.
    I grew up with a lot of these types - and still know many who have intensely negative reactions to alcohol. MY BIL is one of them; he once wouldn't help my mother open a bottle of wine she was going to cook risotto with. Not drink, just risotto, dude. 

    For moral reasons, drunkeness is a no-no, which I can understand - it can help you do silly and stupid things. 

    But instead of trying to work out why excessive drinking can be a problem for many people (alcoholics or no) and how to handle it in moderation or simply decide to abstain, alcohol itself becomes the sin instead of the behaviors produced when intoxicated. 

    So alcohol consumption = sin, instead of acting like a drunk asshole = sin
    image
  • PDKH said:


    FiancB said:




    FiancB said:

    mimivac, I have a friend whose mom is like that as well. She also saw some costume boots from halloween and assumed my friend was whoring herself out. 

     OP seems long gone but if not I'm really curious to hear more details about these relatives that sound like they lose control of their bowels every time they look at a glass of beer. Sounds fascinating. I would like to make a case study.

    Sometimes I have to try really hard to not laugh out loud when reading these boards at work. Now is one of those times.

    I did have a bio professor that said he had some kind of genetic disorder that makes him super sensitive to alcohol, and one sip really does make him falling down drunk. I think it's probably safe to say that this doesn't run in OP's family though.


    I grew up with a lot of these types - and still know many who have intensely negative reactions to alcohol. MY BIL is one of them; he once wouldn't help my mother open a bottle of wine she was going to cook risotto with. Not drink, just risotto, dude. 

    For moral reasons, drunkeness is a no-no, which I can understand - it can help you do silly and stupid things. 

    But instead of trying to work out why excessive drinking can be a problem for many people (alcoholics or no) and how to handle it in moderation or simply decide to abstain, alcohol itself becomes the sin instead of the behaviors produced when intoxicated. 

    So alcohol consumption = sin, instead of acting like a drunk asshole = sin


    A large portion of the world's population cannot produce enough of the enzyme required to metabolize alcohol, and thus "cannot handle their liquor. "

    What you said about sin reminds me of that ridiculous woman who wrote a blog post asking other women "to stay out of her marriage" and not post bikini pictures so as to temp her husband, rather than laying any responsibility for being tempted on her husband.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • Only those who want to stay are going to stay. It isn't required. They can pay for their own $200-400/night hotel room if they'd like to. All for a glass of wine, I guess.
    Also, it wouldn't be just for a glass or a whole bottle of wine...it is about them being comfortable as well, but you know as long as YOU are comfortable nothing else matters...
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