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The dreaded "gap"

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Re: The dreaded "gap"

  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    AddieCake said:
    Just because there is something to do doesn't mean guests will want to do it or should have to do it. 
    This.  It just doesn't justify a gap.
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  • glridzonglridzon member
    First Comment
    Very well said, Karlyn4.  Who cares?  If they don't want to deal with it, don't come.  That simple.  It's ONE FREAKING DAY.  Get over yourselves and let the bride and groom be comfortable with their day.  
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  • JMS62415JMS62415 member
    Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary
    The only time I've ever had a problem with a gap was when it was 3 hours long. It was way too long because I didn't want to eat when I knew I'd be eating dinner at the reception and it made me want to go home. I wasn't excited about it anymore after the first hour and a half. I don't mind waiting a bit but no more than an hour or so. 
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  • smhubbelsmhubbel member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    I think that a lot of people end up having a gap in the day. Maybe if you suggested good places for your out of town guests to go during that time. Is there anything close by that would be interesting/convenient/entertaining for your guests to do during that time? For me, I live in a tourist town with a really nice downtown area that isn't very far away from both venues. There are cute little shops as well as classy restaurants/bars that people could hang out in. The hotel having a bar area is possibly good. Although if there is a family that needs to check in to the hotel, they might not want to bring their small children to the bar. 

    Have you talked to the hotel? Maybe if you discussed this with your contact there they might be willing to make an exception and allow your guests to check in a tiny bit early. I mean, it is only a half hour. 

    Even if the ceremony is over by 3:30, a lot of guests stick around a bit longer to congratulate you, chat with each other, take pictures, etc. Maybe make sure you do bubbles or throwing rice or something outside so everyone has a reason to stick around for about 10 minutes more. If you do the bubble blowing, little kids will definitely be kept occupied and parents will not need to sit with a cranky kid in a hotel bar, and it is not extra clean up for the church for their 4 pm mass. Then, by the time they leave the church, they will get to the hotel right in time for check-in. Families with kids will be able to go to the room and hang out for a bit. I personally like a bit of quiet time in my day. Other guests can go to the bar or whatnot. Other people who are from the area can go home for a bit (for example, I would need to go home and let my dogs out) or do whatever really since they are from the area I am sure they will keep themselves entertained. 
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  • LondonLisaLondonLisa member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    smhubbel said:
    I think that a lot of people end up having a gap in the day. Maybe if you suggested good places for your out of town guests to go during that time. Is there anything close by that would be interesting/convenient/entertaining for your guests to do during that time? For me, I live in a tourist town with a really nice downtown area that isn't very far away from both venues. There are cute little shops as well as classy restaurants/bars that people could hang out in. The hotel having a bar area is possibly good. Although if there is a family that needs to check in to the hotel, they might not want to bring their small children to the bar. 

    Have you talked to the hotel? Maybe if you discussed this with your contact there they might be willing to make an exception and allow your guests to check in a tiny bit early. I mean, it is only a half hour. 

    Even if the ceremony is over by 3:30, a lot of guests stick around a bit longer to congratulate you, chat with each other, take pictures, etc. Maybe make sure you do bubbles or throwing rice or something outside so everyone has a reason to stick around for about 10 minutes more. If you do the bubble blowing, little kids will definitely be kept occupied and parents will not need to sit with a cranky kid in a hotel bar, and it is not extra clean up for the church for their 4 pm mass. Then, by the time they leave the church, they will get to the hotel right in time for check-in. Families with kids will be able to go to the room and hang out for a bit. I personally like a bit of quiet time in my day. Other guests can go to the bar or whatnot. Other people who are from the area can go home for a bit (for example, I would need to go home and let my dogs out) or do whatever really since they are from the area I am sure they will keep themselves entertained. 
    Don't forget to add a hair salon to the required places to go whilst you are taking pictures in a definitely-not-crass-and-tacky gap.This way, your guests and attendants can ensure they have bride-approved hair styles. Because who wants a guest or attendant with tacky hair "that looks like crap" at a traditional, classic event?http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/1033260/bridesmaid-with-tacky-highlights/p1




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  • pineapplesmoothiepineapplesmoothie member
    Name Dropper First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment

    I can speak to this situation as a bartender who has worked in "wine country" area, which hosts tons of weddings. 

    I have seen tons and tons of wedding guests who come to the bar and slam drinks in the 45 minutes they have to kill between the ceremony and reception.  So at least on the central coast of California, the gap is happening and guests are glad to put a few back on their own dime before they go to the cocktail hour.

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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    centralcoastbride said:

    I can speak to this situation as a bartender who has worked in "wine country" area, which hosts tons of weddings. 

    I have seen tons and tons of wedding guests who come to the bar and slam drinks in the 45 minutes they have to kill between the ceremony and reception.  So at least on the central coast of California, the gap is happening and guests are glad to put a few back on their own dime before they go to the cocktail hour.

    How did you know they were happy about it?  H and I would probably slam drinks back as well, not because we are happy to be spending our money when we should actually be hosted, but rather we have nothing better to do and need to fill the gap some how.

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  • pineapplesmoothiepineapplesmoothie member
    Name Dropper First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited August 2014
    southernbelle0915 said:
    centralcoastbride said:

    I can speak to this situation as a bartender who has worked in "wine country" area, which hosts tons of weddings. 

    I have seen tons and tons of wedding guests who come to the bar and slam drinks in the 45 minutes they have to kill between the ceremony and reception.  So at least on the central coast of California, the gap is happening and guests are glad to put a few back on their own dime before they go to the cocktail hour.




    **************************No Boxes - Thanks TK!!!**********************************




    How amazing. You, as a bartender, have served 100% of the wedding guests on the central coast of California. And wow!!! Every single person offered this information to you: "I am so glad to be paying for this drink myself. I would much rather pay for this myself during this wedding gap than be hosted by the B&G and already at the reception venue." Just amazing. Go you!

    /*sarcasm - Oh wait, that didn't happen. You're just taking your personal experience, pretending you're a mind reader and generalizing for a giant region of California. 




    Ok, I see your point.  It might be cool to talk to people in a more positive way.  I shouldn't have spoke in such generalities.  I should have said that the many people I have personally served in this situation seemed jovial and not grumbling.  Your reply really feels a little extreme.

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  • pineapplesmoothiepineapplesmoothie member
    Name Dropper First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    Maggie0829 said:
    centralcoastbride said:

    I can speak to this situation as a bartender who has worked in "wine country" area, which hosts tons of weddings. 

    I have seen tons and tons of wedding guests who come to the bar and slam drinks in the 45 minutes they have to kill between the ceremony and reception.  So at least on the central coast of California, the gap is happening and guests are glad to put a few back on their own dime before they go to the cocktail hour.

    How did you know they were happy about it?  H and I would probably slam drinks back as well, not because we are happy to be spending our money when we should actually be hosted, but rather we have nothing better to do and need to fill the gap some how.
    I definitely misspoke.  I should have said the people I served seemed to be happy and in a celebratory mood, despite having to kill some time.  They did not appear put-out by the gap between events.  I also should have said that in my experience, in the region I have worked this seems to happen a lot.  I'll be more concise when I post on the forums here.  I should not have generalized.
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited August 2014
    centralcoastbride said:
    southernbelle0915 said:
    centralcoastbride said:

    I can speak to this situation as a bartender who has worked in "wine country" area, which hosts tons of weddings. 

    I have seen tons and tons of wedding guests who come to the bar and slam drinks in the 45 minutes they have to kill between the ceremony and reception.  So at least on the central coast of California, the gap is happening and guests are glad to put a few back on their own dime before they go to the cocktail hour.




    **************************No Boxes - Thanks TK!!!**********************************




    How amazing. You, as a bartender, have served 100% of the wedding guests on the central coast of California. And wow!!! Every single person offered this information to you: "I am so glad to be paying for this drink myself. I would much rather pay for this myself during this wedding gap than be hosted by the B&G and already at the reception venue." Just amazing. Go you!

    /*sarcasm - Oh wait, that didn't happen. You're just taking your personal experience, pretending you're a mind reader and generalizing for a giant region of California. 

    Ok, I see your point.  It might be cool to talk to people in a more positive way.  I shouldn't have spoke in such generalities.  I should have said that the many people I have personally served in this situation seemed jovial and not grumbling.  Your reply really feels a little extreme.

    _____________________________________________________________

    The reply probably feels extreme because it matched the extreme generalizing of your post. The take home message is that 1) gaps aren't cool 2) people might SEEM ok with it, but they're really not. 

    I've been to a shit ton of weddings with gaps - one side of the family is Italian Catholic so they use the church time as an excuse to justify their rude, unhosted gap. I've never once said anything to the B&G about how terribly rude I think their gap is. And I certainly don't talk it up to bartenders or waiters (positive or negative). I might be someone that you, as a bartender, would think "well, this girl has no problem buying this drink and chillin before the reception"... when really I'm like "this sucks, why the fuck am in wedding clothes at the corner bar just waiting for this reception to begin."

    ETF: boxes...
    *********************************************************************************

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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Everyone always thinks people are "ok" with things simply b/c said people don't openly speak up or grumble publicly about them, and that's not always the case. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I seriously can't wrap my head around the idea that people are HAPPY to kill 45 minutes while waiting for a reception to start, spending money on drinks. 
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    ClimbingBrideNY said:
    I seriously can't wrap my head around the idea that people are HAPPY to kill 45 minutes while waiting for a reception to start, spending money on drinks. 
    That's because that idea is total bullshit!  No one happily wastes their own money and time while waiting for a reception where they assume they wil be properly hosted.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • Knottie07105373Knottie07105373 member
    First Comment
    So I have two wedding experiences : weddings in my home state of Tennessee, where the reception is no more than two hours long, completely dry (no alcohol), and only a buffet of appetizers are served, so no dinner.

    Then I moved up to Minnesota for my now-fiance, where the norm is to have afternoon weddings, with a gap, a cocktail hour, a plated dinner, and an evening reception going well into the night.

    Now we are planning our wedding and blending these two wedding backgrounds. The Minnesotans, which account for more than half the guest list, are the ones traveling 1,000 miles away to celebrate our wedding day with us in my hometown. I want them to be as comfortable as possible. I was not comfortable with a gap at first, but FH's family and friends have all advised us to do one for our Catholic wedding. They are accustomed to this and fully expect a late night reception. Southern reception venues in my hometown aren't comfortable going more than 5 hours and my guests are NOT interested in the party ending at 9pm. On the other hand, our Tennessee guests are all impressed and excited about a wedding with a cocktail hour, dinner, and alcohol (it's really unheard of where I'm from). 

    Everyone, whether they are traveling to the wedding or live in my hometown, are prepared to make a day of the event. We did not invite any guests who are not committed to our celebration or would be petty about the gap. If they don't like it, don't come. Couples put a lot of thought into guest lists, and we were very selective to only invite people who are supportive and important to us. The people in our life are very laid back and grateful to be invited.

    You may say having a gap is poor etiquette, but I promise you the joy of my day will not be diminished for me or my guests because I choose to have one, so your opinions to do not affect my wedding.
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  • sophhabobophasophhabobopha member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Knottie07105373 said:

     The people in our life are very laid back and grateful to be invited.

    You may say having a gap is poor etiquette, but I promise you the joy of my day will not be diminished for me or my guests because I choose to have one, so your opinions to do not affect my wedding.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Knottie07105373 said:

    So I have two wedding experiences : weddings in my home state of Tennessee, where the reception is no more than two hours long, completely dry (no alcohol), and only a buffet of appetizers are served, so no dinner.


    Then I moved up to Minnesota for my now-fiance, where the norm is to have afternoon weddings, with a gap, a cocktail hour, a plated dinner, and an evening reception going well into the night.

    Now we are planning our wedding and blending these two wedding backgrounds. The Minnesotans, which account for more than half the guest list, are the ones traveling 1,000 miles away to celebrate our wedding day with us in my hometown. I want them to be as comfortable as possible. I was not comfortable with a gap at first, but FH's family and friends have all advised us to do one for our Catholic wedding. They are accustomed to this and fully expect a late night reception. Southern reception venues in my hometown aren't comfortable going more than 5 hours and my guests are NOT interested in the party ending at 9pm. On the other hand, our Tennessee guests are all impressed and excited about a wedding with a cocktail hour, dinner, and alcohol (it's really unheard of where I'm from). 

    Everyone, whether they are traveling to the wedding or live in my hometown, are prepared to make a day of the event. We did not invite any guests who are not committed to our celebration or would be petty about the gap. If they don't like it, don't come. Couples put a lot of thought into guest lists, and we were very selective to only invite people who are supportive and important to us. The people in our life are very laid back and grateful to be invited.

    You may say having a gap is poor etiquette, but I promise you the joy of my day will not be diminished for me or my guests because I choose to have one, so your opinions to do not affect my wedding.
    So why are you posting here if our opinions (which are not opinions, but etiquette) do not affect your wedding?
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  • chibiyuichibiyui member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Jen4948 said:

    Knottie07105373 said:

    So I have two wedding experiences : weddings in my home state of Tennessee, where the reception is no more than two hours long, completely dry (no alcohol), and only a buffet of appetizers are served, so no dinner.


    Then I moved up to Minnesota for my now-fiance, where the norm is to have afternoon weddings, with a gap, a cocktail hour, a plated dinner, and an evening reception going well into the night.

    Now we are planning our wedding and blending these two wedding backgrounds. The Minnesotans, which account for more than half the guest list, are the ones traveling 1,000 miles away to celebrate our wedding day with us in my hometown. I want them to be as comfortable as possible. I was not comfortable with a gap at first, but FH's family and friends have all advised us to do one for our Catholic wedding. They are accustomed to this and fully expect a late night reception. Southern reception venues in my hometown aren't comfortable going more than 5 hours and my guests are NOT interested in the party ending at 9pm. On the other hand, our Tennessee guests are all impressed and excited about a wedding with a cocktail hour, dinner, and alcohol (it's really unheard of where I'm from). 

    Everyone, whether they are traveling to the wedding or live in my hometown, are prepared to make a day of the event. We did not invite any guests who are not committed to our celebration or would be petty about the gap. If they don't like it, don't come. Couples put a lot of thought into guest lists, and we were very selective to only invite people who are supportive and important to us. The people in our life are very laid back and grateful to be invited.

    You may say having a gap is poor etiquette, but I promise you the joy of my day will not be diminished for me or my guests because I choose to have one, so your opinions to do not affect my wedding.
    So why are you posting here if our opinions (which are not opinions, but etiquette) do not affect your wedding?
    Because
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  • Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Wow what a clusterfuck. What is up with the PPs having a gap and a cocktail hour? What is it about this concept that is so hard for people to understand.

    If you want your guests to have fun at your wedding, make your wedding fun. Standing around with nothing to do is not fun. If you don't want your guests standing around not doing anything during your reception, why would it be okay before the reception?



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