Our only issue... Long- sorry

bekt14 · September 2014

Background Story:

I am a huge foodie- I LOVE eating! But, I am also very health conscious due to my own health problems and my father's cancer. The few years before I met FI, my life was consumed by health problems, doctors, medical tests, diagnoses, sickness. Then, I made a breakthrough and found miraculous success and recovery through a very careful diet that is similar to Paleo (no-cabs/sugars/processed food). My life changed in so many ways during those few years, but I am very healthy now and very passionate about nutrition.

NOW:

Fast-forward a few years and I met FI. By then I was living a healthy, normal life. You would never know what I've been through with health problems in the past, but needless to say, my passion about nutrition and food has stayed consistent.

FI is a VERY picky eater. He pretty much only likes bread, cheese and deli meat. He loves pizza and could eat it every single day (which happens often). He was raised in a southern home where they ate very typical southern food. He's never tried (or has never even heard of) many veggies or fruits or foods that I eat on a daily basis like hummus, kale, avocados, eggplant, cabbage, grapefruit, etc. Getting him to eat something unfamiliar is like getting a toddler to eat spinach (which FI wouldn't eat either). He pushes it around on the plate and then says he's full and throws it away. Then he will go home and order a pizza.

I cannot get him to eat or even attempt to enjoy anything I cook! If it's unfamiliar to him (which everything I eat is) then he automatically assumes it will be disgusting.

Since food is such a HUGE part of my life and I'm very passionate about nutrition, I can see how this will be a difficult thing for us being married and eventually raising children. I want to raise my children on a very healthy lifestyle and eating good nutritious foods. If my husband is sitting at the table refusing to eat the food, how am I supposed to get the kids to eat it??

We had a huge argument this weekend about it. It's constantly a source of stress for me. We get along perfectly in every other way, but this is the one thing that causes us conflict. I just cannot stop worrying about it. I know he doesn't understand where I'm coming from because he hasn't had the same dramatic experiences as I have with health problems. No one in his family has ever had cancer or any other serious illness. So, he doesn't know what it's like. From his point of view, he's never seen anyone get sick from his type of diet, so he thinks I'm worrying too much. I just want to prevent my kids from going through what I went through.

Has anyone else had a similar experience? How do you merge two different perspectives in a healthy way?

JCbride2015 · September 2014

bekt14 said:

Background Story:
I am a huge foodie- I LOVE eating! But, I am also very health conscious due to my own health problems and my father's cancer. The few years before I met FI, my life was consumed by health problems, doctors, medical tests, diagnoses, sickness. Then, I made a breakthrough and found miraculous success and recovery through a very careful diet that is similar to Paleo (no-cabs/sugars/processed food). My life changed in so many ways during those few years, but I am very healthy now and very passionate about nutrition.

NOW:
Fast-forward a few years and I met FI. By then I was living a healthy, normal life. You would never know what I've been through with health problems in the past, but needless to say, my passion about nutrition and food has stayed consistent.

FI is a VERY picky eater. He pretty much only likes bread, cheese and deli meat. He loves pizza and could eat it every single day (which happens often). He was raised in a southern home where they ate very typical southern food. He's never tried (or has never even heard of) many veggies or fruits or foods that I eat on a daily basis like hummus, kale, avocados, eggplant, cabbage, grapefruit, etc. Getting him to eat something unfamiliar is like getting a toddler to eat spinach (which FI wouldn't eat either). He pushes it around on the plate and then says he's full and throws it away. Then he will go home and order a pizza.

I cannot get him to eat or even attempt to enjoy anything I cook! If it's unfamiliar to him (which everything I eat is) then he automatically assumes it will be disgusting.

Since food is such a HUGE part of my life and I'm very passionate about nutrition, I can see how this will be a difficult thing for us being married and eventually raising children. I want to raise my children on a very healthy lifestyle and eating good nutritious foods. If my husband is sitting at the table refusing to eat the food, how am I supposed to get the kids to eat it??

We had a huge argument this weekend about it. It's constantly a source of stress for me. We get along perfectly in every other way, but this is the one thing that causes us conflict. I just cannot stop worrying about it. I know he doesn't understand where I'm coming from because he hasn't had the same dramatic experiences as I have with health problems. No one in his family has ever had cancer or any other serious illness. So, he doesn't know what it's like. From his point of view, he's never seen anyone get sick from his type of diet, so he thinks I'm worrying too much. I just want to prevent my kids from going through what I went through.

Has anyone else had a similar experience? How do you merge two different perspectives in a healthy way?

Slow your roll. I am sensing a LOT of judgment especially in the bolded. WTF about thinking that a certain diet causes cancer? Are you serious?

It sounds to me like you're trying to push your lifestyle on him. And even if you have the best of intentions, that's bound to make him feel pretty shitty.

kat1114 · September 2014

I feel like you were secretly talking about me! FI is a super picky eater and will not eat any vegetables, and he's not even that big on meat. If surviving solely on pizza, burgers, and tacos was an option, FI would do that. When he grew up, his mom would make him cereal or a PB&J if he didn't want what the family was eating, and that has carried into his adult life.

I try to follow a mostly paleo diet, so it makes it that much harder. One thing that helps is I try to make things that allow for easy modifications for both of us. For example, if I make tacos, I still buy taco shells for FI, but I'll make mine into a shell-less taco salad instead.

I've also had some luck getting FI to eat certain recipes from PaleOMG and Health Bent, so you might want to check out those sites.

Serious Eats also had this excellent article about overcoming picky eating. I haven't tried some of their tips yet, but I feel like they had some good ideas.

I have to admit, I too worry about having kids and hearing the argument "if daddy's not eating it, then I'm not either." I feel like at that point, we'll just have to go with the good old "do as I say, not as I do."

Overall, it bothers me less than it used to. It has helped to learn that I can't control that aspect of FI's life, and it has to be his choice to incorporate healthier items into his diet. Once I stopped fighting him so much on things, I have actually found that on his own he is trying to make healthier choices.

Jells2dot0 · September 2014

I am a very health conscious person, but also a very picky eater. I just eat what I love in moderation. My weight was totally normal, I ran 2-4 miles a day, and I take great care of myself emotionally and mentally as well. I'm in my mid 30s. My DH is also very health conscious, but eats more of what people would consider healthy- fruits, veggies, yogurts, etc. He also runs every day. He is in his early 50s. He has some anxiety issues, but we get through it....................................................... Guess who got cancer????? ME. ........................................................... As far as our diets being different, we each eat what we want. Sometimes we have the same thing, but very rarely. We don't have kids, but if we did, I'd make the meal that I wanted my kids to eat. If they asked why I wasn't eating it, I'd say that I have some special dietary concerns. ................................................................. As far as being a picky eater, I was born that way. It's not something you can change. It's hard to be picky and frustrating, but I make it work for me and am thankful to have the support of those who love me. edit- paragraphs

JaxInBlue · September 2014

How do you merge two perspectives in a healthy way? You both agree to give a little. That means you both accept changes to your individual diets. Your other option is to agree now that food is not meant to be a shared experience for you - you cook for you, he cooks for him - and you also agree now that kids will be exposed to both types of foods and allowed to make their own food choices as long as certain nutritional bases are covered.

Two other things: I wouldn't expect anyone to make an immediate and radical change to his or her diet quickly. If you are introducing your FI to your style of eating, the change needs to be gradual. So maybe instead of starting with a kale and quinoa salad, you start with chef salad - it keeps some foods that are familiar and comfortable and allows you to introduce some new veggies and preparations. Instead of ratatouille, it's eggplant lasagna.

Also, your food conversations need to occur without value judgements; your diet works for you, based on what makes your body feel best. You cannot assume it will be the same for him, and you shouldn't criticize his diet choices, even if he could make healthier ones. As an adult, he gets to decide what meets his needs and preferences. The same goes for any future kids; you can't assume they will have the same medical conditions.

ETA: paragraphs

Maggie0829 · September 2014

Only your FI can change the way he eats so stop pushing your eating habits on him. If he wants to branch out he will. If he doesn't then he doesn't.

As for your hypothetical kids, this is a discussion you need to have with your FI when the time comes. There is no sense arguing about it now when you don't have kids and I am assuming you are not expecting. Luckily you have time to figure this out, but you have to remember that it will need to be a compromise not an all or nothing thing. Both you and he will have to listen to each other and make concessions. But if you both fight about this like it seems like you do you may want to have this discussion when the time comes with a therapist or mediator.

bekt14 · September 2014

JCbride2015 I can see how that would seem judgmental, and I'm trying very very hard not to be. I just can't forget the awful experiences I've had in the past and the amazing recovery from just changing my diet. I do believe certain food and diets can cause cancer- although I believe some people are more susceptible than others.

kat1114

Thanks! I will definitely check out those sites! I'm also trying to find ways to adapt his meals to my dietary needs. I've also done tacos with tortillas for him and salad for me. I need to find more ways to do this.

Luckily, we do not want to have children any time soon. Maybe in 5 years... I'm not in a hurry. So, we have plenty of time to figure this out.

Jells2dot0 You mentioned that your husband and you often eat different meals. How does that affect your marriage? Or has it not affected it? I've always wanted to have the traditional sit-down family dinners, but I'm starting to realize that might not be an option.

Jells2dot0 · September 2014

bekt14 said:
JCbride2015 I can see how that would seem judgmental, and I'm trying very very hard not to be. I just can't forget the awful experiences I've had in the past and the amazing recovery from just changing my diet. I do believe certain food and diets can cause cancer- although I believe some people are more susceptible than others.

kat1114
Thanks! I will definitely check out those sites! I'm also trying to find ways to adapt his meals to my dietary needs. I've also done tacos with tortillas for him and salad for me. I need to find more ways to do this.
Luckily, we do not want to have children any time soon. Maybe in 5 years... I'm not in a hurry. So, we have plenty of time to figure this out.

Jells2dot0 You mentioned that your husband and you often eat different meals. How does that affect your marriage? Or has it not affected it? I've always wanted to have the traditional sit-down family dinners, but I'm starting to realize that might not be an option.

When he is in town, we eat together every night. At dinner time, we both go into the kitchen and prepare our meals. We then sit together, chat, and watch TV.

Same as when I was little. We had a family sit down meal every night. I just have different food on my plate.

littlemushroom · September 2014

There has to be some give on both sides. If all he eats is deli meat, white bread, and pizza, then giving him a kale & quinoa salad and hummus isn't going to go over well. You need to ease him into it. For many people, the idea of "healthy" food means that it isn't going to taste good.

Try preparing something he likes in healthier way. If he likes fried chicken, try making baked "fried" chicken. Or swap out bone in, skin on chicken for BSCB. Or instead of fried chicken, make a really awesome roasted chicken. Make homemade pizza with 2% cheese, turkey pepperoni, and turkey sausage for him. He needs to first learn that healthier versions of things can be delicious before he starts branching out.

Further, maybe he just doesn't like the way something is prepared. So if he hates cooked, sauteed kale, try adding raw kale to a regular salad or make some kale chips seasoned with garlic salt or bbq rub. Combine something he doesn't like with something he does so he will at least be interested to try it. If he loves cheese, ease him into veggies by melting some cheese on top of roasted broccoli. Make homemade oven fries seasoned with garlic and salt that he can dip in ketchup. Use whatever flavors he enjoys to make new things more enticing. For example, my sister hates all green veggies, but LOVES goat cheese. I make roasted asparagus with crumbled goat cheese and she scarfs it all down because the goat cheese is worth it to her.

Find out what specifically he doesn't like about something. Is it too bitter? Too mushy? Too crunchy? Not seasoned enough? My DH hated fresh green beans because he didn't like the texture. I made him my spicy green beans sauteed with onions and cooked them until they were softer and he loves them. Now he requests them! My dad hated brussels sprouts because he had only had mushy, boiled ones until I introduced him to roasted brussels sprouts. He loves the carmelized, crispy outer leaves and the tender inner leaves, so now they are a staple every time he comes for dinner. My sister hates cooked broccoli or cauliflower, but likes it raw with dip.

My DH didn't like salads when we got together. He thought they were boring and tasteless. Once I made him a salad with sliced bell pepper, onion, tomato, shredded cheese, and some grilled chicken, he realized he really LIKES salad. He just doesn't want a plain lettuce salad because it doesn't taste like anything. Even a side salad for him has to have some protein of some sort on it though to make it worth his while. So I always put some chicken, or bacon, or tear up some deli meat for him. Slightly less healthy, but at least he is eating all the veggies that go with it too.

Maybe you make the same protein for you both or you get grilled fish and he gets grilled chicken, but he makes his own side of mac and cheese to go with it while you have some squash. Make some compromises. You need to show him that your way of eating can be delicious too before he will make the BIG changes.

sarawifenow · September 2014

I also think you should slow down with trying to push your lifestyle on your FI. He will come around if/when he wants.

That being said, FI had a very limited pallet when we first met. He grew up on pizza, beef and potatoes, and burgers. Nothing about FI's childhood screamed "cultural variety" in terms of food.

I, on the other hand, grew up eating all kinds of different foods and, as a result, love most all foods. When FI and I met, I would gradually introduce him to new foods by switching up ingredients. Ex: He loved pizza but had never tried leeks or venison before. I made a homemade pizza with carmelized leeks and ground venison. He loved it. We would do this once a week (introducing new foods). The key is that this was something that FI wanted to do. There was no pressure from me. Now FI is more adventurous than I am!

This will not work for everyone, but it worked for us. Slow and steady wins the race.

Jells2dot0 · September 2014

bekt14 said:

JCbride2015 I can see how that would seem judgmental, and I'm trying very very hard not to be. I just can't forget the awful experiences I've had in the past and the amazing recovery from just changing my diet. I do believe certain food and diets can cause cancer- although I believe some people are more susceptible than others.

kat1114
Thanks! I will definitely check out those sites! I'm also trying to find ways to adapt his meals to my dietary needs. I've also done tacos with tortillas for him and salad for me. I need to find more ways to do this.
Luckily, we do not want to have children any time soon. Maybe in 5 years... I'm not in a hurry. So, we have plenty of time to figure this out.

Jells2dot0 You mentioned that your husband and you often eat different meals. How does that affect your marriage? Or has it not affected it? I've always wanted to have the traditional sit-down family dinners, but I'm starting to realize that might not be an option.

I have no doubt that taking care of yourself and having a well balanced diet is good for your health. However, I would not put so much stock into thinking that eating well will somehow prevent cancer. There is a cancer post a little ways down. I stated in there that my oncologist (who is with the Mayo Clinic, so she knows her shit) told me there was NOTHING I could have done to prevent my cancer. Changing my diet would have been useless. It just happened and it could happen again, unfortunately. I think there are some cancers that may be affected by certain environmental and lifestyle factors, but certainly not all of them.

regardless, I'm so sorry that your dad got sick. It totally sucks. And I'm glad that you found help through a lifestyle change.

smalfrie19 · September 2014

I will say I am the picky eater in our relationship. FI loves mexican, chinese, thai..anything.. and I dont. I am very plain "american" food girl. chicken, steak, pork chops.. I don't like things "fancy" and exotically seasoned. Comfort food is totally my thing. But FI has really opened up my pallette in the last two and a half year. I eat more seafood then just cod now and I have branched out on WHAT kinds of pasta I eat.

you have to take it slow and don't make him feel like he holds you back from what you want.

kat1114 · September 2014

OP, here are some recipes I have gotten FI to eat (and actually enjoy!):

Primal Cheesesteaks (got bun for FI)

Maple Chili Pork Chops (I make with a side of veggies for me and a baked potato for FI)

Sweet Potato Enchiladas

Primal Chili Cheese Dogs (I've also made the chili just by itself)

Paleo Butternut Squash Lasagna

Chicken Souvlaki & Tzazitki (got a side of naan for FI)

30 Minute Butter Chicken & 30 Minute Chicken Tikka (can get plain rice and naan for FI, and then I will make cauliflower rice or just have some veggies on the side)

lurkergirl · September 2014

So you mention that:

"He was raised in a southern home where they ate very typical southern food. He's never tried (or has never even heard of) many veggies or fruits or foods that I eat on a daily basis like hummus, kale, avocados, eggplant, cabbage, grapefruit, etc. Getting him to eat something unfamiliar is like getting a toddler to eat spinach (which FI wouldn't eat either). He pushes it around on the plate and then says he's full and throws it away. Then he will go home and order a pizza. "

Okay, I have to be honest. This sounds extremely judgy. It almost sounds like you think he's too stupid (because you know--southerners are a bunch of dumb hicks) to eat healthy. If I'm getting that sense, maybe he is too (even if you don't mean it and genuinely just want what you think is best). If that's the case, it's not too surprising that he's resistant to your efforts.

As far as our meals, we are both picky about different things. I do all the cooking, so I cook what I want. Occasionally, I make things he doesn't love, but he deals because he's just happy that someone made him food. Other times I'm extra nice and make things I don't love just for him. I don't like salad very much. I make it all the time anyway because he loves it. That's an easy one to compromise on. We sit down and eat together every night that he is in town, and we plan to do the same when we have kids.

Regarding kids...I really think one of the best things my parents did was never force me to eat something I hated. Since I knew I didn't have to eat something, I was more willing to try it more times. (e.g. I hated spaghetti, but I would eat it like once a year just to see if I changed my mind. I did and now I love it.) I think if I had been forced to eat it every time it would just be something that I grew to hate. (Hope that makes sense

larrygaga · September 2014

Nothing turns me off more than a picky eater. I judge all picky eaters. Blegh

I get that you want him to eat heathier, because I try to get Fi to do it too. I think you probably make him feel like crap about it.

Out of all the things I've heard causes cancer (including the genetic crapshoot) and bad diet is not one of them. You should worry more about him getting heart disease. Learn your diseases.

STARMOON44 · September 2014

I think if you get down off your high horse for a bit this isn't insurmountable. One of my friends is a really picky eater, just like your husband. His wife loves everything, grows her own veggies etc. he wishes he weren't so picky, but can't change the fact that lots of perfectly normal foods repulse him. She insists on serving their kid a wide variety of food, which he supports because he'd love for kid not to struggle like he does. I'd also research super tasters. There's pretty solid evidence that many picky eaters actually taste differently and that's why they don't like lots of things.

Also, I'd consider therapy. When you say your diet can prevent cancer and certain foods cause it, you are just plain wrong. Sure, a healthy diet is a great idea, but you sound extremely rigid, like you've let your understandable anxiety bleed into your life.

And maybe consider that no one in his family has ever suffered a serious illness as a result of their diet not as a bad thing because it hasn't scared him straight but as evidence that you are wrong.

penguin44 · September 2014

larrygaga said:

Nothing turns me off more than a picky eater. I judge all picky eaters. Blegh

I get that you want him to eat heathier, because I try to get Fi to do it too. I think you probably make him feel like crap about it.

Out of all the things I've heard causes cancer (including the genetic crapshoot) and bad diet is not one of them. You should worry more about him getting heart disease. Learn your diseases.

All of this. It sounds like you are pushing your special diet on him. And you are being very judgmental of his diet. He will not change the way he is in any way only because you want him to. He has to want to change. You sound like you are treating him like a child. Sneaking veggies into his meals.

Also, Show me scientific proof that eating bad foods causes cancer. I am curious where you got this idea.

princessleia22 · September 2014

Like others said, you need to stop trying to convert him. Maybe he will learn to try a few new things over time, but maybe not. And find foods that you can both compromise on or make modifications to that will suit both your needs/tastes.

DH and I are both pretty picky eaters, but both in our own ways. He is very much meat & potatoes type... steak, hamburgers, bacon, chicken, potatoes, pizza, BBQ, etc. But, he refuses to eat or try any type of vegetables... it can't even be mixed in to a meal. I will eat most of what he likes, but I also like other things. I love Italian food, but he can't stand any type of pasta. I like Chinese food, which he swears contains only dog meat, even if I make it at home... really he just hates soy sauce and thinks all Chinese food has it (which is usually true). And I'm not much of a veggie eater, but I do like the occasional salad. We do try to sit and eat together most nights, when our schedules allow. Some nights one of us cooks and we both eat the same meal. Sometimes we eat modified versions of same meal (if he cooks hamburgers, I will sometimes eat it bunless or crumble it and use it in something else). Some nights we each cook our own dinner and sit together eating completely different meals. Even if you do like same things, you won't always be in the mood for the same things at the same times anyway. There are nights where we each just crave different foods, so why choose when we can both eat what we want?

Jells2dot0 · September 2014

STARMOON44 said:

I think if you get down off your high horse for a bit this isn't insurmountable. One of my friends is a really picky eater, just like your husband. His wife loves everything, grows her own veggies etc. he wishes he weren't so picky, but can't change the fact that lots of perfectly normal foods repulse him. She insists on serving their kid a wide variety of food, which he supports because he'd love for kid not to struggle like he does. I'd also research super tasters. There's pretty solid evidence that many picky eaters actually taste differently and that's why they don't like lots of things. Also, I'd consider therapy. When you say your diet can prevent cancer and certain foods cause it, you are just plain wrong. Sure, a healthy diet is a great idea, but you sound extremely rigid, like you've let your understandable anxiety bleed into your life. And maybe consider that no one in his family has ever suffered a serious illness as a result of their diet not as a bad thing because it hasn't scared him straight but as evidence that you are wrong.

I'm a super taster! It's kind of annoying!

Seriously, to those thinking they can "change" picky eaters or persuade them to open their minds, I recommend giving up. For real. My mom tried everything to get me to eat new things. She had me at specialists. With me, it's something genetic, within my DNA. Besides being a super taster, I am missing certain enzymes that cause me to have issues with certain foods. Nothing is ever going to change that. I get a physical yearly and all of my blood work always comes back normal. The fact that I have cancer is coincidence. My oncologist even mentioned to me that I was so othewise healthy before being diagnosed that I was tolerating the chemo much better than most people (my blood counts were staying higher, my energy levels were better, etc.).

Oh, to give you an idea of what my picky eating is- I do not eat any veggies or fruits. If there is any fruit or veggie that is a part of a dish, I won't eat it. I primarily eat breads, pasta (no red sauce), cheese, and some meats (chicken, steak, pork, but only certain cuts.)

jnrsgirl · September 2014

Cancer is just the radicalization of genetic material resulting in abnormal cells. And guess what, there is absolutely nothing anyone can do to stop that from occurring. The sun, chemicals, and even soil particals can cause cancer cells. Every single human being in its lifetime will have cancerous cells.

Now sometimes, our bodies are capable of killing off the abnormal cells before they have a chance to reproduce and other times it develops into full-blown "cancer." Sure healthy diets and exercise can help keep us healthy but it is by no means a guarantee.

As far as you and your FI's diet go, just learn that you cannot control what he eats. He is an adult and will make his own decisions. You can accept that and move forward with learning to compromise, or your FI can continue to sneak "unhealthy" food without you around and eventually resent you for it.

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jenna8984 · September 2014

My husband is not adventurous. We took a trip to NYC and I wanted so badly to try one of the amazing top rated restaurants but the only thing he wanted for 3 days were street vendor hot dogs. I couldn't get him into a restaurant. We just went on our honeymoon and 6 days in a row he ordered a hot dog from the pool bar. I tried something different each day. In Asia I tried weird foods and all he would order was plain steamed white rice. Sure it gets a little annoying because I'd love him to try new things with me but oh well. It's really not a big deal for us so I never push him and make him order something else. He's a grown man, he wants a hot dogs every day, fine whatever. I don't think the kids will be a big deal. You just pack them the healthy foods and if they ask why daddy gets cookies you say "he's a grown up, you can chose to have them when you're a grown up". My parents raised us very healthy, we were those kids with carrot sticks and I'm grateful for it which influences my decisions as an adult. Don't worry about that now.

lightningsnow · September 2014

I am and have always been a picky eater. BF is full blooded Portuguese. When we first started dating, I had never had anything like what his mother makes for dinner. I grew up in a very American household. When I was unemployed for nine months after we had been dating two years, I would eat dinner over his parents house all the time. Now I can't wait to eat his mother's cooking. There are still things that I will not eat and he understands that. The same goes for him. It's all about balance.

And also your attitude about certain foods and diets causing cancer is so incredibly far fetched it's crazy. As a PP pointed out, every single person carries cancerous cells in their bodies. Some people's bodies can fight it off before it gets too bad, others not so much. My mother has battled both colon and lung cancer. BF's father passed from pancreatic cancer and also had bladder cancer. We both understand we will need to be screened early on for these because of genetics. It is terrible that your father had cancer but I doubt his diet had anything to do with it.

lyndausvi · September 2014

I agree slow your roll. His whole family has never had a serious illness or cancer, they must be doing something right, no?

My grandparents lived into their 80's eating what you would call crap. People have different genes, it's not fair to interject your fears of dieting causing cancer on to him. Based on family history, he doesn't seem to have to worry about diet.

As far as children. Cross that bridge when you come to it. A lot of picky eaters I know try and make sure their own kids do not have the same habits. Sometimes they still do, but that often is because of DNA like Jells.

Whatever you do, DO NOT project your own fears about diet causing cancer on your kids. It's one thing to want them to eat healthy, it's another to make them feel like Daddy is going to DIE because he is eating pizza and other carbs.

DH and I eat different meals, yet together most of the time. Tonight we had the same foods, most of the time we don't. He also can eat pizza everyday. Me 1-2 a month. So he has pizza and I will have a salad. He likes salmon, I do not. So he cooks salmon of himself and a steak

or tuna for me. He hates spaghetti and prefers stuffed pastas of some sort. I don't mind stuffed pastas, but prefer angle hair. So we will cook both.

Sometimes we have the same proteins, but different sides. Other times it's the same sides, but different proteins. We seem to make it work with no issues.

Sugargirl1019 · September 2014

I would like to point out that the ONLY thing I've ever heard of "diet" causing cancer is related to Celiac's disease. If you eat foods with gluten that inflame your bowels, the inflammatory process can cause changes in the lining of the intestines, and they believe this has caused colon cancer.

But this isn't "diet" related. The gluten protein does not cause cancer. This is, at the source, an allergic response to a protein in food that just happens to mess the body up.

BreMR · September 2014

Just to give you some insight, my fi doesn't eat vegetables, and pretty much avoids anything outside of americanized food (no Mexican/Chinese/Japanese) and I tend to make my own dinners and make our daughter try everything. You probably won't change his food choices, and it's not a deal breaker IMO.

ashley8918 · September 2014

Whoa whoa. Slow down. There is absolutely no way that you can force your super special diet on him. He DOES. NOT. LIKE. IT. And there is really nothing that you can do to change that.

I am a vegetarian (and general picky eater) and I would NEVER dream of trying to force that on FI. He eats almost exclusively meats. He would probably die if I started trying to control his diet and turn it into mine, which is exactly what you are doing.

And FFS, a "poor" diet does not cause cancer. This is like saying that vaccines cause autism (for the love of god, don't tell me that you believe this). There is no evidence whatsoever that either of these things is true.

ETF Paragraphs

ashley8918 · September 2014

NikkiJay3333 said:

There has to be some give on both sides. If all he eats is deli meat, white bread, and pizza, then giving him a kale & quinoa salad and hummus isn't going to go over well. You need to ease him into it. For many people, the idea of "healthy" food means that it isn't going to taste good.

Try preparing something he likes in healthier way. If he likes fried chicken, try making baked "fried" chicken. Or swap out bone in, skin on chicken for BSCB. Or instead of fried chicken, make a really awesome roasted chicken. Make homemade pizza with 2% cheese, turkey pepperoni, and turkey sausage for him. He needs to first learn that healthier versions of things can be delicious before he starts branching out.

Further, maybe he just doesn't like the way something is prepared. So if he hates cooked, sauteed kale, try adding raw kale to a regular salad or make some kale chips seasoned with garlic salt or bbq rub. Combine something he doesn't like with something he does so he will at least be interested to try it. If he loves cheese, ease him into veggies by melting some cheese on top of roasted broccoli. Make homemade oven fries seasoned with garlic and salt that he can dip in ketchup. Use whatever flavors he enjoys to make new things more enticing. For example, my sister hates all green veggies, but LOVES goat cheese. I make roasted asparagus with crumbled goat cheese and she scarfs it all down because the goat cheese is worth it to her.

Find out what specifically he doesn't like about something. Is it too bitter? Too mushy? Too crunchy? Not seasoned enough? My DH hated fresh green beans because he didn't like the texture. I made him my spicy green beans sauteed with onions and cooked them until they were softer and he loves them. Now he requests them! My dad hated brussels sprouts because he had only had mushy, boiled ones until I introduced him to roasted brussels sprouts. He loves the carmelized, crispy outer leaves and the tender inner leaves, so now they are a staple every time he comes for dinner. My sister hates cooked broccoli or cauliflower, but likes it raw with dip.

My DH didn't like salads when we got together. He thought they were boring and tasteless. Once I made him a salad with sliced bell pepper, onion, tomato, shredded cheese, and some grilled chicken, he realized he really LIKES salad. He just doesn't want a plain lettuce salad because it doesn't taste like anything. Even a side salad for him has to have some protein of some sort on it though to make it worth his while. So I always put some chicken, or bacon, or tear up some deli meat for him. Slightly less healthy, but at least he is eating all the veggies that go with it too.

Maybe you make the same protein for you both or you get grilled fish and he gets grilled chicken, but he makes his own side of mac and cheese to go with it while you have some squash. Make some compromises. You need to show him that your way of eating can be delicious too before he will make the BIG changes.

All of this sounds like trying to get a child to eat his veggies. He is a grown ass man. This will not work. He knows what he does and does not like, and cannot (or should not) be controlled by his FI/wife.

MN2UK · September 2014

I am stunned to see so many people so readily discount a link between cancer and diet. No, no single diet or food group can prevent cancer. However, there is a body of scientific evidence that suggests a more plant-based diet can lower the risk of certain cancers. Again, there is no clear-cut 100% proven absolute causal link, but to dismiss OP's concerns as "far fetched" or "crazy" is unfair.

chibiyui · September 2014

MN2UK said:

I am stunned to see so many people so readily discount a link between cancer and diet. No, no single diet or food group can prevent cancer. However, there is a body of scientific evidence that suggests a more plant-based diet can lower the risk of certain cancers. Again, there is no clear-cut 100% proven absolute causal link, but to dismiss OP's concerns as "far fetched" or "crazy" is unfair.

I think there's a difference though between, "eating this way could LOWER your risk of cancer" and "eating this way WILL GIVE YOU CANCER"

MN2UK · September 2014

chibiyui said:

MN2UK said:

I am stunned to see so many people so readily discount a link between cancer and diet. No, no single diet or food group can prevent cancer. However, there is a body of scientific evidence that suggests a more plant-based diet can lower the risk of certain cancers. Again, there is no clear-cut 100% proven absolute causal link, but to dismiss OP's concerns as "far fetched" or "crazy" is unfair.

I think there's a difference though between, "eating this way could LOWER your risk of cancer" and "eating this way WILL GIVE YOU CANCER"

Absolutely. I just cannot see where the OP said her FI's diet causes cancer.

ashley8918 · September 2014

MN2UK said:

chibiyui said:

MN2UK said:

I am stunned to see so many people so readily discount a link between cancer and diet. No, no single diet or food group can prevent cancer. However, there is a body of scientific evidence that suggests a more plant-based diet can lower the risk of certain cancers. Again, there is no clear-cut 100% proven absolute causal link, but to dismiss OP's concerns as "far fetched" or "crazy" is unfair.

I think there's a difference though between, "eating this way could LOWER your risk of cancer" and "eating this way WILL GIVE YOU CANCER"

Absolutely. I just cannot see where the OP said her FI's diet causes cancer.

This:

bekt14 said:
We had a huge argument this weekend about it. It's constantly a source of stress for me. We get along perfectly in every other way, but this is the one thing that causes us conflict. I just cannot stop worrying about it. I know he doesn't understand where I'm coming from because he hasn't had the same dramatic experiences as I have with health problems. No one in his family has ever had cancer or any other serious illness. So, he doesn't know what it's like. From his point of view, he's never seen anyone get sick from his type of diet, so he thinks I'm worrying too much. I just want to prevent my kids from going through what I went through.

And here:

bekt14 said:

JCbride2015 I can see how that would seem judgmental, and I'm trying very very hard not to be. I just can't forget the awful experiences I've had in the past and the amazing recovery from just changing my diet. I do believe certain food and diets can cause cancer- although I believe some people are more susceptible than others.

This is absolutely far-fetched and crazy.

Our only issue... Long- sorry

Re: Our only issue... Long- sorry

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