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Our only issue... Long- sorry

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Re: Our only issue... Long- sorry

  • Dignity100Dignity100 member
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    I have a silly question - if you and a group of friends said 'hey, we're going to this _______ restaurant, why don't you guys come' ; what does your FI do?  (For the blank, feel free to insert: Indian, Middle Eastern, Chinese, Japanese, etc).  Does he go and just eat before/after?  Does he just not want to go?  Did the situation just never come up?

    It becomes hard for a person if everything 'new' they've tried they have not liked, it turns them off from wanting to try new things.   Basically, if he hates every new thing he tries, in simple terms he's being punished - he never gets a reward; so why would he want to try new things.  If you had an aunt, and every time you went to her house she put you down and yelled at you and just made you feel terrible, would you want to continue going - it's really the same thing.  That's why I said, if he's willing to try new things, try it in a familiar way - artichokes on a pizza, veggies in an omelet (if an omelet is not weird to him), a side of a veggie cooked in a more appealing way (with cheese or butter), etc.

    For some reason I remember watching a show on people who only ate one type of items.  There was this lady who only ate potatoes (fries) on the show.  The first thing the person did was had the potatoes dyed the color of other veggies (orange, green, red) and had her eat them.  She freaked out about it, the only change was the color of the food, it was still the same food. Then he took her to fondue restaurant and had her put the potatoes in the oil to cook - so it was a little different, but still the same.  After that, he had her try other veggies (carrots, broccoli, etc) but she fought it every step of the way.  This is an extreme, but the person has to WANT that change in order to do it.


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  • gladyscfgladyscf member
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    Shit just got real^
    *msstaticfancypants*
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  • ashley8918ashley8918 member
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    edited September 2014
    Large text to the rescue!

    OP,
    Just fucking:
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    ETF spelling is hard

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  • bekt14bekt14 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    You guys are missing my point, I know I can't force him to like a certain food. I never said that! Where did I say that???

    I don't care if he likes a food nor not! I'm asking how do we merge our different lifestyles together? I'm guessing I'm not the only person who's not marrying their identical twin. I'm assuming everyone has different likes/dislikes than their BF/FI/DH. How do you deal with it on a daily basis?

    That is my question. Not how cancer is caused. Not if my parents were abusive. 
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  • beetherybeethery member
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    steph11814 said:
    @beethery I feel like we need a drinking game for your ginormous text. I swear I'm not looking for excuses...
    I once found out that a group of my friends made up a drinking game based on my eyerolls at events. Everyone got fucking shithoused REALLY FAST one time, and I found out why.

    I try not to bigtext but I can't shake people over the internet so... this is what I got.
    --

    I'm the fuck     out.

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  • SmileDamnitSmileDamnit member
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    bekt14 said:
    My parents were not abusive. I'm not obese, nor is anyone else in my family. They wanted to teach us responsibility and humility and gratitude. Sometimes we have to do things we don't like. It can be uncomfortable, unplesant, not fun, but we still have to do them. Whether it's cleaning the toilet, going to the gym, eating broccoli, or sharing your barbies with your sister- I don't see the difference. If we were all allowed to refuse doing things we don't like- we would lose civilization.
    Huh????

    I think you mean, "If we are allowed to refuse doing things we don't like, we GAIN INDEPENDENT THOUGHT". 

    Scary concept.
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  • lurkergirllurkergirl member
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    bekt14 said:
    You guys are missing my point, I know I can't force him to like a certain food. I never said that! Where did I say that???

    I don't care if he likes a food nor not! I'm asking how do we merge our different lifestyles together? I'm guessing I'm not the only person who's not marrying their identical twin. I'm assuming everyone has different likes/dislikes than their BF/FI/DH. How do you deal with it on a daily basis?

    That is my question. Not how cancer is caused. Not if my parents were abusive.


    STUCK****************

    And?  Lots of people gave you lots of advice.  You continue to defend your stance.  What more do you want?




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  • luckya23luckya23 member
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    bekt14 said:
    You guys are missing my point, I know I can't force him to like a certain food. I never said that! Where did I say that???

    I don't care if he likes a food nor not! I'm asking how do we merge our different lifestyles together? I'm guessing I'm not the only person who's not marrying their identical twin. I'm assuming everyone has different likes/dislikes than their BF/FI/DH. How do you deal with it on a daily basis?

    That is my question. Not how cancer is caused. Not if my parents were abusive. 


    You just treat your partner like an independent adult.  If he has to make his own meals that he wants to eat, which it seems like would be no harder than picking up the phone and ordering, then that's what he has to do.

    You have been told many times that you don't have to eat the same meal.  You continue to justify how he is wrong and you were raised this awesome way in which you just do what you're told.  Problem is, it's not your job to raise him. 

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  • jdluvr06jdluvr06 member
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    bekt14 said:
    My parents were not abusive. I'm not obese, nor is anyone else in my family. They wanted to teach us responsibility and humility and gratitude. Sometimes we have to do things we don't like. It can be uncomfortable, unplesant, not fun, but we still have to do them. Whether it's cleaning the toilet, going to the gym, eating broccoli, or sharing your barbies with your sister- I don't see the difference. If we were all allowed to refuse doing things we don't like- we would lose civilization.

    First off you don't have to go to the gym. You choose to. If you don't want to go to the gym then stop going.

    Second there is a huge difference between teaching kids "responsibility, humility and gratitude" and forcing them to eat food they don't like. There are a million better ways to teach these things.
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  • ashley8918ashley8918 member
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    steph11814 said:
    @beethery I feel like we need a drinking game for your ginormous text. I swear I'm not looking for excuses...
    PLEASE let's make this a thing!

    I mean, typically, by the time the large text comes out, I already need a drink.
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I think I provided examples.

    Fending for yourself approach.  i.e. you each prep your own meals

    Modify recipes so you both like, but then add things on the side individually

    Learn how to cook meals with some liked items, but other items can be different.   i.e. my stir-fly example








    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • abbyj700abbyj700 member
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    edited September 2014
    OP - I know you're feeling attacked, please don't. Understand that others are very concerned at the behavior your parents exhibited when you were a child and the affect it has on your life now. The PP who talked about her ex is a great example of another affect of force feeding food on children. ------- My parents taught us a lot about food through action. One of which was that we did have to try everything, or take a bite of every vegetable - even if we've never liked it. My entire childhood I hated peppers - so when we had stuffed peppers, I got one small piece of pepper and then all of the stuffing. As I grew to be a teenager I stopped eating meat. They made me continue to eat a healthy balanced diet. BUT they didn't sit me at a table with a steak and refuse to let me sleep or do anything if I didn't choke it down. ----------- FI and I have different tastes in things. I don't eat meat. We constantly cook and eat together. Last night we had steak, fingerling potatoes and grilled asparagus. It just so happened mine was a tofu steak. We make tacos every Tuesday - mine in a different pan with Quorn Chik'n and his with chicken. He eats white tortillas and I eat whole grain. It literally dirties on extra dish. We had pad thai the other night - cooked the chicken and Quorn Chik'n seperately to throw in to our individual bowls. My salads have no celery, his have no onions. We go to a restaurant that has both sushi and hibachi grill - so I can get my vegetarian rolls and he can have steak and rice. We have "every man for himself" nights about once a week. I eat Indian with my coworkers rather than him because he despises it. He doesn't suggest restaurants that are not vegetarian friendly. It is really truly that simple. Edited - stupid damn paragraphs!
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    jnrsgirl said:
    Cancer is just the radicalization of genetic material resulting in abnormal cells. And guess what, there is absolutely nothing anyone can do to stop that from occurring. The sun, chemicals, and even soil particals can cause cancer cells. Every single human being in its lifetime will have cancerous cells. Now sometimes, our bodies are capable of killing off the abnormal cells before they have a chance to reproduce and other times it develops into full-blown "cancer." Sure healthy diets and exercise can help keep us healthy but it is by no means a guarantee. As far as you and your FI's diet go, just learn that you cannot control what he eats. He is an adult and will make his own decisions. You can accept that and move forward with learning to compromise, or your FI can continue to sneak "unhealthy" food without you around and eventually resent you for it. ETA:grammar
    It's not just a radicalization. . . there's a mutation somewhere that damages the DNA, fucks up the DNA repair mechanisms, fucks up the normal cell death cycle, etc.

    Doesn't mean that we always know what specific mutation caused a tumor. . .we are still working on that.  And we are seeing that many times it's a whole slew of mutations that may be causing the issues.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    edited September 2014
    LadyMillil said:
    bekt14 said:
    Just to clear things up,

    1. I'm not saying FIs diet is GOING to cause him cancer. However, I believe that it's like cigarettes. Is everyone who ever smoked a single cigarette going to get cancer with 100% certainty- NO. Obviously not. But they have a higher risk of developing cancer at some point in their lives because they are introducing toxic cancer-causing chemicals into their body. It's playing with fire. 

    2. I'm not concerned just about cancer. There are a million other illnesses that can result from a bad diet, such as allergies, severe acne, psoriasis- all of which FI does have and that can all be helped with eating better. 

    3. It's literally been a life and death issue for me and my family- so it's not easy for me to just suddenly act like food is a non-issue. I don't want to be judgmental in any way- but I also don't want to suddenly give up on something that's extremely important to me. 

    4. Thanks for all the advice and perspectives from other picky eaters. I have heard of super-tasters before. I think FI fits that description pretty well because he also has a much stronger sense of smell and texture than I do. 

    5. Sorry if I'm offending anyone, and I will try to lighten up on him and keep an open mind. 


    Cancer is caused by multiple genetic mutations in your DNA that cause the cells to escape all the checkpoints that keep them from growing uncontrollably. Some people are born with mutations that mean they are already missing a part of a checkpoint,   Those are germ line mutations.  They occurred in the sperm or egg that lead to your development as a fetus and those mutations are present in every cell in your body. 

    For instance the     BRCA1 and BRCA2 gene mutations that have been implicated in some forms of breast cancer are germline mutations.  Not all germline mutations are deleterious, or cause harm.  and some people can be exposed to carcinogens daily and never actually develop cancer. There are thousands of carcinogens out there and to avoid them all is impossible. To the bolded, a lot of those things that you list are immune disorders. Diet has little to do with most of them. Again, genetics play a big role. For most diseases there is a huge interplay between genetics and the environment that determine if some one will develop a condition. If you are genetically predisposed to developing a certain disease, diet change may not have any impact on preventing it. If you are not genetically predisposed to developing a disease, changing you diet doesn't matter. A lot of people feel better and have general better health when they make radical changes to their diet (ex. paleo diet) because they are cutting out all the processed crap and are eating more "whole foods".
    The other type of mutation that can lead to cancer is a somatic mutation, mutations that occur after conception.  For instance, exposure to UV radiation damages the DNA in our skin cells, which can lead to a somatic mutation that can lead to cancer. 

    However, just like with germ line mutations, not all somatic mutations are deleterious or will lead to cancer.

    Here is a Catalog of Somatic Mutations in Cancer: http://cancer.sanger.ac.uk/cancergenome/projects/cosmic/


    SBmini said:
    I'm going to ignore the vitriol in this thread and focus on the original post-
    What?  People trying to educate someone who seems to have misconceptions about diet and cancer in general, is not vitriol.

    And the OP even came back and clarified what she was saying, so it seems it was a pretty decent and well received discussion.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
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    Holy shit, what did I miss?  This is all kinds of fucked up.  Nothing to add except WOW.
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  • princessofgenoviaprincessofgenovia member
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    Every morning for breakfast FI has a bowl of oatmeal. Steel cut, with cinnamon and a little bit of sugar and a half cup of greek yogurt. The only mornings he doesn't have this is if I get up and make a big breakfast which is usually just on the weekends, or if we go out for breakfast (again, weekends).

    I hate oatmeal. I like it in a cookie, but just a regular bowl of oatmeal? Fuck no. Sticky gross glue. How do we solve this problem? I make my own fucking breakfast. We still usually eat breakfast together. It is legitimately not a thing. It has never been a thing.

    We have similar foods we like, but others we hate. We adapt. We're both grown ups, we both know how to make food. 
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  • jdluvr06jdluvr06 member
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    I hate pork. Like seriously I can sometimes eat sausage or bacon but anything else that comes from a pig is a big no no for me. H loves pork chops. When it is his turn to cook and he wants pork chops he makes them for him self and will make something else for me. I have an unhealthy love of pasta. H not so much. So when I make any kind of pasta I make sure to grill him a piece of chicken or a steak or something. The PPs all made a great point of pointing out that he is an adult and cook something for himself if he doesn't like the food you do and they are right but at the same time it speaks volumes that you won't even consider making your FI something he likes when you cook. When I make something for myself that H doesn't like I make him something else, not because I have to or because he isn't capable but it's because I love him and taking things like that into consideration is just what you do for people you love.
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  • JennyColadaJennyColada member
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    Pull a Clockwork Orange on him and force feed him until he says he likes it.
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  • falsarafalsara member
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    edited September 2014
    jdluvr06 said:
    I hate pork. Like seriously I can sometimes eat sausage or bacon but anything else that comes from a pig is a big no no for me. H loves pork chops. When it is his turn to cook and he wants pork chops he makes them for him self and will make something else for me. I have an unhealthy love of pasta. H not so much. So when I make any kind of pasta I make sure to grill him a piece of chicken or a steak or something. The PPs all made a great point of pointing out that he is an adult and cook something for himself if he doesn't like the food you do and they are right but at the same time it speaks volumes that you won't even consider making your FI something he likes when you cook. When I make something for myself that H doesn't like I make him something else, not because I have to or because he isn't capable but it's because I love him and taking things like that into consideration is just what you do for people you love.



    OP Really take the bolded to heart. If you want to eat with him, then go the extra mile and make stuff for him while you are making things for you. Once he sees that you're willing to make the effort to cook things that he likes as well as things that you like, maybe he will be more willing to try the things you make. Maybe he needs a reason to reciprocate. If you just compromise with him, instead of nagging him about it; he might be more willing to reciprocate your kindness with a little compromise on his part, simply because you've shown him that you love him enough to do it, and he wants to do it back.

                                               

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