I Messed Up Big Time...this could be the end.

raissyrais · October 2014

esstee33 said:

Sammyantha13 said:

And yes, I am playing devil's advocate here, because I'm trying to see this from his perspective. I'm sure we can all agree that if our spouses/SOs had a hard time getting over something after four years, it would be frustrating to answer the same questions over and over. I think he's convinced that at this point I'm just never going to get over it. And I don't know what to do to convince him otherwise.

My best friend divorced her husband when she found out he was cheating on her with one of those live-webcam girls. I let articles influence me too much...I've read things like 'signs of cheating' and it says, "If your SO is buying you things for no reason, this is a sign of cheating." Just an example. It's dumb but I totally read into those things. So when all this stuff accumulated last week, I started reading into it. FI hates it that I let things like that influence me, or compare our relationship to what some cheesy women's magazine says. He says he hasn't been acting weird for the past two weeks, it's all just in my mind and I'm putting pieces together that don't actually exist.

@lurkergirl, that is a good point about finding someone new to me who will be unbiased. I just feel like counseling doesn't help unless you connect with the counselor, and since I like the one I'm seeing now, it's hard to step out and find one we both like. I am willing to, I just can't expect too much enthusiasm from FI about it.

I'm not caught up on the rest of the thread after this post yet, but since you seem to have convinced yourself that you've made up your concerns because you're too easily influenced by articles, PLEASE READ THIS ARTICLE: http://www.thehotline.org/2014/05/what-is-gaslighting/

And then DTMFA. I am so fucking angry for you right now.

SITB
@beethery 's apprentice. We should all be channeling this!

esstee33 · October 2014

HaileyDancingbear · October 2014

Sammyantha13 said:

I appreciate all of your insights and concerns. I guess I will have to wait until he gets home to see if he wants to talk about this tonight.

You all make very good points, but I can't help but worry if I've been totally unbiased in how I've presented this. I feel like I have, apart from leaving out some things that aren't pertinent information.

One thing I thought of--don't all of your men view porn as well? I mean the vast majority do. So I don't see how I can demand that FI stop. Like I said, I don't know that what was going on with him could be considered an addiction. To me, an addiction in this manner means using it multiple times a day, or some frequency like that. He told me that the most he ever looked at it was every other day, or multiple times a week. (Which a lot of guys do.) Since then he has cut back to maybe a couple times a month. But when he was doing it more frequently, he used it as his main stress reliever (also which most guys do), but I think what made it an addiction to him is that he felt he couldn't choose not to use as a stress reliever. He couldn't choose to play video games to relieve stress over looking at porn. So I think in that way he felt helpless to it, and that is what he has fixed.

@LondonLisa, that was a very powerful way of looking at it. I want to share that with FI but I'm not sure how.

It makes me mad that this is all crashing down because of what I did last night. Like if that hadn't happened then this wouldn't even be discussed right now.

STUCK IN THE BOX:

Back to the alcohol comparison. Lots of people drink, all the time. But that doesn't mean an alcoholic that wants to quit can get away with a drink here and there. They have to stop completely. Otherwise, they are still addicted.

We're calling what your FI has an addiction because it's a behavior that is clearly having a negative impact on his life, fucking up your relationship, but he STILL DOES IT because he claims he can't stop. THAT'S A FUCKING ADDICTION.

But again, stop worrying about how you've presented things, or that anything is out of proportion, fuck how unhealthy your relationship is, do you even KNOW how unhealthy your mentality is right now???? This goes farther than porn, or a lack of sex, you're with someone who is so manipulative, he's given you some sort of complex about your emotions- it's not healthy to just automatically assume what you have to say must be stupid, or that your feelings are out of line. This relationship is a tumor. This man is a tumor. Fucking remove it.

Break it off, take time to be alone. No, that isn't scary. That's fucking liberating. Know why? Because you won't have anybody there to make you feel stupid. Nobody is going to blame you for their own mistakes. Nobody is going to yell at you. You'll go through your day without having to stress constantly about someone else. You'll cry for a while but then you'll sleep like a fucking baby. You'll recover and realize that you are not irrational, you are not dumb, you are fucking strong. You have had the weight of the world on your shoulders for years and you'll realize once it's gone, you can handle anything. And when you're ready, you won't take shit from anyone- whoever you end up with will fucking respect you and cherish you, or else you never would have given them the time of day.

Sammyantha13 · October 2014

Thank you, all of you, for all this support. I'm tearing up reading about these people who don't even know me standing up for me. I want to hug all of you and buy you a round.

We tried talking again tonight and it just led back into him not having it, saying he's fed up with having to prove that he's trustworthy, that last night made him realize this is how I'm always going to be. I'm sure he's still emotional, but it's like he's just mentally checked out of the relationship. The more this goes on the less I'm caring. The more of a dick he is, the easier it will be to let go.

I need to get away from here and just decompress for a few days. Sigh. I'm nowhere near any of my family. The friends that I have here aren't people that I'm comfortable in confiding to about this. Dallas is three hours away so maybe I will just go there for a night. Open to suggestions.

Sugargirl1019 · October 2014

Hmm. I live in Dallas.

But beware. We have Ebola.

Edited for seriousness: I'm so glad you are realizing you're situation and are considering leaving!

ShesSoCold · October 2014

Sammyantha13 said:

Thank you, all of you, for all this support. I'm tearing up reading about these people who don't even know me standing up for me. I want to hug all of you and buy you a round.

We tried talking again tonight and it just led back into him not having it, saying he's fed up with having to prove that he's trustworthy, that last night made him realize this is how I'm always going to be. I'm sure he's still emotional, but it's like he's just mentally checked out of the relationship. The more this goes on the less I'm caring. The more of a dick he is, the easier it will be to let go.

I need to get away from here and just decompress for a few days. Sigh. I'm nowhere near any of my family. The friends that I have here aren't people that I'm comfortable in confiding to about this. Dallas is three hours away so maybe I will just go there for a night. Open to suggestions.

Do you work a regular M-F schedule? I suggest staying a a local hotel tonight and tomorrow and going to Dallas for the weekend. Stay with a friend or family member. Decompress, talk, think, cry, think some more. Think about your future. YOURS. Not his. Where would you be right now if you weren't engaged to him? What kind of marriage do you see 20 years from now? One where your thoughts and feelings are dismissed and you're constantly in the wrong just for feeling? Try not to think about him. He'll have the next several days to do his own thinking. Think about YOU and YOUR feeling (very valid feelings) and what YOU want out of a marriage.

theartistformerlyknownas · October 2014

((Hugs)) hang in there lady.

esstee33 · October 2014

Sammyantha13 said:

Thank you, all of you, for all this support. I'm tearing up reading about these people who don't even know me standing up for me. I want to hug all of you and buy you a round.

We tried talking again tonight and it just led back into him not having it, saying he's fed up with having to prove that he's trustworthy, that last night made him realize this is how I'm always going to be. I'm sure he's still emotional, but it's like he's just mentally checked out of the relationship. The more this goes on the less I'm caring. The more of a dick he is, the easier it will be to let go.

I need to get away from here and just decompress for a few days. Sigh. I'm nowhere near any of my family. The friends that I have here aren't people that I'm comfortable in confiding to about this. Dallas is three hours away so maybe I will just go there for a night. Open to suggestions.

I'm so sorry you're in this place and position, and you don't have friends/family there to talk to about it. His reaction just shows (again) what a cold, callous asshole he is. You are so much better off without him.

I know it's terrifying to think about right now, but a life without him will be so full and rich and happy in ways you can't even imagine yet. Trust me! I'm 6 years out of almost exactly your relationship, and finally in a loving, stable, happy relationship with a partner who actually values me and shows me that every day, and I could never have imagined back then that I'd be here now. My XH tried every day to prove to me that I would never be able to have that without him. It's going to get worse before it gets better, but you can move on, too, and you deserve happiness.

slothiegal · October 2014

If you're ever near SoCal, you have a home (aka couch, sorry, we live in a tiny place!). It comes with hugs, tough love, and wine.

jackannlu · October 2014

Sammyantha13 said:

Thank you, all of you, for all this support. I'm tearing up reading about these people who don't even know me standing up for me. I want to hug all of you and buy you a round.

We tried talking again tonight and it just led back into him not having it, saying he's fed up with having to prove that he's trustworthy, that last night made him realize this is how I'm always going to be. I'm sure he's still emotional, but it's like he's just mentally checked out of the relationship. The more this goes on the less I'm caring. The more of a dick he is, the easier it will be to let go.

I need to get away from here and just decompress for a few days. Sigh. I'm nowhere near any of my family. The friends that I have here aren't people that I'm comfortable in confiding to about this. Dallas is three hours away so maybe I will just go there for a night. Open to suggestions.

This post made me incredibly happy! You have to think about what's best for you and what you want for your future like @ShesSoCold‌ said. A relationships consists of two people and I don't think that you should have to bear the responsibility of everything that's wrong in your relationship alone. He doesn't seem to putting in his part. Hugs!

LadyMillil · October 2014

Sammyantha13 said:

Thank you, all of you, for all this support. I'm tearing up reading about these people who don't even know me standing up for me. I want to hug all of you and buy you a round.

We tried talking again tonight and it just led back into him not having it, saying he's fed up with having to prove that he's trustworthy, that last night made him realize this is how I'm always going to be. I'm sure he's still emotional, but it's like he's just mentally checked out of the relationship. The more this goes on the less I'm caring. The more of a dick he is, the easier it will be to let go.

I need to get away from here and just decompress for a few days. Sigh. I'm nowhere near any of my family. The friends that I have here aren't people that I'm comfortable in confiding to about this. Dallas is three hours away so maybe I will just go there for a night. Open to suggestions.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I think taking some time away is a great idea. Do you have any friends that you could invoke a "no questions, just be there for me and support me" for a couple days?

I think the bolded says it all about him and what he's thinking about your relationship. If he was completely committed to you and making it work he would be doing whatever it takes to regain your trust. I had trust issues when I started dating my H due to being cheated on in past relationships. It took me a long time to trust DH. I used to get anxious when he was late at work, worried that he was out with another woman. I know he got frustrated with me asking details about why he was late and what he was doing, but he was willing to answer my questions and do anything necessary to help me get over my issues and completely trust him.

perdonami · October 2014

Sammyantha13 said:

Thank you, all of you, for all this support. I'm tearing up reading about these people who don't even know me standing up for me. I want to hug all of you and buy you a round.

We tried talking again tonight and it just led back into him not having it, saying he's fed up with having to prove that he's trustworthy, that last night made him realize this is how I'm always going to be. I'm sure he's still emotional, but it's like he's just mentally checked out of the relationship. The more this goes on the less I'm caring. The more of a dick he is, the easier it will be to let go.

I need to get away from here and just decompress for a few days. Sigh. I'm nowhere near any of my family. The friends that I have here aren't people that I'm comfortable in confiding to about this. Dallas is three hours away so maybe I will just go there for a night. Open to suggestions.

Good for you! Keep this feeling and run with it. Push away all doubts as they may seep in and really take the time to get away from this mess and think. You can't think clearly while sharing the same roof with this guy.

If you have any vacation time stored up, now is the time to take it.

Be well.

hellosweetie1015 · October 2014

Sammyantha13 said: Thank you, all of you, for all this support. I'm tearing up reading about these people who don't even know me standing up for me. I want to hug all of you and buy you a round.
We tried talking again tonight and it just led back into him not having it, saying he's fed up with having to prove that he's trustworthy, that last night made him realize this is how I'm always going to be. I'm sure he's still emotional, but it's like he's just mentally checked out of the relationship. The more this goes on the less I'm caring. The more of a dick he is, the easier it will be to let go.
I need to get away from here and just decompress for a few days. Sigh. I'm nowhere near any of my family. The friends that I have here aren't people that I'm comfortable in confiding to about this. Dallas is three hours away so maybe I will just go there for a night. Open to suggestions. _______________
I don't always have quote box issues, but when I do they're visible in my editor and not in my posted comment. -.-
_______________
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, but I'm glad you're realizing this now and not four weeks from now. He shouldn't have to prove he's trustworthy - because he shouldn't have done anything to lose your trust in the first place. If he wants it to work, he'll put the effort in.

Go stay in a hotel, get out and get away from him. Take a couple of days and get away to Dallas.

Please know that one day, you'll have a man who is wonderful to you. I wouldn't completely rule out that that might be your FI - but he has some serious work to do on himself before he can be that man, and six years is plenty of time for him to try and be that man WITH you. So I wouldn't count on it.

If you're ever in Birmingham look me up! I'm a little bit out, but there'd be a sleeping place for you anyway, and I'll give you sausage cheese balls.

HaileyDancingbear · October 2014

Sammyantha13 said:

Thank you, all of you, for all this support. I'm tearing up reading about these people who don't even know me standing up for me. I want to hug all of you and buy you a round.

We tried talking again tonight and it just led back into him not having it, saying he's fed up with having to prove that he's trustworthy, that last night made him realize this is how I'm always going to be. I'm sure he's still emotional, but it's like he's just mentally checked out of the relationship. The more this goes on the less I'm caring. The more of a dick he is, the easier it will be to let go.

I need to get away from here and just decompress for a few days. Sigh. I'm nowhere near any of my family. The friends that I have here aren't people that I'm comfortable in confiding to about this. Dallas is three hours away so maybe I will just go there for a night. Open to suggestions.

Stuck in the box AGAIN.

I really do not like this dude. Especially given that you can pretty much flip that around to describe why YOU should be leaving HIM- You should be even more fed up with trying to prove you trust someone who is giving no effort to help you or time to recover, (But HE can take all the time he WANTS and still indulge in his ADDICTION) and I'm glad you're opening your eyes to see that that's how HE is always going to be. You deserve sososososososososooooooooooo much better. Especially since you're clearly willing to move heaven and Earth to make things work with someone- that's a great quality. You deserve someone willing to do the same, and someone who listens to what you have to say, cares about your feelings, and wouldn't dream of manipulating you and disrespecting you like this asshole.

Second bolded, yes. Think hard about how this man treats you and how it makes you feel. Let go. You will thank yourself. You will recover just fine. Soon, you'll roll your eyes and laugh at the thought of ever going back to him. Break it off and don't look back.

I echo PP saying a hotel until the weekend is a good idea, then drive down to spend the weekend in Dallas if work is an issue. Use some of those fancy hotel soaps and stuff and take a bubble bath with a big glass of wine. Just spend tonight relaxing. Don't worry about asshole face. Think about what YOU want and what makes YOU happy. Just please do what makes you happy. Life is too short to let someone make you so miserable.

esstee33 · October 2014

CaitTDid23 said:
I don't always have quote box issues, but when I do they're visible in my editor and not in my posted comment. -.-

_______________

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, but I'm glad you're realizing this now and not four weeks from now. He shouldn't have to prove he's trustworthy - because he shouldn't have done anything to lose your trust in the first place. If he wants it to work, he'll put the effort in.

Go stay in a hotel, get out and get away from him. Take a couple of days and get away to Dallas.

Please know that one day, you'll have a man who is wonderful to you. I wouldn't completely rule out that that might be your FI - but he has some serious work to do on himself before he can be that man, and six years is plenty of time for him to try and be that man WITH you. So I wouldn't count on it.

If you're ever in Birmingham look me up! I'm a little bit out, but there'd be a sleeping place for you anyway, and I'll give you sausage cheese balls.

Temptress!

hellosweetie1015 · October 2014

esstee33 said:

CaitTDid23 said:
I don't always have quote box issues, but when I do they're visible in my editor and not in my posted comment. -.-

_______________

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, but I'm glad you're realizing this now and not four weeks from now. He shouldn't have to prove he's trustworthy - because he shouldn't have done anything to lose your trust in the first place. If he wants it to work, he'll put the effort in.

Go stay in a hotel, get out and get away from him. Take a couple of days and get away to Dallas.

Please know that one day, you'll have a man who is wonderful to you. I wouldn't completely rule out that that might be your FI - but he has some serious work to do on himself before he can be that man, and six years is plenty of time for him to try and be that man WITH you. So I wouldn't count on it.

If you're ever in Birmingham look me up! I'm a little bit out, but there'd be a sleeping place for you anyway, and I'll give you sausage cheese balls.

Temptress! Hey, my sausage cheese ball promises are open to any and all who can get here! They just don't mail well. You know, not good ideas to mail meat. Spoilage.

larrygaga · October 2014

Sammyantha13 said:

Thank you, all of you, for all this support. I'm tearing up reading about these people who don't even know me standing up for me. I want to hug all of you and buy you a round.

We tried talking again tonight and it just led back into him not having it, saying he's fed up with having to prove that he's trustworthy, that last night made him realize this is how I'm always going to be. I'm sure he's still emotional, but it's like he's just mentally checked out of the relationship. The more this goes on the less I'm caring. The more of a dick he is, the easier it will be to let go.

I need to get away from here and just decompress for a few days. Sigh. I'm nowhere near any of my family. The friends that I have here aren't people that I'm comfortable in confiding to about this. Dallas is three hours away so maybe I will just go there for a night. Open to suggestions.

I want to hug you and buy you 7 rounds and then find you a grown man that is worthy of your time.

raissyrais · October 2014

jackannlu said:

Sammyantha13 said:

Thank you, all of you, for all this support. I'm tearing up reading about these people who don't even know me standing up for me. I want to hug all of you and buy you a round.

We tried talking again tonight and it just led back into him not having it, saying he's fed up with having to prove that he's trustworthy, that last night made him realize this is how I'm always going to be. I'm sure he's still emotional, but it's like he's just mentally checked out of the relationship. The more this goes on the less I'm caring. The more of a dick he is, the easier it will be to let go.

I need to get away from here and just decompress for a few days. Sigh. I'm nowhere near any of my family. The friends that I have here aren't people that I'm comfortable in confiding to about this. Dallas is three hours away so maybe I will just go there for a night. Open to suggestions.

This post made me incredibly happy! You have to think about what's best for you and what you want for your future like @ShesSoCold‌ said. A relationships consists of two people and I don't think that you should have to bear the responsibility of everything that's wrong in your relationship alone. He doesn't seem to putting in his part. Hugs!

Me too. You're doing the right thing. Glad your eyes are opening

Better late than never! Hugs to you and stay strong!

novella1186 · October 2014

I love the line in Sex and the City when Samantha is dumping her boyfriend and says "I love you... but I love me more." YES!!! That line has gotten me through a lot of tough shit. You've got to love yourself enough to do what's right for YOU and for YOUR happiness.

When I finally ended my bad relationship, it was like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I realized that while I was in that relationship, I had totally lost who I was from years of being treated like garbage and being emotionally beaten down and degraded. Being single for a while was AWESOME. I loved it, I loved focusing on myself, I loved the peace that came with it. In fact, I ended up writing and publishing a book about the whole experience because I wanted girls and women everywhere to know that when you get out, everything gets better. That's how strongly I advocate GETTING OUT.

Then I met my FI, and was so shocked to find out that guys like him actually exist. He's honest, loving, thoughtful, generous, funny, I could go on and on. In this relationship I feel loved and respected, and very safe, and very comfortable, and very much at peace. I'm my old self again but a better version of it, cuz (I know this is a huge cliche) he makes me a better person. If I'm ever concerned or bothered by anything, he sits down and encourages me to say everything that's on my mind and we talk it out. That's NORMAL AND HEALTHY. And it exists out there!

This is what lies ahead for YOU. Do you understand? There are so many good things ahead for you. Things you never even thought existed and maybe don't believe you deserve. But they're out there waiting.

Here's one last line that I love to say to my girl friends:

There are a hundred guys out there dying to treat you well. So don't put up with the one who doesn't.

sarawifenow · October 2014

OP, you probably are off taking some much needed you time. I just wanted to chime in how proud I am of you and the decision you have made to put some distance between you and your FI. That is a tough, but necessary, step. Congratulations.

If you are ever in Denver, you also have a couch with me! (But you may have to share it with my spoiled, princess beagle).

levioosa · October 2014

So proud of you, OP. Take the time you need. Let yourself grieve and work through this. It will be tough, but it will also lift a huge weight off of your shoulders, like @Novella1186 said.

I'm also like Novella. I was in a relationship for six years. I was so in love I put up with all sorts of crap. When it ended, it was terrible...for about a month. Then I started to realize that he wasn't a "best friend" because he didn't do things that best friends do. He wasn't there for me. He came first. I was always the afterthought. Any valid concerns I had were "in my head." And you know what? I'm fucking awesome. I'm beautiful and worthy of love. Being single was actually great. Then I got with someone who treats me like a queen, and I'm never looking back. Sometimes I don't even know how to handle it because it is just so purely thoughtful, genuine and loving.

You are a queen. You WILL find someone who will treat you that way. You don't have to take this pain anymore. I'm so sorry you are hurting, but take care of YOU first. The rest will fall into place.

mschristie123 · October 2014

I'm really glad to hear that you're taking everything that we are saying is hard. Don't get me wrong, I understand how huge of a decision this will be, but sometimes it helps to hear it from 30 other objective people.

The best advice that I've ever heard is from the movie "He's Just Not That Into You." Dumb movie, yes, but just go with it. Justin Long says to her '"If i guy wants you, he will find a way to make it work.'" Take that to heart in this situation. If he LOVES you, RESPECTS you, and WANTS you, he will act like, and he will work at your relationship. If he doesn't, then you have your answer. There's really no other analysis that is needed.

You are incredibly strong and brave for going through this. I know that you can do this. Congrats on taking the first huge step!

KatieinBkln · October 2014

I am so glad to hear this, @sammyantha! Things will be tough, but I already love where your head's at.

Hang in there. Go to Dallas for the weekend, talk to your people there. You deserve all the best!

PrettyGirlLost · October 2014

Sammyantha13 said:

I appreciate all of your insights and concerns. I guess I will have to wait until he gets home to see if he wants to talk about this tonight.

You all make very good points, but I can't help but worry if I've been totally unbiased in how I've presented this. I feel like I have, apart from leaving out some things that aren't pertinent information.

One thing I thought of--don't all of your men view porn as well? I mean the vast majority do. So I don't see how I can demand that FI stop. Like I said, I don't know that what was going on with him could be considered an addiction. To me, an addiction in this manner means using it multiple times a day, or some frequency like that. He told me that the most he ever looked at it was every other day, or multiple times a week. (Which a lot of guys do.) Since then he has cut back to maybe a couple times a month. But when he was doing it more frequently, he used it as his main stress reliever (also which most guys do), but I think what made it an addiction to him is that he felt he couldn't choose not to use as a stress reliever. He couldn't choose to play video games to relieve stress over looking at porn. So I think in that way he felt helpless to it, and that is what he has fixed.

@LondonLisa, that was a very powerful way of looking at it. I want to share that with FI but I'm not sure how.

It makes me mad that this is all crashing down because of what I did last night. Like if that hadn't happened then this wouldn't even be discussed right now.

When ppl are addicted to alcohol they need to stop using it period in order to beat their addiction, when people are addicted to narcotic drugs they need to stop using them period in order to overcome those addictions.

A porn addiction should be no different. If your FI has an actual, legitimate addiction to porn, then he needs to stop viewing it period, and never view it again to overcome his addiction.

The bolded statement is just further proof in my mind that you both need counseling and that you need to postpone this marriage until you both can come to terms with the trust issues and find a way to overcome them.

PrettyGirlLost · October 2014

ohannabelle said:

Stop blaming yourself, immediately.
This man drove the car into the ditch, and you're apologizing because there was damage.
Everything @LondonLisa said, x1000.
And honestly, fault is irrelevant at this point. You're about to commit your life and happiness to an addict you don't trust. One who minimizes your feelings.

I've said it a thousand times before:

Love isn't a word. It's a behavior.

Are you being treated with love? With care and respect?
It doesn't sound like it.

Holy shit, this is fantastic. My TK cruch on you has grown!

theartistformerlyknownas · October 2014

@prettygirllost I love the new siggy

PrettyGirlLost · October 2014

lolo883 said:

@prettygirllost I love the new siggy

It's my heart cat in GIF form. I channel his bitchiness sometimes when I post here ;-)

Kauris · October 2014

Girl, come to Dallas, we will hit up the state fair and enjoy all the fried things!!!!

Sammyantha13 · October 2014

So, just an update for anyone who might care.

We are starting counseling tomorrow. FI actually initiated it, made the phone call to get authorization for counseling (military) and told me that we are going tomorrow. I'm nervous but glad.

Going away for awhile last week was good...for me and for us. When I came back, we talked and came to an agreement about where our relationship is at and what needs to be done. He's still upset with me about going to find him last week/being paranoid that he was acting weird, but things are getting better.

Now here comes the part where you all will yell at me...please don't be too disparaging toward me. We have decided to keep the wedding on. It's what we both really want and my therapist that I see individually actually agreed. I've seen her twice since last week and she says that it's obvious we are committed and our problem is definitely fixable, and with counseling we will learn to communicate better. She said she thinks the wedding will revitalize our relationship and showing our commitment will be a positive step.

I talked to his parents last week, and FI talked to his grandma about the situation, and everyone is supporting our decision. So the support of those people plus the therapist's opinion has reassured me that this is the right decision.

I know this will be an unpopular opinion here...but here's hoping for the best. Thanks again for everyone's support last week.

And @kasmith1, we are coming to the fair this weekend and I plan on eating at least 7 corn dogs.

esstee33 · October 2014

Sammyantha13 said:

So, just an update for anyone who might care.

We are starting counseling tomorrow. FI actually initiated it, made the phone call to get authorization for counseling (military) and told me that we are going tomorrow. I'm nervous but glad.

Going away for awhile last week was good...for me and for us. When I came back, we talked and came to an agreement about where our relationship is at and what needs to be done. He's still upset with me about going to find him last week/being paranoid that he was acting weird, but things are getting better.

Now here comes the part where you all will yell at me...please don't be too disparaging toward me. We have decided to keep the wedding on. It's what we both really want and my therapist that I see individually actually agreed. I've seen her twice since last week and she says that it's obvious we are committed and our problem is definitely fixable, and with counseling we will learn to communicate better. She said she thinks the wedding will revitalize our relationship and showing our commitment will be a positive step.

I talked to his parents last week, and FI talked to his grandma about the situation, and everyone is supporting our decision. So the support of those people plus the therapist's opinion has reassured me that this is the right decision.

I know this will be an unpopular opinion here...but here's hoping for the best. Thanks again for everyone's support last week.

And @kasmith1, we are coming to the fair this weekend and I plan on eating at least 7 corn dogs.

Do what you need to do to be happy, girl. Therapy is an awesome step, and good on him for initiating it! Wishing you all the best.

I Messed Up Big Time...this could be the end.

Re: I Messed Up Big Time...this could be the end.

Choose Another Board

Search Boards