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Etiquette

Registry Concerns

tiphenieBtiphenieB member
Fifth Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
edited October 2014 in Etiquette
My fiance and I lived on our own for a while before we got together. We also lived together 2 years before getting engaged. We have everything we need for our home. Would it be a faux pas to do a honeymoon registry instead? i found a cute poem:

We've been together quite a while,
with all our pots and pans

And as we don't need homey gifts
we have another plan!

We know its not traditional
and not the way its done

But rather than a wedding list
we'd love a bit of sun!

So if you would like to give a gift
and send us on our way

A donation to our honeymoon
would really make our day!

Would something like this be ok?
«134567

Re: Registry Concerns

  • And since my earlier response to you wasn't very helpful, please consider this:

    I went to a wedding recently where the bride and groom had a donation jar out for their honeymoon. Sounds super tacky, right? Well that's exactly what a Honeyfund is except you don't get all the money. Oh...and no one donated to it (at this wedding) and I may or may not have given a boxed gift knowing full well that they wanted cash because I'm rude and vindictive.

    Another wedding I went to this summer, my friend and her husband didn't register at all because they didn't want stuff. They wanted cash for a honeymoon to be taken later. I love giving presents and hate giving cash but I gave this friend cash because I knew that's what they really wanted even though they didn't say so.

    [Deleted User]chibiyuiPrettyGirlLost
  • slothiegalslothiegal The Sloth Farm member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    Well, if you found a cute poem, it's totally OK.
    Anniversary

    image
    perdonamiWegl13lc07abbyj700
  • Cookie PusherCookie Pusher Looking over your shoulder member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    My husband and I lived together for over a decade before our wedding. We have zero room for new stuff and didn't want to pay for a storage unit to hold new stuff until we can afford a house. We simply didn't register for anything. Every single guest who gave us a gift did so with cash/check/giftcard.
    ~*~*~*~*~

    PrettyGirlLostprincessleia22bibliothecary
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    A honeymoon is just a vacation taken at a particular time. You shouldn't fundraise for your own vacation from your guests, who may or may not be able to afford their own vacation. You're not owed a honeymoon, so don't ask for one. People may choose to give cash generously, and then you can decide if you want to spend it on a vacation.

    and +1 to all the other concerns and explanations mentioned above.
    PrettyGirlLostcupcait927
  • Thank you to everyone who replied. It is nice to get outside opinions. :)
    AroundTheBlockbeetheryweddingcactus
  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    tiphenieB said:
    My fiance and I lived on our own for a while before we got together. We also lived together 2 years before getting engaged. We have everything we need for our home. Would it be a faux pas to do a honeymoon registry instead? i found a cute poem:

    We've been together quite a while,
    with all our pots and pans

    And as we don't need homely gifts
    we have another plan!

    We know its not traditional
    and not the way its done

    But rather than a wedding list
    we'd love a bit of sun!

    So if you would like to give a gift
    and send us on our way

    A donation to our honeymoon
    would really make our day!

    Would something like this be ok?
    When I hear the word donation, I think of charitable causes.  A honeymoon is not a charitable cause.

    As PPs mentioned, if you are fortunate enough that you have every single thing you could possibly need or want for your home and don't need upgrades, then don't register.  And don't have a shower.  Plain and simple.  People will generally get the hint and give cash.  

    And FWIW, my DH and I had each lived on our own for over a decade, yet we still managed to find upgrades and some new things to register for.  Heck, if you asked me today, I could still pick out quite a few things I would love to have!
  • Ew, gross. Also, it's "concerns."




    image
    esstee33[Deleted User]annieandandy2014
  • MUD

    I keep seeing this, what does it mean?
  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 Cowtown mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    @shaker227 it means Made Up Drama

     







    shaker227missxasia
  • You need to learn what both 'donation' and 'homely' mean.

    Concerns.
    melbenso
  • Nope. You aren't real. nope nope nope.
  • So why are people entitled to gifts and house furnishings, but they aren't entitled to ask that money goes towards something they would rather have? I feel like thats a double standard. 

    StickEmUpKitty
  • sarawifenowsarawifenow Denver, baby! member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Seriously, just don't register. Nobody is entitled to anything. And I am still calling MUD.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    holyguacamole79
  • esstee33 said:
    Nobody is entitled to gifts and house furnishings; if a guests chooses not to bring a gift, that's their prerogative. Gifts are not required. 
    So then wouldn't it be the same If you said you wanted a nice trip with your new husband/wife instead of gifts and if they donated then great but they don't HAVE to? No where in my post did I say it was mandatory that they brought money. The poem I found stated that if you'd like to give a gift we'd rather it go towards the honeymoon. 
    StickEmUpKitty
  • hellosweetie1015hellosweetie1015 Where the skies are so blue member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    tiphenieB said:
    So why are people entitled to gifts and house furnishings, but they aren't entitled to ask that money goes towards something they would rather have? I feel like thats a double standard. 

    They aren't entitled to them, is the short version. 

    Generally people choose to give things because they're celebrating and it makes them happy, but they aren't required to. If a person I know asked for cash, they'd get a $20 because that's about what I can afford. $20 can buy a lot if you're crafty with it (trust me, I know) but a $20 bill would make me feel like shit to give, and it'd probably make my friends feel like shit to get. 

    Formerly CaitTDid23
    Daisypath Wedding tickers
    image
    PrettyGirlLostperdonami
  • sarawifenowsarawifenow Denver, baby! member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    tiphenieB said:
    esstee33 said:
    Nobody is entitled to gifts and house furnishings; if a guests chooses not to bring a gift, that's their prerogative. Gifts are not required. 
    So then wouldn't it be the same If you said you wanted a nice trip with your new husband/wife instead of gifts and if they donated then great but they don't HAVE to? No where in my post did I say it was mandatory that they brought money. The poem I found stated that if you'd like to give a gift we'd rather it go towards the honeymoon. 
    When people ask where you are registered for you say you aren't registered for anything but that you are saving for the bolded. Don't mention "instead of gifts". People will get the point. And poems are not cute especially when they are asking for money.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    bumbletiger88PrettyGirlLostweddingcactus[Deleted User]
  • chibiyuichibiyui The Boring Part of MD member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    tiphenieB said:
    So why are people entitled to gifts and house furnishings, but they aren't entitled to ask that money goes towards something they would rather have? I feel like thats a double standard. 

    Registries are suggestions, for the guests convenience. No one is required to purchase off of them. 

    Something to keep in mind, some people find the act of giving money rude. They will not contribute to a honeymoon registry, or if they do it will be less then they would normally give, or they might think poorly of you for it. They will either not give you a gift or bring a boxed gift. 

    I love to give people presents. But I don't like to be told what to give. And I hate honeymoon registries. I almost always give cash for weddings anyway, so why the fuck you think I need a website that charges fee's to give you a hundred bucks is beyond me. If I see a honeymoon registry, I'll either give you less cash or a related physical present. If I see you have honeymoon registry and I know you have budgeting issues, I'll give you a Finances for Dummies book. Tough love.
    image



    Anniversary
    holyguacamole79PrettyGirlLost[Deleted User]
  • penguin44penguin44 Kansas City member
    500 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper First Answer
    tiphenieB said:
    esstee33 said:
    Nobody is entitled to gifts and house furnishings; if a guests chooses not to bring a gift, that's their prerogative. Gifts are not required. 
    So then wouldn't it be the same If you said you wanted a nice trip with your new husband/wife instead of gifts and if they donated then great but they don't HAVE to? No where in my post did I say it was mandatory that they brought money. The poem I found stated that if you'd like to give a gift we'd rather it go towards the honeymoon. 

    Registries were invented when couples were just leaving their parents' house. The couple needed things like dishes and linens. The family wanted to help start their life together. Registries were put together as a list of ideas for the guests.

    I would be so embarassed to ask my friends and family to DONATE money towards a trip that is not required of me to take in which I will be having sex for a week. PPs offered good suggestions. Why not just not register, and let people know by word of mouth that you are saving up for your trip?

    Anniversary

    image
    chibiyuiperdonami
  • We are having a honeyfund as our main registry and a small registry at crate and barrel for those who prefer that option. But we are a family of 6 and have lived on our own for many years and together for the last two. We have doubles of everything. That being said yes towels and replacement dishes are always nice. So we registered for a few of those things. But honestly the honeyfund is our main registry. I heard great things about it from other friends who had it... I have had several people compliment our registry and say how fun it is that they get to feel involved in helping us plan what fun things to do. They don't have to  contribute on the website... they can just bring an envelope to the wedding. If people know you prefer money instead of a picture frame then they rather do that. Thats what I have been told by several friends and family members. Do what you want to do and what makes your day special. Saying you prefer something for your honeymoon is no worse than saying "hey I want these special towels"... Its a wish list... not something they have to do. Don't worry about everyone else here saying how terrible it is if you do it. You know your friends and family best.
    tiphenieB
  • Think outside of the box for your registry. It doesn't have to be just pots & pans and dishes and towels. It can be board games, tools, yard games, wine fridge, sporting goods, whatever your heart desires. Go to some stores & pick out the things you would get yourself if money wasn't an issue & put those things on your registry.
    tiphenieBchibiyui
  • I think its funny people keep saying sexfest or your vacation to have sex for a week. So you can't say you want a contribution to that but you can say  you want these specific new sheets so you can have sex on those?
    perdonamiAroundTheBlock
  • Just don't register for anything. If anyone asks say you're saving for a nice honeymoon. End of story.
    SachaBeeashmay2015
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