Dry Wedding Etiquette?

emmiejayne · January 2015

FH and I don't really drink much (he's a diabetic, I just don't like it, we're not so desperate to drink that it's been put in our budget to have an open bar). How do we say to people (politely) that we won't be providing alcohol?

What if people BYOB (not that we suggest it, that they do it of their own initiative)? Will it be side-eyed?

We made the decision to tee-total, and our family will respect that, but I have a couple (two or three) friends who might be a bit arsey about it. Just... How do I handle it?

photokitty · January 2015

emmiejayne said:

FH and I don't really drink much (he's a diabetic, I just don't like it, we're not so desperate to drink that it's been put in our budget to have an open bar). How do we say to people (politely) that we won't be providing alcohol?

What if people BYOB (not that we suggest it, that they do it of their own initiative)? Will it be side-eyed?

We made the decision to tee-total, and our family will respect that, but I have a couple (two or three) friends who might be a bit arsey about it. Just... How do I handle it?

You do not need to say anything. It is perfectly within etiquette to host a dry wedding reception.

I would not tell anyone to reduce the chance of people BYOB, which is very rude on their part and will probably be a violation of your venue contract. If a guests expects to be served alcohol that is their rude assumption.

If people are rude about it that's on them, not you. Remind them that outside beverages are not allowed at your venue.

emmiejayne · January 2015

photokitty said:
You do not need to say anything. It is perfectly within etiquette to host a dry wedding reception.
I would not tell anyone to reduce the chance of people BYOB, which is very rude on their part and will probably be a violation of your venue contract. If a guests expects to be served alcohol that is their rude assumption.

If people are rude about it that's on them, not you. Remind them that outside beverages are not allowed at your venue.

It's something I've been panicking about - I'm a people-pleaser, so I don't want to offend anyone!

banana468 · January 2015

I think you just need to tell them to chill. That said, I think a dry wedding is best suited to times when people are least likely to drink.

I know this varies with the crowd but in my family, dry just doesn't fly. My daughter's birthday parties have had alcohol even though she's 4. The adults drink if they want and the kids don't. The time that it just doesn't matter is in the late morning and early afternoon when people are less likely to consume alcohol anyway.

Maggie0829 · January 2015

emmiejayne said:

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photokitty said:
You do not need to say anything. It is perfectly within etiquette to host a dry wedding reception.
I would not tell anyone to reduce the chance of people BYOB, which is very rude on their part and will probably be a violation of your venue contract. If a guests expects to be served alcohol that is their rude assumption.

If people are rude about it that's on them, not you. Remind them that outside beverages are not allowed at your venue.

It's something I've been panicking about - I'm a people-pleaser, so I don't want to offend anyone!

You would only offend people if you served no liquids what so ever. If people get upset that they can't have a glass of wine or a vodka and tonic at your wedding then that is there problem. It would be the same if people threw a fit that they didn't get lobster for dinner but rather chicken.

emmiejayne · January 2015

banana468 said:

That said, I think a dry wedding is best suited to times when people are least likely to drink.

I know this varies with the crowd but in my family, dry just doesn't fly.

Meep! I don't think anyone would complain to my face, I'm worried about (some, from certain people) backstabby bitchyness. And I can't not invite them. They're (his) family.

Maggie0829 said:
You would only offend people if you served no liquids what so ever. If people get upset that they can't have a glass of wine or a vodka and tonic at your wedding then that is there problem. It would be the same if people threw a fit that they didn't get lobster for dinner but rather chicken.

We're serving iced water, tea, coffee, and three fruity drinks (haven't quite decided yet what, but there will be a peach sparkler (peach syrup, sugar free, sparkling water and blueberries to float) for toasts). Is this reasonable?

Our whole wedding is a very DIY, family-orientated, stew-and-dumplings kind of affair. Does it fit?

Maggie0829 · January 2015

emmiejayne said:

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banana468 said:

That said, I think a dry wedding is best suited to times when people are least likely to drink.

I know this varies with the crowd but in my family, dry just doesn't fly.

Meep! I don't think anyone would complain to my face, I'm worried about (some, from certain people) backstabby bitchyness. And I can't not invite them. They're (his) family.

show previous quotes

Maggie0829 said:
You would only offend people if you served no liquids what so ever. If people get upset that they can't have a glass of wine or a vodka and tonic at your wedding then that is there problem. It would be the same if people threw a fit that they didn't get lobster for dinner but rather chicken.

We're serving iced water, tea, coffee, and three fruity drinks (haven't quite decided yet what, but there will be a peach sparkler (peach syrup, sugar free, sparkling water and blueberries to float) for toasts). Is this reasonable?

Our whole wedding is a very DIY, family-orientated, stew-and-dumplings kind of affair. Does it fit?

I think you are overthinking all of this. What you have planned is perfectly fine and more then enough options. Stop worrying what assholes will think or say because you most likely wouldn't be able to please them no matter what you chose.

emmiejayne · January 2015

Maggie0829 said:
I think you are overthinking all of this. What you have planned is perfectly fine and more then enough options. Stop worrying what assholes will think or say because you most likely wouldn't be able to please them no matter what you chose.

Thanks

Need that little "stop being an idiot" slap every now and again. FH is normally good at it (very laid-back man that he is), but thank you for the help!

STARMOON44 · January 2015

emmiejayne said:
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banana468 said:

That said, I think a dry wedding is best suited to times when people are least likely to drink.

I know this varies with the crowd but in my family, dry just doesn't fly.

Meep! I don't think anyone would complain to my face, I'm worried about (some, from certain people) backstabby bitchyness. And I can't not invite them. They're (his) family.

Maggie0829 said:

You would only offend people if you served no liquids what so ever. If people get upset that they can't have a glass of wine or a vodka and tonic at your wedding then that is there problem. It would be the same if people threw a fit that they didn't get lobster for dinner but rather chicken.

We're serving iced water, tea, coffee, and three fruity drinks (haven't quite decided yet what, but there will be a peach sparkler (peach syrup, sugar free, sparkling water and blueberries to float) for toasts). Is this reasonable?

Our whole wedding is a very DIY, family-orientated, stew-and-dumplings kind of affair. Does it fit?

I would just add soda to your list. Coke, Diet, and Sprite would be a good start.

emmiejayne · January 2015

STARMOON44 said:
I would just add soda to your list. Coke, Diet, and Sprite would be a good start.

How did I overlook this?! That's now on the list - cola and diet, but we're doing something limey as part of the punches, so...

But thank you!!

slothiegal · January 2015

emmiejayne said:

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Maggie0829 said:
I think you are overthinking all of this. What you have planned is perfectly fine and more then enough options. Stop worrying what assholes will think or say because you most likely wouldn't be able to please them no matter what you chose.

Thanks Need that little "stop being an idiot" slap every now and again. FH is normally good at it (very laid-back man that he is), but thank you for the help!

We all need that sometimes...especially during wedding planning

thesilverbride · January 2015

BO-RING!

People already don't want to be at your wedding, but still show up with a gift in hand. the least you can do is give them a nice buzz.

Fairyjen1 · January 2015

kristypaolucci said:

BO-RING!

People already don't want to be at your wedding, but still show up with a gift in hand. the least you can do is give them a nice buzz.

Well, you're a charmer, aren't you.

Lizzieyounce · January 2015

kristypaolucci said:

BO-RING!

People already don't want to be at your wedding, but still show up with a gift in hand. the least you can do is give them a nice buzz.

Well bless your heart!

levioosa · January 2015

kristypaolucci said:

BO-RING!

People already don't want to be at your wedding, but still show up with a gift in hand. the least you can do is give them a nice buzz.

Seriously?

OP, a dry wedding is perfectly fine and lovely if executed correctly (options besides water, no cash required, etc). If people complain, it is on them, not you.

slothiegal · January 2015

kristypaolucci said:

BO-RING!

People already don't want to be at your wedding, but still show up with a gift in hand. the least you can do is give them a nice buzz.

Who are these people? The bridesmaids you were complaining about?

wrigleyville · January 2015

kristypaolucci said:

BO-RING!

People already don't want to be at your wedding, but still show up with a gift in hand. the least you can do is give them a nice buzz.

Well aren't you a peach.

I hope nobody shows up at your wedding. You know, since people don't actually want to come.

emmiejayne · January 2015

wrigleyville said:

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kristypaolucci said:

BO-RING!

People already don't want to be at your wedding, but still show up with a gift in hand. the least you can do is give them a nice buzz.

Well aren't you a peach.

I hope nobody shows up at your wedding. You know, since people don't actually want to come.

Not sure if troll or just needs alcohol to have fun. Or being funny.

Thank you all for this

levioosa said:
OP, a dry wedding is perfectly fine and lovely if executed correctly (options besides water, no cash required, etc). If people complain, it is on them, not you.

No cash will be required. And there will be options besides water. Sparkly appley-goodness for toasts, anyone? Thank you!

larrygaga · January 2015

It's fine to have a dry wedding. However, if you are the weird rarity and most of your crowd drinks, you could do a beer and wine bar! Some venues allow kegs to be bought/brought in, which saves a lot of money. You don't have to, but there are ways to have alcohol without going completely broke!

You could do fun sodas and punches instead! I'm sure there are tons of ideas on fun dry weddings.

kristypaolucci said:

BO-RING!

People already don't want to be at your wedding, but still show up with a gift in hand. the least you can do is give them a nice buzz.

You sound like one of those people who can't go to a party without getting black-out drunk and making everyone babysit you. I just had that immediate impression of you.

mikenberger · January 2015

kristypaolucci said:

BO-RING!

People already don't want to be at your wedding, but still show up with a gift in hand. the least you can do is give them a nice buzz.

Ohhh. You're probably one of them woo girls, aren't you?

plainjane0415 · January 2015

kristypaolucci said:

BO-RING!

People already don't want to be at your wedding, but still show up with a gift in hand. the least you can do is give them a nice buzz.

Usually if I go to a wedding it's because I want to be there. Otherwise, I don't show up.

I'll add this to the list of things I'm doing wrong. Which seems to be growing everytime I read the etiquette board, or wedding party board for that matter.

novella1186 · January 2015

mikenberger said:

show previous quotes

kristypaolucci said:

BO-RING!

People already don't want to be at your wedding, but still show up with a gift in hand. the least you can do is give them a nice buzz.

Ohhh. You're probably one of them woo girls, aren't you?

For some reason I picture her being that drunk mess that everyone is side-eyeing all night....

novella1186 · January 2015

emmiejayne, your plans sound very nice! Nothing you've mentioned is against etiquette at all, so if anyone has a problem with it, that's on them. If they decide to BYOB behind your back, or talk badly behind your back, just because they don't get to get drunk during your wedding, they're just making themselves look like assholes. You have nothing to worry about.

kristypaolucci's completely obnoxious, can't-have-fun-without-drinking comment. It's not cool and it won't fly with most people. So you're good!

[Deleted User] · January 2015

emmiejayne I just wanted you to know that you're not the only one who will be having a dry wedding. FH and I are part of a crowd who does drink, but out of respect of his family who does not feel comfortable around alcohol (they're very religious) we will not be serving anything but soda, water and various punches and sugar-free drinks. We'll provide champagne and sparkling grape juice for the toast, but for those who feel like they HAVE to have a drink to enjoy themselves, they'll just get over it. We've had a couple of friends give us the side-eye about it, but I've just ignored it.

After the reception is over, FH and I are walking to our favorite bar to have celebratory beers and plan to tell the crowd who drinks that if they want to come along, they're more than welcome to.

emmiejayne · January 2015

plainjane0415 said:
Usually if I go to a wedding it's because I want to be there. Otherwise, I don't show up.
I'll add this to the list of things I'm doing wrong. Which seems to be growing everytime I read the etiquette board, or wedding party board for that matter.

I thought that was kinda the whole point of a wedding! People come together to support the couple in what is a very emotional journey. Apparently not, it's about exchanging a "gift" for getting wasted for free. (Tongue in cheek if anyone's worried).

Mind if I ask what you're getting "wrong"? xx

emmiejayne · January 2015

Thank you all for this. I spoke to a good friend (actually my sister-in-law-to-be) and she said she doesn't really care whether there's alcohol or not (she's one of these that can have fun without being pissed).

I guess it's all about setting the tone, right? If we're happy with the dry part, everyone else will follow our lead. Hopefully.

plainjane0415 · January 2015

emmiejayne said:

show previous quotes

plainjane0415 said:
Usually if I go to a wedding it's because I want to be there. Otherwise, I don't show up.
I'll add this to the list of things I'm doing wrong. Which seems to be growing everytime I read the etiquette board, or wedding party board for that matter.

I thought that was kinda the whole point of a wedding! People come together to support the couple in what is a very emotional journey. Apparently not, it's about exchanging a "gift" for getting wasted for free. (Tongue in cheek if anyone's worried).

Mind if I ask what you're getting "wrong"? xx

@emmiejayne, I was being sarcastic, but with all of the SS posts that are here, it makes me feel like properly hosting your guests and respecting your wedding party are just not cool anymore. Thus, I'm doing this whole "wedding thing" wrong haha! I think what you are planning sounds perfectly fine! And as many after school specials told us when we were younger, You don't have to drink to have a good time.

PrettyGirlLost · January 2015

kristypaolucci said:

BO-RING!

People already don't want to be at your wedding, but still show up with a gift in hand. the least you can do is give them a nice buzz.

kmmssg · January 2015

PrettyGirlLost said:

show previous quotes

kristypaolucci said:

BO-RING!

People already don't want to be at your wedding, but still show up with a gift in hand. the least you can do is give them a nice buzz.

Unfortunately, I think she is.

velvethelicopters · January 2015

I thought if I didn't want to attend a wedding, I just marked whatever phrase of "not attending" was on the RSVP card and sent it back.

I'm so glad to know I am to attend and get drunk off my ass instead. :disagree:

Maggie0829 · January 2015

velvethelicopters said:

I thought if I didn't want to attend a wedding, I just marked whatever phrase of "not attending" was on the RSVP card and sent it back. I'm so glad to know I am to attend and get drunk off my ass instead. :disagree:

Well that is only if the wedding has an open bar. If it doesn't that means the hosts are assholes who won't allow you to get your buzz on even though you would bring a gift. Then you are allowed to decline the invite because what the hell is the point of going to a wedding if you can't get hot mess wasted?!

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