Can I put an age limit on invitations?

mikenberger · January 2015

nhultberg461 said:

So in other words the safest honest way to go without hurting anyone's feelings, what on the invitations?
I've already tried to reduce the drama of the day by not inviting some of my uncles who would be disrespectful of my dad. (my own parents are divorced).
So if you just state the Mr. & Mrs. on the invite does that pretty much state that you are not bringing your children?

See my very first post

nhultberg461 · January 2015

Ok so I address the invites to Mr. and Mrs. and then only option for 2 seats at the reception. And if she tries to add a 3rd, how do you politely explain that is not allowed, or at that point would I need to get her sister or mom involved? And I say not my fiancé again because of the stress that he doesn't needed added to his recovery.

redoryx · January 2015

nhultberg461 said:

So in other words the safest honest way to go without hurting anyone's feelings, what on the invitations?
I've already tried to reduce the drama of the day by not inviting some of my uncles who would be disrespectful of my dad. (my own parents are divorced).
So if you just state the Mr. & Mrs. on the invite does that pretty much state that you are not bringing your children?

Yes. With invitations you only indicate who IS invited (Mr & Mrs. So and So) and never list who is NOT invited (Adults Only).

If someone puts kids on the RSVP or calls and inquires, explain to them that only the Mr. and Mrs. are invited and if they get upset just remember that they are being the rude ones, not you for only having 18 and up.

mlg78 · January 2015

This is SO simple...have NO ONE under 18 at the wedding other than your children. You put NOTHING on the invites...but when you address them, you simply don't include children's names. Now, since your FSIL sounds like a complete pain in the ass she's going to RSVP that she's bringing all of her kids. That's when I'd recommend your FI call her up and say, "Sorry, dear sister of mine, but unfortunately we're having an adult-only reception but we can't wait to celebrate with you on our wedding day." She may throw a fit and refuse to come then...and if so, maybe that's for the best since she clearly stresses you out.

lovegood90 · January 2015

nhultberg461 said:

So in other words the safest honest way to go without hurting anyone's feelings, what on the invitations?
I've already tried to reduce the drama of the day by not inviting some of my uncles who would be disrespectful of my dad. (my own parents are divorced).
So if you just state the Mr. & Mrs. on the invite does that pretty much state that you are not bringing your children?

Yep, just put "Mr and Mrs Smith" on the invite, and if you want to be even more clear about who IS invited, you can put "2 seats have been reserved in your honour."

And you can even go further and put "Mr Smith_accepts _declines" "Mrs Smith _accepts _declines." That way, it's clear how many and who exactly are invited.

I think that's what can be done, someone correct me if I'm wrong!

blabla89 · January 2015

nhultberg461 said:

So in other words the safest honest way to go without hurting anyone's feelings, what on the invitations?
I've already tried to reduce the drama of the day by not inviting some of my uncles who would be disrespectful of my dad. (my own parents are divorced).
So if you just state the Mr. & Mrs. on the invite does that pretty much state that you are not bringing your children?

Yes, that's correct. Addressing to Mr. and Mrs. Smith conveys that only Mr. and Mrs. Smith are invited, and little Johnny is not invited. If a guest misunderstands this and tries to RSVP for their child, you can call them and clarify that the invitation was just for Mr. and Mrs. Smith. That is the appropriate way to go about it.

novella1186 · January 2015

nhultberg461 said:

Ok so I address the invites to Mr. and Mrs. and then only option for 2 seats at the reception. And if she tries to add a 3rd, how do you politely explain that is not allowed, or at that point would I need to get her sister or mom involved? And I say not my fiancé again because of the stress that he doesn't needed added to his recovery.

You give her a call and just say "I'm sorry for the misunderstanding but the invitation was only meant for you and your SO. Unfortunately we weren't able to accommodate little Susie. I'm looking forward to seeing you there!"

ETA: I mean you give her a call and explain this only if she STILL tries to add her kid, after you've made it clear via the invite that the kid is not invited.

mikenberger · January 2015

lovegood90 said:

nhultberg461 said:

So in other words the safest honest way to go without hurting anyone's feelings, what on the invitations?
I've already tried to reduce the drama of the day by not inviting some of my uncles who would be disrespectful of my dad. (my own parents are divorced).
So if you just state the Mr. & Mrs. on the invite does that pretty much state that you are not bringing your children?

Yep, just put "Mr and Mrs Smith" on the invite, and if you want to be even more clear about who IS invited, you can put "2 seats have been reserved in your honour."
And you can even go further and put "Mr Smith_accepts _declines" "Mrs Smith _accepts _declines." That way, it's clear how many and who exactly are invited.
I think that's what can be done, someone correct me if I'm wrong!

dcbride86 · January 2015

nhultberg461 said:

Ok so I address the invites to Mr. and Mrs. and then only option for 2 seats at the reception. And if she tries to add a 3rd, how do you politely explain that is not allowed, or at that point would I need to get her sister or mom involved? And I say not my fiancé again because of the stress that he doesn't needed added to his recovery.

You just say "Hi Mr./Mrs. Doe, I received your RSVP and am very excited to see you at the wedding! However, I also noticed that you reserved a seat for little Suzie. I'm so sorry if there was some confusion, but unfortunately we were not able to invite everyone, and the invitation was only for you and your spouse. I saw Suzie recently competed in a karate competition! She looked great! And your house renovations looked great on Facebook. I can't wait to hear about them sometime."

If they don't go because little Suzie can't go, then that's on them, not you.

mikenberger · January 2015

And if you get that lovely family member that tries to tell people "Well, you can just bring Suzie. It won't be a problem." Get your FMIL and other FSIL to shut her/him down. No need to worry your FI. SHE/HE is being the rude one by inviting others. Not you. You're perfectly within etiquette.

nhultberg461 · January 2015

The stress the first time around is why I eloped the first time. But I'm trying to figure out the polite way to handle this time around, as I do want to wear the dress and have my dad walk me down the aisle.

But at the same time if it's going to cause this much drama, I wonder if just going to down to the little white chapel with our parents and my two kids may be the way to go.

novella1186 · January 2015

nhultberg461 said:

The stress the first time around is why I eloped the first time. But I'm trying to figure out the polite way to handle this time around, as I do want to wear the dress and have my dad walk me down the aisle.
But at the same time if it's going to cause this much drama, I wonder if just going to down to the little white chapel with our parents and my two kids may be the way to go.

I totally understand. My sister and dad have been total monsters with my wedding planning, which has caused my FI and I a ton of stress to the point that we talked about eloping.

mikenberger said. You'll be ok! This wedding is about YOU and your FI, and no one else. Just focus on the two of you!

mikenberger · January 2015

I feel like we've solved a problem! Well hopefully. I'm gonna jump for joy anyways.

nhultberg461 · January 2015

It has helped definitely. I think I know what I need to do without hurting any of our families feelings, and if they don't like it, then I think they can stay home.

Thanks

antibride2013 · January 2015

nhultberg461 said:

Ok so I address the invites to Mr. and Mrs. and then only option for 2 seats at the reception. And if she tries to add a 3rd, how do you politely explain that is not allowed, or at that point would I need to get her sister or mom involved? And I say not my fiancé again because of the stress that he doesn't needed added to his recovery.

Ok this is seriously confusing. Why would the sister add a 3rd person if all her children are over 18? Who would she add?

mikenberger · January 2015

antibride2013 said:

nhultberg461 said:

Ok so I address the invites to Mr. and Mrs. and then only option for 2 seats at the reception. And if she tries to add a 3rd, how do you politely explain that is not allowed, or at that point would I need to get her sister or mom involved? And I say not my fiancé again because of the stress that he doesn't needed added to his recovery.
Ok this is seriously confusing. Why would the sister add a 3rd person if all her children are over 18? Who would she add?

Any of the invite people that have kids under 13. "You can bring them. It's okay." How many threads have we seen where Grandma is adding people or the Pastor is telling the congregation when the wedding is? Aye yi yi.

antibride2013 · January 2015

mikenberger said:

antibride2013 said:

nhultberg461 said:

Ok so I address the invites to Mr. and Mrs. and then only option for 2 seats at the reception. And if she tries to add a 3rd, how do you politely explain that is not allowed, or at that point would I need to get her sister or mom involved? And I say not my fiancé again because of the stress that he doesn't needed added to his recovery.
Ok this is seriously confusing. Why would the sister add a 3rd person if all her children are over 18? Who would she add?
Any of the invite people that have kids under 13. "You can bring them. It's okay." How many threads have we seen where Grandma is adding people or the Pastor is telling the congregation when the wedding is? Aye yi yi.

Yeah I agree with that, but when she first posted, she said the sister was mad no one under 13 was being invited, then OP said all the sisters other kids would get their own invite, but then OP said if the sister added a 3rd seat reserved sheould OP bring it up to the mother. So what I am confused about is 1. who is the sister trying to invite that is under 13, and 2. why is the sister so worried about the under 13 rule if she isn't directly impacted by it?

Does that make sense?

thespeshulestsnowflake · January 2015

antibride2013 said:

mikenberger said:

antibride2013 said:

nhultberg461 said:

Ok so I address the invites to Mr. and Mrs. and then only option for 2 seats at the reception. And if she tries to add a 3rd, how do you politely explain that is not allowed, or at that point would I need to get her sister or mom involved? And I say not my fiancé again because of the stress that he doesn't needed added to his recovery.
Ok this is seriously confusing. Why would the sister add a 3rd person if all her children are over 18? Who would she add?
Any of the invite people that have kids under 13. "You can bring them. It's okay." How many threads have we seen where Grandma is adding people or the Pastor is telling the congregation when the wedding is? Aye yi yi.

Yeah I agree with that, but when she first posted, she said the sister was mad no one under 13 was being invited, then OP said all the sisters other kids would get their own invite, but then OP said if the sister added a 3rd seat reserved sheould OP bring it up to the mother. So what I am confused about is 1. who is the sister trying to invite that is under 13, and 2. why is the sister so worried about the under 13 rule if she isn't directly impacted by it?

Does that make sense?

I was just about to ask the exact same thing? If it doesn't effect her why the fuck does she give a shit? Unless she just wants to be a bitch to OP?

LondonLisa · January 2015

I read it as the sister has all adult children over 18 except for one under 13. It is that under 13 child that the sister is upset about not being invited.

antibride2013 · January 2015

LondonLisa said:

I read it as the sister has all adult children over 18 except for one under 13. It is that under 13 child that the sister is upset about not being invited.

SIB!!!

That is how I read it too, then everyone told her that it is rude to split up families and not invite the one child under 13 but invite the over 18 siblings of the uninvited younger child, and OP got all mad saying we were mean, and bullies, then somehow it changed. That is what I am confused about.

nhultberg461 · January 2015

It changed because it started to make sense. I was called petty and was asking for advice. Being that I'm paying for the wedding and reception. My kids will be over the age of 13 at the time of the wedding and will be part of the wedding party. My issue came in as his sister has one child that still lives at home that will not be over the age of 13 at the time of the wedding. Her other children are all over the age of 18 and do not live at the same house, therefore that is how they get their own invite. I wasn't trying to split a family up, trying to keep costs down and do enjoy our wedding day. I had to stand my ground when I felt that I was being attacked.

I was trying to find out the polite way to address the invites, making it so that only those listed on the invites where the one's that were RSVP'ing.

The only kids that are invited that are under the age of 18 are my two children and the flower girl. I did not want to includes kids under a certain age as to make sure that I didn't leave my kids out of it. But as someone else pointed out, that being that they are my kids and part of the wedding party I didn't have to really explain that part of it.

And then they have also explained that I can address the invites just to Mr. & Mrs. and then also state about reserving two seats for them and not an additional one.

Maggie0829 · January 2015

antibride2013 said:

LondonLisa said:

I read it as the sister has all adult children over 18 except for one under 13. It is that under 13 child that the sister is upset about not being invited.

SIB!!!

That is how I read it too, then everyone told her that it is rude to split up families and not invite the one child under 13 but invite the over 18 siblings of the uninvited younger child, and OP got all mad saying we were mean, and bullies, then somehow it changed. That is what I am confused about.

Question! Now if the sister has 3 kids that are all adults now and will receive their own invite, then would it really be splitting up the family if the under 13 year old is not invited? It isn't like we are talking about a 16 year old and a 10 year old here. We are talking about a minor who would need to be invited with his parents versus grown children, out of the house and possibly with their own families.

I could see how this could be a tricky situation.

antibride2013 · January 2015

nhultberg461 said:

It changed because it started to make sense. I was called petty and was asking for advice. Being that I'm paying for the wedding and reception. My kids will be over the age of 13 at the time of the wedding and will be part of the wedding party. My issue came in as his sister has one child that still lives at home that will not be over the age of 13 at the time of the wedding. Her other children are all over the age of 18 and do not live at the same house, therefore that is how they get their own invite. I wasn't trying to split a family up, trying to keep costs down and do enjoy our wedding day. I had to stand my ground when I felt that I was being attacked.

I was trying to find out the polite way to address the invites, making it so that only those listed on the invites where the one's that were RSVP'ing.

The only kids that are invited that are under the age of 18 are my two children and the flower girl. I did not want to includes kids under a certain age as to make sure that I didn't leave my kids out of it. But as someone else pointed out, that being that they are my kids and part of the wedding party I didn't have to really explain that part of it.

And then they have also explained that I can address the invites just to Mr. & Mrs. and then also state about reserving two seats for them and not an additional one.

SITB!!!!

The bolded is splitting up a family and NO you cannot do that. It is very rude. Very rude!!! It doesn't matter if you are paying for the wedding. It is your freaking party why the heck wouldn't you pay for it?! But OP NO what you are wanting to do is very rude and you should not even be thinking about doing this. I would be pissed at you too.

nhultberg461 · January 2015

Let me clarify a little more, it's not just her youngest that wouldn't be included it would be anyone under a certain age. I guess that's where I should have started with. Is it rude to put an age limit, as I'm seeing it I can just address the invites to those that I want, as such Mr. and Mrs. and then just state I have 2 seats reserved for them. Simple and polite.

thespeshulestsnowflake · January 2015

nhultberg461 said:

It changed because it started to make sense. I was called petty and was asking for advice. Being that I'm paying for the wedding and reception. My kids will be over the age of 13 at the time of the wedding and will be part of the wedding party. My issue came in as his sister has one child that still lives at home that will not be over the age of 13 at the time of the wedding. Her other children are all over the age of 18 and do not live at the same house, therefore that is how they get their own invite. I wasn't trying to split a family up, trying to keep costs down and do enjoy our wedding day. I had to stand my ground when I felt that I was being attacked.
I was trying to find out the polite way to address the invites, making it so that only those listed on the invites where the one's that were RSVP'ing.
The only kids that are invited that are under the age of 18 are my two children and the flower girl. I did not want to includes kids under a certain age as to make sure that I didn't leave my kids out of it. But as someone else pointed out, that being that they are my kids and part of the wedding party I didn't have to really explain that part of it.
And then they have also explained that I can address the invites just to Mr. & Mrs. and then also state about reserving two seats for them and not an additional one.

How old is the under 13 child? And it seems you are acting pretty petty to exclude this child because of the mom's actions. Why are the other siblings being invited? Just because they are over your abitrary 13 rule?

novella1186 · January 2015

nhultberg461 said:

Let me clarify a little more, it's not just her youngest that wouldn't be included it would be anyone under a certain age. I guess that's where I should have started with. Is it rude to put an age limit, as I'm seeing it I can just address the invites to those that I want, as such Mr. and Mrs. and then just state I have 2 seats reserved for them. Simple and polite.

The age limit thing can be rude, yes, because it can result in splitting up families such as the sister's older kids being invited but the 13 yr old not being invited. This is not ok. Get the age limit thing out of your head. Because you can't do that, however you CAN do some other things that might resolve this for you.

1. Invite all of the sister's children including the 13 yr old. The youngest will be included on the parents' invite, the older ones will get their own invites. It's just one person, it won't make or break your budget really.

2. Do not invite any of the sister's children. This is why I told you to forget the age limit thing. That's irrelevant and makes everything more tricky. If the older kids are not invited, then there's no need to invite the youngest either. So this will help keep your number of guests under control and help you stay in your budget.

With families it should be all or none, and "age limits" don't come into play.

Maggie0829 · January 2015

nhultberg461 said:

Let me clarify a little more, it's not just her youngest that wouldn't be included it would be anyone under a certain age. I guess that's where I should have started with. Is it rude to put an age limit, as I'm seeing it I can just address the invites to those that I want, as such Mr. and Mrs. and then just state I have 2 seats reserved for them. Simple and polite.

No it is not rude to set a cut off age in your mind when making up your guest list. But it does become rude if, say, you invite Jim and John and their 16 year old son Chris but not their 10 year old daughter Lori.

nhultberg461 · January 2015

He'll be 8 at the time of the wedding. But apparently I'm the bitch because heaven forbid that I try to keep my day as stress free as possible. I'm not asking anyone with children to bring them. If they are adults then I will be asking them.

My kids are the only ones that will be invited as they are part of the wedding party.

I have cousins that their children will not be age 13 or older at the time and will be only addressing the invites to them and not their whole family.

Why is it hard for those to understand that costs is a huge factor in who I am inviting and who I am not inviting.

antibride2013 · January 2015

nhultberg461 said:

Let me clarify a little more, it's not just her youngest that wouldn't be included it would be anyone under a certain age. I guess that's where I should have started with. Is it rude to put an age limit, as I'm seeing it I can just address the invites to those that I want, as such Mr. and Mrs. and then just state I have 2 seats reserved for them. Simple and polite.

SIB!!

The under 13 would work for anyone who doesn't have siblings over the age of 13 in the family who are invited. Where you are wrong is that the younger sibling in this scenario HAS TO BE INVITED. It is splitting up a family!

LondonLisa · January 2015

nhultberg461 said:

Let me clarify a little more, it's not just her youngest that wouldn't be included it would be anyone under a certain age. I guess that's where I should have started with. Is it rude to put an age limit, as I'm seeing it I can just address the invites to those that I want, as such Mr. and Mrs. and then just state I have 2 seats reserved for them. Simple and polite.

No, we get that. Are you inviting ANY siblings between 13-18 and not inviting the under 13?

Over 18 adult children and their under 13 siblings I feel doesn't constitute splitting siblings, as the adult invitees are being invited on their own in an adult capacity However, it does have the potential to cause drama. Now if there were 13-18 year old siblings and under 13 sibling split, I would think that was rude. I agree it is a tricky situation.

OP has stated that the only under 18s invited will be her own children and the flower girl, which seems like an adults-only event so the 13 age limit is arbitrary. Is that correct OP? No one under 18 except those 3 children will be there?

Can I put an age limit on invitations?

Re: Can I put an age limit on invitations?

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