I thought if I didn't want to attend a wedding, I just marked whatever phrase of "not attending" was on the RSVP card and sent it back.
I'm so glad to know I am to attend and get drunk off my ass instead. :disagree:
Well that is only if the wedding has an open bar. If it doesn't that means the hosts are assholes who won't allow you to get your buzz on even though you would bring a gift. Then you are allowed to decline the invite because what the hell is the point of going to a wedding if you can't get hot mess wasted?!
Clearly, I'm doing this all wrong. Open bar, I have 2 or 3 drinks in 5 hours. Dry wedding, I enjoy the party, maybe not as long but hey, these are my friends. Cash bar is a different matter. If I have to pay, I am getting drunk off my ass. Granted, I've attended two cash bar receptions that I can remember and I was 20 (hey, they didn't check my ID) and 22, so getting wasted was the point.
We're serving iced water, tea, coffee, and three fruity drinks (haven't quite decided yet what, but there will be a peach sparkler (peach syrup, sugar free, sparkling water and blueberries to float) for toasts). Is this reasonable?
Our whole wedding is a very DIY, family-orientated, stew-and-dumplings kind of affair. Does it fit?
I have Type I diabetes (I'm assuming that's his type) also and you all would be my HEROS having something sugar-free, other than Diet Coke, water, and iced tea. The beverage world gets very limited, very fast when you need to avoid sugary sodas and juices.
Though, just for the other PPs out there, I don't want you all to get the impression that diabetics can't drink alcohol. Certainly the OP's FI has either chosen not to or had his doc advise it, but this is not the case for most. I personally find one of the most aggravating aspects of the disease...especially for us Type 1ers (more uncommon type)...is the plethora of misinformation about it, so I can't help but correct when I see a wrong impression may have been given.
Again, not at all accusing the OP of giving misinformation...but I could see where people unfamiliar with the disease could have jumped to the conclusion that diabetics can't drink alcohol.
To be honest, if you are having an afternoon/evening wedding and you are not known to be part of a strict non-drinking community, as a guest I'm going to expect alcohol to be served. It doesn't mean I need it, or that I'm going to get wasted, but yes I'm going to expect at least wine and beer. And I'm going to be disappointed and a bit confused that it's not there. And I will definitely talk about you later and wonder why you didn't have any alcohol. In fact, it's probably something that would come up for years "Remember Jane Doe's wedding? That was so weird that there was no wine with dinner. Did they really think people were going to say and dance with no drinks? It's not like they're totally against booze, it was just so weird". Now, I'm sure I would still have a fine time and I would't write you off as a friend or anything of course, but yes, I would talk about it and think it was weird. Just being honest.
If it's a morning or lunchtime type of event, to be honest I'd still expect there to be some alcohol, as it's just pretty standard at big social functions to have alcohol, but I wouldn't care nearly as much that there wasn't.
I was invited to one dry wedding, but unfortunately couldn't attend. My friends did (we are all typical drinkers), and had a fine time. They said it was mostly just sitting at the tables, and there was a lot of cultural things that were cool to see. They enjoyed themselves, but not the way they do at a typical wedding where there's dancing and stuff. We all knew it was going to be a dry wedding--the couple and their families were strict muslims, and never drank.
Though, just for the other PPs out there, I don't want you all to get the impression that diabetics can't drink alcohol. Certainly the OP's FI has either chosen not to or had his doc advise it, but this is not the case for most. I personally find one of the most aggravating aspects of the disease...especially for us Type 1ers (more uncommon type)...is the plethora of misinformation about it, so I can't help but correct when I see a wrong impression may have been given.
Again, not at all accusing the OP of giving misinformation...but I could see where people unfamiliar with the disease could have jumped to the conclusion that diabetics can't drink alcohol.
He doesn't drink because it makes his blood sugar control worse, and he's type 2. It's a choice which has helped him. I don't drink because I'm bi-polar and it makes me worse. Even the temptation to drink makes things difficult, especially in highly strung, emotional situations.
To be honest, if you are having an afternoon/evening wedding and you are not known to be part of a strict non-drinking community, as a guest I'm going to expect alcohol to be served. It doesn't mean I need it, or that I'm going to get wasted, but yes I'm going to expect at least wine and beer. And I'm going to be disappointed and a bit confused that it's not there. And I will definitely talk about you later and wonder why you didn't have any alcohol. In fact, it's probably something that would come up for years "Remember Jane Doe's wedding? That was so weird that there was no wine with dinner. Did they really think people were going to say and dance with no drinks? It's not like they're totally against booze, it was just so weird". Now, I'm sure I would still have a fine time and I would't write you off as a friend or anything of course, but yes, I would talk about it and think it was weird. Just being honest.
So, how do I let people know there won't be alcohol without telling them all that? At least that gets rid of the alcohol expectation, so there won't be as much disappointment. And the reasons above are for the whole, we don't drink, thing.
Though, just for the other PPs out there, I don't want you all to get the impression that diabetics can't drink alcohol. Certainly the OP's FI has either chosen not to or had his doc advise it, but this is not the case for most. I personally find one of the most aggravating aspects of the disease...especially for us Type 1ers (more uncommon type)...is the plethora of misinformation about it, so I can't help but correct when I see a wrong impression may have been given.
Again, not at all accusing the OP of giving misinformation...but I could see where people unfamiliar with the disease could have jumped to the conclusion that diabetics can't drink alcohol.
He doesn't drink because it makes his blood sugar control worse, and he's type 2. It's a choice which has helped him. I don't drink because I'm bi-polar and it makes me worse. Even the temptation to drink makes things difficult, especially in highly strung, emotional situations.
To be honest, if you are having an afternoon/evening wedding and you are not known to be part of a strict non-drinking community, as a guest I'm going to expect alcohol to be served. It doesn't mean I need it, or that I'm going to get wasted, but yes I'm going to expect at least wine and beer. And I'm going to be disappointed and a bit confused that it's not there. And I will definitely talk about you later and wonder why you didn't have any alcohol. In fact, it's probably something that would come up for years "Remember Jane Doe's wedding? That was so weird that there was no wine with dinner. Did they really think people were going to say and dance with no drinks? It's not like they're totally against booze, it was just so weird". Now, I'm sure I would still have a fine time and I would't write you off as a friend or anything of course, but yes, I would talk about it and think it was weird. Just being honest.
So, how do I let people know there won't be alcohol without telling them all that? At least that gets rid of the alcohol expectation, so there won't be as much disappointment. And the reasons above are for the whole, we don't drink, thing.
You don't owe people excuses or an explanation as to why you don't want alcohol. It's your choice and it's totally fine. If you feel like giving guests a heads up so they're not surprised by it or whatever, just mention it to a few of the biggest gossips and they'll spread the word. If anyone NEEDS to know why, it's for health issues, but it's really none of their business.
Not having alcohol is not rude or against etiquette. You do not need to provide explanations to anyone. And if people judge you or talk about you in a bad light because you chose to not serve alcohol then that is their issue.
Even if you drink on occasion that does not mean you need to provide alcohol because alcohol is never required. If you have decided that not having alcohol is best for you and your FI for whatever reason then that is all that matters.
I had a dry reception and it was perfectly fine. I did not tell anyone about it before hand. We had plenty of drinks, soda, coffee, tea, lemonade, water. No one was lacking. We also had a morning ceremony, so it wasn't missed at all. (Though I found out later that some cousins on H's side had wandered around and found the bar reserved for members of the country club we had our reception in. But they got a glass of wine and kept the booze outside which was appreciated)
If you were heaving an evening wedding in a fancy pants venue and didn't serve any alcohol, I'd probably raise my eyebrows a little. Not in a "bad people no serving booze" way. Just in "oh, no booze, I thought there'd be booze" way. And then I'd move on. Because as much I like drinking I don't need to drink to have fun.
If you're having a more casual wedding (and it sounds like you are) or an earlier wedding, I probably wouldn't even think about it. And that peach thing sounds awesome so I'd down that.
If you were heaving an evening wedding in a fancy pants venue and didn't serve any alcohol, I'd probably raise my eyebrows a little. Not in a "bad people no serving booze" way. Just in "oh, no booze, I thought there'd be booze" way. And then I'd move on.Because as much I like drinking I don't need to drink to have fun.
If you're having a more casual wedding (and it sounds like you are) or an earlier wedding, I probably wouldn't even think about it. And that peach thing sounds awesome so I'd down that.
My rambling point is, sounds good to me.
THIS. THISTHISTHIS. You absolutely don't owe anyone an explanation - I'd probably be a little surprised. Just based on my personal experience, there's alcohol at weddings. But as PPs have said over and over, there doesn't have to be. It's YOUR wedding, and if you're vegan, I'm not showing up expecting a steak dinner.
Which brings me to my next point - if your friends and family are even vaguely aware that you guys don't really drink, they shouldn't even BE all that surprised that your wedding is dry. And if someone comments, (and you actually feel like justifying yourself, which you TOTALLY DON'T HAVE TO), just remind them of the fact that you guys don't drink, mostly for medical reasons.
Jeez. Medical reasons for crying out loud. Of course I wouldn't side-eye you at your wedding!!!!!
Do you want people to be honest or do you want these other brides to brown nose you? I don't ever get wasted at weddings, but you're insane if you think anyone is going to willfully dance without at least a glass of wine in hand. Look.. People, at least most people I know, get social anxiety and don't tend to enjoy being completely sober around family, old friends, and other random people they haven't seen in years or ever met. I think it is unheard of not to have any sort of alcohol there. If you are trying to save money, go easier on flowers, cut out appetizers.. but at least offer ONE light cocktail for the people who are social drinkers. It's a celebration.. alcohol is a necessity. I have been to many many weddings and if there wasn't alcohol.. what a disaster it would have been. Think of your guests +1's.. if it isn't awkward enough not knowing anyone, how do you expect them to have a good time?
I'm just being honest with you lady. I think the #1 piece of advice I have received from fellow brides is to have an open bar.. not having a bar at all could turn out to be a bad wedding story.
just being honest, I hope you can sort this out and take what I said as advice rather than a "threat", and enjoy your big day!
I do not dance much once I've had a drink or two. I'm a klutz as is, dancing in heels while buzzed will end up with me breaking something.
I've been to a number of events with no alcohol. I had fun, and I remember what happened the next day.
What should my dear friends who met in AA do? They do not drink now. Their wedding will be dry. I'll enjoy it. Hell, I will be thankful it's dry. Because if my friend didn't get help, she'd be dead from alcohol poisoning or in prison for killing someone while driving drunk. She'd not be marrying a decent man in three months.
So fuck that bull shit on how alcohol is a requirement to have any fun. That's a very, very dangerous mind set. That's what my friend thought. Dry celebrations with friends are better than no longer friends, dead or in prison.
Do you want people to be honest or do you want these other brides to brown nose you? I don't ever get wasted at weddings, but you're insane if you think anyone is going to willfully dance without at least a glass of wine in hand. Look.. People, at least most people I know, get social anxiety and don't tend to enjoy being completely sober around family, old friends, and other random people they haven't seen in years or ever met. I think it is unheard of not to have any sort of alcohol there. If you are trying to save money, go easier on flowers, cut out appetizers.. but at least offer ONE light cocktail for the people who are social drinkers. It's a celebration.. alcohol is a necessity. I have been to many many weddings and if there wasn't alcohol.. what a disaster it would have been. Think of your guests +1's.. if it isn't awkward enough not knowing anyone, how do you expect them to have a good time?
I'm just being honest with you lady. I think the #1 piece of advice I have received from fellow brides is to have an open bar.. not having a bar at all could turn out to be a bad wedding story.
just being honest, I hope you can sort this out and take what I said as advice rather than a "threat", and enjoy your big day!
I feel very,very bad for you if you can not have fun at a celebration without a drink or enjoy being sober around loved ones.
Actually, when I go to clubs, I drink ice water. I tend to keep dancing for hours on end & need the hydration. I've always danced cold sober - in college, I was the one dancing on the wall. In law school, I was first on the dance floor getting things started.
I can also talk to anyone, anytime, anywhere cold sober. I'd have a blast at a dry wedding, same as any other. In fact, I've done so.
I have very little patience for people who NEED to drink to socialize or have fun, and find them to he fairly pathetic. They're just plain sad.
Do you want people to be honest or do you want these other brides to brown nose you? I don't ever get wasted at weddings, but you're insane if you think anyone is going to willfully dance without at least a glass of wine in hand. Look.. People, at least most people I know, get social anxiety and don't tend to enjoy being completely sober around family, old friends, and other random people they haven't seen in years or ever met. I think it is unheard of not to have any sort of alcohol there. If you are trying to save money, go easier on flowers, cut out appetizers.. but at least offer ONE light cocktail for the people who are social drinkers. It's a celebration.. alcohol is a necessity. I have been to many many weddings and if there wasn't alcohol.. what a disaster it would have been. Think of your guests +1's.. if it isn't awkward enough not knowing anyone, how do you expect them to have a good time?
I'm just being honest with you lady. I think the #1 piece of advice I have received from fellow brides is to have an open bar.. not having a bar at all could turn out to be a bad wedding story.
just being honest, I hope you can sort this out and take what I said as advice rather than a "threat", and enjoy your big day!
1) No one brown noses on here - they're brutally honest.
2) I do! All my friends do! Very few people I know need alcohol to have fun!
3) Other random people? It's 80 people, most of whom are family and/or know each other.
4) Food is more important to me than alcohol. I'd rather people were full and contented than drunk.
5) From what I've gathered from a lot of boards, this one included, alcohol is never a necessity, more a nice addition if the budget is there.
6&9) I'd rather enjoy my night than be worrying about drunk drivers or people getting hurt because they've been drinking. I'd say that would make a for a worse story.
7) I'm not doing plus one's. If you're invited, you're invited by name because I know you (that includes SOs)
8) Please don't call me "lady". Unless it's followed by a surname, it comes across as rude and aggressive.
10) I'm taking your advice with a pinch of salt, is that ok?
Do you want people to be honest or do you want these other brides to brown nose you? I don't ever get wasted at weddings, but you're insane if you think anyone is going to willfully dance without at least a glass of wine in hand. Look.. People, at least most people I know, get social anxiety and don't tend to enjoy being completely sober around family, old friends, and other random people they haven't seen in years or ever met. I think it is unheard of not to have any sort of alcohol there. If you are trying to save money, go easier on flowers, cut out appetizers.. but at least offer ONE light cocktail for the people who are social drinkers. It's a celebration.. alcohol is a necessity. I have been to many many weddings and if there wasn't alcohol.. what a disaster it would have been. Think of your guests +1's.. if it isn't awkward enough not knowing anyone, how do you expect them to have a good time?
I'm just being honest with you lady. I think the #1 piece of advice I have received from fellow brides is to have an open bar.. not having a bar at all could turn out to be a bad wedding story.
just being honest, I hope you can sort this out and take what I said as advice rather than a "threat", and enjoy your big day!
1) No one brown noses on here - they're brutally honest.
2) I do! All my friends do! Very few people I know need alcohol to have fun!
3) Other random people? It's 80 people, most of whom are family and/or know each other.
4) Food is more important to me than alcohol. I'd rather people were full and contented than drunk.
5) From what I've gathered from a lot of boards, this one included, alcohol is never a necessity, more a nice addition if the budget is there.
6&9) I'd rather enjoy my night than be worrying about drunk drivers or people getting hurt because they've been drinking. I'd say that would make a for a worse story.
7) I'm not doing plus one's. If you're invited, you're invited by name because I know you (that includes SOs)
8) Please don't call me "lady". Unless it's followed by a surname, it comes across as rude and aggressive.
10) I'm taking your advice with a pinch of salt, is that ok?
Did somebody really just accuse us of brown nosing? Really? LMAO right now!
ETA: On the other hand, it's sort of a nice change from constantly being accused of being mean and hypercritical of newbies.
Oh but wait, because in her thread where she's bitching about her awful bridesmaids, she claimed we all attacked her. So apparently we selectively brown nose.
Do you want people to be honest or do you want these other brides to brown nose you? I don't ever get wasted at weddings, but you're insane if you think anyone is going to willfully dance without at least a glass of wine in hand. Look.. People, at least most people I know, get social anxiety and don't tend to enjoy being completely sober around family, old friends, and other random people they haven't seen in years or ever met. I think it is unheard of not to have any sort of alcohol there. If you are trying to save money, go easier on flowers, cut out appetizers.. but at least offer ONE light cocktail for the people who are social drinkers. It's a celebration.. alcohol is a necessity. I have been to many many weddings and if there wasn't alcohol.. what a disaster it would have been. Think of your guests +1's.. if it isn't awkward enough not knowing anyone, how do you expect them to have a good time?
I'm just being honest with you lady. I think the #1 piece of advice I have received from fellow brides is to have an open bar.. not having a bar at all could turn out to be a bad wedding story.
just being honest, I hope you can sort this out and take what I said as advice rather than a "threat", and enjoy your big day!
1) Are you serious? I can dance without a drop of alcohol in my body and have the best time. 2) I am from a very rural, conservative area where it's insane to even think about having champagne for the toast, let alone any alcohol to be served. 3) You sound like a wet blanket. 4) Having gone to serveral weddings that did not serve alcohol, they were better hosted and more enjoyable than the ones that had open bars.
You are just a peach to call anyone a "brown noser."
Do you want people to be honest or do you want these other brides to brown nose you? I don't ever get wasted at weddings, but you're insane if you think anyone is going to willfully dance without at least a glass of wine in hand. Look.. People, at least most people I know, get social anxiety and don't tend to enjoy being completely sober around family, old friends, and other random people they haven't seen in years or ever met. I think it is unheard of not to have any sort of alcohol there. If you are trying to save money, go easier on flowers, cut out appetizers.. but at least offer ONE light cocktail for the people who are social drinkers. It's a celebration.. alcohol is a necessity. I have been to many many weddings and if there wasn't alcohol.. what a disaster it would have been. Think of your guests +1's.. if it isn't awkward enough not knowing anyone, how do you expect them to have a good time?
I'm just being honest with you lady. I think the #1 piece of advice I have received from fellow brides is to have an open bar.. not having a bar at all could turn out to be a bad wedding story.
just being honest, I hope you can sort this out and take what I said as advice rather than a "threat", and enjoy your big day!
LMMFAO!
Oh the irony, hahahahahahahahaha!
We don't blow rainbows and unicorns up anyone's nose or ass here! And you should damn well know this based on who "attacked' you felt in your BM dress thread.
If you can't dance without getting boozed up, well I feel sorry for you. I have never needed any excuse to dance if the music and atmosphere was good.
OP, there is nothing wrong with having a dry wedding.
ETA: 2nd bolded- how old are you and all of these people who seem so unnerved by attending social functions that they need liquid courage to make it through? You sound very young and immature.
3rd bolded- exactly how many is "many, many" weddings?
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
Do you want people to be honest or do you want these other brides to brown nose you? I don't ever get wasted at weddings, but you're insane if you think anyone is going to willfully dance without at least a glass of wine in hand. Look.. People, at least most people I know, get social anxiety and don't tend to enjoy being completely sober around family, old friends, and other random people they haven't seen in years or ever met. I think it is unheard of not to have any sort of alcohol there. If you are trying to save money, go easier on flowers, cut out appetizers.. but at least offer ONE light cocktail for the people who are social drinkers. It's a celebration.. alcohol is a necessity. I have been to many many weddings and if there wasn't alcohol.. what a disaster it would have been. Think of your guests +1's.. if it isn't awkward enough not knowing anyone, how do you expect them to have a good time?
I'm just being honest with you lady. I think the #1 piece of advice I have received from fellow brides is to have an open bar.. not having a bar at all could turn out to be a bad wedding story.
just being honest, I hope you can sort this out and take what I said as advice rather than a "threat", and enjoy your big day!
Honey, I've been dealing with severe social anxiety since I was a teen. It's only within the last two years I actually became comfortable even saying "hello" to a new person. I straight up failed classes because I was too terrified to do every single oral presentation or class discussion. I still struggle with meeting new people and large groups of people scare the shit out of me. I find social situations very difficult.
Your whole "people need alcohol to deal with their social anxiety" argument is the biggest pile of bullshit I've ever seen. I don't fucking drink to cope with my social anxiety. I can have plenty of fun at social events, even if it is tricky for me, without even a sip of alcohol. Let's just name a few events I attended where no alcohol was available for me (either because I was too young or didn't want to pay for it) and still had a good time, and even danced! Prom, concerts (I go to a lot, I dance every time, no alcohol because they charge way too much for a fucking beer,) weddings I attended while below the legal drinking age, a few of my friends sweet 16s, the list goes on. It wasn't alcohol that allowed me to enjoy myself, it was my friends.
So please take your assumptions that self-medicating with alcohol is just a thing anxious people do and shove it, because trying to imply that a bunch of adults are truly SO dependent on alcohol that they can't possibly socialize or enjoy themselves without it is fucking ridiculous.
Oh, and also, if none of the people you've mentioned above have experienced actual terror at the thought of a simple social interaction, spent entire nights awake analyzing two minutes of dialogue only to decide by sunrise that they are simply too awkward to speak and everything they have to say is so truly worthless they should not talk again for weeks, etc. then stop using the term "social anxiety" right now. The phrases "social anxiety" and "kinda shy" or "introverted" are not fucking interchangeable, and treating them like they are is the exact reason why instead of receiving help, for years people just told me to "Suck it up" or "get over it" which only damaged my self-worth even more and made me even more afraid to open up to people about my issues.
Cut the shit. If you're really incapable of having fun without alcohol, then just fucking admit that instead of trying to trivialize something that wasted years of my life, tanked my grades, snuffed out many opportunities, by using it as a lame excuse to defend your feelings of entitlement that lead you to demand free alcohol or else you'll whine that the whole party sucks.
Do you want people to be honest or do you want these other brides to brown nose you? I don't ever get wasted at weddings, but you're insane if you think anyone is going to willfully dance without at least a glass of wine in hand. Look.. People, at least most people I know, get social anxiety and don't tend to enjoy being completely sober around family, old friends, and other random people they haven't seen in years or ever met. I think it is unheard of not to have any sort of alcohol there. If you are trying to save money, go easier on flowers, cut out appetizers.. but at least offer ONE light cocktail for the people who are social drinkers. It's a celebration.. alcohol is a necessity. I have been to many many weddings and if there wasn't alcohol.. what a disaster it would have been. Think of your guests +1's.. if it isn't awkward enough not knowing anyone, how do you expect them to have a good time?
I'm just being honest with you lady. I think the #1 piece of advice I have received from fellow brides is to have an open bar.. not having a bar at all could turn out to be a bad wedding story.
just being honest, I hope you can sort this out and take what I said as advice rather than a "threat", and enjoy your big day!
LMMFAO!
Oh the irony, hahahahahahahahaha!
We don't blow rainbows and unicorns up anyone's nose or ass here! And you should damn well know this based on who "attacked' you felt in your BM dress thread.
If you can't dance without getting boozed up, well I feel sorry for you. I have never needed any excuse to dance if the music and atmosphere was good.
OP, there is nothing wrong with having a dry wedding.
ETA: 2nd bolded- how old are you and all of these people who seem so unnerved by attending social functions that they need liquid courage to make it through? You sound very young and immature.
3rd bolded- exactly how many is "many, many" weddings?
No kidding. There have been plenty of times when I've gone to events or bars or wherever and couldn't drink, either because I was DD, was on medication that can't mix with alcohol, or had some health issues. Should I have sat in the corner and pouted? Apparently so, since apparently alcohol is required in order to have a good time (which by the way sounds so insanely immature, like something I would have said when I was 17).
But I didn't sit and pout. I socialized, dance and had a great time. Shocking! Your attitude, Kristy, really sucks. You expect support from this community yet you want to give none in return. You've been extremely rude to the OP of this thread, who has done nothing wrong.
The only real requirement for having a good time is to not be around people like you, with such nasty attitudes.
OP, your weddings sound like tons of fun to me! Yummy punch? That's my jam. (aside, I also like actual jam.)
Though I'm serving some alcohol (champagne, mimosas, etc) my goal for my own wedding is primarily for people to enjoy themselves through chit chat and a happy atmosphere. I don't anticipate much drinking or dancing since its brunch and my crowd doesn't drink much in general from what I can tell (though there's a dj and first dances, so maybe I'll end up surprised and there will be a par-tay.)
I don't drink much at all (I'd prefer dessert to a drink!), but my FI does like beer and wine. He'd be fine at a dry event. Because he's not rude and doesn't self medicate with alcohol or anything else. And I daresay all my friends who ALSO drink alcohol would be just fine at a dry wedding. I think we'd all be a little surprised it wasn't there if the event was at night, and didn't already know the couple doesn't drink, but we'd all get over the surprise and enjoy the event.
Do you want people to be honest or do you want these other brides to brown nose you? I don't ever get wasted at weddings, but you're insane if you think anyone is going to willfully dance without at least a glass of wine in hand. Look.. People, at least most people I know, get social anxiety and don't tend to enjoy being completely sober around family, old friends, and other random people they haven't seen in years or ever met. I think it is unheard of not to have any sort of alcohol there. If you are trying to save money, go easier on flowers, cut out appetizers.. but at least offer ONE light cocktail for the people who are social drinkers. It's a celebration.. alcohol is a necessity. I have been to many many weddings and if there wasn't alcohol.. what a disaster it would have been. Think of your guests +1's.. if it isn't awkward enough not knowing anyone, how do you expect them to have a good time?
I'm just being honest with you lady. I think the #1 piece of advice I have received from fellow brides is to have an open bar.. not having a bar at all could turn out to be a bad wedding story.
just being honest, I hope you can sort this out and take what I said as advice rather than a "threat", and enjoy your big day!
I'm dying at the phrase "brown nosers." Apparently we're selective brown nosers. If you need a glass of wine to have a good time, then I feel bad for you. You sound like the girl who gets overly drunk at parties and makes a total ass out of herself.
I'm with @HaileyDancingbear . Fuck your use of "social anxiety." Do you practice what you are going to say on the phone before you call someone? Do you mentally spend days preparing yourself and bracing for a large event where you have to talk to people? Have you ever done any of the things that Hailey talked about? I'm guessing not. Don't throw around a serious term. It only makes you look ignorant as hell.
Yeah, I prefer alcohol at weddings. But you know what? It's *gasp* NOT ABOUT THE ALCOHOL. It's about spending the day with the people who are closest to you. Novel concept to you, I know. If I show up to a wedding and there isn't any alcohol, I might go, "aw, I wanted some wine with dinner," but that's the end of it. I have been to lovely weddings with no alcohol. I have also been to shit show weddings with a cash bar, or even partially hosted bar. The well hosted dry weddings win, hands down, every time. Are you having a shit show wedding? Because then maybe your guests do need the alcohol to cope.
So, how do I let people know there won't be alcohol without telling them all that? At least that gets rid of the alcohol expectation, so there won't be as much disappointment. And the reasons above are for the whole, we don't drink, thing.
It sounds like you're from a crowd (friends and family) that are used to alcohol being served at weddings and other events. If that's true, then honestly, in my opinion, the only way you are going to get through this without people talking about you behind your back for years to come, is if you have a wedding early in the day and don't have a DJ/dancing. And expect it to be a somewhat shorter event (as in ceremony at 11am, lunch/brunch at 11:30, and event over by 2). But keep in mind that you can do whatever you want, just know people might be talking about you.
If your crowd is used to alcohol-free events and you don't think they'll think a dinner without any booze is weird, then go ahead and spread the word and have a dry evening wedding and don't expect any gossip later. Well, maybe a little gossip.
Remember, the reception is a party for your guests. There's always things we want or don't want to do, but we do them anyway to keep the guests happy and/or to keep a few key VIPs happy. You might want a small wedding, but realize it's not worth ruffling the feathers of all your aunts and uncles of not inviting them. You might want a destination wedding, but realize only your side of the family (and not his) would be able to attend, so you have it local instead. You might not particularly like cake or be on a diet, but you still have cake because your mothers would throw a fit otherwise. You might not want to do a first dance, but you do it anyway so people don't wonder why you didn't. You might only like gangster rap, but you have more mainstream music at your reception so people will dance. And you might not drink alcohol yourselves, but you have it anyway so people don't talk about you later. Or you might want to have a dry event, so you decide on a morning/midday wedding instead of an evening wedding even if it's not what you had originally pictured. We all make these adjustments.
So, how do I let people know there won't be alcohol without telling them all that? At least that gets rid of the alcohol expectation, so there won't be as much disappointment. And the reasons above are for the whole, we don't drink, thing.
It sounds like you're from a crowd (friends and family) that are used to alcohol being served at weddings and other events. If that's true, then honestly, in my opinion, the only way you are going to get through this without people talking about you behind your back for years to come, is if you have a wedding early in the day and don't have a DJ/dancing. And expect it to be a somewhat shorter event (as in ceremony at 11am, lunch/brunch at 11:30, and event over by 2). But keep in mind that you can do whatever you want, just know people might be talking about you.
If your crowd is used to alcohol-free events and you don't think they'll think a dinner without any booze is weird, then go ahead and spread the word and have a dry evening wedding and don't expect any gossip later. Well, maybe a little gossip.
Remember, the reception is a party for your guests. There's always things we want or don't want to do, but we do them anyway to keep the guests happy and/or to keep a few key VIPs happy. You might want a small wedding, but realize it's not worth ruffling the feathers of all your aunts and uncles of not inviting them. You might want a destination wedding, but realize only your side of the family (and not his) would be able to attend, so you have it local instead. You might not particularly like cake or be on a diet, but you still have cake because your mothers would throw a fit otherwise. You might not want to do a first dance, but you do it anyway so people don't wonder why you didn't. You might only like gangster rap, but you have more mainstream music at your reception so people will dance. And you might not drink alcohol yourselves, but you have it anyway so people don't talk about you later. Or you might want to have a dry event, so you decide on a morning/midday wedding instead of an evening wedding even if it's not what you had originally pictured. We all make these adjustments.
Re: Dry Wedding Etiquette?
Clearly, I'm doing this all wrong. Open bar, I have 2 or 3 drinks in 5 hours. Dry wedding, I enjoy the party, maybe not as long but hey, these are my friends. Cash bar is a different matter. If I have to pay, I am getting drunk off my ass. Granted, I've attended two cash bar receptions that I can remember and I was 20 (hey, they didn't check my ID) and 22, so getting wasted was the point.
I have Type I diabetes (I'm assuming that's his type) also and you all would be my HEROS having something sugar-free, other than Diet Coke, water, and iced tea. The beverage world gets very limited, very fast when you need to avoid sugary sodas and juices.
Though, just for the other PPs out there, I don't want you all to get the impression that diabetics can't drink alcohol. Certainly the OP's FI has either chosen not to or had his doc advise it, but this is not the case for most. I personally find one of the most aggravating aspects of the disease...especially for us Type 1ers (more uncommon type)...is the plethora of misinformation about it, so I can't help but correct when I see a wrong impression may have been given.
Again, not at all accusing the OP of giving misinformation...but I could see where people unfamiliar with the disease could have jumped to the conclusion that diabetics can't drink alcohol.
@kristypaolucci - WTH?
I've been to a number of events with no alcohol. I had fun, and I remember what happened the next day.
What should my dear friends who met in AA do? They do not drink now. Their wedding will be dry. I'll enjoy it. Hell, I will be thankful it's dry. Because if my friend didn't get help, she'd be dead from alcohol poisoning or in prison for killing someone while driving drunk. She'd not be marrying a decent man in three months.
So fuck that bull shit on how alcohol is a requirement to have any fun. That's a very, very dangerous mind set. That's what my friend thought. Dry celebrations with friends are better than no longer friends, dead or in prison.
ETA: On the other hand, it's sort of a nice change from constantly being accused of being mean and hypercritical of newbies.
I can also talk to anyone, anytime, anywhere cold sober. I'd have a blast at a dry wedding, same as any other. In fact, I've done so.
I have very little patience for people who NEED to drink to socialize or have fun, and find them to he fairly pathetic. They're just plain sad.
2) I am from a very rural, conservative area where it's insane to even think about having champagne for the toast, let alone any alcohol to be served.
3) You sound like a wet blanket.
4) Having gone to serveral weddings that did not serve alcohol, they were better hosted and more enjoyable than the ones that had open bars.
You are just a peach to call anyone a "brown noser."
Oh the irony, hahahahahahahahaha!
We don't blow rainbows and unicorns up anyone's nose or ass here! And you should damn well know this based on who "attacked' you felt in your BM dress thread.
If you can't dance without getting boozed up, well I feel sorry for you. I have never needed any excuse to dance if the music and atmosphere was good.
OP, there is nothing wrong with having a dry wedding.
ETA: 2nd bolded- how old are you and all of these people who seem so unnerved by attending social functions that they need liquid courage to make it through? You sound very young and immature.
3rd bolded- exactly how many is "many, many" weddings?
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
Though I'm serving some alcohol (champagne, mimosas, etc) my goal for my own wedding is primarily for people to enjoy themselves through chit chat and a happy atmosphere. I don't anticipate much drinking or dancing since its brunch and my crowd doesn't drink much in general from what I can tell (though there's a dj and first dances, so maybe I'll end up surprised and there will be a par-tay.)
I don't drink much at all (I'd prefer dessert to a drink!), but my FI does like beer and wine. He'd be fine at a dry event. Because he's not rude and doesn't self medicate with alcohol or anything else. And I daresay all my friends who ALSO drink alcohol would be just fine at a dry wedding. I think we'd all be a little surprised it wasn't there if the event was at night, and didn't already know the couple doesn't drink, but we'd all get over the surprise and enjoy the event.
I'm with @HaileyDancingbear . Fuck your use of "social anxiety." Do you practice what you are going to say on the phone before you call someone? Do you mentally spend days preparing yourself and bracing for a large event where you have to talk to people? Have you ever done any of the things that Hailey talked about? I'm guessing not. Don't throw around a serious term. It only makes you look ignorant as hell.
Yeah, I prefer alcohol at weddings. But you know what? It's *gasp* NOT ABOUT THE ALCOHOL. It's about spending the day with the people who are closest to you. Novel concept to you, I know. If I show up to a wedding and there isn't any alcohol, I might go, "aw, I wanted some wine with dinner," but that's the end of it. I have been to lovely weddings with no alcohol. I have also been to shit show weddings with a cash bar, or even partially hosted bar. The well hosted dry weddings win, hands down, every time. Are you having a shit show wedding? Because then maybe your guests do need the alcohol to cope.
Grow up.